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Extreme Veteran
Posts: 520
| I can't be the only one. It is just such a stressful time of year for me. All of our family is out of state, so usually means being away for week between visiting my family then my husbands, which means leaving the animals with a sitter. Then I just worry about bad weather, what if the sitter can't get here if it snows. And of course looks like its going to rain while we are gone... I have two horse's blanketed that will need to be put in if it rains hard. The one horse is a pssm horse and won't be getting exercised which adds to the stress.
I just hate the holiday itself. Its just give me give me give me. This is not the reason behind the holiday. I am completely fine giving presents to the children, but I really wish we would stop with the presents for the adults. Its just spending money on presents I can't really afford, then giving them to people like my father in law that will just open it look at it and set it aside no matter how hard to try to get him something he might like.
I guess I am just being selfish. I just want to stay home relax and enjoy my animals. I am already having migraines, dizzy spells, heart burn, my face is broken out ugh |
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I just read the headlines
Posts: 4483
  
| I am trying to get both sides of my family to quit giving gifts to the adults. We have so much fun just visiting and having a good meal. To me that is the gift. I know it would be nice to not have to travel to different families every holiday, but after losing my beloved Mother in law a few weeks ago, I realize it is just a matter of time until we won't have my parents and FIL around. Hugs to you and good wishes sent you way.  |
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 A Somebody to Everybody
Posts: 41354
 
Location: Under The Big Sky Of Texas | Thats so sad that the Hoildays have you feeling this way, but think of it this way its just once a year and just a few days out of your life you do this.. Me I just buy gifts for all my Grandkids and give gift card's to my grown boys and their wifes so they can get what they really want and this way I dont feel like I wasted money on something they dont like. And on my husbands parents we get them eatable things like a fruit basket, cookie basket, things they can eat and enjoy..We use to travel to family in our younger days for the Holidays but since my parents have passed its not the same anymore, so enjoy what you have now.. |
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 Shelter Dog Lover
Posts: 10277
| We just do the kids and I said no more traveling years ago. |
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Extreme Veteran
Posts: 520
| I think I would enjoy it more if it was just getting together and not all the gift giving. I am just extra stressed this year having my visit my husband's family. Just a lot of drama and tension there. They had said some extremely insulting things about me, lied to us, and my husband's step dad said some pretty nasty things about him, when my husband said something to his mother about it, we of course we the bad guys and she didn't speak to us for months. It is still our fault of course, and we are on speaking terms again, basically they are pretending it never happened but no apologies were ever said. |
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  Ms. Marine
Posts: 4641
Location: Texas | I'm sorry that you feel that way about Christmas... I personally really enjoy the TRUE meaning of Christmas. Presents have never really been a big thing in my family. I grew up with very little money so I learned to be very thankful for anything that was given to me. There were many years that my family didn't have anything under the tree because we couldn't afford anything. I really just cherish having my family and loved ones around me. |
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I just read the headlines
Posts: 4483
| Buckles - 2016-12-10 11:39 AM
I think I would enjoy it more if it was just getting together and not all the gift giving. I am just extra stressed this year having my visit my husband's family. Just a lot of drama and tension there. They had said some extremely insulting things about me, lied to us, and my husband's step dad said some pretty nasty things about him, when my husband said something to his mother about it, we of course we the bad guys and she didn't speak to us for months. It is still our fault of course, and we are on speaking terms again, basically they are pretending it never happened but no apologies were ever said.
Something similar happened to me. I had to learn to forgive him and let it go. Was NOT easy, but I did it. I have not forgotten, but I didn't want to deal with drama and that seemed to be the only way to move on. Once I decided to forgive, I felt the weight lift and a kind of peace. You both need to just decide what is best for your relationship and go that. Maybe don't travel at Christmas, but wait for a better time when you don't have to worry about the animals and weather, and then visit.
I am going to tell everyone this Christmas that next year I am only buying for the children. The rest of the family can do what they want gift wise and so will I. I bet they will be relieved to have the decision made for them and not buy for us. |
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Extreme Veteran
Posts: 520
| GLP - 2016-12-10 12:08 PM
Buckles - 2016-12-10 11:39 AM
I think I would enjoy it more if it was just getting together and not all the gift giving. I am just extra stressed this year having my visit my husband's family. Just a lot of drama and tension there. They had said some extremely insulting things about me, lied to us, and my husband's step dad said some pretty nasty things about him, when my husband said something to his mother about it, we of course we the bad guys and she didn't speak to us for months. It is still our fault of course, and we are on speaking terms again, basically they are pretending it never happened but no apologies were ever said.
Something similar happened to me. I had to learn to forgive him and let it go. Was NOT easy, but I did it. I have not forgotten, but I didn't want to deal with drama and that seemed to be the only way to move on. Once I decided to forgive, I felt the weight lift and a kind of peace. You both need to just decide what is best for your relationship and go that. Maybe don't travel at Christmas, but wait for a better time when you don't have to worry about the animals and weather, and then visit.
I am going to tell everyone this Christmas that next year I am only buying for the children. The rest of the family can do what they want gift wise and so will I. I bet they will be relieved to have the decision made for them and not buy for us.
I sure won't forget about it, I have a feeling we will be always walking on eggshells with them. Its a very very odd relationship with his family anyways. My husband's mother and his father (now her ex) are on much closer terms than either one are to my husband. Always has been like that.
I think this year just has to be the last year for presents, its just too much for us. Just between the sitter and gas money for our truck, usually costs us $500 for a trip. Add presents on top of it and we are pretty strained. My family was talking about coming closer to here next year and doing thanksgiving and Christmas celebration at the same time. We of course will still have to travel for my husband's family, but will still be less stressful that traveling 10 hours to one state then 4 hours right to another state after that. |
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 Strong Willed Woman
Posts: 6577
Location: Prosser, WA | You two just need to get backbones and figure out what works best for you and do it. It's not Christmas that is bad it is how your decisions on Christmas are affecting you. If you can't afford it, don't spend so much. Only give gifts to the kids or set a budget and stick to it for presents. Maybe take turns which family to go to each year. I've never understood why people stress themselves out over something that should be fun. If someone tries to give you grief about your decisions just say this is what we decided and we are sticking to it. Most people will eventually get over it. Good luck and hopefully you can find a way to enjoy it. |
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 Ms. Elvis
Posts: 9606
Location: Running barrels or watching nascar | You're not the only one. |
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 Reaching for the stars....
Posts: 12708
| I love the season, the holiday's, the decorations!
The hubb and I simplified our gift giving routines many eons ago. No kids - one present to each other.
A few years ago I learned how to decorate a very tasty cookie recipe and I send out many, many of these (400 this year) to my friends and family. It's expensive in time, but it's not a big pressure to match anyone else in $$$'s spent. As I decorate each cookie I'm thinking about good friends and good times. Christmas cookie time has become my therapy!
I do understand the over commercialization of Christmas and how that has damaged it's real meaning. Long before Christianity this time of the year was celebrated for the ending of one year and the beginning of the light for a new year. |
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 Take a Picture
Posts: 12841
| I am sorry that you feel that way. My mother was killed in an automobile accident on December 21, 49 years ago. Christmas is difficult but I love Christmas. The way I handle it is to give to others. Some I do not even know. I had inlaws who were not the easiest to get along with but I dealt with it. I am so blessed on a daily basis that giving back one day out of the year is a tiny price. |
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 I Don't Brag
Posts: 6960
| I find myself dreading it more and more as the years pass. starting with trying to carry on some kind of Christmas Spirit when my husband turned in to a raging Scrooge starting before out anniversary in October, getting worse each day until Christmas morning when he would greet me with a bright and happy "Merry Christmas!" By then I wanted to punch him in BOTH eyes. While I spent time stressing over his selfish daughter and his step daughter, cleaning, decorating, baking, cooking (all by my self), turns out HE was stressed out thinking that I wanted some big, extravagant gift. I finally gave him a free pass and begged him to just not get crabby, that would the best gift he could get me.
I do end up enjoying the family visit but the past 16 years have been spent with him trying to make me feel guilty for NOT going to his daughter's just down the road since I final got wise and cut her out of my life. She was 30 at the time and disrespected me beyond disrespect after all my years of bending over backwards to lease and accommodate her and her dad), while he watched and eventually said that I had it coming!
I come from a large family so gift giving can be a burden and we all pretty much agree to focus on the kids. For my siblings and adult nieces and nephews I have found that something to eat is always well received. When we had a booming business we would give gift cards to a restaurant, before that, I baked. These days I plant a garden and can lots of extra, so that is what they get an seem to really appreciate. It is time consuming but takes the pressure off the holiday season.
One of the best ideas I have heard is a family that only gives things that they have made themselves.....this rings true to the season for me.
Hugs to all my Holiday dreaders out there!!  |
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"Heck's Coming With Me"
Posts: 10797
Location: Kansas | I stopped enjoying Christmas when my brothers and sisters retreated into celebrating with their own families. It was headed that way anyway and when mom died that was the end of it. |
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 618
| Wow just WOW. No one understands dysfunctional family dynamics more than me but to say you hate Christmas??? You should really 're-evaluate what Christmas means. |
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Regular
Posts: 95
| No, it's not Christmas you hate. That's just the excuse for the hate. Why hate? Why that choice? Well I know why, you already told us. Every day is the same for me. Circumstances and emotions vary sure, but all in all I am thankful for each one I get alive and everything/everyone that I choose to have around me. Everything really is your choice. I wish you the best! |
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 Cute Little Imp
Posts: 2747
Location: N Texas | Buckles - 2016-12-10 11:39 AM
I think I would enjoy it more if it was just getting together and not all the gift giving. I am just extra stressed this year having my visit my husband's family. Just a lot of drama and tension there. They had said some extremely insulting things about me, lied to us, and my husband's step dad said some pretty nasty things about him, when my husband said something to his mother about it, we of course we the bad guys and she didn't speak to us for months. It is still our fault of course, and we are on speaking terms again, basically they are pretending it never happened but no apologies were ever said.
Yeah, I definitely wouldn't be spending my hard-earned money on ungrateful jerks who think so little of me. If my in-laws had done things like that, hubby would be visiting them by himself, my butt would be sitting at home!
You are not required to put yourself through that. |
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A Somebody to Everybody
Posts: 41354
Location: Under The Big Sky Of Texas | iloveequine40 - 2016-12-11 9:45 AM Wow just WOW. No one understands dysfunctional family dynamics more than me but to say you hate Christmas??? You should really 're-evaluate what Christmas means.
This all the way^^^^ its not Christmas that some of you hate, its the way you are spending it, if this is the way you feel then change what you are doing.. Christmas is the best thing at the end of a year.. |
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 Poor Cracker Girl
Posts: 12150
Location: Feeding mosquitos, FL | I feel your pain.
My husband and I are the only ones who live away from both sides of the family, his and mine, plus we have no kids. So we always have to travel. That's usually fine - I'm lucky to have great friends who are willing to feed my horses for me just about any time and my dogs travel great.
But the scheduling is a bear. We have to fit three large family celebrations plus Christmas with his immediate family into three, maybe four, days every single year. This year is especially bad. The family members don't seem to get that we can't just load up and drive eight hours two weekends in a row so NO you can't schedule the celebration the weekend before Christmas. And then to be told that I'm just being really selfish by not coming down and celebrating with the family on December 18th! Sorry not sorry ya'll - I have to impose on my friends to feed for me, pack up my dogs, drive down, and sleep on somebodys couch to make an appearance. You have to walk down three whole houses or maybe drive a whole 45 minutes. Who's the selfish one here?
Wow. That got bitter.
Anyway, I feel your pain. We usually come home exhausted, fat, and grumpy only to have to get up and go to work the next day. It's still worth it (mostly because my family is awesome!) but sometimes I wonder. Luckily, my husband is totally ok with missing out on one of his family Christmas' celebrations this year and hasn't put any pressure on me to make it happen. He's a wonderful sainted human being. That's really been the trick to getting through Christmas with our sanity intact - we've agreed to do only the things we can actually get to, only buy the presents we can afford, and the rest of it can go hang. It would be nice to do more, buy more, etc. etc. but we've finally recognized our limits. |
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 Too Skinny
Posts: 8009
Location: LA Lower Alabama | We tried the Christmas with his family this year and mine the next but realized real quick it was too much trouble. We give cards with a family photo of us and don't expect anything in return. There is a lot of divorce on my side of the family so they do Dirty Santa and only buy for kids 18 and under that are still in school. We don't let it stress us out because if it did I would stop going Anywhere and do just us and be fine. Hang in there. Even if you don't believe you can make up your own reason for the season. |
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 Owner of a ratting catting machine
Posts: 2258
| I'm definitely a Scrooge. . My husbands family can be really tough on him and I hate bullies, I have a hard time keeping my mouth shut and not being angry for the rest of the day. I don't get to see my family at all since they're 24 hours away and I really just don't get enough time off work to make the full trip. I miss them lots. Christmas has never truly been about the religious aspect for either of our families, so that's kind out as a basic meaning to draw back on.
Christmas sucks for me and plenty of others because it brings home the disappointments of change. Those of us that have experienced wonderful Christmas's really get kicked in the balls this time of year knowing that it will never be like it was again.
I will say that I have a little stepkid, and she's just getting to be the age where Christmas is a huge deal, so that's been fun this year planning and decorating for her, but we only get her every other year, and she lives 20 hours away.
So yep, honestly, in the big picture, I'd rather just stay at work. |
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 Expert
Posts: 2128
| My family decided a couple of years ago that the adults were no longer buying for each other. We buy a dirty santa gift for the big family gatherings and otherwise just buy for the small kids that are in our immediate family (our kids, first cousins). I tell you, it has made Christmas so much more enjoyable to me. I dont spend the season stressing over what to buy. I think Christmas has become so commercialized. I really dont see how a lot of people afford to buy nice gifts for so many people. Some friends of ours buy 37 gifts. They dont have children, that is just for their relatives. Nice gifts at that. I focus more on the experience of Chistmas now. The decor, going to see lights and nativity displays, watching Christmas movies with family, having dinner together, remembering the REAL reason for the season. :)
Edited by scwebster 2016-12-12 10:34 AM
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Cute Little Imp
Posts: 2747
Location: N Texas | scwebster - 2016-12-12 10:32 AM
My family decided a couple of years ago that the adults were no longer buying for each other. We buy a dirty santa gift for the big family gatherings and otherwise just buy for the small kids that are in our immediate family (our kids, first cousins). I tell you, it has made Christmas so much more enjoyable to me. I dont spend the season stressing over what to buy. I think Christmas has become so commercialized. I really dont see how a lot of people afford to buy nice gifts for so many people. Some friends of ours buy 37 gifts. They dont have children, that is just for their relatives. Nice gifts at that. I focus more on the experience of Chistmas now. The decor, going to see lights and nativity displays, watching Christmas movies with family, having dinner together, remembering the REAL reason for the season. :)
We used to do that, everyone buy gifts for everyone else. It got to be so ridiculous how much money we were spending. For my side of the family, everyone buys for the kids and the adults draw names, so we only have to buy for one adult each. On my husband's side, we buy for all the kids and the adults do a white elephant gift exchange, so only one present per person there too. Makes it WAY less stressful and we save a ton of money. It's also great because you can get one or two nice things instead of a bunch of cheap stuff, you don't feel bad if some random family member shows up and you haven't bought them anything, and family members who can't afford to buy a bunch of stuff don't feel inadequate or left out. |
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Expert
Posts: 2128
| Gunner11 - 2016-12-12 11:01 AM scwebster - 2016-12-12 10:32 AM My family decided a couple of years ago that the adults were no longer buying for each other. We buy a dirty santa gift for the big family gatherings and otherwise just buy for the small kids that are in our immediate family (our kids, first cousins). I tell you, it has made Christmas so much more enjoyable to me. I dont spend the season stressing over what to buy. I think Christmas has become so commercialized. I really dont see how a lot of people afford to buy nice gifts for so many people. Some friends of ours buy 37 gifts. They dont have children, that is just for their relatives. Nice gifts at that. I focus more on the experience of Chistmas now. The decor, going to see lights and nativity displays, watching Christmas movies with family, having dinner together, remembering the REAL reason for the season. :) We used to do that, everyone buy gifts for everyone else. It got to be so ridiculous how much money we were spending. For my side of the family, everyone buys for the kids and the adults draw names, so we only have to buy for one adult each. On my husband's side, we buy for all the kids and the adults do a white elephant gift exchange, so only one present per person there too. Makes it WAY less stressful and we save a ton of money. It's also great because you can get one or two nice things instead of a bunch of cheap stuff, you don't feel bad if some random family member shows up and you haven't bought them anything, and family members who can't afford to buy a bunch of stuff don't feel inadequate or left out.
Its def the way to go! |
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 Balance Beam and more...
Posts: 11511
Location: 31 lengths farms | Christmas used to be my favorite time of year, my mom's too. For our family Stockings were the big deal. Mom always made a big deal about them even though it was usually snacks and neccessary stuff in your stockings , underwear, socks. etc. The mantle over the fire place was her big decoration deal and the stockings were part of that. Even the adult "children" still got stockings at mom's house. I tried to continue that tradition when mom started having some advance dementia issues but the Christmas night of 2013 mom had a stroke. It was a weird silent type of one, she had been sitting in her chair talking with all of us, I would get her up and get her dressed for bed and tuck her in as I headed off to bed. As I went to help get her dressed I noticed her left hand and asked her if she could move it, she said "yes I can move it!" and took her right hand to lift it off her lap. No slur of speach, no sag of her mouth, nothing but her left side was totally involved. Ambulance ride to the hospital and 4 days in the hospital then permanent residence in a facility. Mom passed away July of 2015, her birthday was December 4th and lets just say the whole of December is pretty well wasted on me . This year has been even harder than last year I think.
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Shelter Dog Lover
Posts: 10277
| Buckles - 2016-12-10 11:39 AM I think I would enjoy it more if it was just getting together and not all the gift giving. I am just extra stressed this year having my visit my husband's family. Just a lot of drama and tension there. They had said some extremely insulting things about me, lied to us, and my husband's step dad said some pretty nasty things about him, when my husband said something to his mother about it, we of course we the bad guys and she didn't speak to us for months. It is still our fault of course, and we are on speaking terms again, basically they are pretending it never happened but no apologies were ever said.
I feel your pain. After a couple of years of loading up 4 kids, getting presents there without them seeing them, then having my MIL not even get up to watch them open gifts I said no more traveling. A few years after that I told my husband I was done trying with her and was not going to subject myself to her behavior towards me. He has talked to her but it did no good, he understood and did not have a problem with it. He and the kids will travel to go see her, I stay home and care for the animals. On occasions where we are brought together I am respectful, always have a smile and we politely visit, life is good. Live life on your terms without being hateful, you can choose a better way that works for you. |
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Nut Case Expert
Posts: 9305
Location: Tulsa, Ok | Christmas is a hard time for family. My mother-in-law passed away early in the morning on Christmas several years ago. We knew it was going to happen and had spent Christmas Eve at her bedside. We quickly ran home to feed and do chores. We pulled the stalled horses out and put them on the walker. My young barrel horse, showing amazing potential and a horse of a lifetime, jumped and kicked, landed wrong and compound fractured his leg at the hock. Once we finally found a vet to put him down, we had to leave his body lying and get back to my MIL. My husband spend Christmas morning burying my horse after the funeral home picked up his mother. How could I cry over my horse when my husband had lost his mother. All in all the single worst day or our life together. |
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Balance Beam and more...
Posts: 11511
Location: 31 lengths farms | I feel your pain SC Wrangler...  Doesn't seem to lessen with the years either. |
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Red Bull Agressive
Posts: 5981
Location: North Dakota | Be thankful you have family to go see. Most of my extended family has passed or is estranged. |
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 Coyote Country Queen
Posts: 5666
| I finally decided that I wasn't going to sacrifice my family's needs to satisfy other people. Not just at holidays, but all of the time. We get stressed out trying to make it to every event/invite, and by the time we load up to make the drive to town everyone is grumpy and then exhausted at the end of the day. That sure doesn't make for much fun! I know that I've upset people by making this decision, but I'm not going to wear my kids out trying to please the family members that want to spend time with them. My new philosophy is that if it works for us to be there, we'll go. If not, we won't. I could go into a long rant of all the hoops I've jumped through for family members, or all of the negativity I've gotten for not doing things how they want. But really all I'm going to say is that your responsibility is to your family (spouse and children) and you need to do what is best for you. The other people in your life will either respect your decision and be appreciative of the things you are able to do, or they won't. Either way, you and your family will be happy, and ultimately that's what you need to be concerned about. |
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 My Heart Be Happy
Posts: 9159
Location: Arkansas | run n rate - 2016-12-12 11:48 AM
Christmas used to be my favorite time of year, my mom's too. For our family Stockings were the big deal. Mom always made a big deal about them even though it was usually snacks and neccessary stuff in your stockings , underwear, socks. etc. The mantle over the fire place was her big decoration deal and the stockings were part of that. Even the adult "children" still got stockings at mom's house. I tried to continue that tradition when mom started having some advance dementia issues but the Christmas night of 2013 mom had a stroke. It was a weird silent type of one, she had been sitting in her chair talking with all of us, I would get her up and get her dressed for bed and tuck her in as I headed off to bed. As I went to help get her dressed I noticed her left hand and asked her if she could move it, she said "yes I can move it!" and took her right hand to lift it off her lap. No slur of speach, no sag of her mouth, nothing but her left side was totally involved. Ambulance ride to the hospital and 4 days in the hospital then permanent residence in a facility. Mom passed away July of 2015, her birthday was December 4th and lets just say the whole of December is pretty well wasted on me . This year has been even harder than last year I think.
Bless you RNR, this year is a tough one for us too. Chris' birthday was Nov 15, then Thanksgiving, now staring Christmas straight on. . . . A week and a half ago, Chandler got all 4 of his wisdom teeth cut out. He got in the shower, and when he got out he was almost gasping he was crying so hard. I thought he was hurting and I just kept asking what, where are your hurting, what's wrong. I was so afraid he was going to start bleeding and I wouldn't be able to stop it. Finally he just said "my father." I lost it totally. He told me some things that he worries and thinks about that just break my heart. And I know the holidays are playing a big role. So I understand how you feel. Many prayers for the season to get better for all those that are hurting and have missing family members. |
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My Heart Be Happy
Posts: 9159
Location: Arkansas | SC Wrangler - 2016-12-12 1:49 PM
Christmas is a hard time for family. My mother-in-law passed away early in the morning on Christmas several years ago. We knew it was going to happen and had spent Christmas Eve at her bedside. We quickly ran home to feed and do chores. We pulled the stalled horses out and put them on the walker. My young barrel horse, showing amazing potential and a horse of a lifetime, jumped and kicked, landed wrong and compound fractured his leg at the hock. Once we finally found a vet to put him down, we had to leave his body lying and get back to my MIL. My husband spend Christmas morning burying my horse after the funeral home picked up his mother. How could I cry over my horse when my husband had lost his mother. All in all the single worst day or our life together.
I believe that is the saddest thing I've ever heard. Such tragedy, I am so sorry. |
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Industrial Srength Barrel Racer
Posts: 7268
| Chandler's Mom - 2016-12-12 11:07 PM
SC Wrangler - 2016-12-12 1:49 PM
Christmas is a hard time for family. My mother-in-law passed away early in the morning on Christmas several years ago. We knew it was going to happen and had spent Christmas Eve at her bedside. We quickly ran home to feed and do chores. We pulled the stalled horses out and put them on the walker. My young barrel horse, showing amazing potential and a horse of a lifetime, jumped and kicked, landed wrong and compound fractured his leg at the hock. Once we finally found a vet to put him down, we had to leave his body lying and get back to my MIL. My husband spend Christmas morning burying my horse after the funeral home picked up his mother. How could I cry over my horse when my husband had lost his mother. All in all the single worst day or our life together.
I believe that is the saddest thing I've ever heard. Such tragedy, I am so sorry.
I totally agree - I am SO very sorry. |
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Extreme Veteran
Posts: 380
| I'm not a big Christmas person either. Mostly I get sick of my extended families negativity and cattyness. Everyone seems grumpy and on edge this time of the year. I understand it can be a difficult time for a lot of people right now. |
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 I Prefer to Live in Fantasy Land
Posts: 64864
Location: In the Hills of Texas | Southtxponygirl - 2016-12-12 10:01 AM iloveequine40 - 2016-12-11 9:45 AM Wow just WOW. No one understands dysfunctional family dynamics more than me but to say you hate Christmas??? You should really 're-evaluate what Christmas means. This all the way^^^^ its not Christmas that some of you hate, its the way you are spending it, if this is the way you feel then change what you are doing.. Christmas is the best thing at the end of a year..
The best thing at the end of the year is the NFR...LOL
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Expert
Posts: 1255
| I don't like it either it's a very sad time of year,. |
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Location: South Dakota | SC Wrangler - 2016-12-12 1:49 PM Christmas is a hard time for family. My mother-in-law passed away early in the morning on Christmas several years ago. We knew it was going to happen and had spent Christmas Eve at her bedside. We quickly ran home to feed and do chores. We pulled the stalled horses out and put them on the walker. My young barrel horse, showing amazing potential and a horse of a lifetime, jumped and kicked, landed wrong and compound fractured his leg at the hock. Once we finally found a vet to put him down, we had to leave his body lying and get back to my MIL. My husband spend Christmas morning burying my horse after the funeral home picked up his mother. How could I cry over my horse when my husband had lost his mother. All in all the single worst day or our life together.
That is so heartbreaking...I am sorry you had to go through such a painful ordeal. Hugs. |
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 794
| Many years ago we started eating dinner once a week with the entire family that are local so visiting with each other happens every week. This does two things one it allows my sister who is always a negative Nancy get all her hateful comments out before the big family comes in and 2 it allows us to visit with the most important ones so we don't have to be uncomfortable during the special days. As for gifts we set a limit and a theme every year with the ones we exchange gifts with. This years theme is what would I like to get, then we will do like the take away thing. We already have next years theme which is hand made items (we are all very talented from furniture making to sewing to cooking to painting etc.) but what ever the situation we just put our own feelings aside for one day and enjoy each others company. After all we are adults. Hope you can find a way to enjoy this season. Merry Christmas |
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 IMA No Hair Style Gal
Posts: 2594
| It tends to be a hard time for us. We are coming up on year two of my father in law committing suicide two days after Christmas.
Trying to find the motivation to even put a tree up.... |
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 Warmblood with Wings
Posts: 27846
Location: Florida.. | we have the ones that are hating christmas because of family or in laws and trips and we have the very sad ones missing the family members that arent here.. I bet the sad ones would love to trade places with you all......one day you that are complaining may be the ones that are sad.............cherish the day and love one another and dont let it get to you .. .. prayers to the ones missing their loved ones..
Edited by Bibliafarm 2016-12-14 8:17 PM
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My Heart Be Happy
Posts: 9159
Location: Arkansas | Bibliafarm - 2016-12-14 8:13 PM
we have the ones that are hating christmas because of family or in laws and trips and we have the very sad ones missing the family members that arent here.. I bet the sad ones would love to trade places with you all......one day you that are complaining may be the ones that are sad.............cherish the day and love one another and dont let it get to you .. .. prayers to the ones missing their loved ones..
Well said Bib. . . . . |
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 Expert
Posts: 1432
Location: Never in one place long | If you're not enjoying Christmas... change what you do on it.. |
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Balance Beam and more...
Posts: 11511
Location: 31 lengths farms | Chandler's Mom - 2016-12-13 9:05 PM
run n rate - 2016-12-12 11:48 AM
Christmas used to be my favorite time of year, my mom's too. For our family Stockings were the big deal. Mom always made a big deal about them even though it was usually snacks and neccessary stuff in your stockings , underwear, socks. etc. The mantle over the fire place was her big decoration deal and the stockings were part of that. Even the adult "children" still got stockings at mom's house. I tried to continue that tradition when mom started having some advance dementia issues but the Christmas night of 2013 mom had a stroke. It was a weird silent type of one, she had been sitting in her chair talking with all of us, I would get her up and get her dressed for bed and tuck her in as I headed off to bed. As I went to help get her dressed I noticed her left hand and asked her if she could move it, she said "yes I can move it!" and took her right hand to lift it off her lap. No slur of speach, no sag of her mouth, nothing but her left side was totally involved. Ambulance ride to the hospital and 4 days in the hospital then permanent residence in a facility. Mom passed away July of 2015, her birthday was December 4th and lets just say the whole of December is pretty well wasted on me . This year has been even harder than last year I think.
Bless you RNR, this year is a tough one for us too. Chris' birthday was Nov 15, then Thanksgiving, now staring Christmas straight on. . . . A week and a half ago, Chandler got all 4 of his wisdom teeth cut out. He got in the shower, and when he got out he was almost gasping he was crying so hard. I thought he was hurting and I just kept asking what, where are your hurting, what's wrong. I was so afraid he was going to start bleeding and I wouldn't be able to stop it. Finally he just said "my father." I lost it totally. He told me some things that he worries and thinks about that just break my heart. And I know the holidays are playing a big role. So I understand how you feel. Many prayers for the season to get better for all those that are hurting and have missing family members.
Bless you and Chandler. I will put up a tree this year, mom and I used to occasionally put up 3 very small trees and do all white lights and just plain glass stars on the tops. Originally I came up with the idea as the "3 wise men", my dad threw a fit until he saw the trees set up and he decided they represented "the 3 sisters" my mom, and her two sisters, so I think I'll do that this year.
DLV, sometimes it isn't about what you are doing, sometimes it just about who you are missing. The missing you can't always replace.
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Shelter Dog Lover
Posts: 10277
| run n rate - 2016-12-15 11:41 AM Chandler's Mom - 2016-12-13 9:05 PM run n rate - 2016-12-12 11:48 AM Christmas used to be my favorite time of year, my mom's too. For our family Stockings were the big deal. Mom always made a big deal about them even though it was usually snacks and neccessary stuff in your stockings , underwear, socks. etc. The mantle over the fire place was her big decoration deal and the stockings were part of that. Even the adult "children" still got stockings at mom's house. I tried to continue that tradition when mom started having some advance dementia issues but the Christmas night of 2013 mom had a stroke. It was a weird silent type of one, she had been sitting in her chair talking with all of us, I would get her up and get her dressed for bed and tuck her in as I headed off to bed. As I went to help get her dressed I noticed her left hand and asked her if she could move it, she said "yes I can move it!" and took her right hand to lift it off her lap. No slur of speach, no sag of her mouth, nothing but her left side was totally involved. Ambulance ride to the hospital and 4 days in the hospital then permanent residence in a facility. Mom passed away July of 2015, her birthday was December 4th and lets just say the whole of December is pretty well wasted on me . This year has been even harder than last year I think. Bless you RNR, this year is a tough one for us too. Chris' birthday was Nov 15, then Thanksgiving, now staring Christmas straight on. . . . A week and a half ago, Chandler got all 4 of his wisdom teeth cut out. He got in the shower, and when he got out he was almost gasping he was crying so hard. I thought he was hurting and I just kept asking what, where are your hurting, what's wrong. I was so afraid he was going to start bleeding and I wouldn't be able to stop it. Finally he just said "my father." I lost it totally. He told me some things that he worries and thinks about that just break my heart. And I know the holidays are playing a big role. So I understand how you feel. Many prayers for the season to get better for all those that are hurting and have missing family members. Bless you and Chandler. I will put up a tree this year, mom and I used to occasionally put up 3 very small trees and do all white lights and just plain glass stars on the tops. Originally I came up with the idea as the "3 wise men", my dad threw a fit until he saw the trees set up and he decided they represented "the 3 sisters" my mom, and her two sisters, so I think I'll do that this year. DLV, sometimes it isn't about what you are doing, sometimes it just about who you are missing. The missing you can't always replace.
Hugs, it is so hard to see your children hurting |
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 pressure dripper
Posts: 8699
Location: the end of the rainbow | Christmas day itself isn't so bad but I hate the season. The shopping and commercials annoy me, I think black Friday is horrible. Plus I hate winter so that doesn't help my mood any. |
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Porta Potty Pants
Posts: 2600
| My husband and I were having a conversation about Christmas and Christmas music. I was saying I didn't like Christmas music because it made me sad with the exception of a few songs. I said, it makes me sad because the world can be a lonely place and even with all the people around, it seems magnified during the holidays. |
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Go Get Em!
Posts: 13503
Location: OH. IO | I love Christmas.It gives me time to reflect on all the loved ones we have lost.It also brings my family closer each and every year.I miss my momma my father in law ,mother in law ,my two brothers our aunt we just lost and several others.I know in my heart they don't want me to dwell so we talk about the fun times.We focus on each other and how blessed we all are. I'm sorry for all that are suffering through the season.I also should add,ahuge THANK YOU to all of the BHW members that helped me during the death of my 14 month old grandaughter who was murdered.Out of that terrible tragidy came many friends that gave me strength.I will NEVER forget those people.
Edited by jake16 2016-12-18 11:02 AM
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My Heart Be Happy
Posts: 9159
Location: Arkansas | jake16 - 2016-12-18 10:40 AM
I love Christmas.It gives me time to reflect on all the loved ones we have lost.It also brings my family closer each and every year.I miss my momma my father in law ,mother in law ,my two brothers our aunt we just lost and several others.I know in my heart they don't want me to dwell so we talk about the fun times.We focus on each other and how blessed we all are. I'm sorry for all that are suffering through the season.I also should add,ahuge THANK YOU to all of the BHW members that helped me during the death of my 14 month old grandaughter who was murdered.Out of that terrible tragidy came many friends that gave me strength.I will NEVER forget those people.
Keeping you in thoughts and prayers  |
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 Elite Veteran
Posts: 891
| Christmas is to celebrate the birth of Christ. Don't consentrate on all the stuff. Please don't hate Christmas. It's not about running around buying gifts for everyone, worrying about family & party's, it's about Jesus being born. If you can look at Christmas for what it is, how could you hate it ? |
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Warmblood with Wings
Posts: 27846
Location: Florida.. | okhorselover - 2016-12-18 9:27 PM Christmas is to celebrate the birth of Christ. Don't consentrate on all the stuff. Please don't hate Christmas. It's not about running around buying gifts for everyone, worrying about family & party's, it's about Jesus being born. If you can look at Christmas for what it is, how could you hate it ?
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I hate Christmas