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Member
Posts: 6
| To remain anonymous, I'm on here under a new name. I really need to just vent and get this out and see what people think. This is such a long story but here goes.. for many years, all I ever wanted to do was ride and barrel race. It was all I did in my free time. It was my dream to eventually have my own place and not have to board.
I met someone not into horses, fell in love, bought 40 acres and a house? and got married. I was estatic. Over a couple years the marriage turned emotionally abusive, to the point my desire to ride faded and I almost dreaded it because of the conflict it caused in my house hold. Over the years my marriage fell apart. He left and we divorced. My open horse basically fell apart with my marriage. I spent a long time trying to figure him out. After much money and frustration, I have up trying on him. Fast forward a couple years.
I'm maintaining the house, etc on my own. It's overwhelming sometimes trying to keep up on everything. I'm in process of building myself an arena, round pen, etc. I have no good place to ride. I have a couple horses and zero desire to ride. I always find excuses. I work 40 hours a week and drive another 10, so my time is limited as is. My job is stressful and been that way more so the last year. My divorce was a good thing but it changed me and I don't think I'm quite healed from the damage done.
I'm so lost right now. I can't decide if this is how life is? Am I just stressed? Depressed?
My interest in riding and racing seems to have left with the divorce, although it was fading before that. I love my horses, but just don't really care if I ride right now. I'm busting my butt to build an arena etc. And I'm not sure why.
I see so much on Facebook about so and so and all the ride time they get. It irritates me to no end that I have to struggle sooo **** hard just to have something as simple as a round pen and so many people have husband's who handle these things for them. I'm maintaining everything by. Myself. It's frustrating. I'm finding that someday doing simple things is so overwhelming. Tonight great example. Should I try riding? Should I mow lawn? Should I clean house? Build arena? I have so many things to do, some days I just don't do any.
I just don't know what to do, something has to give. I can't tell if this is just life and how it is or if I'm unmotivated from depression.
Any thoughts? Comments? Things to think about?
I finally have all I wanted and I don't even care. That just blows my own mind.
Edited by Confusedncrazy 2017-05-31 9:56 PM
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 Shelter Dog Lover
Posts: 10277
 
| Hugs, you have been down a tough road. That is a lot to maintain by yourself, I would be overwhelmed too. Is it an option to sell and downsize to a more manageable place? | |
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 Texas Taco
Posts: 7499
Location: Bandera, TX | You are an amazingly strong and successful woman. Being able to keep a place this big and maintain it by yourself is a huge accomplishment!!! You were able to get out of a bad marriage rather than just make due and be miserable. Another huge accomplishment!!!
Life, work, horses are all very tiring.... so stressful. While I have a man to help build fence and unload hay, I pay for it all. It is overwhelming at times. I have 5 horses, 3 are crippled, one is getting old, and I'm not as excited about the shiny pretty new horse as I
should be. But you know what, it's ok. They are expensive and a lot of work, but I love them. Love petting them, and talking to them. That is ok.
Do what feels right to you. Cut yourself some slack, be proud of who
you are and what you have accomplished. One day at a time. Hold your head up high and hug your horses. | |
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 A Barrel Of Monkeys
Posts: 12972
Location: Texas | Getting out of a marriage like that causes a lot of mixed feelings. It's tough, and will take a while for you to fit all the pieces together again. Give yourself some time.
Maybe lower your expectations for the time being. Ride your horse just for fun and relaxation until you feel the spark come back. Take the pressure off.
As far as cleaning the house, just do what's necessary. The laundry will still be there tomorrow. | |
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Member
Posts: 6
| Thank you. I'm sure trying. Once I get things done, it should get easier. Ie an arena is one time deal and done.
It's just so upsetting to me that my drive is so dismal after so many years of wanting it. | |
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 Expert
Posts: 1718
Location: Southeast Louisiana | Somewhere, there is someone who is just happy they were able to get out of a trailer park and have their trailer on a couple of acre so they could finally have a horse.
You are complaining about having troubles with a very full life!! I'm not saying it's not justified. Just take a step back and look at all you
Have. You need to learn to stop focusing on what you're missing. Maybe you should talk with a therapist and see if they can get you
on the right road mentally. You might just need do find some help to get you through this tough time. | |
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Member
Posts: 6
| Nita - 2017-06-01 1:33 AM
Somewhere, there is someone who is just happy they were able to get out of a trailer park and have their trailer on a couple of acre so they could finally have a horse.
You are complaining about having troubles with a very full life!! I'm not saying it's not justified. Just take a step back and look at all you
Have. You need to learn to stop focusing on what you're missing. Maybe you should talk with a therapist and see if they can get you
on the right road mentally. You might just need do find some help to get you through this tough time.
I understand what you are saying totally. But I will say that the trailer park person could do the same thing if they too busy their butt like I have. I don't magically just have these things.
I think speaking to someone may help, good suggestion. | |
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 Popped
Posts: 20421
Location: LuluLand~along I64 Indiana | do you have enough room for a room mate? some crazy horse person who only wants to ride. riding alone is hard. i seem to want to just do the work every day and riding is an after thought.... unless one of my nieces or 4h kids are around. there is also a lady here who has grown up and being a young adult at the moment she has given up having a horse. She is a joy to ask to come ride with me. Maybe you can find your joy back in sharing it with someone?
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 Owner of a ratting catting machine
Posts: 2258
| Suck it up buttercup. I work 60-70 hours a week and relocate every 6 months to a year. I'm currently divorcing my husband. I ride every day.
Sit down with a notepad and write down 20 things that you want to do. Then circle five of those as your most important. Throw the others away. Then devote all your energy into making those five things happen, daily.
If you have to sell your place and get a smaller one that's turn key, do it.
If you have to buy an arena kit and round pen kit, cheaply, and make it work, do it.
Honestly I'm happy with a tilled barrel patch with a 12 ft section of board fence behind each barrel. An arena is not necessary.
If you have to buy yourself a red sports car to feel better, do it.
Relocate closer to your job so you don't have the drive.
The world is made of options and we might die today. Don't die wishing you'd done it differently. Do what is right for you, we only get one life. | |
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 Queen Bee Cat Owner
Posts: 3629
Location: Way up North | I don't have as many things going on as you do but I can relate to the overwhelm. Between working full time, running my own business, trying to keep horses rode and hauled, house/outside work, family and friends demands, etc. I have been feeling really stressed.
I have found, for myself, it isn't the work that is overwhelming, it is keeping up with others expectations. Everyone wants you to do something for them to make them happy, and while you need to foster good relationships there has to be a happy medium. I am trying to get better about saying no when I need to and not feeling guilty.
I have also started a 3 things rule. I have to pick the 3 most important things I want to accomplish that day and be satisfied that I get them done. The 'I need to get this done' list is never ending and I got caught up feeling miserable when the list wasn't finished. Especially when working on my business I get really stressed I am not getting things made fast enough so I have to focus on the 3 rule and just keep going.
And as others have said, you can't do everything. Set some goals, figure out what those will take, and dump the extra time and energy drains. You can always pick those things up later. The house cleaning will wait too
ETA-to those posts on Facebook, I have decided if they lived half of the crazy, awesome, busy lives they work so hard to make it seem they wouldn't have so much time to be on facebook making themselves look fabulous
Edited by AllAroundRider 2017-06-01 9:41 AM
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 The Bling Princess
Posts: 3411
Location: North Dakota | I understand what you are going through. While I'm not divorced, I did just go through some very traumatic life events (death of my mom and my father in law within 4 months). It affected me for over a year (lost my mom Oct 2015 and father in law Feb 2016) and I finally dug myself out from the bottom of the pit this spring. I had the same feelings you are experiencing and I think you have depression or possibly PTSD. I have a really cool horse out in the pasture, but I had no desire to ride, compete, nothing. We've worked hard to build up our place, have an arena, etc. It frustrated me that I wanted nothing to do with it. I knew deep down inside that this was not the person I wanted to continue to be, so I decided to change myself. I turned to my Savior and turned my troubles over to him. I let him carry my burdens. I also changed my diet, my outlook on life, simplified my day to day activities, and prayed like I had never prayed before. I'm so much happier now than what I was 5 months ago. I enjoy going out and training my horse and looking forward to competing this year after about a 1.5 year hiatus. I think its important to do things in life that feeds your soul. If that doesn't include horses at this time than thats OK. If you need the help of a therapist and anti-depressants to get through this, that's ok too. If you need to focus on one task at a time than do it. Don't stretch yourself thin. You don't have to do everything every single day.
I don't know you, but I'm sending my prayers for you and a cyber hug. You can get through this.
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 A Somebody to Everybody
Posts: 41354
Location: Under The Big Sky Of Texas | classicpotatochip - 2017-06-01 7:53 AM Suck it up buttercup. I work 60-70 hours a week and relocate every 6 months to a year. I'm currently divorcing my husband. I ride every day. Sit down with a notepad and write down 20 things that you want to do. Then circle five of those as your most important. Throw the others away. Then devote all your energy into making those five things happen, daily. If you have to sell your place and get a smaller one that's turn key, do it. If you have to buy an arena kit and round pen kit, cheaply, and make it work, do it. Honestly I'm happy with a tilled barrel patch with a 12 ft section of board fence behind each barrel. An arena is not necessary. If you have to buy yourself a red sports car to feel better, do it. Relocate closer to your job so you don't have the drive. The world is made of options and we might die today. Don't die wishing you'd done it differently. Do what is right for you, we only get one life.
Thats how my arena is, its tilled, I do have lights up and planed on bulding a fence around my arena but I kinda like it better without fencing its easier to work the ground.. So simple this way  Sorry to hear about you and your husband.. | |
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 Dog Resuce Agent
Posts: 3459
Location: southeast Texas | Single here.
Down size.
You don't need a round pen, you don't need an arena to ride.
For me it is picking one project a week that needs to be done.
I have just one horse I ride, others are just on feed bill.
The weeks that I work 60+ hrs a week, he just doesn't get rode.
make sure you are eating right, getting enough supliments.
Ive added vit D, B12, C, Magnesium. These seamed to have helped me the most.
Life is what it is, you can't judge the value of your life compared to what others are talking about, esp on FB.
Set your goal for each week, day if that is all that is manageable, even if it's just getting on your horse for 30 min.
Its your life, we do have any do overs,,,,,,,,
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 672
| Get off Facebook/instagram/social media. If not forever, at least take a break. Don't compare your life to others.
When you get home do what you want to do. Mow? Go mow. Read a book and drink a glass of wine? Do that. Take a week long break and do what you want. A week break is not going to hurt anything or get you behind on anything. During your break write a list of things you want to do (WANT to-not have to) then start planning on how you will accomplish what you want. Plan your work and work your plan.
Good luck. Sometimes we need a break from the constant stress of doing it all. Xoxo! | |
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 Some Kind of Trouble
Posts: 4430
| I don't have anything to add, but this thread is full of some wonderful advice for anyone struggling... I need to implement a lot of it myself, so thanks! I'm single, trying to maintain my property and horses and ride and barrel race while working to keep my head above water and keep it all together also.. it's more than hard some days. PM me if you ever need an ear! | |
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| Life can really stink sometimes. My grandmother used to say if everyone put their problems on a tree and you could pick the ones you want, you would pick your own. Sometimes things feel overwhelming and the grass always looks greener in someone else's pasture... but most of the time it's fertilized with BS! Don't believe everything you see on Facebook.
Its normal to feel depressed after a life changing event but eventually as days go by you should start to heal. I would talk to your doctor if you have been feeling this way for a while. There is nothing wrong with asking for help.
Until you start to feel better its just one foot after the other day by day. Do what you can and certainly don't stress about riding. | |
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Member
Posts: 37
| Been there, done that. You are depressed. I was going thru all the same emotions you just talked about. I finally talked to my doctor and she started me on anti-depressants and that really helped. I still have to talk myself into riding and doing things, but it's easier. Once I saddle up and start riding I really do enjoy it. You have to start somewhere, I would talk to your doctor. My struggle right now is that I have way to many horses, so by the time I buy feed and hay, I don't have anything left over to go anywhere. But, I'm horrible at selling so haven't figured that out yet. Start slow and just get out there again. The mess in the house will still be there and truly I really don't worry about that much anymore. Also, I let my horses out on the lawn to eat grass and that helps with the lawn mowing. | |
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Expert
Posts: 1718
Location: Southeast Louisiana | Confusedncrazy - 2017-06-01 6:20 AM
Nita - 2017-06-01 1:33 AM
Somewhere, there is someone who is just happy they were able to get out of a trailer park and have their trailer on a couple of acre so they could finally have a horse.
You are complaining about having troubles with a very full life!! I'm not saying it's not justified. Just take a step back and look at all you
Have. You need to learn to stop focusing on what you're missing. Maybe you should talk with a therapist and see if they can get you
on the right road mentally. You might just need do find some help to get you through this tough time.
I understand what you are saying totally. But I will say that the trailer park person could do the same thing if they too busy their butt like I have. I don't magically just have these things.
I think speaking to someone may help, good suggestion.
I think you're focusing on the wrong part of my analogy. I have no doubt that you've worked hard for what you have.
What I was saying is there will always be people who have it easier than you, have more or better things or just look happier. You need to focus on what you DO have. And you have a lot.
Like someone else suggested, maybe you need to stay off of Facebook.
I grew up with a parent who sounds much like you and I have had to train myself to think positively and be thankful. It's a daily struggle to stay upbeat.
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Owner of a ratting catting machine
Posts: 2258
| Nita - 2017-06-01 10:53 AM
Confusedncrazy - 2017-06-01 6:20 AM
Nita - 2017-06-01 1:33 AM
Somewhere, there is someone who is just happy they were able to get out of a trailer park and have their trailer on a couple of acre so they could finally have a horse.
You are complaining about having troubles with a very full life!! I'm not saying it's not justified. Just take a step back and look at all you
Have. You need to learn to stop focusing on what you're missing. Maybe you should talk with a therapist and see if they can get you
on the right road mentally. You might just need do find some help to get you through this tough time.
I understand what you are saying totally. But I will say that the trailer park person could do the same thing if they too busy their butt like I have. I don't magically just have these things.
I think speaking to someone may help, good suggestion.
I think you're focusing on the wrong part of my analogy. I have no doubt that you've worked hard for what you have.
What I was saying is there will always be people who have it easier than you, have more or better things or just look happier. You need to focus on what you DO have. And you have a lot.
Like someone else suggested, maybe you need to stay off of Facebook.
I grew up with a parent who sounds much like you and I have had to train myself to think positively and be thankful. It's a daily struggle to stay upbeat.
Right. I'd love to find a job that would land me in one spot. I've applied and applied, but it's looking more every day like me and this pipeline world are stuck together like glue.
I'd love to be home somewhere, rather than loading up my stuff and my horses and taking a chance on a new part of the country. Someday I'll find that opportunity I sure hope!
Being caught up in materials gets us unhappiness, if those materials start using us instead of the other way around.
I'm here to tell you that the defensiveness as to "anyone can do it", just isn't so. You're very blessed to have the opportunity to work hard, because you have your health. You have your freedom. You have your intelligence. You have a lot to be thankful for.
If you're struggling with the size and scope of your responsibilities, then it's time to recalibrate. There's no shame in it. I'm constantly seeking ways to generate more time in my day.
Prioritize and pounce. You've got to, or else you're going to end up a tired old bitter sucker. Realize what makes you happy and do it. You've only got today, tomorrow's not promised. | |
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 1141
Location: Somewhere across the SABINE | I totally understand the part about not having any desire to ride or do anything. After having our son, I suffered from postpartum. I wanted to drive into a pine tree and make it all go away, everything my husband and I have worked towards all of our lives. He went with me to the doctor and I got help. Im medicated for depression, sometimes its not enough.
When I was single, I lived at home with my parents but neither of them could take care of our place and horses. I always rode out in the pasture. I didnt have a tractor, so i would find a smooth spot and ride there until the horse and I got it worked up on our own lol. My dad eventually hired some guys to build an arena out of portable panels. I was in heaven....then the time changed and I couldnt ride in the dark....so I bought some halogen lights on a stand and duct taped them to a 2x4 and wired that to the panels where I would have enough light to work my horses.
Now im 100 pounds heavier than I was then, we have our own home and land and too many horses.
Im fighting a similar battle myself. You are your own worst enemy couldnt be a more true statement. I still enjoy going to run barrels, but I feel guilty for doing it. I told you all of that to say- just keep swimming!!
I agree with another poster that said to find a friend to come ride with you, it sure makes it more fun :)
Definitely get with your doctor about a possible med change or new meds and possibly a therapist. | |
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 I Don't Brag
Posts: 6960
| You are currently on overload. If you take the view given on women in the "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus" books, you have been doing what most women do. The more inadequate we feel, the more we take on and end up burning out. You are burnt out. (Men can do this too, but most tend to draw their focus down to one thing they CAN control or accomplish).
Give yourself a break! You have gone through a lot. You have accomplished a lot. You don't HAVE to ride or run barrels. Pare down your expectations of yourself. If finishing your arena or round pen is a priority, just so you feel like you have accomplished something, then focus on that and worry about the "want to" later.
Take a mental vacation and just let yourself do the minimum required to get through a day, so that can recharge. THEN try to remember back to when and why you loved to ride. Call some friends and maybe go trail riding. Just enjoy your ponies for a little while. The most important thing right now is to take the pressure and expectations of what you "should" accomplish. Chances are many of those pressures either come from others of are something we "perceive" as HAVING to happen. ENJOY your ponies again, and if you find you can't then it is time to re-evaluate whether or not you need to continue the struggle to keep them.
I myself have found myself with a lot less "want to" these days and am struggling with that being OK. I still crave the competition but struggle with the everyday riding....and the seemingly never ending nursing (LOL)..... One thing that helps me is to help someone else who is still thirsty for horse knowledge, barrel racing knowledge. Having them come over or making plans to ride with and help them helps motivate ME. I have been helping a girl who has trained her own horse, who wants to compete but just doesn't think she can. Another friend and I have basically given her the same pointers as to some simple things she could do differently, she tried them and wow, what a difference! Her joy and enthusiasm at seeing such a big change are SO INFFECTIOUS!
I am not saying that you need to take on MORE but if you can find someone who, say, wants more riding experience or some help with riding, running barrels, then perhaps they can help you get some miles on your horses through that help and YOU get some help too. i.e. you GET some support by GIVING some support. Just a thought. Or maybe some help building your arena or putting up hay, mowing the yard, etc in exchange for some of your experience or supervised riding of your horses that you just don't want to do right now. Just a thought.....
Hugs and give yourself some credit and some room to breathe. ( I am betting that you are on the perfectionist side...give yourself permission for everything Not to be perfect, settle for functional right now). | |
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 Extreme Veteran
Posts: 460
| Thank you for posting on here to seek advice! Love this big family. That's very strong of you, even anonymously, to ask for advice and help. I know it seems like you have absolutely NO energy or desire to do things...but if you can manage to workout, get your heart rate up just for 15 minutes a day, it can make a world of difference. We are all struggling with different things, and that has been the best advice I have gotten so far. I did not have the energy to do anything...but I forced myself to do some cardio, and it just releases all those negative toxins you have in your body, it really does help alleviate that pain and stress! Also, getting a good book can be very helpful also <3 There are some great books in the self-help section at barns and noble. Pick anything that stands out to you, The Secret to Happiness, Saying Goodbye to Negativity, anyone that sparks your interest. Getting lost in a book that someone has written from being in your shoes. Both of these are wonderful stress relievers and energy boosters <3 best of luck to you! We're all here for you. | |
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  Whack and Roll
Posts: 6342
Location: NE Texas | I am in the process of making some life changes. I still ride every day but just don't haul as much as I used to. I have a really nice horse, but was only getting to go once a month or so due to other obligations with kiddos and their activities. I put so much pressure on myself when I was able to go that it took all of the fun out of it for me and I dreaded even entering a barrel race. It was a silly, vicous cycle, yet one only I could put a stop to.
I recently decided to send my open horse to a friend to haul as a backup to the rodeos this summer and to sell him. He's young and very talented, but he and I just weren't doing each other any justice and it wasn't fun for either of us. I have also posted my trailer for sale and am selling a young gelding that is also very nice. I have felt so much pressure to get 3 horses exercised daily after I get home from work after 6. I was overwhelmed and consumed with getting it all done. I felt guilty for not hauling and found it eating away at me, which is most definitely unhealthy.
The only horse i'm keeping is a young mare that I purchased last fall. She's almost ready to go exhibition, but I don't feel obligated to take her and don't feel the pressure to go try to win something right now. Once again, riding is fun. It's relaxing. I don't have to hurry. If I miss a day, who cares.
I do have a wonderful husband who helps me with the house chores and cooking and never complains about my horses. He doesn't complain about me hauling, but I would feel guilty for the time I was spending in the barn. It's like I beat myself for riding and for not riding. We have recently decided to make a few changes and are considering buying a big chunk of land and some cattle. I can trail ride and enjoy the peace and quiet of not having the obligation to haul and go or keep up with the Jones', yet still have a horse I can go have fun on should I want to go to a barrel race.
Maybe you need to take the pressure off of yourself and simplify things. I don't have an arena, never have. I do have a roundpen and walker, but never use them. Get down to just the nitty gritty of the things that bring you joy, but that you don't also beat yourself up if you aren't utilizing them to their full potential. I, like you, have a full time job that can be stressful. I also drive about an hour to and from work. Our time outside with our horses should be fun, relaxing, enjoyable. It's not our job. If it isn't those things, I would recommend making some changes in your life as well. I already feel some relief in the start of simplifying mine!
Good luck! | |
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 Ms Bling Bling Sleeze Kitty
Posts: 20904
Location: LouLouVille, OK | My suggestion.... is sell the house and 40 acres and get something more manageable... like a house and 10... with a nice practical little barn and space for a small arena or round pen... and start healing a day at a time... but if you simplify... you can do it and find time for yourself...and your horses... take it a day at a time and I promise if you allow yourself healing in this process... You will never allow a toxic person back into your life...and that's when life really starts to get good... (((HUGS))) it's not easy, but its worth it... don't focus on so and so having a husband to do this or that... celebrate you don't need one and that you can do it on your own.... refocus Go out and get a few Joyce Meyer books "Battlefield of the Mind" and "Power Thoughts" are both excellent reads... and it sounds like your priorities have changed... cause what I once thought was all I wanted, ended up not even being close to what I have.... I think most people go through these feelings at some point... I know the last year has really tested me too... hang in there... | |
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 Take a Picture
Posts: 12838
| My husband was not a horse person and decided that I did not need to ride. He was very controlling. He died on 2002 and I went out and bought new horses. I have NEVER had anyone encourage me when I rode and everyting I have accomplished I have done myself. I have a friend who is my traner and she encourages me, which isw pretty cool, actually Yes, it is hard to find time to ride and yes, it is hard to find the energy to ride (I am old) Yes, it is hard to take care of your own place. I have no place to ride at the house but there is a covered arena about 4 miles down the road. Decide what days you are going to ride and what days you are going to work around your place. Like Classic said make a list and pick the most pressing thengs that need to be done. Get out and go to a barrel race. Make some friends that have the same interests as you. Find people who like to laugh and not those who have more problems than you have. Find a church that you enjoy attending. Attending church on Sunday always makes me feel better. Not big on cowboy churches but they may be just what you need. There are a lot of folks that have a lot in common with you there.
This is crazy, but finding a trail ride near me and riding on those is very relaxing and your horse gets ridden. Hope this helps. | |
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 Ms. Marine
Posts: 4627
Location: Texas | I have no advice that I'm going to offer. Just wanted to say that when God closes one door, He's going to open a better one for you. It may not be today, it might not be next week. Keep your chin up and just keep going. That's all any of us can do. | |
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Expert
Posts: 1314
Location: North Central Iowa Land of white frozen grass | Facebook is the absolutly biggest waste of time I have ever seen. Get off of it unless it is winter time. There are 2 ways to go thru life. You are either on a couch watching the world go by or you are the one outside having people watch you. Make your choice. | |
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 Elite Veteran
Posts: 929
| cindyt - 2017-06-01 11:30 AM
My suggestion.... is sell the house and 40 acres and get something more manageable... like a house and 10... with a nice practical little barn and space for a small arena or round pen... and start healing a day at a time... but if you simplify... you can do it and find time for yourself...and your horses... take it a day at a time and I promise if you allow yourself healing in this process... You will never allow a toxic person back into your life...and that's when life really starts to get good... (((HUGS))) it's not easy, but its worth it... don't focus on so and so having a husband to do this or that... celebrate you don't need one and that you can do it on your own.... refocus Go out and get a few Joyce Meyer books "Battlefield of the Mind" and "Power Thoughts" are both excellent reads... and it sounds like your priorities have changed... cause what I once thought was all I wanted, ended up not even being close to what I have.... I think most people go through these feelings at some point... I know the last year has really tested me too... hang in there...
I agree with this. When I found myself in this situation I found a tiny postage stamp sized place to live on a boarding facility and cleaned stalls and groomed for a trainer next door. I was laid off from my extremely stressful full time job, thus allowing me to count my blessings, not worry about the things I had no control over, and focus on those that were really important.
I think it really comes down to what makes your soul thrive. If you don't want to do X...don't. If you hate your job and your current lifestyle, change it. It is very hard, and I know easier said than done, but make some small changes for the better and you will get yourself in the right direction. Also cut out those people and things that don't make you feel fulfilled.
If you can't use your arena but like to hear the wind whistling through the trees, just go for a trail ride, it's not going to hurt anything. Glad you are here and sorting out your concerns, that's always a step in the right direction. | |
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Veteran
Posts: 103
| You have written my story. Only here I am 15 years later and still struggling to do EVERYTHING. I am burned out and now have health challenges because of it. I have a super nice horse right now that can clock with the best, but he is VERY high maintenance and it wears me out worrying about/taking care of him. I love him very much but I have decided to let him go and get a project horse that I can ride when I want and pet when I want without the pressure of feeling like I HAVE to go to a barrel race or I am wasting my horse.
I love my place but it is high maintenance also - much more than I need. I am in the process of deciding whether or not to keep it and just let some things go or downsize. One or the other for sure.
My best advice to you is give yourself time to heal and don't make decisions in a highly emotional state. Take your time, let some things go and then figure out what brings you joy. Don't be too hard on yourself.
Oh, and don't push yourself for 15 years like I did until you are totally burned out. I wish someone would have given me this advice way back when.
Good luck! You can do it! | |
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Member
Posts: 6
| Wow, there are so many great ideas and great points made in these comments. I need time to absorb and process it all. The one thing I can comment on right now though is that part of what I'm struggling with is figuring it what does make my soul thrive. It once was horses. Now..I don't know. That's a big part of my struggle.. am I ready for something new? Am I depressed and just uninterested..? This is part of what I can't figure out. Right now not much of anything excites me. I'm happy to just get home from work and do nothing. That isn't normal or healthy I don't think.
Arenas and round pens are not necessary, but I have a couple young horses to work and I've decided that it's best for my own safety to have these things. That's the only reason. I prefer barrel patches normally, but my riding area is actually right on the corner of a road too.
Selling and downsizing isn't much of an option financially. I'm sitting really good in my current place and for me to do better, it would end up being a real **** hole. Horse property around here is pricey. I know I'm far better off where I'm at. Perhaps I need to look at hiring some occasional help. I am dating a great man who will help but I don't all him too much as he has his own place to keep up on and I'm not dating him to be my slave.
I need to finish my couple projects that will help. After that, I need to decide what brings me joy. | |
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Industrial Srength Barrel Racer
Posts: 7264
| Confusedncrazy - 2017-06-01 5:52 PM
Wow, there are so many great ideas and great points made in these comments. I need time to absorb and process it all. The one thing I can comment on right now though is that part of what I'm struggling with is figuring it what does make my soul thrive. It once was horses. Now..I don't know. That's a big part of my struggle.. am I ready for something new? Am I depressed and just uninterested..? This is part of what I can't figure out. Right now not much of anything excites me. I'm happy to just get home from work and do nothing. That isn't normal or healthy I don't think.
Arenas and round pens are not necessary, but I have a couple young horses to work and I've decided that it's best for my own safety to have these things. That's the only reason. I prefer barrel patches normally, but my riding area is actually right on the corner of a road too.
Selling and downsizing isn't much of an option financially. I'm sitting really good in my current place and for me to do better, it would end up being a real **** hole. Horse property around here is pricey. I know I'm far better off where I'm at. Perhaps I need to look at hiring some occasional help. I am dating a great man who will help but I don't all him too much as he has his own place to keep up on and I'm not dating him to be my slave.
I need to finish my couple projects that will help. After that, I need to decide what brings me joy.
I'm in the same boat. I don't think I'm depressed - I just feel lost though. My entire life I have LOVED horses - I mean, feel butterflies when I see them, love everything about them. Now, I could care less, my pony died in Feb and I sent my mare to a guy to sell and I'm not sure I want another. I wonder too, if I need a new hobby or maybe just time off - but I've HAD time off from hauling - 3 years - and honestly, I don't miss it. I'm trying like HELL to sell my custom living quarters trailer (have an ad on here), don't think I can part with my saddles just yet - I keep thinking maybe the right horse will come along - one that I enjoy, one that doesn't seem like just more WORK. Maybe I need a Harley!
Thank you for making this post, I've enjoyed the responses. | |
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Member
Posts: 6
| I'm glad my post is helping some of you as well. But it also saddens me to see several of us feeling so burnt out on something we all loved so much. I really have to wonder why. | |
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Owner of a ratting catting machine
Posts: 2258
| Confusedncrazy - 2017-06-02 6:25 AM
I'm glad my post is helping some of you as well. But it also saddens me to see several of us feeling so burnt out on something we all loved so much. I really have to wonder why.
We get burned out because we pour our hearts and our effort and our money into something, and then don't succeed. It's pure frustration.
The only way to keep going is to change the perception of failure. If failure gets turned into a challenge to keep changing until you find a combination that works, as a puzzle, or a challenge, it's easier to keep going.
In my case, my horses are my structure in my overloaded, stress packed life. If I didn't have stalls to clean, and horses to think about throughout the day, and the physical exercise with endorphin release that is riding, I wouldn't make it. I need the high that I get when I make a run. I need that challenges of keeping one sound. They are basically my alternate reality, the one that I'm really actually supposed to be in. I look forward all day to getting in so that I can go see my loves.
Maybe just a change of perspective is all you need! | |
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The Bling Princess
Posts: 3411
Location: North Dakota | Confusedncrazy - 2017-06-01 5:52 PM Wow, there are so many great ideas and great points made in these comments. I need time to absorb and process it all. The one thing I can comment on right now though is that part of what I'm struggling with is figuring it what does make my soul thrive. It once was horses. Now..I don't know. That's a big part of my struggle.. am I ready for something new? Am I depressed and just uninterested..? This is part of what I can't figure out. Right now not much of anything excites me. I'm happy to just get home from work and do nothing. That isn't normal or healthy I don't think. Arenas and round pens are not necessary, but I have a couple young horses to work and I've decided that it's best for my own safety to have these things. That's the only reason. I prefer barrel patches normally, but my riding area is actually right on the corner of a road too. Selling and downsizing isn't much of an option financially. I'm sitting really good in my current place and for me to do better, it would end up being a real **** hole. Horse property around here is pricey. I know I'm far better off where I'm at. Perhaps I need to look at hiring some occasional help. I am dating a great man who will help but I don't all him too much as he has his own place to keep up on and I'm not dating him to be my slave. I need to finish my couple projects that will help. After that, I need to decide what brings me joy.
I know what you mean when you say that you don't even know what feeds your soul. I didn't either. I questioned if the whole horse thing was just something I enjoyed doing in my past. These are the questions that I prayed over and asked GOD for guidance. I don't know if you believe in GOD, but he truly was my saving grace. Once I started praying and handing the reins to him things started happening. Great things. Passion for MY LIFE and horse came back to me.
Taking that moment to decide that I am worth it was the biggest hurdle I had to jump. I started small... literally nourishing my body better. I know that may sound odd but, you wouldn't believe how what you put in your mouth affects your brain function. That one thing has changed so many aspects of my life you wouldn't believe it.
You can make changes you just have to have the courage to do it. Knowing that your not feeling how you want to feel is the first step. The second is figuring out what you want to change and then setting your plan in action.
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 Own It and Move On
Location: The edge of no where | classicpotatochip - 2017-06-02 7:27 AM Confusedncrazy - 2017-06-02 6:25 AM I'm glad my post is helping some of you as well. But it also saddens me to see several of us feeling so burnt out on something we all loved so much. I really have to wonder why. We get burned out because we pour our hearts and our effort and our money into something, and then don't succeed. It's pure frustration. The only way to keep going is to change the perception of failure. If failure gets turned into a challenge to keep changing until you find a combination that works, as a puzzle, or a challenge, it's easier to keep going. In my case, my horses are my structure in my overloaded, stress packed life. If I didn't have stalls to clean, and horses to think about throughout the day, and the physical exercise with endorphin release that is riding, I wouldn't make it. I need the high that I get when I make a run. I need that challenges of keeping one sound. They are basically my alternate reality, the one that I'm really actually supposed to be in. I look forward all day to getting in so that I can go see my loves. Maybe just a change of perspective is all you need!
^Horses are the same way for me. They keep me sane. I work & I ride - and that's pretty much how I want it. Cleaning stalls gives me time to think. Working out and eating decently is also critical. Divorce takes a tough tough toll mentally. There's more of us than you think that take care of places on our own. After finding out my husband had a 20yo gf in Dec, I kicked him out...............and then it took everything I had to function at work and ride my horses for a couple of months. 6 months down the road, life is 1000x times better than it's been in years, but it was overwhelming to figure out how I would take care of things without him. Maybe just do a round pen and don't worry about an arena? It doesn't matter if I'm getting to haul or not - I need to ride and spend time outdoors everyday for my mental health. | |
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I Don't Brag
Posts: 6960
| I know why I burned out.....a difficult marriage and having to keep 8 horses legged up...talk about a job! That was on top of many times 16 hour days in a semi , then having to manage to business of 7 more trucks AND do pretty much everything around the house, inside and out...and I HAVE a husband. Add to that a wreck that took my courage
My drive to ride may have seriously, but HAVING to go out and do chores has been sanity in itself. Dragging myself to the barn even when I just don't want to, finds me still enjoying my ponies. It is my therapy (though I have told my husband that I should stop because picking up poop somehow starts that negative tape that should NOT be playing in my head). I am slowly MAKING myself ride, because rodeo season is upon us and that really is my therapy. If I did not rodeo I would never get out of here and the need to compete still burns bright, I just have to keep force feeding the one where I have to go out and do the work before I can "play".
If you find any kind of spark within you, feed THAT, whatever it is. | |
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 Veteran
Posts: 173
Location: Somewhere over the rainbow | Time to back up and take inventory. Inventory your circumstances, just list the facts. Then think about each of the circumstances independent from each other, one at a time. Make note of the emotion that is produced as you think about each circumstance. That's where your answers lie. Once you have a chance to identify the emotion surrounding each circumstance you will be able take action and see some results.
Circumstances+Thoughts+Feelings+Actions&Results
When you get to the emotions part, don't be surprised if you feel grieve, sadness and lots of pain. Unfortunately, this will be uncomfortable and difficult. But on the other side is the new and better version of you! One that knows what she wants and will take steps to go get it. The new version of you is in there. Go get her! | |
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Veteran
Posts: 173
Location: Somewhere over the rainbow | One more comment for anyone...don't be afraid to seek out a life coach. We spend tons of money keeping our horse healthy and fit. A little spent on helping you through a tough time is money well spent. I don't mean a Dr., I mean someone who can help you learn how to think about things differently so that you can get back to living. | |
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Ms Bling Bling Sleeze Kitty
Posts: 20904
Location: LouLouVille, OK | At any given time, life and priorities can change... I HATE change, but I have learned to except it and try to move forward in a positive light. Change can be a good thing... 1 barn burner, blow your doors off win every time you put the horse in the trailer is what I wanted years ago... now, I just want a horse that wants to work, that loves a job and trys for me and BRINGS THE FUN BACK INTO IT FOR ME... I think everyone gets the fun sucked out of it at some point in their life... it's ok to take time off... Hell, I haven't hauled in pretty much 13 years! and guess what... after getting my guts kicked in for the last year, I have a horse, that I love, he loves me, he has brought the fun back in it, and he gives me no pressure and I don't pressure myself.. sure I want to do right by him, but I am going to have fun in the process... take a breath, like someone else said, go on a trail ride, take up knitting or water skiing... do something... day by day, you get stronger and better, then week by week, month by month and please...SURROUND YOURSELF WITH POSITIVE ENCOURAGING PEOPLE!!!! They make you want to be a better person and how much better can it be then?! :) | |
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 1141
Location: Somewhere across the SABINE | I too feel the same thing your talking about....like theres no purpose to it all anymore. I just go to work, come home and try to exercise what horses I can and then be Mom the rest of the evening. I feel like I have collected all of the horses/ tack ect for nothing anymore. Im slowly starting to want to haul a little....Ill be praying for you | |
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 Keeper of the King Snake
Posts: 7616
Location: Dubach, LA | First things first. Unfriend everyone who is "blessed beyond measure." God ain't a sugar daddy. Looking at all that will keep a person down. | |
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Owner of a ratting catting machine
Posts: 2258
| CanCan - 2017-06-02 5:42 PM
First things first. Unfriend everyone who is "blessed beyond measure." God ain't a sugar daddy. Looking at all that will keep a person down.
Love you for this!!! | |
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Tried and True
Posts: 21185
Location: Where I am happiest | I just read the first and last page so forgive me if I am now off track. lol. Alot of us have gone through diverces and tuff times. Myself included and yes it really sucks. Then it's easy to get stuck in a rut. There is just to much to do and doing it all alone can be over whelming. Been there done that. My advice, get a room mate. You can offer a room and house share and room for a horse and it will help immensely just having someone else there. Make sure they know they are responsable for half the mowing/yard work and house cleaning. This will also help ease your burden of doing it all yourself. THEN you can take at least part or all of their rent money and pay a farm help to help you with the building projects and ranch maintenance. Walla, not only do you have good people around you to get you out of your funk, but you will have someone to ride with and alot of help around the place. You will be amazed at how much this can help you. Both physically and mentally. | |
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Member
Posts: 6
| Thank you all. I had a pretty rough weekend. Decided I'm going to talk to a Dr this week. I'm more then just burnt out. Pretty sure I'm literally depressed. On top of the burn out. I'm also going to print this thread and highlight everything good and the things listed to do. I appreciate all the insight. Nice to know I'm not alone | |
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 Elite Veteran
Posts: 950
Location: MO | CanCan - 2017-06-02 5:42 PM First things first. Unfriend everyone who is "blessed beyond measure." God ain't a sugar daddy. Looking at all that will keep a person down.
Preach it!!!!!!!!! | |
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Depressed? Lost? Changed?