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Location: Cocoa, Florida | Or any relationship for that matter! It's always good in the beginning, maybe they think the horses are just a phase or that we will give up our time riding or in the barn to rush home and cook dinner, take care of kids etc, I don't know but I feel like it always ends in a disaster for me. I've tried compromising and lessening my time at the barn and riding (which sucks when you have young horses who need riding and seasoning). But it never works out, I feel like the horses have been a huge burden when it comes to trying to have a relationship and I've even thought about giving it up but I know I wouldn't be happy. So I'm down to one colt and one in training that's not mine and I still get crap all the time about how much time I spend at the barn. Most of the issue is that he has a child and cannot do the things I can do freely. I even took weekends off from work so every Sunday I watched his child so he could go fishing, which I love too but I did it for him. Anyway it didn't end well, I'm pretty much a bad person because I spend so much time riding and not Enough time at home (even though I rush now at the barn). But my question is....it's been a year now and he knew this from the beginning, so why does he think it will change now, I feel like I've wasted so much time :(
Living in a beachy area you're not going to find men into horses so this is always a struggle for me. Anyone else have these issues? I'm 34 and feel like I'll be alone forever because of my horse obsession!
Rant over
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Nut Case Expert
Posts: 9305
 
Location: Tulsa, Ok | If it wasn't the horses, it would be knitting, gardening, volleyball, or pretty much anything that kept your time from being centered around HIM. IMHO this is a symptom of HIS issues and HIS need for control in the relationship. I guess the question whether or not you are willing to deal with his jealousy forever. |
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 Money Eating Baggage Owner
Posts: 9586
Location: Phoenix | I wouldn't tolerate it! My hubby knows that I need my horse time to stay sane and he respects that. Your SO doesn't respect your hobby and it's rude and inconsiderate. You don't necessarily need a horsey SO, but someone who understands that horses are important to you and a necessity in your life. |
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 Owner of a ratting catting machine
Posts: 2258
| They're hard because you don't want the same things. Couples that don't want the same things either have to both get on the same page, and if that's impossible, then the relationship is doomed to fail. May take two months or twenty years, but they fail.
My thoughts are thus: Please take this with a grain of salt, as I'm a full time gypsy, but the United States is a huge place, millions of horses, and millions of people that have and understand the horse gene.
Why the hell would you stay rooted in a place where the population doesn't call for horse people, and make it that much more difficult to find someone that you can love and that enjoys you and your horses?
If you're not happy with what you've got, why don't you change it? Tomorrow is not promised. |
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  Fact Checker
Posts: 16575
Location: Displaced Iowegian | Having horses is NOT your problem....your choice of men IS !
Apparently you choose "self centered" men for a mate. Like someone else mentioned if not your horses.....it would be ANY of your other hobbies.
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 Off the Wall Wacky
Posts: 2981
Location: Louisiana | My husband also rides. But that really has nothing to do with why or how our relationship works.
The horses aren't the problem. |
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 672
| Don't change something that is a big part of you to fit someone else. I guarantee if you do give up something you love you will eventually come to resent the other person for it and it will cause problems in the relationship.. Yes, you do need to compromise time when you have different hobbies, but you both should be mature enough to make it work.
Don't worry about your age! I think it would be easier to have a relationship with someone who is older, more mature, and can "handle" your need for time with horses. Wait for the right person to come along, you will save yourself a lot of regret and heartache! |
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 Extreme Veteran
Posts: 599
| I married a non-horse guy and he is SO supportive and encouraging. We bought a horse farm and he comes to shows when he does have car races. Plenty of fish in the sea (but I think mine is the best!)! :) |
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 Thread Killer
Posts: 7545
| Through rose colored glasses, red flags look like....well, flags.
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Expert
Posts: 2685
| short answer? They aren't. My boyfriend is from NY. Didn't know which end to feed but he has aspirations and goals and priorities just like I do. He understands the concept of passion. Supports me 100%. Its not about finding a horse- boyfriend. Its about finding a man that wants the best for you AND him. It's about finding a man that FITS YOU. Not that's better, worse- whatever. |
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Location: Wherever the Army sends my husband | Its the type men, not horses. I have friends whom are married to guys that also expected them to give up horses. They are bitter and un-supportive no matter if you point out they have different hobbies. My parents divorced in high school and while horses were the reason, it didn't help matters. That being said I married a man who had never been around horses much less been involved. I made it crystal clear that they were not a passing phase and they were a package deal from day 1. I might sell some or buy some but there was ALWAYS going to be horses in the picture. He doesn't ride although he tried a couple times in attempt to spend time with me. But he is more than supportive. He will help clean stalls or haul hay. When we had our son and I become a stay at home mom, he became the sole provider of income and now pays for the horse expenses. I sold a few to downsize but still have 3. We have been married for 10 years. There's a lot of men out there. The trick is to find the right one. |
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 You get what you give
Posts: 13030
Location: Texas | like someone else said, replace "horse" with literally anything else that takes your time and attention and it will be a problem. Thats how my ex was. Nothing was ever good enough, i never gave him enough attention, etc etc...
My fiance wasn't raised with horses but he embraces all of it 100% because thats part of who I am. He even helps me in the office when I have to write times at races, helps clean stalls, and is trying to keep all the pedigree stuff straight. He's even all for buying however much land we can afford and building a Barndo until we can afford a house so I can keep two horses with me. After dealing with such an unsupportive, selfish person before him, I really really appreciate it even more.
Edited by casualdust07 2017-03-18 3:10 PM
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Regular
Posts: 84
| With all due respect draw the line in the sand or get RID of him. You have to have a supportive partner because even the best relationships have struggles so your hobbies shouldn't be one of them. I married someone that had two kids from previous marriage. I helped him with them but from the beginning I was not expected to sit home with them - they went where he went or we all went together. 27 years later - still have the horses, it's what we do and I can't imagine not having them. The right person is out there but I would rather be single with my horses vs give up my passion. Good luck, stay strong! |
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Expert
Posts: 1612
Location: Cocoa, Florida | Thanks everyone for your input and advice, it just seems like everything was peachy in the beginning and then when we moved in together 9 months later I think he expected things to change. I guess my thing is, I help take his daughter to school every morning and get her dressed, ready and make lunch, whether I have to work early or not I always take her, at night I help bathe her and give her dinner and put her to sleep sometimes so he can have some time to himself too. (She's 4 and autistic so that's not easy either). I feel like I go above and beyond to help him with her daughter And all I want in return is time for my horses. I don't drink, I don't party, I am a home body and I like it, but I love riding and barrel racing. My schedule is always different because I run a hair business so I can't be home every evening.
I think he is depressed and I think he needs some help/medicine also, this is not the same person I fell in love with but I don't want him to drag me down either, it's a hard situation because when it's good it's great but at this point I'm happier when someone isn't giving me a time limit to ride and so on.
I wish we could get some counseling but he's got to want to change or I'm done for good. |
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Married to a Louie Lover
Posts: 3303
| Been there. Done that. Moved on. Now I'm marrying a team roper.
It's great that we have the same passion, really is. But more importantly we both have a passion - that understanding of the sacrifice it takes to be great at something that takes dedication and practice. If he had the same passion about racecars and spent hours in the shop, it would still work because he understands the passion.
I agree that some of the issues come from stress of raising a special needs daughter, etc. and perhaps some expectations of what would happen when you moved in that didn't come to fruition for him (ie not the perfect family).
You have to decide if you're willing to give up what makes you happy, and if not do you think he is willing to support you in your passion. If not, move on. |
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 Elite Veteran
Posts: 899
Location: Idaho | I've dated both, and to tell you the truth. Sure, it is nice to have someone that rides horses. You can buy more horses and they are okay with it, buy more tack, go on trail rides, they'll haul you to races etc. but you still have to deal with other things. My ex (who had horses and was a complete A***H****) at one point of our relationship(He was extremely insecure and controlling by the way, it didn't start to show till after about a year into the relationship), had asked me where all my money went. Why I wasn't spending enough time with him. I, individually had 3 horses, we together had 6 all together. Even when I told him, you have horses too right? He still didn't get it! And WHO was the one who was cleaning all of the stalls? Me. Who was the one keeping their horses legged up, me. Who was the one who spent time with their horses even when I wasn't riding them? Me. and it still was a problem. But anyway.. moving forward.. I walked away from that and with some **** good reasons.
The point is you have to find someone who loves you for you, who understands your passion and accepts you. After I broke up with my ex, I was in ultimate man hater mode lol I literally took a year off from men in general, if they looked at me in any way that said they were interested I told them to f-off. lol But, then I met the man of my dreams. And it was like magic. The first moment I saw him, I knew he was it. It was like out of a novel or a movie, and everything seemed to stand still and everything seemed to change, and he became my world. Now I am with the love of my life and I wouldn't change it for the world. He loves and accepts me and my crazy horse habit, but I accept him for who he is. He is not a horse person by any means, but he supports me and that is what is important. I just feel like, the one will find you when you aren't looking, and sometimes I would say look outside your comfort zone. When I met my man, he lived in Oklahoma and I, in Nevada. And that was okay, because I was willing to move. I knew he was, and is my future. So four months later, I moved me, my life and my pony to Oklahoma and I love it.
Good luck, and don't get your head down. As my grandmother always said, you have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find the prince.
Oh, and I might want to add that women who have horses.. are independent. Most men, do not know how to handle an independent woman. They want one that is going to need them, because if they don't feel needed then they don't feel like they can be a part of your life. You need to find a man who is independent as well, because you don't NEED a man, you want one. And when you find that man, you want to find a man who can help you with some things to make him feel like he is important.. but say, like me, a lot of the horse stuff is all me. But at home, he likes to help take care of the house because it feels like it is part of his job being the man in the relationship. I say, okay no problem. :) It's a compromise, but when I come home to my man doing dishes, I let him do the dishes lol
Edited by DashNDustem 2017-03-18 11:12 PM
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Go Get Em!
Posts: 13503
Location: OH. IO | I've noticed a change in your posts.not too long ago you said OUR daughter.This little girl is a special needs child and SHE is who matters.Im not saying stay because of her her but if you are gonna get out do it now.Shes the one that's gonna have to recover from this.how was it in the beginning?You said you did give up some time in the beginning I believe and now you don't want to anymore.Every relationship is good in the newness of it all then reality sets in.If you're not happy by all means stop the relationship because everyone deserves to be happy.I do see a difference in OUR daughter to HIS daughter so I do thinks it's best for the child that you get out.I probably worded this all wrong but the bottom line is the CHILD . |
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Expert
Posts: 1612
Location: Cocoa, Florida | I understand the bottom line is the child and that's why I've tried to make it work for so long but I will not stay in a toxic relationship and make myself miserable for the rest of my life just because of his child. I plan on still spending time with her as I have a great repore with his grandparents who watch her a lot. So my intentions were to stay in her life as long as I possibly could. Now, if he gets some help or counseling then I would consider going back and working things out, as everything needs the chance to change or get the help they need if THEY want it, but I cannot force him to want to change nor can he change me. |
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 A Somebody to Everybody
Posts: 41354
Location: Under The Big Sky Of Texas | Been married going on 37 years and my husband is non horsey and the best supporter there is being a non horsey man.. My advice is dont be moving in/living with men if they have children. |
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 Ms. Marine
Posts: 4641
Location: Texas | I met my husband in the Marine Corps and he comes from a completely different walk of life than I do. He isn't a horse person at all. When we first started dating, I told him from the very beginning that if he ever made me choose between my horses or him that I would pick my horses every single time without even as much as a second thought. He respects this and supports my equine addiction, just like I respect and support his hobbies even though I don't share the same interest in them. Eventually the right man will come along that will fit into your life exactly how it is now. Keep your chin up! |
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I just read the headlines
Posts: 4483
| RnRJack - 2017-03-19 9:26 AM
I understand the bottom line is the child and that's why I've tried to make it work for so long but I will not stay in a toxic relationship and make myself miserable for the rest of my life just because of his child. I plan on still spending time with her as I have a great repore with his grandparents who watch her a lot. So my intentions were to stay in her life as long as I possibly could. Now, if he gets some help or counseling then I would consider going back and working things out, as everything needs the chance to change or get the help they need if THEY want it, but I cannot force him to want to change nor can he change me.
I agree with jake16. I think she was saying DON'T stay for the child, if the relationship is toxic to you, get out now rather than months or years down the road. It will be better for you and the little girl. You are in a hard place right now and i wish the best. You and the little girl deserve better than what he is willing to give you. |
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 Regular
Posts: 84
| You should not have to give up what you love just to make him happy.If thats the case he should give up fishing.Everybody deserves to have something that they love and feel passionate about without being criticized for it. If he cant understand this then you should move on and find somebody that will. good luck
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Fact Checker
Posts: 16575
Location: Displaced Iowegian | GLP - 2017-03-19 9:56 AM RnRJack - 2017-03-19 9:26 AM I understand the bottom line is the child and that's why I've tried to make it work for so long but I will not stay in a toxic relationship and make myself miserable for the rest of my life just because of his child. I plan on still spending time with her as I have a great repore with his grandparents who watch her a lot. So my intentions were to stay in her life as long as I possibly could. Now, if he gets some help or counseling then I would consider going back and working things out, as everything needs the chance to change or get the help they need if THEY want it, but I cannot force him to want to change nor can he change me. I agree with jake16. I think she was saying DON'T stay for the child, if the relationship is toxic to you, get out now rather than months or years down the road. It will be better for you and the little girl. You are in a hard place right now and i wish the best. You and the little girl deserve better than what he is willing to give you.
I agree that a toxic relationship is not good for anyone and, certainly, not for an autistic child. Additionally, jumping "in and out" of an autistic child's life is NOT in the best interest of the child. You will cause more problems in this child's world because they don't understand "adult" issues....I think that you are looking for solutions like IF he goes to counseling....IF he does this....IF he does that.....make a clean break ! |
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 Elite Veteran
Posts: 1182
Location: Do I hear Banjos? | Where is the child's mother? Does he have her full time?
It almost seems that he was looking for you to be a mother...that he needs someone to help care for his child. Anything you do that takes time for yourself and away from the home is going to be a problem for him. Look at the Sunday issue...you give up that day and instead of the three of you doing something together...he skips off to fish and get away while you take care of his kid. He doesn't want a partner that spends more time with HIM...he wants a babysitter. |
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 Expert
Posts: 2097
Location: Deep South | SC Wrangler - 2017-03-18 8:52 AM
If it wasn't the horses, it would be knitting, gardening, volleyball, or pretty much anything that kept your time from being centered around HIM. IMHO this is a symptom of HIS issues and HIS need for control in the relationship. I guess the question whether or not you are willing to deal with his jealousy forever.
Agree. 100%.
My husband does not have the smallest amount of interest in my horses. But I couldn't ask for anyone more supportive. In the last 6 months we sold our big house in a neighborhood and downsized to a tiny house on 20 acres. He spent all day just yesterday building fence. All for me. How blessed am I?
He doesn't go to horse shows with me. I feel guilty asking him to sit through that torture. He doesn't enjoy it. But he's perfectly fine going fishing or piddling around his shop until I get home. Doing something he DOES enjoy. We get "our time" in, but we don't have to have all the same hobbies and spend all of our free time together.
I think it's about balance.
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 Expert
Posts: 3815
Location: The best kept secret in TX | My SO and I have been together for a while. He has his trucks and his motorcross bikes and all his mechanical things. I have horses. He understands that his bikes keep him sane and my horses keep me sane. He watches the girls while I ride and I watch the girls while he rides or tinkers with toys/trucks.
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 BHW New Catch of the Day
Posts: 9884
Location: Missouri | I married a non horse person and in the beginning it was great because he was in love with the idea of being with a "cowgirl". He had a 10 year old son and when his son was riding he was very involved. Once his son stopped, he stopped and it became and issue.
My response was and still is............I had horses before you and I'll have horses well after your gone. He doesn't say much anymore. |
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 Bulls Eye
Posts: 6443
Location: Oklahoma | My husband is non horsey... but he supports me. He's supported me buying/trading/selling horses. In fact, we kept a filly that was his even though I hate mares. He traded the filly off for a gelding I fell in love with so I could have a horse that I'd be happy with. We have a 6 month old baby and a 9 year old. He's working 12-14 hour days, but still tells me a couple evenings a week to go and ride so I can have me time. It comes down to working as a team and supporting each others hobbies. |
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 Toastest with the Mostest
Posts: 5712
Location: That part of Texas | Well, I pretty much agree with what everybody else has said in the aspect of it being a man problem and not so much a horse balance one. If he won't back off on making you feel guilty, you just need to apply some good ole Southern female life-training on his poor little hide and let him know that you'd be happy to take his daughter to the barn so you can more properly balance that life/hobby issue out. Be sure to let it sink in just how much money this is going to add up in the future with two females in the house in horse-love and associated costs of pony plus horses plus shows plus . . . well, everything. Be a doll and get online to find yourself an article about the benefits of "horse therapy" and autistic kids -- believe me, they are out there -- and tell him of your new plan and show him how it's medically sanctioned and approved. Get his parents in on it if you have to. Hit him hard between his eyes with the notion of it being something that maybe you all (including him) should be involved in and have family time down at the barn instead of just at the house. Do it right and I have a feeling you'll free up some time for yourself at the barn -- just like you wanted all along. Show him how much worse it could be. |
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Expert
Posts: 1612
Location: Cocoa, Florida | Red Raider - 2017-03-22 9:46 AM
Well, I pretty much agree with what everybody else has said in the aspect of it being a man problem and not so much a horse balance one. If he won't back off on making you feel guilty, you just need to apply some good ole Southern female life-training on his poor little hide and let him know that you'd be happy to take his daughter to the barn so you can more properly balance that life/hobby issue out. Be sure to let it sink in just how much money this is going to add up in the future with two females in the house in horse-love and associated costs of pony plus horses plus shows plus . . . well, everything. Be a doll and get online to find yourself an article about the benefits of "horse therapy" and autistic kids -- believe me, they are out there -- and tell him of your new plan and show him how it's medically sanctioned and approved. Get his parents in on it if you have to. Hit him hard between his eyes with the notion of it being something that maybe you all (including him) should be involved in and have family time down at the barn instead of just at the house. Do it right and I have a feeling you'll free up some time for yourself at the barn -- just like you wanted all along. Show him how much worse it could be.
We had a long discussion about just this yesterday!!! I need to find articles of how therapeutic it really is. He thinks I just want him to come hang out at the barn and that's not the case!! |
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 Good Grief!
Posts: 6343
Location: Cap'n Joan Rotgut.....alberta | Anybody that wants you to change that much of who are are...it aint good..and its only going to get worse. ....you need to put yourself first not the man or the kid but YOU......m
Edited by mruggles 2017-03-22 10:09 AM
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 Elite Veteran
Posts: 911
Location: Northern Ontario | My amazing BF is non-horsey is super supportive but he doesn't ride at all. I am ok with that. He likes to pet her and feed treats, and we are working hard towards buying our farm in a few years(He is into sleds, trucks, and ATVs bigtime and is a country boy) From your post, it doesn't sound like non-horsey issue, it sounds like a relationship issue. Those issues arent really related to horses because even if you weren't a horse person, you would still have other hobbies |
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 710
| I dated a team roper and it was the worst experience of my life. Don't think because they are in the horse industry that everything is going to make sense and he'll understand you better. I'd rather have someone who loves me and wants me to succeed, and have an equal relationship. It sounds like you're very unhappy, maybe it's time to move on for yourself. |
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 The best bad guy on the internet
Posts: 3519
Location: Arizona | My husband is a non-horsey person too. In the beginning it was indeed a struggle. I had six horses at the time. He thought for sure they were a phase, and I didn't understand him wanting me around more..I had to compromise. I have 3 horses now. He understands how important they are too me, they are my life. I do make time for him as well. I had to adjust my riding schedule and take time out and spend it with him. He has his motorcycles and hobbies too. We each have our own thing and then we have our common interests as well. It's a perfect balance. Does your SO have other interests/hobbies? If you aren't happy and he's not either, then end it and move on. Life is just too short to be miserable! |
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Doggy Diaper Designer
Posts: 2322
Location: WI | Sweetie, get out now. He will not change, it will not get better long term. I been there done that and now have a divorce decree to show for it. I'm 36. I was with him 7 years. I cut back on horses to the point I barely rode. It was an emotionally abusive tactic he used to essentially get me to do all he wanted. He too has a child that I was step mom to.
It damaged me badly and I'm still recovering two years later and trying to regain my drive to compete and haul again.
It's not worth it!
I've now been with someone only 5 months, but it's great. He knows zero about horses, but he's crazy obsessed with hunting and managing his land. It works. He gets passion and he thinks the world of me for who I am.
It can be so much better, get out! Dont look back. |
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Fact Checker
Posts: 16575
Location: Displaced Iowegian | RnRJack - 2017-03-22 10:02 AM Red Raider - 2017-03-22 9:46 AM Well, I pretty much agree with what everybody else has said in the aspect of it being a man problem and not so much a horse balance one. If he won't back off on making you feel guilty, you just need to apply some good ole Southern female life-training on his poor little hide and let him know that you'd be happy to take his daughter to the barn so you can more properly balance that life/hobby issue out. Be sure to let it sink in just how much money this is going to add up in the future with two females in the house in horse-love and associated costs of pony plus horses plus shows plus . . . well, everything. Be a doll and get online to find yourself an article about the benefits of "horse therapy" and autistic kids -- believe me, they are out there -- and tell him of your new plan and show him how it's medically sanctioned and approved. Get his parents in on it if you have to. Hit him hard between his eyes with the notion of it being something that maybe you all (including him) should be involved in and have family time down at the barn instead of just at the house. Do it right and I have a feeling you'll free up some time for yourself at the barn -- just like you wanted all along. Show him how much worse it could be. We had a long discussion about just this yesterday!!! I need to find articles of how therapeutic it really is. He thinks I just want him to come hang out at the barn and that's not the case!!
I think you are grasping at straws....you already stated that you give up YOUR time for HIS child .... he will be happy as a peach for you to take care of her FULL TIME!
But he is still going to b*tch about you being unavailable to him....NOW., the end thought should be what is in the best interest of the CHILD....tension, squabbling, and turmoil is NOT in the best interest of an autistic child.... |
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A Somebody to Everybody
Posts: 41354
Location: Under The Big Sky Of Texas | NJJ - 2017-03-25 9:23 AM RnRJack - 2017-03-22 10:02 AM Red Raider - 2017-03-22 9:46 AM Well, I pretty much agree with what everybody else has said in the aspect of it being a man problem and not so much a horse balance one. If he won't back off on making you feel guilty, you just need to apply some good ole Southern female life-training on his poor little hide and let him know that you'd be happy to take his daughter to the barn so you can more properly balance that life/hobby issue out. Be sure to let it sink in just how much money this is going to add up in the future with two females in the house in horse-love and associated costs of pony plus horses plus shows plus . . . well, everything. Be a doll and get online to find yourself an article about the benefits of "horse therapy" and autistic kids -- believe me, they are out there -- and tell him of your new plan and show him how it's medically sanctioned and approved. Get his parents in on it if you have to. Hit him hard between his eyes with the notion of it being something that maybe you all (including him) should be involved in and have family time down at the barn instead of just at the house. Do it right and I have a feeling you'll free up some time for yourself at the barn -- just like you wanted all along. Show him how much worse it could be. We had a long discussion about just this yesterday!!! I need to find articles of how therapeutic it really is. He thinks I just want him to come hang out at the barn and that's not the case!!
But he is still going to b*tch about you being unavailable to him....NOW., the end thought should be what is in the best interest of the CHILD....tension, squabbling, and turmoil is NOT in the best interest of an autistic child....
Where is the mom to this child? Sounds like he needs a full time mommie for his kid. Do they live in your house are did you move in with them? I hope all this bad feelings between you and daddy are kept from this child, autistic children are so very fragile. This kid needs a mommie, where is his? I agree with Norma that your grasping at straws, this man is not going to change, and you did point out and made it very clear that this is his child and you are giving up your time for him/her.. Be prepared because he does need you not so much for himself but for the child. How old is he/she. I may have missed this somewhere.. |
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 Neat Freak
Posts: 11216
Location: Wonderful Wyoming | I didn't read all the responses but it honestly has nothing to do with whether or not your SO is a horse person or not. My dad and his wife have ZERO in common and respect that and let the other do what they enjoy. My husband is very much a horse lover. We have so many things in common, but still fight like cats and dogs about ALL of it. He is very critical and at times, a know it all about my horse interests. He is a great colt starter and rancher, just a great horse man. But he thinks that gives him the knowledge to tell me about barrel racing and the horse shows. Not a good thing. I can take advice and help all day long. Critisism just makes me want to throat punch him. I may sound harsh, but we have been working cattle together all spring and as all ranch people know, that quickly developes a love/hate relationship   |
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 Elite Veteran
Posts: 683
Location: Ohio | I have been married 8 years to a man who isn't into horses and he has never made me feel bad about time spent at the barn and has always been there when I needed his help with them. He doesn't mind running me meds at 3 a.m. when I have a colicky horse, he doesn't make me feel bad when I need his help putting up new fence or fixing something around the barn. He knows how much my horses make me happy just like I know he has his own hobbies that make him happy. There are good, non horse guys out there who wouldn't dream about wanting you to give up what you love, kids or not!!!! |
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 Expert
Posts: 1286
Location: Mississippi | My hubby is about as non-horsey as they come but he is very supportive. He doesn't come to many of my races but he supports my "habit" and never says much about what spend on my horses (time or money). I will say that he is getting more interested in them but I don't suspect he will ever want to go riding with me and honestly, I am fine with that. His business is his hobby and he enjoys his cattle. I enjoy my horses. I have always been comfortable doing my own thing so it doesn't bother me that we have our own separate interests. I am extremely thankful that he works so hard and wants to see me to accomplish my personal goals.
I haven't read all of the posts but I don't think it's all about finding someone who enjoys all of the same things you do - I think it boils down to being comfortable with yourself and trusting one another. And from what you say, it sounds to me like your boyfriend is very insecure. |
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 To the Left
Posts: 1865
Location: Florida | If you can't find a horsey person in Cocoa, you are looking for love in all the wrong places. Go to North Brevard Horsemans Club, or run up to Hope Arena or the little rodeos in Fellsmere. The cowboys are all over. Take some roping lessons from Heather Fleckinger and see who is hanging around, or go over to Brevard Farm and Ranch and hang out. Mike has the most beautiful eyes.... For that matter, Brian is a really nice guy.
Just saying, don't settle, the guy you got sounds like a real drag on your soul. |
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Expert
Posts: 1612
Location: Cocoa, Florida | Vickie - 2017-03-25 6:45 PM
If you can't find a horsey person in Cocoa, you are looking for love in all the wrong places. Go to North Brevard Horsemans Club, or run up to Hope Arena or the little rodeos in Fellsmere. The cowboys are all over. Take some roping lessons from Heather Fleckinger and see who is hanging around, or go over to Brevard Farm and Ranch and hang out. Mike has the most beautiful eyes.... For that matter, Brian is a really nice guy.
Just saying, don't settle, the guy you got sounds like a real drag on your soul.
I'm good friends with heather and all those people, I board at her moms barn. I rope with them too sometimes, just for fun. I love Brian and Mike!!!! I get my hay from Brian always, wish he carried Seminole too but I go to two different feed stores because of that. Still have yet to meet any real cowboys that aren't already married or dating lol! |
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Fact Checker
Posts: 16575
Location: Displaced Iowegian | Sooo..... |
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Expert
Posts: 1612
Location: Cocoa, Florida | So we worked it all out, he agreed that's he's been depressed and not feeling well lately so he made a doctors appointment (which he goes today) he admitted that he stoped taking his ADHD medication when he ran out and it made him feel horrible. He admitted to me he's depressed (baby mommma drama we deal with) and he's taken it out on me but I did leave (for a weekend) and he realized he missed me a lot blah blah so since then he has been super supportive of me going to ride, even encouraged it this and last week. I took a weekend off to spend with him and his daughter so we went about an hour away to a nice beach and then that Sunday we went fishing just the two of us and it was so nice, like it used to be. We even made a Monday night date night again, saw beauty and the beast and dinner of course. So if we keep this up we will be just fine, I know there's going to be bumps in the road but I knew something was majorly wrong and I'm glad he opened up to me finally. Relationships aren't easy but I'm willing to work at it and comprise (a little) lol, when it comes to barrel racing and balancing family life!
Thanks for all of the support |
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 Extreme Veteran
Posts: 501
Location: Oklahoma | I think it's just the wrong picks! But our hearts just don't always play right!
I have been married about 30 years now, non-horsey as they come. Wouldn't ride if I paid him to. But he's so supportive of it all. Made sure I had everything that I needed. Nice horses, truck, trailer, barn. I couldn't have asked for better or more. Ever so often I do get into trouble because of that dang laundry business. But overall he handles it great! Because he knows what truly makes me happy and it is who I am.
I think the key is truly caring,loving, and repecting your partner while encourging them to grow and become who they are!
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Extreme Veteran
Posts: 501
Location: Oklahoma | RnRJack - 2017-03-30 7:00 AM So we worked it all out, he agreed that's he's been depressed and not feeling well lately so he made a doctors appointment (which he goes today) he admitted that he stoped taking his ADHD medication when he ran out and it made him feel horrible. He admitted to me he's depressed (baby mommma drama we deal with) and he's taken it out on me but I did leave (for a weekend) and he realized he missed me a lot blah blah so since then he has been super supportive of me going to ride, even encouraged it this and last week. I took a weekend off to spend with him and his daughter so we went about an hour away to a nice beach and then that Sunday we went fishing just the two of us and it was so nice, like it used to be. We even made a Monday night date night again, saw beauty and the beast and dinner of course. So if we keep this up we will be just fine, I know there's going to be bumps in the road but I knew something was majorly wrong and I'm glad he opened up to me finally. Relationships aren't easy but I'm willing to work at it and comprise (a little) lol, when it comes to barrel racing and balancing family life! Thanks for all of the support
Missed seeing your response before I posted mine! It def is a give and take and I do wish you happiness and success. Talking and communicating is the absolute most important thing. I am glad you guys were able to talk and he shared with you what he was feeling! That sharing and being open with each other will go along ways!! |
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 That's White "Man" to You
Posts: 5515
| #1 rule is to never take relationship advise from a public forum.
#2 disregard #1 and read #3
#3 decide on your priorities. In my opinion relationships always have priority over hobbies.
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 Hugs to You
Posts: 7551
Location: In The Land of Cotton | Whiteboy - 2017-03-30 10:14 AM #1 rule is to never take relationship advise from a public forum.
#2 disregard #1 and read #3
#3 decide on your priorities. In my opinion relationships always have priority over hobbies.
In all actuality though - shouldn't we pick people to spend our lives with that have similar hobbies and/or ones we/they don't oppose?
That is what people forget and/overlook with looking for a life long partner. |
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That's White "Man" to You
Posts: 5515
| 3canstorun - 2017-03-30 9:51 AM Whiteboy - 2017-03-30 10:14 AM #1 rule is to never take relationship advise from a public forum.
#2 disregard #1 and read #3
#3 decide on your priorities. In my opinion relationships always have priority over hobbies.
In all actuality though - shouldn't we pick people to spend our lives with that have similar hobbies and/or ones we/they don't oppose?
That is what people forget and/overlook with looking for a life long partner.
Edited by Whiteboy 2017-03-30 11:01 AM
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 A Barrel Of Monkeys
Posts: 12972
Location: Texas | I think the non-horse people just don't "get" it; anymore than we horse people could "get" sailing, or race car driving. |
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Expert
Posts: 1612
Location: Cocoa, Florida | Whiteboy - 2017-03-30 10:59 AM
3canstorun - 2017-03-30 9:51 AM Whiteboy - 2017-03-30 10:14 AM #1 rule is to never take relationship advise from a public forum.
#2 disregard #1 and read #3
#3 decide on your priorities. In my opinion relationships always have priority over hobbies.
In all actuality though - shouldn't we pick people to spend our lives with that have similar hobbies and/or ones we/they don't oppose?
That is what people forget and/overlook with looking for a life long partner.
I think that's great advice whiteboy, and I'm surprised to meet a man into horses that has non horsey wife, usually it's the opposite way around, at least down here! |
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I just read the headlines
Posts: 4483
| Whiteboy - 2017-03-30 9:14 AM
#1 rule is to never take relationship advise from a public forum.
#2 disregard #1 and read #3
#3 decide on your priorities. In my opinion relationships always have priority over hobbies.
Yep, words of wisdom right there. |
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I just read the headlines
Posts: 4483
| 3canstorun - 2017-03-30 9:51 AM
Whiteboy - 2017-03-30 10:14 AM #1 rule is to never take relationship advise from a public forum.
#2 disregard #1 and read #3
#3 decide on your priorities. In my opinion relationships always have priority over hobbies.
In all actuality though - shouldn't we pick people to spend our lives with that have similar hobbies and/or ones we/they don't oppose?
That is what people forget and/overlook with looking for a life long partner.
I don't think so. My husband doesn't ride, but he loves his cows! He likes to go to Vegas to gamble, but I don't really like to gamble. He likes all the war movies, I would way rather read. He is a football and baseball fan. I'm not into it at all anymore. He loves to be around people, I do NOT. We have been married 32 years and I still think he hung the moon. We do have things in common, too. Our values and principles are the same and I think that is more important than having the same likes and dislikes. |
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Expert
Posts: 2097
Location: Deep South | GLP - 2017-03-30 1:08 PM 3canstorun - 2017-03-30 9:51 AM Whiteboy - 2017-03-30 10:14 AM #1 rule is to never take relationship advise from a public forum.
#2 disregard #1 and read #3
#3 decide on your priorities. In my opinion relationships always have priority over hobbies.
In all actuality though - shouldn't we pick people to spend our lives with that have similar hobbies and/or ones we/they don't oppose?
That is what people forget and/overlook with looking for a life long partner. I don't think so. My husband doesn't ride, but he loves his cows! He likes to go to Vegas to gamble, but I don't really like to gamble. He likes all the war movies, I would way rather read. He is a football and baseball fan. I'm not into it at all anymore. He loves to be around people, I do NOT. We have been married 32 years and I still think he hung the moon. We do have things in common, too. Our values and principles are the same and I think that is more important than having the same likes and dislikes.
Nailed. It... |
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 Poor Cracker Girl
Posts: 12150
Location: Feeding mosquitos, FL | Whiteboy - 2017-03-30 11:59 AM 3canstorun - 2017-03-30 9:51 AM Whiteboy - 2017-03-30 10:14 AM #1 rule is to never take relationship advise from a public forum.
#2 disregard #1 and read #3
#3 decide on your priorities. In my opinion relationships always have priority over hobbies.
In all actuality though - shouldn't we pick people to spend our lives with that have similar hobbies and/or ones we/they don't oppose?
That is what people forget and/overlook with looking for a life long partner.
My wonderful sainted husband doesn't understand the horse thing. Never has. But he wants me to be happy and he supports me in every single way. It took me awhile to realize it and a couple of super uncomfortable conversations but I have a tendency to get really hyperfocused on the horses, my goals, training plans, rides, barrel races, etc. etc. etc. to the detriment of everything else and he would feel neglected and unimportant. And I never ever ever want him to feel that way. He is my number one priority on this planet and I want him to know that all the way down to his toe hairs.
So, now, I try real hard to maintain, if not balance, at least a little bit of time doing the Good Wife thing. Fridays are standing date night. We go out to dinner, phones go in somebody's pocket, and we have actual conversation with each other. And I very rarely go barrel racing both weekend days. Sundays are for him, even if all we do is the laundry and the grocery store. Luckily he's pretty low-maintenance but I also have to make sure that I don't go off the deep end and let my obsessions take over the best part of my life.
Edited by TrackinBubba 2017-03-30 1:49 PM
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I just read the headlines
Posts: 4483
| TrackinBubba - 2017-03-30 1:47 PM
Whiteboy - 2017-03-30 11:59 AM 3canstorun - 2017-03-30 9:51 AM Whiteboy - 2017-03-30 10:14 AM #1 rule is to never take relationship advise from a public forum.
#2 disregard #1 and read #3
#3 decide on your priorities. In my opinion relationships always have priority over hobbies.
In all actuality though - shouldn't we pick people to spend our lives with that have similar hobbies and/or ones we/they don't oppose?
That is what people forget and/overlook with looking for a life long partner.
My wonderful sainted husband doesn't understand the horse thing. Never has. But he wants me to be happy and he supports me in every single way. It took me awhile to realize it and a couple of super uncomfortable conversations but I have a tendency to get really hyperfocused on the horses, my goals, training plans, rides, barrel races, etc. etc. etc. to the detriment of everything else and he would feel neglected and unimportant. And I never ever ever want him to feel that way. He is my number one priority on this planet and I want him to know that all the way down to his toe hairs.
So, now, I try real hard to maintain, if not balance, at least a little bit of time doing the Good Wife thing. Fridays are standing date night. We go out to dinner, phones go in somebody's pocket, and we have actual conversation with each other. And I very rarely go barrel racing both weekend days. Sundays are for him, even if all we do is the laundry and the grocery store. Luckily he's pretty low-maintenance but I also have to make sure that I don't go off the deep end and let my obsessions take over the best part of my life.
Well said TrackinBubba and Whiteboy!  |
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Hugs to You
Posts: 7551
Location: In The Land of Cotton | GLP - 2017-03-30 2:08 PM 3canstorun - 2017-03-30 9:51 AM Whiteboy - 2017-03-30 10:14 AM #1 rule is to never take relationship advise from a public forum.
#2 disregard #1 and read #3
#3 decide on your priorities. In my opinion relationships always have priority over hobbies.
In all actuality though - shouldn't we pick people to spend our lives with that have similar hobbies and/or ones we/they don't oppose?
That is what people forget and/overlook with looking for a life long partner. I don't think so. My husband doesn't ride, but he loves his cows! He likes to go to Vegas to gamble, but I don't really like to gamble. He likes all the war movies, I would way rather read. He is a football and baseball fan. I'm not into it at all anymore. He loves to be around people, I do NOT. We have been married 32 years and I still think he hung the moon. We do have things in common, too. Our values and principles are the same and I think that is more important than having the same likes and dislikes.
Read what I said - and/or ones that we/they don't oppose?
I married someone who has hobbies I don't care for, but I don't oppose them. What if he loved snakes and wanted them in the house and you were terrified? That would be opposing his hobby.
We need to realize that whomever we marry and/or live with is different then we are. It's up to us to choose whether their differences are workable or not.
IE - person smokes - you hate smoking - you don't marry them and try to change them. You knew he smoked. You either accept it or move on.
Same as with people who move to the country and then don't like the smell of cow crap. Well, you moved next door to the farm - same concept. |
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Sparklin Cowgirl
Posts: 4379
| I am blessed with my relationship. He is not into horses at all, BUT he has his own hobbies so he understands the dedication, time and money I put into mine. I think that is the most important part, that we understand and can appreciate each other's interests. |
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 Shelter Dog Lover
Posts: 10277
| GLP - 2017-03-30 1:08 PM 3canstorun - 2017-03-30 9:51 AM Whiteboy - 2017-03-30 10:14 AM #1 rule is to never take relationship advise from a public forum.
#2 disregard #1 and read #3
#3 decide on your priorities. In my opinion relationships always have priority over hobbies.
In all actuality though - shouldn't we pick people to spend our lives with that have similar hobbies and/or ones we/they don't oppose?
That is what people forget and/overlook with looking for a life long partner. I don't think so. My husband doesn't ride, but he loves his cows! He likes to go to Vegas to gamble, but I don't really like to gamble. He likes all the war movies, I would way rather read. He is a football and baseball fan. I'm not into it at all anymore. He loves to be around people, I do NOT. We have been married 32 years and I still think he hung the moon. We do have things in common, too. Our values and principles are the same and I think that is more important than having the same likes and dislikes.
Absolutely, my husband and I are on the same page when it comes to values and principals. He is a competitive sporting clays shooter, travels 5 or 6 times a year to big shoots and there are local ones every weekend. I usually go with him to the big shoots but for the local ones I will go do my horse stuff instead of going with him, if there is not a race I will go with him. When our girls were rodeoing he never missed a single weekend of rodeo or any activity that the kids went to -that was our life for 10 years, every weekend and we loved every minute, kids are grown now. I have friends that ask why he never comes to the barrel races with me, I tell them he has his own activity -shooting, I don't ask him to miss shooting and he doesn't ask me to miss barrel races. If I have a race close to home and I can tell him when I'll be running he'll come up and watch but he's over the all day waiting around for a couple of runs. I would say what we have in common is that we both have hobbies that we love, we both like to support each other, we both want to see the other happy. |
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Shelter Dog Lover
Posts: 10277
| 3canstorun - 2017-03-30 1:57 PM
GLP - 2017-03-30 2:08 PM 3canstorun - 2017-03-30 9:51 AM Whiteboy - 2017-03-30 10:14 AM #1 rule is to never take relationship advise from a public forum.
#2 disregard #1 and read #3
#3 decide on your priorities. In my opinion relationships always have priority over hobbies.
In all actuality though - shouldn't we pick people to spend our lives with that have similar hobbies and/or ones we/they don't oppose?
That is what people forget and/overlook with looking for a life long partner. I don't think so. My husband doesn't ride, but he loves his cows! He likes to go to Vegas to gamble, but I don't really like to gamble. He likes all the war movies, I would way rather read. He is a football and baseball fan. I'm not into it at all anymore. He loves to be around people, I do NOT. We have been married 32 years and I still think he hung the moon. We do have things in common, too. Our values and principles are the same and I think that is more important than having the same likes and dislikes.
I married someone who has hobbies I don't care for, but I don't oppose them. What if he loved snakes and wanted them in the house and you were terrified? That would be opposing his hobby.
We need to realize that whomever we marry and/or live with is different then we are. It's up to us to choose whether their differences are workable or not.
IE - person smokes - you hate smoking - you don't marry them and try to change them. You knew he smoked. You either accept it or move on.
Same as with people who move to the country and then don't like the smell of cow crap. Well, you moved next door to the farm - same concept.
Good points. In a lot of cases though it is not the hobby per say as much as the time factor-hobby =time away from them -doesn't really matter what the hobby is. Relationships are compromise and give and take and if you're constantly taking i.e. time away from them maybe there's a better balance to be reached.
Edited by rodeomom3 2017-03-30 2:36 PM
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Hugs to You
Posts: 7551
Location: In The Land of Cotton | rodeomom3 - 2017-03-30 3:30 PM GLP - 2017-03-30 1:08 PM 3canstorun - 2017-03-30 9:51 AM Whiteboy - 2017-03-30 10:14 AM #1 rule is to never take relationship advise from a public forum.
#2 disregard #1 and read #3
#3 decide on your priorities. In my opinion relationships always have priority over hobbies.
In all actuality though - shouldn't we pick people to spend our lives with that have similar hobbies and/or ones we/they don't oppose?
That is what people forget and/overlook with looking for a life long partner. I don't think so. My husband doesn't ride, but he loves his cows! He likes to go to Vegas to gamble, but I don't really like to gamble. He likes all the war movies, I would way rather read. He is a football and baseball fan. I'm not into it at all anymore. He loves to be around people, I do NOT. We have been married 32 years and I still think he hung the moon. We do have things in common, too. Our values and principles are the same and I think that is more important than having the same likes and dislikes.
Exactly. When the kids were little, we all were together either at school functions/sports or showing livestock.
They got older, I barrel race and he cuts. We do our one day weekend things alone, and we both go together to 3 day shows. The only problem it has caused is we have to have two 350's and two trailers. |
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Red Bull Agressive
Posts: 5981
Location: North Dakota | RnRJack - 2017-03-18 8:21 AM Or any relationship for that matter! It's always good in the beginning, maybe they think the horses are just a phase or that we will give up our time riding or in the barn to rush home and cook dinner, take care of kids etc, I don't know but I feel like it always ends in a disaster for me. I've tried compromising and lessening my time at the barn and riding (which sucks when you have young horses who need riding and seasoning ). But it never works out, I feel like the horses have been a huge burden when it comes to trying to have a relationship and I've even thought about giving it up but I know I wouldn't be happy. So I'm down to one colt and one in training that's not mine and I still get crap all the time about how much time I spend at the barn. Most of the issue is that he has a child and cannot do the things I can do freely. I even took weekends off from work so every Sunday I watched his child so he could go fishing, which I love too but I did it for him. Anyway it didn't end well, I'm pretty much a bad person because I spend so much time riding and not Enough time at home (even though I rush now at the barn ). But my question is....it's been a year now and he knew this from the beginning, so why does he think it will change now, I feel like I've wasted so much time : ( Living in a beachy area you're not going to find men into horses so this is always a struggle for me. Anyone else have these issues? I'm 34 and feel like I'll be alone forever because of my horse obsession! Rant over
It's possible to make it work but you gotta find the right person. Which is difficult. Horses are a time and money consuming hobby/lifestyle and a selfish prick is going to be threatened by that. My fiance knows nothing about horses. Total noob. But he's been nothing but supportive since day one. Literally since long before we were dating and we were just friends he always made a point to ask about my horses and see how they were doing. When we started dating I told him that horses are my life and if he ever made me choose between them, he be gone so fast his head would spin.
One of my favorite things about him is that he wouldn't ever make me choose. He loves how passionate I am about horses and understands that they are part of me. He is 100% supportive. He goes to the barn with me and helps with chores, goes to the vet, now he wants to learn how to ride and go trail riding all over the country! Sometimes I wish he'd stay home so I could have some alone time at the barn lol! Point being, you never know. Don't discount all non-horsey guys because some of them turn out to be real gems. |
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OT: why are non-horse boyfriend relationships so hard?!?