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Elite Veteran
Posts: 618
 
| Every year I host Thanksgiving dinner. I buy almost ALL the food save for a few side dishes and snacks as well as I do the cooking(from scratch) and cleaning. There's always leftovers and I offer for everyone to take some but over the last several years some of my family members have been bringing containers, not just one but a bag full, and literally wiping out all the leftovers to take home so they don't have to cook or worry about dinner etc next day or so. I feel like it's gotten out of hand and while they're all enjoying themselves I did all the work and bought all the food. I think it's kinda rude.
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 A Somebody to Everybody
Posts: 41354
  
Location: Under The Big Sky Of Texas | iloveequine40 - 2018-11-21 8:48 AM Every year I host Thanksgiving dinner. I buy almost ALL the food save for a few side dishes and snacks as well as I do the cooking(from scratch) and cleaning. There's always leftovers and I offer for everyone to take some but over the last several years some of my family members have been bringing containers, not just one but a bag full, and literally wiping out all the leftovers to take home so they don't have to cook or worry about dinner etc next day or so. I feel like it's gotten out of hand and while they're all enjoying themselves I did all the work and bought all the food. I think it's kinda rude.
Yes I think its rude, you must have really spoiled them with all the good cooking. Do you save any left overs for your self? I think I would start telling family members to bring a side dish and deserts to help you out and and pick out a few for the clean up..How many have you been cooking for? |
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Veteran
Posts: 289
Location: Northeast SD | I would 100% start delegating dishes to each family. Then you do the main dish and one other...
That would drive me to  |
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 618
| I cook for about 20 including my 4. I do delegate and they ALWAYS take the cheap route I'm so busy "hosting" everything is always picked over by the time I realize it :(. I love home made food and so do they obviously. If I'm being completely honest I told them ALL 3 weeks ago I wasn't hosting this year and their attitudes and lack of cooperation and drama is why. Literally, none of them volunteered and protested saying not me, not me, too much work blah, blah, blah. I think they thought I was kidding but I'm going to a friends tomorrow and only taking mac and cheese(from scratch)
Edited by iloveequine40 2018-11-21 9:47 AM
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A Somebody to Everybody
Posts: 41354
Location: Under The Big Sky Of Texas | iloveequine40 - 2018-11-21 9:45 AM I cook for about 20 including my 4. I do delegate and they ALWAYS take the cheap route I'm so busy "hosting" everything is always picked over by the time I realize it :(. I love home made food and so do they obviously. If I'm being completely honest I told them ALL 3 weeks ago I wasn't hosting this year and their attitudes and lack of cooperation and drama is why. Literally, none of them volunteered and protested saying not me, not me, too much work blah, blah, blah. I think they thought I was kidding but I'm going to a friends tomorrow and only taking mac and cheese(from scratch)
Sounded like you needed this break, I think next year you should do Thanksgiving for yourself and you're 4 only. |
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I just read the headlines
Posts: 4483
| Wow! No one helps clean up?! Amy DIL does all the cooking ( it’s the way she wants it) BUT, my other SIL, me and my husband do ALL the clean up. Works out great for us.
Yes, it’s terribly rude. This year put together your leftovers that you want and then let them pick through the rest. |
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  Roan Wonder
Location: SW MO | Surprise them this year with hot dogs, canned Chili & chips. Glazed donuts for desert all served on paper plates. And say oh I'm sorry I have just been so busy this year. Saturday fix a good dinner for your 4 |
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 618
| Southtxponygirl - 2018-11-21 9:53 AM
iloveequine40 - 2018-11-21 9:45 AM I cook for about 20 including my 4. I do delegate and they ALWAYS take the cheap route I'm so busy "hosting" everything is always picked over by the time I realize it :(. I love home made food and so do they obviously. If I'm being completely honest I told them ALL 3 weeks ago I wasn't hosting this year and their attitudes and lack of cooperation and drama is why. Literally, none of them volunteered and protested saying not me, not me, too much work blah, blah, blah. I think they thought I was kidding but I'm going to a friends tomorrow and only taking mac and cheese(from scratch)
Sounded like you needed this break, I think next year you should do Thanksgiving for yourself and you're 4 only.
4 includes me. I think on Christmas Day that's what I'm going to do.
I really struggle with the resentment I feel. I feel guilty about it. |
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A Somebody to Everybody
Posts: 41354
Location: Under The Big Sky Of Texas | iloveequine40 - 2018-11-21 11:23 AM Southtxponygirl - 2018-11-21 9:53 AM iloveequine40 - 2018-11-21 9:45 AM I cook for about 20 including my 4. I do delegate and they ALWAYS take the cheap route I'm so busy "hosting" everything is always picked over by the time I realize it :(. I love home made food and so do they obviously. If I'm being completely honest I told them ALL 3 weeks ago I wasn't hosting this year and their attitudes and lack of cooperation and drama is why. Literally, none of them volunteered and protested saying not me, not me, too much work blah, blah, blah. I think they thought I was kidding but I'm going to a friends tomorrow and only taking mac and cheese(from scratch) Sounded like you needed this break, I think next year you should do Thanksgiving for yourself and you're 4 only. 4 includes me. I think on Christmas Day that's what I'm going to do. I really struggle with the resentment I feel. I feel guilty about it.
Dont feel quilty, all the people that you cooked for hours and cleaned up after sure dont feel no quilt for letting you do all the work, if they did they sure would have been pitching in on the work. Sounds like to me they were taking advantage of a good thing YOU.  |
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 Expert
Posts: 2128
| Yes it is rude for them to not even offer to clean up. If I were you, I would go ahead and put away the leftovers you want to keep. I would also ask for someone to bring paper plates, drinks, side dishes... something.
We have a big family that meets up at my dads house every year. My step mom has become increasingly stressed out about having everyone over. My sister and I (the only girls) always bring stuff and last year the two of us paid and had the food catered to ease the worry of our parents. The other siblings didnt offer to help chip in or anything.. My step mom honestly acted like she didnt even want us to be there so....I am not going this year..pretty sure we got the hint. |
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 Take a Picture
Posts: 12838
| We decided to go to GOLDEN CORRAL |
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Nut Case Expert
Posts: 9305
Location: Tulsa, Ok | streakysox - 2018-11-21 11:43 AM We decided to go to GOLDEN CORRAL
We are going to the buffet at the casino that is 1/4 mile from my house. I figure if I pick up the tab for the 8 people who will be there I will still spend less than I would buying all the fixings. I have decided I am out on cooking for two days so we can spend thirty minutes eating and a hour cleaning up. |
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 The best bad guy on the internet
Posts: 3519
Location: Arizona | We all take turns hosting Xmas and Thanksgiving. This year my sister is hosting Thanksgiving, whoever hosts the party and provides the main dish, gets first grabs on the leftovers. We all contribute but we all know how much work it is to host the event. We all pitch in on the clean up as well. We have always had way too much food so we usually all end up with enough leftovers. :) |
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 The Bling Princess
Posts: 3411
Location: North Dakota | LIVE2RUN - 2018-11-21 1:09 PM
We all take turns hosting Xmas and Thanksgiving. This year my sister is hosting Thanksgiving, whoever hosts the party and provides the main dish, gets first grabs on the leftovers. We all contribute but we all know how much work it is to host the event. We all pitch in on the clean up as well. We have always had way too much food so we usually all end up with enough leftovers. :)
This is what our family does too. My sister is hosting Thanksgiving, for whomever could make it from our family, and also for her in-laws. this year there are going to be about 24 of us:) We are all bringing two or three side dishes and she is making the bird, stuffing, and potatoes. I'll host Christmas.
I would never ever dream of leaving her to do all of the pre-Thanksgiving work, the cleanup, and then snatching up all the leftovers before I head out the door! That is completely lazy and rude. |
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 Warrior Mom
Posts: 4400
| Sounds familiar... except I dont host, my mother in law does and shes pretty good at getting pretty much everyone to bring a dish or 2. Its at her home, I grab her daughters and granddaughters and have them help with the clean up.. otherwise she would be in there doing it herself! Yes, everyone started bringing their own to go containers too... several people dont even eat when supper is served, they load up their to go plates and go back outside to continue drinking! So this year she decided we are doing a lunch instead of supper.. if people start drinking before noon tomorrow, well, that's their problem! Dont get me wrong, I drink at these family functions too, but its usually a glass of wine or 2 AFTER eating and cleanup! Theres usually 25-35 people at these functions and I think its usually the same 3 or 4 that help with clean up. Its irritating as all get out |
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 Expert
Posts: 1304
| Maybe keep a 1/4 or 1/2 back of what you make before they get there. Just enough everyone can eat and if there's any left, they can take it and if not too bad. Lol. They'll never know! |
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 618
| I have a VERY blended family. My parents have been divorced since I was 5. My dad has refused to come to any family gathering where my mom is the last 3 yrs although I don't fully understand why as they had been attending together for years. My 5th step mom comes but wasn't going to this year, my sister thought we should do it the Saturday before but her son had plans so I said screw it. Now my 2nd and 4th stepmom(he married same lady twice) is where I'm going in which they invited my mom and new hubs who after 40 yrs meets up with her HS sweetheart and got married fast. She never remarried after my dad. I've literally met him 3x. They asked if they could move into my grandpa house next door to me "temporarily" bc they don't like their apartment, I said no. My mom has lived there since my grandpa died 3 yrs ago and not paid a dime, not even the taxes which equate to $83/month. I pay them bc I own the property. Now I'm an A***H****. Tomorrow already feels awkward :(
Can anyone say Dysfunctional??? And I'm hiding in my barn crying bc I pretend that none of this is crazy and I am an A***H****. |
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 Elite Veteran
Posts: 852
| I guess I am the odd one out here.......my hubby and I usually host Thanksgiving for his family and some of mine (we're talking about 15-20 people for dinner), and it doesn't bother me at all if they want to take leftovers. In fact, we encourage it! For one, I don't want to eat turkey everything-under-the-sun for the week+ after Thanksgiving. Also, I am soooo thankful that we can afford to feed that many people, and have a space big enough to host them, and that the walls resonate with joy and laughter and smiles, and that they enjoy the food that I lovingly prepared for them enough to WANT to take some home and enjoy it again! When they all leave and I have an empty fridge, I couldn't care less. There are many, many people out there that cannot afford food, let alone to share it, or have anyone to share it with. |
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 My Heart Be Happy
Posts: 9159
Location: Arkansas | crossspur - 2018-11-21 10:34 AM
Surprise them this year with hot dogs, canned Chili & chips. Glazed donuts for desert all served on paper plates. And say oh I'm sorry I have just been so busy this year. Saturday fix a good dinner for your 4
Love this  |
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 618
| I don't have a problem with hosting, cooking etc for the very reasons you stated but I have an issue with the entitlement and as i said before i encourage everyone to take SOME leftovers but expect the courtesy of leaving at least enough for one meal next day for my family as well as as at the very least helping clean up. I've been doing this for 20+ years and you get tired of it. |
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My Heart Be Happy
Posts: 9159
Location: Arkansas | iloveequine40 - 2018-11-21 5:51 PM
I don't have a problem with hosting, cooking etc for the very reasons you stated but I have an issue with the entitlement and as i said before i encourage everyone to take SOME leftovers but expect the courtesy of leaving at least enough for one meal next day for my family as well as as at the very least helping clean up. I've been doing this for 20+ years and you get tired of it.
I've always felt like whoever does the cooking should not set foot in the kitchen for clean up. That's just fair. And they're YOUR leftovers to dole out however you see fit. If you see fit. Hope you have a wonderful and (comparatively!!!) restful holiday  |
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Tried and True
Posts: 21185
Location: Where I am happiest | Start a new family tradition. Put every adults name in a hat and have one of the kids draw for who gets to host next year's Thanksgiving Dinner. The one who hosts does not go in the drawing for the next year. |
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OT- Is it rude or.....