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Extreme Veteran
Posts: 408
| Does any of you have this same issue? I am so mad at myself for having to fight my demons every single time I put a foot in the stir up! I have a wonderful horse, with lots of potential and safe!!! And now we have our young one (well, not so young, 6 years old) going nicely. He is a pretty good guy but once again, my mind is playing tricks on me! ok, I am done whining! Just wondering if anyone out there goes through the same thing. Believe when I say the struggle is so very real! |
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 Extreme Veteran
Posts: 545
 
Location: Texas | My low confidence came from coming off and breaking my arm almost TWO years ago. Since then I have battled my mind and riding timid and like I have no ability. I have been riding since I was two years old and have never had trouble like I have lately. It's like I don't know why my mind has me convinced I can't ride, when I haven't forgotten how to ride. It was a freak deal that I came off and broke my arm, but it has caused me so much trouble especially when I compete. I can totally relate though to how you feel. I am slowly making progress but sometimes wonder if I'll ever ride like I did. The crazy thing is I was fine when I broke my arm, fine after surgery, and all of that, it's not even like I had a hard time while recovering. It was a process and took therapy for my wrist/hand to work right, but still I consider myself pretty tough, but mentally I have and am struggling. |
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Extreme Veteran
Posts: 408
| I am sorry you have to go through it as well. I had a worse wreck and I was in the hospital about to lose my kidneys when I was a teen. So I have been battling these demons for a very long time. It is not fun AT ALL! The other day I had a friend of mine telling me that I needed to step up to the plate, that if I wanted to do better I needed to do this and to do that, and no one could help me unless I wanted bad enough.
I know she is 100% correct, and I DO WANT IT BAD ENOUGH! I work my tail off, I ride even when most people won't (hot, cold, in the rain) It's like once you put me in a new situation, I totally freeze and I forget all my training, and if my horse is a bit fresh or jumps a little, FORGET IT! it is like my mind switches to a different gear! Ughhh, I absolutely hate it!!! |
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I just read the headlines
Posts: 4483
| I am battling this myself. I have decided to start all over with ground work for myself and my horse so we can learn to trust each other again and gain confidence together. I will build that up to riding and since summer is coming, I will be more comfortable riding in the heat knowing he won't really want to pull any "Ye Haw!" shenanigans. I am looking into clicker training, but a slightly different version of it. I haven't made that decision yet, though.
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 Off the Wall Wacky
Posts: 2981
Location: Louisiana | Things that help me...
Riding, the more I ride, the better I feel like I can ride, and the less "bad" thoughts I have.
Eating better.
Exercise. The gym helps me a LOT.
It's hard to find time to do all those things, but all 3 together are really what has helped me, IMO.
I would have thoughts about my horse rearing up and flipping over on me, bucking me off and dragging me, etc. Crazy things that while technically possible, not very likely given all 3 of my horses are fairly sane and well-behaved.
And there's nothing wrong with you if you do need professional help. I don't want to be medicated for anxiety/depression, so I had to live inside it, or figure out what works. The more I push myself, the better I feel, and the less I have to push myself.
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 Take a Picture
Posts: 12841
| Sign up for a clinic that has a lot of saddle time. That is the best medicine. Don't worry about how anyone else is riding just have fun and pay attention to whomever is presenting. super confidence builder. |
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Extreme Veteran
Posts: 408
| Attending a clinic the first weekend in May with the younger horse. I hope I don't make a fool out of myself and I can control my mind! |
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Extreme Veteran
Posts: 545
Location: Texas | love2ridepre - 2018-04-03 10:54 AM I am sorry you have to go through it as well. I had a worse wreck and I was in the hospital about to lose my kidneys when I was a teen. So I have been battling these demons for a very long time. It is not fun AT ALL! The other day I had a friend of mine telling me that I needed to step up to the plate, that if I wanted to do better I needed to do this and to do that, and no one could help me unless I wanted bad enough. I know she is 100% correct, and I DO WANT IT BAD ENOUGH! I work my tail off, I ride even when most people won't (hot, cold, in the rain) It's like once you put me in a new situation, I totally freeze and I forget all my training, and if my horse is a bit fresh or jumps a little, FORGET IT! it is like my mind switches to a different gear! Ughhh, I absolutely hate it!!!
I totally understand exactly what you mean. I do the same thing when I go to make a competition run, I freeze up and don't ride well at all. My husband tells me the same thing, he says it's been two years, you just have to do it. I want it REALLY bad too, but it's not just that easy. I hate you are dealing with it too. Know you're not alone and when I'm struggling, I'll think of you and push myself just like I know you will be doing too. It's going to come I know, or at least I tell myself that, but it just is soo frustrating. I get so mad at myself for it too. Lately I've been trying to take the pressure off myself and say just have fun. It's not easy for sure. |
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Extreme Veteran
Posts: 408
| LOL, My husband says the same! He keeps telling me "you are a hell of a rider, you just need to ride your horse!" geeezzzz, I would have never thought about doing that!!! LOL |
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Extreme Veteran
Posts: 408
| I do try to ride almost every day. Lately due to the nasty weather that we are having it is being a challenge but even if it is raining (not pouring or storming) I will be on my horses.
I agree with working out, but with a full time job, the only spare time I have I dedicated to ride and oh yeah, I have to clean my house every so often LOL.
Eating better 100%!
I do have anxiety but most people do, right? I really don't want to use any medication if I can help it.
Thank you so much for sharing what helps you and I agree 100% with all you do
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 Dog Resuce Agent
Posts: 3459
Location: southeast Texas | Take the pressure off yourself. Go to play days, ride all the events, be a big kid.
If all you can handle is going slow, make it work for you.
Let the kids be an example of how to have fun. |
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 A Somebody to Everybody
Posts: 41354
Location: Under The Big Sky Of Texas | The more rides you get on that horse the better your confidence will get.. |
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Married to a Louie Lover
Posts: 3303
| Yep. I got tossed bad a couple years and narrowly avoided a very bad ending - took the impact on my head, mild concussion even with a helmet. Had I gotten a little more air and come down different the outcome would have been a lot different.
I trust my little horse completely, and generally in an arena will climb on anything. When I have to ride outside the arena due to weather, I have good days and bad days. For some reason my main man can be goofy and snorty and it doesn’t bother me, but if I’m on one of our rope horses I come unnerved really quickly.
Last week i was 2 miles from home on my husband’s heel horse ponying my barrel horse when an old rattle trap truck passed us - he slowed down, I have no issue with the truck - the horse I was on decided to spook, my horse decided to spook... we got calmed with no problems but I about cried the rest of the way home. |
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 Expert
Posts: 1631
Location: Somewhere around here | Yes I've been in the same position as you, and it truly sucks!! What has really helped me is listening to free Dre Baldwin (aka Dre All Day) podcasts and they're amazing! He has an online site but I use my podcast app CastBox.
ETA: the name of the whole podcast series in "Work On Your Game"
Edited by cecollins0811 2018-04-04 7:10 AM
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Extreme Veteran
Posts: 408
| thank you for the suggestion! Ok, here is my issue with that, I really dislike those kind of events, I work with kids EVERY SINGLE DAY and I love my kids to the moono and back but when I am with my horses, I don't want to be around them that much LOL.
I don't mind going fast on my horse, and actually I have no issue once we are running, is prior to the run, in the warm up etc. I know , weird uh? |
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Extreme Veteran
Posts: 545
Location: Texas | love2ridepre - 2018-04-03 12:20 PM thank you for the suggestion! Ok, here is my issue with that, I really dislike those kind of events, I work with kids EVERY SINGLE DAY and I love my kids to the moono and back but when I am with my horses, I don't want to be around them that much LOL. I don't mind going fast on my horse, and actually I have no issue once we are running, is prior to the run, in the warm up etc. I know , weird uh?
Can we combine our issues, haha? Slow I'm fine, I freeze up when I run, not that going fast bothers me either, it's in the arena, in a competition. I guess because that's where I came off. I understand about not being around kids when you work with them daily. I'm going to try to go to a weekly race that's at the same arena near me each Monday night for a few weeks and I'm hoping that will build my confidence, being the same place, same setup, etc. Plus it's a small race so maybe I won't feel so much pressure. I know my mare is a rockstar and I need to just trust her. |
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Take a Picture
Posts: 12841
| love2ridepre - 2018-04-03 11:18 AM
Attending a clinic the first weekend in May with the younger horse. I hope I don't make a fool out of myself and I can control my mind!
You will not make a fool out of yourself. Everyone there is there for the same reason---to get help |
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Extreme Veteran
Posts: 408
| cecollins0811 - 2018-04-03 12:09 PM
Yes I've been in the same position as you, and it truly sucks!! What has really helped me is listening to free Dre Baldwin (aka Dre All Day) podcasts and they're amazing! He has an online site but I use my podcast app CastBox.
do you just search for the name of the potcast? |
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 Expert
Posts: 1273
Location: South Dakota | Yes! I am right there with you. And it seems like anytime I do get a little confidence, something happens to bring me back down. |
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 I hate cooking and cleaning
Posts: 3314
Location: Jersey Girl | I too am having low confidence issues. Due to health issues I was unable to ride for almost a year and a half. On top of that when I was able to start riding, I had a new horse to get used to to boot. I was able to gain a lot of confidence back just by not letting it dominate my thoughts. I was so focused on the fact I was lacking confidence that that was all I could think about. Once I made my mind up to stop allowing that to happen I was able to gain most of it back. Last month I entered my first barrel race after a 2 1/2 year break. I was a little nervous and I didn't really help my horse out any, but I did it and I figure it can only get better from here. I have a really nice horse that really like. She seemed to be just what I needed after I had to sell the initial horse I started back on. One last bit of advice, just ride as much as you can. Just do it, and don't overthink it.
Edited by fulltiltfilly 2018-04-03 1:47 PM
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Extreme Veteran
Posts: 408
| Is it wrong of me to feel better knowing that I am not alone? I hate it for the rest of you that are going through the same but I am glad I am not the only one.  |
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I hate cooking and cleaning
Posts: 3314
Location: Jersey Girl | love2ridepre - 2018-04-03 2:45 PM Is it wrong of me to feel better knowing that I am not alone? I hate it for the rest of you that are going through the same but I am glad I am not the only one.
Nope. Misery loves company! Well in this case, low self confidence does too!  |
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 BHW New Catch of the Day
Posts: 9884
Location: Missouri | love2ridepre - 2018-04-03 11:18 AM Attending a clinic the first weekend in May with the younger horse. I hope I don't make a fool out of myself and I can control my mind!
Are you going to Marne Loosenorts clinic the 1st weekend in May? |
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 Shelter Dog Lover
Posts: 10277
| Absolutely! All my horses are better than me. My old guys that I just sat there on and did not touch them are retired. They were a dream to ride but now that I have younger unfinished ones and have to do something - different story. I bought a 6 year old that had only been entered a few times but very patterned, will not run by a barrel and always went to his spot. I have turned him into a barrel hitter because I get ready for the turn way too soon, very discouraging to feel how I have changed him. I kind of have a breakthrough moment this last weekend on my other horse, young, very green and spooky. I sent him to a great trainer to start, so he is patterned but now needs to see the sights. This last weekend he almost sent me over his head planting his feet on the way to the second barrel because of the banners, he went every way but forward. I exhibitioned him and sucked it up and sent him at a high lope and I’ll be darn we ran a great pattern. I was so proud of him and myself and that changed my attitude about my other horse from worrying and being upset to accepting the challenge of really learning how to ride him. My goal is not to be fast, if we can be consistent 3D and pretty patterns I will be happy. Now I can’t wait to go run him and have the opportunity to work on myself. |
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BHW New Catch of the Day
Posts: 9884
Location: Missouri | A lifetime of riding, almost 20 years of barrel racing and I'm now taking LESSONS! I have one tonight even. Ever since I stopped running a finished horse a monkey could ride and started my own, I have not been too successful and full of self doubt. Age isn't helping me out either. My upper body seems loose (need more core) and I frequently anticipate the turn, hang on his face when leaving.
I have a really nice 6yr old that I started 2 years ago and I sent him to a trainer and couldn't ride him when he came back. Talk about a blow. Since then I've swallowed my pride and asked anyone and everyone for help and I'm working on myself.
I also attended a major clinic last year and I'm signed up again this year, and it's with the person I sent him to. I haven't been in any bad wrecks, I just ride like an old person, lol. Fixing that though! |
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Extreme Veteran
Posts: 408
| Tbred - 2018-04-03 2:03 PM
love2ridepre - 2018-04-03 11:18 AM Attending a clinic the first weekend in May with the younger horse. I hope I don't make a fool out of myself and I can control my mind!
Are you going to Marne Loosenorts clinic the 1st weekend in May?
yep, sure am! Going to take the younger one ... going to drive her crazy AGAIN  |
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BHW New Catch of the Day
Posts: 9884
Location: Missouri | love2ridepre - 2018-04-03 2:48 PM Tbred - 2018-04-03 2:03 PM love2ridepre - 2018-04-03 11:18 AM Attending a clinic the first weekend in May with the younger horse. I hope I don't make a fool out of myself and I can control my mind! Are you going to Marne Loosenorts clinic the 1st weekend in May? yep, sure am! Going to take the younger one ... going to drive her crazy AGAIN
Me too me too! Oh fun! Hope I don't hurt as bad as I did last year, lol |
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 I Drink Whiskey in Boys Shorts
Posts: 1882
| Slowly raises my hand....I have ridden with no consistency over the last 5 years after being pregnant and having a high needs little girl. The place we were renting had no good place to ride, so I mainly worked my mare on a lunge line. Then could walk/trot a little. Was piecing together some consistency in September of 2016 and then my mare broke my foot on Oct 1st that year. Had to recover from that, then holidays, a move out of state, putting together a new home, first real winter, blah, blah, blah. Couple all this with the fact that she is ultra spooky. Even getting a halter on can be a pain. My nerves and her nonsense isn't a good combo. Hubby gave me the suggestion to just start handling her like she is good and broke and pretend that everything is okay. Simple advice, but it has helped tremendously. So, I looked up some barrel races in my area and set a goal to go back the end of next month. This has given me the motivation to start riding again. I actually just loped my mare today for the first time since 2013.  We will deal with the competing nerves later. lol |
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 Elite Veteran
Posts: 602
| I had to over come this by literally racing 3-5x a month and a trainer. You cant excel at any sport without competing and guidance. |
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Defense Attorney for The Horse
Location: Claremore, OK | My first question would be, “what are you afraid of ?” ( not meant to be mean), is it something in you’re riding ? What other people think ? Disappointing your spouse ? If there are specific things that are making you apprehensive I’d go to a clinic or take some lessons and work,on your weak points (we all have them).
A clinic is great since you can watch people that are probably having the same problems as you. You not only get to work on yourself but you get to see other people do it.
My other question is, “what’s the worst that can happen ?” You might make some mistakes but you’ll learn from them. You shouldn’t worry bout what other people think.
The other thing people tend to do is over complicate things, they second guess themselves and end up frustrated and confused (along with the horse). Make your plan and stick with it. Find out what works for you. Be careful about taking advice from too many people. |
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The Advice Guru
Posts: 6419
| If you are having anxiety speak with a psychologist, they do not have the authority to prescribe meds so they focus on calming techniques.
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Expert
Posts: 1631
Location: Somewhere around here | love2ridepre - 2018-04-03 11:56 AM
cecollins0811 - 2018-04-03 12:09 PM
Yes I've been in the same position as you, and it truly sucks!! What has really helped me is listening to free Dre Baldwin (aka Dre All Day) podcasts and they're amazing! He has an online site but I use my podcast app CastBox.
do you just search for the name of the potcast?
I believe you can! The name is "Work On Your Game", and I can't believe I forgot to put it in the original post! I'll fix that now for anyone else who might want to check him out. |
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Extreme Veteran
Posts: 408
| Liana D - 2018-04-03 7:11 PM
My first question would be, “what are you afraid of ?” ( not meant to be mean), is it something in you’re riding ? What other people think ? Disappointing your spouse ? If there are specific things that are making you apprehensive I’d go to a clinic or take some lessons and work,on your weak points (we all have them).
A clinic is great since you can watch people that are probably having the same problems as you. You not only get to work on yourself but you get to see other people do it.
My other question is, “what’s the worst that can happen ?” You might make some mistakes but you’ll learn from them. You shouldn’t worry bout what other people think.
The other thing people tend to do is over complicate things, they second guess themselves and end up frustrated and confused (along with the horse). Make your plan and stick with it. Find out what works for you. Be careful about taking advice from too many people.
Growing up I really never had an opportunity to own my own horse so I rode whatever it was offered to me and most of the time were horses than I had not business riding but that's another story. I had pretty bad wrecks, one in particular I was in the hospital for over a month about to lose my kidneys but all turned out well Thank God. I guess after so many my confidence got pretty shaken up but hey, I kept on going and the desire of riding not only did not go away but got stronger.
I am a pretty decent rider with a good balance but I panic, yep, I admit it, I do panic and my skills go out of the window when I do. It doesn't happen all the time but it does happen. If I am comfortable on a horse and I feel like I can trust him then I am fine but if I am getting used to it, I am a basket case. I will still ride and push myself but I sure could use some ace when I do!
What is the worse that it can happen?, well.... getting dump is not fun, mostly now when I don't longer fall but I splatter LOL. And then my confidence getting even worse and those demons taking over!
Yes, I am afraid of disappointing my hubby and friends that have been helping me but mostly I am afraid of disappointing myself. And you nailed it! I second guess myself ALL THE TIME!!! total mental case, right?
So after admitting all this in a public forum (embarrassed to no end), I am still going to keep working at it. I will take one day at a time, or better yet, one ride at a time! Quitting is never an option and besides, " courage is being scared to death but still saddling up anyways"
Edited by love2ridepre 2018-04-04 9:25 AM
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 Extreme Veteran
Posts: 310
Location: North Dakota | go to Training Barrel Horses and watch Danyelle Campbell's video on Mental Toughness. Its really helped me |
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Defense Attorney for The Horse
Location: Claremore, OK | love2ridepre - 2018-04-04 9:23 AM
Liana D - 2018-04-03 7:11 PM
My first question would be, “what are you afraid of ?” ( not meant to be mean), is it something in you’re riding ? What other people think ? Disappointing your spouse ? If there are specific things that are making you apprehensive I’d go to a clinic or take some lessons and work,on your weak points (we all have them).
A clinic is great since you can watch people that are probably having the same problems as you. You not only get to work on yourself but you get to see other people do it.
My other question is, “what’s the worst that can happen ?” You might make some mistakes but you’ll learn from them. You shouldn’t worry bout what other people think.
The other thing people tend to do is over complicate things, they second guess themselves and end up frustrated and confused (along with the horse). Make your plan and stick with it. Find out what works for you. Be careful about taking advice from too many people.
Growing up I really never had an opportunity to own my own horse so I rode whatever it was offered to me and most of the time were horses than I had not business riding but that's another story. I had pretty bad wrecks, one in particular I was in the hospital for over a month about to lose my kidneys but all turned out well Thank God. I guess after so many my confidence got pretty shaken up but hey, I kept on going and the desire of riding not only did not go away but got stronger.
I am a pretty decent rider with a good balance but I panic, yep, I admit it, I do panic and my skills go out of the window when I do. It doesn't happen all the time but it does happen. If I am comfortable on a horse and I feel like I can trust him then I am fine but if I am getting used to it, I am a basket case. I will still ride and push myself but I sure could use some ace when I do!
What is the worse that it can happen?, well.... getting dump is not fun, mostly now when I don't longer fall but I splatter LOL. And then my confidence getting even worse and those demons taking over!
Yes, I am afraid of disappointing my hubby and friends that have been helping me but mostly I am afraid of disappointing myself. And you nailed it! I second guess myself ALL THE TIME!!! total mental case, right?
So after admitting all this in a public forum (embarrassed to no end ), I am still going to keep working at it. I will take one day at a time, or better yet, one ride at a time! Quitting is never an option and besides, " courage is being scared to death but still saddling up anyways"
I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to embarrass you. Just trying to encourage a problem solving, thought provoking process. I think a clinic would benefit you on many levels. Even auditing a clinic would help. Paul Humphrey is great, Dena Kirkpatrick is great. There are many clinicians that offer great information.
If a clinic won’t work for you perhaps you could do some lessons with a local professional ? |
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Extreme Veteran
Posts: 408
| nothing to be sorry about at all. It is what it is and one step closer to overcoming it is admitting that I have a serious problem, right?
I do work with a trainer (God bless her a thousand times over, I've never met anyone so selfless, dedicated and willing to help as this trainer. She is super busy, extremely successful but always willing to give you a hand) and yes, I am doing a clinic the first weekend of May with this trainer. I am very much looking forwards to it although at the same time I am like "oh My Gosh! " LOL |
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Expert
Posts: 1414
| Yup, I'm in the same boat several of you are in. For several years I broke colts, trained horses for people, took in problem horses, etc. I studied training like it was my full time job. I craved it, it came relatively "easy" to me and I soaked up every second I could.
Five years ago we moved and built a house. It was an unusual build and took a ton of my time. Between work and the house project I took 6 months off from riding. No biggie, nice break for the horses too because it was winter.
House got done and I lost a bit of the drive to compete. The gelding I ran was very competitive but a challenge. He was just a high strung critter that you had to handle "just right", I was burned out on him. Over the course of 5 years I went from training/riding a lot of horses and never once thinking about HOW I rode - to not having good timing, I lost my "feel", my balance isn't what it once was, etc. I'll let weird thoughts of "what if" creep into my head and they never existed before. I feel like a washed up has been - and I never was a has. lol
I feel like "trainer" me was an entire lifetime ago, I hardly remember being that person. I don't know if I can get it back. I don't even know if I want all of it back but it would be nice to feel like I knew how to ride again and be confident. I'm not scared, I just don't have the seat I once did and I don't like it.
Sorry for my ramble. |
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Regular
Posts: 65
| I am in the same boat as a lot of you all. I use to ride anything you put me on. I had no fear. I had a bad accident 6 years ago on a young horse. He reared up, spun around & off I came. He got my shoulder with his hoof when he started bucking & ran off while I was on the ground. I've got a bad neck from the way I hit the ground & my shoulder still gives me problems.
I didn't ride as much after that unless it was one of my good horses that I trusted 110%. I've lost my 2 good horses & have a new one that is awesome & waits for me. He does get a little antsy sometimes & when he does I get super nervous & somewhat scared. I know, doesn't help him any.
I started riding him more & was building my confidence up when he got stomach issues & had to be off for a month. Now I'm back to riding him & it's like I'm starting all over.
I've started an exercise program at home to help build up my balance & strength along with losing some weight. As soon as this crazy weather breaks I'm going to be riding everyday instead of just when I can. God love my pony!! He is so good to me & patient. You are definitely not alone.
Sorry so long! |
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Expert
Posts: 1599
| roanrider - 2018-04-04 12:53 PM Yup, I'm in the same boat several of you are in. For several years I broke colts, trained horses for people, took in problem horses, etc. I studied training like it was my full time job. I craved it, it came relatively "easy" to me and I soaked up every second I could. Five years ago we moved and built a house. It was an unusual build and took a ton of my time. Between work and the house project I took 6 months off from riding. No biggie, nice break for the horses too because it was winter. House got done and I lost a bit of the drive to compete. The gelding I ran was very competitive but a challenge. He was just a high strung critter that you had to handle "just right", I was burned out on him. Over the course of 5 years I went from training/riding a lot of horses and never once thinking about HOW I rode - to not having good timing, I lost my "feel", my balance isn't what it once was, etc. I'll let weird thoughts of "what if" creep into my head and they never existed before. I feel like a washed up has been - and I never was a has. lol I feel like "trainer" me was an entire lifetime ago, I hardly remember being that person. I don't know if I can get it back. I don't even know if I want all of it back but it would be nice to feel like I knew how to ride again and be confident. I'm not scared, I just don't have the seat I once did and I don't like it. Sorry for my ramble. THIS. But you can get it back. I think when I was 20 all I thought was that I was hot s&^t and could ride anything and wanted to prove I could. Nothing could stop me! Now, 10 years later, logic has set in and I don't ride all day every day anymore. I've tried everything, and at highly competive levels....WP, HUS, Reining, cutting...and nothing is as challenging to me mentally as barrel racing, even though when I was 16 I was hauling ass fearlessly!!
Cutting is tough but having the cow to watch keeps my nerves at bay and my body moves with the cow and in turn my horse...if you watch a barrel you demolish it! Soooo yeah it's been challenge but I've been doing a lot of no-rein and no-stirrup riding to train my body and also doing reflex drills at the gym and at home. My feel is back and I'm using my body now more than my legs which makes my horses happier...hopefully confidence will follow!
I do think the phrase "hard work trumps talent when talent doesn't work hard" applies to us....we will need to work hard to ride the way we used to but we will get it!
Edited by lopnaround 2018-04-04 1:23 PM
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 Owner of a ratting catting machine
Posts: 2258
| I’m so sorry you are going through that! I used to play every mind trick in the book on myself trying to feel better about what I was doing. For me it wasn’t so much my confidence in my ability to ride or that I’d get hurt, it was that I just flat wasn’t good enough.
I still struggle with that, and I can pick apart a run or a photo until I feel like I’m worthless.
The best thing I did for myself was to start working out hard with a good trainer at the gym, and taking better care of myself in general. I feel better about myself in general, it really does help. It gives me more of a sense that I deserve to be there having fun because I’ve paid my dues (see, more mind games, haha).
I also went to a couple of clinics where i came out saddle dead, exhausted!! Loved it! Helped very very much!
A close friend of mine just had her third child and is feeling pretty low about herself as a rider. I talked her into going to a clinic with me in a few weeks, three days!! I’ve answered every question or desperate “Oh my gosh what’d you talk me into?!” from her with a big smile and have promised to stay glued to her the whole weekend as she needs it. Maybe get you a clinic buddy??
I hope you can work through it, it’s so much fun to go and feel confident and not worried or anxious. We’re our own worst critics! |
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Veteran
Posts: 225
Location: Montgomery TX | Yes, yes and yes! I was fearless on a horse back in the day! lol Then life happened and I didn't ride for 15 years or so other than an occasional trail ride. I had just started riding to get back to competing when my friend who was helping me had a freak riding accident that left her paralyzed. I've been on a horse twice I think in the last few years since it happened. I'm not scared to be around horses or get on one, but there's something......
Anyway, this morning, I e-mailed a trainer in the area and am meeting with her this weekend to schedule a lesson. Here's to getting back in the saddle, I'm super excited. Even if it is this speed to start  |
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 Extreme Veteran
Posts: 595
Location: North Dakota | You aren't alone!
I went from my 16 year old cowbred mare who I knew too well to a racebred QH 5 year old who is slightly nutty and lots all my confidence. It is hard sometimes. I found my confidence with her by stepping away from riding and doing more of the everyday stuff with her and not riding for awhile. Brushing, picking feet, leading, going over logs on the ground, lunging, just feeding her and staying around while she ate. I needed to find a bond with her because I thrive off of that relationship with a horse. In the process of all that she gained alot of confidence in me which has allowed me to get my confidence with her. Sometimes, atleast in my case...you just need to get to know a horse like the back of your hand to really enjoy that time in the saddle with them.
Good luck! But just know you aren't alone! |
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My Steak better Kick!
Posts: 1627
Location: trying not to melt | I don’t know if this helps much but when I bought my new mare in February I had zero confidence.I was overweight and I’m not the bravest rider out there.I had been using a magic seat and wearing a helmet on my horse I sold.I made up my mind to just do this thing.Five days after I bought her I rode her.Im not used to riding outside of an arena.I haven’t rode at the house for years cause I have no place to really work.But I did it anyway.I have since rode her several times.Nothing bad has happened but the last time I got on her I noticed my shoulders were up to my neck and my heals were up not down.I forced myself to relax.And breath.I am wearing my helmet every time I get on her even tho she has not even offered to do anything.So just know you are not alone.Im sorry you r going thru this also.Good luck with finding your confidence!!
Edited by run3 2018-04-04 4:46 PM
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 The best bad guy on the internet
Posts: 3519
Location: Arizona | I'm on the same road. So mad at myself with the way I have been riding. I retired my one mare and I have a new mare (2 yrs now) and I can't seem to ride her the way I used to ride. I just sit on her like a sack of potatoes. I know I need to drive her, I know I need to kick her, push her. I KNOW!! But do I do it, NO! UGH!! So frustrating! Blah! |
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 My Heart Be Happy
Posts: 9159
Location: Arkansas | love2ridepre - 2018-04-04 9:23 AM
Liana D - 2018-04-03 7:11 PM
My first question would be, “what are you afraid of ?” ( not meant to be mean), is it something in you’re riding ? What other people think ? Disappointing your spouse ? If there are specific things that are making you apprehensive I’d go to a clinic or take some lessons and work,on your weak points (we all have them).
A clinic is great since you can watch people that are probably having the same problems as you. You not only get to work on yourself but you get to see other people do it.
My other question is, “what’s the worst that can happen ?” You might make some mistakes but you’ll learn from them. You shouldn’t worry bout what other people think.
The other thing people tend to do is over complicate things, they second guess themselves and end up frustrated and confused (along with the horse). Make your plan and stick with it. Find out what works for you. Be careful about taking advice from too many people.
Growing up I really never had an opportunity to own my own horse so I rode whatever it was offered to me and most of the time were horses than I had not business riding but that's another story. I had pretty bad wrecks, one in particular I was in the hospital for over a month about to lose my kidneys but all turned out well Thank God. I guess after so many my confidence got pretty shaken up but hey, I kept on going and the desire of riding not only did not go away but got stronger.
I am a pretty decent rider with a good balance but I panic, yep, I admit it, I do panic and my skills go out of the window when I do. It doesn't happen all the time but it does happen. If I am comfortable on a horse and I feel like I can trust him then I am fine but if I am getting used to it, I am a basket case. I will still ride and push myself but I sure could use some ace when I do!
What is the worse that it can happen?, well.... getting dump is not fun, mostly now when I don't longer fall but I splatter LOL. And then my confidence getting even worse and those demons taking over!
Yes, I am afraid of disappointing my hubby and friends that have been helping me but mostly I am afraid of disappointing myself. And you nailed it! I second guess myself ALL THE TIME!!! total mental case, right?
So after admitting all this in a public forum (embarrassed to no end ), I am still going to keep working at it. I will take one day at a time, or better yet, one ride at a time! Quitting is never an option and besides, " courage is being scared to death but still saddling up anyways"
Don't you dare be embarrassed---I think you are very brave and have so much respect for you for asking questions. I say GOOD FOR YOU
Good luck and best wishes to all of you on getting those nerves and that low confidence conquered.
Edited by Chandler's Mom 2018-04-04 7:16 PM
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Extreme Veteran
Posts: 408
| Thanks everyone for sharing your own stories. Like I said before, I hate to hear that you guys go through the same but at the same time it is encouraging to know that I am not alone in this struggle.
This coming weekend I am going to really step out of my comfort zone. We are heading to a whole weekend barrel race and we are taking both horses (which they are buddied up something awful and they act like idiots but the young one needs to be hauled, he hasn't left the farm much and there's no time like the present to start seeing the world) I am very nervous about riding the young one as he hasn't been hauled much, but my husband (who doesn't run barrels but he is a heck of a rider and an excellent horseman) is going to be riding him around and maybe even do a trainer on him just so he can see the arena. If he does well, then I will get on him and try to do trainers . I know it is silly but I am just trying to find ways were my lack of confidence doesn't hinder my horses.
I'll let you all know how it went! I might need lost of
 by the time the weekend is over LOL |
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Extreme Veteran
Posts: 408
| Chandler's Mom - 2018-04-04 7:10 PM
love2ridepre - 2018-04-04 9:23 AM
Liana D - 2018-04-03 7:11 PM
My first question would be, “what are you afraid of ?” ( not meant to be mean), is it something in you’re riding ? What other people think ? Disappointing your spouse ? If there are specific things that are making you apprehensive I’d go to a clinic or take some lessons and work,on your weak points (we all have them).
A clinic is great since you can watch people that are probably having the same problems as you. You not only get to work on yourself but you get to see other people do it.
My other question is, “what’s the worst that can happen ?” You might make some mistakes but you’ll learn from them. You shouldn’t worry bout what other people think.
The other thing people tend to do is over complicate things, they second guess themselves and end up frustrated and confused (along with the horse). Make your plan and stick with it. Find out what works for you. Be careful about taking advice from too many people.
Growing up I really never had an opportunity to own my own horse so I rode whatever it was offered to me and most of the time were horses than I had not business riding but that's another story. I had pretty bad wrecks, one in particular I was in the hospital for over a month about to lose my kidneys but all turned out well Thank God. I guess after so many my confidence got pretty shaken up but hey, I kept on going and the desire of riding not only did not go away but got stronger.
I am a pretty decent rider with a good balance but I panic, yep, I admit it, I do panic and my skills go out of the window when I do. It doesn't happen all the time but it does happen. If I am comfortable on a horse and I feel like I can trust him then I am fine but if I am getting used to it, I am a basket case. I will still ride and push myself but I sure could use some ace when I do!
What is the worse that it can happen?, well.... getting dump is not fun, mostly now when I don't longer fall but I splatter LOL. And then my confidence getting even worse and those demons taking over!
Yes, I am afraid of disappointing my hubby and friends that have been helping me but mostly I am afraid of disappointing myself. And you nailed it! I second guess myself ALL THE TIME!!! total mental case, right?
So after admitting all this in a public forum (embarrassed to no end ), I am still going to keep working at it. I will take one day at a time, or better yet, one ride at a time! Quitting is never an option and besides, " courage is being scared to death but still saddling up anyways"
Don't you dare be embarrassed---I think you are very brave and have so much respect for you for asking questions. I say GOOD FOR YOU
Good luck and best wishes to all of you on getting those nerves and that low confidence conquered.
thank you so very much! |
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Veteran
Posts: 225
Location: Montgomery TX | Good Luck!!!  I'm so glad your husband will be with you for moral support and to keep the youngster busy so you can concentrate on doing your thang!!
Don't forget to update us - I know I will be stalking BHW for an update - and I'm sure I won't be the only one!  |
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Expert
Posts: 1599
| Update: Swearing at yourself can work! I literally said to myself "Stop being a %^&^* pansy and get your a$$ in there and ride like you know you can." And probably repeated several iterations of that a few times lol! Literally my mind changed from defensive to offensive and I felt my entire body change. I remembered my whole run and actually RODE thru it. |
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My Heart Be Happy
Posts: 9159
Location: Arkansas | love2ridepre - 2018-04-06 8:44 AM
Chandler's Mom - 2018-04-04 7:10 PM
love2ridepre - 2018-04-04 9:23 AM
Liana D - 2018-04-03 7:11 PM
My first question would be, “what are you afraid of ?” ( not meant to be mean), is it something in you’re riding ? What other people think ? Disappointing your spouse ? If there are specific things that are making you apprehensive I’d go to a clinic or take some lessons and work,on your weak points (we all have them).
A clinic is great since you can watch people that are probably having the same problems as you. You not only get to work on yourself but you get to see other people do it.
My other question is, “what’s the worst that can happen ?” You might make some mistakes but you’ll learn from them. You shouldn’t worry bout what other people think.
The other thing people tend to do is over complicate things, they second guess themselves and end up frustrated and confused (along with the horse). Make your plan and stick with it. Find out what works for you. Be careful about taking advice from too many people.
Growing up I really never had an opportunity to own my own horse so I rode whatever it was offered to me and most of the time were horses than I had not business riding but that's another story. I had pretty bad wrecks, one in particular I was in the hospital for over a month about to lose my kidneys but all turned out well Thank God. I guess after so many my confidence got pretty shaken up but hey, I kept on going and the desire of riding not only did not go away but got stronger.
I am a pretty decent rider with a good balance but I panic, yep, I admit it, I do panic and my skills go out of the window when I do. It doesn't happen all the time but it does happen. If I am comfortable on a horse and I feel like I can trust him then I am fine but if I am getting used to it, I am a basket case. I will still ride and push myself but I sure could use some ace when I do!
What is the worse that it can happen?, well.... getting dump is not fun, mostly now when I don't longer fall but I splatter LOL. And then my confidence getting even worse and those demons taking over!
Yes, I am afraid of disappointing my hubby and friends that have been helping me but mostly I am afraid of disappointing myself. And you nailed it! I second guess myself ALL THE TIME!!! total mental case, right?
So after admitting all this in a public forum (embarrassed to no end ), I am still going to keep working at it. I will take one day at a time, or better yet, one ride at a time! Quitting is never an option and besides, " courage is being scared to death but still saddling up anyways"
Don't you dare be embarrassed---I think you are very brave and have so much respect for you for asking questions. I say GOOD FOR YOU
Good luck and best wishes to all of you on getting those nerves and that low confidence conquered.
thank you so very much!
You are so welcome!! Can't wait for your to let us know how it went. Good thoughts and wishes sent your way  |
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Extreme Veteran
Posts: 408
| ***UPDATE***
Well, I did put my big girl panties on and rode my young one at the big barrel race! My husband rode him all over Saturday and he did awesome! so yesterday after my run on my to go guy, I got on him and rode him in the warm up pen. He handled all the commotion, the music, the speakers, tractors etc like A CHAMP! I want to believe that with time, we might actually make a pretty good team!
Fighting those demons is for sure exhausting but so well worthed
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Shelter Dog Lover
Posts: 10277
| love2ridepre - 2018-04-09 2:31 PM ***UPDATE*** Well, I did put my big girl panties on and rode my young one at the big barrel race! My husband rode him all over Saturday and he did awesome! so yesterday after my run on my to go guy, I got on him and rode him in the warm up pen. He handled all the commotion, the music, the speakers, tractors etc like A CHAMP! I want to believe that with time, we might actually make a pretty good team! Fighting those demons is for sure exhausting but so well worthed
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A Somebody to Everybody
Posts: 41354
Location: Under The Big Sky Of Texas | love2ridepre - 2018-04-09 2:31 PM
***UPDATE***
Well, I did put my big girl panties on and rode my young one at the big barrel race! My husband rode him all over Saturday and he did awesome! so yesterday after my run on my to go guy, I got on him and rode him in the warm up pen. He handled all the commotion, the music, the speakers, tractors etc like A CHAMP! I want to believe that with time, we might actually make a pretty good team!
Fighting those demons is for sure exhausting but so well worthed
Yep, Like I was saying the more rides the better the confidence |
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Defense Attorney for The Horse
Location: Claremore, OK | love2ridepre - 2018-04-09 2:31 PM
***UPDATE***
Well, I did put my big girl panties on and rode my young one at the big barrel race! My husband rode him all over Saturday and he did awesome! so yesterday after my run on my to go guy, I got on him and rode him in the warm up pen. He handled all the commotion, the music, the speakers, tractors etc like A CHAMP! I want to believe that with time, we might actually make a pretty good team!
Fighting those demons is for sure exhausting but so well worthed
Yes !
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Extreme Veteran
Posts: 545
Location: Texas | love2ridepre - 2018-04-09 2:31 PM ***UPDATE*** Well, I did put my big girl panties on and rode my young one at the big barrel race! My husband rode him all over Saturday and he did awesome! so yesterday after my run on my to go guy, I got on him and rode him in the warm up pen. He handled all the commotion, the music, the speakers, tractors etc like A CHAMP! I want to believe that with time, we might actually make a pretty good team! Fighting those demons is for sure exhausting but so well worthed
I was hoping to hear it went great. So glad you had a great weekend and it went well. Keep pushing you'll get it. I tell myself that all the time. I know also how great it feels when things like that go right! |
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My Heart Be Happy
Posts: 9159
Location: Arkansas | love2ridepre - 2018-04-09 2:31 PM
***UPDATE***
Well, I did put my big girl panties on and rode my young one at the big barrel race! My husband rode him all over Saturday and he did awesome! so yesterday after my run on my to go guy, I got on him and rode him in the warm up pen. He handled all the commotion, the music, the speakers, tractors etc like A CHAMP! I want to believe that with time, we might actually make a pretty good team!
Fighting those demons is for sure exhausting but so well worthed
Woo hoo  |
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Battling Low confidence :(