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Location: Somewhere around here | I think I need some advice on what to do with my hubby. Recently we have been able to have a little more money than usual, just from the holiday season and watching our money. I'm very happy about this, seeing as we are wanting to buy a Jeep within the next 2-3 years, and I'd like to just keep everything extra into our savings account. My husband seems to be one a spending spree lately. It started a little before Christmas, him wanting cast irons to cook on. I said ok, as long as he cleans them and not me, so we accumulated about 7 now (and the goo ones aren't cheap). Next he's wanting a outdoor metal cook setup so he can use his cast irons outside in the summer. A "cowboy bbq" if you will. And next he's wanting to buy video games for a Wii that was recently given to us. I said ok to a few games but now it's like one thing after another (more games, more accessories to games. Ugh.). He's just wanting to spend money on things that I see as things that we just don't NEED. Whenever I bring it up he will mention how I've spend money on clothes even though I have clothes in my closet (wait, who doesn't?), or I bought some makeup when he thinks I look fine without any makeup on, and we get into an argument. This has happened a few times are I've given up hope and just told him to buy whatever he wants, I don't care anymore...Obviously I do. I really just don't know what to do about it anymore. Tips?
Edited by cecollins0811 2016-01-08 7:49 AM
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 Buttered Noodles Snacker
Posts: 4377
Location: NC | Sounds liked my husband! hahahaha I am always the cheap one (well except with my horses) and he is the shopper!! I actually hate shopping. I am always telling him "We don't need to spend money right now, we need to pay stuff off" but I swear its in one ear and out the other. Then if I push it he throws how i buy horse stuff (supplements, feed, tack here and there) in my face. Drives me crazy. Not that he ever says I shouldn't buy those things, just that I can't tell him not to buy stuff. though I feel I buy more necessity items and he more wants and desires... Good luck let me know if you find the answer!  |
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Expert
Posts: 2685
| Maybe compromise and say ok. We each have X$ to spend on things we WANT, not NEED each pay period. Everything else we save. That way he can't gripe about your make up and if he WANTS something expensive he will have to save up HIS extra want money for a few checks to get it.
ETA this is how we do stuff, each pay period I have $X to spend on extra horse stuff (feed & hay not included because those are needs just like groceries lol) and he has $X to spend on whatever he wants. The rest I use to make extra payments on stuff.
Edited by RoaniePonie11 2016-01-07 7:28 AM
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 Elite Veteran
Posts: 1182
Location: Do I hear Banjos? | RoaniePonie's Idea is spot on.
What we do is we have our direct deposits set up from our paychecks to go in set amounts into the different accounts. Most goes in the joint account for household expenses which includes feed etc for the horses as they belong to both of us...we both ride. Some goes to savings...and then the remainder goes to each of ours individual accounts. We can do whatever we want with that money. The other doesn't care what we spend it on....or save it for. Makes it so nice at Christmas etc when I can buy him a gift that will both be a surprise and truly from ME. And...when I want that new bridle or whatever...If I've got the cash in my account...I can buy it and feel 100% awesome about it.
And the same is true for him. He can buy whatever truck accessory he wants.  |
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I just read the headlines
Posts: 4483
| RoaniePonie11 - 2016-01-07 7:25 AM
Maybe compromise and say ok. We each have X$ to spend on things we WANT, not NEED each pay period. Everything else we save. That way he can't gripe about your make up and if he WANTS something expensive he will have to save up HIS extra want money for a few checks to get it.
ETA this is how we do stuff, each pay period I have $X to spend on extra horse stuff (feed & hay not included because those are needs just like groceries lol) and he has $X to spend on whatever he wants. The rest I use to make extra payments on stuff.
I agree with this^^^. |
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Good Ole Boys just Fine with Me
Posts: 2869
Location: SE Missouri | Guys I hate to say it but if you are buying non essentials then he's going to also. Tack, supplements, makeup, etc are also non essentials.
I only say that Bc I was cracking down on our spending but still buying some expensive supplements (notice the word is supplement and not feed) that they all "need" but can survive without. So we had to figure out what we both agreed on was essential and what wasn't. (Just glad it's his horses too so we ended up agreeing the supplements were something we wanted to continue)
Just be totally honestly with categories of what is/isn't necessary and it should be way easier. |
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Buttered Noodles Snacker
Posts: 4377
Location: NC | TrailGirl - 2016-01-07 7:32 AM RoaniePonie's Idea is spot on. What we do is we have our direct deposits set up from our paychecks to go in set amounts into the different accounts. Most goes in the joint account for household expenses which includes feed etc for the horses as they belong to both of us...we both ride. Some goes to savings...and then the remainder goes to each of ours individual accounts. We can do whatever we want with that money. The other doesn't care what we spend it on....or save it for. Makes it so nice at Christmas etc when I can buy him a gift that will both be a surprise and truly from ME. And...when I want that new bridle or whatever...If I've got the cash in my account...I can buy it and feel 100% awesome about it. And the same is true for him. He can buy whatever truck accessory he wants.
I like this set up. Hopefully one day we can do something like this. |
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 Undercover Amish Mafia Member
Posts: 9992
Location: Kansas | open a separate account, and put aside some money from your paycheck into that. |
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 Accident Prone
Posts: 22277
Location: 100 miles from Nowhere, AR | What I do is set an unrealistically low budget and say "this is what we can afford to put towards that. If you can find what you want in this price range, go on and buy it." And then it doesn't happen. |
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Meanest Teacher!!!
Posts: 8555
Location: sunny california | Three 4 Luck - 2016-01-07 6:35 AM What I do is set an unrealistically low budget and say "this is what we can afford to put towards that. If you can find what you want in this price range, go on and buy it." And then it doesn't happen.
I did that and it only took 15 yrs to buy a Living Quarters LOL |
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 Elite Veteran
Posts: 602
| Get your own bank account or savings account? My husband is the exact same way, if he see $20 in savings, he will spend it. Separating finances can help a marriage. Now we have a healthy savings account. Ive realized he isn't great with money. Good Luck! |
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  Friendly horse swapper
Posts: 4122
Location: Buffalo, TX | I wouldn't let this be the hill I died on...I guess I'm different, but I think you have to trust each other and treat each other like adults to make decisions that won't take you down the path of financial ruin.
I see it as controlling him because you have different expectations...sorry, but it's kind of like a child/parent type of situation...I would be ****ed if anyone told me not to buy a few pans or some games, or anything for that matter... |
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Meanest Teacher!!!
Posts: 8555
Location: sunny california | Cindy Hamilton - 2016-01-07 7:04 AM I wouldn't let this be the hill I died on...I guess I'm different, but I think you have to trust each other and treat each other like adults to make decisions that won't take you down the path of financial ruin.
I see it as controlling him because you have different expectations...sorry, but it's kind of like a child/parent type of situation...I would be ****ed if anyone told me not to buy a few pans or some games, or anything for that matter...
i agree but disagree. some people have no control over spending and I could not loose everything over someone needing gadgets. I know it is only a few pans and to some people that is nothing, but to others it might be a significant dip in the savings.
I agree with the others that say seperate "fun" accounts, then allocating a certain amount of fun money for each. I don't want to know what hubby wastes money on. Sometimes he asks what something costs and i just say "you do not wnat to know" that means it is a hill i will die on...usually a vet bill
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 Expert
Posts: 3815
Location: The best kept secret in TX | We both do like what Roanieponie said. We both have seperate accounts. We both have access to another account we pay bills from. Only groceries/rent/electric/gas/water, etc come out of the joint account. He pays his truck payment soley from his check and I pay my car payment soley from my check. We do this simply because if we split the cost of both payments I would have no check left LOL
We both split the cost of phones as well.
Keeps everything seperate and fair. We have never had a fight about money.
His ex wife and him only had one account. Needless to say he never had money to spend on things he wanted because she spent the money on clothes, etc for herself after all bills were paid. It isn't fair when only one person gets to enjoy the fruits of their labor.
So that's why we have seperate accounts to spend money on non neccessities. If I want a pair of $50 reins I'll buy them. He will think i'm nuts but he can' get mad at me. Just like when he saved up to buy his programmer and headers and exhaust for his truck. I thought he was nuts but it was so nice to see him so happy to buy something fun with his own money he worked for. I love our system.
Edited by IRunOnFaith 2016-01-07 9:18 AM
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Posts: 1367
Location: mi | We have also set ours up so that so much goes for bills and the extra is our fun money. We both work. He makes more then me. We each have a set amount from our pay checks that has to go into the household expense account. Any extra is ours to spend on what we want. If either of us work over time that is our fun money to keep and do with what we want. Or tuck it away incase we have a short week and don't have the extra pocket money. It works great. He doesn't question when I go buy new tack and I don't question when he goes and buys new hunting crap. |
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Expert
Posts: 2685
| I wanted to add that we have 1 account that we share. Both of our checks go into it. When we get paid he pulls out $X in cash to do whatever with and I usually leave mine in the account accept for barrel race money which I need cash for but I do my shopping mostly online (supplements and such).
I agree with not liking not being able to trust your SO with money. I am much *better with money than he is so I make sure all of the bills gets paid but i trust him to have access to the $ because he wouldn't go spending a bunch of extra on stupid stuff knowing we are trying to get ahead of the game. If there is something that our spending money can't cover during that pay period (like the stud fee I'll be paying next check) we talk about it. Not like hey I'm doing this but like hey is it ok with you if I... And neither of us have ever said no to the other but it's courtesy and respect that we talk about it first. I'm extremely lucky to have a non horse man that loves my four legged children. |
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Expert
Posts: 3815
Location: The best kept secret in TX | kwanatha - 2016-01-07 9:13 AM Cindy Hamilton - 2016-01-07 7:04 AM I wouldn't let this be the hill I died on...I guess I'm different, but I think you have to trust each other and treat each other like adults to make decisions that won't take you down the path of financial ruin.
I see it as controlling him because you have different expectations...sorry, but it's kind of like a child/parent type of situation...I would be ****ed if anyone told me not to buy a few pans or some games, or anything for that matter...
I agree with the others that say seperate "fun" accounts, then allocating a certain amount of fun money for each. I don't want to know what hubby wastes money on. Sometimes he asks what something costs and i just say "you do not wnat to know" that means it is a hill i will die on...usually a vet bill
My SO helps me out when I have a big bill come in that I didn't plan on getting. I save as much as I can from each check just in case but sometimes unexpected things happen. That's what our credit card is for. We keep it for hospital bills and vet bills. We both split the cost of the minimum payment on it from our checks. Sometimes if I can afford the minimum payment on a vet bill I pay for it out of my seperate account alone. Mainly because a vet bill is considered a non necessity in our home. Here me out: I have horses. He doesn't. He has dirtbikes and motocycles. I do not. Therefore if the horses need routine work I pay for it. If his bikes need parts he pays for it.
Horses are a hobby in our home. Motocross is a hobby in our home. But he understands that sometimes horses will be horses and he knows how much they mean to me. So SOMETIMES he helps me with big vet bills. Otherwise, I'm on my own with my hobby horses lol. Just like sometimes I know he wants a bigger better bike or a bigger better part for a bike that he can't afford right now but either needs for a race or for practice. I know it means just as much to him as my horses mean to me.
We talk it over before putting it on the credit card and then I help him pay on it if I can. It's nice to help each other out that way. |
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Accident Prone
Posts: 22277
Location: 100 miles from Nowhere, AR | kwanatha - 2016-01-07 8:53 AM Three 4 Luck - 2016-01-07 6:35 AM What I do is set an unrealistically low budget and say "this is what we can afford to put towards that. If you can find what you want in this price range, go on and buy it." And then it doesn't happen.
ETA: if he had saved the money he's spent on fishing trips, he could have paid cash for his boat. So don't feel sorry for him. LOL
Edited by Three 4 Luck 2016-01-07 9:55 AM
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Meanest Teacher!!!
Posts: 8555
Location: sunny california | IRunOnFaith - 2016-01-07 7:35 AM kwanatha - 2016-01-07 9:13 AM Cindy Hamilton - 2016-01-07 7:04 AM I wouldn't let this be the hill I died on...I guess I'm different, but I think you have to trust each other and treat each other like adults to make decisions that won't take you down the path of financial ruin.
I see it as controlling him because you have different expectations...sorry, but it's kind of like a child/parent type of situation...I would be ****ed if anyone told me not to buy a few pans or some games, or anything for that matter...
I agree with the others that say seperate "fun" accounts, then allocating a certain amount of fun money for each. I don't want to know what hubby wastes money on. Sometimes he asks what something costs and i just say "you do not wnat to know" that means it is a hill i will die on...usually a vet bill
Horses are a hobby in our home. Motocross is a hobby in our home. But he understands that sometimes horses will be horses and he knows how much they mean to me. So SOMETIMES he helps me with big vet bills. Otherwise, I'm on my own with my hobby horses lol. Just like sometimes I know he wants a bigger better bike or a bigger better part for a bike that he can't afford right now but either needs for a race or for practice. I know it means just as much to him as my horses mean to me.
We talk it over before putting it on the credit card and then I help him pay on it if I can. It's nice to help each other out that way.
That sounds pretty healthy. Hubby sometimes helps me. like when we had major tire blow out: took out two on the dually and two on the trailer. It was kinda his fault so he bought new ones all around for me. He usually pays for truck maintence and tags. |
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Meanest Teacher!!!
Posts: 8555
Location: sunny california | Three 4 Luck - 2016-01-07 7:53 AM kwanatha - 2016-01-07 8:53 AM Three 4 Luck - 2016-01-07 6:35 AM What I do is set an unrealistically low budget and say "this is what we can afford to put towards that. If you can find what you want in this price range, go on and buy it." And then it doesn't happen.
ETA: if he had saved the money he's spent on fishing trips, he could have paid cash for his boat. So don't feel sorry for him. LOL
mine is the same way LOL. I finally wore him down and found a decent trailer that needed work. the interior is outdated he calls it "The Very Brady Trailer" LOL I think it is perfect |
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Friendly horse swapper
Posts: 4122
Location: Buffalo, TX | IRunOnFaith - 2016-01-07 9:35 AM kwanatha - 2016-01-07 9:13 AM Cindy Hamilton - 2016-01-07 7:04 AM I wouldn't let this be the hill I died on...I guess I'm different, but I think you have to trust each other and treat each other like adults to make decisions that won't take you down the path of financial ruin.
I see it as controlling him because you have different expectations...sorry, but it's kind of like a child/parent type of situation...I would be ****ed if anyone told me not to buy a few pans or some games, or anything for that matter...
I agree with the others that say seperate "fun" accounts, then allocating a certain amount of fun money for each. I don't want to know what hubby wastes money on. Sometimes he asks what something costs and i just say "you do not wnat to know" that means it is a hill i will die on...usually a vet bill
Horses are a hobby in our home. Motocross is a hobby in our home. But he understands that sometimes horses will be horses and he knows how much they mean to me. So SOMETIMES he helps me with big vet bills. Otherwise, I'm on my own with my hobby horses lol. Just like sometimes I know he wants a bigger better bike or a bigger better part for a bike that he can't afford right now but either needs for a race or for practice. I know it means just as much to him as my horses mean to me.
We talk it over before putting it on the credit card and then I help him pay on it if I can. It's nice to help each other out that way.
That's a good way to approach it....There is a line no one should go over in spending out of control though, and I think that comes down to respect for each other and the marriage partnership, but if your SO or husband (or wife) is spending way over the line enough to do damage, then you got bigger problems than a few extra small expenditures. |
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 Expert
Posts: 1857
| My husband has no self control.... I'm evil and I transfer money to our savings and then tell him "we're broke sorry can't buy that!" Then when I get what needs to be paid off or we get what we both agreed on was really important to buy, I go buy what he was wanting for him and use it as a Christmas gift or Birthday present. My husband is laid back and after so many years he trusts that when I tell him we can't afford it, and when he doesn't listen I hide the money.... EVIL WIFE I AM
Edited by FlyingJT 2016-01-07 10:05 AM
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 629
| I'm curious, who is it that wants the Jeep? You or him? or both? If it's just him, he'll figure out eventually that those pots and pans aren't as important as the jeep. Or maybe the jeep wasn't as important as all the cooking and gaming stuff. If it's just you, you can start hoarding your money so that you can afford it. Or, like another poster said, move money and say we can't afford it so he'll stop spending for a while.
My hubby and I do a lot of what the others have said. However, in our marriage, I'm the one that has a spending problem. We have a joint account, and we each have individual accounts. We put a fixed amount of our checks into the joint account for necessities. House, cars, electric, phones, groceries, all other misc bills. Whatever is left goes into our individual accounts for us to spend whatever we want. However, starting this year, I have taken to putting $500/month extra into the joint account and he transfers it out of our joint account into his savings account. He does this so that I don't see it. It's our, don't touch, savings account, and it's best I don't know how much is in there. It's used to save, and pay for unexpected emergencies like vet bills, car repairs, etc.
We are 2 different types of spenders. I will buy 100 $5 items throughout the year, and he wants 1 $500 item. It creates the same, if it's not in my account, I don't get it. He can save his extra $ and twice a year buy what he wants, and I can spend a little every time I get paid. |
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Friendly horse swapper
Posts: 4122
Location: Buffalo, TX | After reading all this, I know I'll never be able to get married again...no guy could ever believe how much I spend on my horses, guns & car...LOL |
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 Swiffer PIcker Upper
Posts: 4015
Location: Four Corners Colorado | FlyingJT - 2016-01-07 9:03 AM My husband has no self control.... I'm evil and I transfer money to our savings and then tell him "we're broke sorry can't buy that!" Then when I get what needs to be paid off or we get what we both agreed on was really important to buy, I go buy what he was wanting for him and use it as a Christmas gift or Birthday present. My husband is laid back and after so many years he trusts that when I tell him we can't afford it, and when he doesn't listen I hide the money.... EVIL WIFE I AM
I'm that Evil Wife too! |
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 Good Grief!
Posts: 6343
Location: Cap'n Joan Rotgut.....alberta | This is one of the many reasons why i have never and will never have a shared or joint account....m |
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 672
| mruggles - 2016-01-07 11:48 AM
This is one of the many reasons why i have never and will never have a shared or joint account....m
We are separate too. I pay for all of my big expenses and he pays for his. Sometimes if one of us has multiple big expenses the other will help out. |
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 Elite Veteran
Posts: 927
Location: Iowa | Try having one that says" Can't buy it unless its deductible". Always change out seasonal clothes in your closet so they don't look as full. Keep clothes that don't fit packed away or gone.
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 Chicken Chick
Posts: 3562
Location: Texas | My husband is an impulse buyer. He knows it, I know it, his family and friends know it, salesmen spot him from a mile away. I am the saver. I wouldn't buy make up because we "couldn't afford it". So there I was sitting at home, going nowhere, buying nothing for myself. I had us on a very tight budget trying to get some money saved up. My husband on the other hand would go buy a new outfit down to the socks and shoes on a weekly basis. He has 10x more shoes then me and twice the clothes. (Most of my clothes were given to me, mom, sister, friend, birthday etc.) I was really starting to resent it. So I decided I won't go without out just for him to have bigger shopping sprees. I now happily blow more money then he does and he doesn't say a word about it. If you can't beat them, join them and enjoy it lol. |
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 Shelter Dog Lover
Posts: 10277
| Cindy Hamilton - 2016-01-07 11:03 AM After reading all this, I know I'll never be able to get married again...no guy could ever believe how much I spend on my horses, guns & car...LOL
Aww, there are good ones out there, mine doesn't say a word and I have not worked in 25 years. |
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 Expert
Posts: 2097
Location: Deep South | My husband and I have a joint account. I believe in the biblical definition of marriage, "the two shall join together and become one" and I believe that applies to finances too.
The key to me not going crazy over the useless crap he spends money on is good budgeting. We use the zero-based budgeting method by Dave Ramsey. The two of you together should develop a budget. Decide together what you want going to savings each paycheck. Then allow room in the budget for his and hers spending money. Anything you want to buy that exceeds your allocated spending money should be a decision you make together. |
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Good Ole Boys just Fine with Me
Posts: 2869
Location: SE Missouri | BamaCanChaser - 2016-01-07 1:14 PM
My husband and I have a joint account. I believe in the biblical definition of marriage, "the two shall join together and become one" and I believe that applies to finances too.
The key to me not going crazy over the useless crap he spends money on is good budgeting. We use the zero-based budgeting method by Dave Ramsey. The two of you together should develop a budget. Decide together what you want going to savings each paycheck. Then allow room in the budget for his and hers spending money. Anything you want to buy that exceeds your allocated spending money should be a decision you make together.
Dave Ramsey is the reason we have one main account. We held separate accounts for 7 years, it was fine but we weren't making real head way on bills. Once we both got on the same page we knocked out 2 school loans, horse trailer, credit cards, tractor, hay equipment, hay, fertilzer, theraplate and a truck. And we just paid off our house, we drifted from the strict DR plan b/c we don't have the savings yet. We didn't have an operating line for our hay b/c we had the cash. I think we will reevaluate the hay b/c we have 40 acres and 6 horses, no reason to hay them as often when we should have enough grass stockpiled to graze all summer and most of the winter. That's a different conversation though, lol. We will always have hay b/c I'm a hay hoarder and thought of not having it available makes me just a touch crazy, lol.
We need to get back on track with the DR plan b/c it does work. He's the spend a little ALL the time and I like the big ticket items, lol. We know how we are and we acknowledge we've drifted so we have some items to pay off. Just be honest with each other on the difference between necessity and optional stuff. It sucks when you realize your stuff may not really be a necessity, lol. (speaking from experience )
Edited by abrooks 2016-01-07 1:45 PM
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Expert
Posts: 3815
Location: The best kept secret in TX | kwanatha - 2016-01-07 9:54 AM IRunOnFaith - 2016-01-07 7:35 AM kwanatha - 2016-01-07 9:13 AM Cindy Hamilton - 2016-01-07 7:04 AM I wouldn't let this be the hill I died on...I guess I'm different, but I think you have to trust each other and treat each other like adults to make decisions that won't take you down the path of financial ruin.
I see it as controlling him because you have different expectations...sorry, but it's kind of like a child/parent type of situation...I would be ****ed if anyone told me not to buy a few pans or some games, or anything for that matter...
I agree with the others that say seperate "fun" accounts, then allocating a certain amount of fun money for each. I don't want to know what hubby wastes money on. Sometimes he asks what something costs and i just say "you do not wnat to know" that means it is a hill i will die on...usually a vet bill
Horses are a hobby in our home. Motocross is a hobby in our home. But he understands that sometimes horses will be horses and he knows how much they mean to me. So SOMETIMES he helps me with big vet bills. Otherwise, I'm on my own with my hobby horses lol. Just like sometimes I know he wants a bigger better bike or a bigger better part for a bike that he can't afford right now but either needs for a race or for practice. I know it means just as much to him as my horses mean to me.
We talk it over before putting it on the credit card and then I help him pay on it if I can. It's nice to help each other out that way.
It works for us. |
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 669
Location: Central Texas | Our money is seperate. We split the bills (utilities, water, electric, rent, garbage, cell phones) 50/50. He has whatever money he has left to spend however he wants and so do I. Horse feed/hay is split 50/50. No arguments or hard feelings. |
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 Three in a Bikini
Posts: 2035
| Separate accounts.
If I want it I buy it and vice versa.
I do monitor the accounts and try to do a "quarterly review" to assess where we are both at.
If I cannot afford it on my own steam I would never ask for assistance.
We also agree to set goals and direct deposit a set amount into savings each month. |
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 My Heart Be Happy
Posts: 9159
Location: Arkansas | rodeomom3 - 2016-01-07 1:11 PM
Cindy Hamilton - 2016-01-07 11:03 AM After reading all this, I know I'll never be able to get married again...no guy could ever believe how much I spend on my horses, guns & car...LOL
I bet you DO work----might not be an outside job, but I have no doubt you work hard!!! |
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Shelter Dog Lover
Posts: 10277
| Chandler's Mom - 2016-01-07 9:52 PM rodeomom3 - 2016-01-07 1:11 PM Cindy Hamilton - 2016-01-07 11:03 AM After reading all this, I know I'll never be able to get married again...no guy could ever believe how much I spend on my horses, guns & car...LOL I bet you DO work----might not be an outside job, but I have no doubt you work hard!!!
Well, I used too, 4 kids all a year apart kept me pretty busy for years. We were broke, I worked evenings and weekends when hubby could keep them, I couldn't make enough to make it worth it if we had to pay a sitter for 4. As my husband started making more $$, I quit the part time work. Kids are grown, my days now are working out and riding :) |
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Expert
Posts: 1631
Location: Somewhere around here | Maybe I should've gone into a little more detail into this lol. Thank you everyone for the replys and ideas!
Alright, well since we had a baby 7 months ago, I stay at home and don't have a paycheck (except for $20 a week for a small job) and I feel like if I wanted to open a separate account just for myself then literally nothing would be in it lol!
We both want the Jeep because our car wouldn't fit two car seats in the back, it's just too small. We would be happy with some other vehicle that's not a Jeep (maybe something cheaper) but that's just what we liked the most when we were window shopping last year.
I can trust my hubby with money (usually). He was actually the one who calmed ME down on the spending a few years ago and made me have the "pay what was we NEED, thinking about maybe buying what we WANT later" mentality. So 85-90% of the time he is great with money, but with the little extra we just have recently gotten he just sees it more as "playing around" money than "putting it into savings" money.
I'll also clarify a little more on me buying makeup and clothes. Like I mentioned earlier, we have a baby and as many mothers out there knows a body will change and be weird for a while. I was getting rid of a lot of "teenish" clothes or ones that simply didn't fit me anymore and donated them to our local thrift store. So I was mainly buying 2 pair of pants, and 4 tops that fit my new mom body better. All these clothes came from Wal-Mart, not a expensive place, and I didn't buy these all at once. And makeup, well you gotta change your summer foundation to your winter one, am I right ladies?? Plus I needed a new mascara. Priorities lol.
So for him to say that I spend money on clothes and makeup actually is cheaper than something that he may buy, or at least I think so lol.
I while ago I told him that we should run by each other if we wanted to buy anything online (since we live in the middle of no where we buy online a lot) and he seemed ok with the idea but once I brought it up a few times he would just get defensive about it. It's like he's expecting me to say no even though I'll most likely say yes, I just want him to talk to me about it and make a decision as a family or at least a united front. |
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Expert
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Location: Somewhere around here | BamaCanChaser - 2016-01-07 1:14 PM
My husband and I have a joint account. I believe in the biblical definition of marriage, "the two shall join together and become one" and I believe that applies to finances too.
The key to me not going crazy over the useless crap he spends money on is good budgeting. We use the zero-based budgeting method by Dave Ramsey. The two of you together should develop a budget. Decide together what you want going to savings each paycheck. Then allow room in the budget for his and hers spending money. Anything you want to buy that exceeds your allocated spending money should be a decision you make together.
I agree a lot on this. Thank you!  |
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Location: WI | How do y'all decide how to split the bills? Is it equal amounts or proportional to income? I make a lot more than my fiance and feel bad making him pay as much as me. |
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 629
| linds - 2016-01-08 9:09 AM
How do y'all decide how to split the bills? Is it equal amounts or proportional to income? I make a lot more than my fiance and feel bad making him pay as much as me.
My husband makes double what I make, and we split the bills according to that. He pays a greater percentage of the bills, house, truck and car payment, electric. I pay car insurance, phones, tv, internet, and we "share" groceries.
Even though we have separate accounts as well as our joint account, we know it's all OUR money and not his and hers. I've paid extra on bills when I've had it, and he's given me money when I didn't have enough, or given my money to buy something I wanted that I didn't have time, or didn't want to save for months to have it. |
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Location: The best kept secret in TX | linds - 2016-01-08 8:09 AM How do y'all decide how to split the bills? Is it equal amounts or proportional to income? I make a lot more than my fiance and feel bad making him pay as much as me.
OP Stated on page two that she is lucky enough to be a stay at home mommy. |
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Location: WI | IRunOnFaith - 2016-01-08 10:37 AM linds - 2016-01-08 8:09 AM How do y'all decide how to split the bills? Is it equal amounts or proportional to income? I make a lot more than my fiance and feel bad making him pay as much as me. OP Stated on page two that she is lucky enough to be a stay at home mommy.
Not so much to the OP, but the people who split things 50/50 or anyone I guess that splits some and keeps some. |
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Location: The best kept secret in TX | linds - 2016-01-08 10:40 AM IRunOnFaith - 2016-01-08 10:37 AM linds - 2016-01-08 8:09 AM How do y'all decide how to split the bills? Is it equal amounts or proportional to income? I make a lot more than my fiance and feel bad making him pay as much as me. OP Stated on page two that she is lucky enough to be a stay at home mommy.
OH OK!! Sorry I misunderstood.
We split groceries, electric, and smaller bills 50/50. We also split CC payments down the middle unless we agreed prior to help each other out on a vet bill, bike part, or hospital bill we previously agreed to put on the card. In which case I would pay as much as I could and he would cover the rest for me. Or He would pay as much as he could and I would cover the rest. It just depnds on what we agreed upon prior to the CC Charge.
I pay about $150 of the rent and my SO pays the rest simply because I don't make as much as he does.
We pay gas, lunch, truck parts, make up, etc out of our own checks after all bills have been paid. I pay for feed out of my own pocket and he pays for his bikes, truck, and other "toys" out of his pocket. We have yet to have a fight over money. The system works really really well for us. It gives us both more money to "play" with each rather than him and I combining all of our checks together and paying all bills from both checks combined and using what was left to play with. Yes, he ends up with more money each check than I do but I have more than enough to play with and to buy feed from since he pays most all of the rent. And since I'm not asking for any of his money he is more than happy to say "Why don't you take this and go get a new x y or z for the horses, etc" It keeps him happy knowing that he can do that for me and it's truly from him.
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 The One
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Location: South Georgia | linds - 2016-01-08 9:09 AM How do y'all decide how to split the bills? Is it equal amounts or proportional to income? I make a lot more than my fiance and feel bad making him pay as much as me.
We do it based on our income levels. He makes more than me, so he pays more than me. Also, we consider each of our individual debts/responsibilities to determine what amount we can contribute. |
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Extreme Veteran
Posts: 512
| BamaCanChaser - 2016-01-07 1:14 PM
My husband and I have a joint account. I believe in the biblical definition of marriage, "the two shall join together and become one" and I believe that applies to finances too.
The key to me not going crazy over the useless crap he spends money on is good budgeting. We use the zero-based budgeting method by Dave Ramsey. The two of you together should develop a budget. Decide together what you want going to savings each paycheck. Then allow room in the budget for his and hers spending money. Anything you want to buy that exceeds your allocated spending money should be a decision you make together.
This is us too |
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Expert
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Location: mi | We kind of do it by income levels. I make about 2/3's of what he makes so put in about 2/3's of what he does into the bill account. I actually pay all of the bills. We each just have a set amount from each check that goes into the bill account and all household bills are paid from that account. There is no his truck or my car or he pays this or I pay that. We just sat down and said we need X amount each month to cover all of our basic bills and figured out what each person had to put in to cover that. If the bills are less that month the money sits and waits for the month when an unexpected car repair comes up or a wedding that we need a gift for a birthday for a family member.......... |
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| I am lucky enough that we make almost the same but even if we didn't I think we would still do it the same way. Put both checks in 1 account, pay bills out of it and take $X per check to play with. If I made less than him I would probably take less out each check to play with just because I would feel bad but he wouldn't care as long as we were still making extra payments and saving $. |
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My Heart Be Happy
Posts: 9159
Location: Arkansas | rodeomom3 - 2016-01-08 6:04 AM
Chandler's Mom - 2016-01-07 9:52 PM rodeomom3 - 2016-01-07 1:11 PM Cindy Hamilton - 2016-01-07 11:03 AM After reading all this, I know I'll never be able to get married again...no guy could ever believe how much I spend on my horses, guns & car...LOL I bet you DO work----might not be an outside job, but I have no doubt you work hard!!!
You've paid your dues!! |
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 Toastest with the Mostest
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Location: That part of Texas | cecollins0811 - 2016-01-08 7:48 AM Maybe I should've gone into a little more detail into this lol. Thank you everyone for the replys and ideas! Alright, well since we had a baby 7 months ago, I stay at home and don't have a paycheck (except for $20 a week for a small job) and I feel like if I wanted to open a separate account just for myself then literally nothing would be in it lol! We both want the Jeep because our car wouldn't fit two car seats in the back, it's just too small. We would be happy with some other vehicle that's not a Jeep (maybe something cheaper) but that's just what we liked the most when we were window shopping last year. I can trust my hubby with money (usually). He was actually the one who calmed ME down on the spending a few years ago and made me have the "pay what was we NEED, thinking about maybe buying what we WANT later" mentality. So 85-90% of the time he is great with money, but with the little extra we just have recently gotten he just sees it more as "playing around" money than "putting it into savings" money. I'll also clarify a little more on me buying makeup and clothes. Like I mentioned earlier, we have a baby and as many mothers out there knows a body will change and be weird for a while. I was getting rid of a lot of "teenish" clothes or ones that simply didn't fit me anymore and donated them to our local thrift store. So I was mainly buying 2 pair of pants, and 4 tops that fit my new mom body better. All these clothes came from Wal-Mart, not a expensive place, and I didn't buy these all at once. And makeup, well you gotta change your summer foundation to your winter one, am I right ladies?? Plus I needed a new mascara. Priorities lol. So for him to say that I spend money on clothes and makeup actually is cheaper than something that he may buy, or at least I think so lol. I while ago I told him that we should run by each other if we wanted to buy anything online (since we live in the middle of no where we buy online a lot) and he seemed ok with the idea but once I brought it up a few times he would just get defensive about it. It's like he's expecting me to say no even though I'll most likely say yes, I just want him to talk to me about it and make a decision as a family or at least a united front.
I would cut him some slack, especially if he is typically good with money and has a record of making financial decisions for the benefit of the family. I'm sure he's been pretty stressed out being the sole provider for your family -- especially with a baby added in the mix -- and buying some of these things may make all the sacrifices, the extra crap he's put up with at work or 20 other things he's done differently to support you guys pay off for him. It's okay to talk with him about extra spending but I would also acknowledge that maybe this extra money is what he needs to do right now and to not give him grief over it. If it becomes a habit, you might talk to him later about it or show on paper how it's getting your further away from your goals and how it's important now -- especially since you are not working -- that you guys save extra money in case he gets hurt and can't work.
For the particular things he is buying, I would also try to look at it as a bonus. If he's into cooking, that means you may get a few extra nights off of doing cooking duty, especially in the summer, that gives you more time to get things done that otherwise wouldn't or just the ability to take a break, watch him cook while you relax with some wine and talk about things. If you're grilling you're probably going to be using certain vegetables this summer that can easily be planted in a small garden cheaply and you can save money that way instead of buying them at the store. Could you possibly save some money by putting in one of those and also showing him that you support his cooking hobby that way? |
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OT - Not trying to air dirty laundry but...UPDATE pg2