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I just read the headlines
Posts: 4483
  
| It looks like my husband and I will be helping my son raise his son without his mom. She has Anxiety Disorder and has been gone for 3 days/nights while the baby is sick. We don’t what is going on and our son isn’t talking about it. I have always suspected that we might be helping my son raise him and I am good with that. Do any of you grandparents have any advice about helping to raise your grandbaby? |
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Veteran
Posts: 233
| No advice, other than to remember to be gentle with everyone involved, even when emotions are high. You're doing a good thing.
Get your legal ducks in a row, yesterday. Document everything. Might want to keep conversation on the internet about it to a minimum. |
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 Hugs to You
Posts: 7551
 
Location: In The Land of Cotton | All I can say is at least your son has a family willing to help. Please even if you want to say something about the wife, don't. We won't know what the future will hold as far as their family. And, if she is truly mentally ill, she will need help. Remember, you aren't the child's friend, you are their "parenting" person more then ever.
I am sure it will work out fine. A talk with an attorney for legal reasons might be needed.
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I just read the headlines
Posts: 4483
| hannahbug - 2017-12-01 8:28 AM
No advice, other than to remember to be gentle with everyone involved, even when emotions are high. You're doing a good thing.
Get your legal ducks in a row, yesterday. Document everything. Might want to keep conversation on the internet about it to a minimum.
I love this girl- she has a terrible, sorry family. I am worried about her, too and do NOT want to take this baby from her. When she does have him, she is a great mom. His little face lights up like you wouldn’t believe when she comes home from work. We are hoping this is just a setback(?) and she will come home today. I just kinda would like some practical coping advice and what I can do to make sure it doesn’t get ugly. |
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I Really Love Jeans
Posts: 3173
Location: North Dakota | Could be more than anxiety, like drugs! People usually disappear when they want to go on a drinking or drug binge. I have a family member that does the same thing so my great aunt is raising her great grand children now! Just get all the legal paperwork lined up with your son so you can get insurance for the children and handle their schooling legally! |
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 Elite Veteran
Posts: 889
| I hope she returns and you take advantage of talking with her. A calm, open discussion to let her know you are there to help and I hope she accepts the help. She needs to be reassured you are all there to support her, not judge her.
Prayers to you. |
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  Neat Freak
Posts: 11216
Location: Wonderful Wyoming | I know a handful of people that are older than me and raising their grandkids. From the outside looking in, I feel most grandparents are far too lax when raising their grandkids. Raising kids is for the young, they have the energy to make the rules and follow through. Seems grandparents just give lots of love and very little decipline.
edited to add that helping to raise is different though ( I read the post better). My grandparents helped raise me when my mom split when I was a baby. My dad was working full time and then trying to squeeze in college courses with his GI bill. I am so very close to my grandparents now. My grandma used to have a daycare so it was pretty normal for her to have me around. My grandpa doted on me and we were horse crazy together. They are in their early 90's now and I still visit them when I can. They were always there for me, filling in when my dad couldn't so to me I never missed my mom being gone.
Edited by wyoming barrel racer 2017-12-01 1:53 PM
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Expert
Posts: 1343
Location: East Texas | My husband and I are in our sixties. We have raised our youngest daughter's son since he was born... she was just 16 when she had him, and would not take on the responsibility. He will be 14 in a few months. We are probably harder on him than we were his mom. He makes good grades, is involved in sports, hunting, fishing and riding horses. He rides with me and my husband plays sports with him. I used to think that he would make us old before our time, but actually, he has made us younger because we are trying to keep up with him!
If you end up and help raise your grandbaby, just provide for him and always show him that he is loved. We all make mistakes raising our kids and we will make some raising grandkids.
I thought at our age we would be about ready for retirement... actually, we still have a few years to get him through school. I wouldn't trade the time we have had with him for anything! |
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I just read the headlines
Posts: 4483
| Thank you that was exactly what I wanted to know. I really want to be the fun grandma, not the mom. Were there any problems with taking over the parenting role from the parent that stayed? Were there any conflicts? |
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Go Get Em!
Posts: 13503
Location: OH. IO | GLP - 2017-12-01 6:15 PM
Thank you that was exactly what I wanted to know. I really want to be the fun grandma, not the mom. Were there any problems with taking over the parenting role from the parent that stayed? Were there any conflicts?
Just make sure your son does his parenting and that you reinforce his decisions.Dont take on the entire responsibility,let him do it.You stay the grandparents and help when needed.Ive heard you speak of the mom before and can tell that you do really care for her.Get the facts from your son on her NOW,so that if she comes back you can get her help.I pray she is safe . |
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 I Prefer to Live in Fantasy Land
Posts: 64864
Location: In the Hills of Texas | I don't have any advice but I sure can send hug, prayers and positive thoughts! Your grandbaby is blessed to have both of you. |
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I just read the headlines
Posts: 4483
| Thank you all so much for the kind words and advice! He is the happiest baby so it just blows me away that she must not realize what a good job she has been doing. We tell her that often because we think she needs to hear that. |
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 My Heart Be Happy
Posts: 9159
Location: Arkansas | Your grandson is so blessed to have you and your husband. I just want to send prayers and the best wishes possible for ALL of you. |
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 I'm Cooler Offline
Posts: 6387
Location: Pacific Northwest | I can remember reading posts about your DIL before, so I know she already had anxiety problems but any chance she also has postpartum depression ? |
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I just read the headlines
Posts: 4483
| livexlovexrodeo - 2017-12-03 1:41 AM
I can remember reading posts about your DIL before, so I know she already had anxiety problems but any chance she also has postpartum depression ?
She says she does. She did come home last night, so we are happy for that.
Annnd..... she left after seeing the baby for a couple hours last night. She felt good enough to insist my son take her out on the town last night. I think I may have lost my compassion-empathy.
Edited by GLP 2017-12-03 1:22 PM
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My Heart Be Happy
Posts: 9159
Location: Arkansas | GLP - 2017-12-03 7:57 AM
livexlovexrodeo - 2017-12-03 1:41 AM
I can remember reading posts about your DIL before, so I know she already had anxiety problems but any chance she also has postpartum depression ?
She says she does. She did come home last night, so we are happy for that.
Annnd..... she left after seeing the baby for a couple hours last night. She felt good enough to insist my son take her out on the town last night. I think I may have lost my compassion-empathy.
Prayers that things get better, but it bears repeating that you are a great grandma and your grandson is in good hands with you. . . . Consistency for him is going to be so important at this stage, so thank goodness he has you and your husband.
Edited by Chandler's Mom 2017-12-03 1:34 PM
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Grandparents raising grand babies... need some advice