I'm going to have a pity party for a minute.  Those of you that know me, please be aware that the new owner knows the entire story. 

At the end of April, my filly bucked me off twice.  The first time, no big deal, rode it out for awhile, then we headed for a tree stump, so in self preservation for myself and her, I bailed.  Nice neat ball, no issues.  Lunged the snot out of her, but due to circumstances of time and wind, I decided to just do groundwork and some mounting exercises.   Couple weeks go by.    End of the ride, was loping the second way.  She wanted to quit, I said nope and kicked to keep her moving and she exploded again.  This time, she took me through a tree and the bail was messy.  I landed square on a chunk of HARD ground directly on the point of my hip.  I have pics of my colorful back and hip.  Bruise was ALL the way from center of back around hip to front middle of thigh.  Nothing broke, but my self esteem. I couldn't ride for 6 weeks though. 

Sold filly, with full disclosure.  New owner is a Prof. trainer and he loves her.  She tried to buck him off three days before he agreed to buy her. He got her rode out. 

Now on to the pity part.   I bought this filly with full intentions of training her myself on the pattern. She was my DREAM horse. Bloodlines and all.   Plan was to get her going while my 23 (at time, now 25) gelding was on the way to retirement. Time and circumstances killed it.   

NOW I'm looking at retiring with my gelding.  This whole deal: being hurt, selling a horse (which I have NEVER done, they all die here), and having my long time gelding being close to retirement is breaking me.  1/2 the time anymore I don't even want to go to the barn.  My mom is cleaning the basement and had me come pick out the trophies from my youth that I wanted to keep.  Hell, I cried last night.  My husband would just as much have me not ride as ride.  I just don't know what to do with myself. 

1/2 of me thinks buy another one.  1/2 of me says quit, you're not good enough anyways, you've been 3D with a few exceptions for 20 years. 

Thanks for reading.  

That's your decision, but if you still find joy in riding, I'd say buy another horse.  But, this time, choose one that fits your lifestyle.  Not all of us are bronc riders.  Plus, what is wrong with 3D, if you're having fun and enjoying yourself?  Life is short, buy the horse!

I guess it's not about the division. I just enjoy placing anywhere.  But I think about the 1D.   Will I ever get there? 

Maybe that's part of the training thing.  I wanted to see if I could do it and I couldn't, with the filly.  So could I really do it with one that was older, well started/possibly patterned?  Because let's face it...I can't under any circumstances unless I win the lottery afford a fancy 1D horse. 

Awwww. Listen, it's ok to feel the way you do. I cry a lot too. In fact I did last night when I was cleaning stalls.. we recently sold a horse that I was supposed to make something great out of. I just couldn't do it... I couldn't train him... I didnt want to. All i have now is my rope horse and a 20 yr old rope horse we bought so my daughter could learn to rope and she decided riding and horses werent for her anymore... so ... ugh... anyway.. maybe just take some time off and keep riding your soon to be retired boy and just enjoy it... have fun... if you want to get more competitive,  you find you a horse you can do just that on! One things for certain,  there is no shortage of those nice horses out there.. there's no time limit either.. take all the time you need to sort thru everything and try to remember why you started in the first place... because you love it! When you stop loving it, it's time to stop, take a breath and evaluate what's going on.. if you just need a break, a change or just need to chill for a bit and come back... I told my son that ... recently.. hes been struggling in baseball, getting really down when things dont go his way.. getting super frustrated... I asked him why does he continue to play the game then??? He said ... well mom, I love it... I just smiled at him and walked away.. he had his "aha" moment right then... he forgot why he started in the first place! Now he plays different,  he has fun, he enjoys it again and hes darn good at it! 

If you are able to ride, I say still ride.  I am 69 years old both of my horses are retired and basically un-rideable.  I loved to just ride but life.got in the way and I had to go to work and things time wise just was not working out.  I would still ride if I had the time and my horses were rideable.

I say get you another young horse thats broke and really to start on the barrel pattern, dont let this get you down, just pull your pants back up and start looking for your next barrel horse. You can do it, I know you can This filly was not meant to be, but I bet there is one waiting for you somewhere.

Get a middle aged horse that is fun to ride.  Let the past go and move on.  Go back to enjoying it.

Get something that is broke and you can trust.Keep your options open- it could be a 4yo or a 14yo; just find something that fits you and you can work with. They're out there and you don't need a lottery ticket to buy them.  Good luck!

If you still enjoy riding, GO FOR IT! You can do it. Sometimes you get one that's just not for you that will lead you to something better. At the end of the day, if you enjoy riding, get you a horse that you will enjoy. 

I bought my mare with every intention of training her to run barrels because I missed it terriby..  However, I'm having so much fun doing non-barrel racing things with her, I don't really miss it at all.  Turns out I missed the horse lifestyle/people.  Do we go around barrels, sure - but it's fun, not necessary.  I am leaving in the morning to go on a ladies camping/trail riding retreat thing, and I can not honestly remember being as excited about a barrel race as I am about this weekend. 

Maybe find you a steddy eddy that you can trust and enjoy, especially coming off an injury.  I have a retired old man too, and we still enjoy some nice easy rides sometimes even though he is done competing.

Whatever you decide, I hope it brings you much peace and happiness.  I know I'm getting older but I still love horses, but I'm not the daredevil I was 15-20 years ago.

We ALL take breaks.  We all have those moments we want to quit.  You have to go with your gut and what your heart wants you to do.  

Some of us take breaks due to family, job, burn out, etc. It's ok.

Some of us take breaks because we feel defeated - due to family, job, burn out, etc. It's ok.

So, whatever you do.  It's OK!  

What you need to keep in mind is. .you may decide to get back into things, so DO NOT sell your tack. Don't tell your trailer, don't sell your equipment.  It's a whole lot easier to get back into things if you keep all of those things.  When horses are in your blood - it's ok to take a break, but you will want to get back out there at some point. 

Here's the deal - do what makes you happy.  Very few (and I am not implying you specifically), myself included) simply do not have the time, wherewithal, and money to really ride and run a true 1D horse.  When I was younger I thought I could but didn't have the $$ to purchase that kind of horse.  Now, I ride 3-4 days a week, have a fantastic been there, done that (but not without her quirks) mare that I can ride out, haul to races, and run when the inclination gets me.  When I think about getting a young one, I remind myself how much TIME and MONEY it takes to really get a young one going and do I want that right now?  No.  Someday again? Maybe, maybe not.  I've learned that riding period makes me happy so I do it when I can and with a horse that can sit or not, and be a doll to  haul down the road when I do want to go.  This year I ran her 6 times,  that is it.  I had a blast doing it.  Maybe next year I'll go more and maybe I won't.  Bottome line is - enjoy the old timer, he'll take care of you for as long as he can.  And when it's time to add another - don't overlook another older, been there, done that horse because for me, it really put the joy of riding and running back into my heart again (I too raised one I thought would be my dream horse, SOB bucked too much for me and down the road he went).  Good luck and HAVE FUN!

Everyone has already said what I would have, so I just wanted to send a hug. . . 

Thank you, these are the things I need to hear.  I just feel rotten because the possible end is coming after a wreck on my dream.
I did finish the season on my old guy at a show on a good note. It was a double show and I Won the 4D the first show and got 2nd for the 2nd show on one run that I carried over. 

I can't see myself quitting, but I also just struggle to find energy to go right now. Work (sped teacher) is difficult this year. A new mount sounds like therapy and yet more stress.  Hopefully spring time brings new hope and motivation. :) 

Well, now .....since I have personally known you for many, many, many years, I can be "frank" with you ...... even though you have other interests, horses have always been in your blood and a great reason for your happiness. So pull yourself up out of that "funk" and get real..... you are too young to give up that passion. Keep riding the old guy until you can find a well broke (not necessarily barrel trained) younger horse that you can "play" with and have fun ...... I took a long break (while hubby played) but came back to it with my penning horse to PLAY and it was a lot more fun than chasing a dream .....

And the voice of reason speaks!!!

I am in a similar situation except I didn't sell my young horse.  I have a 15 year old, seasoned horse I raised and trained. She is local 2D big show 3D at best.  Its not her fault. She tries hard she's just not very fast.  But she is fun.  I have a young horse that is started he just needs to be hauled and seasoned. He feels like he has all the buttons to be a top horse.  I just don't know if I have it in me to season another horse.  Ive been stuck in the 2D/3D rut for so long I don't know if I can ever be a top rider again (I was in my younger days). I didn't even go to 1 barrel race this year.  Part of me says to sell the young horse and just stay where I'm at because that's all I will ever be. I also have 2 kids and work full time and can't put as much time on my young horse as I would like.  But, there's part of me that says I'll never know what I have if I don't give it a try.  I don't ride in the winter but I think I'll give it another go next year and try to get to a barrel race and see if I can handle seasoning another green horse.  I guess I can relate in the defeated, lost feeling you are feeling.  I have felt joy riding my young horse and teaching him...its just the seasoning nonsense that is turning me off. Heck, there are times I think about how easier my life would be if I didn't have horses anymore...I just can't bring myself to not have horses anymore. :)  Hang in there and I hope you can find your way and know alot (if not all) of get these same feeling from time to time...

I hope you and the OP come back next year and tell us how wonderful things have turned out

NateRacer...you are one of the few I remember on here from years back...first off hugs, secondly...my advice which may or may not be good lol!

take the winter off.  Take the time to really decide what you love the most.  A) Idea of running the 1-D?  Or B) just having fun with friends pulling a 3-D or 4-D check here and there?  There is no wrong answer, other than you regretting A or B (or C, D...etc)

Just because this filly didn’t pan out does not mean you have to give up your dream.  Up until this year, the absolute most expensive, supposed 1-D colt prospect I’ve ever bought, was a total nightmare and I got scammed by the previous trainer.  I did think the same things as you!! But I decided one bad apple can’t ruin the orchard.  So I made one last ditch effort...bought another colt (after saving for 3 very long years)...so far a complete 180...and only time will tell.  But for me I knew I couldn’t quit after I took the time to really, really analyze the situation.  But on the other hand, if I’d decided to stick with my 3-D, limited time left, horse...there’d been no shame in that.  The most important thing is knowing what makes u happy.  My hubby supports me in many ways, but if I gave up horses he’d be thrilled lol...so I get you there too.  It’s your life, your passion, you will make the best choice for you.  But I don’t believe at all you’re ready to throw in the towel for good...you’d never posted here if that was the case ??

I'd say that's probably a truthful observation.   

Update from the buyer yesterday though.  He told me she's one of the toughest horses he's had, but he thinks after some good long wet saddle blankets (that was my issue giving her!)  she'll turn into a great little horse.  He absolutely loves her. 

That makes me feel that I wasn't incompetent. lol    It was more a matter of time not working for the two of us. 

I keep looking at horses, so I'd say the bug is still active.  Just has to be right. 

I just sold a little filly like yours, she was quite the challenge (purchased her as a long 3yo that had never been touched, had SO many quirks) and I ended up putting a nice start on her but we just did not click. I had her for almost 2 years and finally had to throw in the towel. I felt horrible that I couldn't get her past some of her quirks, and I *usually* am never one to back down with horses, but something about her just unsettled me and I found myself avoiding working with her. We sold her to a woman that gave her a job, rides her in the mountains and packs on her, puts miles and miles of wet saddle blankets on her, and she is flourishing! When we loaded her up to leave our house, I was bawling- I felt like such a failure, I had never given up on a horse before, but I knew I needed to cut my losses before she had more time to sit and regress. She needed to go somewhere where she would be used and not just be the pasture pet she was turning into. I felt such a sense of relief when I heard she was doing well at her new home, and it absolutely eased any shame I had for selling her.
I am like you, always keeping my eyes peeled, and because we sold her we were able to jump on a great opportunity with a different mare that fits me and our program (and herd) perfectly. 
Not every horse will fit every person, and that is okay. Don't beat yourself up because she wasn't the right filly for you- look at how often our "dream horse/man/woman/etc." ends up not being what we want and sometimes the next one in line is our perfect match.

Ah heck, I broke my back last year and fractured my sacrum in September this year from riding colts. I'm not going to quit, I'd say do what your heart says.

Good lord!  OUCH!