I know this might not exactly be the most proper place to discuss this issue that, for some reason, most people don't want to talk about. I have no where else to go though. I don't exactly have a lot of friends and family doesn't get it. 
Back story: my husband and I have been trying for over 2 years to have a baby. We've been to different doctors and done different tests with no real answers as to why. They can't find anything "wrong" with either one of us other than I do have pretty large ovarian cysts at times but they come and go. My favorite dr told me a few weeks ago that some times a woman just can't get pregnant and there's no rhym or reason for it. They just can't. I'm having a hard time understanding that. I'm like maybe there's another test or another drug or another anything that we haven't done. We chose from the beginning to go as far as we could without Invetro. We both agree that we didn't want to do that because in a way we feel like that would be us playing god. Maybe that's not true. I don't know but that's how we feel at this point. My husband says if god doesn't want us to have our own baby then he is fine with that. It doesn't bother him near as much as it does me or if it does he doesn't show it. I'm trying hard to come to terms with it but I can't. I feel broken. Like there is something is wrong with me. We are private pkeple and we have tried so hard to keep everything to our selves. The only people that know are my parents and my sister. It rips my heart out every time someone asks when we're going to have a baby. I want to scream. Scream that they don't know just how bad we want one but can't. My grandmother asks me all the time when we're going to have one. I haven't told her yet because I don't want her worrying about me. It's getting to where I don't know what to say. I want to be rude. I want them to feel my heart ache but I understnad they don't know what we're going through. I have a big family and it seems it's always someone wanting to know when we're having a baby. I literally don't know how to reply anymore. I love holidays and get togethers but I dread thanksgiving in a few weeks because I know that's something I'll be asked a lot. My husband tries to talk to me when I having a hard time and I'm grateful for that but at the same time I don't think he quite "gets" how I'm feeling. TMI maybe but I'm to the point now that all the thinking and stressing is starting to affect my cycle which is going to make things even harder. I don't know where to go, who to talk to or anything. We live in a rural area so there isn't any sort of support groups or anything of that sort that I can go to. I just know BHW has a huge forum of mostly women and maybe someone else knows what I'm going through. I feel alone but I know surely I can't be the only one. 

perhaps you have PCOS?If so,it may be the reason you are not getting pregnant.METFORMIN(medicine)can help tremendously.If you don't have good doctors,simply tell them them to prescribe it.I will also PM you,so check your messages.HUGS TO YOU

they did the blood test for PCOS at the beginning. The one dr I was seeing at the time said that was the problem but that my levels weren't high enough that she thought it needed treating. Fast forward and I mentioned it to my new dr who we love so much more and specializes in fertility issues. He looked at the results and he said if he really wanted to he could say I had PCOS but that my levels were just border line. He said he could be completely wrong but he didn't believe that was the cause of our issues. I go back to see him in a few weeks and I'm going to ask for the test to be ran again. 

Do you have any symptoms of gluten intolerance? 

I'm assuming they would prescribe metformin as those diagnosed with pcos are at risk for developing diabetes.....however, im not sure how it could potentially help with infertility? Maybe it does, but I've just never heard that

perhaps they would also dose Clomid at the same time.

yes. Probably close to 10 years ago.  I started having some stomach issues and they did some test and found out I had became lactose intolerant and gluten intolerance. I haven't brought it up the my current dr. I didn't know it could have something to do with it. 

Ah okay, I'm not an OB nurse so that side of things always has me stumped. Good to know, I learn things daily

I'm not a nurse either,lol,but we dealt with this in our immediate family,actually the metformin was prescribed alone,it was a very emotional rollercoaster,but all turned out great:) Just wanted to give a possible idea

Just want to wish the OP the best of luck and sending up prayers. . . 

I know of two women who were able to get pregnant after they cleaned up what they were eating. One went dairy free also, not sure what worked but it's worth a shot and cheaper than fertility treatments.  Hugs to you and your hubby, I'm sure it's hard dealing with everyone elses expectations on top of everything else.

Ditto!!! 

First off, sorry to hear all of this........it can be hearbreaking, but maybe there is a reason, one never knows is the problem.........But I will say this, why not adopt?  There are so many out there that no one seems to "want" and they just keep having them (it really disgusts me).  And me just being honest, I would not want to bring another child into the world we seem to live in today (and yes I have a teen).  This world is almost heartless anymore and no one seems to have any values, it is terrible.  But adopting a child would be my suggestion.

I have read stories about women going lactose free and getting pregnant:)

I just want to send you a big HUG

Have they evaluated your husband yet? 

we're in the process. Alabama requires parenting classes. They only offer the classes twice a year. The next session is in January. Once we finish those(there's 6) we do the home study then get put on the list and have to wait to be called with one. 

First of all, my heart aches for you and I will pray for you.

I don't believe invitro is playing God (Just like I don't think cloning is playing God but I don't necessarily believe we have a need for it either ha). I don't believe he would've given us the knowledge to use these resources if he didn't want us using them. I truly believe he uses circumstances to draw us closer to Him. I am also glad you are looking into adoption because that is maybe what he is saying to you - that you would make fabulous parents to a child even if it is not a biological child and you would be the absolute best blessing in their lives. Cling onto God and trust he is putting you down the path that is best for you. 

As far as answering your pushy relatives (whom of course mean well), I would just tell them "In Gods timing" - I feel if someone told me that I would connect the dots and understand they are probably trying but just havent gotten pregnant yet and back off. This way you don't have to go into detail about the struggle you've been having. 

Hang in there. It "only" took me 6 months to get pregnant with my second kiddo and the last few unsuccessful months were definitely scary and the thoughts and emotions that were consuming me were heartbreaking, and that was only a few months of trying. I wholeheartedly feel for you. 

First off, my heart goes out to you & your husband. I so understand as I couldn't have kids either, but ya know, I am ok with that. God intended me to be a mom to the animals. I truely believe that. But I wanted to mention, adoption is a wonderful thing. My birth mother had to put me up for adoption & it was the best thing ever that she did for me. I was adopted at birth. I had the best parents ever. I am so blessed. There are children that would love to have you & your husband as their parents. After 40 years of searching, I did find my birth mother. I had 1 main reason for wanting to find her, besides wanting medical history, etc. I wanted to say, Thank You for loving me enough to let me go. And yes, I told her that & she was grateful. God Bless you & your husband with any choice that you both make. Whatever the choice, it will be right for you both. 

Just have to give you a hug

I just want to give you a big ole hug too.....

and i want to ask you to be honest with your family.  Those that are asking are not in any way trying to be mean and the stress you have by not sharing is not good for you.  If you cant be the one to share the news then by all means... please ask your mom to run point.  Im sure she would do anything to help at this time and this request could mean the world to her.  No one can read your mind or your heart and sharing the good and bad with those who love you can only bring you closer as a family unit.  you just might find a family member who has experience that they can share that would be very helpful for you. 

Oh girl, I could have written your post myself! I know what you're going through, it's been five years this summer since my husband and I started trying. Here's my experience and some tips for anyone thinking of going the fertility treatment route. 

As far as comments go, it SUCKS. Big time. My family has actually been pretty good, they're not all baby hungry and constantly hounding me about it. My husband's family on the other hand, has been super annoying, his mom most of all. It got to the point that I told him to please tell his mom to stop asking and talking about it. Thankfully she complied and family get-togethers have been much better. But it doesn't take the sting out when someone else asks if you can even get pregnant, and  someone else says they want to hear I'm pregnant by the end of the summer. Ok yeah, because it's just SO easy, ya big jerk. Then you see pregnancy announcements, get invites to baby showers (I've skipped A LOT of baby showers over that last few years), and it all becomes incredibly difficult to deal with. My go-to answer when asked when we were having kids is "yeah, some day" and if they ask if we've talked about it, I'll say we have, we just don't have a specific timeline. I'm always super vague and keep my answers short. Only a very tiny group of people know what is actually going on because I'm pretty private and don't want to make it a big deal.

So on to the fertility stuff. First of all, you say you've been to several doctors, but are they reproduction endocrinologists/fertility specialists, or regular OBGYN's? There is a HUGE difference. Anyone who has only ever been to their regular OBGYN and is still struggling with infertility must go see a specialist because OBGYN's are VERY limited with what they can do and test for. 

I myself started out with my OBGYN. I explained that we had been trying for several months with no luck, so he prescribed me Clomid and an estrogen supplement, along with intercourse timing. He did zero testing beforehand. I did either two or three months of Clomid with no results. 

For quite a while after that, we didn't pursue any furthur treatments, mainly because of the cost. I did the OTC ovulation trackers and according to them, I ovulated every single month, and we timed intercourse accordingly, and still never got pregnant. For about the next two years, I tried ALL KINDS of random stuff--supplements, diet changes, exercising, fertility yoga, etc, etc, etc. We even tried "not trying"--ya know, because everyone says you'll get pregnant when you're not trying!! Obviously none of that worked either.

So finally at the end of 2016, we decided we better get serious about this because I'm not getting any younger ya know! So we picked a fertility doctor, not based on our own independent research, but because a couple of his coworkers had used them and got pregnant. Good enough for me! I finally had all kinds of testing done: lots of blood work and phsyical exam type stuff. My husband was tested too. Our results were unexplained fertility, there was nothing glaringly wrong with either of us, we just for whatever reason could not get pregnant. Yay for no real answers! But at least we knew we were both good and that fertility treatments could be successful. Not ready to drop over $10k for IVF that had a good chance of not working, we opted for the MUCH cheaper intrauterine insemination (IUI). That's where you give yourself shots to stimulate your ovaries to produce eggs, then take a trigger shot to get your ovaries to release the eggs, and then the doctor places the sperm right where the eggs should be released. The idea is that the sperm is as close to the eggs as possible, but it still has to do the work and fertilize an egg, and then the egg has to implant. First round of that was unsuccessful, the second round we got a positive blood test, but 48 hours later my hCG levels hadn't changed, so it was deemed unsuccessful and I was taken off all medication. Third round was also unsuccessful, and the doctor told us we needed to seriously consider IVF, but we still weren't ready to bite that bullet, especially after all the money we had just spent. So we quit trying altogether.

Fast forward to this summer, we decide it's officially now or never. We make an appointment with a completely different fertility doctor and we knew going in that we were doing IVF, we needed to do the procedure that had the best possiblity of working. So my husband and I go through even more thorough testing. This time we were officially diagnosed with male-factor infertility. So my husband's swimmers were good, they just weren't strong swimmers, and kind of didn't know where to go. Finally a valid reason for what our problem could be!

So I once again start the medication and do my egg retrieval (which they put you under for, FYI). They retreived 12 eggs, 10 of which were mature enough to use. Because of the sperm issue, they had to literally inject each egg with sperm to get them fertilized. Out of the 10 they injected, 9 became fertilized. Now here's where it gets interesting. On day three of the embryos maturing, all nine were moving along nicely and looking good. My embryo transfer (where they put the best embryo in your uterus) was scheduled for day 5. On day five, out of the nine embryos that had made it so far, only ONE was suitable for transfer. The others had either stopped maturing or slowed way down. This is why it is SO important to only use a doctor who does day 5 transfers instead of 3. Had we done a transfer with a three-day old embryo, there's only a 1 in 9 chance that I would have had the best embryo. So that also helps explain why we never got pregnant. Even if my eggs were fertilized, the odds of it maturing to a viable embryo were extremely low.

The embryologist said she'd give the other 8 one more day to see if they matured enough to the point of being usable, and then frozen for potential future use. That next day, we thankfully had one more embryo mature to nearly "perfect" and it was frozen. So for this round of IVF, we had two chances of it working before having to start the entire process over again. If you're able to have multiple eggs frozen, you just have to pay for the embryo transfer, you don't have to go through all of the stimulation shots, egg retrieval, fertilization, incubation, and everything that makes the procedure so super expensive. Embryo transfer on it's own is actually pretty inexpensive compared to the whole IVF process.

So anyways, two weeks after my initial embryo transfer, I went in for a blood test and the result was positive!! I am currently 14 1/2 weeks along, and I have science and amazing doctors to thank for it For the whole timeline, my initial consultation was in June, and I got my positive pregnancy test in September. Just in case you're curious about how long it takes. You can't expect it to be all done within a month or two. 

Sorry for the novel, just wanted to provide some info for anyone who's curious about it. Feel free to PM me with questions :)

I never once thought we were "playing God". I'm so beyond grateful that medicine has advanced to the point that this is even possible, that I consider it a gift from God that the doctors are able to do what they do

Me too---what a wonderful attitude you have and what a blessing you are to everyone around you I bet.  Plus your animals get to reap the benefits too!

Congratulations to you and your husband---doesn't seem fair for you and the OP to have such difficulty when people who don't even care about babies can get pregnant by looking at a man. . . Praying for a successful, uneventful pregnancy

Thank you!! It is incredibly frustrating. Especially when I personally know several women who got pregnant by accident, one of which who gave up her first baby, has a one year old by a dead beat dad, and just gave birth to a third baby who we're really not even sure who the dad is. She can't even support herself, much less these kids she keeps having while getting zero help from the father(s). It really is unfair and is just a kick in the gut.

prayers for you

Hugs and prayers for you!

Hello OP. First of all, I am sorry you are going through this. I'd had one miscarriage myself, which was heartbreaking, but my husband and I were very blessed that it was "easy" for us to get pregnant. I know that not everyone has the same blessings.

Now, secondly, I have a hard time understanding why you didn't give your current doctor ALL of your information of your medical history? When they got to the part where they asked you about allergies and/or medical issues, you need to bring it up.  Your doctor cannot make the best decisions for you if you leave out important portions of your individual medical history.

What are you currently doing to treat your gluten and lactose intolerance? Are you sticking to a very strict diet and avoiding the things your body is intolerant to? If you are not, realize that "cheating" on your diet damages the inside of your body -- and could absolutely contribute to you having difficulty to getting pregnant. If your body is not 100% healthy, then your body might not be able to support fertilization and/or attachment of a fertizlied egg.

Sure, there could be other things going on too that your new doctor hasn't had a chance to figure out. Hopefully you get some answers soon. But if you haven't been (assuming) taking care of yourself 100%, then that's step #1. Right after informing your doctor of medical information you have omitted.

I don't mean to sound like I am lecturing you OP, but I see this all the time with my job and it drives me crazy. I'm an optometrist and it's COUNTLESS how many times I have patients call me months after their eye exam to have their results sent to their diabetic doctor ....... yet they did not tell us they were diabetic during the exam and we very specifically directly ask them that question. I don't know why they "lie" or "forget" or feel the need to leave it out in the first place. I have no idea. But I can't fully perform my job to the best of my ability if a patient leaves out important information!

So even if you are not sure how something can be relevant .... tell your doctor anyway!

As far as how to deal with family members, be honest and tell them. This is the exact reason why I NEVER ask someone "why/when are you having children?" becuase I"m sensitive to the fact they may very well be trying - you never know who is going through that struggle. So in my opinion, if you have a family member who is making you feel bad on why you haven't had kids yet --- tell them! Everyone seems to want to keep it hush hush on infertility, but it does not need to be that way. Let those family members be there to support you.