I'm in my early 30s never been married and have been dating this guy for 8 months. He is NOT a horse person, they make him nervous. The first time he ever rode a horse I put him on my 30 year old gelding in the round pen walking around and he didnt hate it but I wouldnt say he enjoyed it either. Long story short I just bought a 3 year old (bumping my horse count up to 2) I plan on riding through the winter and have him ready to start hauling about this time next year. I'M SO EXCITED!!! Boyfriend is not thrilled at all. He is worried I will get hurt, spend a lot of time away from him while I'm at the barn (we do not live together and my horses are not at my house, I have to board them), start traveling to barrel races aka leavng him at home because he has a young daughter. He told me he will be able to make it to the barn some and to some barrel races but not all which I am totally ok with and understand. My question is....for those of you that are married and or dating a non-horse person, how do you deal? Part of me thinks it will just take some time of him being around the sport to get used to it, the other part of me thinks ths is the beginning of the end because non- horse people just dont understand that this is a lifestyle, passion, hobby, and a NON NEGOTIABLE thing. I've chosen boyfriend over horses before and will do it again if it comes to that. Any advice on this subject would be much appreciated!

My ex husband was a non horse person... to be fair that wasnt the only thing wrong with him tho. 

He never understood my time at the barn.. I boarded when we were married. It was always a problem if I wanted to go ride or go to the barn just to see my horse. Then when I started meeting people who shared my passion, it was a threat. We divorced. I'm remarried now to a team roper.. my biggest issue is having to let him use my horse lol! But I'd much rather have it this way. Not saying it cant work with a non horse person but they definitely need to be able to understand the passion and time that goes into our horses... if not... well... it probably wont work. 

Comimg from a person who was engaged to non-horse person and married a horse person, my experience says it won't work.

My experience being married to a non-horse person...the issues will only grow.  The horses are definitely a point on contention between us.  He most likely will not grow to love them but will resent them more.  I'm sure there are some men that grow to love or even like horses, but mine did not...

I'm married to a non horse personality  for 23 years. Works for us. I'm considerate not to go all the time. He's for it as long as he's doesn't have to go or do horse chores. He'll help me though, happy to watch videos and goes occasionally. Financially he doesn't care and has always been positive and supportive. He has hobbies too and that helps. Hope it works out for you!

Been married to a non horsey man going on 40 years this next May, he supports my horses all the way and my barrel racing when I was going full blast.. 

When I met my husband I was on a break from horses after being severly injured by one. I sometimes feel it was unfair to him since he didn't understand the horse-person mentality. But, he is totally an animal person. He bonded with my first born of my breeding program to the point of making that horse a dog. And that was ok! Over the years as things grew and I started competing there were times of some stress. But he has adjusted and now he enjoys his weekends while I am gone. Once you've been married (or bonded) for almost three decades away time is a good thing.

In your situation it will matter on how much he values you as your own person. If he respects that you will do your own thing at times but be home for him at others then it will work out. If he thinks he owns all your time and attention then I feel for you. I left dudes for horses when I was young - and I'd leave my marriage if he decided to make it an ultimatum. Horse people need horses in their lives!!

Good luck, and I'll hope he finds a way to share you with your horsiness.

Knowing him, this is my biggest fear. If I'm not at work he wants me to be with him and his daughter at his house. I get crap if I tell him I'm not coming over after work because I have other things to do like run errands or go to the barn, he gets snippy and says I dont make enough time for him because I already have so many things going on. To be fair, I told him all of this BEFORE we started dating and he seemed fine with it and supportive. Now, the horse I just bought is not even here yet and he got snippy that I went to the feed store and then the barn to prep for the new arrival (AGAIN.. SO EXCITED!!, lol), then stopped at the local watering hole for a couple drinks and dinner then, since it was late I just went to my house after that last night. This morning he made a comment that he probably wont see me again tonight because I'll have more "errands" to run.. as he put it. 

It can be a challenge, and it can work, but just don't expect the same level of enthusiasm that you have for it. Best thing is to fully communicate about it and make sure you are both on the same page. If he doesn't like it, then you go from there. He can either lump it or man up and be supportive and respectful. Of course, being respectful of him and the fact he's less than comfortable around horses is a big thing too. But mostly just communicate is the best thing, if you are both committed (for lack of a better word) and willing to work together, you can make it work.

ETA: Just read your last post, there has to be a balance, but that is a little bit controlling, IMO. He needs to chill out and understand. He's acting like a spoiled kid who isn't getting his own way. 

Horse person or not, he should be supportive of what makes you happy and what you're passionate about. If he doesn't now, I wouldn't expect him to later.

I don't know him...or you, or the situation. But from what you told me, this man sounds VERY controlling. I have only ever dated one horsey guy, and that was my worst relationship. But it had nothing to do with the liking horses part. I don't think it matters if you are with someone who is a horse person or not. The only thing that matters is how they treat you, respect you and how you get along...and vice versa. You guys have only been together 8 months, and he is already bringing up scenarios that havent even happened yet. At 8 months, and not living together, you shouldn't even have these kinds of ssues...things aren;t going to get better. They only get worse. The biggest mistake I see is people thinking their SO will change. Your SO should never hold you back, they should be your wings. They should want you to succeed, whether its horses, your career, or another passion. He does not sound like a good fit for you...but again, I do not know either of you. Just for me, I don't care if my SO likes horses or not. Because if he is controlling about that, he will be that way with everything else as well. 

Agree, 100%. He's going to act this way regardless of what your hobby is. It's not about the horses, it's about him wanting all of your free time and wanting to be the center of your world. Just from the little bit you've said here, I REALLY don't like where this relationship is headed. He's going to constantly make you feel bad about wanting to do things that don't involve him, horses or otherwise.

I'm married to a non-horse person. He had a family member get seriously injured in a horse-related accident when he was young, so has a very jaded opinion of them. I can count on one hand the number of times he's been on a horse since we've been together (10 years). He knew when we started dating how important horses were to me and how much of a time committment they are, so even if he got a little jealous of me spending more time with them than him, he never pressured me to quit. I did adjust how much time I spent outside so that I wasn't completely ignoring him. Not gonna lie, some times were tougher than others, but overall it really hasn't been that big of a deal because the horses are completely my thing and I am 100% responsible for them.

There for a while I was going to barrel races at least once or twice a week and riding a lot during the week, but at that point, we'd been together long enough that he actually enjoyed his "me time" and probably even looked forward to me being out of the house, lol.

Over the past couple of years my riding has been virtually non-existent. No particular reason, I've just lost all drive and motiviation and have been putting my attention elsewhere. I still have my horses and all my tack/trailer, etc, but my interaction with them consists of feeding them and basic maintenance, and that's it. I've always said that horses were my LIFE and I would NEVER not have them. Well now I'm thinking that not having horses at all wouldn't be so terrible. So just because you're deep into horses now, doesn't mean you will be for the rest of your life, even if you truly think you will be. The point of me mentioning that is because being with a non-horsey person right now may seem like a bummer, but down the road it may be completely moot.

However, I think this relationship has much bigger issues than just your boyfriend not being into horses. Replace horses with golf, your friends, arts and crafts, cycling, karate, (you get the point), and you're still going to have the jealousy/guilt trip issues that you have now. You either nip it in the bud right now, or you seriously need to consider moving on and finding someone who will support you and be ok with whatever it is you choose to do. You should NEVER feel guilty for spending time on something you're passionate about.

Thank y'all for the advice. It really opened my eyes as to what is really going on, horse related or not. I feel like I'm in "trouble" if I am not there or doing things unrelated to him which certainly is not fair. I guess I really need to consider these red flags now before it gets out of control. I have a demanding job, horses, and other hobbies so at this point I think most of you are sayng RUN whether he is a horse person or not, lol. I love this board, always very helpful to get outside eyes on a situation horse related or not. HUGS and THANK YOU to everyone that has responded!! 

I am married to a non-horse person going on 4 years now. Been together 12 in total. For us it has worked great. However, we have great communication and full trust in each other. We trusted each other going to different colleges. We have great communication when we do not get to see each other all weekend. On that note I am not a professional barrel racer, just a weekend warrior. So, we still see each all week, do a lot of other things like talk about work, go fishing, hang out with friends, farm, etc all together yet. I have my hobby of barrel racing and he has his hobby of hunting. We each have our own thing but we still spend plenty of time together. As long as there is good communication and both are willing to negotiate on things and not be controlling. I have skipped a barrel race before because of a hunting banquet and he has skipped hunting before to help drive me to a rodeo. Neither would hold resentment. The thing with dating a non-horse person, is be very upfront about the cost of horses. If my husband didn’t have a hobby of hunting and fishing that can cost a lot, he would go crazy seeing the amount of money I spend on horse stuff. My husband is very supportive of me and my barrel racing hobby, as I am supportive of him. Always says he is proud to see me improve and do well. He also likes that I am not the stay in the house, have to have him home type of woman.  It defiantly balances in our house. My husband will not ride a horse, but he certainly likes to pet them and give them treats ?? just like I cannot bring myself to shoot an animal but I will let him hang them on our wall! Best of luck to you! One thing that helped us, write down future goals for each of you, see if they line up, they should be close. Also, the book, The Five Love Languages, has helped us a lot when we do not get to see each other a ton during our busy times.

I highlighted the lines that would make me run and move on.  Been there done that.  Mine was a roper, but if I wasn't "underfoot" or in sight then he was worried.  The occassional girls night out for dinner / drinks were timed and questioned if it ran late.  I won't ever do that type of relationship again.  If you can't trust me then it won't ever work as I refuse to "check-in" and update my every step.  Heck mine called me three times once on the way home from a barrel race ( I had horses in the trailer)....  First call ... I was loading horses; Second call ... I was pulling out the drive and the third call ... I was half way home.  This was in the span of approximately 40 minutes.  My response on his third call was... maybe LOL.  Lets say it wasn't a good night at home.  He was always worried about "other guys" cause he knew what they were thinking.  I told him he had to trust me and that I wasn't interested in "other guys".  Bottom line is the problem was him and control issues.  

Yep... to the above... what you said.

It is really not about the horses...he is really showing you other ‘red flags’ to a future long term relationship and/or marriage.

As my Mom always said... ‘men on their very best behavior when they are dating you. If you see some ‘off’ things at that time, those ‘off’ things only get worse’.

You have a lot of common sense...so listen to it.

I think people have called attention to some red flags and it sounds like you’re taking those into consideration.

Ive been there dating those guys, and I couldn’t be happier that I married a horse guy including moving to his farm and training setup.

I do feel that it can work - but imo the non-equine partner needs to have a hobby of their own that is their thing.  Something that he has a passion for that he does without you most of the time.  Some people have horses, some people spend hours wrenching on old cars, or working out, or volunteering.  Something that ignites the same passion in them that horses ignite in us.  That why there is a level of understanding that I think is hard for people without a passion to understand.

So, to what everybody else said, WORD. That's a big red flag especially if you're newly dating. My husband will say things like that sometimes, that he'll never see me again because I'm off playing pony, but we've been together a long time and I can tell when he's joking and when he's serious. When we were dating back in the Ice Age, my horse obligations came first without question. And he dealt with it because I'm a smokin' hot catch.

For us, it works because my non-horse husband ultimately wants me to be happy. And horses,competing, and the barn makes me happy. It's a no brainer for him. The horses are my thing and he's perfectly content to stay home with his dog. He fixes the things I break, maintains my rig, watches my videos when I get home and tells me I did awesome even if I hit every barrel and the trash can in the parking lot. He's my biggest fan and I'd be huddled up in a corner somewhere without him. 

I do try to be conscientious of his needs and do the good wife thing. I very rarely go more than one day a weekend, spend the "off" day with him, and one night a week is date night even if it's only takeout and Jeopardy on the couch. 

This post makes me think there are already issues and they have nothing to really do with horses... 

I was with and engaged to a non horse person. At first it was cool, he came to races and took pictures. It worked but as time wore on, it didnt. It went as far as him getting his dad to start giving me grief about them. Basically telling me I didnt need them, I wasnt a good owner and I was never going anywhere with them. Thats 1 of several reasons I left him. That and he got physically abusive. 
Now the guy I am married to wasnt into horses until we got together but he was willing to learn and loved them. We rode 4-5 days a week. Until we got married. 6 years ago. I think I can count on both hands and feet how many times he's been on a horse since we said I do 6.5 years ago. Even got him a mare at christmas. He's been on her once. Shes now my project Ive put on the pattern. BUT he is supportive. He goes to almost every race. Videos, holds horses, drives, carries water. You name it, he does it. I do get frustrated when he wont ride. But Ive come to accept the fact, thats just the way it is now. So I spend my time with the horses and then time with him. Our vacations have revolved around barrel races. Theres nothing more fun than spending 3-4 days at an arena right? He supports me and my dreams 150% and pushes me when I need it. 
Find someone who supports you. If your bf is like you described, run dont walk. I PROMISE it wont get better. Find a man that wants to see you be your best, be happy and most of all supports you. 

OH OH. Horses may not be the issue.   His attitude is a concern to me.  

Reading all of your responses it sounds like you are a very independent woman (which I admire). You have your life/job and take care of your horses on your own. The person you are dating seems to want you to change everything and be with him 24/7. While I think he deserves a portion of your time, this is your lifestyle. He should come meet you and maybe help you do a few things at the barn if he wants to spend time with you so bad. He should be involved with the things you like to do as well. He sounds like he may be a little clingy/jealous. I get it is hard for non horse people to understand, but if he is unwilling to compromise then.....you may re evaluate :). 

I was engaged to a non horse person before I met and married my very much horse person husband. The previous fiancee was supportive of my lifestyle. I taught him to ride and all of that and it was do able...      but the man I  married  can out ride and out horse me any day of the week, and something about that I find super attractive! LOL.   Had I married guy number 1, my child would probably be getting ready to start playing T ball. Instead, she has been practicing all week to enter her first jackpot. For me, I made the best choice for the life that most suits me..and that is with someone as equally or more horse person than I am. :)

I hate to say this but going on what you have tolded this board about him, well he sounds like hes emotionally immature.

I would part ways. There is no way he's going to change if he feels this way now. You guys arent even living together..could you imagine how worse it would be if you did? 

You don't want to be tip toeing around him, and it sounds like you already feel like to have to in a way. It's not going to get any better. 

My husband had lots of horses growing up, and we have one right now. He doesn't ride anymore (he likes to cool our horse out after I make a run)..but he is very supportive. Comes to quite a bit of the races I go to, is financially supportive, and loves to hear about my day with our horse, and how his training is going. If he can't go to a barrel race, he is texting me and calling to see how it went, etc.

I don't want to walk on egghsells. 

I havent read all the posts and disclaimer, I am single at 30.

I have a lot of friends with non-horse men, i do think it can work but I do think its CRUCIAL for them to have a hobby too. I dont think they understand passion and dedication like horse folks if they dont have that to some degree... whether it is hunting, fishing, sports, etc.

I also have dated guys and explained my horse habit and they claim to understand and also claim to love independent women until they actually date one, i think the idea of one is appealing. A man has to be super secure to let us do what we love IMO.

From your posts, he sounds much too needy, i think a hard conversation needs to had about your lifestyle and his expectations, see if they work together.

From what you stated in this post I'd say the writing is on the wall.  He isn't going to like you having a life that doesn't center around him and his daughter.  Move on before you become to vested in him

How old is his daughter,and is her mother in the picture at all with her?

I was wondering the same thing

Run away fast. VERY fast! 

She is 13 months. Mother passed away from childbirth complications. Very sad. 

Oh my gosh how horrible for the daddy and baby, this man has his plate full..

I'm trying to give him the benefit of the doubt since he has been through so much but as the poster above said.. I walk on eggshells.

I think you're a good person for trying so hard, but sometimes its not in the cards. Hugs to ya

Thank you to you and everyone else that's given me their opinions. I obviously have a lot to think about. 

I apologize that I haven't read all the replies. But. I've been with my non horsey husband for more than a decade now. At first he tried to get into it but that was definitely during the honeymoon phase. Now he doesn't want to come to races, hang out at the barn, ride, etc. And I'm totally and completely ok with it. He feeds 3 mornings a week bc I'm going to work those mornings too and I have kids to shuffle around, he fed for months while I was in the midst of post partum depression with both kids. It was all I could do to get to the barn during that time just to brush them and check them over daily. So he's definitely stepped up when I needed him. I get my ride time in without my kids bc he readily takes them. He has his own stuff he's into (guns, cows, a good cigar) and we do just fine each having our own interests and just enjoying our mutual interests together instead of forcing eachother to like things we are just not into. 

As long as I work part time to help pay for my very expensive hobby and feed most of the time, he's willing to hang out with the kids regularly while I go to a race or ride. It works. I guess long story short I realized a long time ago I couldn't make him love it and he realized it was my lifestyle and it works out really well that he's not into it but is supportive and I still get to be a little weekend warrior. He has no idea what he's watching on videos of my runs so there's never any criticism or unsolicited advice, if I come home with a smile on my face he's glad I had a nice time. That part is nice. 

Hopefully y'all will find that happy medium too :)

I've been with my non horsey guy for 20 years. He cares absolutly zero about them. Doesn't ride. Doesn't care if I have zero or 50. We have a deal. I don't have to get in the deer stand/bass boat and he doesn't have to go to shows. As long as what he catches has fur,feathers or scales, and all my studs are 4 legged - we are good. It all boils down to the fact that we want each other to be happy and understand that what makes us happy seperatly doesn't take away from our happiness together - it actually enhances it. I know he loves me just as i am- just as he knows the same. Sometimes he tells me "You really need to go to the barn".  He does help on the farm- fencing, mowing, feeding if I'm out of town, and he even helps unload hay (he doesn't mind a bit since I fould a supplier that bands it and he can unload with the tractor).  I watch fishing shows and go to Bass Pro Shop to spend time with him. I don't mind going in the woods with him, but I don't hunt. I want him to go on the guys trips. I think we both appreciate the freedoms we have. His generosity and understanding make me want to be around him more. Are we perfect? Lord no- we are human. But as long as at the core we support/ attempt to understand what the other enjoys- we are good..   I think that at the root of the issue- its not about the horses. It's about the kind of relationship you have. 

A 13 month old baby,baby's mom died,I highly doubt this single father has time to think about much,besides trying his best with his baby.

I think for the fathers sake,and the baby girl,you should walk away.The longer you stay,the more it will hurt the baby when you do leave. I can't even imagine what his emotions are going through.Selfish?? Maybe,but I believe he could be selfish for all the right reasons,like his baby girl perhaps?

I have not read all the replies.....My current husband is not necessarily a horse person but he is an animal lover. I made it perfectly clear to him when we first met (this is my second marriage) that my horses took up a lot of my time and he needed to be ok with that. Early on he went almost everywhere with me. Now, almost 14 years later, he is still very supportive but he doesn't come along. He never gets angry because I spend alot of time with my horses. I do, however, make an effort at least one weekday to just feed and go home (I do self care boarding) so I can spend some time with him.

I've been married to a non-horse guy for 14 years.  We do have separate accounts, so that helps. lol  But he doesn't travel with me, he doesn't do chores, but also doesn't get grumpy when I have to do those things, or buy stuff (but he does ask how many saddles, bits, etc, do 2 horses need! )   But he does his thing when I'm barrel racing and doesn't get too worked up about it.  He also doesn't get worked up when I have to go give equine massages (2nd business).  I told my husband on our first date almost 18 years ago that my horses were #1.  He understood that, although sometimes I don't think he believed me...but he learned. lol 

That being said, your fellow sounds like he wants to be pretty controlling.  I wonder if it's not because he just wants someone to wait on him hand and foot and take care of the kid so he doesn't have to.  He doesn't sound like he's real nice about making you feel bad about doing the one thing you love either.   The fear part may be genuine for himself, but he's trying to use it on you to make you change your mind about horses.  

I'd move on. There are many more fish out there that are supportive and nice. 

Edit to add, I didn't read far enough to see he had a 13mo and a dead SO.  That's very, very sad, but I'm guessing what I stated was true, he wants help caring for a baby.  He also probably has an innate fear of losing another SO to an accident.  So while leaving may be hard, I would...or enter into counseling with him so that he gets some help dealing with his life situation. 

Move on Sister.  Too many red flags.  He will not support your passion, in the end you dont want to hear "Its me or the horses"  My Ex said that to me.  Notice I said "EX" lesson learned.  When you find the right guy you wont have the red flags.  Horsey person or not.  

This guy has sent up some red flags.  If you stay, expect your life to change and not in a good way.  I don't think it has anything to do with him being a horse person or a not..... the signs of being a controller are what would spook me. I'd spin around, kick up my heels and run toward new country.

People don't change. In fact, most issues that are there in the beginning, just get worse. 

My husband was very non-horsey... but he appreciated my passion for them and is now my biggest supporter... Just as I’m not huge into off-road sports, but I support him in what he loves as well. I couldn’t imagine being with someone who had a negative outlook on something I loved.

10 years worth of fights about me loving the horses more than him. I had horses when we got married. He grew up on a farm and had horses, but was never competitive on them. We rode together when we were dating then decidied he was done with horses and i should be too. So many tears, fights and ultimatiums. Guess who i still have and who is gone? Do not compromise yourself. I almost did and just never could quite bring myself to sell them even though I had quit racing and riding much it still didn't stop the fights. It was never enough, because the horses were always brought up about why I didn't clean house enough, spend enough time with him, spent too much money and just on and on. 

This!!!

My husband isn’t a horse person and my friends’ husbands are not either. Really it shouldn’t even be a factor. 

I'm married to a non-horse person. He's always been extremely supportive of my horse addiction. I, in turn, am supportive of his hunting addiction! We have a good "arrangement" where he handles the kiddos during the summer when I'm out barrel racing, and then I take charge during hunting season. Then we each get our alone time with our hobby. However, as the kids grow up (they are very little right now) , they'll start coming with to these things and it will be more a family affair! Hubby knows he is welcome to come ride whenever he wants or come along to my shows (before kids, he came along once in a while), but I obviously know it's not something he has a passion for and that is okay with me if he isn't interested in it. (Same goes for me with hunting! I don't mind some things, but it;s too boring for me, LOL)

I think the big different in your situation, which you seem to realize, is he is NOT currently supportive. If he's that way now, to NOT expect that to change when you are married. I understand he's gone through a lot, but YOU MATTER TOO. If you are uncomfortable, or feel pressured, or made to feel guilty, that's not good either. You shouldn't have to walk on eggshells. A relationship is a two-way street. You both matter. It has to work for both of you.

Yes! You are so right! He has been through a lot, but he is not more important in the relationship than she is. I hope she does not feel sorry for him and stay. 

This guy probably shouldn't be dating anybody right now. My first thought was he's super controlling and you should run but who knows if he really is or not. He has been through a trauma and gained a life to take care of in the process. Being a new parent is hard enough without that happening at the same time. His head is not where it should be at all. He should probably be in counseling. However, that does not mean that you should tolerate the way he is treatinig you which is the beginning stages of emotional abuse.

I feel so sorry for the young man and his daughter, and I agree that maybe he should take more time before being in a serious relationship.   To the OP, take some time away to see if this is really what you want.   I think being non-horsey isn't the issue.    I hope you make the decision that works best for you---and congratulations on your new horse

Ok after the new details you have shed light on: This man has a void in his heart, an emptiness that obviously would occur when losing your sig other especially this way. He is most likely subconsciously trying to fill that emptiness with the relationship you now share. He is dependent on you to "be there" even more than you probably would be expected otherwise. You are his band-aid.  I feel TERRIBLE for him but also, you can not be expected to fix his heart or fill the void for him. I don't think anyone has asked but how do YOU feel about him? Do you love him? Can't live without him? See a future with him?  If yes, communicate your thoughts with him thouroughly and see if it helps. If not, you know what to do. I am sure it feels like a lot on your sholders because of what he has been through. Just know that it is ok to not bare that burden if your heart isnt in it.   

Now that I've gotten a chance to read all the replies, I've got to agree with a few others who say the issue here isn't that he is a non-horse person, I think the issue is either he's still dealing with a recent major loss, is a single parent, and maybe either controlling or seems controlling bc that's his way of dealing with the loss. 

Like someone else mentioned, kind of sounds like a band-aid over a wound that needs stitches. 

Best of luck to you. I think I'd have to insist on some distance at least while you sort out your thoughts. 

Expectations need to be set up front. I'm happily married to a "non" horse person. We've been together for 22 years. He knew horses were a priority in my life and that it wouldn't change based on my relationship status. He respects that and continues to support me to this day. And although he doesn't ride them, he's become more of a "horse person" now with handling them and helping me with anything I need.

I like the idea of him not being a horse person. He's not telling me what to do with them, how to ride them, or trying to ride them himself. They're MY horses!

With the baby only being 5 months old when you started dating him, well kinda seems to me not long enought to grive the lost of his wife and he's trying to replace her with you and wants to beable to control you some, this is just not a good sign at all, like I was saying you sure do sound like a good, kind and caring lady, but this relationship just move way to fast I'm thinking on his end. Hugs to you in what ever you decide

I feel the same way about not being married to a non horse man, I can do what I want without being tolded how to ride and what to do with my horses, LOL

Horses aside. He sounds like he's an emotional manipulator, codependent, and like he hasn't fully grieved. There are 5 stages to grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance. He may have some mild depression as well, but he definitely has not coped with his loss in a healthy manner. He needs to get his head straight first, and he may never be successful with that. Keep in mind though, it's not your job to fix him. And you can't fix him. Codependent individuals are extremely difficult to be in a relationship with and they are excellent manipulators. Had I not quickly read that his SO had previously passed I would have said he probably has borderline personality disorder. Which he still might... 

P.S.
All this info is coming from a psychiatric mental health nurse practitioner =)

Yes to all this! We've only had one sort of major disagreement over the years and that's because he thought I was feeding them too much hay one winter and needed to cut back *eyeroll.* I just said yeah? Call our vet and tell him how much I feed and come back and tell me who he agrees with. He did call the vet. And I never heard another word. Lol! Otherwise, I could ride like a drunken monkey and he'd never know any better. Lol! 

ha ha ha ha ha , I think thats just too funny, A drunken Monkey ha ha ha ha

Run.......

I'm married to a non-horse person.  We have been married for over 4 years and together for almost 10 years total.  He is SO supportive of me and my barrel racing!  He never gets upset when I go to barrel races or have to spend $$ on the horses for hay, shoeing, or unexpected vet bills.  I usually haul to barrel races with my mom, but if I'm hauling alone, he will happily go along so I don't have to haul alone.  He's never controlling about any of it and even calls my mare "our daughter."

It CAN work if both parties are trusting, understanding, supportive, and non-controlling.

Call Dr Laura she will give you the best advice and straighten out your

thought process! 1-800- DR- LAURA

Does this man have a strong support system from relatives/family or even the deceased wife's family?  I hope that he does.  Because he jumped into a serious relationship way too soon.  He hasn't dealt with the loss in a healthy way.  They need to help him see that.

He may have been just as controlling with the mother of the child...I don't guess you could know.  But whatever the answer there...you need to distance yourself.  It's not the fact that he is not into the horses.  If you can't even run errands or have any time to yourself it won't matter what your hobby is...he will expect you to replace it with whatever he wants you to be doing.  Which sounds like being attentive to HIS needs 24/7.  That's not an equal partnership and no one can be happy in that scenario for long.

It's unfortunate...but I would be taking a step back and telling him exactly why. 

Well after many conversations that seemed to go ok the #$^* hit the fan and it's over. He got better about not showing his irritation when I went to ride, but I could still tell he wasn't thrilled about it. The straw that broke the camel's back: I went out with some friends and decided not to go to his house afterwards. He sent a few texts about how he will never be first and I only want to be in a relationship "sometimes" because my other activities take prescedence over him. That's it. I'm not walking around every day worried about what I'm going to be in trouble for next. He broke up with me over text and said that it's for the best that we both move on and he wished me the best of luck. I did not respond. I'm sure he will call or text back and try to get me to feel guilty but it's not going to work AGAIN. I hope that someday we can be friends, but until then I will not be having any contact with him. Thank you everyone for the responses, it really gave me a lot to think about and the strength I needed to stay away. I almost do feel guilty becuase instead of heartbreak right now all I feel is relief. 

On another note, the 3 year old I bought is AMAZING and I love him so much. He's not as broke as I thought he was, still bucks in the lope on occasion but nothing crazy. Has a decent handle, but he will get better with that as I've only had him a couple weeks. I think he honestly just needs some wet saddle blankets. Any fun little exercise ideas y'all have that I can do with him to keep him from getting bored, please help! He will be my tall, dark, and handsome and not get jealous or clingy or mad when I can't make it out to the barn to go see him. 

So happy you are out of that toxic relationship! 

Good for you for standing up for your self, you are number 1 and it needs to stay that way untill you have your own kido's. This man is a bit of a control freak it sounds like and he only thinks of himself.

So glad to hear you've sorted this thing out and walked away...I don't think anything you did could have made him happy. I feel for him after he experienced such a loss, but sounds like he wasn't ready for a relationship yet. 

YOU though, you enjoy your 3 yr old!

Glad to hear, controlling is no way to live. Hugs to you.

Thanks for updating. Good for you. Sounds like you made the right choice for yourself. I hope he is able to find someone more suited for his lifestyle/expectations. Do you girl. Best of luck!

sorry, that was an accidentle click

I am married to a non-horse person, and personally I love it. He is interested in my horse world but he doesn't want to ride, and that's okay. He does worry about my safety, but I am super careful about what I throw my leg over, I always wear a helmet and safety does come first. I appreciate that he is concerned for my safety, because at the end of the night I want to come home to him safe and sound. 

If you ask me, based on your first post I would be concerned if this is the right person for you. My previous relationship I was in, the guy I was with was a horse person. Together at one point we have 7 horses together, and while it did make things a little easier when I went to barrel races, feeding, etc.. I also saw this person makes some stupid decisions with MY horses which caused them to get hurt (I watched him put my colt in a bad situation simply because he was showing off in front of his friends, my colt sliced his leg wide open on a bleacher, had to have stitches, antibiotics, whole nine yards.. could of been avoided. I sat there and watched the whole thing). He was not a great person. He was exceptionally proud and arrogant. I dated him for 3 years and after him, I know that I don't need my husband to be a horse person. Needless to say, I dodged a bullet. He was the only 'horse person' I ever dated.. and you know what, I don't need it. 

Horses are my sanctuary. That is my hobby and my personal time to myself. I don't force my husband to try and ride, if he ever tries it will be his decision. Also, he has a very important job, and if he gets injured then literally he would be screwed and would not be able to work.  He understands my passion and love for them, and he encourages me to go out to the barn even though I am always eager to come back home to spend time with my husband because I treasure our time together. I used to think horses were a non-negotiable thing until I met my husband.. and he may say that my horse comes before him and sometimes that is true, but if it came down to it, I'd sell my horse if I had to.. only because he would never ask that of me and he sacrificed a lot for  me to let me have this life and my appreciation goes a long way.

Finding the right person for you is what its all about.. once you meet that 'right' person, your whole view on life will change. Your priorities will change.  

ETA: Just saw your update. The fact that you felt relief once you ended the relationship says something. Glad you followed your gut, you don't need negativity like that in your life!

My other half is NOT a horse person at all. We have been together for 8 years and he has ridden with me 1 time since we started dating. I don't think your partner has to be a horse person BUT they need to support your passion. They don't have to ride with you, help you with chores every day, or go to every single race with you to support you but they need to be part of that support system. They are my horses and therefore my problem but he also understands that sometimes it would be nice for him to come to help me. Like I'll clean stalls while he fills buckets or something to take an item off the checklist, or when I'm feeling under the weather he will go feed for me (if the directions are on the whiteboard lol). He helps support me where he can best like dragging the arena, fixing things around the farm and he is what keeps our hay operation going. He is into drag racing and I think that makes a HUGE difference when they have a passion of their own.  You have to be willing to be a cheerleader and support their dreams too. We don't have the same main hobby but we both appreciate all the blood sweat and cuss words that go into them. I have dated non-horse guys before him that didn't get it because they didn't have their own competitive hobby. I know this might sound strange, but both of you should take the "love languages quiz" to help make sure all your needs are met. Quality time might be his so that is why he is fearful that you will spend more time at the barn and not much with him. However, this is a lifestyle that you had before him, if he can't handle it now, it will only get worse as time goes on. I dealt with that same thing in a previous relationship. 

EDIT: Just saw the update. Good for you! Boy BYE! 

I was going to respond but read through and saw that you have already taken care of the situation.

Good for you for not giving up your passion.  The right one will come along, don't give up on your passion.

My husband is a non-horse person but is the most supportive person. Initially he was hesistant around the horses now he will help where he can. He cleans a great stall, he can walk them to and from turn out, he will come to the races etc. He was a professional basketball player overseas so he understands the commitment to your sport so time spent is never an issue. He will even trail ride. So I don't think the issue is a "non" horse person as much as it is incompatibility. Some just don't understand, they aren't flexible and do not want to learn.