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 Expert
Posts: 1432
  
Location: Never in one place long | I'm 30 now and my husband is 33 and I've never in my life really wanted kids... my husbands goes back and forth but seems fairly indifferent only saying he wants his parents to have a grandkid but doesn't seem to really want to be a dad and with our lifestyle.. I don't ever really see it happening nor do I want it to so I"m considering making the decision to have a tubal ligation unless he would have surgery...
Do any of you recommend a tubal ligation? Those that have had it, have you experienced side effects? I'm guessing it would be better for the guy to have the surgery since it's easier and can sometimes be reversed.
Does insurance generally cover this? I'm just looking for insight here on what to do.. worried about side effects etc. Anyone who's been through this and can offer advice would be great! Feel free to pm me please. |
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 Lived to tell about it and will never do it again
Posts: 5409
| You know they say the only thing that is 100% effective is to abstain. Taking the pill forever isn't really good for you either. It is way easier for him to have it done but like I said not 100%. You might have a hard time finding a doctor to do either one with your age and no kids unless you have health issues. |
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 Shelter Dog Lover
Posts: 10277
| I had a tubal ligation after having 4 kids in 4 years, done during the C-section, I was 30, no side effects at all. I am now 54. |
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The Advice Guru
Posts: 6419
| Certain tubals can be reversed.
As for which is better, men versus women, the arguement can be either way.
I have seen some men be in agony for a week.
I have seen women bounce back within a few days (unable to lift heavy objects for 6 weeks I believe but other then that normal life)
Once men are sterilized, I believe they are still fertile for a length of time, can't remember the exact amount, and certain doctors will order a sperm count to be done at a certain time post surgery to ensure the surgery was effective, as it isn't always effective.
Personally I couldn't ask my other half to be snipped, due to the unnecessary pain he would have to endure for my decision. And in your case he is still fence sitting, what happens if something happens to you and he meets someone else who he wants to have kids with?
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 Jr. Detective
Location: Beggs, OK | At 30 I already had 2 children and absolutely did not want to have any more... Then when I was 32 I started feeling like our family was missing someone. We ended up with twins, lol I wouldn't change a thing, but the point is, I wouldn't make a "permanent" decision until I was at least 35.
I had a tubal following my C-section with the twins, and I'm glad I did. Even with the difficulty that I've had with every pregnancy, I could probably talk myself into having another baby. I have had no issues whatsoever since my tubal. |
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 Firecracker Dog Lover
Posts: 3175
| After having a son (best kid ever!) at 31, married for 15 years at the time, and on the pill for 20 years I figured I'd endured enough of that part of it. My husband had a vasectomy (and he is not one to have a high pain tolerance so he milked it for longer than he could have) 3 years ago. WAY cheaper and insurance covered all but $150 of it. It's an office visit not a surgery (like it would be for you) - he was in and out in 45 minutes. Friend of ours had his vasectomy done at the same time, different doctor and different method - didn't work and he had to have it done again! Good luck with your decision. FYI my son was born when I was 31. |
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Extreme Veteran
Posts: 464
| Guy here........Sorry.......... I think some research is showing a link between vasectomies and prostate problems/cancer. |
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Firecracker Dog Lover
Posts: 3175
| Bigfoot - 2015-10-27 4:00 PM Guy here........Sorry.......... I think some research is showing a link between vasectomies and prostate problems/cancer. Show me the valid research! Here's what I found on a quick search: http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/prostate-cancer/expert-answers/vasectomy/FAQ-20058022
Edited by brlraceaddict 2015-10-27 6:28 PM
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 Extreme Veteran
Posts: 495
Location: Washington | I just had mine done last Wednesday, the 21st! My body did NOT get along with any BC. I am 28 and have two daughters. Other then having to change hospitals for religious reasons (the hospital's). I had no issues. My husband would not have anything to do with anyone being down there with a sharp object, so it was up to me lol
Now I cant say for side effects or how pleased I am with it, yet! I am excited to not have to worry.
There is the regular tubal, then it was brought to my attention, they can remove the tubes for better success rate. Because of Obamacare, insurance has to cover it but mine would not cover the tube removal so I just went with the regular.
For recovery, I feel like I got hit by a truck, all over body pain, and major migraines, which I never get but I'm assuming those are anesthesia related. I've been able to do anything I've wanted or needed to do, the pain hasn't been that limiting. I was putting up insulators and stringing hot wire less then 24 hours after getting out of the hospital (it is an outpatient procedure) Not advised but it was the lesser of two evils, string wire or chase a mare and foal later in the day. I took my daughter to a two day race over the weekend. Saturday was MISERABLE, especially since no drugs since I would be driving, and it was the third day post surgery.
Edited to add: We still have to pay deductible but anything above and over that is covered and anesthesiologist is not covered.
Edited by Lopin' Leopard 2015-10-27 8:14 PM
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Extreme Veteran
Posts: 464
| brlraceaddict - 2015-10-27 6:26 PM
Bigfoot - 2015-10-27 4:00 PM Guy here........Sorry.......... I think some research is showing a link between vasectomies and prostate problems/cancer. Show me the valid research! Here's what I found on a quick search: http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/prostate-cancer/expert-answers/vasectomy/FAQ-20058022
I found several scholarly articles on the subject. Look at research after 2014, prior to that they hadn't made the connection. In my reading, I found it lowers testosterone levels as well. That was news to me. A gentleman from church has prostate cancer. Two or three of us, take turns driving him to Nashville to the Doc. I heard one of the big guns down there discussing it. That's the only way I knew there was a link. |
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 Texas Tenderheart
Posts: 6715
Location: Red Raiderland | 95% of testosterone is made in the testicles and the rest are made in the adrenal glands. When a man has a vasectomy they clip the vas defrens and obviously the testes stay. It is a very simple procedure for a man whereas a tubal ligation or hysterectomy/oophectomy is MAJOR surgery for a woman. The prostate problems come from age related low testosterone in both men with or without having had a vasectomy. The low T comes for most men around 40 or so. It's just a part of getting old. If I were you I'd talkyour husband into getting the vasectomy. |
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 Elite Veteran
Posts: 787
Location: NE Pa-Gods Country | i was in your shoes years ago...i never wanted any kids and had a tubal when i was 30...i was married at the time and hubby had 2 children. Divorce 5 years later and met and been with my soulmate for 26 years now...he did not want kids either. DON'T have a child to please anyone but yourself. my co workers always said 'have one...you will change your mind...' i said, 'what if i have one and DON"T change my mind....what then?.....and yes tubals can be reversed and they do them thru the belly button. ps I am 60 now and have never regretted my decision.
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Industrial Srength Barrel Racer
Posts: 7268
| mhprimetime - 2015-10-27 10:37 PM
i was in your shoes years ago...i never wanted any kids and had a tubal when i was 30...i was married at the time and hubby had 2 children. Divorce 5 years later and met and been with my soulmate for 26 years now...he did not want kids either. DON'T have a child to please anyone but yourself. my co workers always said 'have one...you will change your mind...' i said, 'what if i have one and DON"T change my mind....what then?.....and yes tubals can be reversed and they do them thru the belly button. ps I am 60 now and have never regretted my decision.
AMEN! I am 50, never had kids and I am NOT sorry! (Although I have had step-kids who I adore). I just never had the overwhelming urge to have one of my own. - AND there is NOTHING wrong with that.  |
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 Expert
Posts: 1304
| I don't have much advice but I thought I would mention the "birth control" I am on. I have the Paraguard which is a HORMONE FREE, copper IUD and its good for 10 years. It was a little painful in the beginning and around that time of month, I may have a few cramps that feel like an "IUD cramp" but I feel that it's worth it because it doesn't effect me hormone wise and it's good for so long, and if you want to get pregnant you can virtually get pregnant as soon as you remove it. I've heard of some being allergic to the copper, but I've been fine. Good luck and prayers with your decision! |
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Extreme Veteran
Posts: 495
Location: Washington | blccwgl55 - 2015-10-28 4:57 AM
I don't have much advice but I thought I would mention the "birth control" I am on. I have the Paraguard which is a HORMONE FREE, copper IUD and its good for 10 years. It was a little painful in the beginning and around that time of month, I may have a few cramps that feel like an "IUD cramp" but I feel that it's worth it because it doesn't effect me hormone wise and it's good for so long, and if you want to get pregnant you can virtually get pregnant as soon as you remove it. I've heard of some being allergic to the copper, but I've been fine. Good luck and prayers with your decision!
I tried this as well since my body does not like the hormones from the other BC. After four years I started having a a reaction to the copper. Major hair loss, nails flaking off, going literally crazy, doc tried putting me on bi-polar meds.
Had the IUD pulled and have been fine since, all those things went away.
The docs also talked to me about using the new metal plantation in exchange for having your tubes ties, it's in office, its permanent, your body creates scare tissue or something of the sore to block the tubes, but with the reaction I had with the IUD I was NOT willing to try that |
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Expert
Posts: 1432
Location: Never in one place long | mhprimetime - 2015-10-27 10:37 PM
i was in your shoes years ago...i never wanted any kids and had a tubal when i was 30...i was married at the time and hubby had 2 children. Divorce 5 years later and met and been with my soulmate for 26 years now...he did not want kids either. DON'T have a child to please anyone but yourself. my co workers always said 'have one...you will change your mind...' i said, 'what if i have one and DON"T change my mind....what then?.....and yes tubals can be reversed and they do them thru the belly button. ps I am 60 now and have never regretted my decision.
My thoughts exactly!! When you have a kid, it's too late to go back and everyone has always said oh just do it, you'll change your mind etc but I've never fantasized about having a child, I have absolutely no desire. I love my niece and nephew and see them a few times a year and that's enough for me! my co-workers pressure me too but then all I hear is them griping about their kids! Doesn't sound like fun to me... |
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 Thread Killer
Posts: 7545
| DLV - 2015-10-28 10:28 AM
mhprimetime - 2015-10-27 10:37 PM
i was in your shoes years ago...i never wanted any kids and had a tubal when i was 30...i was married at the time and hubby had 2 children. Divorce 5 years later and met and been with my soulmate for 26 years now...he did not want kids either. DON'T have a child to please anyone but yourself. my co workers always said 'have one...you will change your mind...' i said, 'what if i have one and DON"T change my mind....what then?.....and yes tubals can be reversed and they do them thru the belly button. ps I am 60 now and have never regretted my decision.
My thoughts exactly!! When you have a kid, it's too late to go back and everyone has always said oh just do it, you'll change your mind etc but I've never fantasized about having a child, I have absolutely no desire. I love my niece and nephew and see them a few times a year and that's enough for me! my co-workers pressure me too but then all I hear is them griping about their kids! Doesn't sound like fun to me...
I agree with you ladies. No desire to have kids, myself. I get really tired of people shoving thier beliefs down my throat on this issue. People are allowed to find happiness in different things. It really is not a crime. It's perfectly fine to want children. It's perfectly fine to not want them as well.As far as getting a tubal goes, I wish you luck and a speedy recovery! |
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Expert
Posts: 1304
| Oh goodness! I'm sorry you had that reaction. Hopefully everything continues well with mine as I got it a year ago. I hope you find something that works for you! |
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 Transplant Okie
Posts: 1206
Location: Always on call..... | I'm 34 and just got my second Mirena IUD placed because I still don't want kids. However I wasn't ready to do anything permanent. Just in case - I've seen too many patients regret making that decision when they were younger.
If I was your doctor I'd encourage you to at least try one of the longer term forms of birth control - Implanon or an IUD (Paraguard or Mirena) just because of your age. All of these are easily inserted in the office and easily removed if you don't like them. I strongly emphasize to patients that tubals and vasectomies are permanent. There are instances of them being reversed but the success rate of that is pretty low. And it's very expensive.
If you are still sure you want something permanent, a vasectomy is the less risky and cheaper option. I've personally performed both procedures. Vasectomies are a quick outpatient procedure, minimal risk of injuring any structure other than the vas deferens. Tubals require general anesthesia and entering the abdomen. Any abdominal surgery has risk of bowel injury, accidently cutting the ureters instead of the Fallopian tubes and hernia.
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 Owner of a ratting catting machine
Posts: 2258
| I had to have emergency life saving surgery after my IUD caused an ectopic pregnancy. My tube burst and it was a super rotten time for me. All this happened in August.
I'm 31 with no children, don't want children, and my husband is 41 with two children of his own. Before my surgery, I asked the doctor to take out both tubes. He, by policy, could not due to billing issues since I was being rushed to surgery. Crazy deal.
Anyway, the surgery was quite a painful thing, the next few days were misery on toast. I really didn't want to go through that again, and obviously the IUD route was a fail, SO...
Hubby got a vasectomy. I am very proud and very relieved that he did that for us. I was not relishing going back under the knife or having more people play around in my uterus while I was awake. Like at all relishing the thought.
The first few days he was a whine bag, but I really think the experience merited the whining. Then he was fine. He's glad it's over, I'm glad I didn't have to see more doctors, everyone is happy. :)
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  Warmblood with Wings
Posts: 27846
Location: Florida.. | I had a Tubal during a C section.. no side effects..
I think if it was more my decision then Id have the procedure not ask my mate.. to.. |
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 BHW's Lance Armstrong 
Posts: 11134
Location: Somewhere between S@%&# stirrer and Saint | I haven't read this whole thing but a woman can get Lazer done to her uterus to keep from getting prego. |
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 Hawty & Nawty
Posts: 20424
| I had three girls and just gave birth to my son. With four kids I was sure I was done. With the epidural in place I was wheeled into surgery for the tubal. Six years later I was gifted with Dakota. The perfect gift I never thought I wanted. Please wait a while...things somehow change as you age. Trust me. I'm so glad Dakota is with me. She is my best bud.
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 "Spaz-tacular"!!
Posts: 20309
Location: Bennett, CO | At 30 something I KNEW I never wanted kids... When I turned 38, life was stable and good.. and we started talking about having a baby. We still were not really ready, but discussed it.
I went off Birth Control Pills at 39 and was pregnat in a couple of months, and delivered at 40 (With the AWESOME label of "Elderly Pregnanct.....ELDERLY?!?!?!"
Im thrilled with our decision, and am glad I didnt miss this part of life... But its not something for everyone... But I will say, me having a child was a big shock to everyone |
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 Toastest with the Mostest
Posts: 5712
Location: That part of Texas | Have you actually discussed any of this with your doctor or just starting to think about it? I ask because I've had personal experience with looking into this area (contemplating hysterectomy especially given family history) and in my area, it's hard to find someone who will consider anyway limiting your ability to have kids on a permanent basis at your age when you don't (1) already have kids or (2) have some medical problem making it necessary to do so. You may be okay since you're married but they may still balk at considering it if they think you're on the fence about the issue in any way. It was frustrating for me to deal with and being in extreme pain with female issues to wage that fight and I eventually just gave up -- they put me on deprovera again (which works well with my body) and the issue has been moot. I would just check into if it's an option they will consider before you go too far.  |
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