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Expert
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Location: In the land of peanuts and cotton | I got engaged today on my 25th birthday!!!!! How long did everyone wait before actually getting married? And most importantly one of my best friends got killed in a car wreck 9 years ago. I've keep very close to her mother and that's who I go with to all the barrel races. I want her mother to be part of it some how. I don't know that I want her as a brides maid because I want her to sit on the front row next to my mother. But I don't know what I want. I am going to invite her to get dressed with me. Anyone else have any ideas?
Edited by TessBelle 2017-08-06 9:22 PM
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 My Heart Be Happy
Posts: 9159
 
Location: Arkansas | Congratulations!!!! Beautiful ring 
Chris and I got married on the 5th anniversary of our first date. I'm not sure why we waited that long tho!
I'm sure others will have good ideas on what to do to include your friend's mother; I'm not sure about that. (Have her go dress shopping with you and sit with your momma, like you said, as well as be included as family at the bridal showers and parties. . . .)
Again, wishes for nothing but happiness and love. . . . | |
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 Nothing Comes Easy
Posts: 2353
Location: Texas | Congrats! I recently got engaged as well, I think we're waiting until Fall of 2018 to get married. That's so sweet of you to keep your best friend's mother involved. Could you make her like a day of coordinator to allow things to go smoothly and allow her to be involved? | |
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 A Somebody to Everybody
Posts: 41354
Location: Under The Big Sky Of Texas | Awwwee Congrats to you, what a pretty ring, did he pick it out or did you help him? Andy and I got married 6 months after we got engaged. So knew each other about 7 to 8 months all together. And 37 years later we're still at it.. | |
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Expert
Posts: 1477
Location: In the land of peanuts and cotton | Southtxponygirl - 2017-08-06 10:06 PM
Awwwee Congrats to you, what a pretty ring, did he pick it out or did you help him? Andy and I got married 6 months after we got engaged. So knew each other about 7 to 8 months all together. And 37 years later we're still at it..
He did it mostly by him self. I'm friends with the girl that works at the jewelry store and she showed him my Pinterest. | |
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A Somebody to Everybody
Posts: 41354
Location: Under The Big Sky Of Texas | TessBelle - 2017-08-06 10:08 PM
Southtxponygirl - 2017-08-06 10:06 PM
Awwwee Congrats to you, what a pretty ring, did he pick it out or did you help him? Andy and I got married 6 months after we got engaged. So knew each other about 7 to 8 months all together. And 37 years later we're still at it..
He did it mostly by him self. I'm friends with the girl that works at the jewelry store and she showed him my Pinterest.
Now that was smart having Pinterest, he did a super job on picking out your ring.  | |
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 Quarter Horse HIstorian
Posts: 2878
Location: Aubrey, Texas | Congratulations! And best wishes for a happy life together!!! | |
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Expert
Posts: 1446
Location: California | Congratulations!! My husband and I got married 10 months after getting engaged. Partly because we got engaged in the winter and I love fall weddings, and partly because we new we were going to sell my house and buy a bigger house together, but the housing market was only getting more expensive so we had to jump on a house, and I can't imagine trying to close on a house and a wedding in the same time frame! Very sorry to read about your friend. You could have her mother come in after yours and your so-to-be mother in law, seating her in the front row with them, symbolizing her importance.
Marrying my husband is the best decision I ever made. No, it is not rainbows and sunshine everyday, but a good marriage is worth the work! | |
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 Shelter Dog Lover
Posts: 10277
| Congratulations!! What a happy and exciting time. We met, got engaged and married within 5 months, a little quick to day the least but 30 years later he still makes me laugh every day and is what makes my heart skip a beat. My observations in planning weddings is the simpler and quicker -within a few months off engagement -seem to be the less stressful. I have seen so many stressful, crazy expensive weddings, so many details to tend to that it seemed to take some of the joy out of the day. It is very sweet to include your friends mother, could the preacher say a few words about her, how she is family to you?
Edited by rodeomom3 2017-08-07 6:21 AM
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Extreme Veteran
Posts: 534
Location: Ohio girl moved to PA | CONGRATS !!!! | |
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  Roan Wonder
Location: SW MO | Congrads Wishing you a happily ever after | |
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Married to a Louie Lover
Posts: 3303
| Congrats!!!
We got engaged about 11 months of dating, and we were married just over a year later - we started dating in May although neither of us remembers the exact date we became "official". We were married May 13th of this year.
The date was mostly because it was the only one available at the venue we wanted lol!
As for your friends mother - thats so very sweet of you! I have seen in other weddings prior to the ceremony a lighting of candles for grandparents if they are no longer living with a small picture display near the alter - perhaps a similar candle lighting for your friend by her mother? | |
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 Ms. Marine
Posts: 4642
Location: Texas | Congratulations! Your ring is beautiful. My husband and I dated for about 6 or 7 months before we got engaged and we married about two months after that. | |
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 Expert
Posts: 3815
Location: The best kept secret in TX | TessBelle - 2017-08-06 9:20 PM I got engaged today on my 25th birthday!!!!! How long did everyone wait before actually getting married? And most importantly one of my best friends got killed in a car wreck 9 years ago. I've keep very close to her mother and that's who I go with to all the barrel races. I want her mother to be part of it some how. I don't know that I want her as a brides maid because I want her to sit on the front row next to my mother. But I don't know what I want. I am going to invite her to get dressed with me. Anyone else have any ideas?
How exciting! We got engaged around July and go married in December. Mainly because the venue we wanted was wayyy cheaper in December since half of the venue is outside. It's Texas so it was still around 60 degrees on the 22nd when we got married.
I have a similar situation. Only the friend is still alive. Her Mother hold a very special place in my heart as well. I had her sit with the Family in the front. She helped my mom decorate, plan, and even stepped in to serve cake when someone called in sick. She helped take everything down the next day as well.
I got her a framed print of me and her daughter together as kids and then together in my dress and her dress (she got married the same year) and we put the quote from Rory Gilmore on it. It reads: " My mother never gave me any idea that I couldn’t do whatever I wanted to do or be whomever I wanted to be. She filled our house with love and fun and books and music...... As she guided me through these incredible eighteen years, I don’t know if she ever realized that the person I most wanted to be was her...” T
hat was the most meaningful thing I could have ever done for her. When we got our hearts broken, she was there with junk food and Gilmore Girls Night to help us see things clearly. When we got into fights, were having a tough time at work or in college, she was there to help smooth things over. And when we ran from our problems she was there to help us face them. When my own mother and I were fighting, she was the bridge to bring us back together again.
My point being: Find something that would mean so much to her and do it. Whether it be including her, a gift, a speech. Find something she will cherish.
Edited by IRunOnFaith 2017-08-07 9:53 AM
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 Undercover Amish Mafia Member
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Red Bull Agressive
Posts: 5981
Location: North Dakota | Congratulations! Waiting a year between getting engaged and married is more than enough time. That's what we're doing. We have 5 weeks to go. Word of warning though, if you have ANY indication that either your family or his will be at all controlling or cause issues, elope. Just get the heck out of there. Wedding planning is tedious and sucks as it is, having to deal with rude, obnoxious inlaws that are constantly up in your business will make it absolutely unbearable. My fiance's parents have ruined any excitement I have for the day and have caused a lot of fighting between me and my fiance and so much unnecessary stress. It's just not worth it. You couldn't pay me to go through this BS again. Sorry, that was a bit of a rant, but I feel the need to warn people. It's great to get married but people can really mess up the experience. | |
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Expert
Posts: 1477
Location: In the land of peanuts and cotton | Thank you to everyone!!!! I originally wanted December but my dad owns a seasonal business that is only open 2 months so closing for a few days could really hurt his profit plus I help him run it. So I think we have settled on February. | |
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 Take a Picture
Posts: 12842
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| Congratulations! We got engaged during the winter, February, and planned our wedding for early summer, June, of that same year. We knew we wanted a small wedding, even though we have large extended families. We only invited our parents and siblings, and my cousin and his family (who are the parents of my godson). All in all, it was about 18 people, including the officiant, photographer, my husband and me, and the guests. It was the best day ever! Keeping it small meant we could do exactly what we wanted, and we had separate receptions/get togethers for both our families at a later date.
I think that is wonderful to include your best friend's mother, would you want her to do a reading of some sort? Or just be there and be able to enjoy the day being near you and your mother?
One thing I would not skimp on is a photographer! We hired a photographer that was local to my hometown, and he came with phenomenal reviews. We had such a great time and he enjoyed the day as much as we did, and the pictures are a great reminder of how special and wonderful the day was.
My brother had a HUGE wedding (almost 400 people), and I am so thankful we did not go that route. I can understand why people would, and why they wouldn't- and for us, having the small, intimate wedding was perfect.
Also- I rode up to the ceremony site on my college goat horse and it was glorious. Absolutely include your ponies if you can!!
CONGRATS AGAIN!! | |
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My Heart Be Happy
Posts: 9159
Location: Arkansas | madredepeanut - 2017-08-21 8:46 PM
Congratulations! We got engaged during the winter, February, and planned our wedding for early summer, June, of that same year. We knew we wanted a small wedding, even though we have large extended families. We only invited our parents and siblings, and my cousin and his family (who are the parents of my godson). All in all, it was about 18 people, including the officiant, photographer, my husband and me, and the guests. It was the best day ever! Keeping it small meant we could do exactly what we wanted, and we had separate receptions/get togethers for both our families at a later date.
I think that is wonderful to include your best friend's mother, would you want her to do a reading of some sort? Or just be there and be able to enjoy the day being near you and your mother?
One thing I would not skimp on is a photographer! We hired a photographer that was local to my hometown, and he came with phenomenal reviews. We had such a great time and he enjoyed the day as much as we did, and the pictures are a great reminder of how special and wonderful the day was.
My brother had a HUGE wedding (almost 400 people), and I am so thankful we did not go that route. I can understand why people would, and why they wouldn't- and for us, having the small, intimate wedding was perfect.
Also- I rode up to the ceremony site on my college goat horse and it was glorious. Absolutely include your ponies if you can!!
CONGRATS AGAIN!!
I would like pictures of you on your bridal steed | |
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| cavyrunsbarrels - 2017-08-07 9:27 AM
Congratulations! Waiting a year between getting engaged and married is more than enough time. That's what we're doing. We have 5 weeks to go. Word of warning though, if you have ANY indication that either your family or his will be at all controlling or cause issues, elope. Just get the heck out of there. Wedding planning is tedious and sucks as it is, having to deal with rude, obnoxious inlaws that are constantly up in your business will make it absolutely unbearable. My fiance's parents have ruined any excitement I have for the day and have caused a lot of fighting between me and my fiance and so much unnecessary stress. It's just not worth it. You couldn't pay me to go through this BS again. Sorry, that was a bit of a rant, but I feel the need to warn people. It's great to get married but people can really mess up the experience.
THIS!!! I agree wholeheartedly!! It should be about you and your future spouse and what YOU want! Stand your ground if there are certain things you want, but remember to be flexible in how you achieve those things. My husband and I had some *lovely* chats about pulling the plug and eloping instead of dealing with the stress of planning even a small wedding, but I am so glad we chose to stick with it and had the best time!
Remember that communication is key- this is the biggest first day ever for you and your future husband, so try to include him a little in the details. My brother wasn't included in his wedding details at all, and he definitely felt left out. I tried to include my husband (maybe a little too much...) and I think he was happier knowing the details going in. | |
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| Chandler's Mom - 2017-08-21 6:49 PM
madredepeanut - 2017-08-21 8:46 PM
Congratulations! We got engaged during the winter, February, and planned our wedding for early summer, June, of that same year. We knew we wanted a small wedding, even though we have large extended families. We only invited our parents and siblings, and my cousin and his family (who are the parents of my godson). All in all, it was about 18 people, including the officiant, photographer, my husband and me, and the guests. It was the best day ever! Keeping it small meant we could do exactly what we wanted, and we had separate receptions/get togethers for both our families at a later date.
I think that is wonderful to include your best friend's mother, would you want her to do a reading of some sort? Or just be there and be able to enjoy the day being near you and your mother?
One thing I would not skimp on is a photographer! We hired a photographer that was local to my hometown, and he came with phenomenal reviews. We had such a great time and he enjoyed the day as much as we did, and the pictures are a great reminder of how special and wonderful the day was.
My brother had a HUGE wedding (almost 400 people), and I am so thankful we did not go that route. I can understand why people would, and why they wouldn't- and for us, having the small, intimate wedding was perfect.
Also- I rode up to the ceremony site on my college goat horse and it was glorious. Absolutely include your ponies if you can!!
CONGRATS AGAIN!!
I would like pictures of you on your bridal steed
She had been sitting in the pasture happily being a horse and I uprooted her the week before the wedding, hopped on her and we went off like we hadn't missed a day! She's the real deal
ETA: OOF that was harder to add attachments than it needed to be! And that was my grandmother's wedding dress from the 1940s that had been worn by an aunt or two!
Edited by madredepeanut 2017-08-21 9:19 PM
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 Saint Stacey
| My daughter just got married. Planning her wedding, we learned a few things. Have a Plan B for everything just in case Plan A ends up being a bust. Pay your items off a little at a time leading up to the big day. That way it doesn't hurt your pocketbook as much. Weddings are only as stressful as you allow them to be. At the end of the day, everything works out and the only ones that know if something isn't right is the bride and her mother. Congrats!!!! | |
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 Extreme Veteran
Posts: 421
Location: Texas!! | madredepeanut - 2017-08-21 9:02 PM
Chandler's Mom - 2017-08-21 6:49 PM
madredepeanut - 2017-08-21 8:46 PM
Congratulations! We got engaged during the winter, February, and planned our wedding for early summer, June, of that same year. We knew we wanted a small wedding, even though we have large extended families. We only invited our parents and siblings, and my cousin and his family (who are the parents of my godson). All in all, it was about 18 people, including the officiant, photographer, my husband and me, and the guests. It was the best day ever! Keeping it small meant we could do exactly what we wanted, and we had separate receptions/get togethers for both our families at a later date.
I think that is wonderful to include your best friend's mother, would you want her to do a reading of some sort? Or just be there and be able to enjoy the day being near you and your mother?
One thing I would not skimp on is a photographer! We hired a photographer that was local to my hometown, and he came with phenomenal reviews. We had such a great time and he enjoyed the day as much as we did, and the pictures are a great reminder of how special and wonderful the day was.
My brother had a HUGE wedding (almost 400 people), and I am so thankful we did not go that route. I can understand why people would, and why they wouldn't- and for us, having the small, intimate wedding was perfect.
Also- I rode up to the ceremony site on my college goat horse and it was glorious. Absolutely include your ponies if you can!!
CONGRATS AGAIN!!
I would like pictures of you on your bridal steed
She had been sitting in the pasture happily being a horse and I uprooted her the week before the wedding, hopped on her and we went off like we hadn't missed a day! She's the real deal
ETA: OOF that was harder to add attachments than it needed to be! And that was my grandmother's wedding dress from the 1940s that had been worn by an aunt or two!
Aww!! I love the pictures!! What an exciting life that beautiful dress has had! lol
Congratulations TessBelle!!
Edited by rodeodelux 2017-08-22 9:11 AM
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 Expert
Posts: 3782
Location: Gainesville, TX | Congratulations! We started officially dating on my husband's birthday in November (though we had been chatting on the phone and all a while before that). We were 'sort of' engaged by Christmas (as in already talking venues) though I didn't get a ring until spring. We were married August 16 right before our graduate programs started (we only had a weekend to honeymoon, I mean move, into our new digs). We had a really cool wedding, about 75 people, and how fast it moved was very stressful. My husband, who I love very much and have put up with for 9 years and who has put up with me for that long, was bridezilla during the process. My in laws were not really bad but I know there were some hurt feelings from the process. All that said, would I have changed a thing about it, no. We have some terrific memories. And yes our photographer was good and it made a huge difference in how we can remember our day. Most people will tell you that weddings are stressful. That is very much on point. I can definitely see why some people go to Vegas. But I still loved having our special day with family and friends. Actually, after we left, they paid our DJ to stay to 3 AM and everyone still talks about what a great time they had. | |
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My Heart Be Happy
Posts: 9159
Location: Arkansas | madredepeanut - 2017-08-21 9:02 PM
Chandler's Mom - 2017-08-21 6:49 PM
madredepeanut - 2017-08-21 8:46 PM
Congratulations! We got engaged during the winter, February, and planned our wedding for early summer, June, of that same year. We knew we wanted a small wedding, even though we have large extended families. We only invited our parents and siblings, and my cousin and his family (who are the parents of my godson). All in all, it was about 18 people, including the officiant, photographer, my husband and me, and the guests. It was the best day ever! Keeping it small meant we could do exactly what we wanted, and we had separate receptions/get togethers for both our families at a later date.
I think that is wonderful to include your best friend's mother, would you want her to do a reading of some sort? Or just be there and be able to enjoy the day being near you and your mother?
One thing I would not skimp on is a photographer! We hired a photographer that was local to my hometown, and he came with phenomenal reviews. We had such a great time and he enjoyed the day as much as we did, and the pictures are a great reminder of how special and wonderful the day was.
My brother had a HUGE wedding (almost 400 people), and I am so thankful we did not go that route. I can understand why people would, and why they wouldn't- and for us, having the small, intimate wedding was perfect.
Also- I rode up to the ceremony site on my college goat horse and it was glorious. Absolutely include your ponies if you can!!
CONGRATS AGAIN!!
I would like pictures of you on your bridal steed
She had been sitting in the pasture happily being a horse and I uprooted her the week before the wedding, hopped on her and we went off like we hadn't missed a day! She's the real deal
ETA: OOF that was harder to add attachments than it needed to be! And that was my grandmother's wedding dress from the 1940s that had been worn by an aunt or two!
What a priceless memory that dress is and has created. Too cool, and you and your mare made it even more special---just wow. . . .
Congrats again to OP. Have you come up with any ideas for your friend's mother's part in the wedding? | |
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 You get what you give
Posts: 13030
Location: Texas | TessBelle - 2017-08-06 9:20 PM
I got engaged today on my 25th birthday!!!!! How long did everyone wait before actually getting married? And most importantly one of my best friends got killed in a car wreck 9 years ago. I've keep very close to her mother and that's who I go with to all the barrel races. I want her mother to be part of it some how. I don't know that I want her as a brides maid because I want her to sit on the front row next to my mother. But I don't know what I want. I am going to invite her to get dressed with me. Anyone else have any ideas?
I got engaged 10/11/2016 and am getting married 4/21/2018. It was a longer wait than I wanted but I wanted to finish vet school and my fiancé's twin brother is getting married this October and I didn't want to cram my wedding too close to theirs. | |
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 Not Afraid to Work
Posts: 4717
| Congrats! I think most people give themselves around a year depending on if they have a preference of time of year/venue.
As far as your friends Mom, maybe a personal attendant so she can be involved and there every step of the way. I have been that in a wedding and I got my hair done, bought a dress similar to the bridemaids, preferred seating, etc. | |
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 Extreme Veteran
Posts: 312
Location: KS | Ah Congrats, what an exciting time for you guys!!
My husband and I dated for almost 2.5 years (I was in college) before we got married, got engaged in November and less than 3 months later we got married (in February). Its completely a personal preference and depends how extravagant you plan to get with you big day.
I know of a gal who had the same type of person help them on their big day, I believe she called her an Honorary Mother, she was also the mother of a close friend she lost.
Good Luck and Best Wishes! | |
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Extreme Veteran
Posts: 312
Location: KS | madredepeanut - 2017-08-21 8:53 PM
cavyrunsbarrels - 2017-08-07 9:27 AM
Congratulations! Waiting a year between getting engaged and married is more than enough time. That's what we're doing. We have 5 weeks to go. Word of warning though, if you have ANY indication that either your family or his will be at all controlling or cause issues, elope. Just get the heck out of there. Wedding planning is tedious and sucks as it is, having to deal with rude, obnoxious inlaws that are constantly up in your business will make it absolutely unbearable. My fiance's parents have ruined any excitement I have for the day and have caused a lot of fighting between me and my fiance and so much unnecessary stress. It's just not worth it. You couldn't pay me to go through this BS again. Sorry, that was a bit of a rant, but I feel the need to warn people. It's great to get married but people can really mess up the experience.
THIS!!! I agree wholeheartedly!! It should be about you and your future spouse and what YOU want! Stand your ground if there are certain things you want, but remember to be flexible in how you achieve those things. My husband and I had some *lovely* chats about pulling the plug and eloping instead of dealing with the stress of planning even a small wedding, but I am so glad we chose to stick with it and had the best time!
Remember that communication is key- this is the biggest first day ever for you and your future husband, so try to include him a little in the details. My brother wasn't included in his wedding details at all, and he definitely felt left out. I tried to include my husband (maybe a little too much... ) and I think he was happier knowing the details going in.
I had inlaws this way. They told me they would not be attending our wedding if it was not in THEIR (Catholic) church. I chose to get married in the church I grew up in mainly because that's just what I had always planned and was comfortable with, my husband didn't care either way. So we chose to get married in my church (not a Catholic church) and his dad didn't come. I honestly though his mom wasnt going to either, she said she wasn't going to help with anything because she didn't know if she was going, so asked nothing of her, mind you I was very simple with my wedding and spent very little (which my parents paid for). 3 days before our wedding she called asking to do the rehearsal dinner, I told her no, she called my mom and asked, and she said yes (my moms and angel and always has been). She came by herself that day without her husband.
My husband and I have been together 10 years, married for almost 7, just welcomed our first child a year ago, and expecting another in October.
His folks tried so hard to take the joy out of our day, but the amount of people that came up and told me how proud they were for me being strong, for sticking it to them (these are the kind of people they are and my wedding is not the only thing they have tried to take the joy out of). It return I have a very terse relationship with my MIL, and a very distant relationship with them, but after so many years you have to choose your happiness over theirs. And helps a bunch when your husband finally after years understands how insane they are :)
Anyways just my experience, I was blessed to be brought up from an amazing family and did get an amazing husband out of it all. I hope your experience is a happy one on both sides, it will make the few times a year you do get together more enjoyable for all of you.
And hope the ones who have amazing family on both sides know how blessed they are!
I don't think I do it over again and elope mainly for the fact that it was important to me to have my dad walk me down the isle. I'm his only girl.
Edited by Peewee212 2017-08-26 11:24 AM
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