How long should things take? We have cattle and custody to bicker over, but it's been a month and I feel nothing is moving on either side. He also has criminal charges to deal with, that will greatly affect the custody. But at what point do we get to the "I want this, you get that" and we move on with life? We have to either sell cattle or he can buy me out but nothing moves forward towards that. I'm stuck on HIS family ranch until cattle sell and he can't be here for 6 months due to a protective order. His dad needs help so I can't imagine why things are dragging on. Any insight is appreciated. 

Sounds sticky....all I can say is find a good lawyer even if just for a consult.  Preferably one with ag experience.

We both have what seem to be good attorneys,  just do much back and forth and nothing getting done. Maybe that's normal with all the initial paperwork?

Every state is different. I just got the call yesterday that my sister is finally done.  She moved her children out late last october and her and her husband have split the house every third week since.  its been a horrible situation but it is finally done.  10 months later.

There was couple here that the man had criminal charges & those had to be settled before the court would start to make a settlement on the divorce. I'm sure that probably depends on what the charges are.

I'm sorry you are having to go through this.

My friend just got divorced and his took forever.  His was financial based because there were lots of details that the lawyers had to figure out. 

It will take about a year before everything is all said and done depending on what state you are in that is about average. The shortest I have ever heard was around 90 days but they just agreed on everything, no children and had nothing to bicker over.They both just wanted out asap. The more you have to fight for/over the longer it will take. Children also complicate things.

Prayers to you

No advice...but sorry that you are going through this.

I have been through divorce, very best wishes, and warm thoughts your way.

My sister has been working on her divorce coming on 7 years. Its been ridiculous!

Prayers for you.

My easy divorce took a couple of years because my ex wouldn't sign. 

I have 3 friends who all just divorced - they all took over a year. 

Prayers and hugs for you

I knew a lady that lived on the family ranch too and the divorce was really ugly, it took like 3 years before it got final.. She would not sign either, she was the type that wanted just about everything, their boys were just about grown then, but dang it just dragged on and on.. There was no custody to fight over it was just land and money that she wanted. Since she didnt sign and things didnt get settled the first year the lawyers then just took their time..

I would just get him to buy you out on the cattle, so that you can get this rolling, no since in waiting till cattle are sold since winter is getting close.. 

Good luck Divorce is just ugly period. 

The land is in his dad's name so no issues there. After 20 years and2 kids, it's not like I married him to clean him out. I just want my half of the cattle and the breeding horses...for the horses I am willing to walk away from several thousand dollars worth of tools, a nice camper and a back hoe.  I was also willing to leave a cattle pot but he's been fairly nasty so I'm changing my mind there. I figure he has a house, utilities paid and no charge for hay. I'm starting over at 40 yrs old. Our vehicles are all older and worn out and not worth fighting over.  I guess I'm confused why the lawyers can't force him to buy me out or sell so I can move and at least he can live on the ranch. Our credit is excellent so no reason he can't get a loan. And no debt. I just feel nothing is moving along. I have a protection order due to domestic battery so custody should be pretty cut and dry...unless they are waiting for his criminal case to finish before the divorce ???? I certainly hope not. 

It is going to take a long time. Period. He cant just "buy you out" and send you on your way, especially with children and a pending battery case against him. His lawyer will not allow the divorce to go to court until that case is finished, period. Delay delay delay is what lawyers do, they want those hours. Get the battery case overwith, then yall can fight over the stuff. The cattle, horses, tools, everything you two own will come into consideration, I promise you that even if it is "old" or "not worth fighting over" it will be fought over, mark my words. You said he's already being nasty, you just wait. I'm really sorry you're having to go through this. Get a good support system (dont forget us BBs, we are always here for you) but I'd settle in for the long haul if you want a fair shake. Fair means different things to different people, especially when they are mad. Keep your chin up and ducks in a row on your end and you will be fine. Be patient though, this will take time and this too shall pass. Many happy thoughts and prayers coming your way. 

I can tell that you are not the type thats into cleaning him out, the lady that I knew {Holy Cow} she was mean and nasty and this mans family is worth millons and she sure was not going anywhere untill she got what she wanted, lol and in the end she got some of it but just to get her out. But she stood her ground and it got her comfortable by living means. I think the lawyers like this draging out of things they make more money this way.. 

He really should just buy you out, but his lawyer I'm betting is getting him to hold out on you.. You hold your ground because you deserve what is yours.. talk to you lawyer and tell him/her what you have tolded us and your concerns. My concerns with winter coming on they may make you start paying for feed and hay for the livestock and that will be more money out of your pocket.. If hes being nasty be nasty right back. Hugs ")

I went thru a nasty divorce after almost 18 years together--took 6 months to settle with a child, financial situations, and a business involved.  However, to protect Chandler, I agreed to whatever Chris wanted as long as I got sole custody and my son was safe.  With what's going on in my life right now, your situation touches me deeply and I am sending prayers and the best thoughts possible to you and your children.   If you ever need an ear or shoulder. . . 

Do you plan on getting full custody?Do you think he will just give his kids up?I do believe you are in this for the long haul, its gonna be a while.

Sit down with your lawyer and lay out what you want and expect -- and let the attorney know you want it to move. Now. 

He has rarely had the boys on his own and our oldest is 12. I however can count on my fingers the nights I have been away from them. Less than 10 since either was born. Remember we lived on a ranch, and if I needed to be gone for anything, I had to take them. I quit my cushy job as a Postmaster because my oldest was in daycare and when I had my youngest it would actually cost me to work...between fuel and daycare. All because he wouldn't watch them. I found a list of reasons a parent won't get 50 50. He has 6 of the 10 reasons. I think if we can get his lawyer convinced it's a losing battle, he'll give up. He has very little try in him. And has lost a lot of friends and family over his bad choices. He contacted several lawyers and several wouldn't accept his case. Including the one I have.

Have mercy that list is so similar to what my divorce entailed. . . 

He's shown no remorse just his typical anger. He definitely has anger issues on top of being an alcoholic. Doesn't drink every day but has to get drunk when he drinks and gets mean. This last deal was in front of the boys so I'm requiring supervised visitation which totally ****ed him off! Take control away from a narcissist and watch their head spin. 

Awww girl, got you and the boys in my prayers, you stay safe

I won't go into a lot of detail, but Chris had to have supervised visitation at either his mother's or his father's house, couldn't drive with Chandler after dark, and couldn't cross state lines (he was living in MS with his gf at the time)--he was not a happy man either.  It reached the point where he wouldn't even come back to AR for his weekends. . . Thankfully once he and the gf ended and he moved back to AR, he and Chandler got back to a better relationship before Chris died.  

So sorry. My divorce took 4 months and we had absolutely nothing. No house and no kids. 

So it looks like I just wait it out ??. No tears for him, but man the anger I feel some days for turning our world upside down. I am normally such an upbeat person, but some evenings when the boys are in bed I feel like I'm drowning in frustration. I am a planner and not knowing even where I'll live next month is awful. We can't sell anything but I've pretty well packed all the small things I want in the house and put in storage.  He and his dad who I have saved from getting a beating twice, will soon figure out how much I did. 

Hang tough girl.  I know it's hell, but you are the stronger one.  I know it's easier said than done, but don't let the anger waste your energy and hope.  You'll get through this & so much better & stronger for it!

Every state has a little bit different rules.  I have not looked to see what state you are in. 

Courts - Keep in mind that COVID has really put the cases behind regardless of which type.  Your divorce and his criminal proceeding will be on different dockets, different judges and a different back log to deal with.

Given you do have criminal charges pending - that will slow things down without COVID.  Your boys are of age that their opinion of where they want to reside could be taken into consideration also. 

Whatever can be agreed up PRIOR to going to Court is your best option. (I realize this is not always possible).  You can give your attorney the information to draw up and present to his counsel and if an agreement is reached that is great - Judges like it when they do not have to make all of the decisions when it comes to your pesonal affairs and children.  Back to t statement above about every state being different - some states require mediation before you can go in front of th judge.  

As for a time frame - a judge can rule on different portions of a divorce prior to granting a final decree and you can go back to court to enforce any court order following the divorce - for years.  Every time you ask your attorney to do something - the price goes up and the attorney works for you, but that said attorney wants those billable hours also.

I would ask your attorney what the back log is on the dockets and then what you would propose for settlement and go from there.  Mind you. . your soon to be ex may not agree to anything until the criminal matter is decided. I hate to say it, but you need to be pro-active and run your own case and push an attorney some times to move things along. Court rules always rule though on their time frame.

(((HUGS))) to you and your boys.  Relationships are tough and divorces are tougher.

I asked my lawyer Thursday what we need to do to get things rolling. Friday he said he's not willing to divide anything piecemeal so I gave a 3 page list of my demands and mentioned I'm not negotiable on much. It's fair and not a person other than maybe him, would think it wasn't. He should have taken my first offer, but instead ran and got a lawyer. 

Now that he has lawyered up I wouldn't back down from what you deserve.

My first divorce was fairly simple (no kids, no property) and we parted fairly amicably.  HOWEVER, he did pull some things that I would have never thought he would have done. 

Just be warned that you need to take care of you and make sure your big girl panties are pulled up high and tight, cause it might get rough.