Just wondering how everyone splits their time with family, work, and horses? I have been struggling with this the last year or so, and not happy where I am at. I work a full time stressful office job 40+ hours a week and take in 2-3 horses a year plus my own, which is usually 5-6 needing worked. Also make time for our 6yo (human kid) to ride and play/keep him entertained. Plus all the housework, cooking, laundry, etc. but not going there right now.

I don’t think my husband fully comprehends how much time is needed to work these horses. I think he seriously expects an hour or so after work, and if it goes past that he is craaaaby. He has horses of his own, but of course is always asking me to tune on them or exercise them because it’s boring. He does help around the place while I work the horses and does all of our yard work and I appreciate everything he does and tell him how nice it looks/great job/etc. Any fencing/tractor/haying work – if we are not doing it together it’s not fair (not my words) and he throws a fit that he has to “do it all”. I seriously feel like I have TWO kids.

I really feel like I am losing ground with my horses so, this year I am hoping to not have to take in any outside horses, focus on my own, and sell 2-3 to cut down my numbers. I just get so frustrated because he tells me that I am wasting my time working these horses when I should be doing _______, or I should be riding _____ not ____ etc. He thinks that until I get a check for them and then, oh yeah he’s all in!

I hate arguing, so I usually just acknowledge whatever he’s saying and keep doing what I am doing, but I know it’s taking a toll on my head/heart and horses. I know if it ever ‘came down to it’ what would stay and who would go, but I don’t want it to get there.. I am just really frustrated and feel like I am dealing with a grown child.

I feel your pain! I teach high school and coach tennis after school. I usually leave at 5:45AM and get home 6PM or little later. In winter I am always riding  and exercising my horses in the dark. LOL My family knows to leave me alone when its horse time. LOL  THey all like to go to the rodeos and have fun when they see me compete and win, but don't realize it takes time and effort to get to that point. :) 

 I also work a full time job and have two kids (2 & 8). My husband is not a horse person at all.... It's hard for me to get any ride time in during the week, I may get one or two 15 minute rides in. Just know you aren't alone and I feel your pain. I wish I had some insight for you.

I'd divorce him 

The problem: You are overwhelmed.

The solution: You need to simplify. 

My advice: When people simplify life they usually go too far at first.  Before you kick everybody to the curb, I'd suggest making small adjustments.  

Family should always come first, I say keep two or 3 of your own horses sell the rest, why do you take in horses to ride is it for extra money that you are needing? I would cut down on outside horses I would not take no more then 2 to work but since you say you dont have the time for your own I say stop taking in the outside horses and just enjoy your own.. Enjoy your child and husband. Does your husband work full time too? I say share the yard work and what ever needs to be done outside and house work.. Being married is a full time job too so help each other out.. And if his own horses need to be worked hes needs to ride his own..Sounds like this is a taking a toll on your marrige too, I would focus on my family right now, your kido is not going to be a six year old for ever when he grows up more then I say foucs on the horses and enjoy them.. 

From where I’m sitting, I’m guessing the horses are an excessive drain, in terms of time, labor, and money. It’s a common scenario, so you aren’t alone.  I’m willIng to bet that your husband does, in fact, “appreciate” how much time is needed to work your horses, not to mention the money drain......and therein lies the problem.

Your decision to sell a few and not take in outside horses sounds very sensible.

Maybe he does understand how much time the horses take, and he wants to have good horses too, but he’s just not willing to put the time in to them anymore, therefore doesn’t think I should either. He gets home from work and doesn’t want to do anything. I understand that, but then more falls on my shoulders. Also, he gets upset when his horse is fat and out of shape and not ready to go rope. Then it’s my fault for not focusing his horse(s). He says he doesn’t have time to work them, when in reality he does, but chooses not to. Sorry more venting! 

I take in outside horses to help cover some of the bigger projects we have; we recently bought a place, built a house, and have pens and sheds needing redone. 

I get that with my kiddo, since he is older he’s wanting to ride with me more and I really want to focus on having fun with him :)

good deal Befor you know it he'll be a teenager and want to hang out with his friends and then all of a sudden hes married with his own family, so glad that you are doing things with him.. Because time does really fly when you have kids.. In a blink of an eye they are grown men doing their own thing

I'm sure your ride time with your little one brings some peace and fun to what can be chaotic at times.   I hope you get it figured out and things calm back down soon.  Hugs

My baby will be 21 in 12 days. . . Lord time does fly 

I wish I had a answer for you but I’m in this same boat my self. My husband told me 2 nights ago that my horses were “a burden” to our family. Family meaning him. We don’t have kids yet. We share our funds but he has never ONCE had to pay for anything horse related out of his own funds. He just gets jealous of anyone or anything that keeps me from being stuck up his a$$ 24/7. So I’m wondering if your husband is the same way. If he’s getting jealous of a lot of your time spent working and with horses instead of with him. 

Honest question here- how much time do you spend with your horses vs. how much QUALITY time with your husband? 

I was a stay at home mom and my husband understood that I needed a break from the kids and they needed a break from me when they were too young for school. So I took 1 - 2 hours most evenings to ride and feed my horses when he wasn’t working overtime. I had dinner ready when he got home so he fed the kids and played with them and then l did the bedtime routine while he relaxed. I had a hard bedtime for the kids so me and hubs could have us time, too. 

It is a myth that we 'can have it all'.  No - there are only so many hours in a day.  I agree with others that family is imporant -- raising a decent, productive human being is really important as is having a solid, supportive marriage.   You can hire help, i.e. someone to do your housework and perhaps prepare dinner 2 or 3 times a week to free up some riding time for the outside horses, or you can scale back the horses -- in order to find some balance.  Personally, I scaled way back with horses years ago when I married and became insta-mom to two young boys. As someone else said -- time flies and they will be grown and gone quickly.  True.  I kept a couple of personal horses around, but did not go and ride much.  Once the boys were grown I jumped back in with both feet.  I have no regrets.  Today, I still place time with my husband as extremely important -- and he knows he is always more important to me than the horsees (although he says with a smile he doesn't believe it LOL). Good luck and hugs to you -- it says alot that you are thoughtfully trying to think this through and find the balance. 

No advice, just a big hug! 

You are not alone.  Just once, I'd like to hear, "You do what you need to at the barn... take your time, I got this."  Or, maybe even, "Do you need any help?"

Maybe then, I could have nights where I just feed horses then spend hours with him.  Instead, it has to be a stolen hour every night and I'm always rushed.

My husband thinks "alright...  hurry up."   is saying the same thing.  :/

the way it sounds you're better off than some that have responded here....you have a hubby that rides.  You need to speak up, until you do, you will always feel like the door mat.  WHY isn't he riding/excercizing his own?  REALLY think about that......you may find the answer to a lot of the isssues you are having......While finding time together, finding time for yourself is important too, BUT the kids are the most important short term part of your life-take care of him, like one of the others said, it won't be long and they will be off on their own.  There is nothing wrong with having some things slip, or hiring things to be done.  If you're not simplifiying your life-you will probably go off the deep end soon.  I think many of us have been there.  It's a lot of work to come out the other side with your sanity intact.

I share some of your frustrations. I work full time and have a side gig that I tend to in the evenings, as well as a 4 year old daughter. I do all of the house chores as well. When I clock out at my day job, that is only part of the equation. My husband works hard, but when his day is done, its done. I REALLY want to have some time for my horses so I have decided to do one of the following or a combination of one or more:

Slack off some on the side gig

Hire someone to come clean for me a couple times per month

Work out a schedule with the hubby for him to watch the little one while I ride