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 Warrior Mom
Posts: 4400
 
| I have an 8 yr old son (from previous marriage) he started playing baseball (coach pitch) my ex husband is this big time (self proclaimed ) baseball coach.. to be fair, he does give private lessons in his spare time, but anyway, he was really pushing for the boy to play... my son loves baseball so I was all about it. Well he's turned into a very arrogant little twerp! He's really gifted and can play extremely well (for an 8 yr old). The team really needs him. End of the school year, his grades started slipping, I told my ex if the boy doesn't pick up his grades there will be missed games, practices etc etc... well, he failed to make the year end advanced reading reward trip because he lied about reading the books and he failed the tests.. ex husband and I discussed this before, that if he didn't make his average, he would miss an upcoming game... well, we found put Friday he didn't make it.. my ex picked him up from school that day and he said he didn't have the heart to make him skip the next game because he was so bummed out.. that game was today.. I stupidly went along with my ex and was going to allow him to play today. ..
I drove down to pick up the kids at the bus stop and long story short, my son was having a major attitude with me... happens a lot lately! I asked him to take the trash can out of the pickup and he said no! So my younger son said he would, I said fine! Well 8yr old decided to get out and go shove my 5yr old down on the ground.. I lost it! I spanked him and told him he wasn't playing in tonight's game! My mother lives with us and I told her he wasn't going and why, she tried to talk me out of my decision I kinda blew up at her for butting in, this is my son, my choice and I'm sick of his attitude and his arrogance! He needs to learn. I don't want to raise a jerk! Then I called my ex and was met with the same resistance.. I was so upset I just burst into tears! But I put my foot down and he didn't play tonight! We got thru this evening alright, but now here come the group text messages from the coaches and other parents and I saw that my mother was in there texting too! Saying how good the boys played tonight EVEN THOUGH not everyone showed up and the team had to be shuffled around because of "someone's absence etc etc... to be honest, it really miffed me!
I'm not sure what I'm even asking, kinda just venting! I don't feel like I've made the wrong choice in suspending him from the game... honestly he should have been suspended anyway for lying about his reading, like we had discussed! | |
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 Country Fried Chicken Gal
Posts: 7697
  
| Stick to your guns! I'd have done the same thing. Mine wouldn't have played either. I'm pretty sure I would've also responded with a pretty sarcastic and/or rude response to the group text. That sh*t don't fly with me. | |
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 Elite Veteran
Posts: 678
Location: Canada | Actions have consequences. Good for you for sticking to it. You did the right thing!! Your son was warned and now he has to pay the price.
I would fire back to the other parents that your son missed the game because of his negative behaviour. That while you think having a hobby is important, raising a boy to be well educated, respectful, and appreciative of what he has is MORE important. That he will continue to miss games if his attitude doesn't change.
You're a good mom so don't be pressured to give in. Bad behaviour should never be rewarded. | |
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I just read the headlines
Posts: 4483
| Stick to your guns! And don't pay attention to social media. Who cares what they say/think. Your mom should be ashamed of herself not backing you, the MOM! | |
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 A Somebody to Everybody
Posts: 41354
Location: Under The Big Sky Of Texas | You did good mom, its the tough love that we have to do at times to keep things in their place when dealing with what you just went threw, theres no reason for him being this way and then to pick on his younger brother for no reason, he needed the attitude ajustment he got from you.  | |
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Warrior Mom
Posts: 4400
| palgal - 2017-05-16 8:17 PM
Stick to your guns! I'd have done the same thing. Mine wouldn't have played either. I'm pretty sure I would've also responded with a pretty sarcastic and/or rude response to the group text. That sh*t don't fly with me.
I totally thought about responding too but decided I wasn't in the right frame of mind and my filter was broken! He's got 3 games left for the season. It's going to be totally up to him if he makes them or not.. I told him that. School work and testing is pretty much done so his behavior will be the deciding factor. I just feel like I've lost my sweet boy as soon as he started playing ball and hearing how awesome he was at it and people ohhing & ahhhing over his pitches and batting.. sure he's much further ahead of the other boys because his dad has pretty much been drilling him since he was 5 on baseball .. I'd love to see him be successful at it but I want him to stay grounded and treat me with respect. | |
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Expert
Posts: 1694
Location: Willows, CA | Not my place to comment, but I will. You are right in every way. If the talent is there, it will be there going forward. Honesty and courtesy are forever. Stick to your standards. | |
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 My Heart Be Happy
Posts: 9159
Location: Arkansas | Good for you momma, hang in there | |
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 Peat and Repeat
Posts: 2773
Location: IN MY OWN LITTLE WORLD AT LEAST THEY KNOW ME HERE |
Good for you and glad you tore his butt up!! "huge smile"
Stay the course lady you're doing just fine
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 Expert
Posts: 1718
Location: Southeast Louisiana | He will thank you for this later. | |
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 Horsey Gene Carrier
Posts: 1888
Location: LaBelle, Florida | Stick to your guns.
Not only did he allow his grade to slip, he LIED about it.
Time to hand out the tough love.
Edited by kasaj2000 2017-05-17 4:12 AM
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Industrial Srength Barrel Racer
Posts: 7264
| kasaj2000 - 2017-05-17 4:11 AM
Stick to your guns.
Not only did he allow his grade to slip, he LIED about it.
Time to hand out the tough love.
Yep! The LYING would have probably put me out of the games as a child for the season. My dad didn't tolerate lying. | |
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 Shelter Dog Lover
Posts: 10277
| Ugg for the other parents. Good for you! When one of my girls was around 12 she could get very hard on her horses mouth, an issue I had been discussing with her. At the end of the year finals her horse made a very wide turn because she was leaning and did not set him up right. She came out just sawing away on his mouth. I reached up and yanked her off her horse and said no second run, you are done on this horse-cost her the buckle. Other parents thought I was over reacting, how could I cost her the buckle blah blah blah. She never yanked on a horse again.
Edited by rodeomom3 2017-05-17 6:48 AM
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 Bulls Eye
Posts: 6443
Location: Oklahoma | I'm dealing with this with my 9 year old daughter. She has missed out on her activities because of lying etc. Her friends say I'm mean, but I refuse to allow her to have fun if she can't help out with her chores and the lying. | |
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Warrior Mom
Posts: 4400
| Thanks ya'll. He still hasn't apologized to me about the incident, and he really didn't seem overly disappointed by missing his game.. he's got another coming up Friday and I sure hope he pulls himself together before then, I believe there are 3 games left in the season. My theory is that his father thinks and has always thought we live in a little rinky dink farm town... i.e. hillbilly central... which is far from it! We love our little town, it is a farming town and yes, we have a very small school but it's great and safe! Dad lives in a big city and thinks they have a much better program but it's about an hour away.. he's put a bug in my son's ear about playing out there instead. Which won't happen, and I put THAT bug in his father's ear! | |
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  Fact Checker
Posts: 16572
Location: Displaced Iowegian |  Good for you .... Being a parent is not easy with easy choices....but you made the choice to teach that little boy that there are and WILL be consequences for his actions now and throughout his life..... Hopefully, he has learned that life isn't "fair" when you make bad choices!
Edited by NJJ 2017-05-17 7:38 AM
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 Elite Veteran
Posts: 1182
Location: Do I hear Banjos? | We need more parents like you raising the kids who will one day be the adults we all have to deal with. Your son knew what the consequences would be...and yet he lied and failed and didn't improve his attitude. He is fortunate to have at least one adult in his life that will hold him accountable.
Those other "adults" need to be reminded that What we Allow...We Reinforce. Shame on all of them.
Hold your ground. Be fair but be firm. | |
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Addicted to Baseball
Location: Where the stars at night are big and bright, TX | I would try hard not to worry about what the other parents are gritching about. You're raising a kid and want to raise one with a work ethic, respect for others (which includes his parents and how his actions affect his teammates) and how to invest in himself to make things happen. Making decisions like going back on your word, caving in the moment, he's learning he can act any way he chooses and the adults in his life will let him get what he wants anyway. The inconsistent parenting is going to damage him. And those allowing it are teaching him lying in itself - I lied, you can go to the game/my values are only expressed words that are never put into action and quickly forgotten/my words don't matter/your behavior doesn't matter, etc. etc. Toothless tigers. He'll learn to play/guilt mom and dad and grandma for what he wants - trust me - see it daily. My husband is a child and adolescent therapist and a most common thread that has to be undone is the family has let the tail wag the dog for too long.
Doesn't have to be snarky or shaming, just truths. The rules are, in order to do this, you must do that. How bad do you want to do that....then you must do this first. Period. Hold your ground, he'll rise to meet you.
Assuming the boy isn't struggling with any any deficit or insecurity in his learning, and he's not acting out/starting to show signs of problems with the 2 household rules/the divorce, etc. then I'd move forward assuming he's testing limits as kids do and taking advantage of an open door policy when his parents offer it.  | |
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 Expert
Posts: 3815
Location: The best kept secret in TX | Tough Love Momma. Tough Love. | |
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Warrior Mom
Posts: 4400
| Tilt The Kilt - 2017-05-17 7:55 AM
I would try hard not to worry about what the other parents are gritching about. You're raising a kid and want to raise one with a work ethic, respect for others (which includes his parents and how his actions affect his teammates) and how to invest in himself to make things happen. Making decisions like going back on your word, caving in the moment, he's learning he can act any way he chooses and the adults in his life will let him get what he wants anyway. The inconsistent parenting is going to damage him. And those allowing it are teaching him lying in itself - I lied, you can go to the game/my values are only expressed words that are never put into action and quickly forgotten/my words don't matter/your behavior doesn't matter, etc. etc. Toothless tigers. He'll learn to play/guilt mom and dad and grandma for what he wants - trust me - see it daily. My husband is a child and adolescent therapist and a most common thread that has to be undone is the family has let the tail wag the dog for too long.
Doesn't have to be snarky or shaming, just truths. The rules are, in order to do this, you must do that. How bad do you want to do that....then you must do this first. Period. Hold your ground, he'll rise to meet you.
Assuming the boy isn't struggling with any any deficit or insecurity in his learning, and he's not acting out/starting to show signs of problems with the 2 household rules/the divorce, etc. then I'd move forward assuming he's testing limits as kids do and taking advantage of an open door policy when his parents offer it.
I agree... we've been way to lenient with him.. his grades were stellar up until baseball started, to be honest. His dad fills his head with baseball this , ball that, you are the best on that pathetic team etc etc.. I know this because, my daughter tells me the things that are said at his home! I'm all about my kids having confidence and being built up, but with that, they also need to be taught to stay humble and most importantly, respectful! The boy asked me this morning for $2 I asked what for? He said to buy a jersey at school. I almost gave it to him, but then I told him, you know what, no.. you haven't even apologized to me about yesterday, he muttered out a apology, then asked well where's my bday money? Lol! I said I'm in charge of that too buddy and you aren't getting a dime today. When I dropped them off at school, he wouldn't even say goodbye to me and he obviously was really upset! I couldn't help but question my decision on my way home. I've just gotta believe I'm doing right by him and I really hope this ugly ungrateful, snooty phase will pass! | |
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 Expert
Posts: 5290
| GREAT JOB MOM!!!!!! I am a high school teacher and COACH!!!!! Unfortunately things like this need to happen!! We have some pre madonnas who play sports and think they have the teachers, parents, and coaches begging for them to play!!! Academics come first!!! The absolute best thing you can do is have your SON go to his COACH and TEAM MATES and EXPLAIN to them WHY he didn't play!! Look them in the face and say " I was warned about my grades, I did not learn from my warning and I was not allowed to play". I really wish your EX would be on board with you, and his coach. THat would fix that problem real quick. Sounds like he is going to cry to daddy and coach and make you out to be the bad guy. Hang in there!!!!! My mom warned me if I didn't ride my horses I couldnt go to the rodeo. And guess what......... I didn't go!!!! | |
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Expert
Posts: 5290
| rodeomom3 - 2017-05-17 4:46 AM
Ugg for the other parents. Good for you! When one of my girls was around 12 she could get very hard on her horses mouth, an issue I had been discussing with her. At the end of the year finals her horse made a very wide turn because she was leaning and did not set him up right. She came out just sawing away on his mouth. I reached up and yanked her off her horse and said no second run, you are done on this horse-cost her the buckle. Other parents thought I was over reacting, how could I cost her the buckle blah blah blah. She never yanked on a horse again.
Same happened to me with my mom!!!! And mine went so far as to say if I was ever allowed to run a horse again I had to use rubber bands on my reins where they connect to the bit so if I decided I was going to let anger get in my way I could yank away and I would have nothing !!! Man that worked for learning light hands... lol And I was running her NFR horse at the time so there was NO EXCUSE , he worked perfect every single time. | |
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Warrior Mom
Posts: 4400
| FLITASTIC - 2017-05-17 9:30 AM
GREAT JOB MOM!!!!!! I am a high school teacher and COACH!!!!! Unfortunately things like this need to happen!! We have some pre madonnas who play sports and think they have the teachers, parents, and coaches begging for them to play!!! Academics come first!!! The absolute best thing you can do is have your SON go to his COACH and TEAM MATES and EXPLAIN to them WHY he didn't play!! Look them in the face and say " I was warned about my grades, I did not learn from my warning and I was not allowed to play". I really wish your EX would be on board with you, and his coach. THat would fix that problem real quick. Sounds like he is going to cry to daddy and coach and make you out to be the bad guy. Hang in there!!!!! My mom warned me if I didn't ride my horses I couldnt go to the rodeo. And guess what......... I didn't go!!!!
I too wish he would be on the same page as me... his passive aggressive approach with me this morning on the phone just confirmed one of my worst fears! He will sit there and say he agrees with me and has my back, but then he threw in that maybe I should let my son go live with him and go to school out there.. ummm no.. he!! No!!! He said perhaps a change of environment will help him.. I told him no.. not happening.. he's going to learn to adjust to THIS environment. He's not some troubled kid, failing every grade, getting in fights at school, etc etc... he's an 8 yr old boy who believes he's entitled and wants everything his way. I told my ex I'm gonna be his momma and that's all there is to it! For once in his life, he didn't try to speak over me lol! He then went on and told me the only way our son would play out here next season would be if he gets to be the coach instead of those "hillbillies". Told me everything I needed to know right there... my boy isn't going anywhere until he's old enough to make his own decision. And I do love the idea of making him face his coaches and teammates today at practice and apologizing for not being at the game yesterday. | |
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Extreme Veteran
Posts: 380
| want2chase3 - 2017-05-16 8:13 PM
I have an 8 yr old son (from previous marriage) he started playing baseball (coach pitch) my ex husband is this big time (self proclaimed ) baseball coach.. to be fair, he does give private lessons in his spare time, but anyway, he was really pushing for the boy to play... my son loves baseball so I was all about it. Well he's turned into a very arrogant little twerp! He's really gifted and can play extremely well (for an 8 yr old). The team really needs him. End of the school year, his grades started slipping, I told my ex if the boy doesn't pick up his grades there will be missed games, practices etc etc... well, he failed to make the year end advanced reading reward trip because he lied about reading the books and he failed the tests.. ex husband and I discussed this before, that if he didn't make his average, he would miss an upcoming game... well, we found put Friday he didn't make it.. my ex picked him up from school that day and he said he didn't have the heart to make him skip the next game because he was so bummed out.. that game was today.. I stupidly went along with my ex and was going to allow him to play today. ..
I drove down to pick up the kids at the bus stop and long story short, my son was having a major attitude with me... happens a lot lately! I asked him to take the trash can out of the pickup and he said no! So my younger son said he would, I said fine! Well 8yr old decided to get out and go shove my 5yr old down on the ground.. I lost it! I spanked him and told him he wasn't playing in tonight's game! My mother lives with us and I told her he wasn't going and why, she tried to talk me out of my decision I kinda blew up at her for butting in, this is my son, my choice and I'm sick of his attitude and his arrogance! He needs to learn. I don't want to raise a jerk! Then I called my ex and was met with the same resistance.. I was so upset I just burst into tears! But I put my foot down and he didn't play tonight! We got thru this evening alright, but now here come the group text messages from the coaches and other parents and I saw that my mother was in there texting too! Saying how good the boys played tonight EVEN THOUGH not everyone showed up and the team had to be shuffled around because of "someone's absence etc etc... to be honest, it really miffed me!
I'm not sure what I'm even asking, kinda just venting! I don't feel like I've made the wrong choice in suspending him from the game... honestly he should have been suspended anyway for lying about his reading, like we had discussed!
Parenting comes first and I would have done the same. Not sure why these other parents don't get that. | |
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 A Barrel Of Monkeys
Posts: 12972
Location: Texas | want2chase3 - 2017-05-17 10:14 AM FLITASTIC - 2017-05-17 9:30 AM GREAT JOB MOM!!!!!! I am a high school teacher and COACH!!!!! Unfortunately things like this need to happen!! We have some pre madonnas who play sports and think they have the teachers, parents, and coaches begging for them to play!!! Academics come first!!! The absolute best thing you can do is have your SON go to his COACH and TEAM MATES and EXPLAIN to them WHY he didn't play!! Look them in the face and say " I was warned about my grades, I did not learn from my warning and I was not allowed to play". I really wish your EX would be on board with you, and his coach. THat would fix that problem real quick. Sounds like he is going to cry to daddy and coach and make you out to be the bad guy. Hang in there!!!!! My mom warned me if I didn't ride my horses I couldnt go to the rodeo. And guess what......... I didn't go!!!! I too wish he would be on the same page as me... his passive aggressive approach with me this morning on the phone just confirmed one of my worst fears! He will sit there and say he agrees with me and has my back, but then he threw in that maybe I should let my son go live with him and go to school out there.. ummm no.. he!! No!!! He said perhaps a change of environment will help him.. I told him no.. not happening.. he's going to learn to adjust to THIS environment. He's not some troubled kid, failing every grade, getting in fights at school, etc etc... he's an 8 yr old boy who believes he's entitled and wants everything his way. I told my ex I'm gonna be his momma and that's all there is to it! For once in his life, he didn't try to speak over me lol! He then went on and told me the only way our son would play out here next season would be if he gets to be the coach instead of those "hillbillies". Told me everything I needed to know right there... my boy isn't going anywhere until he's old enough to make his own decision. And I do love the idea of making him face his coaches and teammates today at practice and apologizing for not being at the game yesterday.
 I remember this father of the year several years ago. Too bad he can't get a job across the country and disappear.
I'm sorry, girl - you have your work cut out for you. The dad sets such a terrible example, you'll be playing catch up for the next 10 years. 
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 I Don't Brag
Posts: 6960
| We need more parents like you. Parents who fight for their kids, not for what their kids "want". | |
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Warrior Mom
Posts: 4400
| Fun2Run - 2017-05-17 10:31 AM
want2chase3 - 2017-05-17 10:14 AM FLITASTIC - 2017-05-17 9:30 AM GREAT JOB MOM!!!!!! I am a high school teacher and COACH!!!!! Unfortunately things like this need to happen!! We have some pre madonnas who play sports and think they have the teachers, parents, and coaches begging for them to play!!! Academics come first!!! The absolute best thing you can do is have your SON go to his COACH and TEAM MATES and EXPLAIN to them WHY he didn't play!! Look them in the face and say " I was warned about my grades, I did not learn from my warning and I was not allowed to play". I really wish your EX would be on board with you, and his coach. THat would fix that problem real quick. Sounds like he is going to cry to daddy and coach and make you out to be the bad guy. Hang in there!!!!! My mom warned me if I didn't ride my horses I couldnt go to the rodeo. And guess what......... I didn't go!!!! I too wish he would be on the same page as me... his passive aggressive approach with me this morning on the phone just confirmed one of my worst fears! He will sit there and say he agrees with me and has my back, but then he threw in that maybe I should let my son go live with him and go to school out there.. ummm no.. he!! No!!! He said perhaps a change of environment will help him.. I told him no.. not happening.. he's going to learn to adjust to THIS environment. He's not some troubled kid, failing every grade, getting in fights at school, etc etc... he's an 8 yr old boy who believes he's entitled and wants everything his way. I told my ex I'm gonna be his momma and that's all there is to it! For once in his life, he didn't try to speak over me lol! He then went on and told me the only way our son would play out here next season would be if he gets to be the coach instead of those "hillbillies". Told me everything I needed to know right there... my boy isn't going anywhere until he's old enough to make his own decision. And I do love the idea of making him face his coaches and teammates today at practice and apologizing for not being at the game yesterday.
I'm sorry, girl - you have your work cut out for you. The dad sets such a terrible example, you'll be playing catch up for the next 10 years.
Ugh, that'd be awesome! Lol! I'm very lucky and blessed to have the husband I have now. He's taking my son tonight to his practice and he's going to have him apologize to his coach and teammates for not being at the game because of grades and behavior. He's going to have a talk with his coaches too, should go really well, because my husband is apparently a hillbilly too haha! | |
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Expert
Posts: 5290
| want2chase3 - 2017-05-17 8:14 AM
FLITASTIC - 2017-05-17 9:30 AM
GREAT JOB MOM!!!!!! I am a high school teacher and COACH!!!!! Unfortunately things like this need to happen!! We have some pre madonnas who play sports and think they have the teachers, parents, and coaches begging for them to play!!! Academics come first!!! The absolute best thing you can do is have your SON go to his COACH and TEAM MATES and EXPLAIN to them WHY he didn't play!! Look them in the face and say " I was warned about my grades, I did not learn from my warning and I was not allowed to play". I really wish your EX would be on board with you, and his coach. THat would fix that problem real quick. Sounds like he is going to cry to daddy and coach and make you out to be the bad guy. Hang in there!!!!! My mom warned me if I didn't ride my horses I couldnt go to the rodeo. And guess what......... I didn't go!!!!
I too wish he would be on the same page as me... his passive aggressive approach with me this morning on the phone just confirmed one of my worst fears! He will sit there and say he agrees with me and has my back, but then he threw in that maybe I should let my son go live with him and go to school out there.. ummm no.. he!! No!!! He said perhaps a change of environment will help him.. I told him no.. not happening.. he's going to learn to adjust to THIS environment. He's not some troubled kid, failing every grade, getting in fights at school, etc etc... he's an 8 yr old boy who believes he's entitled and wants everything his way. I told my ex I'm gonna be his momma and that's all there is to it! For once in his life, he didn't try to speak over me lol! He then went on and told me the only way our son would play out here next season would be if he gets to be the coach instead of those "hillbillies". Told me everything I needed to know right there... my boy isn't going anywhere until he's old enough to make his own decision. And I do love the idea of making him face his coaches and teammates today at practice and apologizing for not being at the game yesterday.
Awesome! And good for you standing up to the Ex. I have a degree in Adolescent abnormal Psych. Your Ex is most likely living his life through his son. Doesnt even know he is doing it. Be prepared for him to give his own opinions of YOU to his son. I really hope not, I don't like when parents try and persuade their kids to favor one parent over the other. And its difficult with an 8 year old, they cannot see it that way and it can't be explained at that age. Your son will likely favor his father just because he gets to play baseball with no consequences. Just be prepared and try not to take it personal. Kids operate on a reward system. Positive feedback from dad and consequences with you. BUT, you can demand he act as you wish while he is in YOUR HOUSE/CARE. He will learn. | |
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 Toastest with the Mostest
Posts: 5712
Location: That part of Texas | want2chase3 - 2017-05-17 10:14 AM FLITASTIC - 2017-05-17 9:30 AM GREAT JOB MOM!!!!!! I am a high school teacher and COACH!!!!! Unfortunately things like this need to happen!! We have some pre madonnas who play sports and think they have the teachers, parents, and coaches begging for them to play!!! Academics come first!!! The absolute best thing you can do is have your SON go to his COACH and TEAM MATES and EXPLAIN to them WHY he didn't play!! Look them in the face and say " I was warned about my grades, I did not learn from my warning and I was not allowed to play". I really wish your EX would be on board with you, and his coach. THat would fix that problem real quick. Sounds like he is going to cry to daddy and coach and make you out to be the bad guy. Hang in there!!!!! My mom warned me if I didn't ride my horses I couldnt go to the rodeo. And guess what......... I didn't go!!!! I too wish he would be on the same page as me... his passive aggressive approach with me this morning on the phone just confirmed one of my worst fears! He will sit there and say he agrees with me and has my back, but then he threw in that maybe I should let my son go live with him and go to school out there.. ummm no.. he!! No!!! He said perhaps a change of environment will help him.. I told him no.. not happening.. he's going to learn to adjust to THIS environment. He's not some troubled kid, failing every grade, getting in fights at school, etc etc... he's an 8 yr old boy who believes he's entitled and wants everything his way. I told my ex I'm gonna be his momma and that's all there is to it! For once in his life, he didn't try to speak over me lol! He then went on and told me the only way our son would play out here next season would be if he gets to be the coach instead of those "hillbillies". Told me everything I needed to know right there... my boy isn't going anywhere until he's old enough to make his own decision. And I do love the idea of making him face his coaches and teammates today at practice and apologizing for not being at the game yesterday.
I just want to say that I support what you are doing and acknowledge you are in a difficult situation. That being said, you do realize you just called a guy about a problem and he did what guys usually do best = try to find solutions? I don't see it as so much passive-aggressive behavior on his part but an end to being a "venting spot" and turning the conversation into a solution/action deal in his mind. Most guys I know can only take so much venting before they move into that mode because they handle the stress of problems by fixing, not talking. I'm sure this is not the first conversation on the topic and he has probably picked up some of the bad things about the situation from your rants. His ideas are his solutions and while that doesn't mean you have to like or accept them as a course of action, just realize how much of that "passive-aggressive" altercation might not be so much that but him offering solutions from his POV. | |
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 Born not Made
Posts: 2931
Location: North Dakota | You are a good mom. I would do the same thing. Stick to your guns -- if you say he can't play if he doesn't have his grades at a certain level, then stick with it. Do what you have to do to get your ex-husband on board and backing you up and not being a push over (good lord, he's an adult and should have a little backbone for an 8 yr old!).
Hang in there. I wish there were more parents like you.
With my job, I see lots of kids. And it's very evident which parents have it together (like you) and which parents are total push overs and let their kids do whatever they want. And it makes my job very difficult to deal with the spoiled ones.
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 Undercover Amish Mafia Member
Posts: 9991
Location: Kansas | My daughter is just starting out and plays t-ball......I can tell you even at 4-6 years old, some of those kids have absolutely horrible show boat attitudes and treat their teammakes like crap. Some of the parents act the same, makes me want to punch a few of those moms in the face....but gotta keep the composure lol.
I applaud you for putting your foot down, because I would have done the same. | |
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Warrior Mom
Posts: 4400
| Red Raider - 2017-05-17 11:13 AM
want2chase3 - 2017-05-17 10:14 AM FLITASTIC - 2017-05-17 9:30 AM GREAT JOB MOM!!!!!! I am a high school teacher and COACH!!!!! Unfortunately things like this need to happen!! We have some pre madonnas who play sports and think they have the teachers, parents, and coaches begging for them to play!!! Academics come first!!! The absolute best thing you can do is have your SON go to his COACH and TEAM MATES and EXPLAIN to them WHY he didn't play!! Look them in the face and say " I was warned about my grades, I did not learn from my warning and I was not allowed to play". I really wish your EX would be on board with you, and his coach. THat would fix that problem real quick. Sounds like he is going to cry to daddy and coach and make you out to be the bad guy. Hang in there!!!!! My mom warned me if I didn't ride my horses I couldnt go to the rodeo. And guess what......... I didn't go!!!! I too wish he would be on the same page as me... his passive aggressive approach with me this morning on the phone just confirmed one of my worst fears! He will sit there and say he agrees with me and has my back, but then he threw in that maybe I should let my son go live with him and go to school out there.. ummm no.. he!! No!!! He said perhaps a change of environment will help him.. I told him no.. not happening.. he's going to learn to adjust to THIS environment. He's not some troubled kid, failing every grade, getting in fights at school, etc etc... he's an 8 yr old boy who believes he's entitled and wants everything his way. I told my ex I'm gonna be his momma and that's all there is to it! For once in his life, he didn't try to speak over me lol! He then went on and told me the only way our son would play out here next season would be if he gets to be the coach instead of those "hillbillies". Told me everything I needed to know right there... my boy isn't going anywhere until he's old enough to make his own decision. And I do love the idea of making him face his coaches and teammates today at practice and apologizing for not being at the game yesterday.
I totally understand and respect what you are saying here, but you have no idea what type of person my ex is, granted we've come a long way and are trying to co-parent as best as we can... I do not call him to rant or vent I call him when I'm making a decision about our son, especially when it comes to holding him back from a game since my ex drives an hour to be there for it. This is the man that divorced me and asked me to leave "his" house when our son was just 3 months old, same guy that told me he most likely wouldn't be spending much time with the boy because he didn't want to get too close to him because he knew ultimately I would remarry and another man would be raising him. I don't want to get too off topic here, but just giving you a little insight to this persons mentality here. Like I said, we've come a long way to try and get along and communicate when it comes to the kids, because there was a time where we couldn't be in the same room without daggers flying. My ex is extremely arrogant, pompous and narcissistic and I don't want my son to be anything like that and I've just been seeing little things here and there that have me concerned. | |
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Veteran
Posts: 291
| I like that you spanked him!!! There is a whole lot of kids (not all of them) in this world that need a good spanking once in a while.
Congrats-Stick to your guns and you'll have awesome children that will turn out to be great adults.
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Warrior Mom
Posts: 4400
| hoofs_in_motion - 2017-05-17 11:22 AM
My daughter is just starting out and plays t-ball......I can tell you even at 4-6 years old, some of those kids have absolutely horrible show boat attitudes and treat their teammakes like crap. Some of the parents act the same, makes me want to punch a few of those moms in the face....but gotta keep the composure lol.
I applaud you for putting your foot down, because I would have done the same.
I can't believe some of the things I hear from other parents while sitting in the stands at these games! It's coach pitch for crying out loud! Here I thought horse shows were rough lol! The very first practice these boys had I heard the coaches telling them during our games to not listen to ANYONE but the coach... not your folks, grandma or grandpa, or friends. Lol! Not sure if the kids listen but they've got a lot of hollering going on the other side of the fence! | |
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 Veteran
Posts: 206
Location: Downsouth | want2chase3 - 2017-05-16 8:13 PM
I have an 8 yr old son (from previous marriage) he started playing baseball (coach pitch) my ex husband is this big time (self proclaimed ) baseball coach.. to be fair, he does give private lessons in his spare time, but anyway, he was really pushing for the boy to play... my son loves baseball so I was all about it. Well he's turned into a very arrogant little twerp! He's really gifted and can play extremely well (for an 8 yr old). The team really needs him. End of the school year, his grades started slipping, I told my ex if the boy doesn't pick up his grades there will be missed games, practices etc etc... well, he failed to make the year end advanced reading reward trip because he lied about reading the books and he failed the tests.. ex husband and I discussed this before, that if he didn't make his average, he would miss an upcoming game... well, we found put Friday he didn't make it.. my ex picked him up from school that day and he said he didn't have the heart to make him skip the next game because he was so bummed out.. that game was today.. I stupidly went along with my ex and was going to allow him to play today. ..
I drove down to pick up the kids at the bus stop and long story short, my son was having a major attitude with me... happens a lot lately! I asked him to take the trash can out of the pickup and he said no! So my younger son said he would, I said fine! Well 8yr old decided to get out and go shove my 5yr old down on the ground.. I lost it! I spanked him and told him he wasn't playing in tonight's game! My mother lives with us and I told her he wasn't going and why, she tried to talk me out of my decision I kinda blew up at her for butting in, this is my son, my choice and I'm sick of his attitude and his arrogance! He needs to learn. I don't want to raise a jerk! Then I called my ex and was met with the same resistance.. I was so upset I just burst into tears! But I put my foot down and he didn't play tonight! We got thru this evening alright, but now here come the group text messages from the coaches and other parents and I saw that my mother was in there texting too! Saying how good the boys played tonight EVEN THOUGH not everyone showed up and the team had to be shuffled around because of "someone's absence etc etc... to be honest, it really miffed me!
I'm not sure what I'm even asking, kinda just venting! I don't feel like I've made the wrong choice in suspending him from the game... honestly he should have been suspended anyway for lying about his reading, like we had discussed!
After telling me "no" to taking the trash out, he would not have been physically able to play in that game. | |
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 BHW Resident Surgeon
Posts: 25351
Location: Bastrop, Texas | You won my vote for "Mother of the Year". You set standards and minimum expectations, and he didn't meet them, so there were consequences. He acted like a dink toward your 5 year old, and you tanned his haughty ass. I am a big believer in spankings, when called for. Make sure they hurt and leave a nice red hand mark on their ass too. I used to refer to spankings by saying they were "consequences", so my kids didn't call them spankings. When I would give one of my beloved little snots that "look" they knew they were in trouble, and they would say, "Please dad, I don't want a consequence". True story.
Anyway, I respect what you did and your parenting style. Stick to your guns.....you will not regret it and your kids will love you all the more for it, in the end. | |
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 The Vaccinator
Posts: 3810
Location: Slipping down the slope of old age. Boo hoo. | Bear - 2017-05-17 4:30 PM
You won my vote for "Mother of the Year". You set standards and minimum expectations, and he didn't meet them, so there were consequences. He acted like a dink toward your 5 year old, and you tanned his haughty ass. I am a big believer in spankings, when called for. Make sure they hurt and leave a nice red hand mark on their ass too. I used to refer to spankings by saying they were "consequences", so my kids didn't call them spankings. When I would give one of my beloved little snots that "look" they knew they were in trouble, and they would say, "Please dad, I don't want a consequence". True story.
Anyway, I respect what you did and your parenting style. Stick to your guns.....you will not regret it and your kids will love you all the more for it, in the end.
Ditto. You get my vote for mom of the year, too. You did the absolute right thing -- you are working to raise a decent, thoughtful human being -- not a jerk. Stick to your guns. Ignore the comments of others. | |
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Expert
Posts: 3815
Location: The best kept secret in TX | Bear - 2017-05-17 4:30 PM You won my vote for "Mother of the Year". You set standards and minimum expectations, and he didn't meet them, so there were consequences. He acted like a dink toward your 5 year old, and you tanned his haughty ass. I am a big believer in spankings, when called for. Make sure they hurt and leave a nice red hand mark on their ass too. I used to refer to spankings by saying they were "consequences", so my kids didn't call them spankings. When I would give one of my beloved little snots that "look" they knew they were in trouble, and they would say, "Please dad, I don't want a consequence". True story. Anyway, I respect what you did and your parenting style. Stick to your guns.....you will not regret it and your kids will love you all the more for it, in the end.
This^
My Two Year old calls them "Pops".
I'll look at her when she's doing something she knows she isn't supposed to do and say: "Do you need a pop for not obeying?"
She'll say: "No Ma'am. No Pop. I sit." And she'll come sit in my lap and ask for a kiss and say: "Lob (Love) you Mum" . HAHA | |
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Warrior Mom
Posts: 4400
| No shortage of spankings in my house! My husband and I both spank if needed and it's no tap either... they feel it and try to cover their bums with their hands.. I've mastered grabbing their hands and holding them between my knees while I spank that butt!
He's headed off to his practice with my husband, the look on his face when my hubby told him he will be apologizing to coach and his teammates, was purely mortified. I hope he learns a lot from this experience!
Thanks to each and everyone of you that offered up advice and stories and giving me the reassurance I needed. | |
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Shelter Dog Lover
Posts: 10277
| want2chase3 - 2017-05-17 11:28 AM Red Raider - 2017-05-17 11:13 AM want2chase3 - 2017-05-17 10:14 AM FLITASTIC - 2017-05-17 9:30 AM GREAT JOB MOM!!!!!! I am a high school teacher and COACH!!!!! Unfortunately things like this need to happen!! We have some pre madonnas who play sports and think they have the teachers, parents, and coaches begging for them to play!!! Academics come first!!! The absolute best thing you can do is have your SON go to his COACH and TEAM MATES and EXPLAIN to them WHY he didn't play!! Look them in the face and say " I was warned about my grades, I did not learn from my warning and I was not allowed to play". I really wish your EX would be on board with you, and his coach. THat would fix that problem real quick. Sounds like he is going to cry to daddy and coach and make you out to be the bad guy. Hang in there!!!!! My mom warned me if I didn't ride my horses I couldnt go to the rodeo. And guess what......... I didn't go!!!! I too wish he would be on the same page as me... his passive aggressive approach with me this morning on the phone just confirmed one of my worst fears! He will sit there and say he agrees with me and has my back, but then he threw in that maybe I should let my son go live with him and go to school out there.. ummm no.. he!! No!!! He said perhaps a change of environment will help him.. I told him no.. not happening.. he's going to learn to adjust to THIS environment. He's not some troubled kid, failing every grade, getting in fights at school, etc etc... he's an 8 yr old boy who believes he's entitled and wants everything his way. I told my ex I'm gonna be his momma and that's all there is to it! For once in his life, he didn't try to speak over me lol! He then went on and told me the only way our son would play out here next season would be if he gets to be the coach instead of those "hillbillies". Told me everything I needed to know right there... my boy isn't going anywhere until he's old enough to make his own decision. And I do love the idea of making him face his coaches and teammates today at practice and apologizing for not being at the game yesterday. I totally understand and respect what you are saying here, but you have no idea what type of person my ex is, granted we've come a long way and are trying to co-parent as best as we can... I do not call him to rant or vent I call him when I'm making a decision about our son, especially when it comes to holding him back from a game since my ex drives an hour to be there for it. This is the man that divorced me and asked me to leave "his" house when our son was just 3 months old, same guy that told me he most likely wouldn't be spending much time with the boy because he didn't want to get too close to him because he knew ultimately I would remarry and another man would be raising him. I don't want to get too off topic here, but just giving you a little insight to this persons mentality here. Like I said, we've come a long way to try and get along and communicate when it comes to the kids, because there was a time where we couldn't be in the same room without daggers flying. My ex is extremely arrogant, pompous and narcissistic and I don't want my son to be anything like that and I've just been seeing little things here and there that have me concerned.
Edited by rodeomom3 2017-05-17 5:32 PM
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Addicted to Baseball
Location: Where the stars at night are big and bright, TX | want2chase3 - 2017-05-17 8:49 AM I agree... we've been way to lenient with him.. his grades were stellar up until baseball started, to be honest. His dad fills his head with baseball this , ball that, you are the best on that pathetic team etc etc.. I know this because, my daughter tells me the things that are said at his home! I'm all about my kids having confidence and being built up, but with that, they also need to be taught to stay humble and most importantly, respectful! The boy asked me this morning for $2 I asked what for? He said to buy a jersey at school. I almost gave it to him, but then I told him, you know what, no.. you haven't even apologized to me about yesterday, he muttered out a apology, then asked well where's my bday money? Lol! I said I'm in charge of that too buddy and you aren't getting a dime today. When I dropped them off at school, he wouldn't even say goodbye to me and he obviously was really upset! I couldn't help but question my decision on my way home. I've just gotta believe I'm doing right by him and I really hope this ugly ungrateful, snooty phase will pass!
As my husband says, he can get mad and glad in the same clothes. 
You put it back on him to think about actions have consequences...that's good. Don't question yourself. All he has to do is say he's sorry, show some respect for family, apply himself again...he had the grades once. Set a limit about grades and ball and get dad to stick with the expectation. Doesn't sound like a hill your kid can't climb. 
Edited by Tilt The Kilt 2017-05-17 7:13 PM
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Warrior Mom
Posts: 4400
| rodeomom3 - 2017-05-17 5:30 PM
want2chase3 - 2017-05-17 11:28 AM Red Raider - 2017-05-17 11:13 AM want2chase3 - 2017-05-17 10:14 AM FLITASTIC - 2017-05-17 9:30 AM GREAT JOB MOM!!!!!! I am a high school teacher and COACH!!!!! Unfortunately things like this need to happen!! We have some pre madonnas who play sports and think they have the teachers, parents, and coaches begging for them to play!!! Academics come first!!! The absolute best thing you can do is have your SON go to his COACH and TEAM MATES and EXPLAIN to them WHY he didn't play!! Look them in the face and say " I was warned about my grades, I did not learn from my warning and I was not allowed to play". I really wish your EX would be on board with you, and his coach. THat would fix that problem real quick. Sounds like he is going to cry to daddy and coach and make you out to be the bad guy. Hang in there!!!!! My mom warned me if I didn't ride my horses I couldnt go to the rodeo. And guess what......... I didn't go!!!! I too wish he would be on the same page as me... his passive aggressive approach with me this morning on the phone just confirmed one of my worst fears! He will sit there and say he agrees with me and has my back, but then he threw in that maybe I should let my son go live with him and go to school out there.. ummm no.. he!! No!!! He said perhaps a change of environment will help him.. I told him no.. not happening.. he's going to learn to adjust to THIS environment. He's not some troubled kid, failing every grade, getting in fights at school, etc etc... he's an 8 yr old boy who believes he's entitled and wants everything his way. I told my ex I'm gonna be his momma and that's all there is to it! For once in his life, he didn't try to speak over me lol! He then went on and told me the only way our son would play out here next season would be if he gets to be the coach instead of those "hillbillies". Told me everything I needed to know right there... my boy isn't going anywhere until he's old enough to make his own decision. And I do love the idea of making him face his coaches and teammates today at practice and apologizing for not being at the game yesterday. I totally understand and respect what you are saying here, but you have no idea what type of person my ex is, granted we've come a long way and are trying to co-parent as best as we can... I do not call him to rant or vent I call him when I'm making a decision about our son, especially when it comes to holding him back from a game since my ex drives an hour to be there for it. This is the man that divorced me and asked me to leave "his" house when our son was just 3 months old, same guy that told me he most likely wouldn't be spending much time with the boy because he didn't want to get too close to him because he knew ultimately I would remarry and another man would be raising him. I don't want to get too off topic here, but just giving you a little insight to this persons mentality here. Like I said, we've come a long way to try and get along and communicate when it comes to the kids, because there was a time where we couldn't be in the same room without daggers flying. My ex is extremely arrogant, pompous and narcissistic and I don't want my son to be anything like that and I've just been seeing little things here and there that have me concerned.
You are correct, he's a very controlling person, he's 10 yrs my senior also and still thinks he can control or manipulate me while trying to be smooth and act like he's got my best interest in mind.. I use to buy that.. but not anymore.. I honestly thought we had lost connection today over the phone because he was so quiet when I was saying my peice about our son NOT moving out of my house.. I was pretty heated and I was he!! bent on getting my point across. | |
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My Heart Be Happy
Posts: 9159
Location: Arkansas | want2chase3 - 2017-05-17 7:37 AM
Thanks ya'll. He still hasn't apologized to me about the incident, and he really didn't seem overly disappointed by missing his game.. he's got another coming up Friday and I sure hope he pulls himself together before then, I believe there are 3 games left in the season. My theory is that his father thinks and has always thought we live in a little rinky dink farm town... i.e. hillbilly central... which is far from it! We love our little town, it is a farming town and yes, we have a very small school but it's great and safe! Dad lives in a big city and thinks they have a much better program but it's about an hour away.. he's put a bug in my son's ear about playing out there instead. Which won't happen, and I put THAT bug in his father's ear!
You are making me prouder of you every time you post Momma | |
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My Heart Be Happy
Posts: 9159
Location: Arkansas | TrailGirl - 2017-05-17 7:45 AM
We need more parents like you raising the kids who will one day be the adults we all have to deal with. Your son knew what the consequences would be...and yet he lied and failed and didn't improve his attitude. He is fortunate to have at least one adult in his life that will hold him accountable.
Those other "adults" need to be reminded that What we Allow...We Reinforce. Shame on all of them.
Hold your ground. Be fair but be firm.
I like what you said----and also what we allow, we will deal with in the future. . . .
When Chan was about 9 or 10 he was riding in some local Jr rodeos and playdays. He started out with just the horse events. Then, Lord help us, he decided to get off a perfectly good horse that didn't want to kill him onto bulls. . . . We were going pretty much every weekend to little arenas in AR and LA. Then two of his buddies decided they wanted to ride bulls, too. So we were hauling horses and kids and loving it. One Saturday we got to an arena and I told him to get Two out and I'd help him start brushing and booting,etc. He kinda drug around and then I lost him--he had gone to "check things out" with his friends. (They didn't have horses and weren't into them at all.) I found him and I was mostly "quiet" as I told him to get his horse ready NOW. That the horse events were first and she needed warmed up. He told me he wasn't riding anything but bulls tonight. I didn't take it well to say the least. He walked off and I did what I shouldn't of course; I warmed Two up myself. For her benefit tho, not for him. When it got time for barrels, he rode, but after acted like a total turd. I told him when bulls came up that he better enjoy it, because if his attitude stayed like it was, this was his last ride of any kind--period. I figured he didn't believe me, but that week he practiced, and when we got to the arena he got Two out, sprayed, brushed (that was always my job cause I just enjoy that time with her), saddled, and booted all by himself. Shocked me to no end. I HOPE I would have held up to what I said I was gonna do, but I think you are awesome for putting your boots down and MEANING what you say. Great parenting, my friend.
Edited by Chandler's Mom 2017-05-17 10:31 PM
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 Elite Veteran
Posts: 933
Location: north dakota | I go with the the I provide a roof over your head and food to eat, everything else is a priveledge philosophy. I think you are doing the correct thing. I also found if they have to earn the privilege vs taking away something they respond better. | |
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Warrior Mom
Posts: 4400
| Chandler's Mom - 2017-05-17 7:47 PM
TrailGirl - 2017-05-17 7:45 AM
We need more parents like you raising the kids who will one day be the adults we all have to deal with. Your son knew what the consequences would be...and yet he lied and failed and didn't improve his attitude. He is fortunate to have at least one adult in his life that will hold him accountable.
Those other "adults" need to be reminded that What we Allow...We Reinforce. Shame on all of them.
Hold your ground. Be fair but be firm.
I like what you said----and also what we allow, we will deal with in the future. . . .
When Chan was about 9 or 10 he was riding in some local Jr rodeos and playdays. He started out with just the horse events. Then, Lord help us, he decided to get off a perfectly good horse that didn't want to kill him onto bulls. . . . We were going pretty much every weekend to little arenas in AR and LA. Then two of his buddies decided they wanted to ride bulls, too. So we were hauling horses and kids and loving it. One Saturday we got to an arena and I told him to get Two out and I'd help him start brushing and booting,etc. He kinda drug around and then I lost him--he had gone to "check things out" with his friends. (They didn't have horses and weren't into them at all. ) I found him and I was mostly "quiet" as I told him to get his horse ready NOW. That the horse events were first and she needed warmed up. He told me he wasn't riding anything but bulls tonight. I didn't take it well to say the least. He walked off and I did what I shouldn't of course; I warmed Two up myself. For her benefit tho, not for him. When it got time for barrels, he rode, but after acted like a total turd. I told him when bulls came up that he better enjoy it, because if his attitude stayed like it was, this was his last ride of any kind--period. I figured he didn't believe me, but that week he practiced, and when we got to the arena he got Two out, sprayed, brushed (that was always my job cause I just enjoy that time with her ), saddled, and booted all by himself. Shocked me to no end. I HOPE I would have held up to what I said I was gonna do, but I think you are awesome for putting your boots down and MEANING what you say. Great parenting, my friend.
Glad he turned around for you! It's tough on us moms, especially with those little boys! I'm so glad I was able to stick to my guns on him missing that game... when he came home from practice yesterday he walked into the house and came up behind me and threw his arms around my neck while I was sitting at the table. He gave me a big hug for really no reason lol! I love those moments. They are rare with him. My husband said he apologized to coach and his whole team in the dugout. Low and behold, my ex did show up too.. but my husband said everything was cool and he followed my husband's lead on the situation. (Surprisingly ). Coach told my husband he totally understood, he's a parent too to a young boy on the team. He just suggested next time that we make him dress in his uniform and they will bench him instead of us just keeping him home.. I'm not sure how I feel on that, I can see that stinging him, but that dugout is full of his buddies from school and I know they play around a lot in there. | |
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I just read the headlines
Posts: 4483
| want2chase3 - 2017-05-18 9:01 AM
Chandler's Mom - 2017-05-17 7:47 PM
TrailGirl - 2017-05-17 7:45 AM
We need more parents like you raising the kids who will one day be the adults we all have to deal with. Your son knew what the consequences would be...and yet he lied and failed and didn't improve his attitude. He is fortunate to have at least one adult in his life that will hold him accountable.
Those other "adults" need to be reminded that What we Allow...We Reinforce. Shame on all of them.
Hold your ground. Be fair but be firm.
I like what you said----and also what we allow, we will deal with in the future. . . .
When Chan was about 9 or 10 he was riding in some local Jr rodeos and playdays. He started out with just the horse events. Then, Lord help us, he decided to get off a perfectly good horse that didn't want to kill him onto bulls. . . . We were going pretty much every weekend to little arenas in AR and LA. Then two of his buddies decided they wanted to ride bulls, too. So we were hauling horses and kids and loving it. One Saturday we got to an arena and I told him to get Two out and I'd help him start brushing and booting,etc. He kinda drug around and then I lost him--he had gone to "check things out" with his friends. (They didn't have horses and weren't into them at all. ) I found him and I was mostly "quiet" as I told him to get his horse ready NOW. That the horse events were first and she needed warmed up. He told me he wasn't riding anything but bulls tonight. I didn't take it well to say the least. He walked off and I did what I shouldn't of course; I warmed Two up myself. For her benefit tho, not for him. When it got time for barrels, he rode, but after acted like a total turd. I told him when bulls came up that he better enjoy it, because if his attitude stayed like it was, this was his last ride of any kind--period. I figured he didn't believe me, but that week he practiced, and when we got to the arena he got Two out, sprayed, brushed (that was always my job cause I just enjoy that time with her ), saddled, and booted all by himself. Shocked me to no end. I HOPE I would have held up to what I said I was gonna do, but I think you are awesome for putting your boots down and MEANING what you say. Great parenting, my friend.
Glad he turned around for you! It's tough on us moms, especially with those little boys! I'm so glad I was able to stick to my guns on him missing that game... when he came home from practice yesterday he walked into the house and came up behind me and threw his arms around my neck while I was sitting at the table. He gave me a big hug for really no reason lol! I love those moments. They are rare with him. My husband said he apologized to coach and his whole team in the dugout. Low and behold, my ex did show up too.. but my husband said everything was cool and he followed my husband's lead on the situation. (Surprisingly ). Coach told my husband he totally understood, he's a parent too to a young boy on the team. He just suggested next time that we make him dress in his uniform and they will bench him instead of us just keeping him home.. I'm not sure how I feel on that, I can see that stinging him, but that dugout is full of his buddies from school and I know they play around a lot in there.
Believe me, sitting in the dugout dressed to play but knowing you are NOT playing will be way worse than staying at home. My son was very involved in all sports and it killed him to have to set out one inning or down of plays so another kid could get a chance to play, or watch someone show his heifer because he couldn't. It is a pain to take them to the game knowing they will not play, but my experience was the moms respected me more for trying to keep my son from being that obnoxious kid who thinks the team can't win with out him or that he was too good to have to follow the rules.
You are doing a great job! | |
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Warrior Mom
Posts: 4400
| GLP - 2017-05-18 9:12 AM
want2chase3 - 2017-05-18 9:01 AM
Chandler's Mom - 2017-05-17 7:47 PM
TrailGirl - 2017-05-17 7:45 AM
We need more parents like you raising the kids who will one day be the adults we all have to deal with. Your son knew what the consequences would be...and yet he lied and failed and didn't improve his attitude. He is fortunate to have at least one adult in his life that will hold him accountable.
Those other "adults" need to be reminded that What we Allow...We Reinforce. Shame on all of them.
Hold your ground. Be fair but be firm.
I like what you said----and also what we allow, we will deal with in the future. . . .
When Chan was about 9 or 10 he was riding in some local Jr rodeos and playdays. He started out with just the horse events. Then, Lord help us, he decided to get off a perfectly good horse that didn't want to kill him onto bulls. . . . We were going pretty much every weekend to little arenas in AR and LA. Then two of his buddies decided they wanted to ride bulls, too. So we were hauling horses and kids and loving it. One Saturday we got to an arena and I told him to get Two out and I'd help him start brushing and booting,etc. He kinda drug around and then I lost him--he had gone to "check things out" with his friends. (They didn't have horses and weren't into them at all. ) I found him and I was mostly "quiet" as I told him to get his horse ready NOW. That the horse events were first and she needed warmed up. He told me he wasn't riding anything but bulls tonight. I didn't take it well to say the least. He walked off and I did what I shouldn't of course; I warmed Two up myself. For her benefit tho, not for him. When it got time for barrels, he rode, but after acted like a total turd. I told him when bulls came up that he better enjoy it, because if his attitude stayed like it was, this was his last ride of any kind--period. I figured he didn't believe me, but that week he practiced, and when we got to the arena he got Two out, sprayed, brushed (that was always my job cause I just enjoy that time with her ), saddled, and booted all by himself. Shocked me to no end. I HOPE I would have held up to what I said I was gonna do, but I think you are awesome for putting your boots down and MEANING what you say. Great parenting, my friend.
Glad he turned around for you! It's tough on us moms, especially with those little boys! I'm so glad I was able to stick to my guns on him missing that game... when he came home from practice yesterday he walked into the house and came up behind me and threw his arms around my neck while I was sitting at the table. He gave me a big hug for really no reason lol! I love those moments. They are rare with him. My husband said he apologized to coach and his whole team in the dugout. Low and behold, my ex did show up too.. but my husband said everything was cool and he followed my husband's lead on the situation. (Surprisingly ). Coach told my husband he totally understood, he's a parent too to a young boy on the team. He just suggested next time that we make him dress in his uniform and they will bench him instead of us just keeping him home.. I'm not sure how I feel on that, I can see that stinging him, but that dugout is full of his buddies from school and I know they play around a lot in there.
Believe me, sitting in the dugout dressed to play but knowing you are NOT playing will be way worse than staying at home. My son was very involved in all sports and it killed him to have to set out one inning or down of plays so another kid could get a chance to play, or watch someone show his heifer because he couldn't. It is a pain to take them to the game knowing they will not play, but my experience was the moms respected me more for trying to keep my son from being that obnoxious kid who thinks the team can't win with out him or that he was too good to have to follow the rules.
You are doing a great job!
I'm sure you are right. Hopefully there won't be another time, but if there is, he will be benched. I think it was really helpful that my husband took him to practice yesterday and stood by his side while he apologized. They've always had a good relationship but this made it even better.. he's been in my son's life since he was just 1yr old. I sometimes wonder if my son understands the whole step dad situation, he's never asked. My hubby treats him just as his own... that includes disiplining and making decisions. I'm thankful for that! | |
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I just read the headlines
Posts: 4483
| want2chase3 - 2017-05-18 1:46 PM
GLP - 2017-05-18 9:12 AM
want2chase3 - 2017-05-18 9:01 AM
Chandler's Mom - 2017-05-17 7:47 PM
TrailGirl - 2017-05-17 7:45 AM
We need more parents like you raising the kids who will one day be the adults we all have to deal with. Your son knew what the consequences would be...and yet he lied and failed and didn't improve his attitude. He is fortunate to have at least one adult in his life that will hold him accountable.
Those other "adults" need to be reminded that What we Allow...We Reinforce. Shame on all of them.
Hold your ground. Be fair but be firm.
I like what you said----and also what we allow, we will deal with in the future. . . .
When Chan was about 9 or 10 he was riding in some local Jr rodeos and playdays. He started out with just the horse events. Then, Lord help us, he decided to get off a perfectly good horse that didn't want to kill him onto bulls. . . . We were going pretty much every weekend to little arenas in AR and LA. Then two of his buddies decided they wanted to ride bulls, too. So we were hauling horses and kids and loving it. One Saturday we got to an arena and I told him to get Two out and I'd help him start brushing and booting,etc. He kinda drug around and then I lost him--he had gone to "check things out" with his friends. (They didn't have horses and weren't into them at all. ) I found him and I was mostly "quiet" as I told him to get his horse ready NOW. That the horse events were first and she needed warmed up. He told me he wasn't riding anything but bulls tonight. I didn't take it well to say the least. He walked off and I did what I shouldn't of course; I warmed Two up myself. For her benefit tho, not for him. When it got time for barrels, he rode, but after acted like a total turd. I told him when bulls came up that he better enjoy it, because if his attitude stayed like it was, this was his last ride of any kind--period. I figured he didn't believe me, but that week he practiced, and when we got to the arena he got Two out, sprayed, brushed (that was always my job cause I just enjoy that time with her ), saddled, and booted all by himself. Shocked me to no end. I HOPE I would have held up to what I said I was gonna do, but I think you are awesome for putting your boots down and MEANING what you say. Great parenting, my friend.
Glad he turned around for you! It's tough on us moms, especially with those little boys! I'm so glad I was able to stick to my guns on him missing that game... when he came home from practice yesterday he walked into the house and came up behind me and threw his arms around my neck while I was sitting at the table. He gave me a big hug for really no reason lol! I love those moments. They are rare with him. My husband said he apologized to coach and his whole team in the dugout. Low and behold, my ex did show up too.. but my husband said everything was cool and he followed my husband's lead on the situation. (Surprisingly ). Coach told my husband he totally understood, he's a parent too to a young boy on the team. He just suggested next time that we make him dress in his uniform and they will bench him instead of us just keeping him home.. I'm not sure how I feel on that, I can see that stinging him, but that dugout is full of his buddies from school and I know they play around a lot in there.
Believe me, sitting in the dugout dressed to play but knowing you are NOT playing will be way worse than staying at home. My son was very involved in all sports and it killed him to have to set out one inning or down of plays so another kid could get a chance to play, or watch someone show his heifer because he couldn't. It is a pain to take them to the game knowing they will not play, but my experience was the moms respected me more for trying to keep my son from being that obnoxious kid who thinks the team can't win with out him or that he was too good to have to follow the rules.
You are doing a great job!
I'm sure you are right. Hopefully there won't be another time, but if there is, he will be benched. I think it was really helpful that my husband took him to practice yesterday and stood by his side while he apologized. They've always had a good relationship but this made it even better.. he's been in my son's life since he was just 1yr old. I sometimes wonder if my son understands the whole step dad situation, he's never asked. My hubby treats him just as his own... that includes disiplining and making decisions. I'm thankful for that!
I think he is going to be fine. He has a good mama and step dad to love him and keep him in line. It kinda sounds like maybe his dad is starting to see the light about sports, too. | |
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My Heart Be Happy
Posts: 9159
Location: Arkansas | want2chase3 - 2017-05-18 1:46 PM
GLP - 2017-05-18 9:12 AM
want2chase3 - 2017-05-18 9:01 AM
Chandler's Mom - 2017-05-17 7:47 PM
TrailGirl - 2017-05-17 7:45 AM
We need more parents like you raising the kids who will one day be the adults we all have to deal with. Your son knew what the consequences would be...and yet he lied and failed and didn't improve his attitude. He is fortunate to have at least one adult in his life that will hold him accountable.
Those other "adults" need to be reminded that What we Allow...We Reinforce. Shame on all of them.
Hold your ground. Be fair but be firm.
I like what you said----and also what we allow, we will deal with in the future. . . .
When Chan was about 9 or 10 he was riding in some local Jr rodeos and playdays. He started out with just the horse events. Then, Lord help us, he decided to get off a perfectly good horse that didn't want to kill him onto bulls. . . . We were going pretty much every weekend to little arenas in AR and LA. Then two of his buddies decided they wanted to ride bulls, too. So we were hauling horses and kids and loving it. One Saturday we got to an arena and I told him to get Two out and I'd help him start brushing and booting,etc. He kinda drug around and then I lost him--he had gone to "check things out" with his friends. (They didn't have horses and weren't into them at all. ) I found him and I was mostly "quiet" as I told him to get his horse ready NOW. That the horse events were first and she needed warmed up. He told me he wasn't riding anything but bulls tonight. I didn't take it well to say the least. He walked off and I did what I shouldn't of course; I warmed Two up myself. For her benefit tho, not for him. When it got time for barrels, he rode, but after acted like a total turd. I told him when bulls came up that he better enjoy it, because if his attitude stayed like it was, this was his last ride of any kind--period. I figured he didn't believe me, but that week he practiced, and when we got to the arena he got Two out, sprayed, brushed (that was always my job cause I just enjoy that time with her ), saddled, and booted all by himself. Shocked me to no end. I HOPE I would have held up to what I said I was gonna do, but I think you are awesome for putting your boots down and MEANING what you say. Great parenting, my friend.
Glad he turned around for you! It's tough on us moms, especially with those little boys! I'm so glad I was able to stick to my guns on him missing that game... when he came home from practice yesterday he walked into the house and came up behind me and threw his arms around my neck while I was sitting at the table. He gave me a big hug for really no reason lol! I love those moments. They are rare with him. My husband said he apologized to coach and his whole team in the dugout. Low and behold, my ex did show up too.. but my husband said everything was cool and he followed my husband's lead on the situation. (Surprisingly ). Coach told my husband he totally understood, he's a parent too to a young boy on the team. He just suggested next time that we make him dress in his uniform and they will bench him instead of us just keeping him home.. I'm not sure how I feel on that, I can see that stinging him, but that dugout is full of his buddies from school and I know they play around a lot in there.
Believe me, sitting in the dugout dressed to play but knowing you are NOT playing will be way worse than staying at home. My son was very involved in all sports and it killed him to have to set out one inning or down of plays so another kid could get a chance to play, or watch someone show his heifer because he couldn't. It is a pain to take them to the game knowing they will not play, but my experience was the moms respected me more for trying to keep my son from being that obnoxious kid who thinks the team can't win with out him or that he was too good to have to follow the rules.
You are doing a great job!
I'm sure you are right. Hopefully there won't be another time, but if there is, he will be benched. I think it was really helpful that my husband took him to practice yesterday and stood by his side while he apologized. They've always had a good relationship but this made it even better.. he's been in my son's life since he was just 1yr old. I sometimes wonder if my son understands the whole step dad situation, he's never asked. My hubby treats him just as his own... that includes disiplining and making decisions. I'm thankful for that!
Keep up the good work--we got your back!! | |
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Warrior Mom
Posts: 4400
| He played last night... that honestly was the most emotional game we've had so far! Coach benched my boy for the 1st inning, you could tell the teams moral was way down.. they were losing by 4... I snuck over to the dugout and he came up to me crying saying "we are losing". My heart broke for him! They finally turned my boy loose and they ended up winning! My boy threw the winning "out" from 3rd to 1st base... we were on the edges of our seats! For the first time EVER at a ball game he ran right to me and hugged me he was in tears! I said why are you crying ya'll just won!! He said they are happy tears momma! Of course, I started crying lol!!! I was so proud of him and I truly think he learned a very valuable lesson! My ex's girlfriend was there, she came up to me and told me how much she respected me for making him sit out a game like that and she respected my "mothering". It was an AWESOME evening!
He's the little guy at bat
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A Somebody to Everybody
Posts: 41354
Location: Under The Big Sky Of Texas | want2chase3 - 2017-05-20 8:43 AM He played last night... that honestly was the most emotional game we've had so far! Coach benched my boy for the 1st inning, you could tell the teams moral was way down.. they were losing by 4... I snuck over to the dugout and he came up to me crying saying "we are losing". My heart broke for him! They finally turned my boy loose and they ended up winning! My boy threw the winning "out" from 3rd to 1st base... we were on the edges of our seats! For the first time EVER at a ball game he ran right to me and hugged me he was in tears! I said why are you crying ya'll just won!! He said they are happy tears momma! Of course, I started crying lol!!! I was so proud of him and I truly think he learned a very valuable lesson! My ex's girlfriend was there, she came up to me and told me how much she respected me for making him sit out a game like that and she respected my "mothering". It was an AWESOME evening! He's the little guy at bat
Great picture mom | |
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My Heart Be Happy
Posts: 9159
Location: Arkansas | What an awesome ending to an emotional and trying event for you. I'm proud of him but mostly of you | |
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Lickable I mean Likeable
Posts: 3965
Location: De Berry, Tx | I will tell you this is just the beginning. When my daughter was high school rodoeing we had a deal 85 and above or no rodeo. Dad(ex) was all for it for awhile. Until her grades actually dropped. He begged me. I stood by my decision which at times led him to push my daughter to go live with him (you know better opportunities). De would decline especially after I told her I would fight it because he was only home every two weeks do to his job. We fast forward to now she is fixing to turn 24 graduated from college with a good job and fixing to get married. We talk about how strict I was with her rodeo and phone and she is so thankful. It won't be easy especially with a boy. But what you do today shapes them for tomorrow has never rang more true than watching her become the driven respectful young lady she is. It sucks being the bad guy but I just told myself this will payoff. She will be better for it. And she is!! | |
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 Angel in a Sorrel Coat
Posts: 16030
Location: In a happy place | You are a good moma. There should be consequences for actions. I would have lost it when he shoved his little brother down. That would not fly with me. I just know this has to be so hard for you, but hang in there. | |
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