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Elite Veteran
Posts: 1034
 
| I have a good marriage. We love eachother and we get along great - except when it comes to me racing.
I was horseless when we met but he knew it was a goal for me to get back into racing (I took an extended college and baby break). He grew up on a ranch and we agreed it was a mutual goal to give that lifestyle to our kids.
I earn 100k/yr+ so it is not a huge drain on us. We combine incomes for about double what I make. My horses average 5% of every monthly budget, and that amount was recently cut in half in order to keep him happy. I have one horse I race, one for the big kids, and a pony. I was going 2x a month and cut it down to one.
When I scheduled one overnight barrel race for the end of this month after taking one lesson, he said I'm 'like a freaking drug addict'.
I'm not looking for 'leave that loser' advice. We have four kids and he's a great husband. I just don't know how to get him to see how little I do comparatively and that I will never be competitive with this schedule, and that my one race a month is not going to put us in the poor house. Anyone who has brought a resentful partner around, please share your wisdom!
ETA: obviously there's more than just what's here. But he also has never gone to a race with me. He prefers to stay home with the kids. He went once when I took the kids to a ranch rodeo. He doesn't care to hear any details or results and I hate not sharing my passion with him.
Edited by HorseMommyFiveO 2015-09-20 12:54 PM
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 Horsey Gene Carrier
Posts: 1888
 
Location: LaBelle, Florida | Sounds like he needs to be reminded of the Golden Rule! If Mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy!
Does he have hobbies he does? You need to sit him down and explain to him that this is for you because it makes you a happy person and therefore a better wife & mother. |
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 Owner of a ratting catting machine
Posts: 2258
| Umm, everyday. But you know what? He feeds, he hauls, he goes with me. He picks up feed. He covers hay bills. He picks up the occasional vet bill. He videos, he unsaddles. He unwraps. He cleans stalls. He turns horses out. It's not always that he does these things, but he helps me whenever I ask him. Sometimes when I don't ask. Sometimes when I demand it. He *****es, he moans, he whines. But you know what? On every video he takes, I can hear him coaching me and rooting for me the whole way. I hear him bragging about my horses, I hear him bragging about me. Sometimes he puts a foot in my, "Kill me now, I suck at this." attitude and tells me to get back to working it out.
I cheerlead for him too. I go on his Harley that freaking terrifies me. Because he loves it when I do. And he loves his motorcycle. I buy him guns to encourage him in his Elmer Fud adventures. I help pay for his kids. I try to be a great stepmom that makes the kids feels accepted and loved, while minding my own business. I am there when he's fighting bulls, I skip barrel races to make sure I'm there, because his events are more sporadic than mine. I make sure I'm his biggest fan, and that he knows it.
I never ever ask him to do something I wouldn't do for him, and he's a big enough person to do the same for me.
Your hubby's asking you to change who you are and who you want to be for his comfort is wrong. If you haven't asked him to change who he is, it's especially wrong he ask it of you. The balance is all off, and I would be doing some major, "Let's sit down with alcohol and sort this shtt out before we lose it" type communication meetings. The communication needs to be blown wide open and sort it out.
Make sure you're not standing in a glass house, and not being supportive of his life. If you've got glass walls, tell him you're wrong, and that he's wrong too, and that you both need to change. If it's not you, like you can say it to yourself in the mirror that this isn't partially on you, then it's time to throw down and get your rights established. If it's partially you, then make sure he knows that you accept that, and give your best effort to change, and make sure he knows he's got to change too and hold him to it.
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 1034
| ^^ I like your style.
Yes he does have his own hobbies. Fishing, scuba diving, hunting, kayaking, wood working... He's not as singularly passionate about anything as I am about my racing. We are both senior cops in the same department, which is a passion of its own. And part of surviving this career is having some purpose and identity apart from being a cop.
I don't go hunting or fishing or wood working with him, it's his thing and he's never invited me. He's going on a three week out of state trip next month and I never batted an eye about having the kids solo or the expense. He only goes once a year for that long. he prefers to buy his own guns or I would totally get him one. Not once have I ever complained about his hobbies or the money he spends, which is less than my horses of course. We are both super supportive of eachother's career, which can be all-consuming. We are both really committed to excellence at work so we are both gone a lot for extra training. His ex wife did not tolerate his career or his hunting and they didn't even have kids so I know he knows it could be waaaay worse Lol!! |
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 1034
| He does help me when I ask, he just draws the line at going. He just brushed 6 acres for my pasture and agreed to my new trailer purchase. He feeds and waters, and he will unhook the trailer when I get home. He watches the kids when I go and his mom can't watch them. He even drove 6 hours to pick up my mare this summer after she foaled and only *****ed minimally over the cost of breeding and foaling and raising an orphan. |
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 Expert
Posts: 1552
Location: PA | I had horses when we met. My response when he started getting moody was "I had horses before I had you" and then he changed his tune a bit, lol...................Can I ask why you don't take your kids w/you?
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I just read the headlines
Posts: 4483
| HorseMommyFiveO - 2015-09-20 1:46 PM
He does help me when I ask, he just draws the line at going. He just brushed 6 acres for my pasture and agreed to my new trailer purchase. He feeds and waters, and he will unhook the trailer when I get home. He watches the kids when I go and his mom can't watch them. He even drove 6 hours to pick up my mare this summer after she foaled and only *****ed minimally over the cost of breeding and foaling and raising an orphan.
It sounds to me like something else maybe going on with him and it is just manifesting in your barrel racing. He sounds like a great man otherwise. Would he consider going to counciling? It maybe that something is bothering him and he isn't even sure what it is. Prayers you get this figured out. |
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The Advice Guru
Posts: 6419
| Controlling me can be good husbands, but not allowing you or guilting you into not barrel racing is a form of abuse. He is chipping away at your self esteem, and if you don't act on it before you know it you won't be doing anything without his approval.
I know you don't want to hear this, but please take a hard look at his behaviour, and your response to his behaviour.
I would also suggest seeking counselling for you. Have a professional evaluate you, and work with you. Then I would suggest couples counselling
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 1034
| BRLRCR1 - 2015-09-20 1:58 PM
I had horses when we met. My response when he started getting moody was "I had horses before I had you" and then he changed his tune a bit, lol...................Can I ask why you don't take your kids w/you?
Because I have too many lol! The oldest is grown and gone, the 11 year old can go with me and ride. The 5 year old is... Well... A five year old boy with potatoes in his ears and no sense of fear. Then the baby just turned one. It's more than I can wrangle and add in that my horse came with a gate issue and needs hand walked and jogged away from the warm up area...
I have brought up counseling before. He was willing and got real supportive for a few weeks so I forgot about scheduling. I guess we are back to that. |
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Meanest Teacher!!!
Posts: 8555
Location: sunny california | maybe hire someone to help you at the race so you can bring the kids so he can do one of his hobbies some of the time. It doesn't have to be every race |
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 Shelter Dog Lover
Posts: 10277
| What does he say when you ask him why he doesn't like you to barrel race? |
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 Chasin my Dream
Posts: 13651
Location: Alberta | So do you and him have outing together that don't involve horse/kids/kids related activity?
While I am all for spouses having a balance of their own hobbies and being FULLY supportive I also know men do enjoy feeling appreciated and having time alone with their spouse. I don't know what the rest of your relationship is like but that's my 2 cents.
Edited by dream_chaser 2015-09-20 4:49 PM
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 1034
| He says it's self centered behavior and has no benefit to our family and he worries that I'll spend too much and put us in a bad position.
I meant to post this in reply to rodeomom
Edited by HorseMommyFiveO 2015-09-20 5:32 PM
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 1034
| dream_chaser - 2015-09-20 4:30 PM
So do you and him have outing together that don't involve horse/kids/kids related activity?
While I am all for spouses having a balance of their own hobbies and being FULLY supportive I also know men do enjoy feeling appreciated and having time alone with their spouse. I don't know what the rest of your relationship is like but that's my 2 cents.
Oh gosh I wish! We haven't had a meal without kids for over a year. His mom shares a property line with us and watches the kids while we work. He doesn't want to overburden her and ask for a date night. Even when I do, he finds a reason to veto. We just took a week off work for the soul purpose of spending time together and we didn't get away at all - even for lunch.
eta: I'm the one who always asks for time alone together. I think he is too worried about the kids and imposing on his mom. My family is 2+ hours away.
Edited by HorseMommyFiveO 2015-09-20 5:32 PM
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The Advice Guru
Posts: 6419
| HorseMommyFiveO - 2015-09-20 5:28 PM
He says it's self centered behavior and has no benefit to our family and he worries that I'll spend too much and put us in a bad position.
I meant to post this in reply to rodeomom
Self centered and no benefit to your family.
Wow
So he is saying your feelings, your sanity doesn't matter, and you are not part of the family?
The more you say, the more I worry about you. |
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Location: East of the Pecos | Hire a nanny to go with you to take care of the kids and if there's something you want to enter, just do it. You are an adult and you don't need his permission, just like he doesn't need yours to hunt or fish. Let him cry, he'll get over it. Don't let him engage you in an argument about it, just do it and tell him it's going to part of your lifestyle from now on and you are a responsible person that contributes your share financially and he should trust you to not go crazy spending on the horses. Meant to say to tell him you weren't asking for permission, but asking for support of your hobby. If he won't give it, go anyway, I doubt he asks permission from you to do his hobbies. Dont live to an old age to look back and have regrets, you earn a good living so enjoy some of it, you deserve it. I sense a fear of of something in you.
Edited by Bug Is Alive 2015-09-20 8:27 PM
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Veteran
Posts: 127
Location: Kansas | Been there my husband hates it and it constantly causes fights |
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Veteran
Posts: 102
| I have a husband who is the same way.I am old and in the beginning my husband was very supportive and I don't have a job because when we were younger he said I didn't need to work out in the public he just wanted to stay at home and be a housewife and a mother.Well let me tell you if I had the time to have a do over I would never be taken in with those lies because he basically owns me.He throws my one 15 year old horse that I have not hauled anywhere in 10 yrs.in my face because again he makes the paycheck.So my advice to you is don't let anyone control your barrel racing. |
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 Tried and True
Posts: 21185
Location: Where I am happiest | You first and foremost have got to find a good babysitter. Thats number one!!!
#2) You need to have a date night at least every 3 weeks. AT LEAST. No excuses, dont let anything, and I mean anything get in the way of this alone time together. This is the first half of why you need to find a good baby sitter. I also agree with him that it isnt fair to ask his mom to have the kids ALL the time. I gaurantee you, someone in the dept either knows someone, or has a responsable young adult daughter.
#3, you deserve 2 weekends a month for time with your horse to go racing. If he's worried about spending to much money on it, open a seperate account for your horses. Feed, total care, and your racing comes out of that account. Money you win racing goes into that account. The second part of the babysitter, is if you have to, take the babysitter to ONE of your 2 weekends racing and pay her out of your horse account for the race.
You can work this out, but you have to balance it all out and get the you and hubby time in there without fail. You have to think of your husband and marriage as a garden, and no garden can grow and live without water and care. Time spent just the 2 of you, is watering and weeding that garden. Your time spent with your horses and racing, is your fertalizer so the garden can keep growing. We all need our "Me time". His me time is his hunting and fishing. Yours is your horses and racing. You dont take his time away or try to guilt him out of it, and he shouldnt do that to you.
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 My Heart Be Happy
Posts: 9159
Location: Arkansas | ThreeCorners - 2015-09-20 10:33 PM
You first and foremost have got to find a good babysitter. Thats number one!!!
#2) You need to have a date night at least every 3 weeks. AT LEAST. No excuses, dont let anything, and I mean anything get in the way of this alone time together. This is the first half of why you need to find a good baby sitter. I also agree with him that it isnt fair to ask his mom to have the kids ALL the time. I gaurantee you, someone in the dept either knows someone, or has a responsable young adult daughter.
#3, you deserve 2 weekends a month for time with your horse to go racing. If he's worried about spending to much money on it, open a seperate account for your horses. Feed, total care, and your racing comes out of that account. Money you win racing goes into that account. The second part of the babysitter, is if you have to, take the babysitter to ONE of your 2 weekends racing and pay her out of your horse account for the race.
You can work this out, but you have to balance it all out and get the you and hubby time in there without fail. You have to think of your husband and marriage as a garden, and no garden can grow and live without water and care. Time spent just the 2 of you, is watering and weeding that garden. Your time spent with your horses and racing, is your fertalizer so the garden can keep growing. We all need our "Me time". His me time is his hunting and fishing. Yours is your horses and racing. You dont take his time away or try to guilt him out of it, and he shouldnt do that to you.
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 1034
| Chandler's Mom - 2015-09-20 11:44 PM
ThreeCorners - 2015-09-20 10:33 PM
You first and foremost have got to find a good babysitter. Thats number one!!!
#2) You need to have a date night at least every 3 weeks. AT LEAST. No excuses, dont let anything, and I mean anything get in the way of this alone time together. This is the first half of why you need to find a good baby sitter. I also agree with him that it isnt fair to ask his mom to have the kids ALL the time. I gaurantee you, someone in the dept either knows someone, or has a responsable young adult daughter.
#3, you deserve 2 weekends a month for time with your horse to go racing. If he's worried about spending to much money on it, open a seperate account for your horses. Feed, total care, and your racing comes out of that account. Money you win racing goes into that account. The second part of the babysitter, is if you have to, take the babysitter to ONE of your 2 weekends racing and pay her out of your horse account for the race.
You can work this out, but you have to balance it all out and get the you and hubby time in there without fail. You have to think of your husband and marriage as a garden, and no garden can grow and live without water and care. Time spent just the 2 of you, is watering and weeding that garden. Your time spent with your horses and racing, is your fertalizer so the garden can keep growing. We all need our "Me time". His me time is his hunting and fishing. Yours is your horses and racing. You dont take his time away or try to guilt him out of it, and he shouldnt do that to you.
You are so right. |
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 Hog Tie My Mojo
Posts: 4847
Location: Opelousas, LA | Do you pay his Mom to watch your kids? Just wondering if the resentment is maybe coming more from her direction, you have extra money to barrel race because you don't have to pay child care? Not saying that is the issue, just a thought. I don't understand why he would agree that he wants the kids to ride and compete but is worried your hobby is going to bring you down financially. Having horses for multiple kids to compete on is not cheap, but honestly one more horse for you is not that big of deal in the long run. |
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 Expert
Posts: 2097
Location: Deep South | HorseMommyFiveO - 2015-09-20 5:30 PM
dream_chaser - 2015-09-20 4:30 PM
So do you and him have outing together that don't involve horse/kids/kids related activity?
While I am all for spouses having a balance of their own hobbies and being FULLY supportive I also know men do enjoy feeling appreciated and having time alone with their spouse. I don't know what the rest of your relationship is like but that's my 2 cents.
Oh gosh I wish! We haven't had a meal without kids for over a year. His mom shares a property line with us and watches the kids while we work. He doesn't want to overburden her and ask for a date night. Even when I do, he finds a reason to veto. We just took a week off work for the soul purpose of spending time together and we didn't get away at all - even for lunch.
eta: I'm the one who always asks for time alone together. I think he is too worried about the kids and imposing on his mom. My family is 2+ hours away.
If i read it correctly, your total income is $200k+ a year.
Hire a sitter!
For fear of getting too personal...... Do you have a healthy sex life? You don't have to answer if you don't feel comfortable. Just know that when I fail to make time for intimacy with my husband, his frustration comes out in other areas of our life. He doesn't mean to do it, I don't think he even realizes he does it. But his temper certainly gets noticeably shorter, whereas he is normally a very laid back "go-with-the-flow" kind of guy. |
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 Veteran
Posts: 129
Location: South | I grew up with horses and living on a farm and was always somewhere running barrels. When I met and married my husband I knew that things would slow down being that we both graduated college, had a farm, had other obligations. But he has never in the years we have been married told me I couldn't go. He understands that that is what I love to do, ride my horses and run barrels. He has his own hobbies: playing music, hunting, shooting his bow, and the list goes on and I always support him in that. You will find in a marriage that you need to support each others hobbies because like others have said that is who you are, and by understanding their hobbies you see who your spouse really is. You are there to share all those moments with them which is something one day you will look back on and remember.
My parents neglected their hobbies when my sister and I were kids, and when we both moved out. They were lost- they had nothing in common and had to kind of "start all over" again. They had neglected their relationship because they always were concerned with us and the farm. This is why my husband and I are so involved with each other- because we don't want our relationship to end up like my parents did.
I will tell you that we do have separated checking accounts. Which makes it easier for him to spend money on his hobbies, and my money on mine. Actually we very rarely fight about money.
I hope everything for you works out. |
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 1034
| Barnmom - 2015-09-21 9:01 AM
Do you pay his Mom to watch your kids? Just wondering if the resentment is maybe coming more from her direction, you have extra money to barrel race because you don't have to pay child care? Not saying that is the issue, just a thought. I don't understand why he would agree that he wants the kids to ride and compete but is worried your hobby is going to bring you down financially. Having horses for multiple kids to compete on is not cheap, but honestly one more horse for you is not that big of deal in the long run.
No she would never take our money to watch the kids. There is no resentment from her - I can barely keep the kids away from her on my days off! Her only other grandkids are across the US so mine are all she has. She's recently retired and excited to be Grandma. She was a horsewoman herself before she had a gunshot wound (accidental) and two bad falls that ended in a TBI and a broken hip.
I think part of the disconnect from reality is that my hub was raised on a working ranch. They threw hay and gave wormer and trimmed their own, and if one didn't cut the mustard as a ranch horse they sent him down the road. No mares allowed and certainly no blankets or grain. His expectations are different. I run all mares and I'm a barrel racer so like the rest of you I baby my race mare with supplements and chiro/massage/etc. it's not exorbitant but she's treated nicer than a ranch gelding who earns his keep on the cheap or goes down the road
And the the gal who asked, we are just fine in the bedroom. More than fine. It's a high point. LOL! And *I'm* the one complaining about time alone.
He says he supports my barrel habit but then he says stuff like this every time I go. Maybe he expects me to be more like his Mom? She's a strong lady but she is much more submissive to his dad than I will ever be to him, and I've told him that. He always supported me in my struggles at work in a mans world, but I think he expects me to also be the doting house wife when I'm not at work (40+ hours).
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 Toastest with the Mostest
Posts: 5712
Location: That part of Texas | ThreeCorners already gave some great advice on handing the physical aspect of separating money and responsibility. My only advice to you is to go to counseling but doing it alone -- for yourself. You need to get to a position on your own were you have truly justified your hobby (i.e., life infusion/inspiration/inspiration to your kids) to yourself. You can't sell it to him until you've gotten 100% on board with it with you.
Every woman who is a mother fights this type of battle so you are not alone. Weighing responsibilities versus being "selfish" is a dagger for most women because it speaks to that part inside of us that would die for our kids and family and our worth as a woman if it looks like that commitment is even in question. That small voice inside that says "I also have a life and dreams though" is okay to have and it's okay for you to let it have a say in your life also. I think talking to a counselor on that issue/aspect of things would be well worth your money and time to do so. Having that "official stamp of approval" in your corner may make all the difference for you.
Also -- another way to look at it that I don't even like to think about -- is how you would feel if something happened to him and you are a single mom again. Would you still have those same feelings (let's say money still isn't an issue) about this issue? Chance are you probably would on some level. That's why I say this is something you need to get right with you more than a problem with him. Sell it and buy it yourself and he might go along with it once you are good.
Good luck -- I think you're worth it and worth the right to have this separate hobby. I grew up with two parents who did follow their dreams and left us kids at home a lot during the summer because they were rodeoing. We did just fine with our babysitters (who became like family to us) and we grew up respecting our parents as their own people with wishes, dreams and wants. It was a good life lesson to see in action and made us the people we are today.
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Red Bull Agressive
Posts: 5981
Location: North Dakota | HorseMommyFiveO - 2015-09-21 8:46 AM Chandler's Mom - 2015-09-20 11:44 PM ThreeCorners - 2015-09-20 10:33 PM You first and foremost have got to find a good babysitter. Thats number one!!!
#2) You need to have a date night at least every 3 weeks. AT LEAST. No excuses, dont let anything, and I mean anything get in the way of this alone time together. This is the first half of why you need to find a good baby sitter. I also agree with him that it isnt fair to ask his mom to have the kids ALL the time. I gaurantee you, someone in the dept either knows someone, or has a responsable young adult daughter.
#3, you deserve 2 weekends a month for time with your horse to go racing. If he's worried about spending to much money on it, open a seperate account for your horses. Feed, total care, and your racing comes out of that account. Money you win racing goes into that account. The second part of the babysitter, is if you have to, take the babysitter to ONE of your 2 weekends racing and pay her out of your horse account for the race.
You can work this out, but you have to balance it all out and get the you and hubby time in there without fail. You have to think of your husband and marriage as a garden, and no garden can grow and live without water and care. Time spent just the 2 of you, is watering and weeding that garden. Your time spent with your horses and racing, is your fertalizer so the garden can keep growing. We all need our "Me time". His me time is his hunting and fishing. Yours is your horses and racing. You dont take his time away or try to guilt him out of it, and he shouldnt do that to you.
You are so right.
I agree! Great advice! |
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Expert
Posts: 1561
| If a guy spent as much time and money on hunting and fishing as the barrel racers I know, y'all would be singing a different tune.
FACT |
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I just read the headlines
Posts: 4483
| Itsme - 2015-09-21 3:36 PM
If a guy spent as much time and money on hunting and fishing as the barrel racers I know, y'all would be singing a different tune.
FACT
Down here in South Texas they do! Every weekend almost from now until January. Thanksgiving and Christmas Eve day. Corn, blinds ,groceries, gas, lease payments, it adds up. I don't complain. I LOVE venison. He doesn't complain when I barrel race either. Oh, I forgot dove season, too. I can't ride in the evenings because they are bird hunting where I ride.  |
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 Expert
Posts: 1525
| I have been there and done that and it was horrible. Killed my confidence. I felt guilty even when I made and awesome run if I didnt pull a check. I left the driveway with a sense of failure because of all the pressure and all the negativity I knew that it would cause. I had a young (1 year old) that I had to take with me EVERYWHERE because he wouldnt watch her for a couple hours while I was at a race. Constanly having to find help was crazy. I made it work though. It was hard having fun, I'm sorry is all I can say. You need a hug. I hope you can work it out. I noticed that even if the issue would resolve for a couple weeks it would go back to negative eventually. We are divorced now. I do whatever I want. Go wherever I want. I have never been happier. He was a **** husband though...sounds like yours is alright...I guess you just have to decide if its worth it if things dont change. I will tell you that I always had a feeling that if I agreed not to run barrels that it was just going to be the FIRST thing that he asked me to quit...and I never gave him an inch because of it. I made my own money, my horses payed for themselves...and he still hated it. I would have never laid off even a weekend for him...I always feared as soon as I did he would ask me to quit something else.
Edited by MOTIVATED 2015-09-21 3:59 PM
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 Dog Resuce Agent
Posts: 3459
Location: southeast Texas | LOL I think the hunting and fishing guys spend way more money. At lest the guys at work do. One is out on vacation for a hunting trip in the mountains.
another one must be buying something expensive. His wife wants a new bed, and a brick wall in their home.
Edited by roxieannie 2015-09-21 4:12 PM
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 1034
| Well the first thing he said when we got our fourth baby's due date was that it was right at the beginning of archery season for deer. And I just cancelled state finals I'm qualified for because it falls on #2's birthday.
He cooks 6 days a week, changes diapers, drives kids, helps with bath time and bed time and homework. He will haul hay and help with stalls if I'm behind. I only really have this issue with him. And it's strange. I brought it up and he says he wants me to pursue my passion and he supports me but then he says all this other stuff when the rubber hits the road.
I think he may be stressed because we are building a house and he is a true worry wart. I totally am the opposite. I think he's a doomsday prophet and he thinks I'm Pollyanna. I'm a realist who chooses to see the bright side. He expects the worst and forgets to hope for the best. It doesn't matter how much we save, it never seems to be enough. I think that may be a big part of it too. |
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 926
| BRLRCR1 - 2015-09-20 1:58 PM
I had horses when we met. My response when he started getting moody was "I had horses before I had you" and then he changed his tune a bit, lol...................Can I ask why you don't take your kids w/you?
I've posted this before. Met my wonderful husband of 40 years this December when I was very young, and had the same equine addiction I have today in my 60's. Told him that I loved him, and just wanted to be up front, if he ever felt he wanted me to choose between the horses and him, I'd understand, I'd help him pack, and we could still be friends....but the horses weren't going. It's been a passion since I could say 'horse' and that was almost 60 years ago. He loves to tell the story of our conversation all those years ago while he's at a barrel race....at the vet....to friends. You just have to be frank about your passion. Of course, I found a jewel...I hope you guys do as well. Oh and sex.....AWESOME!!!
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My Heart Be Happy
Posts: 9159
Location: Arkansas | chicks2 - 2015-09-21 8:44 PM
BRLRCR1 - 2015-09-20 1:58 PM
I had horses when we met. My response when he started getting moody was "I had horses before I had you" and then he changed his tune a bit, lol...................Can I ask why you don't take your kids w/you?
I've posted this before. Met my wonderful husband of 40 years this December when I was very young, and had the same equine addiction I have today in my 60's. Told him that I loved him, and just wanted to be up front, if he ever felt he wanted me to choose between the horses and him, I'd understand, I'd help him pack, and we could still be friends....but the horses weren't going. It's been a passion since I could say 'horse' and that was almost 60 years ago. He loves to tell the story of our conversation all those years ago while he's at a barrel race....at the vet....to friends. You just have to be frank about your passion. Of course, I found a jewel...I hope you guys do as well. Oh and sex.....AWESOME!!!
Well just rub it in why don't you?!!!! |
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 The BHW Book Worm
Posts: 1768
| Just wanted to say thank you for what you do and I got your 6. My husband is a first year rooky as a sheriff and prior to that worked in a detention center for 3 years. We are in the worst paid area of the country and my family+ him urge me to be a stay at home mom to our 2 children. I'm a HORID house wife... I much rather have a job. I can take are of the kids and they are happy but my house is a disaster!! Before we got married i told him if you really want to marry me know that the horses come with it. It's everything to me. He agreed to it. I'm not joking I would say at least 35% of our income goes to horses. how I landed such a amazing man I have no clue. He has never been resentful but stressed at times because as we all know the horse addiction never ends and I have taste that far surpases my budget. I worship my husband though, as he worships me. I'm very sensitive to his feelings and I always make sure we do things together. It sounds like there is a line devided between you guys via your interests. You don't have to like each other's hobbies but deffenintly try to be present in them together. It sound like you have been married for much more than 6 years(my marrage) it's just what I see from reading. |
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Has your husband ever resented you racing?