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Member
Posts: 14
| Dear all,
If video game addiction is a problem in your family, let's share some advice on how to beat it.
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First let's define the problem, if you feel like:
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- you are tired of the constant battles and fighting over gaming with your kid(s)
- you frustrated that what you’ve tried hasn’t worked
- you feel hopeless or even worse you think you you’re a “bad parent”?
- your kids get angry and can't wait to get back to gaming
- you wonder if you ever see them again, and how on Earth those game creators won your son or daughter over you
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Here is what I have tried:
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1) I understood the extent of the problem by imagining my child's life in 5-10 years - scary pictures came to mind. I read about what crazy things kids do when they feel isolated from the games. What happens in the long run if I don't change anything now? That was a wake up call.
2) I realized that feeling hopeless was a huge mistake. Having read the Mindset by Carol Dweck I realized that if parents have a growth mindset they can beat the addiction and win the battle. You are not a bad parent!
3) I have studied why the games (Fortnite anyone?) are so attractive. Understand that game creators hire the best psychologists, designers, and programmers to take advantage of young child brains incapable of resisting the psycho tricks
4) Once you understand what's going on in the game it will make perfect sense why your child can't resist and spends hours and hours every day playing - their little minds are manipulated by game creators. One example: when the character gets eliminated they show the enemy only had a few percent of "energy" left. That makes your child think: "Oh, I was that close. Let me try again". See? The games are packed with tricks like that.
5) I created a step-by-step plan on how to beat the addiction. Example: setting boundaries. The specific course of action depends on how bad the situation already is. But it's possible. You can start with pretty liberating boundaries first, but then gradually scrutinizing them. Also, depending on the extent of the problem a professional help might be needed from a psychologist. Some kids do crazy things such as threatening to do something with their lives. That's not a joke, if you feel like it went that far seek a professional advice.
6) I re-organized my own life, running 3 businesses is a bit of a challenge in terms of time. But I studied every productivity book I possibly could (for example Eat That Frog). I organized a week in such a way that I spend more time with my son. We play sports, walk, etc - anything that doesn't involve the technology.
7) I decided to be patient - video game detox takes time, but the result is totally worth it.
Remember, game creators damage kids brains by getting them addicted to video games the same way as heroin. That's what multiple research studies say.
No wonder nearly every parent has this as #1 problem in the family. If it's not the case in your family, I am so happy for you.
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Let's brainstorm more solutions.
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- Is it a problem in your family?
- What have you done to solve it?
- Did it work?
Let's brainstorm some ideas on how to win this battle against extremely dangerous video game corporations. In my own opinion, those companies are more dangerous than tobacco and alcohol producers as they tinker with your kids minds on a daily basis while they are young and not prepared to resist the attacks.
Edited by RomanK 2019-02-15 11:08 PM
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I just read the headlines
Posts: 4483
 
| I worry about this with my 20 month old grandson. He already wants our phones and his absentee mom plies him with her computer so he doesn’t cry when he does see her. I feel the fight has already started. But I have decided no internet/iPhone use when I am with him unless someone calls or I need to make a call or he is napping. It is up to his caretakers to set the example. I have no idea if this will work. With my so.ln (His dad) I did not allow ANY violent games. Only sports games and only for an hour a day AFTER all chores and outside activities were done. This was through high school. By the tome he was a Jr in high school he no longer was no longer interested. I am so glad he played sports and showed heifers so that his days were full. |
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 BHW Resident Surgeon
Posts: 25351
Location: Bastrop, Texas | I applaud efforts like this.
We are in unchartered territory with this stuff.
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 Warrior Mom
Posts: 4400
| I dont let my boys play fortnite. From what I understand that is the game all these kids are getting "addicted" to. My boys have a playstation and an x box, they play very little on them. Surprisingly. But I guess I should be thankful. My boys like to play outside mostly... they are always playing "army, navy seals or the walking dead" lol! They are pretty darn creative out there in the pastures. We just got a huge load of sand delivered and my boys are in heaven playing on it. I've heard other parents complaining about this fortnite stuff and we just didnt get it. My kids will sometimes ask for a new game and we usually get it for them, they play all the sports games and of course WWE wrestling, no crazy shoot um up games here. Theyll play for a little while then get bored and head outdoors. |
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  Neat Freak
Posts: 11216
Location: Wonderful Wyoming | My husband and I have some sort of system that we bought 15 yrs ago. I can't even tell you what it is. My boys are 10 and 6 and it has never been hooked up since they have been born. I watched my younger brother go from an outdoorsy FUN athletic kid to a introvert with a bad attitude and over weight. He graduated with no friends and now lives in another state playing online. He has pretty much wrote himself off from the rest of the family. Sad deal. My boys don't even have a phone and they go to school an hour from the ranch. If the oldest gets into sports we may do something but I enjoy watching him be a kid like I was in the 80's |
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BHW Resident Surgeon
Posts: 25351
Location: Bastrop, Texas | I think the increasing, unlimited access to the internet, video games, and devices is giving rise to an epidemic of a whole new mental health syndrome that we are just now beginning to recognize and understand. I’m not just talking about kids. I’m talking about adults too. I think most of us have had to take a step back and admit we spend too much time living in the electronic/cyber world.
There needs to be more discussion on this.
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 A Somebody to Everybody
Posts: 41354
Location: Under The Big Sky Of Texas | I'm pretty sure that RomanK is a spam bot.. |
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BHW Resident Surgeon
Posts: 25351
Location: Bastrop, Texas | Southtxponygirl - 2019-02-16 10:42 AM
I'm pretty sure that RomanK is a spam bot..
Why do you say that Roxie?
I don’t really care anyway. The topic is worthy of discussion.
Nobody can argue that. |
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Neat Freak
Posts: 11216
Location: Wonderful Wyoming | Bear - 2019-02-16 10:00 AM Southtxponygirl - 2019-02-16 10:42 AM I'm pretty sure that RomanK is a spam bot.. Why do you say that Roxie? I don’t really care anyway. The topic is worthy of discussion. Nobody can argue that.
I kind of wondered too Roxie, but I agree with Bear and thought it was a great discussion and something so many need to open their eyes and see. |
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BHW Resident Surgeon
Posts: 25351
Location: Bastrop, Texas | I think a lot of us shy away from looking at this problem for obvious reasons. If we are honest with ourselves, we have to admit that we are all internet/electronic device addicts to varying degrees.
I’ve cut down a lot, but I think I waste too much time on social media. I don’t play video games, thank God.
I think social media is the centerpiece off too many lives. Fortunately a lot of us recognize it and are making adjustments, but some people live for it. It is both a blessing and a curse. I think a lot of young people lose their lives because of devices, games, and social media, either as a direct result or as a victim.
Painful truth. |
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 Fact Checker
Posts: 16572
Location: Displaced Iowegian | Bear - 2019-02-16 11:00 AM Southtxponygirl - 2019-02-16 10:42 AM I'm pretty sure that RomanK is a spam bot.. Why do you say that Roxie? I don’t really care anyway. The topic is worthy of discussion. Nobody can argue that.
JMO ...... allowing the young children to have unlimited use of all of the electronic devices contributes to many of the problems with the youth of today ......
obesity in children
lack of social skills
lack of respect for others
lack of empathy
lack of discipline
Edited by NJJ 2019-02-16 1:49 PM
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 Shelter Dog Lover
Posts: 10277
| When my son was 11 we got rid of every gaming device he had. We had one family computer, kids got their own when they went off to college. |
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Member
Posts: 14
| Southtxponygirl - 2019-02-16 10:42 AM
I'm pretty sure that RomanK is a spam bot..
I am sorry I made you feel I am a spam bot. This is a real problem and I applaud all these comments and efforts of others. I am learning and this is great. |
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Member
Posts: 14
| Bear - 2019-02-16 12:30 PM
I think a lot of us shy away from looking at this problem for obvious reasons. If we are honest with ourselves, we have to admit that we are all internet/electronic device addicts to varying degrees.
I’ve cut down a lot, but I think I waste too much time on social media. I don’t play video games, thank God.
I think social media is the centerpiece off too many lives. Fortunately a lot of us recognize it and are making adjustments, but some people live for it. It is both a blessing and a curse. I think a lot of young people lose their lives because of devices, games, and social media, either as a direct result or as a victim.
Painful truth.
I totally agree. It even affects adults with divorce rates on the rise. Here is an extract from an online article I found:
In fact, Fortnite is so popular it's becoming kind of a problem for some gamers. One online divorce specialist service says that Fortnite was the reason behind about 4,500 divorces a year. And some health experts have said that Fortnite is as addictive as heroin.
Source: https://sciencing.com/this-is-why-fortnite-is-so-addictive-13715436.... |
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Member
Posts: 14
| NJJ - 2019-02-16 12:52 PM
Bear - 2019-02-16 11:00 AM Southtxponygirl - 2019-02-16 10:42 AM I'm pretty sure that RomanK is a spam bot.. Why do you say that Roxie? I don’t really care anyway. The topic is worthy of discussion. Nobody can argue that.
obesity in children
lack of social skills
lack of respect for others
lack of empathy
lack of discipline
Book salesman! Ha-ha-ha, that made my day! Thanks for that!
On a serious note, I just love sharing good stuff with people. I believe in books and learning from them.
I made it my mission to spread the goodness I learnt from hundreds of books because they are life changing. Even though it's a cliche! |
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Warrior Mom
Posts: 4400
| I just read about a scary thing happening on YouTube. My kids dont have access to the internet at my home, we dont even own a computer . I do everything from my phone, but apparently there is a YouTube channel that supposed to be geared towards small children, they can watch cartoons or games, whatever. The woman said her 4 yr old was happily watching a video on YouTube and another screen opened up and it was a man explaining how to kill yourself! It said cut this way for attention or cut this way to get the real results, it was a detailed video on how to cut yourself! Now I dont know if that's completely true or not because I just saw it today being passed around on Facebook warning parents of this YouTube. Crazy crazy world.. kids do not belong on the internet unsupervised at least, there are too many sick and twisted individuals out there preying on our children and it's gotten way too easy for them with all the social media, online video gaming etc etc... |
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Member
Posts: 14
| Absolutely!
We had a company coming to school and explaining that YouTube for Kids is not safe at all and stuff like that happens!
They also warned us about things like geo-location tracking for most messaging apps (like SnapChat) which by default show your location to all contacts.
That means if you have a kid and they have an app (hundreds of them are available out there with geo locating on) anyone who can get into their circle of friends automatically knows where they are!
The professionals explained that why controlling access is important it's more about educating them and spending the time discussing this stuff. Teaching them being safe online and explaining why it's important.
What I see over and over (and I am an example of this myself) is that our busy lives don't leave any time to deal with that. That is until we decide to change something and find time for things and people that truly matter.
Edited by RomanK 2019-02-16 3:19 PM
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A Somebody to Everybody
Posts: 41354
Location: Under The Big Sky Of Texas | RomanK - 2019-02-16 2:29 PM Southtxponygirl - 2019-02-16 10:42 AM I'm pretty sure that RomanK is a spam bot.. I am sorry I made you feel I am a spam bot. This is a real problem and I applaud all these comments and efforts of others. I am learning and this is great.
I'm sorry I called you a spam bot, its just that your grammar is so correct and you would have links in your posts like a spam bot, lol..
Are you a school teacher? Since you are always listing a link to books. Just wondering.. |
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A Somebody to Everybody
Posts: 41354
Location: Under The Big Sky Of Texas | NJJ - 2019-02-16 12:52 PM Bear - 2019-02-16 11:00 AM Southtxponygirl - 2019-02-16 10:42 AM I'm pretty sure that RomanK is a spam bot.. Why do you say that Roxie? I don’t really care anyway. The topic is worthy of discussion. Nobody can argue that.
obesity in children
lack of social skills
lack of respect for others
lack of empathy
lack of discipline
LOL, a book salesmen or a teacher with correct grammar comes to mind...  |
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Member
Posts: 14
| No, not a teacher. But yes, I have to admit I have learnt so much from books, I have become addicted with passing my knowledge on.
I don't know, it's just that the more I learn, the more I want to share. I don't want to waste my time and die with my song unsung (I already referred to the Top 5 Regrets Of The Dying in a different post :-)
If you read that one you will never want to waste another day of your life, I promise - but it's a hard and every emotional read.
The last time I cried was maybe 15 years ago. The other day I was travelling on the train and I was just crying for the first time in many years. You know how some people laugh as they scroll their smart phones? I was doing the opposite, I was crying! Wonder if people on the train were concerned :-) ).
I just see so many people struggling in life for no reason, paying attention to things that don't really matter, etc.
Edited by RomanK 2019-02-16 3:58 PM
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 705
Location: Weatherford, TX | I don’t have kids. However, I have wondered about this phenomenon with ‘mass shootings’ since Columbine in 1999. Most mass shooters (except Las Vegas) have been committed by ‘kids’ between 18-28.
Now, when I went to high school, we had kids with gun racks and guns in them. Nobody shot up anyone or a school.
I was around guns since I can remember and did not touch them. We just knew they were not to be played with.
What has changed? Why should all guns or certain guns be removed from society? That will not stop the lack of empathy for others or human life. It is a societal issue.
Edited by Gator Bug 2019-02-16 5:38 PM
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Fact Checker
Posts: 16572
Location: Displaced Iowegian | Gator Bug - 2019-02-16 4:09 PM I don’t have kids. However, I have wondered about this phenomenon with ‘mass shootings’ since Columbine in 1999. Most mass shooters (except Las Vegas) have been committed by ‘kids’ between 18-28.
Now, when I went to high school, we had kids with gun racks and guns in them. Nobody shot up anyone or a school.
I was around guns since I can remember and did not touch them. We just knew they were not to be played with.
What has changed? Why should all guns or certain guns be removed from society? That will not stop the lack of empathy for others or human life. It is a societal issue. Personally, I think that the violent video games teach children a lack of respect for guns or empathy for those killed .....in the game, it is just kill...kill...kill .....Additionally, with all of the electronic devices and "Apps" it is so much easier to bully a young child and easy for others to join in on the bullying ..... Back in the day, you had to walk up to the person to bully them and take the chance of getting your nose broke or butt whipped ... LOL
Edited by NJJ 2019-02-16 5:42 PM
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BHW Resident Surgeon
Posts: 25351
Location: Bastrop, Texas | It really is a great topic, in my opinion. I think technology in this area has advanced so rapidly that humanity hasn’t been able to take full measure of the unintended consequences. It exploded into our lives and it ended up overwhelming us. I don’t think very many people on BHW feel comfortable discussing this......just like an alcoholic or addict avoids talking about chemical dependency.
Finally, it looks like this “syndrome” is being studied and written about.
Drug addiction means being enslaved and being powerless to stop using, despite the lousy cost/benefit ratio of no longer getting much pleasure from the drug while suffering much harm from it. “Internet addiction” or “video game addiction” is very similar. Lots of us are furiously checking emails of Facebook in restaurants, in the barn, on our horse, on the toilet, and even over dinner. Even in the middle of the night, and first thing in the morning, we feel lost when temporarily separated from our electronic friends, and spend every spare minute googling, texting, or playing games. But does this really qualify us as addicts? Maybe not.....unless our attachment is compulsive and without reward or usefulness; interferes with participation and success in real life; and causes significant distress or impairment, sometimes in our friendships or marriages. For many kids, especially, their universe depends on a device.
For most of us, the tie to the internet, however powerful and consuming, brings much more pleasure or productivity than pain and impairment. This is more love affair and/or tool using than enslavement and is probably not a mental disorder. It would be silly to define as psychiatric illness behavior that which has now become so much a necessary part of everyone’s daily life and work. However I think there is a line you can cross, beyond which it becomes a real mental illness. Whether or not internet addiction is ever recognized as a mental disorder in the future remains to be seen, but I think it will. I definitely think kids are vulnerable much more than adults, particularly when their parents themselves are too consumed in their own cyber/device obsession to even notice.
Personally, my opinion is that this plays a big role in suicide and gun violence. |
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Miracle in the Making
Posts: 4013
| i see my grandson 2 years placing with it absorbed ijn it but he is also outdoors rides his pony all boy i know tv was not much at our house when he grew up chorse work .. but i really think thats why so many kids are called all these things and given drugs they can not run that excess engry off and parents don/t or cant deal with but also pretty dang scary out there now |
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 612
| I have a 12 year old son. It is a fight sometimes to limit his game time. He is a better kid if he spends more time outside. The good news for me is that he loves to rodeo so that gives him a reason to be outside. I read his text messages from his friends on a regular basis. The bottom line is that you have to be an active parent. You can't take the easy route and use video games and television as a babysitter. You have to be involved. |
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Location: Not Where I Want to Be | RomanK - 2019-02-16 3:34 PM Bear - 2019-02-16 12:30 PM I think a lot of us shy away from looking at this problem for obvious reasons. If we are honest with ourselves, we have to admit that we are all internet/electronic device addicts to varying degrees. I’ve cut down a lot, but I think I waste too much time on social media. I don’t play video games, thank God. I think social media is the centerpiece off too many lives. Fortunately a lot of us recognize it and are making adjustments, but some people live for it. It is both a blessing and a curse. I think a lot of young people lose their lives because of devices, games, and social media, either as a direct result or as a victim. Painful truth. I totally agree. It even affects adults with divorce rates on the rise. Here is an extract from an online article I found: In fact, Fortnite is so popular it's becoming kind of a problem for some gamers. One online divorce specialist service says that Fortnite was the reason behind about 4,500 divorces a year. And some health experts have said that Fortnite is as addictive as heroin. Source: https://sciencing.com/this-is-why-fortnite-is-so-addictive-13715436....
I need to get better herione then |
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BHW Resident Surgeon
Posts: 25351
Location: Bastrop, Texas | I’ve never heard of “Fortnight”, except when I lived in England, where a “ fortnight “ simply means “2 weeks”. |
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 Elite Veteran
Posts: 1100
Location: Southeastern Idaho | The rule in our house was an equal time spent off the games as on, with a 2 hour limit at one sitting. Even in the winter. You need to be diligent in this and set a timer so they can see it. A lot of whining at first but that goes away quickly as long as you don't negotiate more time! As my mother always said, you don't negotiate with terrorists and teenagers. :) No mature rated games were allowed in the house and no online gaming. |
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Video Game Addiction In Kids. Solutions?