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 Extreme Veteran
Posts: 425
 
Location: California | So yesterday, I got off work at 4:00, I had been house sitting at my moms house, but it was the last day so I was cleaning up my stuff. I picked up dinner for myself & my fiance on the other side of town (30-40 min drive home).
Anyway, as I am driving home, a friend of mine sent me a screen shot from Instagram of a random girl riding MY HORSE. It was in her paddock with a random rope around her face, not even her halter!
Then ANOTHER girl posted a picture while riding my horse. I DO NOT KNOW EITHER OF THESE GIRLS!
Turns out my fiance decided it was okay to pony them around on my horse (which mind you, I have asked him NOT to do MULTIPLE times)
My horse is NOT toy, my animals are NOT a zoo, and I just really don't appreciate the fact he DID NOT ASK ME, DID NOT TELL ME when I got home, until I brought it up.
I am feeling very disrespected. My fiance knows about horses, my horse is NOT beginner broke. I have been able to give lessons on her in the past, but with MY SUPERVISION. I know my horse, he doesn't. He says that I am being psycho & overly dramatic, but I feel as though I have been violated. |
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 Chicken Chick
Posts: 3562
  
Location: Texas | How old are these girls? |
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 762
Location: NC | I would have flipped. My animals are mine. I dont share. I dont mean an occasional pony ride but i do not let anyone ride them without me there. None of them are beginner broke either, but i can occasional do pony rides as long as im standing there. JMO |
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 Serious Snap Trapper
Posts: 4275
Location: In The Snow, AZ | I'd be ****ed. My dad did the same thing to me. He was feeding the horses while hubby and I were out of town. I didn't get a picture. But he said his wife's kids(my folks are divorced) really enjoyed riding my horse. I told him that was wrong of him and not his place to make that decision without consulting me. And it had better not happen again. He doesn't understand the harm in it. And maybe there is no harm done, but it is disrespectful. |
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| You have every right to be totally, over-the-top, ballistic; especially because you had already told your fiancé to not pony your horse. Your fiancé completely crossed the line. What if those girls had gotten hurt? You and he both would have been up a creek. I would have a serious discussion with someone that close to me that would cross this line so badly.
And, yes, I too wonder how old those girls are?
Good luck. |
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 Stinky Cat Owner
Posts: 4097
Location: Oregon | I would have come completely uncorked. |
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Extreme Veteran
Posts: 425
Location: California | They are in highschool so anywhere from 14-18 respectively. The girl who told me is 15.
I was so mad/upset that I broke down crying when I was going off on him. & yes exactly MY HORSE |
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Common Sense and then some
Location: So. California | What does that tell you about how much your fiancé respects you?
Since he has already disregarded your wishes, I'd be looking for a new fiancé... |
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 Expert
Posts: 2604
Location: Texas | I would seriously be reconsidering marrying this guy! |
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 Googly Goo
Posts: 7053
| ~BINGO~ - 2015-10-29 12:44 PM I'd be ****ed. My dad did the same thing to me. He was feeding the horses while hubby and I were out of town. I didn't get a picture. But he said his wife's kids(my folks are divorced) really enjoyed riding my horse. I told him that was wrong of him and not his place to make that decision without consulting me. And it had better not happen again. He doesn't understand the harm in it. And maybe there is no harm done, but it is disrespectful.
I would have never told my Dad that he couldn't use something of mine without consulting with me. Especially if it was while he was at my house doing me a favor.
Guess I just grew up in another time. |
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 Expert
Posts: 3815
Location: The best kept secret in TX | My SO has told people who have asked before that I'm in charge of the horses. INcluding feeding, brushing, tacking, trailering, everything. I am usually a very easy going person but I flipped on him one day when He thought he would help me by feeding and brushing out the horses. Given, he was trying to help... But he did it all wrong. He knows now that I need no help and want no help. It's not the way to earn brownie points with me per say.
I agree with the above posters, what would've happened if they got hurt?? And more importantly why was he alone with two girls you don't know giving them "pony rides".... Uhm... Serious conversations need to happen here. I would've already flipped on my SO. |
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 Warrior Mom
Posts: 4400
| I'd be livid.... I'm even weird about MY own kids or my in laws trying to jump on any of my horses... whether I'm here or not. My kids know better than to just go get on my good roping horse and when my in laws kids ask I always say no.. they quit asking anyway.. I'm not running a pony ride operation. My hubby knows better too lol! Very very seldom I'll let one of my sons to cool out my horse after we rope... maybe I'm dramatic?! So I'm not a good one to ask I guess. My daughter has 2 of her own to ride so she rarely asks me anyway ... |
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 Undercover Amish Mafia Member
Posts: 9991
Location: Kansas | Hold on.........I think some people need to stop and reconsider telling the OP to look for a different fiancee.
While it was wrong of him to allow it....doesn't mean she needs to leave him for it!!! I would just sit down and have a talk with him and let him know in a respectable manner how you feel about it.
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Extreme Veteran
Posts: 425
Location: California | Anniemae - 2015-10-29 10:48 AM What does that tell you about how much your fiancé respects you? Since he has already disregarded your wishes, I'd be looking for a new fiancé...
Exactly what I went off telling him, like clearly he didn't listen to me. He apoligized and said he didn't even think (which made me worry more).
I have never reconsidered it more than I had yesterday. & I think it's just making me more mad today. I have barely talked to him since yesterday after I lost it.
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 Good Grief!
Posts: 6343
Location: Cap'n Joan Rotgut.....alberta | Nobody touchs my horses.....period......M |
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 Expert
Posts: 4121
Location: SE Louisiana | It sounds to me like your fiance is sucking up to two teenage girls. |
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Extreme Veteran
Posts: 425
Location: California | & yes exactly to the above posts about what if they got hurt. That's exactly my point. He knows horses VERY well. He does not have one of his own at the moment. The weather over here has been "stormy". Yesterday was cold and windy, and it was supposed to rain. Which in any right-horse-minded person knows that this can make horses act on edge! Let alone with people jumping around them who the horses doesn't even know!
He NEVER himself asks to ride my horse, which is another reason I don't understand why he thinks it's okay to let other people. |
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 Buttered Noodles Snacker
Posts: 4377
Location: NC | I wouldn't have been that upset. but to each their own. |
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 Hawty & Nawty
Posts: 20424
| I probably would feel creepy about why my man would try and entertain 18 year old girls. Forget the horse, what would happen if something he inadvertantly said or did gave one of them the wrong idea? Who's he trying to impress? I wouldn't end the relationship but holy hell the hammer would fall. |
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 672
| ccarpe18 - 2015-10-29 12:53 PM
Anniemae - 2015-10-29 10:48 AM What does that tell you about how much your fiancé respects you? Since he has already disregarded your wishes, I'd be looking for a new fiancé...
Exactly what I went off telling him, like clearly he didn't listen to me. He apoligized and said he didn't even think (which made me worry more).
I have never reconsidered it more than I had yesterday. & I think it's just making me more mad today. I have barely talked to him since yesterday after I lost it.
I think talking about ending it over this is a little extreme, unless there are other issues that haven't been brought up. I totally don't think you are being dramatic - I would have gone off on my husband the same way had it happen to me BUT you need to take a look from his side too.
He probably DIDN'T know you would react the way you did and if he DID know he probably wouldn't have let them ride your horse!
Now that he knows how you feel about it he will probably not let anyone touch your horse from now on!
He probably feels bad, but at least he knows where the line is 
Now if he does it again......that's another story! |
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Hungarian Midget Woman
Location: Midwest | Is he a horse person?
And why were these young girls there at your house? |
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Warrior Mom
Posts: 4400
| ~BINGO~ - 2015-10-29 12:44 PM
I'd be ****ed. My dad did the same thing to me. He was feeding the horses while hubby and I were out of town. I didn't get a picture. But he said his wife's kids(my folks are divorced) really enjoyed riding my horse. I told him that was wrong of him and not his place to make that decision without consulting me. And it had better not happen again. He doesn't understand the harm in it. And maybe there is no harm done, but it is disrespectful.
I can somewhat relate to this... it wasn't "my" horse but my hubby's good roping horse.. we needed a place to keep him for a few days. We kept him at his dad's while we moved. We got an angry phone call from him saying this horse is a total whack job... he won't let him put a bit in his mouth and he won't stand still... he was trying to let his grandkids who aren't horsey.. ride him around.. we got there and he had shoved some gawd awful straight bar bit into his mouth ... keep in mind, this horse is so very soft in the mouth he heels off him without a bridle and he's just automatic on both ends... not just some dinky horse we own.. he's worth quite a bit of money... anyway ... my hubby took the bridle off and said no I'm sorry. We ended up taking him to a boarding stable down the road till we got moved. Yeah.... family Christmas was fabulous that year... |
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Extreme Veteran
Posts: 425
Location: California | RidenFly - 2015-10-29 10:59 AM I probably would feel creepy about why my man would try and entertain 18 year old girls. Forget the horse, what would happen if something he inadvertantly said or did gave one of them the wrong idea? Who's he trying to impress? I wouldn't end the relationship but holy hell the hammer would fall.
He said who they were, I had to re-read the text message. I guess one girl is his Moms God-Neice & the other girl is her friend. One thing I missed is his mom rode her to.
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Chicken Chick
Posts: 3562
Location: Texas | Well... I would be very mad. If this was the first time and he didn't think you would mind or whatever that is one thing, but if you have had this talk before and he didn't care then I would be livid. I would want to know how he knows these girls, why they were there, why he offered for them to ride my horse, why he couldn't wait until I was home, why he couldn't tell me if he didn't think it was a big deal, and why they were so special that he went against my wishes to make them happy.
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Extreme Veteran
Posts: 425
Location: California | veintiocho - 2015-10-29 11:00 AM ccarpe18 - 2015-10-29 12:53 PM Anniemae - 2015-10-29 10:48 AM What does that tell you about how much your fiancé respects you? Since he has already disregarded your wishes, I'd be looking for a new fiancé... Exactly what I went off telling him, like clearly he didn't listen to me. He apoligized and said he didn't even think (which made me worry more).
I have never reconsidered it more than I had yesterday. & I think it's just making me more mad today. I have barely talked to him since yesterday after I lost it.
I think talking about ending it over this is a little extreme, unless there are other issues that haven't been brought up. I totally don't think you are being dramatic - I would have gone off on my husband the same way had it happen to me BUT you need to take a look from his side too. He probably DIDN'T know you would react the way you did and if he DID know he probably wouldn't have let them ride your horse! Now that he knows how you feel about it he will probably not let anyone touch your horse from now on! He probably feels bad, but at least he knows where the line is Now if he does it again......that's another story!
I agree, ending it would be overly dramatic, I did however consider it because I was SO mad.
I have gone off before about this, when I saw HIS friend leading my horse with his "gf" (the gf is my fiance's cousin) & didn't ask me that time either.
I had asked him nicely before NOT to let other people ride my horse. I guess that's just one of my main pet-peeves.
Another thing that got me going was how he was just so "whatever" about it. Like one of his MAIN sayings is "Don't let anyone borrow your girl, your HORSE, or your gun". Sure so borrowing mine is perfectly okay. |
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 Elite Veteran
Posts: 1182
Location: Do I hear Banjos? | The "I wasn't thinking/didn't think" excuse is a cop out. Who exactly are these girls? Neighbors? Mutual friends of you both? How old are you guys? Had they been to your house before?
It's not his horse. Common sense says he should have asked you first. It's not as though it would take more than a quick text message to get an answer. If he already knew you do not want others riding your horse...then he did exactly what he wanted to do with your property against your wishes. He didn't ask because he knew what your answer would be. What would motivate him to do that thoughtlessly? THAT is the issue here...why he did it. Why pleasing some young girls was more important than respecting you, and your property.
I have learned over the years that you cannot make a selfish self serving person be thoughtful. They will do what suits them best in the moment...then say "I wasn't thinking" when you ask why they would do what they did. They were thinking...but only about themselves and their needs of the moment. |
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 Expert
Posts: 5290
| You warned him multiple times. I would def reconsider marriage. |
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 You get what you give
Posts: 13030
Location: Texas | Here's my perspective.. depends on these girls situations. There are some girls that are just horse crazy- we should all be able to relate- but don't have the blessing of getting horses like we do. When I was younger, my first reaction would have been to flip out. But, at this point in time, I welcome people to come out and see my horses, and let them ride with supervision. Yes, even our expensive 1D horses because they are actually three very gentle riding horses as long as we are within range to instruct them.
I do understand the anger with having your fiance let someone ride without your permission. But at the same time, if my fiance was as knowledgeable about horses as you say, I would have trusted him in that situation.
I would be VERY upset, however, if the girl got on my horse with no permission at all, or if someone at the barn i board at did that. In that instance, I would come unglued.
I would hesitate to rip your fiance a new one over this. First off, he's actually out there with your horse, which is more than what some of us can say about our SOs. Second, he probably did it with good intentions. I would discuss it that he should ask first and respect your wishes whatever they may be, but... don't kill any passion he's got to be around your horses and that part of your life. Because, once they no longer give two ----- about what you do with the horses, or start to resent... you're in for real problems. |
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Expert
Posts: 2685
| I would have been livid. Like others have said, your horses. ESPECIALLY if you have vetoed it before. That's very- a lot of things. Had my bf (lives with me) had done something like that, we would have a major discussion and if I didn't get an omg I'm sorry over it, it would then be a come to Jesus. |
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 1182
Location: Do I hear Banjos? |
Because, once they no longer give two ----- about what you do with the horses, or start to resent... you're in for real problems.
She is already in for real problems because the man that is supposed to put her needs and wishes first in his heart...is already showing that he doesn't.
You can't have good intentions when you completely disregard the wishes/instructions she gave about her horse. |
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Hawty & Nawty
Posts: 20424
| ccarpe18 - 2015-10-30 11:07 AM RidenFly - 2015-10-29 10:59 AM I probably would feel creepy about why my man would try and entertain 18 year old girls. Forget the horse, what would happen if something he inadvertantly said or did gave one of them the wrong idea? Who's he trying to impress? I wouldn't end the relationship but holy hell the hammer would fall. He said who they were, I had to re-read the text message. I guess one girl is his Moms God-Neice & the other girl is her friend. One thing I missed is his mom rode her to.
That's a relief. Some guys just need to be smacked with an iron skillet to understand our relationships with our horses. Forgive him. Trust me, in the big picture of marriage and the troubles life will throw at you, this is petty. Make sure he knows again how you feel and then drop it. You don't throw out an entire relationship over this. The world will give you bigger reasons later and you need this time to learn how to communicate. ((hugs)) |
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Undercover Amish Mafia Member
Posts: 9991
Location: Kansas | people really are taking this a bit far. I'm young but still understand a little something called COMMUNICATION.
Not be immature and think about leaving him because he pulled a stupid act. Did he cheat on you? Did the girls get injured? Did your horse get injured? From what I read NO.
Ignoring him for a day or so will not solve your issues.
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Extreme Veteran
Posts: 425
Location: California | casualdust07 - 2015-10-29 11:14 AM Here's my perspective.. depends on these girls situations. There are some girls that are just horse crazy- we should all be able to relate- but don't have the blessing of getting horses like we do. When I was younger, my first reaction would have been to flip out. But, at this point in time, I welcome people to come out and see my horses, and let them ride with supervision. Yes, even our expensive 1D horses because they are actually three very gentle riding horses as long as we are within range to instruct them. I do understand the anger with having your fiance let someone ride without your permission. But at the same time, if my fiance was as knowledgeable about horses as you say, I would have trusted him in that situation. I would be VERY upset, however, if the girl got on my horse with no permission at all, or if someone at the barn i board at did that. In that instance, I would come unglued. I would hesitate to rip your fiance a new one over this. First off, he's actually out there with your horse, which is more than what some of us can say about our SOs. Second, he probably did it with good intentions. I would discuss it that he should ask first and respect your wishes whatever they may be, but... don't kill any passion he's got to be around your horses and that part of your life. Because, once they no longer give two ----- about what you do with the horses, or start to resent... you're in for real problems.
Typically this is my perspective as well. But in every other case, he does not like my horse because she is grade. He only likes registered horses.
This type of scenario is the only time he pays any attention to my horse. Other than randomly throwing them some hay when I am at work in the morning. On the other hand, my other horse... 3 yr old andalusian stud cold (registered), he loves. BUT with this one, he mad handles when he get's drunk. My cold is extremely sensitive & intelligent & is now completely FREAKED out of him. So he's not allowed to mess with this one either. & he's not broke anyway.
Basically he likes to pretend the horses are his if he gets in a show off-y mood. |
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Serious Snap Trapper
Posts: 4275
Location: In The Snow, AZ | TXBO - 2015-10-29 10:49 AM ~BINGO~ - 2015-10-29 12:44 PM I'd be ****ed. My dad did the same thing to me. He was feeding the horses while hubby and I were out of town. I didn't get a picture. But he said his wife's kids(my folks are divorced) really enjoyed riding my horse. I told him that was wrong of him and not his place to make that decision without consulting me. And it had better not happen again. He doesn't understand the harm in it. And maybe there is no harm done, but it is disrespectful. I would have never told my Dad that he couldn't use something of mine without consulting with me. Especially if it was while he was at my house doing me a favor.
Guess I just grew up in another time.
Where I can understand what you're saying, my dad has never been around horses aside from throwing hay. They didn't even put a halter on my mare. He threw the kids, two at a time, on her and kissed at her to make her move. It's not as if I was rude to him. I'm very respectful of my parents. But I don't trust my horses with little kids on them, and he was putting them in danger. JMO. |
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Buttered Noodles Snacker
Posts: 4377
Location: NC | RidenFly - 2015-10-29 12:59 PM
I probably would feel creepy about why my man would try and entertain 18 year old girls. Forget the horse, what would happen if something he inadvertantly said or did gave one of them the wrong idea? Who's he trying to impress? I wouldn't end the relationship but holy hell the hammer would fall.
This^^^ |
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The Advice Guru
Posts: 6419
| This would never happen to me, as everyone in my friend/family circle respects me, and my horses.
As others have said, you have a more serious issue, if you have spoke to him multiple times about not letting strangers touching the horses, he doesn't care about your feelings, doesn't respect you as a person, and definitely not respecting you enough for you to marry him.
If he is getting away with this, sad to say, he will hurt you later on. He is already sneaking around, not consulting you, eventually he will be sleeping with other people. |
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 1182
Location: Do I hear Banjos? | I'm sure my concerns stem from my experiences. And we truly don't know enough here to recommend anything. But...I have learned that general selfishness and disregard for my feelings is a big red flag and doesn't bode well for the future without some desire on their part to change that. I wish I had known then what I know now about relationships and personalities.
I'm married now to a thoughtful truly considerate man. I wouldn't trade that for anything now....or settle for less. |
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You get what you give
Posts: 13030
Location: Texas | ccarpe18 - 2015-10-29 1:23 PM
casualdust07 - 2015-10-29 11:14 AM Here's my perspective.. depends on these girls situations. There are some girls that are just horse crazy- we should all be able to relate- but don't have the blessing of getting horses like we do. When I was younger, my first reaction would have been to flip out. But, at this point in time, I welcome people to come out and see my horses, and let them ride with supervision. Yes, even our expensive 1D horses because they are actually three very gentle riding horses as long as we are within range to instruct them. I do understand the anger with having your fiance let someone ride without your permission. But at the same time, if my fiance was as knowledgeable about horses as you say, I would have trusted him in that situation. I would be VERY upset, however, if the girl got on my horse with no permission at all, or if someone at the barn i board at did that. In that instance, I would come unglued. I would hesitate to rip your fiance a new one over this. First off, he's actually out there with your horse, which is more than what some of us can say about our SOs. Second, he probably did it with good intentions. I would discuss it that he should ask first and respect your wishes whatever they may be, but... don't kill any passion he's got to be around your horses and that part of your life. Because, once they no longer give two ----- about what you do with the horses, or start to resent... you're in for real problems.
Typically this is my perspective as well. But in every other case, he does not like my horse because she is grade. He only likes registered horses.
This type of scenario is the only time he pays any attention to my horse. Other than randomly throwing them some hay when I am at work in the morning. On the other hand, my other horse... 3 yr old andalusian stud cold (registered), he loves. BUT with this one, he mad handles when he get's drunk. My cold is extremely sensitive & intelligent & is now completely FREAKED out of him. So he's not allowed to mess with this one either. & he's not broke anyway.
Basically he likes to pretend the horses are his if he gets in a show off-y mood.
well then, to me it sounds like there's more than what's on the surface than what was originally said... because there's more feelings involved than just this one incident.
Edited by casualdust07 2015-10-29 1:27 PM
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 672
| ccarpe18 - 2015-10-29 1:23 PM
casualdust07 - 2015-10-29 11:14 AM Here's my perspective.. depends on these girls situations. There are some girls that are just horse crazy- we should all be able to relate- but don't have the blessing of getting horses like we do. When I was younger, my first reaction would have been to flip out. But, at this point in time, I welcome people to come out and see my horses, and let them ride with supervision. Yes, even our expensive 1D horses because they are actually three very gentle riding horses as long as we are within range to instruct them. I do understand the anger with having your fiance let someone ride without your permission. But at the same time, if my fiance was as knowledgeable about horses as you say, I would have trusted him in that situation. I would be VERY upset, however, if the girl got on my horse with no permission at all, or if someone at the barn i board at did that. In that instance, I would come unglued. I would hesitate to rip your fiance a new one over this. First off, he's actually out there with your horse, which is more than what some of us can say about our SOs. Second, he probably did it with good intentions. I would discuss it that he should ask first and respect your wishes whatever they may be, but... don't kill any passion he's got to be around your horses and that part of your life. Because, once they no longer give two ----- about what you do with the horses, or start to resent... you're in for real problems.
Typically this is my perspective as well. But in every other case, he does not like my horse because she is grade. He only likes registered horses.
This type of scenario is the only time he pays any attention to my horse. Other than randomly throwing them some hay when I am at work in the morning. On the other hand, my other horse... 3 yr old andalusian stud cold (registered), he loves. BUT with this one, he mad handles when he get's drunk. My cold is extremely sensitive & intelligent & is now completely FREAKED out of him. So he's not allowed to mess with this one either. & he's not broke anyway.
Basically he likes to pretend the horses are his if he gets in a show off-y mood.
Girl, he better have some other **** good qualities and not act like that any more.. |
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Googly Goo
Posts: 7053
| Just Plain Lucky - 2015-10-29 1:21 PM TXBO - 2015-10-29 1:49 PM ~BINGO~ - 2015-10-29 12:44 PM I'd be ****ed. My dad did the same thing to me. He was feeding the horses while hubby and I were out of town. I didn't get a picture. But he said his wife's kids(my folks are divorced) really enjoyed riding my horse. I told him that was wrong of him and not his place to make that decision without consulting me. And it had better not happen again. He doesn't understand the harm in it. And maybe there is no harm done, but it is disrespectful. I would have never told my Dad that he couldn't use something of mine without consulting with me. Especially if it was while he was at my house doing me a favor.
Guess I just grew up in another time.
If my Dad had burned up my Jaguar by smoking a cigar in it, I would make sure he was ok and move on. |
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Hawty & Nawty
Posts: 20424
| Just Plain Lucky - 2015-10-30 11:26 AM ccarpe18 - 2015-10-29 2:23 PM casualdust07 - 2015-10-29 11:14 AM Here's my perspective.. depends on these girls situations. There are some girls that are just horse crazy- we should all be able to relate- but don't have the blessing of getting horses like we do. When I was younger, my first reaction would have been to flip out. But, at this point in time, I welcome people to come out and see my horses, and let them ride with supervision. Yes, even our expensive 1D horses because they are actually three very gentle riding horses as long as we are within range to instruct them. I do understand the anger with having your fiance let someone ride without your permission. But at the same time, if my fiance was as knowledgeable about horses as you say, I would have trusted him in that situation. I would be VERY upset, however, if the girl got on my horse with no permission at all, or if someone at the barn i board at did that. In that instance, I would come unglued. I would hesitate to rip your fiance a new one over this. First off, he's actually out there with your horse, which is more than what some of us can say about our SOs. Second, he probably did it with good intentions. I would discuss it that he should ask first and respect your wishes whatever they may be, but... don't kill any passion he's got to be around your horses and that part of your life. Because, once they no longer give two ----- about what you do with the horses, or start to resent... you're in for real problems. Typically this is my perspective as well. But in every other case, he does not like my horse because she is grade. He only likes registered horses.
This type of scenario is the only time he pays any attention to my horse. Other than randomly throwing them some hay when I am at work in the morning. On the other hand, my other horse... 3 yr old andalusian stud cold (registered), he loves. BUT with this one, he mad handles when he get's drunk. My cold is extremely sensitive & intelligent & is now completely FREAKED out of him. So he's not allowed to mess with this one either. & he's not broke anyway.
Basically he likes to pretend the horses are his if he gets in a show off-y mood.
OP, this is just getting worse. Stop while you're ahead. |
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Extreme Veteran
Posts: 425
Location: California | hoofs_in_motion - 2015-10-29 11:21 AM people really are taking this a bit far. I'm young but still understand a little something called COMMUNICATION.
Not be immature and think about leaving him because he pulled a stupid act. Did he cheat on you? Did the girls get injured? Did your horse get injured? From what I read NO.
Ignoring him for a day or so will not solve your issues.
I'm not really going to leave him over this.
But I have tried to communicate with him about this sort of thing before. I constantly talk about how I hate when random people show up at the barn, & just go & play with my mini pigs & in this instance go & mess around with my horses.
He literally does NOT want to hear it... I tried to communicate calmy & he just continues with "this conversation is over" & that's all he has to say.
I'm 24, hes 25. |
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Extreme Veteran
Posts: 372
| ccarpe18 - 2015-10-29 12:39 PM
So yesterday, I got off work at 4:00, I had been house sitting at my moms house, but it was the last day so I was cleaning up my stuff. I picked up dinner for myself & my fiance on the other side of town (30-40 min drive home).
Anyway, as I am driving home, a friend of mine sent me a screen shot from Instagram of a random girl riding MY HORSE. It was in her paddock with a random rope around her face, not even her halter!
Then ANOTHER girl posted a picture while riding my horse. I DO NOT KNOW EITHER OF THESE GIRLS!
Turns out my fiance decided it was okay to pony them around on my horse (which mind you, I have asked him NOT to do MULTIPLE times)
My horse is NOT toy, my animals are NOT a zoo, and I just really don't appreciate the fact he DID NOT ASK ME, DID NOT TELL ME when I got home, until I brought it up.
I am feeling very disrespected. My fiance knows about horses, my horse is NOT beginner broke. I have been able to give lessons on her in the past, but with MY SUPERVISION. I know my horse, he doesn't. He says that I am being psycho & overly dramatic, but I feel as though I have been violated.
Dump him.
life is to short for disrespectin
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 1182
Location: Do I hear Banjos? | ccarpe18 - 2015-10-29 1:23 PM
casualdust07 - 2015-10-29 11:14 AM Here's my perspective.. depends on these girls situations. There are some girls that are just horse crazy- we should all be able to relate- but don't have the blessing of getting horses like we do. When I was younger, my first reaction would have been to flip out. But, at this point in time, I welcome people to come out and see my horses, and let them ride with supervision. Yes, even our expensive 1D horses because they are actually three very gentle riding horses as long as we are within range to instruct them. I do understand the anger with having your fiance let someone ride without your permission. But at the same time, if my fiance was as knowledgeable about horses as you say, I would have trusted him in that situation. I would be VERY upset, however, if the girl got on my horse with no permission at all, or if someone at the barn i board at did that. In that instance, I would come unglued. I would hesitate to rip your fiance a new one over this. First off, he's actually out there with your horse, which is more than what some of us can say about our SOs. Second, he probably did it with good intentions. I would discuss it that he should ask first and respect your wishes whatever they may be, but... don't kill any passion he's got to be around your horses and that part of your life. Because, once they no longer give two ----- about what you do with the horses, or start to resent... you're in for real problems.
Typically this is my perspective as well. But in every other case, he does not like my horse because she is grade. He only likes registered horses.
This type of scenario is the only time he pays any attention to my horse. Other than randomly throwing them some hay when I am at work in the morning. On the other hand, my other horse... 3 yr old andalusian stud cold (registered), he loves. BUT with this one, he mad handles when he get's drunk. My cold is extremely sensitive & intelligent & is now completely FREAKED out of him. So he's not allowed to mess with this one either. & he's not broke anyway.
Basically he likes to pretend the horses are his if he gets in a show off-y mood.
More RED flags here.
Why do people settle for less than wonderful? It's out there. Wait for it. I wish I had...but at least I found it eventually. My problem was...I thought it didn't exist and settled for something so much less. Don't make that mistake. |
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Googly Goo
Posts: 7053
| ~BINGO~ - 2015-10-29 1:24 PM TXBO - 2015-10-29 10:49 AM ~BINGO~ - 2015-10-29 12:44 PM I'd be ****ed. My dad did the same thing to me. He was feeding the horses while hubby and I were out of town. I didn't get a picture. But he said his wife's kids(my folks are divorced) really enjoyed riding my horse. I told him that was wrong of him and not his place to make that decision without consulting me. And it had better not happen again. He doesn't understand the harm in it. And maybe there is no harm done, but it is disrespectful. I would have never told my Dad that he couldn't use something of mine without consulting with me. Especially if it was while he was at my house doing me a favor.
Guess I just grew up in another time.
That makes sense. It also sounds quite different from your previous post. |
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You get what you give
Posts: 13030
Location: Texas | ccarpe18 - 2015-10-29 1:29 PM
hoofs_in_motion - 2015-10-29 11:21 AM people really are taking this a bit far. I'm young but still understand a little something called COMMUNICATION.
Not be immature and think about leaving him because he pulled a stupid act. Did he cheat on you? Did the girls get injured? Did your horse get injured? From what I read NO.
Ignoring him for a day or so will not solve your issues.
I'm not really going to leave him over this.
But I have tried to communicate with him about this sort of thing before. I constantly talk about how I hate when random people show up at the barn, & just go & play with my mini pigs & in this instance go & mess around with my horses.
He literally does NOT want to hear it... I tried to communicate calmy & he just continues with "this conversation is over" & that's all he has to say.
I'm 24, hes 25.
So here's a question..
Do y'all live together? Are all of your animals where you live? If they are there, and it's his place too.. it's hard to tell him not to bring people over.
Likewise, when y'all do get married, if you aren't living together now, you will be once you get married. What happens then when he wants company over and all your animals are at your shared place? |
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Serious Snap Trapper
Posts: 4275
Location: In The Snow, AZ | TXBO - 2015-10-29 11:31 AM ~BINGO~ - 2015-10-29 1:24 PM TXBO - 2015-10-29 10:49 AM ~BINGO~ - 2015-10-29 12:44 PM I'd be ****ed. My dad did the same thing to me. He was feeding the horses while hubby and I were out of town. I didn't get a picture. But he said his wife's kids(my folks are divorced) really enjoyed riding my horse. I told him that was wrong of him and not his place to make that decision without consulting me. And it had better not happen again. He doesn't understand the harm in it. And maybe there is no harm done, but it is disrespectful. I would have never told my Dad that he couldn't use something of mine without consulting with me. Especially if it was while he was at my house doing me a favor.
Guess I just grew up in another time.
How so? Because I said I'd be pis$ed? Because I said it "better not happen again"? Things can be said without being rude. But I will make sure my point is taken seriously. |
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 Reaching for the stars....
Posts: 12704
| I would definitely have a discussion with many points:
Legal responsibility/liability - even tho most states have passed equine liability laws to favor the horse owner, it does not stop lawsuits from being filed and having to respond to them, which can be nearly as expensive as, say, a broken leg or two. Point out to him that if you are not there to supervise the use/riding of your horse then has assumed that responsibility if anything untoward should happen.
Respect for your property - no matter if animated or not, your property is yours and not his to share as he sees fit. One layer deeper is that this is animate property known to have the capability of great harm and damage to humans (see above).
And also - Your horse can also be hurt if mishandled, creating bills that you would have to pay to heal the horse. Another part your dude needs to know he's accepting responsibility for if he disrespects you by using your horse without your supervision.
My hubb will let people pet my horses over a fence if I'm not there and that's it. He has seen the damage a horse can do to both people and property and knows how fast a horse can go from asleep to raging horse monster. I never have even had to talk to him about this. We own a horse that is so bomb proof that I will let anyone willing to hop on him. He rides to a riders ability - including just standing still if the rider can't tell him to move or turn. Even with that horse he wouldn't have someone ride without me there to supervise. Even the Boy could accidentally trip or fall, or some outrageously out-of-the-blue thing could happen to finally rattle him.
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 Elite Veteran
Posts: 933
Location: north dakota | hoofs_in_motion - 2015-10-29 12:53 PM
Hold on.........I think some people need to stop and reconsider telling the OP to look for a different fiancee.
While it was wrong of him to allow it....doesn't mean she needs to leave him for it!!! I would just sit down and have a talk with him and let him know in a respectable manner how you feel about it.
I think him calling her a psycho and telling her she was over dramatic is a red flag. He should have consulted her and should have apologized. |
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| It sounds as if he is very immature, (and not respectful of you) and really the more you say the worse the whole relationship thing sounds. I'm not saying dump him but I hope you give him some time to do some growing up before you totally hook your wagon to him.
Good luck. |
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 Own It and Move On
Location: The edge of no where | How horse savy is he?
The fact that this has happened before, and he ignored your wishes......BIG RED FLAG! No way would I tolerate that kind of lack of respect. It points to so many other issues, he would be gone.
If you do decide to marry him, just remember that everything will be both of yours....not 'mine' & 'his'. Do you live together? |
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Extreme Veteran
Posts: 425
Location: California | Yes, we live together. We live on his family's property & that's where my horses are as well. I guess I just grew up with the "don't touch anything" type of thing. I just don't get how they think because I have the animals there, that they are a free for all. After I went off my fiancé told me he will completely ignore my horses 100%, they do not exist anymore to him. I guess that's how it has to be then since he can't just agree to the simply no one rides them. |
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Undercover Amish Mafia Member
Posts: 9991
Location: Kansas | ndcowgirl - 2015-10-29 1:39 PM hoofs_in_motion - 2015-10-29 12:53 PM Hold on.........I think some people need to stop and reconsider telling the OP to look for a different fiancee.
While it was wrong of him to allow it....doesn't mean she needs to leave him for it!!! I would just sit down and have a talk with him and let him know in a respectable manner how you feel about it.
I think him calling her a psycho and telling her she was over dramatic is a red flag. He should have consulted her and should have apologized.
We don't. We are getting one side coming from her. I think they both need to grow up and learn a bit more respect for each other. I don't agree with the fact that he is allowing people to ride her horses, but I wouldn't cause a huge scene over it with my SO. But i'm a completely different person
Edited by hoofs_in_motion 2015-10-29 1:56 PM
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 Elite Veteran
Posts: 1037
| ccarpe18 - 2015-10-29 1:53 PM
Yes, we live together. We live on his family's property & that's where my horses are as well. I guess I just grew up with the "don't touch anything" type of thing. I just don't get how they think because I have the animals there, that they are a free for all. After I went off my fiancé told me he will completely ignore my horses 100%, they do not exist anymore to him. I guess that's how it has to be then since he can't just agree to the simply no one rides them.
Your going to have alot more problems down the road now if he says he is going to "ignore" an aspect of your life that seems VERY important to you. I would dig deeper into your issues as a couple. Sounds like theres alot more going on. Lots of red flags in your posts. |
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You get what you give
Posts: 13030
Location: Texas | ccarpe18 - 2015-10-29 1:53 PM
Yes, we live together. We live on his family's property & that's where my horses are as well. I guess I just grew up with the "don't touch anything" type of thing. I just don't get how they think because I have the animals there, that they are a free for all. After I went off my fiancé told me he will completely ignore my horses 100%, they do not exist anymore to him. I guess that's how it has to be then since he can't just agree to the simply no one rides them.
do you pay for board to keep them there? |
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The Resident Destroyer of Liberal Logic
Location: PNW | After reading all the posts... It sounds like two teenage girls getting a pony ride is the least of your problems.... |
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 "Hottie"
Posts: 1373
Location: Okemah,OK | You can tell a lot about a person by how they treat animals. If I was dating someone who mistreated my horse, drunk or sober, I'd be GONE! It is a window into the soul and I personally think that's a huge red flag. |
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Hungarian Midget Woman
Location: Midwest | svincent - 2015-10-29 2:13 PM After reading all the posts... It sounds like two teenage girls getting a pony ride is the least of your problems....
yes, I agree |
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 Elite Veteran
Posts: 628
Location: Missouri | Like everyone else has said, there are a couple red flags.
I think if he is ignoring your requests already about something that can, 1. potentially hurt someone if not handle right and 2. Would hurt you emotionally if something ever happened to it, is a HUGE red flag.
The next issue is the whole mis-treating an animal while drunk/any time. That is a huge no no no no HELL no for me! I do NOT take lightly to mistreating of any of my animals drunk or sober. I consider my animals as my children and would never beat or abuse my child.
I think going to a marriage counselor or church leader to talk about your needs and wants would really help. Some times having someone unbiased to hear both of you out helps. Your both SUPER young. I'm 25 and understand how childish I can still be in my relationship. I think if he is not listening to you and you are mis-communicating to him, that is sort of the root to a lot of your issues.
I wouldn't say leave him without at least attempting to work through it, no one is perfect after all, but I do say that is counseling and trying to work through it doesn't work, it may be time to reconsider your choices. Who and what do you love more? Would you give up your animals to be with him at the end of the day? It's a tough choice but I think having someone outside the picture will really help, after all, we are all going to side with you on this since our horses are our world.
Good luck  |
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 I Chore in Chucks
Posts: 2882
Location: MD | What do you like about the guy? |
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  Witty Enough
Posts: 2954
Location: CTX | I would be livid!! Especially after you asked him not to do this, and he does it anyway, and then reacts like it doesn't matter.... ohh, the sh!t would hit the fan so fast his head would spin if my husband ever pulled a stunt like that. Luckily my husband knows and respects my wishes, and if he is not sure he will ask me.
I agree that some of his actions and reactions are red flags, but that is something you will have to work out for yourself.
My major issue would be liability, who would be paying if anything had happened, either to the girls, or your horse... I am pretty sure it would be you...
good luck with working this out.
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 A Somebody to Everybody
Posts: 41354
Location: Under The Big Sky Of Texas | I'm sorry that your guy hurt your feelings, I understand how you feel, if my husband ever EVER gave some teenage girls pony rides I would be highley upset, MY horses and they are off limits to anyone, we had many people wanting to ride my horses and he just tells them nope these are my wife horses and I dont do pony rides. Your boyfriend should have not done this, he should have called you and asked if it was ok. I hope that you can work over this, buttttt he sounds like he will do it again to entertain these girls, do you know why he was with these girls in the first place?  |
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Extreme Veteran
Posts: 490
| Are you engaged to my ex? I can tell you from experience, it doesnt get better. It will get worse. The best thing you can do is take a deep breath and think with your brain. Really evaluate the situation. I walked away from my ex. He started off mentally abusive and it escalated to verbally and eventually physically abusive. Was mean to my dogs, horses, guinea pigs, basically anything smaller then him. Including me. Not saying yours is, but its a huge red flag. And to answer your initial question..... YES I WOULD BE LIVID! My husband knows noone gets on my horses without permission. We dont host pony rides or a petting zoo. These are athletes. |
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 933
Location: north dakota | mlh0972 - 2015-10-29 2:25 PM
Like everyone else has said, there are a couple red flags.
I think if he is ignoring your requests already about something that can, 1. potentially hurt someone if not handle right and 2. Would hurt you emotionally if something ever happened to it, is a HUGE red flag.
The next issue is the whole mis-treating an animal while drunk/any time. That is a huge no no no no HELL no for me! I do NOT take lightly to mistreating of any of my animals drunk or sober. I consider my animals as my children and would never beat or abuse my child.
I think going to a marriage counselor or church leader to talk about your needs and wants would really help. Some times having someone unbiased to hear both of you out helps. Your both SUPER young. I'm 25 and understand how childish I can still be in my relationship. I think if he is not listening to you and you are mis-communicating to him, that is sort of the root to a lot of your issues.
I wouldn't say leave him without at least attempting to work through it, no one is perfect after all, but I do say that is counseling and trying to work through it doesn't work, it may be time to reconsider your choices. Who and what do you love more? Would you give up your animals to be with him at the end of the day? It's a tough choice but I think having someone outside the picture will really help, after all, we are all going to side with you on this since our horses are our world.
Good luck
I agree with this advice. Any problems you have will get was worse with marriage. You guys both should be respectful towards each other and learn a better way to communicate during conflict resolution. |
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Extreme Veteran
Posts: 425
Location: California | The girls were apparently friends of the family (one being his moms God Niece). Apparently his mom also got a pony ride. Thank goodness I didn't see her last night while she would have said "thank you". Of course he told his mom I got mad.
No, I do not pay for board. That was part of the deal when I moved in. His mom knows zero about animals. She likes to have family/friends over & in a sense show off what they have.
Now I had said when my fiance got drunk once he "Man Handled" my horse. This does not necessarily mean he abused him. He just likes to do things in a way in which I do not. I like to view my relationship with horses as a partnership, not like an ownership. His family is old school from Mexico, so they were raised to be more firm with horses.
*Also as an update, we just got done with lunch. We had a very calm conversation about everything. Of course since we were in public we could blow up on each other. I told him sorry I blew up, but to see it from my point of view. He was in the middle of cleaning his pig barns & trying to take care of the farrowing sows, but they "bombarded" him, so he basically did it to please & get rid of them.
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 628
Location: Missouri | ccarpe18 - 2015-10-29 3:04 PM
The girls were apparently friends of the family (one being his moms God Niece). Apparently his mom also got a pony ride. Thank goodness I didn't see her last night while she would have said "thank you". Of course he told his mom I got mad.
No, I do not pay for board. That was part of the deal when I moved in. His mom knows zero about animals. She likes to have family/friends over & in a sense show off what they have.
Now I had said when my fiance got drunk once he "Man Handled" my horse. This does not necessarily mean he abused him. He just likes to do things in a way in which I do not. I like to view my relationship with horses as a partnership, not like an ownership. His family is old school from Mexico, so they were raised to be more firm with horses.
*Also as an update, we just got done with lunch. We had a very calm conversation about everything. Of course since we were in public we could blow up on each other. I told him sorry I blew up, but to see it from my point of view. He was in the middle of cleaning his pig barns & trying to take care of the farrowing sows, but they "bombarded" him, so he basically did it to please & get rid of them.
I would still suggest going to a counselor who can help you all better communicate. It seems to me that his family has a little to much "say". I think that is should be a partnership first and for most. When family gets involved it can be super dangerous. I love my BF's family but at the end of the day the relationship, issues, us, is between two people, him and I. If he caved on this instance and let them ride your horse, who is to say he won't cave in other areas. My bf is a HUGE family guy, me, I have my sister. I love that he loves his family and wants to spend time with them and does things for him, but if they ever caused an issue with us, I would put my foot down. Like I said, a relationship is between two people. |
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Googly Goo
Posts: 7053
| Just Plain Lucky - 2015-10-29 3:07 PM
TXBO - 2015-10-29 2:27 PM
Just Plain Lucky - 2015-10-29 1:21 PM TXBO - 2015-10-29 1:49 PM ~BINGO~ - 2015-10-29 12:44 PM I'd be ****ed. My dad did the same thing to me. He was feeding the horses while hubby and I were out of town. I didn't get a picture. But he said his wife's kids(my folks are divorced) really enjoyed riding my horse. I told him that was wrong of him and not his place to make that decision without consulting me. And it had better not happen again. He doesn't understand the harm in it. And maybe there is no harm done, but it is disrespectful. I would have never told my Dad that he couldn't use something of mine without consulting with me. Especially if it was while he was at my house doing me a favor.
Guess I just grew up in another time.
But nobody got hurt.
There's also a huge difference between warning your Dad that a horse may not be safe for a child and referring to him as "disrespectful". |
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 Expert
Posts: 1857
| I vote Dramatic!! |
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Googly Goo
Posts: 7053
| Just Plain Lucky - 2015-10-29 3:29 PM "But nobody got hurt" Omg...dude. I give up.
That's your best move yet. |
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 915
Location: SE KS | Racer4eva - 2015-10-29 12:43 PM
I would have flipped. My animals are mine. I dont share. I dont mean an occasional pony ride but i do not let anyone ride them without me there. None of them are beginner broke either, but i can occasional do pony rides as long as im standing there. JMO
This!!!!!! Exactly!!!!!! |
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Common Sense and then some
Location: So. California | Do you have a wedding date set? I would take a good hard look at the relationship and ask yourself if that is how you want to be treated as a wife? Sit back and be honest with yourself about what attracts you to the him, what are the key areas of your relationship, what you see as 50/50 (obviously there is always give and take) and what you can and can not live with. Are your goals the same? Children? Family values? 5 years from now? Religous views?
Do yourself a favor and take your time with making a final decision regarding matrimony, you'll be happier in the end.
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A Somebody to Everybody
Posts: 41354
Location: Under The Big Sky Of Texas | You say that his family is old school from Mexico, now that would worry me a bit, so you live with him and his family? I know that men from old school Mexico can be very dominating over women and animals so please be really carefull in this if you are planning to get married.  |
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Serious Snap Trapper
Posts: 4275
Location: In The Snow, AZ | TXBO - 2015-10-29 1:24 PM Just Plain Lucky - 2015-10-29 3:07 PM TXBO - 2015-10-29 2:27 PM Just Plain Lucky - 2015-10-29 1:21 PM TXBO - 2015-10-29 1:49 PM ~BINGO~ - 2015-10-29 12:44 PM I'd be ****ed. My dad did the same thing to me. He was feeding the horses while hubby and I were out of town. I didn't get a picture. But he said his wife's kids(my folks are divorced) really enjoyed riding my horse. I told him that was wrong of him and not his place to make that decision without consulting me. And it had better not happen again. He doesn't understand the harm in it. And maybe there is no harm done, but it is disrespectful. I would have never told my Dad that he couldn't use something of mine without consulting with me. Especially if it was while he was at my house doing me a favor.
Guess I just grew up in another time. But nobody got hurt. There's also a huge difference between warning your Dad that a horse may not be safe for a child and referring to him as "disrespectful".
Oh whaaaa. Big deal. I stand by believing it is disrespectful. I sure as $hit wouldn't go to my dads house and mess with his stuff without his knowledge. Because it's disrespectful. |
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 Hog Tie My Mojo
Posts: 4847
Location: Opelousas, LA | RidenFly - 2015-10-29 12:59 PM I probably would feel creepy about why my man would try and entertain 18 year old girls. Forget the horse, what would happen if something he inadvertantly said or did gave one of them the wrong idea? Who's he trying to impress? I wouldn't end the relationship but holy hell the hammer would fall.
Exactly, unless they are daughters of his boss or best friend from out of town and thier dad was present, that is just inappropriate. Going against your wishes is inconsiderate but if he has a thing for young, underage girls that is a whole new level of wrong. |
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 1182
Location: Do I hear Banjos? | What the heck relation is a God Niece? I know what God parents are...they will raise you if your parents become deceased...so basically the two young ladies are no real relation and just friends of the family. So fair game for the slightly older man to maybe want to impress perhaps.
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 672
| TrailGirl - 2015-10-29 4:40 PM
What the heck relation is a God Niece? I know what God parents are...they will raise you if your parents become deceased...so basically the two young ladies are no real relation and just friends of the family. So fair game for the slightly older man to maybe want to impress perhaps.
Ok, what?! I think everyone is going a little crazy on judging him when NOBODY but the OP knows him - and they are taking what she said when she was still mad at him and making some pretty strong assumptions!
Old school Mexican - ok, maybe horses are more like livestock to them and they see a horse as a horse as a horse - not a finely tuned athlete that us barrel racers do!
God-niece - I know Spanish/Catholics have a very close religious family and this girl could be like a daughter to the MIL.
Not meaning to offend anyone, but remember we are talking about her fiance and you probably wouldn't want anyone (even well meaning) going after YOUR guy like on this post.
I am sure the OP has a lot to think about now, and if it turns out she is in a bad relationship, well I hope she gets the help she needs.
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 1182
Location: Do I hear Banjos? | veintiocho - 2015-10-29 4:49 PM
TrailGirl - 2015-10-29 4:40 PM
What the heck relation is a God Niece? I know what God parents are...they will raise you if your parents become deceased...so basically the two young ladies are no real relation and just friends of the family. So fair game for the slightly older man to maybe want to impress perhaps.
Ok, what?! I think everyone is going a little crazy on judging him when NOBODY but the OP knows him - and they are taking what she said when she was still mad at him and making some pretty strong assumptions!
Old school Mexican - ok, maybe horses are more like livestock to them and they see a horse as a horse as a horse - not a finely tuned athlete that us barrel racers do!
God-niece - I know Spanish/Catholics have a very close religious family and this girl could be like a daughter to the MIL.
Not meaning to offend anyone, but remember we are talking about her fiance and you probably wouldn't want anyone (even well meaning ) going after YOUR guy like on this post.
I am sure the OP has a lot to think about now, and if it turns out she is in a bad relationship, well I hope she gets the help she needs.
I said impress...not molest..lol calm down.
The most disparaging remarks on here really came from the OP. Her words tell us he is rough with her horse when drunk...tells her she is being a psycho...dismisses her when he doesn't want to discuss something...disregards her wishes for the handling of her horses...what did I leave out?
We go with what we are given for info. |
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Googly Goo
Posts: 7053
| ~BINGO~ - 2015-10-29 4:26 PM TXBO - 2015-10-29 1:24 PM Just Plain Lucky - 2015-10-29 3:07 PM TXBO - 2015-10-29 2:27 PM Just Plain Lucky - 2015-10-29 1:21 PM TXBO - 2015-10-29 1:49 PM ~BINGO~ - 2015-10-29 12:44 PM I'd be ****ed. My dad did the same thing to me. He was feeding the horses while hubby and I were out of town. I didn't get a picture. But he said his wife's kids(my folks are divorced) really enjoyed riding my horse. I told him that was wrong of him and not his place to make that decision without consulting me. And it had better not happen again. He doesn't understand the harm in it. And maybe there is no harm done, but it is disrespectful. I would have never told my Dad that he couldn't use something of mine without consulting with me. Especially if it was while he was at my house doing me a favor.
Guess I just grew up in another time. But nobody got hurt. There's also a huge difference between warning your Dad that a horse may not be safe for a child and referring to him as "disrespectful".
Like I said, we come from different times.
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 Swiffer PIcker Upper
Posts: 4015
Location: Four Corners Colorado | ccarpe18 - 2015-10-29 12:23 PM casualdust07 - 2015-10-29 11:14 AM Here's my perspective.. depends on these girls situations. There are some girls that are just horse crazy- we should all be able to relate- but don't have the blessing of getting horses like we do. When I was younger, my first reaction would have been to flip out. But, at this point in time, I welcome people to come out and see my horses, and let them ride with supervision. Yes, even our expensive 1D horses because they are actually three very gentle riding horses as long as we are within range to instruct them. I do understand the anger with having your fiance let someone ride without your permission. But at the same time, if my fiance was as knowledgeable about horses as you say, I would have trusted him in that situation. I would be VERY upset, however, if the girl got on my horse with no permission at all, or if someone at the barn i board at did that. In that instance, I would come unglued. I would hesitate to rip your fiance a new one over this. First off, he's actually out there with your horse, which is more than what some of us can say about our SOs. Second, he probably did it with good intentions. I would discuss it that he should ask first and respect your wishes whatever they may be, but... don't kill any passion he's got to be around your horses and that part of your life. Because, once they no longer give two ----- about what you do with the horses, or start to resent... you're in for real problems. Typically this is my perspective as well. But in every other case, he does not like my horse because she is grade. He only likes registered horses.
This type of scenario is the only time he pays any attention to my horse. Other than randomly throwing them some hay when I am at work in the morning. On the other hand, my other horse... 3 yr old andalusian stud cold (registered), he loves. BUT with this one, he mad handles when he get's drunk. My cold is extremely sensitive & intelligent & is now completely FREAKED out of him. So he's not allowed to mess with this one either. & he's not broke anyway.
Basically he likes to pretend the horses are his if he gets in a show off-y mood.
Um let me say don't walk, RUN the other way from this guy. |
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 Extreme Veteran
Posts: 312
Location: KS | I agree marriage will bring more drama than this. Don't question your relationship just because of this deal. And yes I know it seems like a huge deal (and it is right now) but life/marriage is about so much more and you will go through so much more. You did the right thing by letting him know whats up. Always let them know how you feel.
Yes, Id be ****ed too if people were riding my horses without my permission especially when Im not there. Im assuming your soon to be husband thought there was no harm in it, no big deal, a lot of men are like that. (my husband included) I have an MIL who would try to get my husband to take random little girls on a pony rides, he knew from the beginning his horse would be used, none of mine. He started to ignore his mothers request after it continued, so she then tried calling me, lets just say she only had to ask me once. :)
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Extreme Veteran
Posts: 597
| You have every right to go absolutely ballistic on this one! My horse is probably the horse to put a beginner on because he's so forgiving, one of my daughters horses is the same way, but her other horse and my sons and husband's horses are machines, they are irreplaceable, they were bought and are used for a purpose, they aren't merry go rounds. Hubby wouldn't because he knows horses (and possibly that wifey is a little cray), but in your situation I'd be PI$$ED no ifs, ands, or buts, about it I would lose my mind!
Edited by wild_west 2015-10-29 5:48 PM
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 Expert
Posts: 1718
Location: Southeast Louisiana | I have asked my husband not to ride or let others ride my horses. Now, if he led some family kid around on one of them, I would probably be upset and would tell him something about it. Now, if he called first and said something like, "hey, this kid really loves horses and can she just sit on one while I lead them around just this once?" I would have probably said sure, no problem. (Followed by some instructions, of course.)
What would really tick me off is if he just blew it off (before or after) and told me I was being dramatic or psycho after doing something he should have known I wouldn't like or not talking to me before messing with my horse.
I don't care what thing of mine it is, how small or insignificant you think it is... it is common courtesy to ask first. And, I think that is the bigger issue here. He is being disrespectful to you. You're not psycho, you're pi$$ed off.
It's like when someone ruins other people's stuff then says "it's just a (fill in the blank) I don't see the big deal." I hate that! YOU don't get to decide how important anything should be to someone else. Respect other people's stuff or they will get mad. And calling them psycho to make it seem like you have done nothing wrong just makes it worse. |
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I Really Love Jeans
Posts: 3173
Location: North Dakota | As long as your horse was not in danger consider it a great lesson for your horse. The more horses are exposed to different situations the better they become! I think your boyfriend was just picking on you, that's the way men are! I have learned to not take things so serious in life, but that's what being 40 feels like Lol! |
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 Regular
Posts: 54
| ccarpe18 - 2015-10-29 1:23 PM
casualdust07 - 2015-10-29 11:14 AM Here's my perspective.. depends on these girls situations. There are some girls that are just horse crazy- we should all be able to relate- but don't have the blessing of getting horses like we do. When I was younger, my first reaction would have been to flip out. But, at this point in time, I welcome people to come out and see my horses, and let them ride with supervision. Yes, even our expensive 1D horses because they are actually three very gentle riding horses as long as we are within range to instruct them. I do understand the anger with having your fiance let someone ride without your permission. But at the same time, if my fiance was as knowledgeable about horses as you say, I would have trusted him in that situation. I would be VERY upset, however, if the girl got on my horse with no permission at all, or if someone at the barn i board at did that. In that instance, I would come unglued. I would hesitate to rip your fiance a new one over this. First off, he's actually out there with your horse, which is more than what some of us can say about our SOs. Second, he probably did it with good intentions. I would discuss it that he should ask first and respect your wishes whatever they may be, but... don't kill any passion he's got to be around your horses and that part of your life. Because, once they no longer give two ----- about what you do with the horses, or start to resent... you're in for real problems.
Typically this is my perspective as well. But in every other case, he does not like my horse because she is grade. He only likes registered horses.
This type of scenario is the only time he pays any attention to my horse. Other than randomly throwing them some hay when I am at work in the morning. On the other hand, my other horse... 3 yr old andalusian stud cold (registered), he loves. BUT with this one, he mad handles when he get's drunk. My cold is extremely sensitive & intelligent & is now completely FREAKED out of him. So he's not allowed to mess with this one either. & he's not broke anyway.
Basically he likes to pretend the horses are his if he gets in a show off-y mood.
Dump him. Won't be long before he's "mad handling" YOU when he's drunk. Because he obviously doesn't give a **** about what you say or want. |
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Regular
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| ccarpe18 - 2015-10-29 1:29 PM
hoofs_in_motion - 2015-10-29 11:21 AM people really are taking this a bit far. I'm young but still understand a little something called COMMUNICATION.
Not be immature and think about leaving him because he pulled a stupid act. Did he cheat on you? Did the girls get injured? Did your horse get injured? From what I read NO.
Ignoring him for a day or so will not solve your issues.
I'm not really going to leave him over this.
But I have tried to communicate with him about this sort of thing before. I constantly talk about how I hate when random people show up at the barn, & just go & play with my mini pigs & in this instance go & mess around with my horses.
He literally does NOT want to hear it... I tried to communicate calmy & he just continues with "this conversation is over" & that's all he has to say.
I'm 24, hes 25.
Get out now. |
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Regular
Posts: 54
| ccarpe18 - 2015-10-29 3:04 PM
The girls were apparently friends of the family (one being his moms God Niece). Apparently his mom also got a pony ride. Thank goodness I didn't see her last night while she would have said "thank you". Of course he told his mom I got mad.
No, I do not pay for board. That was part of the deal when I moved in. His mom knows zero about animals. She likes to have family/friends over & in a sense show off what they have.
Now I had said when my fiance got drunk once he "Man Handled" my horse. This does not necessarily mean he abused him. He just likes to do things in a way in which I do not. I like to view my relationship with horses as a partnership, not like an ownership. His family is old school from Mexico, so they were raised to be more firm with horses.
*Also as an update, we just got done with lunch. We had a very calm conversation about everything. Of course since we were in public we could blow up on each other. I told him sorry I blew up, but to see it from my point of view. He was in the middle of cleaning his pig barns & trying to take care of the farrowing sows, but they "bombarded" him, so he basically did it to please & get rid of them.
Geeze, it just gets worse. If you marry this guy you will be sorry. |
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 Elite Veteran
Posts: 742
| casualdust07 - 2015-10-29 1:14 PM Here's my perspective.. depends on these girls situations. There are some girls that are just horse crazy- we should all be able to relate- but don't have the blessing of getting horses like we do. When I was younger, my first reaction would have been to flip out. But, at this point in time, I welcome people to come out and see my horses, and let them ride with supervision. Yes, even our expensive 1D horses because they are actually three very gentle riding horses as long as we are within range to instruct them. I do understand the anger with having your fiance let someone ride without your permission. But at the same time, if my fiance was as knowledgeable about horses as you say, I would have trusted him in that situation. I would be VERY upset, however, if the girl got on my horse with no permission at all, or if someone at the barn i board at did that. In that instance, I would come unglued. I would hesitate to rip your fiance a new one over this. First off, he's actually out there with your horse, which is more than what some of us can say about our SOs. Second, he probably did it with good intentions. I would discuss it that he should ask first and respect your wishes whatever they may be, but... don't kill any passion he's got to be around your horses and that part of your life. Because, once they no longer give two ----- about what you do with the horses, or start to resent... you're in for real problems.
I think this is a great post.  |
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 Elite Veteran
Posts: 679
Location: KS | I would be hurt if my SO did this. Especially if we already had a talk about it before. That is major disrespect. I don't care if the President came and wanted a ride. No one is getting on MY horse without me there! Whether it is bomb proof or not, it's not happening! The chances of something going wrong are high. That is crossing the line for me. Respect is one of the most important thing in a relationship. If you don't respect me, than move along! |
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 Ms. Poutability
Posts: 2362
Location: In my own world | komet. - 2015-10-29 12:58 PM It sounds to me like your fiance is sucking up to two teenage girls.
That's what I'm trying to figure out? Forget the fact he let them ride your horse. Bigger question:
why hey the hell was two teenage girls at your house with your fiancé??
that says it all right there |
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 Expert
Posts: 1482
Location: on my horse | ccarpe18 - 2015-10-29 12:23 PM
casualdust07 - 2015-10-29 11:14 AM Here's my perspective.. depends on these girls situations. There are some girls that are just horse crazy- we should all be able to relate- but don't have the blessing of getting horses like we do. When I was younger, my first reaction would have been to flip out. But, at this point in time, I welcome people to come out and see my horses, and let them ride with supervision. Yes, even our expensive 1D horses because they are actually three very gentle riding horses as long as we are within range to instruct them. I do understand the anger with having your fiance let someone ride without your permission. But at the same time, if my fiance was as knowledgeable about horses as you say, I would have trusted him in that situation. I would be VERY upset, however, if the girl got on my horse with no permission at all, or if someone at the barn i board at did that. In that instance, I would come unglued. I would hesitate to rip your fiance a new one over this. First off, he's actually out there with your horse, which is more than what some of us can say about our SOs. Second, he probably did it with good intentions. I would discuss it that he should ask first and respect your wishes whatever they may be, but... don't kill any passion he's got to be around your horses and that part of your life. Because, once they no longer give two ----- about what you do with the horses, or start to resent... you're in for real problems.
Typically this is my perspective as well. But in every other case, he does not like my horse because she is grade. He only likes registered horses.
This type of scenario is the only time he pays any attention to my horse. Other than randomly throwing them some hay when I am at work in the morning. On the other hand, my other horse... 3 yr old andalusian stud cold (registered), he loves. BUT with this one, he mad handles when he get's drunk. My cold is extremely sensitive & intelligent & is now completely FREAKED out of him. So he's not allowed to mess with this one either. & he's not broke anyway.
Basically he likes to pretend the horses are his if he gets in a show off-y mood.
Ok this is a major red flag here. Nobody should be getting drunk and handling your horses, showing them off and acting as they are his, or have angrily handled your horses enough time to make one afraid of him. If there is more going on here than you're telling us with him and its along the lines of this type of behavior or this happens a lot I would be at minimum seeking some premarital counseling. Someone who mishandles animals and mishandles animals drunk is not someone I would be very comfortable around personally. That's usually a great indicator of a lack of control or self discipline or as we say with our horses "a hole in his training" where that kind of behavior is ok, and its not. Not to mention that he's ran roughshod over your feelings about your animals on multiple occasions by allowing random people to ride your horses. Regardless of how he feels about them, he should feel and respect YOU enough to treat your animals and your wishes with respect.
I used to date a guy who absolutely hated my dog, she was a pit and not the brightest bulb on the tree, very bull in china shop if you will lol. Anyways he absolutely hated that dog but he took care of her at times when I would get home late and never once treated her with contempt or mishandled her. We broke up later over different reasons but this is an example of how someone should treat your animals and the things that you care about even if they don't. |
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 1131
| Now, I'm not married, engaged, nor even in a relationship at this moment. But I did (well still do) have an abusive step father. I'm not the best one to get advice from since I moved out after bashing him over the head with a lamp and putting a knife to his throat after he nearly killed one of my horses by chasing it around the pasture at 3 am with a ranger trying to let it loose. Poor horse about had a heart attack, and took me over an hour after the incident to calm the herd down enough to even get close to the horse in question (only one was the target because he is an immature a$$hat who needs to go die.... *Deep breaths*), not quite the same scenario, but needless to say, I was beyond livid that night. I did nearly kill him, and I still to this day don't regret my decision, because now he does treat my mother better because he's afraid of me. I would do it again in a heart beat.
The only horse who I would have to worry about someone riding is Archie, and he's just as crazy as I am. Everyone knows that I don't allow people to ride my horses without my permission and my presence (very few exceptions). Archie would take care of them for me though.....he's a rank bucker. haha
I would really consider the warning signs that he's giving you before you tie the knot with him, I know I wish my mother had. |
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Meanest Teacher!!!
Posts: 8552
Location: sunny california | I think you are way to upset. Those kids are family and i think you should do your share and teach them to drive. IN HIS TRUCK |
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 Elite Veteran
Posts: 1118
Location: The South | In college I boarded my horse and the barn manager's husband was an FFA teacher, and he took my horse out of his stall to use him in a horse judging halter class. I was a little peeved that no one called me to ask first (because I was raised right and I would've asked someone's permission first). But they didn't ride him (that I knew of lol) so it wasn't a big deal to me. But in your situation, aww heck no. You've already asked him not to do that and he did it anyway without asking. That is so disrespectful. Does he think he can do whatever he wants because it's his parents property?
Some big red flags from what I've read. One of my friends from school is married to a guy from a traditional Mexican family. It sounds like they have a difficult marriage because he thinks he is right no matter what, the woman should be seen and not heard, and they have young children and he doesn't believe in any sort of punishment for them when they misbehave. I don't know if that's how they are all raised there or not, just be careful. |
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Extreme Veteran
Posts: 312
Location: KS | kwanatha - 2015-10-29 8:05 PM
I think you are way to upset. Those kids are family and i think you should do your share and teach them to drive. IN HIS TRUCK
Nice. |
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 Hugs to You
Posts: 7550
Location: In The Land of Cotton | If I am a repeat - sorry - but has no one mentioned that a 25 year old man was drunk with two teenagers? And, handling a horse? That to me is a red flag........................................
Sorry, life is to short to be with someone like that - but, that is my opinion. |
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Undercover Amish Mafia Member
Posts: 9991
Location: Kansas | This whole thread is....
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A Somebody to Everybody
Posts: 41354
Location: Under The Big Sky Of Texas | hoofs_in_motion - 2015-10-30 9:50 AM This whole thread is....
LOL,,, |
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 Lady Di
Posts: 21556
Location: Oklahoma | MS2011 - 2015-10-29 1:46 PM
How horse savy is he?
The fact that this has happened before, and he ignored your wishes......BIG RED FLAG! No way would I tolerate that kind of lack of respect. It points to so many other issues, he would be gone.
If you do decide to marry him, just remember that everything will be both of yours....not 'mine' & 'his'. Do you live together?
I have been happily married 26 years and we both still have our "mine" and "his". I would never let kids come over and take my husband's fishing boat out or drive his side-by-side w/o letting him know and asking him first. Neither would he let someone ride my horses. Not only is the liability HUGE these days, it's is simply disrespectful. How would he like it if you just came and got his truck while he was working and took two high school boys on a joyride for the afternoon?? How would he feel then? I see lots and lots of red flags here. He thinks your horses aren't worth anything, which makes me think he doesn't really think much of you, either, or he would love what you love and he would respect your wishes. I think there may be lots of underlying issues here that need to be worked out before you say "I do". No marriage is easy, but it's pretty much impossible if you're living with someone who doesn't care about your wishes. JMO |
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Lady Di
Posts: 21556
Location: Oklahoma | kwanatha - 2015-10-29 8:05 PM
I think you are way to upset. Those kids are family and i think you should do your share and teach them to drive. IN HIS TRUCK
You and I think a lot alike, kwanatha!!
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A Somebody to Everybody
Posts: 41354
Location: Under The Big Sky Of Texas | kwanatha - 2015-10-29 8:05 PM I think you are way to upset. Those kids are family and i think you should do your share and teach them to drive. IN HIS TRUCK
Like this too. ^^  |
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Extreme Veteran
Posts: 425
Location: California | 3canstorun - 2015-10-30 7:46 AM
If I am a repeat - sorry - but has no one mentioned that a 25 year old man was drunk with two teenagers? And, handling a horse? That to me is a red flag........................................
Sorry, life is to short to be with someone like that - but, that is my opinion.
He wasn't drunk with the two girls. The one drunk episode was a different time with a different horse. He knows not to touch that horse now & he now understands no one gets to ride the other. |
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Extreme Veteran
Posts: 425
Location: California | livinonlove&horses - 2015-10-29 4:57 PM komet. - 2015-10-29 12:58 PM It sounds to me like your fiance is sucking up to two teenage girls. That's what I'm trying to figure out? Forget the fact he let them ride your horse. Bigger question:
why hey the hell was two teenage girls at your house with your fiancé??
that says it all right there
The girls are apparently his mom's best friends daughter & her friend. He says his moms "God Niece" whatever exactly that is. His mom & the one girls mom were also there.
It's not the girls I was really having a fit about. It was the fact he completely disregarded my wishes of no pony rides on my horse. He didn't ask, didn't even tell me when I asked what he did in the day. So it was more or less me being mad at if he would have even told me or not. |
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Expert
Posts: 2685
| kwanatha - 2015-10-29 8:05 PM
I think you are way to upset. Those kids are family and i think you should do your share and teach them to drive. IN HIS TRUCK
EXACTLY MY FIRST THOUGHT LOL |
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Duct Tape Bikini Girl
Posts: 2554
| Dump him. |
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 Regular
Posts: 55
Location: Middle TN | Since all other concerns have been addressed, I skimmed so I didn't notice if this was mentioned: I would have a talk with him about which tack belongs to which horse also.. That in itself would have angered me to see my horse being handled or ridden with tack that it may not have ever seen before.. Just another safety hazard and regardless as to if he is ever going to touch the horse again with out your permission it would be good for him to know the proper equipment to use if the instance you ask him, need him to, or give him permission to use the horse. |
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Expert
Posts: 1561
| WOMEN-B-CRAZY!! |
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 Expert
Posts: 1525
| Id no longer be engaged...but I once dumped a guy for making me late for a rodeo soooooooo you might not want to take my advice haha  |
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Extreme Veteran
Posts: 425
Location: California | lookyheremac - 2015-10-30 11:07 AM Since all other concerns have been addressed, I skimmed so I didn't notice if this was mentioned: I would have a talk with him about which tack belongs to which horse also.. That in itself would have angered me to see my horse being handled or ridden with tack that it may not have ever seen before.. Just another safety hazard and regardless as to if he is ever going to touch the horse again with out your permission it would be good for him to know the proper equipment to use if the instance you ask him, need him to, or give him permission to use the horse.
I only have two saddles, one english & one western. He doesn't know the first thing about english so he would automatically go for the western saddle. (horse works in both). As for bridles & what not, I don't have a ton of options so fortunately any decision there would be good.
When he ponied the girls, he made the lead rope into a halter & the girls got on bareback. He did not even take my horse out of her paddock. They just rode around in the stall. I almost hated this fact more. I feel like a stall is the horses space not an area they should have to be bombared and "worked" in. Not like it totally matters but still. If he didn't feel the need to take her out, he already knew it was wrong.
His mom & her friend were there. I know the moms friend. She's a loud mouth, annoying lady. Knowing my fiance, he was trying to just hurry up & get rid of them. Not sure how my horse got brought up or anything.
Also to add to other posts.... I guess the last time I didn't make myself clear when I said I didn't want people on my horse... The time I told him that, his friend was leading the horse in the pen & his friend doesnt know a thing about horses. So I guess he figured since it was him in charge, that it was okay. |
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 Owner of a ratting catting machine
Posts: 2258
| Well. I'm not going to say what hasn't been said already. I think you need to get out of the relationship. Here's why:
If this person already knew to not let people on your horse, and did it anyway, he has no respect for you.
My husband doesn't even take mine out of a stall, untie, move, or even feed mine without checking with me first. Know why? Because they are mine. Know what? We never even discussed it. Not once. He just respects what is mine and how IMPORTANT they are to me. He knows they are everything to me and he doesn't want to see me upset for one second. He treats them well and spoils them rotten whenever he gets a chance. He enjoys riding with me, and has 'his' saddle, and when we ride, he enjoys riding my good mare. He gets to ride her wherever he wants, whenever he wants. Know why? Because he is very, very respectful of me AND her.
Know what? This person disrespecting you is only going to get worse. If he'll actively go against your wishes with your horse, and be a dick when you're trying to have 'work it out' talks, it won't be long until he's doing everything you can't handle. Getting in the middle of other women, being gone, you name it. He's obviously going to do whatever he wants, without a thought to how you might feel about it.
Life is too short to be a doormat for a dickhead. |
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Expert
Posts: 3815
Location: The best kept secret in TX | MOTIVATED - 2015-10-30 1:13 PM Id no longer be engaged...but I once dumped a guy for making me late for a rodeo soooooooo you might not want to take my advice haha
AHAHA!!! Priorities right there!! Ha! |
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 1182
Location: Do I hear Banjos? | ccarpe18 - 2015-10-30 1:21 PM
lookyheremac - 2015-10-30 11:07 AM Since all other concerns have been addressed, I skimmed so I didn't notice if this was mentioned: I would have a talk with him about which tack belongs to which horse also.. That in itself would have angered me to see my horse being handled or ridden with tack that it may not have ever seen before.. Just another safety hazard and regardless as to if he is ever going to touch the horse again with out your permission it would be good for him to know the proper equipment to use if the instance you ask him, need him to, or give him permission to use the horse.
I only have two saddles, one english & one western. He doesn't know the first thing about english so he would automatically go for the western saddle. (horse works in both). As for bridles & what not, I don't have a ton of options so fortunately any decision there would be good.
When he ponied the girls, he made the lead rope into a halter & the girls got on bareback. He did not even take my horse out of her paddock. They just rode around in the stall. I almost hated this fact more. I feel like a stall is the horses space not an area they should have to be bombared and "worked" in. Not like it totally matters but still. If he didn't feel the need to take her out, he already knew it was wrong.
His mom & her friend were there. I know the moms friend. She's a loud mouth, annoying lady. Knowing my fiance, he was trying to just hurry up & get rid of them. Not sure how my horse got brought up or anything.
Also to add to other posts.... I guess the last time I didn't make myself clear when I said I didn't want people on my horse... The time I told him that, his friend was leading the horse in the pen & his friend doesnt know a thing about horses. So I guess he figured since it was him in charge, that it was okay.
Well then...problem solved...he has successfully convinced you that HE was in the right...and you were wrong and overreacted. Despite all you told us along the way.
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 628
Location: Missouri | TrailGirl - 2015-10-30 2:36 PM
ccarpe18 - 2015-10-30 1:21 PM
lookyheremac - 2015-10-30 11:07 AM Since all other concerns have been addressed, I skimmed so I didn't notice if this was mentioned: I would have a talk with him about which tack belongs to which horse also.. That in itself would have angered me to see my horse being handled or ridden with tack that it may not have ever seen before.. Just another safety hazard and regardless as to if he is ever going to touch the horse again with out your permission it would be good for him to know the proper equipment to use if the instance you ask him, need him to, or give him permission to use the horse.
I only have two saddles, one english & one western. He doesn't know the first thing about english so he would automatically go for the western saddle. (horse works in both). As for bridles & what not, I don't have a ton of options so fortunately any decision there would be good.
When he ponied the girls, he made the lead rope into a halter & the girls got on bareback. He did not even take my horse out of her paddock. They just rode around in the stall. I almost hated this fact more. I feel like a stall is the horses space not an area they should have to be bombared and "worked" in. Not like it totally matters but still. If he didn't feel the need to take her out, he already knew it was wrong.
His mom & her friend were there. I know the moms friend. She's a loud mouth, annoying lady. Knowing my fiance, he was trying to just hurry up & get rid of them. Not sure how my horse got brought up or anything.
Also to add to other posts.... I guess the last time I didn't make myself clear when I said I didn't want people on my horse... The time I told him that, his friend was leading the horse in the pen & his friend doesnt know a thing about horses. So I guess he figured since it was him in charge, that it was okay.
Well then...problem solved...he has successfully convinced you that HE was in the right...and you were wrong and overreacted. Despite all you told us along the way.
^^^ I was thinking the same. The OP tone has changed a lot so it makes you wonder what all has been said and why she is questioning why she blew up in the first place. Smooth talking men  |
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Expert
Posts: 1525
| This is not nice, but it is funny. If you felt like you were in the right...and somehow he has convinced you that you were in the wrong....you might be engaged to a........
Edited by MOTIVATED 2015-10-30 3:29 PM
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 933
Location: north dakota | That's true.. The only thing more fun to deal with is a narcissist that is also a sociopath. |
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 Elite Veteran
Posts: 623
Location: /ARKANSAS | I would have flipped out!! At one barrelrace the announcer told us to check our horses and move our trailers to one side, the carnival was coming in and needed the space. I walked out to move my horse, a policeman was holding the reins!! Without a pause or thought I ripped the reins out of his hands and said "don't ever touch MY HORSE. And that is exactly how I feel. |
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Extreme Veteran
Posts: 425
Location: California | mlh0972 - 2015-10-30 12:45 PM TrailGirl - 2015-10-30 2:36 PM ccarpe18 - 2015-10-30 1:21 PM lookyheremac - 2015-10-30 11:07 AM Since all other concerns have been addressed, I skimmed so I didn't notice if this was mentioned: I would have a talk with him about which tack belongs to which horse also.. That in itself would have angered me to see my horse being handled or ridden with tack that it may not have ever seen before.. Just another safety hazard and regardless as to if he is ever going to touch the horse again with out your permission it would be good for him to know the proper equipment to use if the instance you ask him, need him to, or give him permission to use the horse. I only have two saddles, one english & one western. He doesn't know the first thing about english so he would automatically go for the western saddle. (horse works in both). As for bridles & what not, I don't have a ton of options so fortunately any decision there would be good.
When he ponied the girls, he made the lead rope into a halter & the girls got on bareback. He did not even take my horse out of her paddock. They just rode around in the stall. I almost hated this fact more. I feel like a stall is the horses space not an area they should have to be bombared and "worked" in. Not like it totally matters but still. If he didn't feel the need to take her out, he already knew it was wrong.
His mom & her friend were there. I know the moms friend. She's a loud mouth, annoying lady. Knowing my fiance, he was trying to just hurry up & get rid of them. Not sure how my horse got brought up or anything.
Also to add to other posts.... I guess the last time I didn't make myself clear when I said I didn't want people on my horse... The time I told him that, his friend was leading the horse in the pen & his friend doesnt know a thing about horses. So I guess he figured since it was him in charge, that it was okay. Well then...problem solved...he has successfully convinced you that HE was in the right...and you were wrong and overreacted. Despite all you told us along the way. ^^^ I was thinking the same. The OP tone has changed a lot so it makes you wonder what all has been said and why she is questioning why she blew up in the first place. Smooth talking men
I never said I was wrong or over reacted. Nor did I question why I over reacted. But I understood his point of view better. He still knows **** well that I was mad & had every right to be. What is done is done, & there's not a whole lot I can do now. He has said he will not go near my horse or anything like that without asking first & if anything happens WITHOUT him asking now, then yes we will have a serious problem. I'm not going to dump him over this one particular situation as many people have suggested I do. Yes this whole situation got completely out of hand, he had no right to use my horse for his family friends to have a joy ride on. But it is only one situation, not our whole relationship. Of course we are going to have our ups & downs, & not everything is perfect.
But in other words, NOW I have made myself perfectly clear, because apparently I did not the last time. (When I say apparently, I don't mean because he "smooth" talked me, I mean because he obviously didn't listen). So after this blow up, if it happens again I know HE KNOWS **** well that it is NOT ALLOWED. |
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Good Grief!
Posts: 6343
Location: Cap'n Joan Rotgut.....alberta | SOLID PLAN....SOLID.......M |
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Regular
Posts: 54
| ccarpe18 - 2015-10-30 4:00 PM
mlh0972 - 2015-10-30 12:45 PM TrailGirl - 2015-10-30 2:36 PM ccarpe18 - 2015-10-30 1:21 PM lookyheremac - 2015-10-30 11:07 AM Since all other concerns have been addressed, I skimmed so I didn't notice if this was mentioned: I would have a talk with him about which tack belongs to which horse also.. That in itself would have angered me to see my horse being handled or ridden with tack that it may not have ever seen before.. Just another safety hazard and regardless as to if he is ever going to touch the horse again with out your permission it would be good for him to know the proper equipment to use if the instance you ask him, need him to, or give him permission to use the horse. I only have two saddles, one english & one western. He doesn't know the first thing about english so he would automatically go for the western saddle. (horse works in both). As for bridles & what not, I don't have a ton of options so fortunately any decision there would be good.
When he ponied the girls, he made the lead rope into a halter & the girls got on bareback. He did not even take my horse out of her paddock. They just rode around in the stall. I almost hated this fact more. I feel like a stall is the horses space not an area they should have to be bombared and "worked" in. Not like it totally matters but still. If he didn't feel the need to take her out, he already knew it was wrong.
His mom & her friend were there. I know the moms friend. She's a loud mouth, annoying lady. Knowing my fiance, he was trying to just hurry up & get rid of them. Not sure how my horse got brought up or anything.
Also to add to other posts.... I guess the last time I didn't make myself clear when I said I didn't want people on my horse... The time I told him that, his friend was leading the horse in the pen & his friend doesnt know a thing about horses. So I guess he figured since it was him in charge, that it was okay. Well then...problem solved...he has successfully convinced you that HE was in the right...and you were wrong and overreacted. Despite all you told us along the way. ^^^ I was thinking the same. The OP tone has changed a lot so it makes you wonder what all has been said and why she is questioning why she blew up in the first place. Smooth talking men
But in other words, NOW I have made myself perfectly clear, because apparently I did not the last time. (When I say apparently, I don't mean because he "smooth" talked me, I mean because he obviously didn't listen). So after this blow up, if it happens again I know HE KNOWS **** well that it is NOT ALLOWED.
Go ahead. Marry the guy. No skin off my nose. But I GUARANTEE you that it won't be long before you are kicking yourself and wishing you had listened to people that have been there. How does your family feel about this guy? |
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Expert
Posts: 1561
| Some of y'all calling the guy a narcissist is more than a little ironic... |
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Expert
Posts: 4121
Location: SE Louisiana | YES... It would make me mad..... He's been TOLD!!
YES... You are being Drama----tic....
Check back with us in 20 years.... |
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Location: East of the Pecos | komet. - 2015-10-31 2:59 AM YES... It would make me mad..... He's been TOLD!! YES... You are being Drama----tic.... Check back with us in 20 years....
I predict we'll hear more bad about him within 2 yrs. Denial is not just a river in Egypt. |
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 Elite Veteran
Posts: 600
Location: Oklahoma & Texas | I would flip my sh*t if I saw someone riding my horses without my permission... boundaries are important in any relationship...time to set some! I'd start with the girls at the barn too cause I would bet money they realize that's not cool...they took advantage of the situation with him there and not you...but Mr fiance needs to know too...if he's done this before and you were upset and now he did it again....I'd say he needs to respect you more than that. |
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 Ms. Marine
Posts: 4627
Location: Texas | Would've been irate... |
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 To the Left
Posts: 1865
Location: Florida | I am not sure which would have made me madder, him using my horse or him trying to impress teenage girls. Either way he sounds like you will never have a drama free relationship. |
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 Fact Checker
Posts: 16572
Location: Displaced Iowegian | Bug Is Alive - 2015-10-31 12:22 PM komet. - 2015-10-31 2:59 AM YES... It would make me mad..... He's been TOLD!! YES... You are being Drama----tic.... Check back with us in 20 years.... I predict we'll hear more bad about him within 2 yrs. Denial is not just a river in Egypt.
If that long.......probably sooner! |
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Member
Posts: 15
| This poor boy needs to run far and fast from this potential disastrous marriage........ |
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Red Bull Agressive
Posts: 5981
Location: North Dakota | ccarpe18 - 2015-10-29 1:23 PM casualdust07 - 2015-10-29 11:14 AM Here's my perspective.. depends on these girls situations. There are some girls that are just horse crazy- we should all be able to relate- but don't have the blessing of getting horses like we do. When I was younger, my first reaction would have been to flip out. But, at this point in time, I welcome people to come out and see my horses, and let them ride with supervision. Yes, even our expensive 1D horses because they are actually three very gentle riding horses as long as we are within range to instruct them. I do understand the anger with having your fiance let someone ride without your permission. But at the same time, if my fiance was as knowledgeable about horses as you say, I would have trusted him in that situation. I would be VERY upset, however, if the girl got on my horse with no permission at all, or if someone at the barn i board at did that. In that instance, I would come unglued. I would hesitate to rip your fiance a new one over this. First off, he's actually out there with your horse, which is more than what some of us can say about our SOs. Second, he probably did it with good intentions. I would discuss it that he should ask first and respect your wishes whatever they may be, but... don't kill any passion he's got to be around your horses and that part of your life. Because, once they no longer give two ----- about what you do with the horses, or start to resent... you're in for real problems. Typically this is my perspective as well. But in every other case, he does not like my horse because she is grade. He only likes registered horses.
This type of scenario is the only time he pays any attention to my horse. Other than randomly throwing them some hay when I am at work in the morning. On the other hand, my other horse... 3 yr old andalusian stud cold (registered), he loves. BUT with this one, he mad handles when he get's drunk. My cold is extremely sensitive & intelligent & is now completely FREAKED out of him. So he's not allowed to mess with this one either. & he's not broke anyway.
Basically he likes to pretend the horses are his if he gets in a show off-y mood.
Edited by cavyrunsbarrels 2015-11-02 2:10 PM
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"Hottie"
Posts: 1373
Location: Okemah,OK | To be short and sweet...... Your fiancé is a child. A grown, mature, confident, well adjusted man does not act this way (abusing animals, ignoring your wishes, turning his mistakes into your fault, etc). I can't say whether he will ever grow up (some don't) but for now, he is nowhere near being man enough to get married. If you choose to stay with him, PLEASE wait for him to grow up before you get married. |
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 Regular
Posts: 58
Location: Pa | I understand that from the outside looking in our opinions are hard to understand ... Later in life if he starts being abusive to you when he's drunk of sober you're going to wish you payed more attention to the " red flags " .. Believe me I know how hard it is. But try and think of all the immature crapy things he has done, if you were not the person in the relationship and it was one of your friends what honest advice would you give her? That will make you look at it from another angle |
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 Extreme Veteran
Posts: 434
Location: Northwest Florida | OP -- Read This.
Take it from a 25 year old with two divorces under her belt. There are about 3478934 red flags that you are either choosing to ignore, or you are optimistically blind to because you want to believe you have found the right man to marry. I'm not saying you haven't, but if all that you have said is true, he isn't ready for marriage. Nor are you, if you don't have enough self worth to demand better treatment for yourself.
I'll start with the original post, and say that in short, what he did was put the interest of these two teenage girls in front of yours, his soon to be wife. That's not going to change. He may not use your horses anymore, but in time you will see that you still fall in the same slot on his list of priorities.
He says from now on your horses don't exist to him. What kind of immature, two-year old temper tantrum answer is that? "I can't lead high school girls around on them while you're away? FINE I won't touch them at all ever again!" Lol. Really? He needs to be an adult and treat them with respect and respect your wishes. Is that too much to ask?
He gets drunk and manhandles him? And you justify that by saying "it's not abuse, it's just in a way I don't like"... Does that make it ok? Should he not treat YOUR horse in the way YOU wish for him to be treated?
I mean he doesn't HIT him, so that means it's not ABUSE right? that's what I used to say about myself, until it escalated and there was no denying it anymore. Don't let it get that far.
More importantly, don't put future children in that position one day.
If your horse is scared of him then you should be too. They are much better judges of character than we are. Animals have no optimistic bias. They see the truth in people when we may try to deny it ourselves.
You are probably thinking I'm some crazy person that's taking this way too far, but having been were I've been it's impossible for me to stay quiet when I read or hear about situations like this. I hope I didn't offend, and please feel free to PM me. |
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Fact Checker
Posts: 16572
Location: Displaced Iowegian | BigStarBound - 2015-11-03 9:18 AM OP -- Read This. Take it from a 25 year old with two divorces under her belt. There are about 3478934 red flags that you are either choosing to ignore, or you are optimistically blind to because you want to believe you have found the right man to marry. I'm not saying you haven't, but if all that you have said is true, he isn't ready for marriage. Nor are you, if you don't have enough self worth to demand better treatment for yourself. I'll start with the original post, and say that in short, what he did was put the interest of these two teenage girls in front of yours, his soon to be wife. That's not going to change. He may not use your horses anymore, but in time you will see that you still fall in the same slot on his list of priorities. He says from now on your horses don't exist to him. What kind of immature, two-year old temper tantrum answer is that? "I can't lead high school girls around on them while you're away? FINE I won't touch them at all ever again!" Lol. Really? He needs to be an adult and treat them with respect and respect your wishes. Is that too much to ask? He gets drunk and manhandles him? And you justify that by saying "it's not abuse, it's just in a way I don't like"... Does that make it ok? Should he not treat YOUR horse in the way YOU wish for him to be treated? I mean he doesn't HIT him, so that means it's not ABUSE right? that's what I used to say about myself, until it escalated and there was no denying it anymore. Don't let it get that far. More importantly, don't put future children in that position one day. If your horse is scared of him then you should be too. They are much better judges of character than we are. Animals have no optimistic bias. They see the truth in people when we may try to deny it ourselves. You are probably thinking I'm some crazy person that's taking this way too far, but having been were I've been it's impossible for me to stay quiet when I read or hear about situations like this. I hope I didn't offend, and please feel free to PM me.
Boy.....did you ever hit the nail on the head....people should listen to their horses and dogs. They are great judges of "character"! |
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 933
Location: north dakota | BigStarBound - 2015-11-03 9:18 AM
OP -- Read This.
Take it from a 25 year old with two divorces under her belt. There are about 3478934 red flags that you are either choosing to ignore, or you are optimistically blind to because you want to believe you have found the right man to marry. I'm not saying you haven't, but if all that you have said is true, he isn't ready for marriage. Nor are you, if you don't have enough self worth to demand better treatment for yourself.
I'll start with the original post, and say that in short, what he did was put the interest of these two teenage girls in front of yours, his soon to be wife. That's not going to change. He may not use your horses anymore, but in time you will see that you still fall in the same slot on his list of priorities.
He says from now on your horses don't exist to him. What kind of immature, two-year old temper tantrum answer is that? "I can't lead high school girls around on them while you're away? FINE I won't touch them at all ever again!" Lol. Really? He needs to be an adult and treat them with respect and respect your wishes. Is that too much to ask?
He gets drunk and manhandles him? And you justify that by saying "it's not abuse, it's just in a way I don't like"... Does that make it ok? Should he not treat YOUR horse in the way YOU wish for him to be treated?
I mean he doesn't HIT him, so that means it's not ABUSE right? that's what I used to say about myself, until it escalated and there was no denying it anymore. Don't let it get that far.
More importantly, don't put future children in that position one day.
If your horse is scared of him then you should be too. They are much better judges of character than we are. Animals have no optimistic bias. They see the truth in people when we may try to deny it ourselves.
You are probably thinking I'm some crazy person that's taking this way too far, but having been were I've been it's impossible for me to stay quiet when I read or hear about situations like this. I hope I didn't offend, and please feel free to PM me.
I don't think anyone has mentioned it but if he doesn't respect you and your animals what kind of Dad do you think he will be? |
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A Somebody to Everybody
Posts: 41354
Location: Under The Big Sky Of Texas |
I went back to reread the OP's post and she say's that they live on his familys property sorry that I jumped the gun here, but I wonder do they all live together? If so maybe they belive in what is yours is mind too if all the OP's animals are there. Since they are old school Mexico this could be how they see it.
Edited by Southtxponygirl 2015-11-03 10:03 AM
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Extreme Veteran
Posts: 434
Location: Northwest Florida | That's what I was trying to touch on by suggesting she not put kids in that situation.
I was in a position once where I was trying to hold my dog in my lap, thinking he can't do anything to me while I'm holding my dog. Boy was I wrong.
I'm not yet a parent, but I know the pain of watching your animal get abused while you sit there helpless, and knowing you are the one to blame for putting them in that situation to begin with. I can't imagine it being your own child.
Again, I don't mean to come across as overreacting, but I know a red flag when I see one. (or many). |
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Expert
Posts: 3815
Location: The best kept secret in TX | BigStarBound - 2015-11-03 9:18 AM OP -- Read This. Take it from a 25 year old with two divorces under her belt. There are about 3478934 red flags that you are either choosing to ignore, or you are optimistically blind to because you want to believe you have found the right man to marry. I'm not saying you haven't, but if all that you have said is true, he isn't ready for marriage. Nor are you, if you don't have enough self worth to demand better treatment for yourself. I'll start with the original post, and say that in short, what he did was put the interest of these two teenage girls in front of yours, his soon to be wife. That's not going to change. He may not use your horses anymore, but in time you will see that you still fall in the same slot on his list of priorities. He says from now on your horses don't exist to him. What kind of immature, two-year old temper tantrum answer is that? "I can't lead high school girls around on them while you're away? FINE I won't touch them at all ever again!" Lol. Really? He needs to be an adult and treat them with respect and respect your wishes. Is that too much to ask? He gets drunk and manhandles him? And you justify that by saying "it's not abuse, it's just in a way I don't like"... Does that make it ok? Should he not treat YOUR horse in the way YOU wish for him to be treated? I mean he doesn't HIT him, so that means it's not ABUSE right? that's what I used to say about myself, until it escalated and there was no denying it anymore. Don't let it get that far. More importantly, don't put future children in that position one day. If your horse is scared of him then you should be too. They are much better judges of character than we are. Animals have no optimistic bias. They see the truth in people when we may try to deny it ourselves. You are probably thinking I'm some crazy person that's taking this way too far, but having been were I've been it's impossible for me to stay quiet when I read or hear about situations like this. I hope I didn't offend, and please feel free to PM me. Coming from an extremely abusive relationship 6 years ago I have to agree with all of this.
Might I add we aren't here to be mean, tell you that you're wrong, or bash you for your actions or your words. We've simply been there and don't want you to go there either.
Call us crazy, but you've thrown a good handful of red flags out there.
Don't make the mistake we did. Don't make excuses. There are plenty of fish in the sea who would give anything to have a great girl and to treat her right. Run now. Far and fast. Protect your future children, protect your animals and protect yourself. You're second place to all other things in his life. You're worth more than that....
Edited by IRunOnFaith 2015-11-03 11:21 AM
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Expert
Posts: 3815
Location: The best kept secret in TX | BigStarBound - 2015-11-03 9:47 AM That's what I was trying to touch on by suggesting she not put kids in that situation. I was in a position once where I was trying to hold my dog in my lap, thinking he can't do anything to me while I'm holding my dog. Boy was I wrong. I'm not yet a parent, but I know the pain of watching your animal get abused while you sit there helpless, and knowing you are the one to blame for putting them in that situation to begin with. I can't imagine it being your own child. Again, I don't mean to come across as overreacting, but I know a red flag when I see one. (or many).
I can relate... It's a nauseating feeling... I thought this once as well. Boy was I wrong... They take it out on the dog first, then you come next. It's terrible. 
6 years laster and I'm glad I have me a teddy bear now.... The same dog even comes to him tail wagging wanting scaratches... I knew he was a genuine person when she came to him tail wagging the frist time she met him. |
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 Extreme Veteran
Posts: 443
Location: Southern IL somewhere between KY and MO | First of all WTH is your man doing with a couple of teenage girls that would **** me off more then the horseriding but that is the icing on the cake, believe me. If he can't respect you on either level it is time to move him on out. |
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Regular
Posts: 58
Location: Pa | IRunOnFaith - 2015-11-03 10:46 AM
BigStarBound - 2015-11-03 9:18 AM OP -- Read This. Take it from a 25 year old with two divorces under her belt. There are about 3478934 red flags that you are either choosing to ignore, or you are optimistically blind to because you want to believe you have found the right man to marry. I'm not saying you haven't, but if all that you have said is true, he isn't ready for marriage. Nor are you, if you don't have enough self worth to demand better treatment for yourself. I'll start with the original post, and say that in short, what he did was put the interest of these two teenage girls in front of yours, his soon to be wife. That's not going to change. He may not use your horses anymore, but in time you will see that you still fall in the same slot on his list of priorities. He says from now on your horses don't exist to him. What kind of immature, two-year old temper tantrum answer is that? "I can't lead high school girls around on them while you're away? FINE I won't touch them at all ever again!" Lol. Really? He needs to be an adult and treat them with respect and respect your wishes. Is that too much to ask? He gets drunk and manhandles him? And you justify that by saying "it's not abuse, it's just in a way I don't like"... Does that make it ok? Should he not treat YOUR horse in the way YOU wish for him to be treated? I mean he doesn't HIT him, so that means it's not ABUSE right? that's what I used to say about myself, until it escalated and there was no denying it anymore. Don't let it get that far. More importantly, don't put future children in that position one day. If your horse is scared of him then you should be too. They are much better judges of character than we are. Animals have no optimistic bias. They see the truth in people when we may try to deny it ourselves. You are probably thinking I'm some crazy person that's taking this way too far, but having been were I've been it's impossible for me to stay quiet when I read or hear about situations like this. I hope I didn't offend, and please feel free to PM me. Coming from an extremely abusive relationship 6 years ago I have to agree with all of this.
Might I add we aren't here to be mean, tell you that you're wrong, or bash you for your actions or your words. We've simply been there and don't want you to go there either.
Call us crazy, but you've thrown a good handful of red flags out there.
Don't make the mistake we did. Don't make excuses. There are plenty of fish in the sea who would give anything to have a great girl and to treat her right. Run now. Far and fast. Protect your future children, protect your animals and protect yourself. You're second place to all other things in his life. You're worth more than that....
This this this.. Take it from us who have been in the situation and wish we had people telling us to run |
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