Nita - 2017-10-26 6:37 PM Sounds like she has some other stuff going on in her life. I'd just let her know that you care and are there for her, if she needs anything or just to talk. Just leave the door open so she can reach out to you, but yeah, she needs to be the one to reach out and maybe apologize after she went off on you. As far as the picture with the flowers, it would not have been a big deal to me. You might be over reacting a little on that. But, on the other hand, it's your wedding so she should have respected how you felt about your flowers and taken the picture down without protest. Just let the dust settle and then reach out to her. You're both probably stressed right now.

DashNDustem - 2017-10-26 4:09 PM So my wedding is in a week and half and I am super excited. But earlier this week, I got a phone call from my friend who I have known for pretty close to 20 years and she was supposed to be one of my bridesmaids. I have been her Maid of Honor twice. I originally asked her if she wanted to be my MOH, but she said not let my other friend be the MOH because she doesn't really have the time to commit to it. So she became a bridesmaid. Through the whole process of planning this wedding, this friend has been giving me nothing but struggle. She gave excuse after excuse as to why she couldn't do something, or it was too hard so she just "didn't do it." Such as going to get her dress, the store was a 20 minute drive from her house yet it was "so far away." Or she was making the bouquets, she called be saying it was "too hard" so we should do something different. I've had to have to keep shoving her in the direction to do little things, and Yes, I gave an out multiple times asking her is she 'really' wanted to do this. She would always say yes. So fast forward to earlier this week, She made the bouquets for the wedding and I saw a picture of her step daughter, with one of my bouquets, on social media, because her step daughter "wanted a picture with it." To me, I felt real disrespected because that stuff is not a toy.. it for my wedding! Plus I hired a professional photographer and it was not cheap, I feel like to take pics of stuff before and sharing it to the public, really takes away from the wedding. Anyway, so I called her and politely asked her to take it down. She went off on me. She yelled at me, cursed at me, called all of the stuff she was making "sh!t", told me she hated my maid of honor (who I have also known for about the same amount of time, we both went to school with) and she didn't want to be in the same room with her and she can't do it. She also played herself as a victim and that everyone "always walks on her" which has never been the case between me and her. I'm always the one to pick her up and keep her standing. I was shocked and speechless. I asked her where was all this coming from. Finally I got it out of her that she is just stressed out with life and school and her kids and she feels like going on a vacation is not what she has time for. Once again, I have asked her multiple times if she really wanted to do this.. and she told me yes. So we ended this with an she's not going. She does not live in the same state as me and I literally had to get after her to ship my flowers to the wedding destination, but we already purchased new flowers for a florist in the area because I honestly didn't think she was going to send it. Also, with her now not going.. she had 5 people in her party, that's a small chunk of change out of our pocket for food that isn't going to get eaten because of this. I am feeling very grateful because another friend of mind stepped up in her spot, and we already got her dress and shoes and we are ready to move forward. So I am feeling very blessed. I really don't need that type of immaturity and drama on me and my fiance's big day. However, now I have people telling me I should not be friends with my friend over this and that they would totally understand if I didn't talk to her anymore. I see people breaking off friendships over weddings, and I have to ask is it worth kicking her to the curb for her behavior? I have known her for so long, it's really hard for me to see the other side of it. Not to mention I love her kids. I am their adopted Aunt and they love to see me when I visit. We are not going to use the bouquets and flowers she made for the wedding since we already got new ones, I am actually surprised she shipped stuff out.. For a few days she was complaining about how much it would be to rush it, not taking into account that how much we spent on them. Sorry for the novel, I just thought I would get some opinions from other people that really don't know everyone that is going to be in this wedding.

1DSoon - 2017-10-27 10:21 AM go sleep with her husband and take pictures of it. 



Post them on her FB page and send them to her. 

TxRanchWoman - 2017-10-27 1:06 PM Ugh, weddings always seem to be full of trauma and drama, and at least one person that can't stand not being the center of attention. My husband and I will be married 22 years on November 11, and this sounds a lot like my mother-in-law instead of my maid of honor. Ignore her until after the wedding and honeymoon, and enjoy YOUR day. They were stressing because my brother-in-law was late getting to the church, he was the best man. I asked if my soon to be hubby was there, he was. Well, the bride was there ready to go, the groom was there ready to go, and the priest was there. Nothing else mattered to me at the time. The ones who love you and want to share your special day will be there and be supporting you, and the rest of them don't matter.

rodeolife - 2017-10-26 7:26 PM  sorry, but I think your reaction here was over the top. 



in response to the rest, I would just tell her it's unfortunate that this has overshadowed your 20 years of friendship and leave the ball in her court if she wants to repair it. she either gets back to you and you work through it or she doesn't and you move on. 

redracinmo - 2017-10-28 12:51 PM

I can understand the issue with her taking a pic of the flowers with her daughter. For one they were your flowers for your special day. I could see taking the pic but waiting to post it until after the wedding.  I wouldnt want my flowers out there before my big day and before i got to see them in person or use them.  She should have respected your special day and kept them underwraps.  As for the friendship, well lets face it once we marry a lot of our old friendships go to the wayside anyway because other things happen in our lives, so dont be surprised if this is one that just quietly goes away.  It kinda sounds like it needs to anyways. 

Nateracer - 2017-10-27 10:36 AM


I agree.  It's a bouquet not a Porsche!   While they aren't a toy, who cares if she got a pic.  If people freak about a little girl liking flowers, and "gasp" they were in your wedding too, well, frankly, they need a job besides memorizing FB pics.   Maybe mom shouldn't have freaked out when asked to take them down, but guess what...I guarantee the ONLY one who cared about a simple picture was you. 

As far as the friendship, is there a chance you've been nagging her death on this whole thing and she's like what did I get myself into??  Was she imagining the harrassment she'd have gotten for the MOH position? She obviously hasn't wanted to let you down by saying she'd be in the wedding, but finally, she thought enough is enough.  

I felt terribly when my MOH asked me to be in her wedding, but my grandmother was diagnosed with cancer right before she asked me.  Without knowing the care and essentially the life longevity of my only grandparent left, I declined.  She was upset, but she got over it.  Let your friend make the decision on if she wants to continue to be your friend.  And if she sees your wedding pics with the new flowers, going behind her back to purchase them, I'm guessing she probably isn't going to want to be your friend anymore. 

DashNDustem - 2017-10-28 11:17 AM


Thank you, this is the way I was feeling. I haven't shared a single thing except maybe two signs that I made for the guests (Seating sign, Unplugged wedding sign) and nothing else. And to be honest, I was NOT the only one who was upset.. because my maid of honor called me and told me about it, knowing that it was disrespectful. I'm not going to argue about what I think is wrong or right, because the fact that nobody has shared anything, she should have gotten the hint.

I'm really not going to argue but trust me when I say, I wasn't nagging her. She had very few things to do, and has 6 months to complete it. After she told me she wanted to go.. like 5 times after asking her if she was sure over the course of about 5 months, I started to push her within the last month and a half when she had not booked a room, or a plane ticket, or got her dress, or started on the bouquets because time was running out and was still giving me excuses. I'm not the controlling, crazy, bridezilla type. I'm not that girl that has had her wedding planned since she was 5.. I didn't even know what I wanted into things started to come together, and then I was like.. oh that sounds great, lets do that! All of my bridesmaids got to pick their own dresses, as long as it was the right color. I didn't care about the style. They got to pick their own hair styles, forwarded it to the hairstylist for them. Easy. She was the only one to give me problems, everyone else was right on track.

But anyway, thank you all for your thoughts. I think I'm done discussing this, I've let it go and I will enjoy my day. We will see where this friendship goes.

ETA: Also, I didn't go "behind her back" to purchase new flowers. She is in another state and 1000 miles away.. With her attitude, I didn't want to risk not getting them.