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Elite Veteran
Posts: 617
 
| I'm in a wedding and the bachelorette party is 2 nights downtown Chicago. I can't get off for the one night so I'm just going down for the second night (about a 2 hr drive). It's about $100 per night per person because they picked a fancy hotel. Well the gal planning told me I owe her $195....but I'm not going to be there the one night. I'm not trying to be selfish, but I'm in college...so spending that extra hundred is not reasonable for me.I wish that the hotel pick would have gotten discussed before hand, but it wasn't. Not sure if I should say something or just pay the extra hundred. I feel cheap saying something but I don't know how I'll pay for all the other stuff they want to do too :/
Also she decided to plan her wedding only 5 months in advance so I haven't had much time to save for everything which all together will be around $1000.
Edited by cn1705 2015-07-23 3:03 PM
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 Undercover Amish Mafia Member
Posts: 9992
  
Location: Kansas | is she saying you have to pay for the 2 nights? |
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 Shelter Dog Lover
Posts: 10277
| I think that is absolutely crazy to expect bridesmaids to shell out big bucks to be in a wedding. If you can't afford to pay for your bridal party then you need to plan something that is very inexpensive.
Edited by rodeomom3 2015-07-23 3:13 PM
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Undercover Amish Mafia Member
Posts: 9992
Location: Kansas | rodeomom3 - 2015-07-23 3:12 PM I think that is absolutely crazy to expect bridesmaids to shell out big bucks to be in a wedding. If you can't afford to pay for your bridal party then you need to plan something that is very inexpensive.
agree |
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 Don't Wanna Make This Awkward
Posts: 3106
Location: Texas | If they do not want to pay for the bridesmaids themselves then they need to discuss this with everyone before hand. I'm sorry your having to deal with this.. Just be honest with her, maybe she forgot you wouldn't be there one night? |
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 617
| The maid of honor wants me to pay for the night I'm not there. I did a Bach party last Summer camping and it was so fun! This particular one is expensive because of her bridal party. Expensive hotel, spa, going to some men in underwear show, dinners, bars ...in sure there's more. The bride picked ok dresses. They are $220... We are wearing boots with the dresses but I need to buy a new pair because all my boots are trashed. You also have to figure in shower and wedding gift. Adds up super fast!! That's why I'm not sure I can front that extra money when I won't even be there! |
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Extreme Veteran
Posts: 477
Location: IA | Did you originally say that you would be there both nights, and now won't be because you can't get off work? |
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 617
| I'm afraid to say anything to the bridesmaids...I don't even know them. I don't want to make a fuss to my friend or make things awkward. I mean if this isn't the norm then maybe I'll just have to pull on my big girl britches and say something.. |
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 617
| No I told them I needed to see if I could get off first. I only got off one of the nights. |
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Extreme Veteran
Posts: 477
Location: IA | What likely would happen is that the cost you don't pay gets spread among the other bridesmaids---and if you don't know them now, that's not a good way to make an impression.It is a pain, but so many times you just have to roll along for the sake of your friend and her day. And remember when it's your turn, how you want things to go. |
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 IMA No Hair Style Gal
Posts: 2594
| Be upfront. If you can't afford it, you can't afford it. I don't think it is fair to pay for a night you are not using and that is something I would not expect others to pay either. |
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 Elite Veteran
Posts: 928
Location: Northern CA | The same exact thing happened to me for a friend's wedding this year. I ended up not going to the party at all. I had to work the first day of it, and it was crazy expensive just to rent the cabin. That didn't include all of the eatting, drinking, travel, etc. I politely excused myself from the whole ordeal. |
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 Expert
Posts: 1304
| As much as you wanna make your friend happy and do the best you can do, it's not worth being put in a bind financially especially for one weekend and for a night you're not using. It sounds like you've done enough already and she'll be happy enough you're there. I would just be straight up with them and tell them you can't afford it. Hopefully they'll be understanding since you're in college. I'm in the same boat and it can be tough!! |
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 Own It and Move On
Location: The edge of no where | I'd just suck it up and pay it. It's going to be really awkward (especially since you don't know the other girls). IDK when weddings got to be so out of hand, it's ridiculous what it winds up costing to be a bridesmaid in some of them. I'm not saying that you really should owe it, but I'd just pay it to keep the peace. |
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 Expert
Posts: 1857
| I'd just tell them that I'm going to pay for the night that I am there, then only pay for the night I am there! Sounds to me they should have included everyone on the plans and since you told them you didn't know if you could get off before hand, it's their problem to figure out the extra cost! Tell your friend, I bet she'll understand and if the other bridesmaids get mad.... Oh well, they didn't take you into consideration anyways! |
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 794
| How much is the hotel total. I thinking like four girls at 200 per night that is 400 per night. Does the butler come with that? That is ridiculous for a night to sleep. The Opryland Hotel doesn't even cost that much. I would question that.
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 Strong Willed Woman
Posts: 6577
Location: Prosser, WA | When I was in college there is no way I would have paid almost $1000 for a friends wedding. I would either just not go to the party or flat tell the one bridesmaid that I would pay the one night I was coming or I couldn't come at all. Honestly what are the odds you are going to see these other bridesmaids much after the wedding? Who cares if you tick them off by paying only your fair share? |
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  Warmblood with Wings
Posts: 27846
Location: Florida.. | Since when does the bridal party have to pay for that stuff??? I could see food etc but we paid for the dresses, hotels , flowers etc.. afterall its their wedding not yours and if you cant afford it then be honest and tell bride.. i dont think you owe that.. imho.. |
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 I Prefer to Live in Fantasy Land
Posts: 64864
Location: In the Hills of Texas | I think weddings have become ridiculous and I wouldn't put myself into a money bind for anyone. I would bow out of all of it and just go as a guest. JMHO |
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The Resident Destroyer of Liberal Logic
Location: PNW | That is nuts. When planning the party the MOH should have checked the hotel choice with everybody. If the majority were cool with having the fancy hotel, but one person wasn't (or would be absent for a night) - the covering of that expense should have then been factored into everybody's "tab".
Wedding's have gotten so silly. When I got married five years ago we originally were planning a gigantic wedding with a guest list of over 400 people - and then we got the catering quote and nearly choked on our samples. We ended up "eloping" to our hometown and just having family (still around 100 people) and around ten friends on the guest list. I had a maid of honor and my husband had a best man and that was IT. And it was SO MUCH STINKIN FUN.
Since I only had the one bridal party member we got to do super fancy things like have an all day spa extravaganza, buy new Lucchesse to wear with our dresses (I bought hers as her "thank you" gift), and there was NO DRAMA - because she is my best friend and like a sister to me. |
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 "Hottie"
Posts: 1373
Location: Okemah,OK | I don't mean this to sound weird but I have a pair of boots you can borrow if they would work. I bought them for a friend's wedding and that's the only time they've been worn. They're not fancy but they look great with a dress. They're black with silver on them and I think 7 1/2. Message me if you want to borrow them, all I'd ask is that you mail them back. |
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 My Heart Be Happy
Posts: 9159
Location: Arkansas | magic gunsmoke - 2015-07-23 3:54 PM
Be upfront. If you can't afford it, you can't afford it. I don't think it is fair to pay for a night you are not using and that is something I would not expect others to pay either.
I agree, especially if there wasn't a discussion about budget or prices of hotels, etc. |
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My Heart Be Happy
Posts: 9159
Location: Arkansas | whiplashranch - 2015-07-24 12:30 AM
I don't mean this to sound weird but I have a pair of boots you can borrow if they would work. I bought them for a friend's wedding and that's the only time they've been worn. They're not fancy but they look great with a dress. They're black with silver on them and I think 7 1/2. Message me if you want to borrow them, all I'd ask is that you mail them back.
What a nice offer. Very classy |
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Hungarian Midget Woman
Location: Midwest | cavlier - 2015-07-23 9:10 PM How much is the hotel total. I thinking like four girls at 200 per night that is 400 per night. Does the butler come with that? That is ridiculous for a night to sleep. The Opryland Hotel doesn't even cost that much. I would question that.
A suite in downtown Chicago is easily 400 plus per night, especially with tax.
At any rate, be aware that all the food, events, etc you attend in the city are probably twice the cost of what you pay where you live. Chicago is crazy expensive.
I personally would stay home and save my money. Or let them know honestly what's going on. Tbh though, either way you will probably cause drama (unless you just pay it). |
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Undercover Amish Mafia Member
Posts: 9992
Location: Kansas | Chandler's Mom - 2015-07-24 12:57 AM whiplashranch - 2015-07-24 12:30 AM I don't mean this to sound weird but I have a pair of boots you can borrow if they would work. I bought them for a friend's wedding and that's the only time they've been worn. They're not fancy but they look great with a dress. They're black with silver on them and I think 7 1/2. Message me if you want to borrow them, all I'd ask is that you mail them back. What a nice offer. Very classy
i agree, Love BHW. Such kind classy ladies!  |
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Shelter Dog Lover
Posts: 10277
| hoofs_in_motion - 2015-07-24 8:23 AM Chandler's Mom - 2015-07-24 12:57 AM whiplashranch - 2015-07-24 12:30 AM I don't mean this to sound weird but I have a pair of boots you can borrow if they would work. I bought them for a friend's wedding and that's the only time they've been worn. They're not fancy but they look great with a dress. They're black with silver on them and I think 7 1/2. Message me if you want to borrow them, all I'd ask is that you mail them back. What a nice offer. Very classy
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Extreme Veteran
Posts: 490
| I declined being a bridesmaid in a friends wedding because of this. The bachelorette party was "mandatory" and was going to cost me almost $300. Plus the dress was another $250.... I didnt want to stay at a casino in shreveport which was a 3 hour drive for me. I refuse to spend that much money on a dress Ill never wear again.
My wedding was planned in 5 days. Noone was told about it. We just did it. And it was wonderful. |
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Sideways Riding Expert
Posts: 11371
Location: ND--it snows, it floods, it snows, it floods | Tell them that you are only staying for 1 night so you will pay $100 which is what your share should be for the 1 night. If the MOH doesn't like it oh well, it's not like you'll be around these people all the time. You only have to defend your positon to the bride and she should understand if she's a true friend.
Am I the only one that thought it was standard to have to pay for all your own stuff if you were asked to be in a wedding? I guess I just assummed that's how it was becuase that's what I always had to do. That being said all my friends were very conscious of costs so it wasn't overly expensive and the bride normally bought the shoes/jewelry. I know when I got married I had the dresses made and it was under $100 for the material AND the sewing. I told them to wear silver shoes and I really didn't care what kind as no one looks at their feet anyways, in fact I ended up loaning the pair of silver sandles I had worn for a friends wedding back to her to wear for mine. LOL
As for gifts--remember you are already gifting them with your being part of the wedding party so don't go over board with a shower AND a wedding gift. Set a budget and stay at that. $20-$25 for shower and $40-$50 for wedding. Or cash always works wonders as well.
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Hungarian Midget Woman
Location: Midwest | Every bridesmaid in my wedding paid her own expenses. Dress and shoes. Two of my girls went shopping for my gown with me and inadvertently picked the same bridesmaids dresses, lol, so that's what I went with. I picked the colors. I gave them the jewelry and they had the option of getting their hair done for I think 20 something bucks.
My "bachlorette" party was a day trip to the aquarium for which I had gotten free passes for everyone. They all bought me lunch and we all went out to eat for dinner at the Cheesecake Factory in Chicago, which they all split. It was fun and not too expensive.
They got me either small gifts or nothing for the wedding and they each got me something not too expensive at the shower.
I tried to keep costs low for everyone. I think too many folks go way overboard. |
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"Hottie"
Posts: 1373
Location: Okemah,OK | rodeomom3 - 2015-07-24 8:33 AM
hoofs_in_motion - 2015-07-24 8:23 AM Chandler's Mom - 2015-07-24 12:57 AM whiplashranch - 2015-07-24 12:30 AM I don't mean this to sound weird but I have a pair of boots you can borrow if they would work. I bought them for a friend's wedding and that's the only time they've been worn. They're not fancy but they look great with a dress. They're black with silver on them and I think 7 1/2. Message me if you want to borrow them, all I'd ask is that you mail them back. What a nice offer. Very classy
I've been that broke college student (& after college too) so I understand and empathize with the OP.... Just trying to help if I can :) |
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10D Crack Champion
| rodeomom3 - 2015-07-23 3:12 PM I think that is absolutely crazy to expect bridesmaids to shell out big bucks to be in a wedding. If you can't afford to pay for your bridal party then you need to plan something that is very inexpensive. I have never understood making anyone pay to be in another person's wedding. I thought that the wedding expense should be covered by those getting married and their parents I guess if they are young. Anyone paying to be in another's wedding should definitely be excused from purchasing a wedding or bridal shower gift.
Edited by sodapop 2015-07-24 12:47 PM
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 Tough Patooty
Posts: 2615
Location: Sperry, OK | whiplashranch - 2015-07-24 12:30 PM rodeomom3 - 2015-07-24 8:33 AM hoofs_in_motion - 2015-07-24 8:23 AM Chandler's Mom - 2015-07-24 12:57 AM whiplashranch - 2015-07-24 12:30 AM I don't mean this to sound weird but I have a pair of boots you can borrow if they would work. I bought them for a friend's wedding and that's the only time they've been worn. They're not fancy but they look great with a dress. They're black with silver on them and I think 7 1/2. Message me if you want to borrow them, all I'd ask is that you mail them back. What a nice offer. Very classy I've been that broke college student (& after college too ) so I understand and empathize with the OP.... Just trying to help if I can : )
You are so kind, Paige! |
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10D Crack Champion
| Ask the bride if she could spot you the extra $95 and you will pay her back when you graduate from college and get a full time job related to your degree.
Either that or pay the $195 in rolls of coins. LOL
I'm sure they divided the hotel according to the number of people staying. It could very well be putting others in a financial bind as well.
Talk to your friend.
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 Chicken Chick
Posts: 3562
Location: Texas | docschic - 2015-07-24 10:05 AM Tell them that you are only staying for 1 night so you will pay $100 which is what your share should be for the 1 night. If the MOH doesn't like it oh well, it's not like you'll be around these people all the time. You only have to defend your positon to the bride and she should understand if she's a true friend.
Am I the only one that thought it was standard to have to pay for all your own stuff if you were asked to be in a wedding? I guess I just assummed that's how it was becuase that's what I always had to do. That being said all my friends were very conscious of costs so it wasn't overly expensive and the bride normally bought the shoes/jewelry. I know when I got married I had the dresses made and it was under $100 for the material AND the sewing. I told them to wear silver shoes and I really didn't care what kind as no one looks at their feet anyways, in fact I ended up loaning the pair of silver sandles I had worn for a friends wedding back to her to wear for mine. LOL
As for gifts--remember you are already gifting them with your being part of the wedding party so don't go over board with a shower AND a wedding gift. Set a budget and stay at that. $20-$25 for shower and $40-$50 for wedding. Or cash always works wonders as well.
I have been a bridesmaid in a few weddings and only 1 of them the bride paid for all of our dresses. Heck in September I'll have another bridesmaid dress come in that I paid for lol. I have to buy my shoes and pay for everything else that is mine. That doesn't bother me. It would bother me if the bride really went over board on the price knowing I couldn't afford it and expect me to pay for it. All of my friends though are very careful to find affordable dresses for their bridesmaids. It isn't like we are SO excited to get this new pea green dress that we will wear all the time.
I would tell MOH, you are paying for the time you are staying. If she says anything tell her she can make up the difference if it is no big deal to throw $100 out the window. |
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Hungarian Midget Woman
Location: Midwest | I've never been in a wedding in which the bride bought me my dress.
In fact, I have one dress that I never even wore as the wedding was called off two days before. Being that the bride was stuck paying the bill for the reception (and the jerk of a fiancé had called things off at the last minute), I let it go. I felt so bad. It was not her fault at all. I wanted to go kick the guy's butt, however he was several states away and my husband was not about that road trip lol. |
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 I Chore in Chucks
Posts: 2882
Location: MD | I will never understand why some brides or other members of the party seem to think that it is appropriate to guilt their party into paying 100s of 1000s of dollars in order to participate in THEIR wedding... especially in such a short time frame. I would be honest and say sorry I can't make it happen and I will only be there for 1 day anyway so I'm not paying for two nights. |
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Extreme Veteran
Posts: 512
| Chandler's Mom - 2015-07-24 12:57 AM
whiplashranch - 2015-07-24 12:30 AM
I don't mean this to sound weird but I have a pair of boots you can borrow if they would work. I bought them for a friend's wedding and that's the only time they've been worn. They're not fancy but they look great with a dress. They're black with silver on them and I think 7 1/2. Message me if you want to borrow them, all I'd ask is that you mail them back.
What a nice offer. Very classy
So sweet!! |
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I Prefer to Live in Fantasy Land
Posts: 64864
Location: In the Hills of Texas | I've never heard of a bride paying for bridesmaid dresses. Must be different traditions in different parts of the US. I sure did think it was ridiculous that 20 years ago, our daughter paid $25.00 a plate for her wedding. |
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Strong Willed Woman
Posts: 6577
Location: Prosser, WA | It is pretty normal for the bridesmaids to pay for their own dresses. My husband and I didn't feel right about that though. He paid for all of the tuxedos, my mother in law bought the material and made all the bridesmaids dresses, I paid for all the bridesmaids hair styles for the wedding and just told them to wear some type of dress shoe they had on hand. We did not want our wedding to be a financial burden to our friends. |
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Warmblood with Wings
Posts: 27846
Location: Florida.. | I did because my bridesmaids were not in positions to pay their way..
with that said.... this bride expexts alot from her bridesmaids if you ask me.. thats alot of $$ to give up for someone elses wedding.. they should keep it more reasonable .. I think accomadations SHOULD be paid for by brides family or grooms.. jmo |
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 617
| Thanks so much for offering your boots! I'm an 8.5 though, but it is a good idea to borrow I'll ask some of my friends. :)
I think I'll just play stupid " o I figured I'd be just paying for the one night." If the maid if honor and the party gets crabby I'll just pay it and say "sorry I was confused!" to keep the peace. Figure it's worth a try.
Thanks for the opinions. |
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Totally OT but would like opinions