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| I'm second guessing myself today.
I have a friend I haul to shows quite often (she does not own a truck or trailer). For the most part we have a great time. However there are times when she throws a bit of a pout on when things don't go right in the ring. Usually I just ignore it. However this last weekend it was BAD. I mean pouting like a 3 year old that didn't get their way and lasted until probably a 1/2 hour into the 6 hour drive home. I was livid as was the other gal we were hanging and stalling with at the show.
I didn't bring it up as I wanted a peaceful drive home and then I waited 2 days to see if maybe she would realize how she behaved and apologize. She texted me yesterday like nothing was wrong. I decided I've had enough and sent her a private message on fb stating that her behavior at the show upset me and had me dreading the drive home. I told her that I go to these events for fun, personal goals and socializing and her behavior stressed me out. I also mentioned that I felt her melt down at the shows has more to do with her frustration with her personal life than the actual show and her horse(which is a whole other story).
Anyway I sent it yesterday afternoon and I'm 100% positive she's read it as she is on FB a lot. I haven't heard a peep from her which is also unusual as she does text me at least a couple times a day. We have been good friends the last couple years but I'm so tired of the drama between her personal life and this pouting on Sunday was a last straw.
Was I out of line? The other girl we chum with is backing me 100% on this. Thoughts? Do I just leave the ball in her court for now and let her mull it over and wait for her to respond? |
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Miracle in the Making
Posts: 4013
| nope but u might have a face to face heart to heart talk for on down the line
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Extreme Veteran
Posts: 477
Location: IA | Its your rig, and she's probably embarassed. If you wanted to send another message that she is still welcome to travel with you, but needs to keep the pouting limited (we have a 5 minute rule in our trailer, just because the kids are young and highly competitive) and enjoy the time.
But she could be embarassed for getting called out on it.
Either way, in my trailer, you get 5 minutes to be upset, and then get on with life. That's generally more time than it took for whatever to actually happen, and sure makes for much more fun travels!! |
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I just read the headlines
Posts: 4483
| Nope you were not out of line and yes the ball is in her court, let her mull it over and see what happens. Just don't stew over it, you said your piece. |
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 Extreme Veteran
Posts: 595
Location: North Dakota | I think you were right to say something but I probably wouldn't have done it through facebook. |
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 Cute Little Imp
Posts: 2747
Location: N Texas | Definitely not out of line. A lot of people don't realize just how bad they're acting. I know a gal who is NOT fun AT ALL to be around if her runs don't go as well as she wants. I'm like you, I go for fun and leave the drama out of it. She was probably taken aback by being called out because she's probably used to acting that way without anyone saying anything. She's either miffed at you for saying something, or she's too embarrassed to talk to you.
It's good that you said something because it would just keep getting worse and you would start to dread going to barrel races. Some people need a reality check, so I say you did her a favor.
Edited by Gunner11 2016-09-28 2:25 PM
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 BHW Resident Surgeon
Posts: 25352
Location: Bastrop, Texas | No, it doesn't sound like you were out of line. In my opinion, though, I think a direct verbal conversation is a better approach. We are all guilty of relying too much on written communication these days, be it texting, emailing, or messaging. I think your chances of salvaging a friendship are better that way. Then again, maybe you are better off.
Who knows? |
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 Owner of a ratting catting machine
Posts: 2258
| This is why I never haul with anyone. I can pout all I please and not **** anybody off. |
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 Popped
Posts: 20421
Location: LuluLand~along I64 Indiana | pointing it out was one thing but did you do it in a way that she now feels unwelcome? is that what you were wanting was to run her off, or did you want her attitude to improve when she travels with you. you have no idea in what context she took your comments.
do you take personal criticism well? most of us dont and want to get ****ed at the one telling us the hurtful truth. |
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Owner of a ratting catting machine
Posts: 2258
| luluwhit - 2016-09-28 3:30 PM
pointing it out was one thing but did you do it in a way that she now feels unwelcome? is that what you were wanting was to run her off, or did you want her attitude to improve when she travels with you. you have no idea in what context she took your comments.
do you take personal criticism well? most of us dont and want to get ****ed at the one telling us the hurtful truth.
Right.
A face to face conversation, that went, "You know I love you, but you were being a huge baby over the weekend. I hope you understand that your attitude made for an uncomfortable ride home and experience at the race. Is there something I can help with?", probably wouldn't have burned any bridges... |
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 I Want a "MAN"
Posts: 3610
Location: MD | classicpotatochip - 2016-09-28 3:34 PM luluwhit - 2016-09-28 3:30 PM pointing it out was one thing but did you do it in a way that she now feels unwelcome? is that what you were wanting was to run her off, or did you want her attitude to improve when she travels with you. you have no idea in what context she took your comments.
do you take personal criticism well? most of us dont and want to get ****ed at the one telling us the hurtful truth. Right. A face to face conversation, that went, "You know I love you, but you were being a huge baby over the weekend. I hope you understand that your attitude made for an uncomfortable ride home and experience at the race. Is there something I can help with?", probably wouldn't have burned any bridges...
This. If it were me I would call her or text her and say I'm sorry I hope I didn't hurt your feelings I was just frustrated and figured you would have contacted me about the incident before I did. Messaging you was just my first instinct. |
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| Thanks everyone.
I sent her a private written message first as I get very tongue tied when dealing with confrontation and then I probably would have said something I regretted or that might damage the friendship beyond repair. I took my time and wrote out a heartfelt note and mulled it over and edited it about 5 times as well as had another very good friend review it first to make sure it didn't come across in a hurtful burning bridges way.
I'm going to give it another day or two for her to reach out to me, if she doesn't I'll send another note like CE's wrapn3 suggested.
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 A Somebody to Everybody
Posts: 41354
Location: Under The Big Sky Of Texas | I would not have done this over facebook or text's, I would have talked to her face to face, texting or facebooking you cant get out what your trying to say and it can come out sounding all wrong and hurtful. But I dont facebook are text so I may be wrong, but to me the best way to try and fix a problem is doing it in person. |
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 Ms. Elvis
Posts: 9606
Location: Running barrels or watching nascar | She may be fighting a battle you don't know about. I think a written message is better than a verbal one, it's what I'd be comfortable with. Some people won't open up if confronted verbally. Don't be harsh though. You don't know what else might be going on. She probably needs things to go right in the ring or else. |
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 Horsey Gene Carrier
Posts: 1888
Location: LaBelle, Florida | When I am with someone I consider a friend, I'm pretty blunt.
I would have said something along the lines of 'suck it up buttercup' and 'move on'.
I have like ONE friend and she would say the same thing to me as well. |
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Expert
Posts: 1695
Location: Willows, CA | Remember the Chris LeDoux song
"We've got a $5 fine for whining, we'll tell you before you come in. If it's not on you mind to have a good time, you just come back and see us again." |
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Meanest Teacher!!!
Posts: 8555
Location: sunny california | too bad she doesn't have her won rig so she doesn't have to put you out. |
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 Expert
Posts: 1612
Location: Cocoa, Florida | I argue and bicker with my best friend and hauler partner a lot too, we do things very differently and I've found that the most effective way to do things is nip it in the butt when it happens or on the ride home, don't let things boil up inside you, it just creates more anger and stress. Try talking about it when it happens face to face and just be kind with your words. If it gets to the point where you can't stand it anymore after you've addressed it, then maybe it's time to find a new hauling partner. |
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Industrial Srength Barrel Racer
Posts: 7268
| classicpotatochip - 2016-09-28 3:08 PM
This is why I never haul with anyone. I can pout all I please and not **** anybody off.
AMEN!!! Reason # 26545165 I don't haul with anybody. I don't need that chit!
I'd tell the whiney baby get get her own ****ed truck and trailer!  |
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 I hate cooking and cleaning
Posts: 3314
Location: Jersey Girl | I don't think you were out of line, however, if this is a good friend of yours I would have done it face to face or at least called her about it. I think its too easy for people in todays world to hide behind keyboards instead of dealing with issues directly. JMO |
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 Accident Prone
Posts: 22277
Location: 100 miles from Nowhere, AR | classicpotatochip - 2016-09-28 3:08 PM
This is why I never haul with anyone. I can pout all I please and not **** anybody off.
Haha! I was thinking the same thing because last time I entered I cried from the moment I got back to the trailer almost all the way home. And I refused to answer my phone. But my day really was that horrible.  |
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 Undercover Amish Mafia Member
Posts: 9992
Location: Kansas | I prefer to haul alone for this reason, I wouldn't be able to handle dealing with someone who is ****y because they didn't win.
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 The Worst Seller Ever
Posts: 4138
Location: Oklahoma | I haul with a lot of ropers. They deal with bad run, calfs, horse issues a ton different to barrel racers. They get mad and stay mad for at least 12 hours. LOL And we all know man fits are way worse than any girl fit. It really bothered me at first, but after dealing with it and realizing it is just how they deal with the disappointment in themselves I learned to leave it alone. They will cuss anything from their horse, to the contractor, to you for being bad luck. LOL Then eventually they come around in their thinking and just get back to work on what they need to improve on.
If you consider this girl a good friend and still want her company, then leave it alone. Turn up the radio, sing real loud, and ignore her until she comes out of her funk. If you are hauling with someone else, just ignore her maybe give a couple words of support, and let her cope in her own way.
Yes it is your rig, but that doesn't mean she shoudl feel uncomfortable with being disappointed, maybe she spent her last dollar to try to go have fun and it was a major let down? You never know. |
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I just read the headlines
Posts: 4483
| clover girl - 2016-09-29 8:26 AM
I haul with a lot of ropers. They deal with bad run, calfs, horse issues a ton different to barrel racers. They get mad and stay mad for at least 12 hours. LOL And we all know man fits are way worse than any girl fit. It really bothered me at first, but after dealing with it and realizing it is just how they deal with the disappointment in themselves I learned to leave it alone. They will cuss anything from their horse, to the contractor, to you for being bad luck. LOL Then eventually they come around in their thinking and just get back to work on what they need to improve on.
If you consider this girl a good friend and still want her company, then leave it alone. Turn up the radio, sing real loud, and ignore her until she comes out of her funk. If you are hauling with someone else, just ignore her maybe give a couple words of support, and let her cope in her own way.
Yes it is your rig, but that doesn't mean she shoudl feel uncomfortable with being disappointed, maybe she spent her last dollar to try to go have fun and it was a major let down? You never know.
Huh, hadn't thought about the situation from that perspective. Good advice, better than what I said. Thanks for sharing. |
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 Expert
Posts: 3815
Location: The best kept secret in TX | clover girl - 2016-09-29 8:26 AM I haul with a lot of ropers. They deal with bad run, calfs, horse issues a ton different to barrel racers. They get mad and stay mad for at least 12 hours. LOL And we all know man fits are way worse than any girl fit. It really bothered me at first, but after dealing with it and realizing it is just how they deal with the disappointment in themselves I learned to leave it alone. They will cuss anything from their horse, to the contractor, to you for being bad luck. LOL Then eventually they come around in their thinking and just get back to work on what they need to improve on.
If you consider this girl a good friend and still want her company, then leave it alone. Turn up the radio, sing real loud, and ignore her until she comes out of her funk. If you are hauling with someone else, just ignore her maybe give a couple words of support, and let her cope in her own way.
Yes it is your rig, but that doesn't mean she shoudl feel uncomfortable with being disappointed, maybe she spent her last dollar to try to go have fun and it was a major let down? You never know.
LOL If this whole thing isn't true I don't know what is. Good advice for helping her out of her funk as well.
Ropers are exactly how you described. My friend once blamed me for changing the color of my sports boots. It distracted him and so he missed.... Said he never got a chance to practice with me with my bright boots on so it made him miss.  |
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The Worst Seller Ever
Posts: 4138
Location: Oklahoma | IRunOnFaith - 2016-09-29 9:54 AM clover girl - 2016-09-29 8:26 AM I haul with a lot of ropers. They deal with bad run, calfs, horse issues a ton different to barrel racers. They get mad and stay mad for at least 12 hours. LOL And we all know man fits are way worse than any girl fit. It really bothered me at first, but after dealing with it and realizing it is just how they deal with the disappointment in themselves I learned to leave it alone. They will cuss anything from their horse, to the contractor, to you for being bad luck. LOL Then eventually they come around in their thinking and just get back to work on what they need to improve on.
If you consider this girl a good friend and still want her company, then leave it alone. Turn up the radio, sing real loud, and ignore her until she comes out of her funk. If you are hauling with someone else, just ignore her maybe give a couple words of support, and let her cope in her own way.
Yes it is your rig, but that doesn't mean she shoudl feel uncomfortable with being disappointed, maybe she spent her last dollar to try to go have fun and it was a major let down? You never know. LOL If this whole thing isn't true I don't know what is. Good advice for helping her out of her funk as well.
Ropers are exactly how you described. My friend once blamed me for changing the color of my sports boots. It distracted him and so he missed.... Said he never got a chance to practice with me with my bright boots on so it made him miss.
Edited by clover girl 2016-09-29 12:57 PM
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Was I out of line?