TURNNBURNCOWGIRL - 2017-01-03 8:00 AM Okay... here it goes. Most of you may remember me from a few years ago - I was in a bad place, almost married to an awful man, living with my parents, yada, yada, yada. Then, found out I was pregnant by said awful guy. Had baby. Awful guy got cancer(leukemia)... he passed away on September 24th, 2015.... Guys, bare with me here... I am trying to give some back details, plus, not linger or ramble... I'm awful at this.

?Memphis(my son) was about 4 or 5 months old when his father(Mike) was diagnosed with leukemia. He never had much interaction with him. Then, when Memphis was about a year old, we finally split up for good. I won't go into too much detail but, I could not handle the abuse any longer. Well, Memphis has always been a normal little boy. Progressed normally, talking, motor skills, the works. Then, when he turned 2... I really noticed one day, he doesn't talk like kids his age. Took him to the doctor, they said he just didn't want to talk. Okay, fine. Maybe he is just shy/quiet? Skip to 3 years... still not talking, at all. Just babbling. He's had multiple hearing tests done, perfect hearing. Take him to the Nemours Children's Hospital in Jacksonville, FL(We live in Alabama... it was like an 8 hour drive one way) They say they believe he is autistic. I take him home, take him to his pediatrician, he refers me to a neurologist... more tests - MRIs, etc. He is, indeed, autistic. Memphis is nonverbal autistic. However, he is very high on the spectrum - meaning, he is very high functioning just like a child his age, he just doesn't talk. Here lately... he has been trying, more and more. But, everything is babbled and garbled. As in, if you ask him what color my shirt is and it is red, he says (Rrrr).... He cannot pronounce full words. But, he tries so hard. And, if he cannot make you understand what he is trying to say, it really discourages him and embarasses him... I try to help him through his words, but, he gets so upset, so quickly.

?Now, I said all of that to say this - Sometimes.... I feel like I am failing as a mother. I try so hard to help him, to teach him.... but then, you have some of those awful people in the world. The ones that look and stare and make comments when my autistic child is having a meltdown in a store because his whole little world is torn upside down because he doesn't understand something and I am sitting in the middle of the cheese aisle in Wal-Mart holding him.... other kids have laughed at him. Even grown people have made comments about him. How do I handle this? My inner Mama Bear wants to rip them apart... but, that is not socially acceptable, right?

?I don't know what I am really asking for here. Maybe, I just needed to see my own thoughts... I don't know. Ladies, how would you handle this?

?I posted a video on one of those silly little groups on Facebook.... This video was of my son, riding his horse. Little background on the horse - She is a 17 year old paint mare. She is an absolute SAINT. She loves that little boy, more than she loves anything. She will leave her grain to come hang out with Memphis...not anyone else, but him. Also, this mare is very, very, very, very broke. She responds to cues on the ground immediately. But, I have drilled obedience into her since she was a 2 year old.... and then, when Memphis started to want to ride, I would work her 4 days a week in a round pen and just really drilled ground work into her.

?Okay.... back to the video.... it was of Memphis, riding his horse. In his own saddle, but, the paint horse is on a lunge line. I still need that extra amount of protection, per se. But, he is stopping her, backing her up and making her walk on, by himself. I was so proud! Just needed to show off my baby, you know? Some ignorant girl... not sure how old she was, commented on said video..... YOU SHOULDN'T LET RETARDS RIDE..... just like that.

?I lost it. How can you talk about someone's child?!?! I just don't understand.... Ladies, I need some prayers, some advice, something.... to make me feel like I am not the worst mother to ever walk the planet.



?If you read all of my blubbering mess, thank you. You guys are the best <3 

hoofs_in_motion - 2017-01-03 8:11 AM what's this B**ches name? I ain't afraid to make a grown woman cry 

GLP - 2017-01-03 8:12 AM I am so sorry about how other people are responding to you and your son. I just don't understand how people like that think. You are a good mother it sounds like. Just recently I have seen several books on Autism and microbomes in/on our body and also about nutrition and Autism. I wish I had written the titles down. If you haven't read these maybe they could help you in some way. There seems to be a lot of interesting research finally being done on Autism. Have you read Temple Grandin's books on how she has dealt with her Autism? I totally understand your need to keep a longe line on the horse with a 3 year old on board. You are just being a cautious momma and there is nothing wrong with that. You'be been dealt a tough hand, but it sounds like you are doing a good job. I wish I had some advice for you but I don't. Just educate yourself as much as you can on Autism. Hugs and prayers for you.

total performance - 2017-01-03 8:18 AM First of all, kudos to you for coming for help/guidance.  There are support groups and therapy all over for autistic children.  Find one and get some support and help.  I have a really good friend who adopted a little boy and found out he is autistic later on.  She built her own business for just this purpose.  And to the lady with all the rude comments, shame on her. I'd like to see the little tyke riding his horse..lunge line or not.  It takes alot of work with these kids, Reach out to a support group.  

scwebster - 2017-01-03 8:20 AM Firstly, you are doing an amazing job. Raising children is hard enough especially by yourself. Throw his condition in there and it becomes much harder. I applaud you. I know it has to be heartbreaking when people stare or make comments. I would be super protective. If they make rude comments I wouldn't feel bad about letting them know it was not OK! It amazes me how many people in this world do not know how to act. I think him spending time with the paint mare is a wonderful thing!! He can communicate with her without having to rely on words :) I know of several autistic children that benefit from therapy riding. Most did not have the luxury of growing up in a horse family. Thankfully your little one does.



As for those jerks that commented on your facebook video....what a low down ignorant person they must be. That says a lot about their character. I got infuriated reading that part..the world is cruel and some people suck.



Keep up the good work and do not let people with less raising get you down. Hugs and prayers to you from one mom to another.

 

NJJ - 2017-01-03 8:23 AM Let me start this by saying that you need a big HUG! Dealing with an autistic child is not easy. I have an autistic cousin. He is SUPER intelligent but very child like in his mannerisms. There are so many spectrums of autism. My suggestion would be to check with your local hospital (or social services) to see if there are any support groups that YOU can join. Also, he probably needs special language classes to help him. They can teach you how to respond and help him learn.

~BINGO~ - 2017-01-03 9:19 AM My heart hurts for you and your beautiful son. People can be so cruel. But know that God gave your baby boy to YOU because he knew that you were strong enough to handle everything that comes with raising an Autistic child. Hugs and prayers being sent your way. You sound like an AMAZING mom to that sweet little boy.

Nateracer - 2017-01-03 9:22 AM

There is NOTHING wrong with needing a break.  It's normal and it's also necessary!  You can't be the best you can be without staying sane!  

 

TURNNBURNCOWGIRL - 2017-01-03 10:38 AM  Excuse his attire - we were not really riding ready.... but, when he wants to ride his horse... we ride his horse!

Southtxponygirl - 2017-01-03 10:51 AM Hes a handsome young man, how old is he, I'm sure you said it but cant remember? Equestrian Therapy is the best thing that you are doing for him, I have heard so much good come out of this..Its great that you have your own horse and he can ride as much as he wants. 

TURNNBURNCOWGIRL - 2017-01-03 10:52 AM He is 3, will be 4 on February 14th. He's a Valentine's baby. 

Southtxponygirl - 2017-01-03 10:58 AM How cool is that, hes a Heart baby..Valentine's day is heart day around here  

TURNNBURNCOWGIRL - 2017-01-03 11:06 AM  He is definitely my heart baby.... born on Valentine's Day, my only child, too. And, me and that little fella have gone through a lot together. I am confident him and I could face the world together.

Mzbradford - 2017-01-03 1:08 PM I know this reply doesnt have to do with the post you are referring to, but I work for a school for autistic children and was just going to see if you had looked into applied behavior analysis? We have many non verbal kids who learn to speak here.

SloRide - 2017-01-03 2:29 PM My 3 year old son is mildly Autistic so I know all about the stresses that an Autism diagnosis comes with.At around 18 months My son stopped talking, he also seemed almost depressed and was not making age appropriate progress with feeding. Got him evaluated and into an early intervention program as soon as I could. We are so fortunate to have these wonderful supportive people helping my son. He has made great improvements in almost all areas except with his food aversion. His speech therapist was upfront about it, she said he will always have a limited diet:( I have had people make rude comments about my sons limited diet or my chouce to be a stay at home mom. But they have no idea what he and I have gone through and I never feel like I have to explain anything to people who ignorantly pass judgement. Their opinions DO NOT MATTER.

TURNNBURNCOWGIRL - 2017-01-03 3:05 PM


YES!! Thank you! Memphis's diet is very limited, as well. He eats very few things, will not try anything new... his main source of food is... waffles. He will eat them all day, every day. Or hotdogs, which I find disgusting, lol. Memphis also stopped even trying to talk around 18 months or so... I thought, with everything he has went through, it was just his way of coping, you know?

rodeomom3 - 2017-01-03 3:16 PM  People can be horrid, especially when hiding behind a screen.    Your son is a beautiful soul

SloRide - 2017-01-03 3:21 PM Yes, my son also eats waffles like they are going out of style. Most of what he eats are carbs. We give him vitamins and pediasure. He is healthy and that is the important thing. I get a lot of family members that say things like "you're lazy" "Make him go hungry and then he will eat. He won't starve himself." They do not understand that he actually would starve himself. He will also vomit if the texture of his food does not agree with him. He seems to just like dry foods.

TURNNBURNCOWGIRL - 2017-01-03 3:26 PM


Memphis is the same way. He mainly eats - waffles(I have been putting peanut butter or Nutella on them to try and get some vitamins in him) ramen noodles(he will ONLY he eat the chicken flavored ones) macaroni and cheese, pizza, rice and gravy, lasagna and a few others things. He doesn't eat much meat. And yes, if he doesn't like something, he will throw it up or gag as soon as it hits his mouth. I give him Pediasure, too. He will also go days without eating. I have been told the same things... make him go hungry until he eats what is on his plate.... no. I will not starve my son to make him fit into your social standards. If he doesn't like it, he doesn't have to eat it. He is facing enough against him to have to worry about getting in trouble for not eating what he doesn't like. Does your son talk now? How old is he? 

TURNNBURNCOWGIRL - 2017-01-03 8:14 AM


 I am not sure of her name.... they blocked me from the group and removed my post when I may or may not have threatened the girl. Thank you for this.

TURNNBURNCOWGIRL - 2017-01-03 9:12 AM

You ladies are amazing. Thank you. I know I can come here for support, for advice and even, just to vent. He is in speech therapy, it is through the school, where he will be attending. There is a special teacher who has her own class for strictly autistic children. I am so afraid to let him go to school. Fear of him being embarassed, fear of ridicule, and, I won't be able to protect my baby while he is gone. I know, silly, huh? I have tried some of the apps.... but, Memphis isn't too keen on watching things on a phone, for long. He is very busy... wants to be outside, being a little boy... eating dirt and stuff, you know? He doesn't have meltdowns to often. Maybe once or twice a month. But, when he does, he is almost inconsoleable. I try to get his attention and find something he likes. One time, I had to buy three blankets so he could lay down in the buggy in Wal-Mart and cover up with one of them... completely covered up while he played on my phone. Sometimes, we have to sit in the floor in the middle of a busy store. Sometimes, I have to stop my truck on the way somewhere so we can get out and walk around and talk about what is bothering him. I try to have a calm, quiet, soft approach, always. I don't want him to see me upset because I don't want him to think he has done something wrong. My husband(who is not his father) is a saint. He tries so hard to help him, too. The other night, Memphis had a meltdown in the bath tub.... I could not for the life of me calm him down and, he did not want to get out of the tub. What does Brandon do? He gets in the bath tub with him and they play with bubbles and his monster trucks until the water got cold. I thank the Good Lord every day for bringing that man to me and more importantly, to Memphis. Brandon is the Dad Memphis never had.
Sometimes.... I get so upset. So flustered. So frustrated. So... I don't even know. That I feel like I might explode. Being a SAHM that works from home, it can be difficult sometimes. Thank goodness for Brandon. He knows how hard it can be, even on me... and let's me have a break. I know.... some people say I shouldn't need a break from my own kid, that I am being selfish... but, sometimes... I really just need some quiet time. 

Chandler's Mom - 2017-01-03 9:40 PM Oh I'm sure you didn't threaten her. . . . I'm SURE none of us mommas would have looked her up and wanted to whoop her tail. You can mess with me, look at me cause of the way I walk, laugh behind your hand seeing me ride my horse different than everyone else, but don't you DARE mess with my baby. My momma gene rises to the surface and I kinda get rednecky. And make no apologies about it. You sound like a wonderful mother that is doing right by her child. You hang in there and dont let someone's ignorance get you down.

TURNNBURNCOWGIRL - 2017-01-04 8:13 AM You ladies are absolutely amazing. I don't know what else to say besides that. You have definitely helped me through this. It means a lot to me, you have no idea. He loves that horse! And, she just adores him, too. I know I am hard on myself but, like any mother... I only want the best for my son. 

RnRJack - 2017-01-04 9:35 AM I have a 4 year old step daughter who is about a 6 on the autism spectrum out of 10. She will talk talk talk but her speech is hard to understand and her learning is very delayed. She often has bad temper tandrums and screaming fits. It takes a very patient person to handle her. The horses have been a god send as well as our dogs. We have a 3 year old goldendoodle who is very protective of her and we just got a mixed pit bull puppy that she is in love with. We had to stop riding for a while as she starting having very severe epileptic seizures recently but we still take her out to the barn to enjoy, pet, and brush the horses. Along with the seizures they gave her a few medications to help her learning and calm her down a bit, we hAve seen a compelled 360 in her learning, speech and behavior. Some of the meds do however make her sleepy. We have been going to Orlando Florida's hospital for children which is about an hour from us but the doctors there are wonderful. I give anyone with an autistic child huge props as it is probably one of the hardest things I've ever had experience with in my life. Thankfully we have a strong support system from her grandparents. Her mother is not in the picture because she "can't handle her" so it's just us. If you ever have any questions please message me!

TURNNBURNCOWGIRL - 2017-01-12 2:17 PM Thank you, all of you. You don't know how much it really means to me. It is hard, that is anunderstatement. I have all these worries... will he ever have any friends? Will he be able to drive? Is he going to be made fun of when he goes to school? The list goes on and on. I have actually considered homeschooling him because I am so worried about how he will be treated when he goes. He is a little socially awkward, along with not being able to speak. But, I don't blame him. I have been trying to work with him more over the past couple of weeks, really getting him to talk. So far... it goes good some days, other days... I want to curl up under a rock. 

rpreast - 2017-01-12 4:39 PM I worked as an Instructional Aide in SpEd classes for the last 5 years at a semi 'rough' high school (lots of gang activity, stints in juvenile hall, etc). I will tell you that our kids had OODLES of friends throughout the school. Staff, other SpEd students, and a ton of GenEd students as well. Everyone loved them and they were so well received no matter where on campus we went. One of our kids even won Homecoming King last year. There are so many programs in place to help them integrate themselves. Some of our kids get to go out twice a week to their 'jobs' at local grocery stores, they learn how to use public transportation, etc. I know high school is a good ways away for you guys, but take comfort in knowing that there are so many young people who just don't judge the way we see so often. Your little man will absolutely have friends. 

TURNNBURNCOWGIRL - 2017-01-12 3:17 PM Thank you, all of you. You don't know how much it really means to me. It is hard, that is anunderstatement. I have all these worries... will he ever have any friends? Will he be able to drive? Is he going to be made fun of when he goes to school? The list goes on and on. I have actually considered homeschooling him because I am so worried about how he will be treated when he goes. He is a little socially awkward, along with not being able to speak. But, I don't blame him. I have been trying to work with him more over the past couple of weeks, really getting him to talk. So far... it goes good some days, other days... I want to curl up under a rock. 

NJJ - 2017-01-12 6:27 PM Even though it is a mother's fear that wants to insulate and protect him, please don't keep him home ..... you will be surprised at what interactions with other children will do to help him.  

Vickie - 2017-01-12 6:24 PM Around 20 years ago I sold a litter of Springer Spaniel puppies.  There was one I was thinking about keeping so I named him Davie.  A couple with a young boy came to look at the puppies and picked him.  The mother was holding the boy, maybe 4 years old and I brought up the puppy and told him this was his puppy and his name is Davie.  The little boy smiled and said Davie.  The mother started crying.  I felt bad, didn't know what I had done.  The father pulled me aside and told me that this was the first word he had said in his life, he was autistic (not well understood back then).  Considering I did want to keep that puppy, it made me feel that this was what was meant to be.



You never know when you will have a milestone, keep the faith.

 

IRunOnFaith - 2017-01-13 9:21 AM Bear with me:

I have three beautiful family members in my life who are autistic. My cousin is almost 30 and functions like he is about 12. The other cousin is high functioning and non verbal. The third is my second cousin. He is high functioning and verbal. 

The first was kept at home. Homeschooled and has no friends. No memories. Barely graduated highschool and lives with his mother. He has no idea how to do things himself and will never learn from the mother he has. Why? She shelters him and treats him like he has no idea how to even think for himself. 

The second was also homeschooled and given no therapy. He can do lots of things on his own because his mother taught him. However, he has no idea how to make friends. He still does not say a word even at 10 years old. He will run away from his mother INSIDE A STORE to hide if she asks him to say hi or she tries to introduce him to someone new.

The third is my second cousin. He didn't say a word until he was 4. And it was a whole sentence. He has attended therapy, both speech and physical, at a therapy center in LA. His mom used to have to pin him down to brush his hair, teeth, and bathe him. Why? He screamed bloody murder because of a sensory processing disorder. He now attends a public school and was placed in a special education class. He is now 7 and can read, write, and even brushes his own teeth and hair.  He will still have a meltdown every now and again. In fact his mom sent me a snapchat video over the Christmas break of him pushing himself around he kitchen island. He was laying on his back and pushing himself with his feet and SCREAMING saying he wanted to go to school and learn and that his teacher was going to miss him if she didn't take him to school. She said Baby there isn't school because it's Christmas. He said No Momma School please school! He was made fun of. He was picked on. And my cosuin was picked on by the other Moms at the school. But she held her head high, waved and said good morning every single day and taught her son to treat others with kindness even when they are mean. 

It's all in how you raise them my dear. You are doing a wonderful job. No Mother does it better than the other. It makes it 100 times harder to raise one with Autism but unless they have exposure to life they will never learn anything. The other two family members I have are going to be heart broken, angry, sad, and lost when their mothers die. They will know nothing. They won't be able to live alone. My secind cousin may be so high functioning that he is able to go to college, drive, and even live alone. His therapist is amazed at how well school has been for him.   You'll make the right decisions for him. Teach him. Laugh with him. Play with him. And never ever think you are a terrible mom or a terrible person. It's all going to be okay. You aren't alone. 

TURNNBURNCOWGIRL - 2017-01-13 7:51 AM


That's the thing... we have a milestone yesterday. I'll explain.... Memphis is very picky about what he eats. He only really eats waffles. I mean, he will eat other things, but, very seldom. And, it's only things like macaroni and cheese, pizza, pudding... things like that. Well, the last few weeks, I have really been working with him on talking. Even to just say one syllable of a word. I asked him what he wanted to eat.... he said WAFFLE. Well, it wasn't as if you or I said it... it was more like 'waaa-few' but, he tried. And, he was so proud of himself. All I could do was sit in the floor and cry, with him looking at me like I was crazy. I see all these other mothers talking about how they would love their kids to shut up... I want to grab them and SHAKE THEM. Tell them my son has never said 'Moma'... has never said 'I love you' to me. I have never got to hear his sweet little voice.  

TURNNBURNCOWGIRL - 2017-01-11 8:31 AM

A lot of times, when I take Memphis somewhere... people stare. He gets overwhelmed sometimes but, that's okay. We try, every day to learn something new. This week I have been trying to teach him how to say easy words - Okay. No. Please. Good. Bad. - things like that. We work on one word a day. He is trying, so hard. And, that is all that matters to me. The people who stare, I just always tell them 'Thank you' even if they don't say anything. They don't know the daily struggles my baby goes through... to just make his needs and wants understood.  

TURNNBURNCOWGIRL - 2017-01-13 7:51 AM


That's the thing... we have a milestone yesterday. I'll explain.... Memphis is very picky about what he eats. He only really eats waffles. I mean, he will eat other things, but, very seldom. And, it's only things like macaroni and cheese, pizza, pudding... things like that. Well, the last few weeks, I have really been working with him on talking. Even to just say one syllable of a word. I asked him what he wanted to eat.... he said WAFFLE. Well, it wasn't as if you or I said it... it was more like 'waaa-few' but, he tried. And, he was so proud of himself. All I could do was sit in the floor and cry, with him looking at me like I was crazy. I see all these other mothers talking about how they would love their kids to shut up... I want to grab them and SHAKE THEM. Tell them my son has never said 'Moma'... has never said 'I love you' to me. I have never got to hear his sweet little voice.