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 Tried and True
Posts: 21185
   
Location: Where I am happiest | I am posting for a friend. She isnt a member here but can read the board. I told her she can get alot of perspective here from everyone far removed from her personal life. My husband drives truck as does hers so I can certainly relate but I may be to close to the circumstances to offer unbiased advice and opinions. You know the old saying "To close to the forest to see the tree's", so here goes.
Her husband drives truck for a large trucking company. He has been with this company for over 10 years. He is gone on the road 5 days a week and home 2. They have a new hire, been there about 2 months. It is a woman. He met her at a truck stop in another state and started talking because they drive for the same company. Turns out, she has the same day out a week as he does, and the same time out each morning. They also go to the same state first run of the week. So they leave the gate pretty much the same time and end up driving tailing each other all the way through 3 states. They also end up spending the night when they are out of drive time at the same truck stop each week that first night out and tailing each other back. They have become close friends and talk on the phone numerous times a day, every day amounting to hours spent on the phone each day and meals together at least on that first run of the week. She has noticed a marked attitude change in him lately. She is having a very hard time with this "friendship" with this other woman. It has become a point of disention between her and her husband. Many fights, and many tears on her part and much frustration on his part. She has told him numerous times he needs to tone it down and not be talking to her so much and spending so much time with her. He says he likes her and enjoys her company and thinks she's funny. Tells her she will just have to "get over it" he's not going to stop talking to her and he's not going to be rude to a co-worker. He tries to make out his wife is crazy for having a problem with this and it is her problem, not his. So, what say you all? Is she wound up for nothing or is this "friendship" crossing the line? ** edited** to add, she ?also wants advice on how to handle this situation. What would you do?
Edited by ThreeCorners 2015-12-22 6:54 AM
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 I Chore in Chucks
Posts: 2882
 
Location: MD | Who's more important... wife or co-worker?
Follow your gut. Also, when something I don't like or am uncomfortable with is happening the response would be something to the effect of, "I'm sorry, I didn't realize, I love you." not, "It's your problem, get over it." He's responding with a defense mechanism.
there's my two pennies. |
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 Witty Enough
Posts: 2954
Location: CTX | I would most definitely have a problem with this. I understand getting close to co-workers, but this sounds like it is a lot more. I mean, having the occasional meal together when you are at the same rest stop is one thing, but talking on the phone for hours on end is a totally different thing.
I agree with her, the husband needs to tone it down. Yes, there has to be trust in a relationship, but since his attitude is changing I would be suspicious too. And with trust there also needs to be respect. If she asked him to tone it down and he doesn't do want too, that is hurtful and not a good sign.
If it was happening to me I would sit my husband down and explain to him that I am very uncomfortable with what is happening and aks him to talk to his dispatcher to request another route. I'd rather him being rude to a co-worker then to me. It is still just a co-worker, (or I hope it is....) and the wife should trump that at all times.
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| This is a perfect example of how affairs start. They don't start with a hot night of passionate s*x.
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 Accident Prone
Posts: 22277
Location: 100 miles from Nowhere, AR | I agree with above. When she expressed concern about the friendship, the response should have been "I'm sorry, I didn't realize, I love you." Then put her first and backed the hell off. If I were her, I would try to get him into couples counseling. He needs some perspective and it sounds like he won't get it from talking with his wife because he's too busy defending to her having his nose up another woman's butt. |
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 "Hottie"
Posts: 1373
Location: Okemah,OK | She's got a problem! Different lifetime ago but I had a high school boyfriend react almost the same way when he got close to his friend's girlfriend. Long story short, they're married with two kids now. You don't defend another woman rather than your girlfriend or wife without reason. She's got a problem (or two)! |
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Meanest Teacher!!!
Posts: 8552
Location: sunny california | I am sorry to say your freind has a problem. I basically have no respect for that other woman, she is also crossing the line. I would not put up with that crap at all. btw I have been married 30 yrs |
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Tried and True
Posts: 21185
Location: Where I am happiest | She has been voicing her concernes and gets met with yelling and defenciveness and complete shut down and telling her she's pushing him away and if she keeps it up the marriage wont survive. He then tells her he's not doing anything wrong, she needs to trust him and he loves her and is not going anywhere. What would you guys do? How would you handle this? |
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 Midget Lover
Location: Kentucky | ThreeCorners - 2015-12-22 9:10 AM
She has been voicing her concernes and gets met with yelling and defenciveness and complete shut down and telling her she's pushing him away and if she keeps it up the marriage wont survive. He then tells her he's not doing anything wrong, she needs to trust him and he loves her and is not going anywhere. What would you guys do? How would you handle this?
Give him an ultimatum. It's either his wife or his co-worker. |
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| I handled it wrong, because I am divorced over it, LOL!
It is very hard for the old to compete with fresh, new, and exciting. |
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 Hugs to You
Posts: 7550
Location: In The Land of Cotton | Having driven over the road, having owned trucks, managing drivers too, she has a problem. She needs to talk to him again, and get him away from her. I handled mine the wrong way when I got off the truck - we drove as a team. He assured me they were just friends, etc., etc. He kept on cheating.
It is an affair waiting to happen.
Edited by 3canstorun 2015-12-22 8:23 AM
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 The Worst Seller Ever
Posts: 4138
Location: Oklahoma | I am in the same situation, met with the same line of bull crap. I have no advice, just sympathy. The popular culture today see this type of behavior as acceptable. If she really wants to make a statement, then she needs to do it. Don't look for evidence to try to justify her actions. I preach this to myself, but I am not ready to make that final foot-on-the-floor statement. There is always a way for him to change, he has to do it and he has to see it himself. His wife, friends, family preaching at him for being a moron will only make him want the friendship more. Men are stubborn and bull headed, much more so than women. LOL
Has she talked to other woman? Maybe the woman doesn't know it is causing an issue, maybe she does. If she does then that is an even bigger issue. |
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 Expert
Posts: 1304
| I agree with the other and him saying "she's pushing him away" and her getting yelled at shows he's totally on the defense when he should be understanding. Because he wouldn't like if his wife got that close to another man would he? No. I also feel that if someone has something to hide, some people will try to throw it on you and make it your fault. Not sure how they sleep at night. Either he's legitimately blind to why she feels the way she does and needs a third party to show him (counseling) or he has something to hide and she should definitely tell him exactly how she feels with no interruptions from him and lay it out on the line what she wants and what needs to change. If he's not receptive to any of that and is defending that woman more than her, there's problems and I can only pray for her  |
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Meanest Teacher!!!
Posts: 8552
Location: sunny california | ThreeCorners - 2015-12-22 6:10 AM She has been voicing her concernes and gets met with yelling and defenciveness and complete shut down and telling her she's pushing him away and if she keeps it up the marriage wont survive. He then tells her he's not doing anything wrong, she needs to trust him and he loves her and is not going anywhere. What would you guys do? How would you handle this?
honestly the more he wants to fight over it the more guilty he looks. He may not have crossed any lines yet but he is addicted to her company and that is just the beginning. I am sure that inside his head he is fighting a loosing battle and is feeling the guilt. Easiest way to get over the guilt is to blame someone else. the fact that he even mentioned that the marriage could be in trouble is all i would need to know.
She has limited options right now. see a counselor that he respects. basically he needs to hear from an outsider that he is in the wrong and is behaving very inappropriately and treating his wife with total disrespect. Another thing might be to talk to the gal and see in a very nice way to see if she would back off. honestly that lady needs to hear from someone that she is behaving inappropriately.
He should not be best freinds with this gal his wife should be his bestg friend. he should be talking for hours on the phone to her!
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 Undercover Amish Mafia Member
Posts: 9991
Location: Kansas | In my eyes.....if he loves his wife and values his marriage....he needs to cut off communication with the other woman.
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 Desert Diva
Posts: 4946
Location: The birthplace of Honest Abe | If he is already threatening the marriage than in my opinion he is already out the door. Unless that thought is already in your mind you dont threaten with the marriage. That should be his last thought not one of his first.
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 Serious Snap Trapper
Posts: 4275
Location: In The Snow, AZ | If he isnt cheating yet... He will be soon.
At the very least, he is emotionally cheating on his wife just by engaging with the other woman on such a frequent basis. I couldn't deal with it. Either she goes, or I go. Done. |
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 A Somebody to Everybody
Posts: 41354
Location: Under The Big Sky Of Texas | Oh how sad for the wife, poor thing. She has all the right to be hurt, his attitude really brings up red flags. So I wonder is this other truck driver {women} is she married?
I agree with all the above posts something is going to happen are already has if hes acting like this. If he loved his wife he would have asked to be put on another route. Red flag here.. |
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Midget Lover
Location: Kentucky | I wonder if the "other" woman even knows he is married? |
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Tried and True
Posts: 21185
Location: Where I am happiest | Yes, she ( the "friend") knows he's married and she is married as well. Although, how many times has that not stopped someone? So you guys would call t?his other woman? Even though you know darn well she would call and tell the husband of her rather interesting conversation with the little wifey and it would surely p*ss him off. |
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Witty Enough
Posts: 2954
Location: CTX | You know, I was starting to ask is the other woman knew the guy is married, and also if she was married. But in the end it doesn't matter one way of the other..... The husband should be the one doing the right thing here, and that is back off from his co-worker.... Just MHO.
ETA: I would not call the other woman. It'll only add more drama to an already difficult situation.
Edited by cranky B4 10am 2015-12-22 9:21 AM
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Chi Chi Mama
Posts: 11211
Location: Spokompton, Wa | I say your friend pull up phone records and get her number and give her a call without husband knowing. The women's reaction will tell her a lot. She'll be able to hear guilt or surprise in her voice one way or another. Like others have said, she may not even know he is married and will back off on her own. Or if she doesn't, then there you go.
for your friend. |
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 Owner of a ratting catting machine
Posts: 2258
| Well. One of my good friends is a man. Another friend of mine is also male. When I got serious with my now husband, I ended a lot of my friendships with other men. The random texts, emails, phone calls that you get as a single gal, blah blah blah.
Anyway, my two friends are someone that my husband and I have talked a lot about. We came to an agreement that due to the fact that I was friends with these two men years before I ever knew my husband, that I'm not going to cut them out of my life. However, there's nothing opaque about our friendship. When I talk to either of them, I tell my husband. If I've been texting them, I leave all our messages up for my husband to see. He's got access to my Facebook, my email. If he ever feels unsettled, he knows that he can check into it however he needs to. They both live in far away states and are in happy relationships of their own.
However, I don't spend a lot of time with them. I don't spend hours and hours on the phone daily. I'm not spending my nights on the road with them.
I do, by necessity, spend a lot of time with other peoples husbands. I work in the pipeline industry, and sometimes spend days in someones company. Breakfast and lunch are often shared. Friendships are formed, we are friendly with each other.
BUT, you know what? We don't spend hours on the phone. We don't text. We don't see each other after working hours. We don't do or say anything that would upset our spouses. We are not in daily communication unless the job demands it.
Coming from my side, there is nothing more frustrating than getting a random call from someones wife because he found my number in my phone and is trying to figure it out. You know why it's frustrating? Because I walk a big line to avoid all the things that this trucker is doing to his wife.
I guess what I'm trying to do is make a marked contrast to what comprises a friendship of a decade, and what comprises a working friendship between two different genders.
What you got, honey, if you read this, is a problem. I've seen this behavior over and over again in husbands that I work with. Your marriage is in trouble, and it's time to stop asking him to change it. He's not going to change it on his own. Many pipeliner wives throw in the towel and go on the road with their husband. If that's not possible, then it's time to put your foot down. There's lots of truck driving jobs in this world. That company has different shifts. There's no excuse to be in contact with a co worker daily and spend hours on the phone. There's no excuse for making you feel like you're the bad guy in this situation. Your husband is way, way, way over the line.
I think that if it were me, and they're such good 'friends', that I would be demanding a sit down with both of them together in a neutral place, and bite the bullet. Call some light onto the situation. If she's not after your man, she'll be shocked and upset. She'll have honor and reassure you, and then change her own schedule and go away. If she's after your man, she'll get mad and continue on like nothing happened, and keep on with the long phone calls, daily contact, etc.
If it keeps on, then ultimatums must be met and adhered to.
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 672
| cranky B4 10am - 2015-12-22 9:11 AM
You know, I was starting to ask that, and also if she was married. But in the end it doesn't matter one way of the other..... The husband should be the one doing the right thing here, and that is back off from his co-worker.... Just MHO.
I agree.
I think she should give him a chance to fix it himself. I would ask him to move to another route - if he is serious about his wife and saving his marriage he will. If he makes excuses as to why he can't.. well then, hit the road, Jack. |
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10D Crack Champion
| Has she considered surprising him on his trip somewhere along those 3 states?
Maybe time to invite the woman and her husband out to dinner or something. Change everything by saying Ok I realize you are just friends. How about we get together with her and her husband.... invite them to dinner. If she isn't accusing him of being a cheater and crossing the line, she may get a different response.... If he feels like he is doing something wrong, he won't likely want them all to get together. His reaction to her being calm, accepting, and wanting to befriend this woman and her husband will tell all. |
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A Somebody to Everybody
Posts: 41354
Location: Under The Big Sky Of Texas | He really needs to work on a different route, like I said if he really loves his wife he would not be putting her threw all this missery and her questioning if hes into this other women. This poor wife I really fell sorry for her, shes going to always have all these bad thoughts in her head the min he leaves to go to work. Please send her my hugs. I also wonder does this other women's husband knows how this married man carry's on with his wife? It could be all nothing, but theres always buts and wondering.
Go out and have supper with the Truck driver and her husband and see how it gos from there. Tell hubby that you would like to meet this husband and wife. |
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A Somebody to Everybody
Posts: 41354
Location: Under The Big Sky Of Texas | sodapop - 2015-12-22 9:22 AM Has she considered surprising him on his trip somewhere along those 3 states?
Maybe time to invite the woman and her husband out to dinner or something. Change everything by saying Ok I realize you are just friends. How about we get together with her and her husband.... invite them to dinner. If she isn't accusing him of being a cheater and crossing the line, she may get a different response.... If he feels like he is doing something wrong, he won't likely want them all to get together. His reaction to her being calm, accepting, and wanting to befriend this woman and her husband will tell all.
Yept I like the ideal of asking this truck driver and her husband out for supper. You should beable to read between the lines right there. |
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 Toastest with the Mostest
Posts: 5712
Location: That part of Texas | sodapop - 2015-12-22 9:22 AM Has she considered surprising him on his trip somewhere along those 3 states?
Maybe time to invite the woman and her husband out to dinner or something. Change everything by saying Ok I realize you are just friends. How about we get together with her and her husband.... invite them to dinner. If she isn't accusing him of being a cheater and crossing the line, she may get a different response.... If he feels like he is doing something wrong, he won't likely want them all to get together. His reaction to her being calm, accepting, and wanting to befriend this woman and her husband will tell all.
I agree on inviting her and the husband.
I phone call to her isn't going to get you anywhere but in another fight because you "don't trust him" and then you give them something to giggle about together, mutual bonding over your "insecurities" that are so nagging.
If you must call, call the husband. I wonder if he is seeing changes in her and is asking the same questions himself. If not, at least he won't be blindsided by things.
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 A Barrel Of Monkeys
Posts: 12972
Location: Texas | I'd almost be tempted to have a talk with the dispatcher to have her route changed. 
When working with members of the opposite sex, people need to have a very strong boundary. Certain lines cannot be crossed. Dinner is OK, not too much conversation, etc. No phone calls just to chat.
This guy is being flattered by the new coworker and he can't stop. It's intoxicating.
Not sure what your friend should do. Maybe she should be so wonderful, he wants to come home and be with her. It's game playing but what the heck - take control of the situation.
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 Elite Veteran
Posts: 1182
Location: Do I hear Banjos? | I can guarantee that HE wouldn't be very happy if SHE was spending that much time and having long phone conversations...overnight trips with a male coworker.
The fact that he is trying to turn this around onto her is very telling.
I like the suggestion of getting together for dinner with the 4 of them. She should say that if this "friend" has become such an important part of his life...she should maybe get to be friends with her and her husband too. |
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 1182
Location: Do I hear Banjos? | Also...I know it's sad...but if I were her...I'd be looking at ways to prepare for the worst. Money set aside...plans made. Just in case. |
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 Expert
Posts: 1718
Location: Southeast Louisiana | If he is saying she is pushing him away, she definitely needs to take that to heart. As far as what to do, I don't believe there is enough information here to say that for sure. When you post something like that online, you're going to get a lot of replies from people who have been burned and it's hard to get good relationship advice online anyway. She needs to be talking to a marriage counselor who can potentially get the story from both sides. |
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 Money Eating Baggage Owner
Posts: 9586
Location: Phoenix | Crowned Image - 2015-12-22 5:28 AM
Who's more important... wife or co-worker?
Follow your gut. Also, when something I don't like or am uncomfortable with is happening the response would be something to the effect of, "I'm sorry, I didn't realize, I love you." not, "It's your problem, get over it." He's responding with a defense mechanism.
there's my two pennies.
Ditto. Similar situation happened to my parents. They are now separated. He didn't think anything was wrong.
He wrong, she's right. He needs to look at the big picture. |
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Troll Buster
Posts: 6045
| Oh heck no thats not ok! Hugs and prayers for ypur friend |
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 How freakish is that?
Posts: 3927
Location: Oregon | Fun2Run - 2015-12-22 8:46 AM I'd almost be tempted to have a talk with the dispatcher to have her route changed.
So is calling the other woman's husband.
I'd be getting my own bank account and funneling money into it. And maybe taking a road trip with binoculars and a zoom lens. Take a friend. A little booze. No weapons.
Edited by crapshooter 2015-12-23 12:17 AM
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A Barrel Of Monkeys
Posts: 12972
Location: Texas | crapshooter - 2015-12-23 12:14 AM Fun2Run - 2015-12-22 8:46 AM I'd almost be tempted to have a talk with the dispatcher to have her route changed.
So is calling the other woman's husband.
I'd be getting my own bank account and funneling money into it. And maybe taking a road trip with binoculars and a zoom lens. Take a friend. A little booze. No weapons.
True! That's why I said "almost". That's the kind of deal that gets people fired!
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Tried and True
Posts: 21185
Location: Where I am happiest | He tried telling his wife she had nothing to worry about and that the "friend" was "Older". The wife pushed for a dinner get together. Husband at first thought good idea and then refused. A few weeks went by and then the 2 drivers were stuck for 2 days at a truck stop due to weather, the wife again pushed for a dinner meeting because the "friend" was sitting right there also. So they had dinner at a local restaurant last weekend. She was feeling very positive about the dinner get together and was just certain she was going to meet a "older" plain jane granny type. Ummm, no. In walks a cute little blond definatelly younger!!!!! Far from the older granny type he tried to paint her as. Wife said she deserved a medal for sitting there shining it all on and acting like everything was a-ok. They ( husband as friend) spent the whole time talking about how much they know each other,how much they have in common, how much she detests church and christians, and she even likes to bake and brought him cookies the week prior!!!! When the wife got her dinner and her baked potatoe was VERY undercooked, the trucker "friend" popped off with "Most people like it hard." Who on earth turns a undercooked baked potatoe into a raunchy sexual joke remark? No, the dinner didnt help the wife at all and when she made any kind of unfavorable account of this dinner to the husband after they left, he defended this friend and belittled the wife for not thinking she's as wonderfull and funny as the husband does. |
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 The BHW Book Worm
Posts: 1768
| Heck no.....he is crossing the line..I would say her worry is just. |
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Owner of a ratting catting machine
Posts: 2258
| ThreeCorners - 2015-12-23 7:13 AM
He tried telling his wife she had nothing to worry about and that the "friend" was "Older". The wife pushed for a dinner get together. Husband at first thought good idea and then refused. A few weeks went by and then the 2 drivers were stuck for 2 days at a truck stop due to weather, the wife again pushed for a dinner meeting because the "friend" was sitting right there also. So they had dinner at a local restaurant last weekend. She was feeling very positive about the dinner get together and was just certain she was going to meet a "older" plain jane granny type. Ummm, no. In walks a cute little blond definatelly younger!!!!! Far from the older granny type he tried to paint her as. Wife said she deserved a medal for sitting there shining it all on and acting like everything was a-ok. They ( husband as friend) spent the whole time talking about how much they know each other,how much they have in common, how much she detests church and christians, and she even likes to bake and brought him cookies the week prior!!!! When the wife got her dinner and her baked potatoe was VERY undercooked, the trucker "friend" popped off with "Most people like it hard." Who on earth turns a undercooked baked potatoe into a raunchy sexual joke remark? No, the dinner didnt help the wife at all and when she made any kind of unfavorable account of this dinner to the husband after they left, he defended this friend and belittled the wife for not thinking she's as wonderfull and funny as the husband does.
Yes, but at any time, did she put her fork down, make eye contact, and say, "So are you two having sex with each other, or are you planning to?" and see what happened next?
I'm very direct, though I was raised with good manners. I would be very seriously wanting to know, so that I could react properly.
It would probably go like this:
"So tell me something, so that I can make the proper response and possibly appointments.", then, having hopefully gained their full attention, I would drop the above sex question to them. Then I would go from there. Then honestly, and without much weight on the answer, I'd help him move his stuff to a hotel room. Emotional affairs are so much worse than just physical ones. By helping I mean he gets home, the locks have changed, and his stuff is in plastic tubs on the porch. Depending on his personality, so might the Sheriff.
It might just be a case of a man being twitterpated and wishing he had a shot at someone completely different, but you know what? That's simply unacceptable. The second my husband prefers another females company to mine, that's when he's free to rock out. Oh and provide half of everything he and we own. And alimony.
As far as her coarse behavior, well, she's a truck driver. Having dinner with another truck driver. I don't know if anyone here spends any time listening to CBs as they roll down our nations interstates, but it can sure get bad tasting quick.
The sad thing with men and women alike, is that the only things, good and bad, that continue are the ones you allow. |
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Witty Enough
Posts: 2954
Location: CTX | ThreeCorners - 2015-12-23 7:13 AM He tried telling his wife she had nothing to worry about and that the "friend" was "Older". The wife pushed for a dinner get together. Husband at first thought good idea and then refused. A few weeks went by and then the 2 drivers were stuck for 2 days at a truck stop due to weather, the wife again pushed for a dinner meeting because the "friend" was sitting right there also. So they had dinner at a local restaurant last weekend. She was feeling very positive about the dinner get together and was just certain she was going to meet a "older" plain jane granny type. Ummm, no. In walks a cute little blond definatelly younger!!!!! Far from the older granny type he tried to paint her as. Wife said she deserved a medal for sitting there shining it all on and acting like everything was a-ok. They ( husband as friend) spent the whole time talking about how much they know each other,how much they have in common, how much she detests church and christians, and she even likes to bake and brought him cookies the week prior!!!! When the wife got her dinner and her baked potatoe was VERY undercooked, the trucker "friend" popped off with "Most people like it hard." Who on earth turns a undercooked baked potatoe into a raunchy sexual joke remark? No, the dinner didnt help the wife at all and when she made any kind of unfavorable account of this dinner to the husband after they left, he defended this friend and belittled the wife for not thinking she's as wonderfull and funny as the husband does. Oh heck no, his ship has sailed. He blatantly lied about her, which is its own is a huge red flag, and then he defends the other woman..... nope, he is done and gone.
And I agree with classicpotatochip, I would pack his stuff and have it waiting for him outside, new locks and if needed the sheriff....
edited because I can't spell.
Edited by cranky B4 10am 2015-12-23 8:00 AM
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 Shelter Dog Lover
Posts: 10277
| cranky B4 10am - 2015-12-23 7:55 AM ThreeCorners - 2015-12-23 7:13 AM He tried telling his wife she had nothing to worry about and that the "friend" was "Older". The wife pushed for a dinner get together. Husband at first thought good idea and then refused. A few weeks went by and then the 2 drivers were stuck for 2 days at a truck stop due to weather, the wife again pushed for a dinner meeting because the "friend" was sitting right there also. So they had dinner at a local restaurant last weekend. She was feeling very positive about the dinner get together and was just certain she was going to meet a "older" plain jane granny type. Ummm, no. In walks a cute little blond definatelly younger!!!!! Far from the older granny type he tried to paint her as. Wife said she deserved a medal for sitting there shining it all on and acting like everything was a-ok. They ( husband as friend) spent the whole time talking about how much they know each other,how much they have in common, how much she detests church and christians, and she even likes to bake and brought him cookies the week prior!!!! When the wife got her dinner and her baked potatoe was VERY undercooked, the trucker "friend" popped off with "Most people like it hard." Who on earth turns a undercooked baked potatoe into a raunchy sexual joke remark? No, the dinner didnt help the wife at all and when she made any kind of unfavorable account of this dinner to the husband after they left, he defended this friend and belittled the wife for not thinking she's as wonderfull and funny as the husband does. Oh heck no, his ship has sailed. He blatantly lied about her, which is its own is a huge red flag, and then he defends the other woman..... nope, he is done and gone.
And I agree with classicpotatochip, I would pack his stuff and have it waiting for him outside, new locks and if needed the sheriff....
edited because I can't spell.
Ditto |
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 Warmblood with Wings
Posts: 27846
Location: Florida.. | Normally I always give benefit of doubt because I know men and women can be friends.. but the coworker was being disrespectful to YOU when she was saying lil sexual inuendos at dinner and that to me says she doesnt want nor care how you feel towards her and that is trouble..when there is no respect then its not fixable.... when your not around it may be worse which your husband is clouded right now.. he needs to remove hisself from the situation .. out of respect for you and your marriage..If he chooses to ignore your request or ignore the situation then hes in to deep.. emotionally... and carelessly.. its his fault as much as the coworkers .. they are carrying on and having fun.. Id let him know that this fling will only be fun for awhile then he will be alone.. you will not be there waiting so either fix the situation or get out..its disrespectful to you.. I never advocate divorce or leaving but respect is gone.. bad bad bad...
Edited by Bibliafarm 2015-12-23 8:20 AM
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 Extreme Veteran
Posts: 336
Location: Missouri | classicpotatochip - 2015-12-23 7:47 AM
ThreeCorners - 2015-12-23 7:13 AM
He tried telling his wife she had nothing to worry about and that the "friend" was "Older". The wife pushed for a dinner get together. Husband at first thought good idea and then refused. A few weeks went by and then the 2 drivers were stuck for 2 days at a truck stop due to weather, the wife again pushed for a dinner meeting because the "friend" was sitting right there also. So they had dinner at a local restaurant last weekend. She was feeling very positive about the dinner get together and was just certain she was going to meet a "older" plain jane granny type. Ummm, no. In walks a cute little blond definatelly younger!!!!! Far from the older granny type he tried to paint her as. Wife said she deserved a medal for sitting there shining it all on and acting like everything was a-ok. They ( husband as friend) spent the whole time talking about how much they know each other,how much they have in common, how much she detests church and christians, and she even likes to bake and brought him cookies the week prior!!!! When the wife got her dinner and her baked potatoe was VERY undercooked, the trucker "friend" popped off with "Most people like it hard." Who on earth turns a undercooked baked potatoe into a raunchy sexual joke remark? No, the dinner didnt help the wife at all and when she made any kind of unfavorable account of this dinner to the husband after they left, he defended this friend and belittled the wife for not thinking she's as wonderfull and funny as the husband does.
Yes, but at any time, did she put her fork down, make eye contact, and say, "So are you two having sex with each other, or are you planning to?" and see what happened next?
I'm very direct, though I was raised with good manners. I would be very seriously wanting to know, so that I could react properly.
It would probably go like this:
"So tell me something, so that I can make the proper response and possibly appointments.", then, having hopefully gained their full attention, I would drop the above sex question to them. Then I would go from there. Then honestly, and without much weight on the answer, I'd help him move his stuff to a hotel room. Emotional affairs are so much worse than just physical ones. By helping I mean he gets home, the locks have changed, and his stuff is in plastic tubs on the porch. Depending on his personality, so might the Sheriff.
It might just be a case of a man being twitterpated and wishing he had a shot at someone completely different, but you know what? That's simply unacceptable. The second my husband prefers another females company to mine, that's when he's free to rock out. Oh and provide half of everything he and we own. And alimony.
As far as her coarse behavior, well, she's a truck driver. Having dinner with another truck driver. I don't know if anyone here spends any time listening to CBs as they roll down our nations interstates, but it can sure get bad tasting quick.
The sad thing with men and women alike, is that the only things, good and bad, that continue are the ones you allow.
No advice...sounds like she has a tough choice to make..but wanted to say I LOVE this.. " the only things, good and bad, that continue are the ones you allow". |
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10D Crack Champion
| ThreeCorners - 2015-12-23 7:13 AM
He tried telling his wife she had nothing to worry about and that the "friend" was "Older". The wife pushed for a dinner get together. Husband at first thought good idea and then refused. A few weeks went by and then the 2 drivers were stuck for 2 days at a truck stop due to weather, the wife again pushed for a dinner meeting because the "friend" was sitting right there also. So they had dinner at a local restaurant last weekend. She was feeling very positive about the dinner get together and was just certain she was going to meet a "older" plain jane granny type. Ummm, no. In walks a cute little blond definatelly younger!!!!! Far from the older granny type he tried to paint her as. Wife said she deserved a medal for sitting there shining it all on and acting like everything was a-ok. They ( husband as friend) spent the whole time talking about how much they know each other,how much they have in common, how much she detests church and christians, and she even likes to bake and brought him cookies the week prior!!!! When the wife got her dinner and her baked potatoe was VERY undercooked, the trucker "friend" popped off with "Most people like it hard." Who on earth turns a undercooked baked potatoe into a raunchy sexual joke remark? No, the dinner didnt help the wife at all and when she made any kind of unfavorable account of this dinner to the husband after they left, he defended this friend and belittled the wife for not thinking she's as wonderfull and funny as the husband does.
Actually the dinner did help the wife she just doesn't seem to know it. She needs to analyze the whole thing and decide her next move. Only she knows really what kind of relationship these two have and what needs to be done about it. A bit off topic.....the "hates Christians comment". Does he hate Christians as well? What about your friend, the wife? That seems like odd dinner conversation and an odd thing to have in common. How old are all people involved? Trucker or not the potato joke was weird. I know truckers who know when and where to be appropriate. I can only imagine their conversations if she felt comfortable enough to say that. |
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A Somebody to Everybody
Posts: 41354
Location: Under The Big Sky Of Texas | So where was the female truckers husband during this dinner meeting? |
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 1079
| I must have missed something, the dinner had already happened prior to this thread being created? I thought the dinner was a brand new suggestion by the BB on pg 2. I feel like a lot of information could have been derived from the dinner and included in the original post.
He sounds more and more like a loser who deserves the crude blonde truck driver. |
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Undercover Amish Mafia Member
Posts: 9991
Location: Kansas | ah heck no!!! If I sat down with her at a dinner, and she started in on the sexual innuendos....i would slap the little hussy across her face. NO! |
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 I Am Always Right
Posts: 4264
Location: stray dump capital of the world | Sounds like he wants his cake and eat it too. I'd draw a line in the sand. If he says she's driving him away, it's because he wants no accountability for his actions. He just wants to place the blame on her, so she can be big, bad wife who doesn't understand him. Draw the line and see what he chooses. If it's not her, pack his crap, leave it on the porch and change the locks. Before drawing the line; however, stash some cash. |
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 Elite Veteran
Posts: 929
| ThreeCorners - 2015-12-22 4:48 AM
I am posting for a friend. She isnt a member here but can read the board. I told her she can get alot of perspective here from everyone far removed from her personal life. My husband drives truck as does hers so I can certainly relate but I may be to close to the circumstances to offer unbiased advice and opinions. You know the old saying "To close to the forest to see the tree's", so here goes.
Her husband drives truck for a large trucking company. He has been with this company for over 10 years. He is gone on the road 5 days a week and home 2. They have a new hire, been there about 2 months. It is a woman. He met her at a truck stop in another state and started talking because they drive for the same company. Turns out, she has the same day out a week as he does, and the same time out each morning. They also go to the same state first run of the week. So they leave the gate pretty much the same time and end up driving tailing each other all the way through 3 states. They also end up spending the night when they are out of drive time at the same truck stop each week that first night out and tailing each other back. They have become close friends and talk on the phone numerous times a day, every day amounting to hours spent on the phone each day and meals together at least on that first run of the week. She has noticed a marked attitude change in him lately. She is having a very hard time with this "friendship" with this other woman. It has become a point of disention between her and her husband. Many fights, and many tears on her part and much frustration on his part. She has told him numerous times he needs to tone it down and not be talking to her so much and spending so much time with her. He says he likes her and enjoys her company and thinks she's funny. Tells her she will just have to "get over it" he's not going to stop talking to her and he's not going to be rude to a co-worker. He tries to make out his wife is crazy for having a problem with this and it is her problem, not his. So, what say you all? Is she wound up for nothing or is this "friendship" crossing the line? ** edited** to add, she ?also wants advice on how to handle this situation. What would you do?
ANYbody, male or female that is making me uncomfortable is someone my husband will dump immediately out of respect for me and our marriage. Same goes for me, if my husband doesn't like a girl friend of mine or doesn't like that I spend so much time hanging out with Guy X from work...done. But then again I am not a jealous person and neither is he. I do believe that his friendship with his co-worker should not cut into the time he has with his wife or his family since he can spend "work" time with this person. |
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 Expert
Posts: 3782
Location: Gainesville, TX | Check out Love Must Be Tough. Great book. Deals very directly and practically with issues like this. |
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 Extreme Veteran
Posts: 434
Location: Northwest Florida | ThreeCorners - 2015-12-23 7:13 AM
He tried telling his wife she had nothing to worry about and that the "friend" was "Older". The wife pushed for a dinner get together. Husband at first thought good idea and then refused. A few weeks went by and then the 2 drivers were stuck for 2 days at a truck stop due to weather, the wife again pushed for a dinner meeting because the "friend" was sitting right there also. So they had dinner at a local restaurant last weekend. She was feeling very positive about the dinner get together and was just certain she was going to meet a "older" plain jane granny type. Ummm, no. In walks a cute little blond definatelly younger!!!!! Far from the older granny type he tried to paint her as. Wife said she deserved a medal for sitting there shining it all on and acting like everything was a-ok. They ( husband as friend) spent the whole time talking about how much they know each other,how much they have in common, how much she detests church and christians, and she even likes to bake and brought him cookies the week prior!!!! When the wife got her dinner and her baked potatoe was VERY undercooked, the trucker "friend" popped off with "Most people like it hard." Who on earth turns a undercooked baked potatoe into a raunchy sexual joke remark? No, the dinner didnt help the wife at all and when she made any kind of unfavorable account of this dinner to the husband after they left, he defended this friend and belittled the wife for not thinking she's as wonderfull and funny as the husband does.
YIKES
This is my first time reading this entire thread and my mouth dropped open at this one. The husband's lying and the other woman's lack of common decency. This is OBVIOUSLY an affair in the works if it's not one already.
I feel for the wife. I know it would be hard, but I would absolutely DEMAND he cut contact with her completely or the marriage would be over. (Sounds to me like that's what he wants anyway).
I wouldn't do as others are saying and contact the other woman. Honestly with the way you describe her, I feel that knowing she's causing marital problems may motivate her to cause some more. This is the husband's decision to make. His wife or his new little friend.
In my opinion she's better off without him. |
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 pressure dripper
Posts: 8696
Location: the end of the rainbow | Having been in her shoes I can say if he isn't physically cheating he is most certainly cheating on his wife emotionally. Which is in my opinion just as hurtful. I can't say its worth ending a marriage over - a similar situation happened to make my marriage much stronger in the long run - but it does certainly need to be addressed and dealt with by both parties.I am sorry for your friend, this is a tough time of year for this kind of drama. |
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 Hog Tie My Mojo
Posts: 4847
Location: Opelousas, LA | She need to ask her hubby where he thinks this affair is going, have a nice calm conversation with him on where he sees himself and his "friend" in a year. If he is not having sex with her, he sure wants to and he is at the very least cheating emotionaly. She needs to let him know that she does want him but won't tolerate getting the leftovers, he is either all in or he is free to leave, his choice.
I have seen women like the girlfriend before, they have huge issues to say the least. They thrive on being everything the wife isn't, it pumps her ego to hear it from him and the attention she gives him is like crack to an addict. When he becomes available by leaving his wife for her, the magic will be over. It will be too late for him to salvage his marriage and he will never see it coming.
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 Dancing in my Mind
Posts: 3062
Location: Eastern OH but my heart is in WV | ThreeCorners - 2015-12-23 7:13 AM
He tried telling his wife she had nothing to worry about and that the "friend" was "Older". The wife pushed for a dinner get together. Husband at first thought good idea and then refused. A few weeks went by and then the 2 drivers were stuck for 2 days at a truck stop due to weather, the wife again pushed for a dinner meeting because the "friend" was sitting right there also. So they had dinner at a local restaurant last weekend. She was feeling very positive about the dinner get together and was just certain she was going to meet a "older" plain jane granny type. Ummm, no. In walks a cute little blond definatelly younger!!!!! Far from the older granny type he tried to paint her as. Wife said she deserved a medal for sitting there shining it all on and acting like everything was a-ok. They ( husband as friend) spent the whole time talking about how much they know each other,how much they have in common, how much she detests church and christians, and she even likes to bake and brought him cookies the week prior!!!! When the wife got her dinner and her baked potatoe was VERY undercooked, the trucker "friend" popped off with "Most people like it hard." Who on earth turns a undercooked baked potatoe into a raunchy sexual joke remark? No, the dinner didnt help the wife at all and when she made any kind of unfavorable account of this dinner to the husband after they left, he defended this friend and belittled the wife for not thinking she's as wonderfull and funny as the husband does.
Sounds like it is time to hire the detective, get the proof and take him for everything he is worth. He is already cheating.
I don't say things like that lightly. To often I think people just walk away from their marriages without trying hard enough but I personally, have no tolerance for cheating.
I have a male co-worker that I think the world of. We have a nice friendship BUT there are clear "unspoken" boundaries we both respect. I have met his wife and kids several times, as has he mine. Can't say we have ever met up outside of the office either. So I don't have a problem with him having a female co-worker as a friend but he has went far beyond appropriate boundaries. |
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Rad Dork
Posts: 5218
Location: Oklahoma | BigStarBound - 2015-12-23 10:51 AM ThreeCorners - 2015-12-23 7:13 AM He tried telling his wife she had nothing to worry about and that the "friend" was "Older". The wife pushed for a dinner get together. Husband at first thought good idea and then refused. A few weeks went by and then the 2 drivers were stuck for 2 days at a truck stop due to weather, the wife again pushed for a dinner meeting because the "friend" was sitting right there also. So they had dinner at a local restaurant last weekend. She was feeling very positive about the dinner get together and was just certain she was going to meet a "older" plain jane granny type. Ummm, no. In walks a cute little blond definatelly younger!!!!! Far from the older granny type he tried to paint her as. Wife said she deserved a medal for sitting there shining it all on and acting like everything was a-ok. They ( husband as friend) spent the whole time talking about how much they know each other,how much they have in common, how much she detests church and christians, and she even likes to bake and brought him cookies the week prior!!!! When the wife got her dinner and her baked potatoe was VERY undercooked, the trucker "friend" popped off with "Most people like it hard." Who on earth turns a undercooked baked potatoe into a raunchy sexual joke remark? No, the dinner didnt help the wife at all and when she made any kind of unfavorable account of this dinner to the husband after they left, he defended this friend and belittled the wife for not thinking she's as wonderfull and funny as the husband does. YIKES This is my first time reading this entire thread and my mouth dropped open at this one. The husband's lying and the other woman's lack of common decency. This is OBVIOUSLY an affair in the works if it's not one already. I feel for the wife. I know it would be hard, but I would absolutely DEMAND he cut contact with her completely or the marriage would be over. (Sounds to me like that's what he wants anyway ). I wouldn't do as others are saying and contact the other woman. Honestly with the way you describe her, I feel that knowing she's causing marital problems may motivate her to cause some more. This is the husband's decision to make. His wife or his new little friend. In my opinion she's better off without him.
I couldn't agree with this more. My husbad and I went through a very, very similiar situation with some close friends. The cheating husband and mistress (she was married as well) THRIVED on the pain and suffering they brought onto the wife. The more distraught she got the less they tried to hide what was happening and would go out of their way to cause her more grief. Husband blamed it all on the wife. I think her only regret at this point was letting it go on for so long. They are now in the process of a nasty divorce. I hope your friend's marriage can overcome this. She is in my prayers. I don't like to advocate for divorce, but I'd be putting my exit plan together. |
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Veteran
Posts: 285
| I'm sorry to the wife. :( I think I would try to talk to him one more time and if he wouldn't listen, pack his bags. That should wake him up and he will decide who is more important. ( which wifey should be) by the way, you're not crazy, men say that when their p*ssed. This is what I would do, but then again I've never been married. |
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 Elite Veteran
Posts: 679
Location: KS | I'm not much help, but just want to send a LOT of hugs and prayers to your friend. This is time she is going need MAJOR love and support whether he is cheating or not. Feeling disrespected by someone you love and trust is not a good feeling. Maybe you can take her out and invite the girls. Just have a fun girls night. That way she knows, no matter what, she still has people who are there for her.
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Veteran
Posts: 285
| ACowgirlsLastRun - 2015-12-23 1:54 PM
I'm not much help, but just want to send a LOT of hugs and prayers to your friend. This is time she is going need MAJOR love and support whether he is cheating or not. Feeling disrespected by someone you love and trust is not a good feeling. Maybe you can take her out and invite the girls. Just have a fun girls night. That way she knows, no matter what, she still has people who are there for her.
I definetly agree with this! Sending hugs and prayers too. |
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Tried and True
Posts: 21185
Location: Where I am happiest | sodapop - 2015-12-23 9:11 AM ThreeCorners - 2015-12-23 7:13 AM He tried telling his wife she had nothing to worry about and that the "friend" was "Older". The wife pushed for a dinner get together. Husband at first thought good idea and then refused. A few weeks went by and then the 2 drivers were stuck for 2 days at a truck stop due to weather, the wife again pushed for a dinner meeting because the "friend" was sitting right there also. So they had dinner at a local restaurant last weekend. She was feeling very positive about the dinner get together and was just certain she was going to meet a "older" plain jane granny type. Ummm, no. In walks a cute little blond definatelly younger!!!!! Far from the older granny type he tried to paint her as. Wife said she deserved a medal for sitting there shining it all on and acting like everything was a-ok. They ( husband as friend) spent the whole time talking about how much they know each other,how much they have in common, how much she detests church and christians, and she even likes to bake and brought him cookies the week prior!!!! When the wife got her dinner and her baked potatoe was VERY undercooked, the trucker "friend" popped off with "Most people like it hard." Who on earth turns a undercooked baked potatoe into a raunchy sexual joke remark? No, the dinner didnt help the wife at all and when she made any kind of unfavorable account of this dinner to the husband after they left, he defended this friend and belittled the wife for not thinking she's as wonderfull and funny as the husband does. Actually the dinner did help the wife she just doesn't seem to know it. She needs to analyze the whole thing and decide her next move. Only she knows really what kind of relationship these two have and what needs to be done about it. A bit off topic.....the "hates Christians comment". Does he hate Christians as well? What about your friend, the wife? That seems like odd dinner conversation and an odd thing to have in common. How old are all people involved? Trucker or not the potato joke was weird. I know truckers who know when and where to be appropriate. I can only imagine their conversations if she felt comfortable enough to say that.
Actually, the husband and wife are both Christians and were both very active in their church. The husband has even taken their pastor on fishing trips, the wife worked at the church in a outreach program for a couple years, the husband volunteered in outreach programs and he used to go to sat. mornings mens bible study and breakfast. Now his work schedule has him at work on sundays so he hasnt been to church lately and the pastor sent him a personal text last week telling him he missed him and missed seeing him and he hopes he would come to sat mens bible study. He didnt go. All of a sudden he says he has a problem with being to involved with the church and didnt want to go. Well, after her opening conversation.....we all know where that thought is comming from. |
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Tried and True
Posts: 21185
Location: Where I am happiest | star1218 - 2015-12-23 9:31 AM I must have missed something, the dinner had already happened prior to this thread being created? I thought the dinner was a brand new suggestion by the BB on pg 2. I feel like a lot of information could have been derived from the dinner and included in the original post.
He sounds more and more like a loser who deserves the crude blonde truck driver.
Yes, they went to dinner just this past saturday. Wife was hoping it would put her fears to rest by meeting a "much older" and unattractive woman that her husband would obviously not be interested in. Instead she met a little blond which looked younger but somewhat close to the same age. When asked, the "friend" wouldnt divulge her age. Even after the wife told her how old she was. |
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 Chicken Chick
Posts: 3562
Location: Texas | I read the OP, a few comments and the last post. That being said I would tell him how I felt and why. If he continued doing it I would have 5 days to pack my things. |
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 838
Location: Georgia | I have a lot of sympathy for your friend. Many prayers and well wishes for her during the Christmas season. It's no longer a marriage when the wife becomes the "other woman" to her husband.
Edited by Klittle3 2015-12-23 5:25 PM
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 679
Location: KS | ThreeCorners - 2015-12-23 4:09 PM sodapop - 2015-12-23 9:11 AM ThreeCorners - 2015-12-23 7:13 AM He tried telling his wife she had nothing to worry about and that the "friend" was "Older". The wife pushed for a dinner get together. Husband at first thought good idea and then refused. A few weeks went by and then the 2 drivers were stuck for 2 days at a truck stop due to weather, the wife again pushed for a dinner meeting because the "friend" was sitting right there also. So they had dinner at a local restaurant last weekend. She was feeling very positive about the dinner get together and was just certain she was going to meet a "older" plain jane granny type. Ummm, no. In walks a cute little blond definatelly younger!!!!! Far from the older granny type he tried to paint her as. Wife said she deserved a medal for sitting there shining it all on and acting like everything was a-ok. They ( husband as friend) spent the whole time talking about how much they know each other,how much they have in common, how much she detests church and christians, and she even likes to bake and brought him cookies the week prior!!!! When the wife got her dinner and her baked potatoe was VERY undercooked, the trucker "friend" popped off with "Most people like it hard." Who on earth turns a undercooked baked potatoe into a raunchy sexual joke remark? No, the dinner didnt help the wife at all and when she made any kind of unfavorable account of this dinner to the husband after they left, he defended this friend and belittled the wife for not thinking she's as wonderfull and funny as the husband does. Actually the dinner did help the wife she just doesn't seem to know it. She needs to analyze the whole thing and decide her next move. Only she knows really what kind of relationship these two have and what needs to be done about it. A bit off topic.....the "hates Christians comment". Does he hate Christians as well? What about your friend, the wife? That seems like odd dinner conversation and an odd thing to have in common. How old are all people involved? Trucker or not the potato joke was weird. I know truckers who know when and where to be appropriate. I can only imagine their conversations if she felt comfortable enough to say that.
I feel like this is the biggest red flag. |
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Doggy Diaper Designer
Posts: 2322
Location: WI | I am recently divorced.. Not for this same issue.. But I can say that first, I offer the biggest hug to this wife.. Prayers for you dear.. This is a miserable situation to be in and so hurtful.
Don't call any of the other people, it's not their marriage.. It's as simple as he needs to respect his wife and end this or wide needs to send the marriage. Not sure what state she is in, but might want to find out about the divorce laws.. Some states will hold affairs against you in court which could work in wife's favor if need be.
I pray they come out of this ok and better, but I'm skeptical.. |
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A Somebody to Everybody
Posts: 41354
Location: Under The Big Sky Of Texas | OK I thought that this woman trucker was married? |
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 Off the Wall Wacky
Posts: 2981
Location: Louisiana | I can tell you this, and I haven't read through any replies...
Even if it was completely 100% innocent, but I told my husband it bothered me, he would stop. He respects me.
That said, I don't go around demanding he doesn't see people. I'm not the jealous type and neither is he. So if I were to bring it up, he would know it was a genuine concern.
I can see both sides here. |
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Member
Posts: 13
| Absolutely sounds like an emotional affair, if it hasn't become physical yet. People typically don't just fall in to bed together, it starts as something innocent and progresses.
If she is so inclined, there is software that can be installed on his phone (if he ever leaves it alone and not password protected) where she could actually see how "innocent" their conversations were.
I would absolutely see an attorney as soon as possible, state laws vary a LOT on community property, custody, etc. She should have one on retainer just in case-if there's a chance she's going to kick him to the curb. She should also start stashing back some cash if possible.
Nothing is going to change unless HE decides to and it doesn't sound like he's interested. |
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Another relationship advice thread. lol