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 Reaching for the stars....
Posts: 12708
   
| I know we have had discussions about adoption and adoptive parents and family in the old days, but haven't seen any recently. I don't know how many current BHW buds know I'm adopted.
In January my daughter did her Ancestry test. When her results came back she messaged me and told me I needed to look at this one lady's FB - that we looked alike. I started up contact with this lady and she wanted me to do mine too so we could see where we fit in to each others lives, genetically. I did, and got my results on Tuesday. At the same time as sending in my Ancestry test I also petitioned Kansas for my adoption records. I got the records back on Monday.
I HAVE FOUND MY FAMILY!! I have a live bio mom, a brother, two sisters and two aunts!! I have now had many conversations with one aunt, and just had a long, long conversation with my big brother!! We are all discussing how to approach my bio mom, who has never admitted to me existing. I do not want to cause anyone distress!! But I know I will be emailing her soon and will have to live with her response whether yea or nay. My big bro thinks she will be ok, and also hopes she will at least be ok with further contact.
Between this and my new Love pony I am completely bowled over and overwhelmed right now. |
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 Shelter Dog Lover
Posts: 10277
| Wow, that can be such a delicate situation, prayers for grace and wisdom for all involved. How wonderful that your siblings are accepting of you. |
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 Popped
Posts: 20421
Location: LuluLand~along I64 Indiana |  |
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 Elite Veteran
Posts: 670
Location: Running my kids somewhere. |  |
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 I Prefer to Live in Fantasy Land
Posts: 64864
Location: In the Hills of Texas | Pretty cool!  |
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Go Get Em!
Posts: 13503
Location: OH. IO | SO EXCITED FOR YOU!!!!! |
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 A Somebody to Everybody
Posts: 41354
Location: Under The Big Sky Of Texas | Thats so cool that you are talking with your new big brother and Aunt, I bet your heart was racing a 100 miles a min talking with them. Thats got to be so exciting for you, hugs and best wishes that this will go the way your wanting it to. |
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 My Heart Be Happy
Posts: 9159
Location: Arkansas | You so deserve the good things that are happening to you right now
I wish you only the best outcome with your biological mother. Congrats on what's happening in your life!!
Edited by Chandler's Mom 2018-03-23 7:34 PM
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Veteran
Posts: 111
| When so many of us became unwed mothers “in the olden ways,” the shame and guilt laid on us was almost unbearable. I was told I had ruined my life forever - and for many years I believed that and lived like I didnt matter. No one talked about it - ever. We gave birth - gave up our child - and we were expected to go on as though nothing ever happened. I recently met my daughter by phone and plan a reunion hopefully this year. I am so blessed that she loves me and accepts that giving her up was the only but possibly the best solution at the time. I pray your mother is ready to open up and face her well hidden pain from losing you - give her love & space & know you were and are loved by her, no matter her reaction. ?????? |
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 Take a Picture
Posts: 12841
| My cousin's son found her on ancestry before the DNA test came out. No one in our family even knew about him. Amazing the secrets life holds. |
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Take a Picture
Posts: 12841
| My cousin's son found her on ancestry before the DNA test came out. No one in our family even knew about him. Amazing the secrets life holds. |
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 Namesless in BHW
Posts: 10368
Location: At the race track with Ah Dee Ohs | and |
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 Saint Stacey
| Many heart felt wishes and prayers headed your way!! |
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Blessed 
Location: Here | |
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 A Barrel Of Monkeys
Posts: 12972
Location: Texas | I found a cousin on Ancestry DNA. She's been a welcome addition to the family. |
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 No Tune in a Bucket
Posts: 2935
Location: Texas | My half sister (same mother) knows nothing about her bio father. I want her to do the DNA test to try to find something about her bio dad. Our mother has told her nothing about him. My dad adopted her when she was 2 or 3 and she feels it would be betraying him. He has been dead for 40 years. Our mother is so secretive, we think she was married but not sure she even told him about my sister. |
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 Smitten Kitten
Posts: 5813
Location: Here And There | Oh wow, that’s awesome! |
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Industrial Srength Barrel Racer
Posts: 7268
| So cool! I am so happy for you!  |
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 Cute Little Imp
Posts: 2747
Location: N Texas | That's amazing!! The only advice I can give is to take it slow and don't have high expectations. She could continue to deny you and have no desire to meet you. Don't take it personally, you don't know what's going on in her mind. She could be completely embarrassed that she had to make that decision (like if she got pregnant out of wedlock and was forced/shamed into giving you up) and has spent her whole life suppressing those emotions.
There are counselors who specialize in reuniting families and help facilitate positive interactions, so if you're feeling overwhelmed or think it could be a difficult situation, I strongly suggest looking into professional help.
Good luck, that's so exciting!! |
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 Miss Laundry Misshap
Posts: 5271
| My MIL went through some of the stories described. She had her first son when she was 15 and her parents made her give it up through the catholic church adoption system. They did let her know the family, but there wasn't much contact.
They did end up reuniting about 15-16 years ago. He had always wondered and so had she. They made a wonderful connection and he felt complete.
Sadly we lost him a month ago to cancer.
I think even if your birth mother isn't terribly receptive, I'm glad that your siblings are and other family members have been welcoming. You'll have some closure either way.
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Reaching for the stars....
Posts: 12708
| Gunner11 - 2018-03-26 9:31 AM That's amazing!! The only advice I can give is to take it slow and don't have high expectations. She could continue to deny you and have no desire to meet you. Don't take it personally, you don't know what's going on in her mind. She could be completely embarrassed that she had to make that decision (like if she got pregnant out of wedlock and was forced/shamed into giving you up) and has spent her whole life suppressing those emotions. There are counselors who specialize in reuniting families and help facilitate positive interactions, so if you're feeling overwhelmed or think it could be a difficult situation, I strongly suggest looking into professional help. Good luck, that's so exciting!!
My bio family tree is very complex. My two aunts (twins) are also adoptees. They are half sisters to my bio mother. I have a full brother and two full sisters, plus a half brother from my bio father. My aunts and full brother are very communicative and want to meet me and my daughter.
My bio mother did contact Kansas and let them know she was not interested in contact at this time. That hurts. But I was told that I was an 'oops' baby and assumed that meant I was from older parents, so I also assumed that meant since my mother had passed that chances were high that my bio mother had also. Not the case. My siblings and I came in a space of 5 years, with my bio mother being 16 when my full brother was born, and 21 when I was born.
Also complicating, or making the situation more interesting, is that I gave my daughter up for adoption. I have personal experience both as an adoptee and as one who has given up a child for adoption.
I hope my bio mother will change her mind in time. But if she doesn't I will understand. Different people handle the loss and guilt in different ways. I carried my pain of loss and guilts at the front of 'me' for the 19 years my daughter was not in my life. The pain ended when we made contact again 11 years ago, and the guilt is much reduced - just little nigs here and there. But I faced it fully every day, and still do, so it is easier to put to bed and go on and have a healthy life.
In the meantime - I have two wonderful and crazy (by their admission - but good crazy) aunts and a big bro who is already chomping at the bit to meet! I just have to work all this into a busy show season. I now know that the horses have become a true addiction since I can't seem to put them aside for this new development!!!
I've never been part of a family. I hope they will be OK with my loner ways. |
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Cute Little Imp
Posts: 2747
Location: N Texas | lonely va barrelxr - 2018-03-26 9:39 AM
Gunner11 - 2018-03-26 9:31 AM That's amazing!! The only advice I can give is to take it slow and don't have high expectations. She could continue to deny you and have no desire to meet you. Don't take it personally, you don't know what's going on in her mind. She could be completely embarrassed that she had to make that decision (like if she got pregnant out of wedlock and was forced/shamed into giving you up) and has spent her whole life suppressing those emotions. There are counselors who specialize in reuniting families and help facilitate positive interactions, so if you're feeling overwhelmed or think it could be a difficult situation, I strongly suggest looking into professional help. Good luck, that's so exciting!!
My bio family tree is very complex. My two aunts (twins) are also adoptees. They are half sisters to my bio mother. I have a full brother and two full sisters, plus a half brother from my bio father. My aunts and full brother are very communicative and want to meet me and my daughter.
My bio mother did contact Kansas and let them know she was not interested in contact at this time. That hurts. But I was told that I was an 'oops' baby and assumed that meant I was from older parents, so I also assumed that meant since my mother had passed that chances were high that my bio mother had also. Not the case. My siblings and I came in a space of 5 years, with my bio mother being 16 when my full brother was born, and 21 when I was born.
Also complicating, or making the situation more interesting, is that I gave my daughter up for adoption. I have personal experience both as an adoptee and as one who has given up a child for adoption.
I hope my bio mother will change her mind in time. But if she doesn't I will understand. Different people handle the loss and guilt in different ways. I carried my pain of loss and guilts at the front of 'me' for the 19 years my daughter was not in my life. The pain ended when we made contact again 11 years ago, and the guilt is much reduced - just little nigs here and there. But I faced it fully every day, and still do, so it is easier to put to bed and go on and have a healthy life.
In the meantime - I have two wonderful and crazy (by their admission - but good crazy) aunts and a big bro who is already chomping at the bit to meet! I just have to work all this into a busy show season. I now know that the horses have become a true addiction since I can't seem to put them aside for this new development!!!
I've never been part of a family. I hope they will be OK with my loner ways.
That's awesome that you've found bio relatives that are eager to meet! It's too bad your bio mom feels that way, but she probably doesn't want to face and/or relive that pain of giving you up. I know that hurts, but like you said, maybe she'll come around in time. She might be worried that you hate her. Of course these are all speculations and you may never know her reasons, but at least you've found a few supportive family members |
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 Expert
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Location: The best kept secret in TX | Gunner11 - 2018-03-26 10:35 AM
lonely va barrelxr - 2018-03-26 9:39 AM
Gunner11 - 2018-03-26 9:31 AM That's amazing!! The only advice I can give is to take it slow and don't have high expectations. She could continue to deny you and have no desire to meet you. Don't take it personally, you don't know what's going on in her mind. She could be completely embarrassed that she had to make that decision (like if she got pregnant out of wedlock and was forced/shamed into giving you up) and has spent her whole life suppressing those emotions. There are counselors who specialize in reuniting families and help facilitate positive interactions, so if you're feeling overwhelmed or think it could be a difficult situation, I strongly suggest looking into professional help. Good luck, that's so exciting!!
My bio family tree is very complex. My two aunts (twins) are also adoptees. They are half sisters to my bio mother. I have a full brother and two full sisters, plus a half brother from my bio father. My aunts and full brother are very communicative and want to meet me and my daughter.
My bio mother did contact Kansas and let them know she was not interested in contact at this time. That hurts. But I was told that I was an 'oops' baby and assumed that meant I was from older parents, so I also assumed that meant since my mother had passed that chances were high that my bio mother had also. Not the case. My siblings and I came in a space of 5 years, with my bio mother being 16 when my full brother was born, and 21 when I was born.
Also complicating, or making the situation more interesting, is that I gave my daughter up for adoption. I have personal experience both as an adoptee and as one who has given up a child for adoption.
I hope my bio mother will change her mind in time. But if she doesn't I will understand. Different people handle the loss and guilt in different ways. I carried my pain of loss and guilts at the front of 'me' for the 19 years my daughter was not in my life. The pain ended when we made contact again 11 years ago, and the guilt is much reduced - just little nigs here and there. But I faced it fully every day, and still do, so it is easier to put to bed and go on and have a healthy life.
In the meantime - I have two wonderful and crazy (by their admission - but good crazy) aunts and a big bro who is already chomping at the bit to meet! I just have to work all this into a busy show season. I now know that the horses have become a true addiction since I can't seem to put them aside for this new development!!!
I've never been part of a family. I hope they will be OK with my loner ways.
That's awesome that you've found bio relatives that are eager to meet! It's too bad your bio mom feels that way, but she probably doesn't want to face and/or relive that pain of giving you up. I know that hurts, but like you said, maybe she'll come around in time. She might be worried that you hate her. Of course these are all speculations and you may never know her reasons, but at least you've found a few supportive family members
I agree. She may feel like it's a bad idea. I think that if you have her email and you send her an email as to why you want to meet she may come around. And if she doesn't at least you have your big brother and aunts. I think with more contact from them your bio mom will eventually hear them telling stories, etc and contact you.
I am so happy for all these good things that have happened in your life lately! You may need to change your name on here ;) Hehe |
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Reaching for the stars....
Posts: 12708
| IRunOnFaith - 2018-03-26 12:31 PM Gunner11 - 2018-03-26 10:35 AM lonely va barrelxr - 2018-03-26 9:39 AM Gunner11 - 2018-03-26 9:31 AM That's amazing!! The only advice I can give is to take it slow and don't have high expectations. She could continue to deny you and have no desire to meet you. Don't take it personally, you don't know what's going on in her mind. She could be completely embarrassed that she had to make that decision (like if she got pregnant out of wedlock and was forced/shamed into giving you up) and has spent her whole life suppressing those emotions. There are counselors who specialize in reuniting families and help facilitate positive interactions, so if you're feeling overwhelmed or think it could be a difficult situation, I strongly suggest looking into professional help. Good luck, that's so exciting!!
My bio family tree is very complex. My two aunts (twins) are also adoptees. They are half sisters to my bio mother. I have a full brother and two full sisters, plus a half brother from my bio father. My aunts and full brother are very communicative and want to meet me and my daughter.
My bio mother did contact Kansas and let them know she was not interested in contact at this time. That hurts. But I was told that I was an 'oops' baby and assumed that meant I was from older parents, so I also assumed that meant since my mother had passed that chances were high that my bio mother had also. Not the case. My siblings and I came in a space of 5 years, with my bio mother being 16 when my full brother was born, and 21 when I was born.
Also complicating, or making the situation more interesting, is that I gave my daughter up for adoption. I have personal experience both as an adoptee and as one who has given up a child for adoption.
I hope my bio mother will change her mind in time. But if she doesn't I will understand. Different people handle the loss and guilt in different ways. I carried my pain of loss and guilts at the front of 'me' for the 19 years my daughter was not in my life. The pain ended when we made contact again 11 years ago, and the guilt is much reduced - just little nigs here and there. But I faced it fully every day, and still do, so it is easier to put to bed and go on and have a healthy life.
In the meantime - I have two wonderful and crazy (by their admission - but good crazy) aunts and a big bro who is already chomping at the bit to meet! I just have to work all this into a busy show season. I now know that the horses have become a true addiction since I can't seem to put them aside for this new development!!!
I've never been part of a family. I hope they will be OK with my loner ways. That's awesome that you've found bio relatives that are eager to meet! It's too bad your bio mom feels that way, but she probably doesn't want to face and/or relive that pain of giving you up. I know that hurts, but like you said, maybe she'll come around in time. She might be worried that you hate her. Of course these are all speculations and you may never know her reasons, but at least you've found a few supportive family members I agree. She may feel like it's a bad idea. I think that if you have her email and you send her an email as to why you want to meet she may come around. And if she doesn't at least you have your big brother and aunts. I think with more contact from them your bio mom will eventually hear them telling stories, etc and contact you. I am so happy for all these good things that have happened in your life lately! You may need to change your name on here ; ) Hehe
My name came from way back in what - 2004?? Back then I didn't think there were many barrel racers here in Virginia. Horse per capita there aren't, and in the area I live in, Northern Virginia, there isn't, but there is still a good barrel racing family here. |
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  Fact Checker
Posts: 16575
Location: Displaced Iowegian | Oh my goodness...I am so happy for you ..... IMO, your interactions with the family who are willing to meet with you will eventually soften the heart of your bio-mom ...... as you have stated, guilt is profound in those who give up a child ..... once she finds that you do not judge or hate her, I believe that she will come around ....Good Luck with your new horse AND your new family !!!!!!!!!! |
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Expert
Posts: 3815
Location: The best kept secret in TX | lonely va barrelxr - 2018-03-26 11:56 AM IRunOnFaith - 2018-03-26 12:31 PM Gunner11 - 2018-03-26 10:35 AM lonely va barrelxr - 2018-03-26 9:39 AM Gunner11 - 2018-03-26 9:31 AM That's amazing!! The only advice I can give is to take it slow and don't have high expectations. She could continue to deny you and have no desire to meet you. Don't take it personally, you don't know what's going on in her mind. She could be completely embarrassed that she had to make that decision (like if she got pregnant out of wedlock and was forced/shamed into giving you up) and has spent her whole life suppressing those emotions. There are counselors who specialize in reuniting families and help facilitate positive interactions, so if you're feeling overwhelmed or think it could be a difficult situation, I strongly suggest looking into professional help. Good luck, that's so exciting!!
My bio family tree is very complex. My two aunts (twins) are also adoptees. They are half sisters to my bio mother. I have a full brother and two full sisters, plus a half brother from my bio father. My aunts and full brother are very communicative and want to meet me and my daughter.
My bio mother did contact Kansas and let them know she was not interested in contact at this time. That hurts. But I was told that I was an 'oops' baby and assumed that meant I was from older parents, so I also assumed that meant since my mother had passed that chances were high that my bio mother had also. Not the case. My siblings and I came in a space of 5 years, with my bio mother being 16 when my full brother was born, and 21 when I was born.
Also complicating, or making the situation more interesting, is that I gave my daughter up for adoption. I have personal experience both as an adoptee and as one who has given up a child for adoption.
I hope my bio mother will change her mind in time. But if she doesn't I will understand. Different people handle the loss and guilt in different ways. I carried my pain of loss and guilts at the front of 'me' for the 19 years my daughter was not in my life. The pain ended when we made contact again 11 years ago, and the guilt is much reduced - just little nigs here and there. But I faced it fully every day, and still do, so it is easier to put to bed and go on and have a healthy life.
In the meantime - I have two wonderful and crazy (by their admission - but good crazy) aunts and a big bro who is already chomping at the bit to meet! I just have to work all this into a busy show season. I now know that the horses have become a true addiction since I can't seem to put them aside for this new development!!!
I've never been part of a family. I hope they will be OK with my loner ways. That's awesome that you've found bio relatives that are eager to meet! It's too bad your bio mom feels that way, but she probably doesn't want to face and/or relive that pain of giving you up. I know that hurts, but like you said, maybe she'll come around in time. She might be worried that you hate her. Of course these are all speculations and you may never know her reasons, but at least you've found a few supportive family members I agree. She may feel like it's a bad idea. I think that if you have her email and you send her an email as to why you want to meet she may come around. And if she doesn't at least you have your big brother and aunts. I think with more contact from them your bio mom will eventually hear them telling stories, etc and contact you. I am so happy for all these good things that have happened in your life lately! You may need to change your name on here ; ) Hehe
Ah I see. Well before my time. I got to the party in 2009. I was a bit late. Per usual. |
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I've Found My Family