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| I really hate to vent...I feel like I'm always coming on here complaining/inquiring about non-horse related things but I don't have horses right now so that's mostly why! Anyways. I'm going through another break up..I'm young and was dumped in 2014 after a relationship of three and a half years. I posted about that so thought I'd add the year cause I'm sure some remember. I realized it was a long time comin and I really had needed to do the dumping. Well I had met someone not too long after and didn't wanna jump into anything but kinda did because it felt right. This was a more mature relationship but ended about three weeks ago, week or so ago officially. We both saw where things went wrong on both sides. He was more unhappy than I was so I obviously didn't want/wasn't going to make him stay. Something I'm wondering is can you really feel that feeling that someone's the right one? Or is that just mushy BS? I'm wondering because I still feel that way with this one. The last one I knew was just headed downhill. This time, we both made mistakes in how we communicated/handled things, etc, but I still have this feeling that he may be the one. I would be willing to work on some things but that's one sided I'm sure. Of course I'm sure he doesn't think I could be the one right now..ha. I over-analyze things so I don't know if I'm supposed to feel these butterflies that tell me he's definitely the one or if it's more logical (do we get along, do we have the same values, etc). It doesn't really matter right now anyways because he called more of the shots breaking up than I did. I believe if it's meant to be it will be..I'm just not sure. I've been pretty strong but have been a mess this weekend for some reason and just can't sleep right now. And for anyone about to say it, don't worry I won't be getting into another relationship for a longgggg time. I graduate with my bachelors in May and don't want any kind of anything, especially until I've decided whether to get a job here in WV, move and get a job, or get my Masters. I know there are many others with more legitimate concerns and problems that need prayers right now so pray for them first. But if you could spare a few from me, it'd be greatly appreciated! This instability in my life right now makes me feel like I'm drowning and honestly for some reason I just feel dumb and like a fool since it's happened to me twice.
Edited by blccwgl55 2016-02-07 11:21 PM
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 My Heart Be Happy
Posts: 9159
  
Location: Arkansas | How old are you? | |
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Expert
Posts: 1304
| 22 going on 23. Like I said, I know I'm young. I really just want to "do me" for awhile. I was just curious about how you'll know, how you'll not know. I'm probably better off doing my own thing for awhile and establishing myself, but I still feel really crappy right now. I felt like things were really goin somewhere!
Eta: I'm not someone that always has to be in a relationship and I'm not going to for a long time, especially before I know what I'm wanting to do in the next step of my life and get to do what I would like to do. I just am not a person to waste my time or date around so I was wondering if there were clear ways to tell if someone's worth being around in the future (like you can tell if they're the one or not), and so I don't make the same mistakes I've made now. I probably sound really naive asking that, but I'm being serious. I've heard people say "they just know" and others say that's crap. I either wanna feel it or don't feel it because I don't like to just date and get my feelings involved if it's not worth it. I'm just done with anything like that for awhile. I just want a horse and my dog! 
Edited by blccwgl55 2016-02-08 4:42 AM
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I just read the headlines
Posts: 4483
| To answer your question - yes, there was/ is the feeling of this guy is the one. At least for me there was. We've been married 30 years. When other people talk about marriage being hard work, I don't understand what they mean. We have had to make hard decisions for our future and family but we made them together and moved happily on. I truly feel God blessed me with my husband. Soooo, I will pray for you to eventually find the love of your life, too. Oh, my daughter found her love just 1 1/2 years ago and she is fixin' to be 30. | |
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 Accident Prone
Posts: 22277
Location: 100 miles from Nowhere, AR | I had just turned 29 when I met mine. And yes, we both knew pretty early that we were very compatible and wanted each other for a life partner. Yes, there were butterflies, but it wasn't any lightning strike, angels singing, great passionate love affair. It was more like coming home--someone who saw who I really was (rather than what he wanted me to be) and loved and treasured me anyway. After that, it's a choice of making things work through the hard stuff. You make the choice every day to stay and love this person even when you're not feeling in love with them.
Before that, I had a broken engagement from my on again/off again 3 times since high school should have known better than to try boyfriend, and a failed marriage to a verbally abusive alcoholic/gambling addict to my credit. I learned a lot from making mistakes in my 20s. LOL | |
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 Elite Veteran
Posts: 1182
Location: Do I hear Banjos? | I am far wiser now and wish I could go back and talk to my 22 year old self. I'd have saved myself a lot of heartache with all I have learned along the way...but that's just the thing...we have to live to learn. That's what you are doing now. Consider it character development. You will earn a masters in this before it's done.
Some folks meet THE ONE early on and marry...stay together happily and I am glad there are those folks out there to show it's possible.
For most of us...we stumble around looking...thinking we may have found it...maybe...then it falls apart. Sometimes several times. Some make the square peg fit the round hole for many years...that takes strength...but I don't know if they are truly happy or just muddling through.
But looking back now from the happy place I sit...all of that mess for me was passing time. When you truly meet the one for you...you just FIT. It's easy...it's not difficult. Everything makes sense and it could never be described as taking "Work" to keep it together. You genuinely enjoy being together...there's no drama...just love and a true partnership through life. THAT's worth waiting for. Don't settle...be patient. | |
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I just read the headlines
Posts: 4483
| TrailGirl - 2016-02-08 7:25 AM
I am far wiser now and wish I could go back and talk to my 22 year old self. I'd have saved myself a lot of heartache with all I have learned along the way...but that's just the thing...we have to live to learn. That's what you are doing now. Consider it character development. You will earn a masters in this before it's done.
Some folks meet THE ONE early on and marry...stay together happily and I am glad there are those folks out there to show it's possible.
For most of us...we stumble around looking...thinking we may have found it...maybe...then it falls apart. Sometimes several times. Some make the square peg fit the round hole for many years...that takes strength...but I don't know if they are truly happy or just muddling through.
But looking back now from the happy place I sit...all of that mess for me was passing time. When you truly meet the one for you...you just FIT. It's easy...it's not difficult. Everything makes sense and it could never be described as taking "Work" to keep it together. You genuinely enjoy being together...there's no drama...just love and a true partnership through life. THAT's worth waiting for. Don't settle...be patient.
Well said Trail Girl, especially the last paragraph. | |
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Accident Prone
Posts: 22277
Location: 100 miles from Nowhere, AR | I dunno, when you're exhausted and he's snoring, it kinda feels like work to not smother him with a pillow. | |
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  Warmblood with Wings
Posts: 27846
Location: Florida.. | you need to just work on yourself being happy alone..
There is a thing as you will know..............but hes not yours if he wanted to end it.
move on, dont be "that" girl that needs someone..
your so young.. enjoy your singlehood and control of your own life.. some girls think they need a man... they dont.. be happy with yourself be independant and if one comes along later on that compliments your life so be it... let him enjoy things with you but id not rush into anything.. friends are more important in the beginning .. | |
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 Undercover Amish Mafia Member
Posts: 9991
Location: Kansas | I'm glad I'm single lol, don't have to deal with a man...... | |
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 Serious Snap Trapper
Posts: 4275
Location: In The Snow, AZ | GLP - 2016-02-08 4:35 AM
To answer your question - yes, there was/ is the feeling of this guy is the one. At least for me there was. We've been married 30 years. When other people talk about marriage being hard work, I don't understand what they mean. We have had to make hard decisions for our future and family but we made them together and moved happily on. I truly feel God blessed me with my husband. Soooo, I will pray for you to eventually find the love of your life, too. Oh, my daughter found her love just 1 1/2 years ago and she is fixin' to be 30.
My husband and I have been together 10 years. Married for 6. I am 27. He's 31. We were both young when we met. But I absolutely knew he was "the one" for me.
I also don't feel that my marriage is hard work. Have we had arguments here and there? Yes. Do we have difficult decisions to make? Absolutely. Have I ever felt it was hard or work to be around my husband. Never. He's the love of my life. God has given me everything I need. But he outdid himself when he paired us up.
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| I haven't read all the replies, but I wanted to share with you that I have been in your exact same shoes.
I started dating someone when I was 22. . . I actually left a relationship to be with him. There was no cheating, but I felt like I was on the way out with the other guy anyway; knew we didn't have the same interests or goals. It just kind of put the nail in the coffin. He felt perfect for me; he was into horses and I had a crush on him back when we were kids, but we never really were friends.
A year and a half into our relationship we broke up for 5 or 6 weeks. I was in college 4 hours away from home and felt so helpless and lost. In the past I have lost my "once in a lifetime" horse in a tragic accident; and the pain I felt from this break up was more hurtful than losing my mare. I didn't know why I clung on, or why I needed him so bad - but I just knew I did. After time had passed we finally were civil enough to talk to one another - we explained where we both had gone wrong and what we each needed to do if we wanted to try again.
I am marrying him 2 months from tomorrow, and we will have been together for 5 years (with the exception of that one month break lol) this spring. If you feel something is right, I would say listen to your heart. I am not telling you to run to his doorstep, text/call, annoy him, beg and plead with him....but give it time. Right now he is probably hurt or angry and it's impossible to have a mature discussion through those kind of emotions.
Good luck and hugs....it's something I would never want to go through again. | |
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 Owner of a ratting catting machine
Posts: 2258
| When I met my husband, I wasn't sold. It took months, because I was so suspicious, he seemed too good to be true. I liked him, had the hots for him, spent a lot of time with him, but always held back a bit. There's a few BBs on this board that watched it all go down with some amusement as they know me personally. Anyway...he wouldn't go away. He decided he wanted me in his life and did everything he could to prove it.
My point, you don't have to chase or change yourself to convince the right guy to stay, he looks you in the eye and asks you if he can. You have to be nice and do good things for him, and treat him well, remember men aren't door mats, but you're not going to have to break apart the things that make you, well, you.
The right guy is someone that doesn't change himself to make you happy, and whom you don't change for either. You simply have to make room for each other.
As far as making a commitment to someone in the long run, for marriage etc, for the right guy, it's worth it. It's not something to do with someone because you need validation, or it's what you want to do because you're "so in love". It's something to do with someone who's got your back, who can pull his weight, and who will defend his friendship and love with you fiercely. You marry a partner, not just a guy that you have to cater to, or that is just there to cater to you.
As someone said, you gotta marry your partner, because just some guy would probably end up the victim in a "Snapped" episode.
Edited by classicpotatochip 2016-02-08 8:53 AM
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 Money Eating Baggage Owner
Posts: 9586
Location: Phoenix | Here's what reassures me that I've found the one: if he's picking me up (like from work if we carpool) I get probably one butterfly in my stomach that flops and I become giddy to see him. We usually make goofy faces at each other as I approach. He practically called us being together right after we met. He offered to drive to Vegas and get hitched because "his jeep was full of gas". =P (he had been drinking haha)
My college years were tough on my psyche because I was an over thinker and didn't know what I wanted in life. I wasn't really looking but he just happened along. He wasn't my ideal choice on paper, but it's worked out so much better. | |
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Married to a Louie Lover
Posts: 3303
| Three 4 Luck - 2016-02-08 7:15 AM
I had just turned 29 when I met mine. And yes, we both knew pretty early that we were very compatible and wanted each other for a life partner. Yes, there were butterflies, but it wasn't any lightning strike, angels singing, great passionate love affair. It was more like coming home--someone who saw who I really was (rather than what he wanted me to be) and loved and treasured me anyway. After that, it's a choice of making things work through the hard stuff. You make the choice every day to stay and love this person even when you're not feeling in love with them.
Before that, I had a broken engagement from my on again/off again 3 times since high school should have known better than to try boyfriend, and a failed marriage to a verbally abusive alcoholic/gambling addict to my credit. I learned a lot from making mistakes in my 20s. LOL
I agree with this. I'll be 29 in June. My SO just turned 31. There's no doubt in either of our minds that we're in it for the long haul. We haven't been together very long in the grand scheme but there's just no doubt. Big life decisions seem easy when being with him is the end result.
Less of the butterflies, more of just a very comforting at ease feeling. Kind of makes you wonder if the butterflies all the years and relationships before were good butterflies or your gut trying to tell you something.
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I just read the headlines
Posts: 4483
| ~BINGO~ - 2016-02-08 8:30 AM
GLP - 2016-02-08 4:35 AM
To answer your question - yes, there was/ is the feeling of this guy is the one. At least for me there was. We've been married 30 years. When other people talk about marriage being hard work, I don't understand what they mean. We have had to make hard decisions for our future and family but we made them together and moved happily on. I truly feel God blessed me with my husband. Soooo, I will pray for you to eventually find the love of your life, too. Oh, my daughter found her love just 1 1/2 years ago and she is fixin' to be 30.
My husband and I have been together 10 years. Married for 6. I am 27. He's 31. We were both young when we met. But I absolutely knew he was "the one" for me.
I also don't feel that my marriage is hard work. Have we had arguments here and there? Yes. Do we have difficult decisions to make? Absolutely. Have I ever felt it was hard or work to be around my husband. Never. He's the love of my life. God has given me everything I need. But he outdid himself when he paired us up.
30 years later I can look over at him sleeping in his chair and get tears in my eyes and a soft smile. He still thinks I am the cutest thing when I sleep. Wild passion- not so much anymore. Heart swelling, eyes welling with tears love - yep everyday.
Lol, just noticed the commonality of my words - sleeping. Maybe that's our secret- we look at each other only when the other is asleep! Jk | |
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 Shelter Dog Lover
Posts: 10277
| GLP - 2016-02-08 6:35 AM To answer your question - yes, there was/ is the feeling of this guy is the one. At least for me there was. We've been married 30 years. When other people talk about marriage being hard work, I don't understand what they mean. We have had to make hard decisions for our future and family but we made them together and moved happily on. I truly feel God blessed me with my husband. Soooo, I will pray for you to eventually find the love of your life, too. Oh, my daughter found her love just 1 1/2 years ago and she is fixin' to be 30.
Ditto, I have never considered my marriage hard work, we have never had a rough patch. We rarely fight. We met and married within 5 months, it will be 29 years in May, we had 4 kids the first 4 years of our marriage. Wait for the right guy, he is out there. Our friends 31 year old daughter is getting married in April and there are so many red flags even the priest who did their pre marriage counseling said they were the most dysfunctional couple he had ever met and refused to marry them. She has called off the wedding twice but as of now it is back on. It makes me sad for her because she is going to have and unhappy marriage but she wants to be married so bad she is determined to go through with it. In my younger years I dated a lot of jerks then made the decision no more jerks in my life-they had one shot and the first sign of inconsiderate behavior they were out the door. Good luck snd do not settle. | |
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 Elite Veteran
Posts: 1129
Location: OH-IO | Three 4 Luck - 2016-02-08 9:11 AM I dunno, when you're exhausted and he's snoring, it kinda feels like work to not smother him with a pillow.
lololol amen sista!  | |
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 1129
Location: OH-IO | ~BINGO~ - 2016-02-08 9:30 AM GLP - 2016-02-08 4:35 AM To answer your question - yes, there was/ is the feeling of this guy is the one. At least for me there was. We've been married 30 years. When other people talk about marriage being hard work, I don't understand what they mean. We have had to make hard decisions for our future and family but we made them together and moved happily on. I truly feel God blessed me with my husband. Soooo, I will pray for you to eventually find the love of your life, too. Oh, my daughter found her love just 1 1/2 years ago and she is fixin' to be 30. My husband and I have been together 10 years. Married for 6. I am 27. He's 31. We were both young when we met. But I absolutely knew he was "the one" for me. I also don't feel that my marriage is hard work. Have we had arguments here and there? Yes. Do we have difficult decisions to make? Absolutely. Have I ever felt it was hard or work to be around my husband. Never. He's the love of my life. God has given me everything I need. But he outdid himself when he paired us up.
Husband and I have been together 9 years, married for 5, just had our first child in March of 2015. I knew he was the one, but let me tell you it was not easy. Its never "easy" to LOVE each other, but it is easy to make the decision to do it anyway. I love him and always have. That doesnt mean I havent thought about what life would be like on the other side. It is hard, but I knew from before day 1 that he was it. Hes a great dad, wonderful husband, and I do not fear for my life in anyway. (I, however, do fear for his-if he leaves his boots on the steps for me to fall over one more time) | |
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Accident Prone
Posts: 22277
Location: 100 miles from Nowhere, AR | Life isn't a fairy tale. Marry the man who will love you and stay by you even if you wake up one morning ugly, disabled, and unemployed, living with your parents, needing to be milked like a dairy cow, mad at the world, and with 2 rug rats screaming for your attention. Bonus points if you can still love him and stay with him after he whines about it.  | |
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 Expert
Posts: 1631
Location: Somewhere around here | I met my husband when I was 19, married at 21, had our child at 24 and I have to say we have the best marriage that I could have ever prayed for! It hasn't been a complete walk in the park though; we went to a Family Life "Weekend to Remember" seminar when we married for just a year and it gave us a great foundation to go back to. Recently I have discovered the GOLDEN BOOK (seriously, it's the best ever) called "The 5 Love Languages" and there's a few different kinds; singles, couples, married, kids, and teens. It was very simple to read and understand and I feel like if I read it when I was single or just dating around then I could've definitely weeded out the guys that I didn't want in my life but also how I know I wanted to be loved. I've learned the best ways to love my husband and he has learned the same with me. We couldn't be happier! I'd recommend you maybe reading the singles book and learn more about yourself and what you want in a bf or future spouse. | |
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Expert
Posts: 1631
Location: Somewhere around here | rodeomom3 - 2016-02-08 8:55 AM
GLP - 2016-02-08 6:35 AM To answer your question - yes, there was/ is the feeling of this guy is the one. At least for me there was. We've been married 30 years. When other people talk about marriage being hard work, I don't understand what they mean. We have had to make hard decisions for our future and family but we made them together and moved happily on. I truly feel God blessed me with my husband. Soooo, I will pray for you to eventually find the love of your life, too. Oh, my daughter found her love just 1 1/2 years ago and she is fixin' to be 30.
Ditto, I have never considered my marriage hard work, we have never had a rough patch. We rarely fight. We met and married within 5 months, it will be 29 years in May, we had 4 kids the first 4 years of our marriage. Wait for the right guy, he is out there. Our friends 31 year old daughter is getting married in April and there are so many red flags even the priest who did their pre marriage counseling said they were the most dysfunctional couple he had ever met and refused to marry them. She has called off the wedding twice but as of now it is back on. It makes me sad for her because she is going to have and unhappy marriage but she wants to be married so bad she is determined to go through with it. In my younger years I dated a lot of jerks then made the decision no more jerks in my life-they had one shot and the first sign of inconsiderate behavior they were out the door. Good luck snd do not settle.
Oh dear, this sounds exactly like one of my old friends. She's in a relationship with her 2nd ever boyfriend and I think he is a complete slime ball but she adores him. They just got engaged and all she can think about is how she is finally "catching up" to me and her cousin who's been married for 5ish years now. I don't want her to get married just so she think she can be on the same level as us, I want her to get married because he truly loves her and she truly loves him and they want to spend the rest of their lives together. I'm trying not to be negative about it but I can just see him cheating, lying, and/or stealing from her in the future and she getting heart broken in a dead-end marriage. I just hope it doesn't happen and I'm wrong.  | |
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| Be so thankful that you are single at this time. You get to pick your next step in life without the influence of a significant other. This is an important part of knowing and picking what you want to do with your life. Getting to know yourself in your early 20's will only make your future marriage better.
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 I Chore in Chucks
Posts: 2882
Location: MD | I feel like you need to wait at least one month from now to even address anything regarding this man and a relationship with him... The wounds are still REALLY fresh, especially since he was really the one in control of the split - i.e. you weren't emotionally prepared to be apart.
With Steve(been together since 2011), I feel like I'm the luckiest girl in the world. I never really felt this earth moving, fireworks display. But I felt this, "I feel 'right' here." It's like I wouldn't choose to be anywhere else then right at his side. It's really hard to condense our relationship down to a few paragraphs and I don't feel like it would give what he and I have any justice. So I will leave it at, I didn't even know that this kind of bliss existed. If this is what being truly blessed is, it's infinitely better then the Cinderella stories. | |
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Money Eating Baggage Owner
Posts: 9586
Location: Phoenix | NFM - 2016-02-08 9:12 AM Be so thankful that you are single at this time. You get to pick your next step in life without the influence of a significant other. This is an important part of knowing and picking what you want to do with your life. Getting to know yourself in your early 20's will only make your future marriage better.
Ditto well said | |
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 Extreme Veteran
Posts: 312
Location: KS | Take time for yourself.
I went through high school never dating anyone, and honestly never had a desire to date anyone seriously anyway. I had lots of guy friends, but wanted to go to college single and make my own choices. I was (still am) an independent person and I think this helped me. I went through my first year of college single, went out on a few dates, nothing serious. This guy (my now husband of 5 years) from my hometown 4 years older than me started coming out where I went to school almost every weekend (2 hr drive), we were friends, but he chased me for a year before I even gave him a chance to be more than my friend or even realized what he was doing. When I did finally give in, I was home for the summer and we just would hang out almost every night (our nights were spent in a tractor, baling hay). Anyway I never gave him the actually yes, we are dating, he finally asked me like 2 months later. When I said yes, I didn't really feel like it was going to last forever, not at the beginning anyway. After a few more months it started to feel more real, like maybe this will be the first and only guy I date, maybe not.....after 2 years of dating and after I graduated college he purposed, we got married a few months later, and I can say we have an amazing relationship. And no it hasn't always been easy but marriage isn't always suppose to be easy, theres going to be disagreements, and agreements to disagree, that's life, and I don't look at it as hard work either but it takes to people, a partnership, a lot of understanding, and love to make a marriage a good one. And there's no doubt in my mind my husband and I wont make it forever.....
The thing is, I wasn't looking for a relationship, a serious one at that. I hadn't really decided if I was planning to come home right away after college, but I know this was Gods plan for me. It was meant to happen the exact way it did, so keep this in mind. Chances are love will find you when you least expect it, and I believe you cant completely control who you fall in love with, I know that kinda sounds strange, but if you knew the guy I fell for and you knew me youd understand. We are two people who grew up 5 miles apart from one another, our families making a living doing the same thing (farming/ranching) but we do nothing alike.....were raised nothing alike, but somehow we have made it work. Love probably playing the biggest part.
Don't give up, just give yourself time, and not going lie get yourself some horses, another focus would be great.
Good Luck! | |
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My Heart Be Happy
Posts: 9159
Location: Arkansas | You have gotten some really really great advice. . . I hope it all works out and you find just that right someone at just the right time. | |
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Expert
Posts: 1304
| Thank you for all of the stories and advice. I really needed that and I always know I can come here for support. I'm trying to stay strong and focus on me since the next few months will be a big transition in my life. I really want to move and start working but I also have the opportunity to get a graduate assistantship where I'm going to school which pays for basically all of your masters as well as a stipend as you work 20 hours a week. It's a great opportunity but I'm not so sure I feel really strongly about any of the masters programs. My twin sister is due the beginning of June so I'm excited to be an aunt and have been planning her baby shower. I have a lot of good things going on right now that I'm trying to embrace, but I'm just feeling down with all of this. We actually had met up this past week and it went well. We're able to be nice to each other and that was the best we've gotten along in a long time. It probably wasn't best though because I still miss him and love him. I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't value me the same so I'm just trying to stay strong and leave him be but it's hard. We've talked via phone call or text on occasion because we're trying to be civil and we don't hate each other but it's probably too soon though. Literally 9 times out of 10 he's contacted me so I'm glad I've been strong in that regard. I've gone out and hung out with my friends and danced/talked to new people but nothing past that as I don't want anything AT ALL right now unless it was him unfortunately. But I don't want him calling all of the shots. I've been praying a lot and just want God to lead me on the right path, it just stinks when you're being hurt in the process, although I know it'll all work out in the end. In a way I am relieved that I'm not "tied down" in regards to making my next life decision. Not saying that I wouldn't mind considering someone else had me and this person still been together because I love him. I don't need a man and am happy doing things on my own but I still just miss him..I do feel like things are different with him but only time will tell. I saw that someone had mentioned I should get a horse and I really wish I could! But I'm in the process of becoming completely financially independent (my mom pays for my cell phone and car insurance but I'm taking that over since we're not getting along) and I wouldn't be able to afford it. Luckily I get lessons/get to barrel race my friend's horses when they have shows sometimes so that helps. I'm glad to hear there's a light at the end of the tunnel. Anyways, I appreciate all of the responses and will take it to heart. I'm doing better than I thought I'd be but still have those days where I completely break down and am a hot mess. Any other advice for getting myself out of this funk? In the mean time I'm gonna curl up with my mutt and go to sleep. He's the little sh** that ran off last year for 8 days.
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 Total Germophobe
Posts: 6437
Location: Montana | Hey there, I'm not much older than you (24), not sure about the "right one" feeling, but I can say I know how you feel and I want to offer you hugs. I'm not really good at romantic relationships, and I think more than anything so far it has been the luck of the draw, things just haven't worked out right. I've had a relationship where I've been with a guy that made all the right sense (right age, right religion, good family values, etc.) and wasn't in love. I had a relationship with a guy that ended in the fall of 2013 that only really began that spring, and it was really hard. I made the decision to end it and it literally broke my heart. It would have been a bad match if I'd have stayed, and at times I still miss him. I never cried so much over a man. Then I've had others where I think it would have been a good match, the guy I liked liked me, but his job sent him elsewhere before a relationship began to blossom or whatever.
And it is okay to grieve the loss of a relationship. It took me almost a year to get over the one that I loved but would have been a bad match. As someone else said, take time for yourself. Don't go looking for love or a relationship...it is actually kind of peaceful without a man, and if you got a horse again you'd have a lot more time for it than if you had a boyfriend. All, right, I'm trying to add humor, but it isn't working too good. Ha-ha. But also don't turn it down, either, if it finds you. Do what your guy says. And while you are grieving, chocolate doesn't hurt. :)
I honestly feel, God has the best thing in mind for you. You don't want to be with a person that is wrong for you. It would be more harmful than good. We all have the desire to love and be loved, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. One time when I was with the man I really loved I realized that loving something is wanting what is best for them, but it is a two way street. So find someone that wants what is best for you, and you for them. Love is also realizing that this person you have this emotion for is someone you want to spend the next 30 or 40 or 50 years with. And love isn't just an emotion, it is an action. Some days you may not "be in love" with that particular person, as that is an emotion and you might be angry with them that day, but you still "love" them. There is a Biblical term for it from the Greek languate, and that is "agape: Agape is selfless, sacrificial, unconditional love, the highest of the four types of love in the Bible."
Personally, I'm not a good one to be talking about this subject as I'm not currently in a relationship, but you aren't alone. Hugs to you, sleep it over, get a molten chocolate latte they just came out with at Starbucks (I kid you not, it is only available thru the 14th of Feb). I also think that this time of year (i.e. Valentine's Day) is kind of hard on singles (of which I am one), especially those who have recently become single. We don't fit into the status quo with the nice dates and flowers and that sort of thing. ETA: I have always felt it was harder with the commercialism geared to couples on Valentine's Day with the chocolates and the cards and the flowers and the dates and dinner out, like the whole commercial world is trying to say "you aren't enough if you are single" when the truth is YOU ARE ENOUGH before you have a relationship. I wasn't suggesting actual people, but more of the commercial aspect of it. It doesn't really matter, have fun and make sure those you love know it...your mom, dad, grandparents if they are still alive, siblings if you have any. I mean think of the people in the St. Valentine's Day Massacre, they were feeling really unloved! LOL.
So, cheer up, things will get better, and you'll find that right guy at the right time and place in your life. :)
Edited by mtcanchazer 2016-02-09 12:07 PM
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The Advice Guru
Posts: 6419
| mtcanchazer - 2016-02-08 10:41 PM
Hey there, I'm not much older than you (24), not sure about the "right one" feeling, but I can say I know how you feel and I want to offer you hugs. I'm not really good at romantic relationships, and I think more than anything so far it has been the luck of the draw, things just haven't worked out right. I've had a relationship where I've been with a guy that made all the right sense (right age, right religion, good family values, etc.) and wasn't in love. I had a relationship with a guy that ended in the fall of 2013 that only really began that spring, and it was really hard. I made the decision to end it and it literally broke my heart. It would have been a bad match if I'd have stayed, and at times I still miss him. I never cried so much over a man. Then I've had others where I think it would have been a good match, the guy I liked liked me, but his job sent him elsewhere before a relationship began to blossom or whatever.
And it is okay to grieve the loss of a relationship. It took me almost a year to get over the one that I loved but would have been a bad match. As someone else said, take time for yourself. Don't go looking for love or a relationship...it is actually kind of peaceful without a man, and if you got a horse again you'd have a lot more time for it than if you had a boyfriend. All, right, I'm trying to add humor, but it isn't working too good. Ha-ha. But also don't turn it down, either, if it finds you. Do what your guy says. And while you are grieving, chocolate doesn't hurt. :)
I honestly feel, God has the best thing in mind for you. You don't want to be with a person that is wrong for you. It would be more harmful than good. We all have the desire to love and be loved, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. One time when I was with the man I really loved I realized that loving something is wanting what is best for them, but it is a two way street. So find someone that wants what is best for you, and you for them. Love is also realizing that this person you have this emotion for is someone you want to spend the next 30 or 40 or 50 years with. And love isn't just an emotion, it is an action. Some days you may not "be in love" with that particular person, as that is an emotion and you might be angry with them that day, but you still "love" them. There is a Biblical term for it from the Greek languate, and that is "agape: Agape is selfless, sacrificial, unconditional love, the highest of the four types of love in the Bible." Personally, I'm not a good one to be talking about this subject as I'm not currently in a relationship, but you aren't alone. Hugs to you, sleep it over, get a molten chocolate latte they just came out with at Starbucks (I kid you not, it is only available thru the 14th of Feb). I also think that this time of year (i.e. Valentine's Day) is kind of hard on singles (of which I am one), especially those who have recently become single. We don't fit into the status quo with the nice dates and flowers and that sort of thing. It doesn't really matter, have fun and make sure those you love know it...your mom, dad, grandparents if they are still alive, siblings if you have any. I mean think of the people in the St. Valentine's Day Massacre, they were feeling really unloved! LOL.
So, cheer up, things will get better, and you'll find that right guy at the right time and place in your life. :)
Just going to comment on the Valentine's Day comment.
Not all couples celebrate Valentine's Day, it is just a way for businesses to make money.
If your husband, wife or significant other only makes you feel special on V day, you may want to rethink your relationship, you should feel special all days.
To me the best Valentine's Day present is a barrel race, this is what I will be doing.
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Warmblood with Wings
Posts: 27846
Location: Florida.. | LOL Im single and I dont feel left out at all !!! lol.. I chose to be single at this time and love it..I like to see the others enjoy the Valentines day but it doesnt make me sad at all. I enjoy my independance and doing what I please.. without answering to anyone or stressing over someone..women put to muhc of theirself into a man and lose theirself .. get over it move on and be happy.. you only have one life .... live it.......
Edited by Bibliafarm 2016-02-09 6:38 AM
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Veteran
Posts: 154
| I am married and Valentine's day this year will be a movie and a stop at the pizza joint with some girlfriends. My husband doesn't do movies and said he would feed my special needs horse- so we are having a girls night out. I will put something in the crockpot for my husband and I made him some special strawberries and a card. That is the extent of our Valentines Day.
Go out with some friends and do something fun | |
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Serious Snap Trapper
Posts: 4275
Location: In The Snow, AZ | Lol, after reading a few comments about Valentine's Day, I wanted to chime in... Hubby and I don't really CELEBRATE it, but it's a good excuse to have a nice dinner and some snuggle time. Granted, I think every night is a good night for that. We shouldn't need a "holiday" to recognize our love for each other, but sure, it's a good excuse.
Other than that, I don't see why being single on Valentine's Day matters. Valentine's Day is a commercialized holiday to get more business. So don't let one stinkin day make you feel bad. Shoot, get yourself a box of chocolates.
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Extreme Veteran
Posts: 312
Location: KS | Our Anniversary is 2 days before Valentines Day | |
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Shelter Dog Lover
Posts: 10277
| We don't make big deals out of any of the holidays. We both buy what we want all year. He is so good to me every single day that I am very low maintence as far as expecting surprises etc. He works long hard hours to provide, I have not had a job since having kids 27 years ago. He asked me last night what I wanted for valentines day -I told him I had it covered that I was looking for another horse since my favorite was just retired due to injury. | |
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 Three in a Bikini
Posts: 2035
| Yes. I knew from the moment we met... I even called my mom and told her I had found my future husband after our first date.
We have been together since that day and there has been no turning back. | |
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I Really Love Jeans
Posts: 3173
Location: North Dakota | You are at an age where you need to focus on building a future for yourself!! Get a masters degree or a teaching certificate or go to nursing school, nobody can EVER take an education from you!! Youg ladies always make the mistake of getting caught up in a relationship at such a young age and really loose themselves and never build a careeer or future. Then half of them end up divorced with no education or career to help themselves. NEVER depend on a man, only depend on you!! Forget relationships until you are 30, own your own home and have seen the world a time or two. Nurses make good money in some states, imagine how good it would feel to take care of YOU and not have to baby a man, because that is what a boyfriend or husband needs, to be babied!! Dust yourself off and really think about where you want to be in 5 years! Put all your effot into school, an exercise routine, and girlfriends and you will see that you are a better person for it!! No man is ready to get married in their early twenties, they all want to mess around! build a future for yourself girl!! | |
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Total Germophobe
Posts: 6437
Location: Montana | cheryl makofka - 2016-02-08 10:09 PM mtcanchazer - 2016-02-08 10:41 PM Hey there, I'm not much older than you (24), not sure about the "right one" feeling, but I can say I know how you feel and I want to offer you hugs. I'm not really good at romantic relationships, and I think more than anything so far it has been the luck of the draw, things just haven't worked out right. I've had a relationship where I've been with a guy that made all the right sense (right age, right religion, good family values, etc.) and wasn't in love. I had a relationship with a guy that ended in the fall of 2013 that only really began that spring, and it was really hard. I made the decision to end it and it literally broke my heart. It would have been a bad match if I'd have stayed, and at times I still miss him. I never cried so much over a man. Then I've had others where I think it would have been a good match, the guy I liked liked me, but his job sent him elsewhere before a relationship began to blossom or whatever.
And it is okay to grieve the loss of a relationship. It took me almost a year to get over the one that I loved but would have been a bad match. As someone else said, take time for yourself. Don't go looking for love or a relationship...it is actually kind of peaceful without a man, and if you got a horse again you'd have a lot more time for it than if you had a boyfriend. All, right, I'm trying to add humor, but it isn't working too good. Ha-ha. But also don't turn it down, either, if it finds you. Do what your guy says. And while you are grieving, chocolate doesn't hurt. :)
I honestly feel, God has the best thing in mind for you. You don't want to be with a person that is wrong for you. It would be more harmful than good. We all have the desire to love and be loved, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. One time when I was with the man I really loved I realized that loving something is wanting what is best for them, but it is a two way street. So find someone that wants what is best for you, and you for them. Love is also realizing that this person you have this emotion for is someone you want to spend the next 30 or 40 or 50 years with. And love isn't just an emotion, it is an action. Some days you may not "be in love" with that particular person, as that is an emotion and you might be angry with them that day, but you still "love" them. There is a Biblical term for it from the Greek languate, and that is "agape: Agape is selfless, sacrificial, unconditional love, the highest of the four types of love in the Bible." Personally, I'm not a good one to be talking about this subject as I'm not currently in a relationship, but you aren't alone. Hugs to you, sleep it over, get a molten chocolate latte they just came out with at Starbucks (I kid you not, it is only available thru the 14th of Feb). I also think that this time of year (i.e. Valentine's Day) is kind of hard on singles (of which I am one), especially those who have recently become single. We don't fit into the status quo with the nice dates and flowers and that sort of thing. It doesn't really matter, have fun and make sure those you love know it...your mom, dad, grandparents if they are still alive, siblings if you have any. I mean think of the people in the St. Valentine's Day Massacre, they were feeling really unloved! LOL.
So, cheer up, things will get better, and you'll find that right guy at the right time and place in your life. :) Just going to comment on the Valentine's Day comment. Not all couples celebrate Valentine's Day, it is just a way for businesses to make money. If your husband, wife or significant other only makes you feel special on V day, you may want to rethink your relationship, you should feel special all days. To me the best Valentine's Day present is a barrel race, this is what I will be doing.
I didn't say the thing about Valentine's Day to make anyone mad, I was just going off of what I feel and have felt in the past. I have always felt it was harder with the commercialism geared to couples on Valentine's Day with the chocolates and the cards and the flowers and the dates and dinner out, like the whole commercial world is trying to say "you aren't enough if you are single" when the truth is YOU ARE ENOUGH before you have a relationship. I wasn't suggesting actual people, but more of the commercial aspect of it. I'll edit to clarify. :)
Edited by mtcanchazer 2016-02-09 12:06 PM
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Red Bull Agressive
Posts: 5981
Location: North Dakota | I'm no expert, and I'm young too, but here's my 2 cents. There's a difference between loving someone and finding "the one". It sounds like you still have strong feelings for this guy, which is totally understandable! It'll probably suck for a while. But in my experience, nothing happens by accident. I'm not sure what your religious beliefs are, but I'm a Christian. And I belive wholeheartedly that God has a plan for us. Even if it's painful now, everything will work out in the end. If your recent bf truly is your soulmate, and you guys are meant to be, then somewhere down the road it'll work out. If not, then you go do you for a while. Don't worry about it and let your heart heal. When the time is right, the right one will come along.
I think for it to work out, the timing first has to be right. Also the person has to fit together with you. It's easy to get swept up, even for a few years in someone even though if you look at your core values, goals, etc. you don't really fit. Eventually that honeymoon phase is going to fizzle out some. That doesn't mean the passion has to be gone, but in the end you want a lover AND a best friend that truly is on your side. That will take care of you and has your back no matter what.
In my case, I found myself quite infatuated with many guys over the years (and had a few follow me around like lovesick puppies, but I didn't return the feelings they had). It wasn't until I met my current boyfriend that something felt....different. We worked together and the first time we had a real conversation I wouldn't say I had a crush on him but I felt sorta connected to him in a way. Over the year and a half we worked together I found myself thinking at random times "omg I have to tell Bret this", "man I wish Bret was here", etc. We were inseperable at work. I'm a very introverted, socially anxious person but I never ever ran out of things to talk with him about. He made me feel comfortable. I did not really feel the butterflies in the stomach, sweaty palms, heart palpitations though. After I left that job maybe 3 months later he contacted me on Facebook and we started talking. After like a month of that I finally asked him to meet up for dinner, just to catch up. Well gosh dang we didn't miss a beat. We sat and talked non stop for over 3 hours--until the restaurant closed for the night! He gave me a hug and we said goodnight and I felt the strangest feeling in the pit of my stomach. We continued hanging out for a solid month at least after that. Going to movies, he even met my whole family. I went from thinking maybe we were just meant to be friends to really thinking that was not the case. I wasn't sure if he liked me though. Then FINALLY one night he started acting really weird and had me thinking I was boring him to death or something. When finally he worked up the courage to ask me out. He's 24 and a tough guy but he was so gosh darn nervous it was just adorable. I said yes (of course) thinking we'd just see where this went. I fell in love more and more every day. I knew he made me laugh and was a true old fashioned gentleman before we dated, but I truly saw just how caring, sweet, and respectful he is once we were together. We share the same political and religious beliefs. We have the same goals for life, thoughts about children, all that. We have some similar interests and some very different ones. We're both respectful of the other person's interests and have been open to experiencing their "world" so to speak. The longer we are together, the more I find out about him, the more I want to spend the rest of my life with him, and he certainly has made it clear he feels similarly. So yeah, I think it's possible to know you've found the one, but I think it takes a while to get to that point.
Keep your chin up, enjoy the single life for a little while, and keep the faith that when it's meant to be, it's meant to be. You're not alone. We've all had troubles in love. Don't be too hard on yourself. 
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 Neat Freak
Posts: 11216
Location: Wonderful Wyoming | Three 4 Luck - 2016-02-08 6:15 AM I had just turned 29 when I met mine. And yes, we both knew pretty early that we were very compatible and wanted each other for a life partner. Yes, there were butterflies, but it wasn't any lightning strike, angels singing, great passionate love affair. It was more like coming home--someone who saw who I really was (rather than what he wanted me to be) and loved and treasured me anyway. After that, it's a choice of making things work through the hard stuff. You make the choice every day to stay and love this person even when you're not feeling in love with them.
Before that, I had a broken engagement from my on again/off again 3 times since high school should have known better than to try boyfriend, and a failed marriage to a verbally abusive alcoholic/gambling addict to my credit. I learned a lot from making mistakes in my 20s. LOL
compatible. I like that word. I am maybe jaded, but I don't believe in love at first sight. Not sure if I believe in "the one". I dated 1 guy seriously in HS and it ended badly. No relationship for some time and went to college. Met someone and we dated over a year and got married. Just seemed like the next step. I was 19, he was 20. Very very young. Too young. We will have been married 16 yrs in May. We have 2 kids, oldest is almost 8 so it's not like kids are what rushed us to get married.
I still want to throat punch him on a regular basis and I imagine I wear on him too. We are both very strong willed people and know what we want and will work to get it. It makes us butt heads often, but we both know had we married someone that was a yes person, we would take over them. So it works for us. We are compatible. You are still young, will probably get tired of hearing that. It sounds like your life is on track and it will get busy with a career. Before you know it a good guy will come along, maybe this same one that just left. Maturity changes everything. | |
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Expert
Posts: 1304
| Thanks guys! I'm taking everything each and every one of you say to heart. I'd reply to each comment but that's a lot,lol. I feel so good sometimes and on top, and the next I feel weak and just at the bottom. I'm slowly getting better and I'm just trying to focus on me! I feel like such a b**ch because of it but sometimes you just gotta do you. I know that sounds so ghetto,haha. I dream about buying a barrel horse and constantly stalk the BHW sale ads so that helps  I'm feeling better from you all's words of wisdom, thanks BHW buddies 
Edited by blccwgl55 2016-02-11 9:05 AM
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I just read the headlines
Posts: 4483
| Aww, sounds like you have a really good plan. I try not to do the advice thing because I know how blessed I am to have my husband, but I just wanted you to know he is out there for you, you just haven't found each other yet. Hugs | |
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 How freakish is that?
Posts: 3927
Location: Oregon | Get your Masters if it's free! Pick a program that will allow you to get a job that pays well. There is always time to join the work force, you'll never regret additional schooling but you will regret not taking advantage of a program that allows you to get an advanced degree for virtually no cost.
Forget the boy - cut off all contact. All that meeting up and being friends crap just drags out all the garbage and the length of time it takes to get over it. Tell him you've moved on or just block his calls, you don't owe him an explanation.
Finish your schooling, get a great job then you can afford a nice horse and truck and trailer and barrel race and be able to afford it. Much more fun that way. You'll meet the right guy when you least expect it and you'll know it when it happens. Hopefully when you're 30! :)
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