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Extreme Veteran
Posts: 410
| OT but I am bored and stuck at work all night. So the boyfriend and I have been dating for going on 5 years, I am 23 he is 26, and we are pretty serious. Lately, he has been dropping all kinds of hints about rings, looking at houses, and I am super excited! But there is a part of me that is nervous/scared/sad LOL Nervous at the fact marriage is a big deal! And in my eyes pretty darn close to permanent. I am even partially sad at the fact of eventually "leaving home and growing up" haha but seriously my parents and I have the best relationship I feel like you have to give part of that up to a point?
Am I crazy? I couldn't think of anyone else I would want to spend the rest of my life with. I love him and hes my best friend. Anyone else felt this?? |
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 Thread Killer
Posts: 7543
   
| I'm 24 and went through this earlier this year - minus the relationship part. I can't give advice for the relationship stuff, but I can speak about "breaking away." Graduated college, got a temp position, had to move, the works. I had never lived alone before and was so anxiety ridden over it. Thought I wouldn't be able to make it on my own, that I was too dumb to make things happen at my job, and was generally terrified. I didn't realize how badly I needed to get away, and I really do love my family. The whole experience was the shot in the arm that I needed. I live in a modest but nice appartment and keep it in order (lol). My temporary position is now permanent starting this Monday, and my relationship with my parents is even stronger than before. It's different now, but it certainly hasn't been weakened or distanced. In fact, the time away makes me appreciate thier company more. So to summarize, I think you and your bf/future husband will be just fine if you have a common goal and work towards it together. |
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Expert
Posts: 1477
Location: In the land of peanuts and cotton | I sent you a private message |
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 Underestimated Underdog
Posts: 3971
Location: Minnesota | Marriage is a big thing, it's not something to take lightly or rush into. I think its completely normal to feel nervous/scared/sad/anxious about the whole thing. There is nothing wrong with taking your time. I wish looking back now I would of taken my time.
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Red Bull Agressive
Posts: 5981
Location: North Dakota | Wow 5 years is quite a while. I don't think at this point you're rushing anything :) still I understand being nervous. I can psych myself out pretty quickly thinking about marrying my bf (we've not been together nearly as long as you guys though). But overall if you can't think of anything about him that's a major issue or reservation but just general nervousness about the future, I don't think you have anything to worry about. s For moving away from home, getting married does not correlate to moving away. Yes, for work and stuff you never know where you'll be taken! Don't let fear stop you. Your relationship to your parents can still stay strong. I'm extremely close with my parents and sister too and wouldn't want to be away from them. If you both put in the effort to contact and visit eachother you can still be close with them. I'm not sure if you're religious or not, but if you do believe, pray about it. I've had a pretty crazy life compared to most people. I used to worry a lot about everything but the more I've learned to pray and accept that everything happens for a reason, the calmer I've become. Listen to your gut and it tells you this is the right thing to do, don't worry. |
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 A Somebody to Everybody
Posts: 41354
Location: Under The Big Sky Of Texas | At 23 and still living with your parents, time to grow up is right, why are you nervous about marring this fella? After being together for 5 years yall should know each other pretty darn good. |
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Cold hands and Warm Heart
Location: oklahoma | "Pretty darn permanent " ( ?) you can't go into it lightly or expecting to fail, even subconsciously. There's hills and valleys with any relationship, but you know that by now :). Anything new is scary and my only advice really is to pray. |
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I Really Love Jeans
Posts: 3173
Location: North Dakota | Give yourself some time!! You are too young to get married!! Build a career and a future for yourself first! If he's the one he will support that 100%!!! |
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 I Prefer to Live in Fantasy Land
Posts: 64864
Location: In the Hills of Texas | Sounds to me that he's not the one because of your doubts. |
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What Name?
Posts: 1994
| Probably not the best place to ask. I think you should talk to a friend, someone you trust. You're just going to get an entire list of varied opinions on here. From people telling you you're too young to get married, to telling you any doubt at all is a sign you shouldn't get married, to the opposite end of it where they think if you've been together 5 years you'll do fine.
Point is, if he makes you happy, if you love him, want a LASTING future with him. That's something you'll have to determine on your own, without others coloring your view. Only you know you.
I will say this, anxiety and fear of the unknown is a HUMAN trait. Don't let fear hold you back. If you doubt him, then you should look into that by talking to him. But if you just fear the future, that's a YOU issue and something you'll have to work through. =) Talk to God. He hears all my problems and always sends me the answers I need. 
Good Luck.
Edited by americanpride08 2015-12-26 8:40 PM
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A Somebody to Everybody
Posts: 41354
Location: Under The Big Sky Of Texas | americanpride08 - 2015-12-26 8:38 PM Probably not the best place to ask. I think you should talk to a friend, someone you trust. You're just going to get an entire list of varied opinions on here. From people telling you you're too young to get married, to telling you any doubt at all is a sign you shouldn't get married, to the opposite end of it where they think if you've been together 5 years you'll do fine. Point is, if he makes you happy, if you love him, want a LASTING future with him. That's something you'll have to determine on your own, without others coloring your view. Only you know you. I will say this, anxiety and fear of the unknown is a HUMAN trait. Don't let fear hold you back. If you doubt him, then you should look into that by talking to him. But if you just fear the future, that's a YOU issue and something you'll have to work through. = ) Talk to God. He hears all my problems and always sends me the answers I need. Good Luck.
Yep shes going to get all kinds of insight here thats for sure.. And how old are you? I dont think that any of the advice here is coloring any views for her, she asked so she got some different answers, and not bad advice either..  and now you gave her advice too.. |
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 Money Eating Baggage Owner
Posts: 9586
Location: Phoenix | americanpride08 - 2015-12-26 6:38 PM
Probably not the best place to ask. I think you should talk to a friend, someone you trust. You're just going to get an entire list of varied opinions on here. From people telling you you're too young to get married, to telling you any doubt at all is a sign you shouldn't get married, to the opposite end of it where they think if you've been together 5 years you'll do fine.
Point is, if he makes you happy, if you love him, want a LASTING future with him. That's something you'll have to determine on your own, without others coloring your view. Only you know you.
I will say this, anxiety and fear of the unknown is a HUMAN trait. Don't let fear hold you back. If you doubt him, then you should look into that by talking to him. But if you just fear the future, that's a YOU issue and something you'll have to work through. = ) Talk to God. He hears all my problems and always sends me the answers I need.
Good Luck.
I agree. I will say that when I moved away from where I grew up I gained so much more confidence in my relationship (who I chose to be with) and my relationship with my parents became stronger. Fear of the unknown is common and I battled that in my mind and I put a lot of pressure on myself... I.e. was I making the right decision? what I should do with my life? Etc. My advice: and just do what feels right and what YOU want to do (not what's expected).
Edited by hammer_time 2015-12-26 10:21 PM
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 Expert
Posts: 3782
Location: Gainesville, TX | 23 is a number. That does not matter as much as your state of mind. You decide when you are ready. People have successful marriages because they decide to make them work, not because all the stars and planets aligned and 'he was the one.' Its just like any relationship; it takes proper care and nurturing. If you decide, even when you dont feel in love with him and you just had a major argument, to still work at it, to still nurture that person, when you are ready and willing to committ, then you will be fine. Most of your readiness is mental. I won't tell you the 'right person' business because I think we meet several people throughout our lives we can be happy with. Sometimes we just aren't ready or they aren't for some other reason. Think, pray, if he is serious dont leave him dangling after you, and whatever decision you make own it and take responsibility for it fully, whether the result is joy or heartache for a bit. But no one can know except for you. |
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 Accident Prone
Posts: 22277
Location: 100 miles from Nowhere, AR | Making the transition from child to adult can strengthen your relationship with your parents because you go from authority figure/support system to friend/support system. It's different, not less. For me, there is more honesty than there was when I felt I needed to seek their approval.
When I married my husband, I knew better than to expect a fairy tale, but I felt like God had put us in each other's path for a reason, and it was up to us to grab the opportunity with both hands and make our happy. 12 years, 2 kids, and several rough times later, I have never regretted it for a second, even when I fantasize about bashing his head in with a cast iron pot.  I took him on as a partner in my business 6 years ago, and he's making the transition to full time with me next month. THAT has been way scarier for me than anything else we've done together. |
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 Three in a Bikini
Posts: 2035
| Three 4 Luck - 2015-12-27 6:30 AM
Making the transition from child to adult can strengthen your relationship with your parents because you go from authority figure/support system to friend/support system. It's different, not less.
This!
I can tell you that getting married is the best thing I have ever done. It is also the hardest thing I have ever done. In my own life I am glad that I established a career and knew who *I* was before jumping onto this crazy ride. |
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 Own It and Move On
Location: The edge of no where | Do you still live with your parents? |
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10D Crack Champion
| Three 4 Luck - 2015-12-27 8:30 AM I have never regretted it for a second, even when I fantasize about bashing his head in with a cast iron pot.
Now I don't know anything about anything so I would say ask yourself this...... Would you wipe his butt if he wasn't able to and would he do the same for you? If the answer is yes to both questions, you may have your soulmate. 
Edited by sodapop 2015-12-27 3:57 PM
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 How freakish is that?
Posts: 3927
Location: Oregon | Have you pursued training for a career? Do you have a job? Does your bf have a career? Can he provide for a family? Can you provide for yourself if things go south? Are you on the same page as far as your expensive hobby, barrel racing, is concerned? Kids? Finances? Religion? Lots of things to consider before jumping into anything. Not always a great idea to go right from mommy and daddy to a husband. |
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How freakish is that?
Posts: 3927
Location: Oregon | sodapop - 2015-12-27 1:54 PM Three 4 Luck - 2015-12-27 8:30 AM I have never regretted it for a second, even when I fantasize about bashing his head in with a cast iron pot.
Edited by crapshooter 2015-12-27 3:59 PM
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10D Crack Champion
| crapshooter - 2015-12-27 3:56 PM sodapop - 2015-12-27 1:54 PM Three 4 Luck - 2015-12-27 8:30 AM I have never regretted it for a second, even when I fantasize about bashing his head in with a cast iron pot.
That one made me laugh too. Pretty darn close to permanent. haha |
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Extreme Veteran
Posts: 410
| Thanks for all the advice!
I do not have doubts that he is the one. We've been together 5 years he's my best friend hands down, the first person I want to tell good news to, and the person I run to when something bad happens. And I would wipe his butt and take care of him if the need aroused lol I am a nurse I make good money and he has a great job and makes good money. I guess it's the part that "oh wow I really am getting older" lol that's making me nervous. It's like wow my friends are even getting older haha it's super exciting to think of the future, but I guess the unknown is scary at the same time! |
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| I am getting married in 3 months so I can relate to the concerns you have. It's overwhelming but I try to view it as the next chapter of life and that's exciting. My parents are a huge part of my life, and have always provided what they could for me. Now that I'm moving on there are going to be sacrifices; but that's okay - we eventually have to grow up.
After reading your last post, I think you have your answer. |
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 Double Standards Don't Fly
Posts: 1283
Location: At the barn | I Don't think your doubt means he's not the one at all. It's just Normal. I cried like a baby waking down the isle and remember thinking " what if this doesn't work? What if this is a mistake?"
Then I thought "only one way to find out!!!!
I met my husband at 18 (he was 23) married him at 19 and we have been married 20 years this June!
Don't let people tell you you're too young, too unprepared, whatever. Only you know how you feel about him. If you love him, have been with him 5 years, you must have a good strong relationship. Plus the fact that he's who you run to with good news, bad news, for advice, etc says everything to me!
Everyone was against my husband and I getting married
But we were in love and we did. It's been a good life and I don't regret it even when I want to lay him out with an iron skillet lol!!!! |
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Marriage...hmmm