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Expert
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| This is a poor pitiful me post.
I won't air my dirty laundry too much. I just need....something. Encouragement? I am 23. I am working 2 full time jobs and going to school full time. I own my place & 4 horses. I do my best to provide the best for everything I own. The house, the truck, the trailer, the dog, the horses and most of all I'm trying to be the best military significant other that I know how to be. I am using so much of myself to try to keep up with it all. I have daily headaches, BP is through the roof. I'm constantly sick. It's killing me. I want out. Not him, horses. I'm not sure it's worth the expense anymore. Mom says I'll be miserable without them, but 80 hours a week? Plus school? I broke my back glass out last week backing my trailer in the dark rain trying to miss my mail box while he was gone (again...) Now I'm fighting the insurance because the cab was dented. But my mare just got cleared to run the barrels for the first time in 2 years after a no performance prognosis (first horse I ever bought on my own- I've had her 8 years). This is seriously a small bit. I get zero financial assistance from school so there's that. There is much more that I won't post. I take on more than most people with a lot less on their plate and I know, I know, it's all my fault. I know it is. This is a realization (the hole I'm in) that I've come to here in the last 6 months. Now I'm trying to get out of it responsibly while still doing all I can for the house, truck, horses, dog, and boyfriend, and it seems every time I take a step forward.... something comes along and takes me out at the knees. Weird. I refuse to post this via Facebook. I'm comfortable here though. Slightly anon? Anyways, thanks for taking the time to read my sob story. | |
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  That's White "Man" to You
Posts: 5515
| RoaniePonie11 - 2017-10-05 3:27 PM This is a poor pitiful me post. I won't air my dirty laundry too much. I just need....something. Encouragement? I am 23. I am working 2 full time jobs and going to school full time. I own my place & 4 horses. I do my best to provide the best for everything I own. The house, the truck, the trailer, the dog, the horses and most of all I'm trying to be the best military significant other that I know how to be. I am using so much of myself to try to keep up with it all. I have daily headaches, BP is through the roof. I'm constantly sick. It's killing me. I want out. Not him, horses. I'm not sure it's worth the expense anymore. Mom says I'll be miserable without them, but 80 hours a week? Plus school? I broke my back glass out last week backing my trailer in the dark rain trying to miss my mail box while he was gone (again...) Now I'm fighting the insurance because the cab was dented. But my mare just got cleared to run the barrels for the first time in 2 years after a no performance prognosis (first horse I ever bought on my own- I've had her 8 years). This is seriously a small bit. I get zero financial assistance from school so there's that. There is much more that I won't post. I take on more than most people with a lot less on their plate and I know, I know, it's all my fault. I know it is. This is a realization (the hole I'm in) that I've come to here in the last 6 months. Now I'm trying to get out of it responsibly while still doing all I can for the house, truck, horses, dog, and boyfriend, and it seems every time I take a step forward.... something comes along and takes me out at the knees. Weird. I refuse to post this via Facebook. I'm comfortable here though. Slightly anon? Anyways, thanks for taking the time to read my sob story.
#1 I strongly caution against making claims to which you likely know very little about. Not everybody wears their problems on their shirt sleve.
#2 Make small adjustments. Sell 2 or 3 of your horses. Give your dog away. Reduce one of your full time jobs to a part time.
#3 I think it is awesome that you don't need fininacial assistance for your schooling...way to many people become dependent on giveaways and never learn how to work becuase of it. It may be tough now, but you will be grateful for it down the road when you look back.
#4 It reminds me of a song, "Sounds Like Life To Me"!
Chin up, keep working at it. It will get better soon.
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 Warrior Mom
Posts: 4400
| First, congratulations on being 23 and owning your own place... that's a huge accomplishment! Maybe you just need to downsize on the horses... keep the ones you can actively compete on and enjoy! You've gotta take some time for you.. headaches and high BP is dangerous.. I'm sorry you are so overwhelmed, I've been there, it's no fun... my husband is gone a lot so I take care of things around here by myself .. plus 3 kids...I have 3 horses... honestly sometimes I wish I only had 1, mine, to enjoy... | |
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 Expert
Posts: 3815
Location: The best kept secret in TX | RoaniePonie11 - 2017-10-05 3:27 PM This is a poor pitiful me post. I won't air my dirty laundry too much. I just need....something. Encouragement? I am 23. I am working 2 full time jobs and going to school full time. I own my place & 4 horses. I do my best to provide the best for everything I own. The house, the truck, the trailer, the dog, the horses and most of all I'm trying to be the best military significant other that I know how to be. I am using so much of myself to try to keep up with it all. I have daily headaches, BP is through the roof. I'm constantly sick. It's killing me. I want out. Not him, horses. I'm not sure it's worth the expense anymore. Mom says I'll be miserable without them, but 80 hours a week? Plus school? I broke my back glass out last week backing my trailer in the dark rain trying to miss my mail box while he was gone (again...) Now I'm fighting the insurance because the cab was dented. But my mare just got cleared to run the barrels for the first time in 2 years after a no performance prognosis (first horse I ever bought on my own- I've had her 8 years). This is seriously a small bit. I get zero financial assistance from school so there's that. There is much more that I won't post. I take on more than most people with a lot less on their plate and I know, I know, it's all my fault. I know it is. This is a realization (the hole I'm in) that I've come to here in the last 6 months. Now I'm trying to get out of it responsibly while still doing all I can for the house, truck, horses, dog, and boyfriend, and it seems every time I take a step forward.... something comes along and takes me out at the knees. Weird. I refuse to post this via Facebook. I'm comfortable here though. Slightly anon? Anyways, thanks for taking the time to read my sob story.
Hugs to you. I know you didn't post looking for advice but, i'm a mom and I like to try and fix things so I'm going to suggest a few things in hopes it lessens your stress levels.
Maybe cut down on the horses to 1 or 2 and see if your bills slow down. Maybe lease a horse or two out so that the leasee can pay for things instead of you? That way you can get them back when you can afford them? Get the help of an attorney to draw up a contract you both can sign.
Next, breathe. Your energy comes from food. Food gives you energy and if you don't eat the right foods your mood will suffer for it. Get on a good whole food program and relax. A nice long bath, a good book, maybe some lavender or chamomile tea while you soak. Close your eyes and breathe. Everything will be just fine!
Take an exercise class or two, every week or so (Not a gym membership just a $10-$15 class here and there when you have the money.) and see if that ups your mood. You can learn a lot from one or two classes and then replecate them at home for free.
If you have to work 2 jobs to keep everything afloat maybe you can downsize and only work 1 job. Stress is no fun.
Hugs again to you.  | |
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 Expert
Posts: 1520
Location: Illinois | When I was your age I was going to school for 22 credit hours & 16 was considered full time. Plus working 30-40 hours, commuting 3 hours a day, and taking care of 2 horses and it was sooo overwhelming. So kudos for you trying to take on more than that, I applaud you for your efforts. I've had times where I've been so busy that I've thought about giving it up, I lost the drive & interest for awhile. But I would have kicked myself if I had gotten out of it completely. Do you have any of the 4 horses you'd part with or lease out? Even just that would take away a little financial burden. Or maybe enough experience to give lessons in your area? We give lessons at the barn I'm privately at (its a friends parents house) and we gets new kids coming in all the time wanting basic beginner lessons and pay $35 an hour for it. Right now there's 30 kids a week. Might be something to think about as another job idea to replace one of the others? Just kinda throwing some random ideas here. I do think if you completely get out you'll regret it, I'd at least keep your one mare you've had so long. Think about leasing one out if you can, even an on site lease. People pay $200-300 here for a month to lease a horse, that's enough to cover a good chunk of your expenses for the horses. I have 3 and $250 a month would cover all my feed for the month, besides supplements. I think it's most important to focus on your education and don't let anything get in the way of that. We all have times in life where it seems like things happen one after the other, my life has been a ****storm for almost 2 years now. But you know what, that's what makes us stronger. Those hard times help define us & make us who we are. God won't throw something your way that He doesn't think you can't handle, so keep that in mind. I wish you luck & hopefully things can settle down for you. :) | |
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 You get what you give
Posts: 13030
Location: Texas | Whiteboy - 2017-10-05 3:50 PM
RoaniePonie11 - 2017-10-05 3:27 PM This is a poor pitiful me post. I won't air my dirty laundry too much. I just need....something. Encouragement? I am 23. I am working 2 full time jobs and going to school full time. I own my place & 4 horses. I do my best to provide the best for everything I own. The house, the truck, the trailer, the dog, the horses and most of all I'm trying to be the best military significant other that I know how to be. I am using so much of myself to try to keep up with it all. I have daily headaches, BP is through the roof. I'm constantly sick. It's killing me. I want out. Not him, horses. I'm not sure it's worth the expense anymore. Mom says I'll be miserable without them, but 80 hours a week? Plus school? I broke my back glass out last week backing my trailer in the dark rain trying to miss my mail box while he was gone (again...) Now I'm fighting the insurance because the cab was dented. But my mare just got cleared to run the barrels for the first time in 2 years after a no performance prognosis (first horse I ever bought on my own- I've had her 8 years). This is seriously a small bit. I get zero financial assistance from school so there's that. There is much more that I won't post. I take on more than most people with a lot less on their plate and I know, I know, it's all my fault. I know it is. This is a realization (the hole I'm in) that I've come to here in the last 6 months. Now I'm trying to get out of it responsibly while still doing all I can for the house, truck, horses, dog, and boyfriend, and it seems every time I take a step forward.... something comes along and takes me out at the knees. Weird. I refuse to post this via Facebook. I'm comfortable here though. Slightly anon? Anyways, thanks for taking the time to read my sob story.
#1 I strongly caution against making claims to which you likely know very little about. Not everybody wears their problems on their shirt sleve. #2 Make small adjustments. Sell 2 or 3 of your horses. Give your dog away. Reduce one of your full time jobs to a part time. #3 I think it is awesome that you don't need fininacial assistance for your schooling...way to many people become dependent on giveaways and never learn how to work becuase of it. It may be tough now, but you will be grateful for it down the road when you look back. #4 It reminds me of a song, "Sounds Like Life To Me"! Chin up, keep working at it. It will get better soon.
No kidding on the #1 comment... | |
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 Undercover Amish Mafia Member
Posts: 9992
Location: Kansas | casualdust07 - 2017-10-05 4:23 PM Whiteboy - 2017-10-05 3:50 PM RoaniePonie11 - 2017-10-05 3:27 PM This is a poor pitiful me post. I won't air my dirty laundry too much. I just need....something. Encouragement? I am 23. I am working 2 full time jobs and going to school full time. I own my place & 4 horses. I do my best to provide the best for everything I own. The house, the truck, the trailer, the dog, the horses and most of all I'm trying to be the best military significant other that I know how to be. I am using so much of myself to try to keep up with it all. I have daily headaches, BP is through the roof. I'm constantly sick. It's killing me. I want out. Not him, horses. I'm not sure it's worth the expense anymore. Mom says I'll be miserable without them, but 80 hours a week? Plus school? I broke my back glass out last week backing my trailer in the dark rain trying to miss my mail box while he was gone (again...) Now I'm fighting the insurance because the cab was dented. But my mare just got cleared to run the barrels for the first time in 2 years after a no performance prognosis (first horse I ever bought on my own- I've had her 8 years). This is seriously a small bit. I get zero financial assistance from school so there's that. There is much more that I won't post. I take on more than most people with a lot less on their plate and I know, I know, it's all my fault. I know it is. This is a realization (the hole I'm in) that I've come to here in the last 6 months. Now I'm trying to get out of it responsibly while still doing all I can for the house, truck, horses, dog, and boyfriend, and it seems every time I take a step forward.... something comes along and takes me out at the knees. Weird. I refuse to post this via Facebook. I'm comfortable here though. Slightly anon? Anyways, thanks for taking the time to read my sob story. #1 I strongly caution against making claims to which you likely know very little about. Not everybody wears their problems on their shirt sleve.
#2 Make small adjustments. Sell 2 or 3 of your horses. Give your dog away. Reduce one of your full time jobs to a part time.
#3 I think it is awesome that you don't need fininacial assistance for your schooling...way to many people become dependent on giveaways and never learn how to work becuase of it. It may be tough now, but you will be grateful for it down the road when you look back.
#4 It reminds me of a song, "Sounds Like Life To Me"!
Chin up, keep working at it. It will get better soon.
No kidding on the #1 comment...
I'm gonna be the one who thirds this......on #1 | |
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 Elite Veteran
Posts: 929
| Been there done that...and you know what I did? I sold all but two of my horses, leased those two out, sold the fancy truck and trailer and purchased something older and less fancy (but completely paid for!) got a room mate (who are we kidding...I live in California- I had TWO room mates) so that I could have one job while I went to college.
And then after college with mountains of debt- I still leased the horses out, moved to a tiny studio on a ranch, and fed the horses on the property for free boarding so that my horse lease money could go towards rent and paying my debts.
It was surprisingly a freeing experience. | |
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 The Vaccinator
Posts: 3810
Location: Slipping down the slope of old age. Boo hoo. | Many, many years ago when I was a young pup, someone very wise told me "You can have anything, but you cannot have everything." A successful life requires one to set priorities and those priorities change. Often. There is ebb and flow. You are 23. Your health is important -- probably the most important thing since it's the foundation for a good life. Everyone faces challenges. We all get overwhelmed. We have to take a moment, step back and review -- and make the necessary changes in order to move forward. Everyone needs short term and long-term goals and strategies. We all have to make adjustments to reach our goals. Communicate with your significant other.... come to agreement on your goals and how to reach them. Take care of your health and your marriage. Those should be your #1 priorities. Then fit in the rest appropriately. Good luck! Remember - you are in control of your life. | |
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Expert
Posts: 1446
Location: California | I don't think she necessarily meant comment number 1 the way most people are taking it. For every 1 person that hits the grind from sun up till sun down, there's 5 people content sitting on the couch watching tv all day. . .
You have to pick priorities and go from there. I do think down sizing horses is a good place to start. | |
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 A Somebody to Everybody
Posts: 41354
Location: Under The Big Sky Of Texas | Whiteboy - 2017-10-05 3:50 PM RoaniePonie11 - 2017-10-05 3:27 PM This is a poor pitiful me post. I won't air my dirty laundry too much. I just need....something. Encouragement? I am 23. I am working 2 full time jobs and going to school full time. I own my place & 4 horses. I do my best to provide the best for everything I own. The house, the truck, the trailer, the dog, the horses and most of all I'm trying to be the best military significant other that I know how to be. I am using so much of myself to try to keep up with it all. I have daily headaches, BP is through the roof. I'm constantly sick. It's killing me. I want out. Not him, horses. I'm not sure it's worth the expense anymore. Mom says I'll be miserable without them, but 80 hours a week? Plus school? I broke my back glass out last week backing my trailer in the dark rain trying to miss my mail box while he was gone (again...) Now I'm fighting the insurance because the cab was dented. But my mare just got cleared to run the barrels for the first time in 2 years after a no performance prognosis (first horse I ever bought on my own- I've had her 8 years). This is seriously a small bit. I get zero financial assistance from school so there's that. There is much more that I won't post. I take on more than most people with a lot less on their plate and I know, I know, it's all my fault. I know it is. This is a realization (the hole I'm in) that I've come to here in the last 6 months. Now I'm trying to get out of it responsibly while still doing all I can for the house, truck, horses, dog, and boyfriend, and it seems every time I take a step forward.... something comes along and takes me out at the knees. Weird. I refuse to post this via Facebook. I'm comfortable here though. Slightly anon? Anyways, thanks for taking the time to read my sob story. #1 I strongly caution against making claims to which you likely know very little about. Not everybody wears their problems on their shirt sleve.
#2 Make small adjustments. Sell 2 or 3 of your horses. Give your dog away. Reduce one of your full time jobs to a part time.
#3 I think it is awesome that you don't need fininacial assistance for your schooling...way to many people become dependent on giveaways and never learn how to work becuase of it. It may be tough now, but you will be grateful for it down the road when you look back.
#4 It reminds me of a song, "Sounds Like Life To Me"!
Chin up, keep working at it. It will get better soon.
Ditto to the #1 comment, you have no ideal what everyone gos threw in their life time.. | |
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 My Heart Be Happy
Posts: 9159
Location: Arkansas | I just want to send good thoughts and hugs your way. Life is hard, and no one knows for sure what they would do in someone else's shoes. Keep your chin up, and if you need anything, there are several folks on here that I'm sure wouldn't mind you sending them a PM. Me included. | |
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Go Get Em!
Posts: 13503
Location: OH. IO | Sent you a PM;) | |
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 To the Left
Posts: 1865
Location: Florida | Forgive me for being old fashioned and pratical, but the bigest mistake I see you making is being a military "signifiant other" If you were married you would have military benefits available to help you. Lighten your load and reevaluate your situation. What are you getting out of being a SO working so hard for your future without a ring on your finger. | |
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Veteran
Posts: 134
| Try to keep your head up. You are doing so much better than so many your age. Your health is so important, don't let the stress eat it away. I definitely understand being overloaded, burnt out, and still not being able to say no projects at work, requests from friends, etc. I hate disappointing anyone so I have a hard time saying no and an even harder time talking about my feelings or showing an type of weakness to anyone, but my goal this year was to put me and my health first and I am a much stronger and happier person because of it. Now, when I feel overwhelmed and upset with something I ask myself, Will this matter in a year? and most of the time the answer is no, so I take a breath, face the problem, get past it, and move on. I really believe that all of the rough times like this help to make you a better person and that is coming 100% from experience. Feel free to PM me if you ever want to talk, even just to vent. | |
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 672
| Ok I am posting what I wish someone would have told me when I was that age in your similar situation:
#1 Say No.
you don't have to take that extra shift at work, you don't have to always be at someone's beck and call to care for them. Your answer doesn't always need to be "Yes". I made that mistake and ended up helping a lot of other people accomplish their goals while neglecting mine. I am not saying don't help, just be very particular about who and where you give your valuable time to.
#2. Understand you may have to give up something in order to gain something bigger.
I had 3 horses I loved, but all 3 took up way too much time and I ended up 1/2 assing on all 3. I sold my best one so that I could focus on the others and bring them up to that level. Hardest decision but best reward I've had.
#4. Don't move in with a guy for anything unless you have a ring on your finger and the wedding is this weekend. No kidding. Don't do it for convenience, for love, lust, nothing. I'm not saying that from bitterness, just experience. Yeah, I did it and we are still married and it works for others too, but looking back I SO wish I'd done it differently.
#5. If you are feeling overwhelmed something needs to go. Cut out a job or start going part time. Cut your living expenses if you "need" two jobs to pay the bills. Or get one job that pays better and focus on that One. You CAN cut your expenses and make things work. I know because I've been forced to before and let me tell you it's a lot easier to do it willingly than be forced to!
That's too bad you have a lot of stress right now but the GOOD thing is, is YOU are in control and have the ability to change any one of those circumstances!!! Good luck!! | |
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Location: Not Where I Want to Be | Vickie - 2017-10-05 10:31 PM Forgive me for being old fashioned and pratical, but the bigest mistake I see you making is being a military "signifiant other" If you were married you would have military benefits available to help you. Lighten your load and reevaluate your situation. What are you getting out of being a SO working so hard for your future without a ring on your finger.
Looking for that MRS degree.
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Expert
Posts: 2685
| I'm going to reply one mass reply because I don't really want to bump this up a bunch. I'm not overly proud that I aired my dirty laundry, but thank you guys for everything. I'm going to try to address everything, if I don't remember your post, know it helped to see understanding people.
I didn't mean to offend anyone with my comment about taking on more than most. I go to school with kids my age that get upset when their parents don't give them gas money or quit paying their cell phone bill. That's where that comment stems from.
I do work 2 jobs to cover expenses and the plan is to sell the 2yos but there are 3000 2yos on the market right now, so I would have to give them away. I will probably end up wintering them and selling as 3s because they are too nice to give away.
I also want to downsize trailers and get something smaller that is paid in full.
My health is... okay. I workout a few times a week, and I eat well. Stress is sure taking its toll. I couldn't imagine what my health would be like if I didn't workout or eat right. Thank you guys for being concerned. I have got to do something about the stress though because it's killing my quality of life.
I read a post that said to tell people no. That hits it right on the head. Tonight I will be going to pick up a friends horse at the vet (that I dropped off yesterday because he needed his teeth done before the barrel race this weekend), and I will be missing my SOs softball games. It's another "no" issue :/
As for the SO thing. It made me smile to read the ring on my finger post. We have been together 11 months yesterday. We have been looking at rings. He's not a free loader, he helps me a ton. I just don't expect him to take on my financial burden. Him and I are going to sit down and have a discussion this weekend about what all is going on in my life that I don't share with him (because I feel it's not his burden to bear). We are at that stage where we want to spend the rest of our lives with each other and are 100% prepared do to whatever that takes but there are things like being open about finances that we need to do first. I have literally never been open with anyone about my finances. I was raised that it's no ones business and no one else's problem. It's something I'm working on.
Thank you again to everyone who took the time to read my sob story and cared enough to respond. | |
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 Elite Veteran
Posts: 602
| Sound like being an adult. I know we have all been there. The struggle is apart of life, let it be a financial struggle, school struggle, or job struggle. I bought my house when i was 22. I worked a full time job while going to school full time. I got my masters while working full time and expecting my first child. At the end of the day you can have self pity or make changes. The harder you work the bigger the reward. | |
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Red Bull Agressive
Posts: 5981
Location: North Dakota | IRunOnFaith - 2017-10-05 3:52 PM RoaniePonie11 - 2017-10-05 3:27 PM This is a poor pitiful me post. I won't air my dirty laundry too much. I just need....something. Encouragement? I am 23. I am working 2 full time jobs and going to school full time. I own my place & 4 horses. I do my best to provide the best for everything I own. The house, the truck, the trailer, the dog, the horses and most of all I'm trying to be the best military significant other that I know how to be. I am using so much of myself to try to keep up with it all. I have daily headaches, BP is through the roof. I'm constantly sick. It's killing me. I want out. Not him, horses. I'm not sure it's worth the expense anymore. Mom says I'll be miserable without them, but 80 hours a week? Plus school? I broke my back glass out last week backing my trailer in the dark rain trying to miss my mail box while he was gone (again...) Now I'm fighting the insurance because the cab was dented. But my mare just got cleared to run the barrels for the first time in 2 years after a no performance prognosis (first horse I ever bought on my own- I've had her 8 years). This is seriously a small bit. I get zero financial assistance from school so there's that. There is much more that I won't post. I take on more than most people with a lot less on their plate and I know, I know, it's all my fault. I know it is. This is a realization (the hole I'm in) that I've come to here in the last 6 months. Now I'm trying to get out of it responsibly while still doing all I can for the house, truck, horses, dog, and boyfriend, and it seems every time I take a step forward.... something comes along and takes me out at the knees. Weird. I refuse to post this via Facebook. I'm comfortable here though. Slightly anon? Anyways, thanks for taking the time to read my sob story. Hugs to you. I know you didn't post looking for advice but, i'm a mom and I like to try and fix things so I'm going to suggest a few things in hopes it lessens your stress levels.
Maybe cut down on the horses to 1 or 2 and see if your bills slow down. Maybe lease a horse or two out so that the leasee can pay for things instead of you? That way you can get them back when you can afford them? Get the help of an attorney to draw up a contract you both can sign.
Next, breathe. Your energy comes from food. Food gives you energy and if you don't eat the right foods your mood will suffer for it. Get on a good whole food program and relax. A nice long bath, a good book, maybe some lavender or chamomile tea while you soak. Close your eyes and breathe. Everything will be just fine!
Take an exercise class or two, every week or so (Not a gym membership just a $10-$15 class here and there when you have the money.) and see if that ups your mood. You can learn a lot from one or two classes and then replecate them at home for free.
If you have to work 2 jobs to keep everything afloat maybe you can downsize and only work 1 job. Stress is no fun.
Hugs again to you. 
OP, I understand to a degree what you're going through. I don't have a dog or a house (I rent) but I'm your age, newly married, and I too developed elevated bp and my hair is falling out. I was boarding 3 horses which cost me nearly $1000 a month, I cut back to one. That helped with financial stress. Personal life problems and constant stress from that has pushed me to the point of having full on panic attacks recently (like my husband was on the verge of taking me to the ER).
I can't remove all the things people from my life that cause this stress, but it's amazing how much the little things can help. I do pretty much all the things recommended above and they really make a difference.
Edited by cavyrunsbarrels 2017-10-06 10:25 AM
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Expert
Posts: 1446
Location: California | RoaniePonie11 - 2017-10-06 7:36 AM I'm going to reply one mass reply because I don't really want to bump this up a bunch. I'm not overly proud that I aired my dirty laundry, but thank you guys for everything. I'm going to try to address everything, if I don't remember your post, know it helped to see understanding people. I didn't mean to offend anyone with my comment about taking on more than most. I go to school with kids my age that get upset when their parents don't give them gas money or quit paying their cell phone bill. That's where that comment stems from. I do work 2 jobs to cover expenses and the plan is to sell the 2yos but there are 3000 2yos on the market right now, so I would have to give them away. I will probably end up wintering them and selling as 3s because they are too nice to give away. I also want to downsize trailers and get something smaller that is paid in full. My health is... okay. I workout a few times a week, and I eat well. Stress is sure taking its toll. I couldn't imagine what my health would be like if I didn't workout or eat right. Thank you guys for being concerned. I have got to do something about the stress though because it's killing my quality of life. I read a post that said to tell people no. That hits it right on the head. Tonight I will be going to pick up a friends horse at the vet (that I dropped off yesterday because he needed his teeth done before the barrel race this weekend), and I will be missing my SOs softball games. It's another "no" issue :/ As for the SO thing. It made me smile to read the ring on my finger post. We have been together 11 months yesterday. We have been looking at rings. He's not a free loader, he helps me a ton. I just don't expect him to take on my financial burden. Him and I are going to sit down and have a discussion this weekend about what all is going on in my life that I don't share with him (because I feel it's not his burden to bear). We are at that stage where we want to spend the rest of our lives with each other and are 100% prepared do to whatever that takes but there are things like being open about finances that we need to do first. I have literally never been open with anyone about my finances. I was raised that it's no ones business and no one else's problem. It's something I'm working on. Thank you again to everyone who took the time to read my sob story and cared enough to respond.
You do not need to apologize for being "offensive". You weren't, it's just a matter of how you want to look at what you said. And I understood what you meant.
My husband married me when I was in very substantial debt, and he had none. But if you're going to marry him you have to always be honest about your finances. No secret debt! Lay it all out there. The good, the bad and the ugly.
And I know it's hard to let a horse go for less than they are worth, but sometimes getting that extra strain off of your shoulders out weighs the loss you take.
Best of luck. | |
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 Owner of a ratting catting machine
Posts: 2258
| With all due respect, and no snarkiness intended, but you're still very much a baby. You don't know yet that most people can, and do, take on the load that you have, plus more. Much more.
If I could go back to 23 I would:
Sell the horses. All the horses. Keep the beloved dog and take her for more walks. Go to class, every single day. Focus on school. Sell the truck. Sell the trailer. Focus on school. Put all accumulated tack into storage. Go to class. Pet the dog. Break up with the guy and block his number. Take out restraining order. Chuckle while filling in the forms. Keep only one part time job. Party and have a great time and do stupid shttt and have amazing stories to tell. Go to class. Get straight As. Take trips with college friends, especially ones the folks don't know about. Go to class. Smoke more marijuana before career sets in and are subject to randoms for rest of life. Take dog for lots of walks and fun lake time. Visit grandparents, they have a tendency to pass away.
I have been incredibly successful in my career and probably sounded a lot like you do in this post when I was in school. Guess what? I literally don't have a single horse left in my life that I had a 23. I don't have the truck. I don't have the trailer. I don't have the guy. The dog just passed away a month ago, without me, because I gave her away. I'm still not okay about it. I don't have the residence, or so much a comforter set that I had in college. I still have all my tack, because I'm a hoarder.
Guess what I remember the most from college? I remember the fun. I remember the classes and the things I learned. I remember most the illicit trips to Vegas and Kansas City and Jackson MS, and Jackson Wy, and half a dozen other places I was absolutely NOT supposed to be. I remember having an absolute blast dancing with whoever the heck I wanted to dance with. I came out with a bachelors, a sense of humor, and work ethic, and all that I went in with was a sense of humor and work ethic. I WISH I had let myself be a kid, when I really was just a kid. I wish I had worked harder in school, and learned more! I also really wish I had smoked more weed and spent more time just relaxing while I had the chance.
Just consider your age, and just know that you've put yourself in a race to get somewhere that literally lasts the rest of your life. Chill out and have more fun, because you're going to look back and wonder what the heck was the big hurry? | |
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 Miss Laundry Misshap
Posts: 5271
| When do you have time to sleep? I had a part time job, 2 horses, and SO when I was that age, who I was engaged to, and I still had very little me time. I can't imagine 2 FT jobs, FT School, and all that you have with little to no help. You're killing yourself and you don't know it.
Get down to 1 or 2 horses. That will help reduce expenses so that you can quit a job or at least go to part time. One horse would really fix that. Make time for YOU! What exactly do you do with the horses, since you are so busy? I can't imagine traveling to race or show with all that. It's no fun because you are just feeding and shoveling crap.
As far as taking things on, I get it. There are a lot of lazy SOBs out there who want the whole world handed to them. Kudos for stepping up to the plate and being independent. But in that same sense, ask for help! If SO or kid down the street wants to ride, ask them to shovel stalls, or see if they want to lease - even if it's just a food lease. There's lots of things you can do! | |
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I Really Love Jeans
Posts: 3173
Location: North Dakota | The smartest thing you could do would be to let all the horses go and enjoy being a kid and build a career for yourself!!!!!!!!!! Visit with family now because they will be gone one day and you will wish you cherished every minute you had with them! Men come and go so build yourself a future so you can take care of YOU! You can get a horse again once you have saved some money and lived a little! The number one mistake young women make is not building a decent career!!! Anyway you have been given lots of good advice by people who know what they did wrong or right at your age!!!!! | |
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 Peecans
| classicpotatochip - 2017-10-06 9:24 AM
With all due respect, and no snarkiness intended, but you're still very much a baby. You don't know yet that most people can, and do, take on the load that you have, plus more. Much more.
If I could go back to 23 I would:
Sell the horses. All the horses. Keep the beloved dog and take her for more walks. Go to class, every single day. Focus on school. Sell the truck. Sell the trailer. Focus on school. Put all accumulated tack into storage. Go to class. Pet the dog. Break up with the guy and block his number. Take out restraining order. Chuckle while filling in the forms. Keep only one part time job. Party and have a great time and do stupid shttt and have amazing stories to tell. Go to class. Get straight As. Take trips with college friends, especially ones the folks don't know about. Go to class. Smoke more marijuana before career sets in and are subject to randoms for rest of life. Take dog for lots of walks and fun lake time. Visit grandparents, they have a tendency to pass away.
I have been incredibly successful in my career and probably sounded a lot like you do in this post when I was in school. Guess what? I literally don't have a single horse left in my life that I had a 23. I don't have the truck. I don't have the trailer. I don't have the guy. The dog just passed away a month ago, without me, because I gave her away. I'm still not okay about it. I don't have the residence, or so much a comforter set that I had in college. I still have all my tack, because I'm a hoarder.
Guess what I remember the most from college? I remember the fun. I remember the classes and the things I learned. I remember most the illicit trips to Vegas and Kansas City and Jackson MS, and Jackson Wy, and half a dozen other places I was absolutely NOT supposed to be. I remember having an absolute blast dancing with whoever the heck I wanted to dance with. I came out with a bachelors, a sense of humor, and work ethic, and all that I went in with was a sense of humor and work ethic. I WISH I had let myself be a kid, when I really was just a kid. I wish I had worked harder in school, and learned more! I also really wish I had smoked more weed and spent more time just relaxing while I had the chance.
Just consider your age, and just know that you've put yourself in a race to get somewhere that literally lasts the rest of your life. Chill out and have more fun, because you're going to look back and wonder what the heck was the big hurry?
I still have that horse, had him since I was 17, I'm 31 now.
I'm not saying anything really by saying that, but some people just need that horse in there lives, Id hate to think the path it would have sent me down when things were REALLY hard and I walked away from horses, they truly are my sole, and without them and that very special horse, I don't think I would be here to say that.
OP - I hope you find your peace and some balance, many hugs to you. I get the sense from your past posts your horses are very much part of you and you really struggle without them. | |
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My Heart Be Happy
Posts: 9159
Location: Arkansas | della - 2017-10-06 3:16 PM
classicpotatochip - 2017-10-06 9:24 AM
With all due respect, and no snarkiness intended, but you're still very much a baby. You don't know yet that most people can, and do, take on the load that you have, plus more. Much more.
If I could go back to 23 I would:
Sell the horses. All the horses. Keep the beloved dog and take her for more walks. Go to class, every single day. Focus on school. Sell the truck. Sell the trailer. Focus on school. Put all accumulated tack into storage. Go to class. Pet the dog. Break up with the guy and block his number. Take out restraining order. Chuckle while filling in the forms. Keep only one part time job. Party and have a great time and do stupid shttt and have amazing stories to tell. Go to class. Get straight As. Take trips with college friends, especially ones the folks don't know about. Go to class. Smoke more marijuana before career sets in and are subject to randoms for rest of life. Take dog for lots of walks and fun lake time. Visit grandparents, they have a tendency to pass away.
I have been incredibly successful in my career and probably sounded a lot like you do in this post when I was in school. Guess what? I literally don't have a single horse left in my life that I had a 23. I don't have the truck. I don't have the trailer. I don't have the guy. The dog just passed away a month ago, without me, because I gave her away. I'm still not okay about it. I don't have the residence, or so much a comforter set that I had in college. I still have all my tack, because I'm a hoarder.
Guess what I remember the most from college? I remember the fun. I remember the classes and the things I learned. I remember most the illicit trips to Vegas and Kansas City and Jackson MS, and Jackson Wy, and half a dozen other places I was absolutely NOT supposed to be. I remember having an absolute blast dancing with whoever the heck I wanted to dance with. I came out with a bachelors, a sense of humor, and work ethic, and all that I went in with was a sense of humor and work ethic. I WISH I had let myself be a kid, when I really was just a kid. I wish I had worked harder in school, and learned more! I also really wish I had smoked more weed and spent more time just relaxing while I had the chance.
Just consider your age, and just know that you've put yourself in a race to get somewhere that literally lasts the rest of your life. Chill out and have more fun, because you're going to look back and wonder what the heck was the big hurry?
I still have that horse, had him since I was 17, I'm 31 now.
I'm not saying anything really by saying that, but some people just need that horse in there lives, Id hate to think the path it would have sent me down when things were REALLY hard and I walked away from horses, they truly are my sole, and without them and that very special horse, I don't think I would be here to say that.
OP - I hope you find your peace and some balance, many hugs to you. I get the sense from your past posts your horses are very much part of you and you really struggle without them.
I really think Della has a point. I think you would miss your 4 legged kids if you sold them. Special horses are irreplaceable. I know not everyone sees it that way, just my opinion. Hoping your and bf's talk goes well, and you are wearing a beautiful ring before long. . . . Which we'll want to see pics of!!!! More hugs sent your way---and no apologies to anyone on your part. . . . | |
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 Three in a Bikini
Posts: 2035
| classicpotatochip - 2017-10-06 8:24 AM
With all due respect, and no snarkiness intended, but you're still very much a baby. You don't know yet that most people can, and do, take on the load that you have, plus more. Much more.
If I could go back to 23 I would:
Sell the horses. All the horses. Keep the beloved dog and take her for more walks. Go to class, every single day. Focus on school. Sell the truck. Sell the trailer. Focus on school. Put all accumulated tack into storage. Go to class. Pet the dog. Break up with the guy and block his number. Take out restraining order. Chuckle while filling in the forms. Keep only one part time job. Party and have a great time and do stupid shttt and have amazing stories to tell. Go to class. Get straight As. Take trips with college friends, especially ones the folks don't know about. Go to class. Smoke more marijuana before career sets in and are subject to randoms for rest of life. Take dog for lots of walks and fun lake time. Visit grandparents, they have a tendency to pass away.
I have been incredibly successful in my career and probably sounded a lot like you do in this post when I was in school. Guess what? I literally don't have a single horse left in my life that I had a 23. I don't have the truck. I don't have the trailer. I don't have the guy. The dog just passed away a month ago, without me, because I gave her away. I'm still not okay about it. I don't have the residence, or so much a comforter set that I had in college. I still have all my tack, because I'm a hoarder.
Guess what I remember the most from college? I remember the fun. I remember the classes and the things I learned. I remember most the illicit trips to Vegas and Kansas City and Jackson MS, and Jackson Wy, and half a dozen other places I was absolutely NOT supposed to be. I remember having an absolute blast dancing with whoever the heck I wanted to dance with. I came out with a bachelors, a sense of humor, and work ethic, and all that I went in with was a sense of humor and work ethic. I WISH I had let myself be a kid, when I really was just a kid. I wish I had worked harder in school, and learned more! I also really wish I had smoked more weed and spent more time just relaxing while I had the chance.
Just consider your age, and just know that you've put yourself in a race to get somewhere that literally lasts the rest of your life. Chill out and have more fun, because you're going to look back and wonder what the heck was the big hurry?
Agreed.
You do not have to do everything at once.
You can actually do one thing at a time. :) | |
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Nut Case Expert
Posts: 9305
Location: Tulsa, Ok | You have already taken the first step by realizing that your stress is self-induced. Take a step back and re-evaluate what is truly important to you and let some of the less important things go. Eventually stress overload can make you physically ill and I can guarantee you that it is not worth it in the long haul. | |
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Veteran
Posts: 155
| Do 2 things, make a budget of your money and a budget of your time. Figure your income and expenses based on 1 full time job and school, without your SO's income... just yours. Then figure how much time all that takes, do you have time for 1 horse or more? Time and money to compete or just ride for your sanity? I get keeping horses, sometimes cleaning poop is therapy. But, in my opinion something had to give, before it ends up being a long term health issue. Good luck! | |
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the stress.... it's all my fault