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Elite Veteran
Posts: 672
  
| I don’t get on here often, but reaching out for some help. I don’t have any friends I feel comfortable talking with about this so just hoping I can get some words of wisdom. I am exhausted with my life, and I’m not even that busy. I think a lot of it has to do with my husband and our relationship. He is not happy and I honestly don’t think he ever will be. We have been blessed with a lot, but he chooses not to see it. He just see’s everything we don’t have. For the last 8 years I feel like I’ve been trying to make him happy and I’ve gotten worn out, I don’t even care anymore! It’s not my job to make him happy and it’s pulling me down. I don’t feel like myself, I have always been an eternal optimistic and can always find good/positive in the bad or struggles, but I feel like I am losing that and just sinking into the same mindset as my husband. I hate it and it scares me. The last 2 weeks I haven’t even been able to get up and ride in the morning, which I’ve never been like that before… It’s like I don’t even have the will to get up and get going… why? Why should I when everything is so freakin’ miserable (I know it’s not, but that is how I feel!!) I hate feeling like this and I think I should go to counseling, he doesn’t want me to, but I’m just so at a loss and hate feeling like this… |
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 A Barrel Of Monkeys
Posts: 12972
 
Location: Texas | It's really hard to live with a negative, glass half empty person. I think counseling is a good idea. In my experience, husbands (not all) don't want us to go to counseling because they're afraid the counselor will find something wrong with them. They don't do that!! I say go!! |
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 BHW Resident Surgeon
Posts: 25351
Location: Bastrop, Texas | Few people like the idea of going to counseling. Usually a person has to be at the end of their rope to give serious consideration to counseling. Without knowing a lot, I’d say you should follow through with counseling. Sounds pretty serious, and you sound very depressed. Counseling is a good start. |
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  That's White "Man" to You
Posts: 5515
| Lots of people dont like the idea of counseling or medication. I believe that everybody can benefit from counseling. And many would benefit from medication. |
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 897
| I went to counseling years ago, by myself, and I absolutely loved it! After each session, I felt like I could take on the world, and I felt as though I could breath again! I was so happy, and felt like all the weight was lifted off my shoulders. I felt SO good after each session, and I couldn't wait until next week. I would leave each session glowing. I have been to two females and one male in my past, and I liked talking to the females better, but you don't know until you go to a session.
Edited by emricmacy 2018-06-15 12:02 PM
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 Peecans
| If you feel you should go see somebody, GO. Regardless if his thoughts this is your mental health and you need to take care of it. Living with somebody negative is so hard. Its exhausting and you eventually become empty. I know this all too well...
Mental health is so important and can spiral so fast, and there is such a stigma about counseling and needing help, I think its great you are reaching out and many hugs to you as you fill your cup back up. |
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 672
| Fun2Run - 2018-06-15 11:15 AM
It's really hard to live with a negative, glass half empty person. I think counseling is a good idea. In my experience, husbands (not all) don't want us to go to counseling because they're afraid the counselor will find something wrong with them. They don't do that!! I say go!!
Yes! I totally think he thinks that if I go it will change things for the worst...
I've thought about going before, but I'm even more exhausted now and so tired of feeling like this. |
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 A Somebody to Everybody
Posts: 41354
Location: Under The Big Sky Of Texas | veintiocho - 2018-06-15 2:04 PM Fun2Run - 2018-06-15 11:15 AM It's really hard to live with a negative, glass half empty person. I think counseling is a good idea. In my experience, husbands (not all) don't want us to go to counseling because they're afraid the counselor will find something wrong with them. They don't do that!! I say go!! Yes! I totally think he thinks that if I go it will change things for the worst... I've thought about going before, but I'm even more exhausted now and so tired of feeling like this.
So whos holding you back, you know you need to go talk with a professional, dont let someone make you feel bad doing something right. |
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 897
| veintiocho - 2018-06-15 2:04 PM
Fun2Run - 2018-06-15 11:15 AM
It's really hard to live with a negative, glass half empty person. I think counseling is a good idea. In my experience, husbands (not all) don't want us to go to counseling because they're afraid the counselor will find something wrong with them. They don't do that!! I say go!!
Yes! I totally think he thinks that if I go it will change things for the worst...
I've thought about going before, but I'm even more exhausted now and so tired of feeling like this.
I honestly think you will feel better if you go! And you will come out of the sessions feeling good again! It really is like a huge weight off your shoulders when talking to a therapist. |
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 Expert
Posts: 1857
| I am so sorry you are feeling this way! Sometimes we take on the troubles of those we love to try and help them and then find ourselves stuck in it too. I think a counseling would be a great idea for you, help you express your feelings and frustrations.
One thing I have learned is that when someone is unhappy, that I can not make them happy. I can't work harder, I can't buy them more things, do more around the house, be more understanding, etc. That the problem isn't what we do have or not have, what I do or not do, it's with them. They are the sole owner of their unhappiness. I can't save them from it, only myself.
There's a saying "Misery likes company". That might be why your husband doesn't want you to go, who is going to share in the same feelings and validate them for him? There is also a pride factor with men, it tends to slow their progress in situations like this. He probably can't even tell you why he is so angry and unhappy, just that everything that is going on is making him that way... well unfortunately for him, he's the only one that can fix that and he needs to figure it out not you. |
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"Heck's Coming With Me"
Posts: 10794
Location: Kansas | If counseling doesn't help, how unthinkable would it be to strike out on your own? There may be someone out there who could make you happy.
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 My Heart Be Happy
Posts: 9159
Location: Arkansas | Sending thoughts and prayers for the best things possible for you  |
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Expert
Posts: 1314
Location: North Central Iowa Land of white frozen grass | I am an outside person. So are my daughters. My wife is not so much.
When I or my daughters and I go to do something we give her one chance to say yes or no. There is no negotiations and no maybes. We get along great because she knows that it was her decision . Make him make a decision and don't look back. He will change or when you tell him that you are leaving for someone that can he will believe you. Life is too short to be unhappy.
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 Quarter Horse HIstorian
Posts: 2878
Location: Aubrey, Texas | Of course you’re worn out; gravity wins! It takes a lot of energy every day to resist the downward pull of a negative person. I think counseling is a great idea, but make sure you find a counselor you really “nick” with. I don’t mean someone who tells you what you want to hear but someone who really listens to you and who you feel comfortable talking to. Good luck- I hope everything works out well for you! |
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My Heart Be Happy
Posts: 9159
Location: Arkansas | Just wanted to check in on you, been thinking of you  |
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 The Vaccinator
Posts: 3810
Location: Slipping down the slope of old age. Boo hoo. | Hope you decided to schedule time with a counselor. Life is short. Hugs to you. |
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 Extreme Veteran
Posts: 433
Location: The Lone Star State | My ex husband was exactly like that. I lived that way for 10 years. Every time I had an accomplishment he would make some snarky remark like "ya you have a great life" he was stealing the joy from me and totally sucking the life out of me. He was the most miserable person and im not even sure what I saw in him to marry him other than he was a good provider and could be fun at times. We were together only 10 months before we got married(that was my big mistake). I used to have to hide my horse equipment purchases because he was so negative. Its funny, he actually left after a couple of really bad weeks and went to stay with his parents and it was the most peace I had had in 10 years, thats when I knew and I served him with divorce papers soon after. Its been 9 years since we divorced and God has made up for my mistake. I have met the most wonderful man that is totally opposite of my ex. He is patient, Kind, never ever says one negative word, loves the horses and is so supportive. Im not saying divorce is the answer but after you have given everything you've got including counseling and zoloft(I did) and after a LOT of prayer you will know what the right decision is. I feel for you! Hope this helps a little. |
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Veteran
Posts: 113
Location: Wyoming | I want to say there is NO shame in seeking help. I thought this for awhile and finally bit the bullet after friends pushed me in the right direction that had dealt with the same. Seek help, live your best life. You only get one. |
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 Extreme Veteran
Posts: 501
Location: Oklahoma | Honestly- the best gift you can give yourself is talk to someone! Someone that you can trust! Talking through things helps gives us clarity to find our way out.
To do nothing, talk to no one, means nothing changes! Give yourself a gift!
I love what the above poster said.. you only get one life live it.. that is so very true. Give yourself this so you can live what life is left to you.
Edited by runningfree123 2018-06-18 12:00 PM
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Location: in the ozone | My first husband was so dang negative - he was literally until the day he died (he got cancer, still complained about everyone, everything - NEVER got off that train his whole life!). After 7 years, I'd had enough & tried to get him to go to counseling w/me. He declined - "he didn't need counseling! " So I went anyway. Made me realize just how much he'd brought me down & how miserable I was. Gave me the strength to leave & start LIVING again. |
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OT - Feeling down