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 Ima Non Controversial Girl
Posts: 4168
  
Location: where the wind blows | First back history.
I met a girl way back in high school at some church retreats. She was from the city, I was of course a country hick. We actually had nothing in common except our faith but for some reason we hit it off and became best friends. When I moved to the city right after high school for secondary education I half lived at her house with her parents even though I had my own apartment. They treated me like a second daughter. Anyway this was before interenet etc. and over time with both of us moving for school and jobs and marriage we eventually lost track of each other. I actually tried a bit in the early 2000's to find her, with no luck. One day I got a call from another good friend to let me know she was just reading the obituaries in the paper and my friend had passed away. (She would have been 39). I was heartbroke I wish now I had tried harder to find her. I knew she had a daughter and have thought about her daughter often since then.
Now fast forward to about a year ago. I was reading obituaries at work which I know is weird but I do and saw an obituary for what turned out to be my friends mother in law. As I read the obituary it stated her son and grand daughter were now living - ready for this - in the small town close to where I now live. I'm like what the heck. I instantly texted my neighbor who knows more of the goings on in town. Asked if he knew "the dad". He said he knew of him and that he worked for another farmer. I texted the wife (I know her well) where the dad supposedly worked and asked about him and his daughter. First she asked why I was interested so I explained I had at one time been best friends with the daughters mom who had died. She informed me she was a super nice girl. Her and her dad were both very strong Christians but that her dad had had a lot of drug/alchol issues in his past and now got into trouble at times trying to help other people.
I tracked down the daughter on facebook, let her know I had been very good friends with her mom shared some pictures of her mom and I together so she would know I wasn't a weirdo. Anyway we chatted a bit. I asked my boys (who are a bit older and turns out my youngest knew her - what a small world huh).
Now to the point of my post. So many of her fb posts are about wanting a boyfriend. You know the type teenage girls would post. I just get the sense from her post she is desperate for a boyfriend and it really saddens me. Her mom wasn't like that, at all. I'm not sure what she has for women in her life. Her maternal grandma died before her mom did and of course her paternal grandmother passed a year or so ago.
Part of me thinks I should reach out to her and let her know she doesn't need a boyfriend but part of me doesn't have a clue how to do that. I'm honestly an intorvert and I'm not comfortable with new people. Also I raised boys, they are totally different than girls and to be honest I was always glad I didn't have a daughter (even though I now adore my sons girlfriends) as I hate girl drama. Plus does she really want some middle age woman giving her advice and what advice to I give her? But her post break me heart so often.
Ideas peeps. Thanks |
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 IMA No Hair Style Gal
Posts: 2594
| My suggestion, make it a point to meet up and take her to dinner once a month. Bring up boys then.
Otherwise, and I mean this respectfully what you say will go in one ear and out the other. |
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 Accident Prone
Posts: 22277
Location: 100 miles from Nowhere, AR | I do think it would be worth it to cultivate a relationship. Maybe some of your strength of character and outlook will rub off on her and build her up. At that age, advice goes in one ear and out the other unless it's what they want to hear. |
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Expert
Posts: 1586
Location: west of East Texas | I think it's awesome that you are concerned. She may very well need some middle aged woman to give her advice. Or to just let her talk. Or to be some extended-type family. You will never know until you try. As a mom of a teenage girl that hasn't 'listened to my advice' since she was 12, I have spent a lot of time frustrated and fed up. But guess what... she's 18, first semester of college 6 hours away, and last week she told me they are all calling her 'mama bear' because of her watchdog behavior and mom-type nagging. :) I guess she was listening. |
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 My Heart Be Happy
Posts: 9159
Location: Arkansas | chasendacash - 2015-10-17 7:58 PM
I think it's awesome that you are concerned. She may very well need some middle aged woman to give her advice. Or to just let her talk. Or to be some extended-type family. You will never know until you try. As a mom of a teenage girl that hasn't 'listened to my advice' since she was 12, I have spent a lot of time frustrated and fed up. But guess what... she's 18, first semester of college 6 hours away, and last week she told me they are all calling her 'mama bear' because of her watchdog behavior and mom-type nagging. :) I guess she was listening.
I totally agree with Chase. All of the coincidences that lead to you locating her may have really been God's hand guiding you in the right direction. Who knows what influence you could bring into her life. There's no guarantee she will listen, but I think you should make the effort to reach out to her. You may be just what she needs at this juncture of her life. And what a good person you are to want to help her |
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 Don't Wanna Make This Awkward
Posts: 3106
Location: Texas | I like the idea of going to dinner. She would probably enjoy it and im sure it would be comforting to talk about her mother. I would just drop hints like "Your mother was such a confident woman" maybe something like that? Because if yu tell her straight up she souldn't be desperate she will do the opposite, she's obviously a little lost and people tend to do the opposite of what they are told when thats going on. I would slowly build a relationship. Odds are there is an underlying problem here and its not the boyfriend situation.
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 Shelter Dog Lover
Posts: 10277
| I think it is a fantastic idea to take her to dinner and cultivate a relationship with her. I had best friend through junior high, we were together all the time. She moved and we drifted apart. Fast forward 25 years and my mother ran into her by chance. My friend told my mother what a blessing she had been to her and how much she helped her. My mother does not remember doing anything specific, I guess you never know how you can touch or impact someone's life just by being there. |
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 Own It and Move On
Location: The edge of no where | I think it's awesome you're thinking of reaching out to her. I'd try to take her to dinner and just 'be there'. She's not going to listen to anything you say about boys for quite a while....but I'm sure she'd love to hear stories about her mother. It's a tough age and she's going to need all the support she can get. (there's some things Dads just don't understand.) |
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  Independent Cuss
Posts: 3978
Location: Dearing, GA | Just my two cents- I lost my dad when I was 15, my sister was 12. My dad was only 47. Both my sister and I went through periods where we were desperate for male attention. Losing a parent at that age does something to the psychie, and girls tend to look for male attention for confirmation of being wanted and desired. Its something about filling that void. I think creating a relationship with her will be highly beneficial. |
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Reaching Out (long and OT)