Actually more like a kick in the hinnie!!!!

I am going through a confidence thing.  I need some advice, something to get me out of it. I know it is up to me, but I need a little support. My hubby just says "get er done" , does not help.  I have a new mare and she is great when not in heat, when she came in heat when I would nudge her with my feet she would kick up.  I am getting her some moody mare something.  Now I am afraid to kick her.  I also have a 4 year old gelding that I would love to ride , but he reared up with me and I am so scared to ask him to do anything now.  Both horses have lots of potiental but I don't think I have what it takes anymore.  I keep trudging along because I love riding and racing, don't want to give it up.  Thought I would take a break and when it got warmer I was back at it, I don't want to be away from the horses.  I am fixing to turn 30 , is this mid life crisis?  Has anyone else went through this , I would love to hear how you got through it.  I am so afraid that I will get hurt and not be able to take care of my family.  My hubby works all the time ,plus out of town.  He is the only one bringing in a check.  I really don't want to quit and I won't quit, both horses have been rode by other people just to see if it is them or me.  IT"S ME!!!!  Sorry this is long , just need advice.  Thank you.

I think we all get this way

I know I do!!!!

This board has been a big inspiration to me at times and gets me back going.

I wish I had some words of wisdom but being I am fighting the same thing all I can say I am trying too!!!

I know how you feel....

I was going through the same thing as you a month ago.  I have an 11 month old daughter and I hadn't ridden hard since before she was born.  I was still feeling like a chicken and so afraid of getting hurt because I am her main caretaker.  My stud came off of four months of stall rest last month and I was scared of him at first, (even though he'd never taken a dishonest step with me.)  It is breeding season and after four months off, I was sure that he'd be frisky.  I got the ok from the vet to start riding him again and it took me about a week before I finally took off on him.  I had to wait until it wasn't windy or muddy since I was a chicken.  Anyway, I took off and if he'd stumble or swish his tail, I was sure I was going to get dumped off.  I didn't even kick him the whole ride because I was sure I'd make him mad.  The second ride, I was braver and after a few more sweaty saddle blankets, I was feeling sure of myself again.  I have been conditioning him for three weeks now and ride 4-6 miles a day.  I am back to my old self again.  I'm feeling the "mojo" coming back.

I know if you aren't feeling confident, the horse is going to feel you and be nervous too.  When I got home from the hospital last year, I was helping my brother with his colt.  The colt was being great but my brother needed help teaching him laterals.  I got on to help and was so nervous.  The colt could feel me and started acting like an idiot.

Maybe you could start by riding a horse that you can trust or riding your mare when you know she is not in heat.  I think all you need is some sweaty saddle blankets.  Good Luck.  It might only take one good ride and you'll be out of the slump you are in!!  I can't believe how different my days are now that I am getting to ride every day.  There sure is something magical about horses!

I have been to barrel clinics , but not general horsemanship clinics, never thought of that. 

Solid ,I am just so afraid of getting hurt, neither horse has really tried anything, my gelding reared with me one time and I am just sure everytime I am on him he is waiting for the right time to rear. Gees , I think I think way to much. 

I wish I could just relax and have fun again.  My sis is coming down and we are going to camp out at the sand dunes.  We are going with the dirt bikes and four wheelers and she mentioned horses and I froze. I have ridden my other horses at the dunes just not my mare and my hubby has rode the 4 year old out there and he has no problems .  It is so in my head, if I could get someone to knock it out of there I would be good.

Hello....I'm new to this bb but playindueces I just wanted to let you know that all of us go through what your dealing with right now.  From time to time we all wonder if we still have "what it takes".   And yes I think age (although your still very young) has a bit to do with it.  Having competed in barrels and poles since I was 8 years old and now over 45 I have questioned myself many times.  I don't compete to the extreme that I did at 20 but still enjoy the challenge.  I agree with GoMistyGo, sometimes anything that might be a confidence booster such as a basic horsemanship class is all that's needed.  Sometimes just time and a bunch of good friends does the trick.  Wishing you all the best.

Been there, done that... after a really nasty concussion when I was about your age, I was absolutely shot on confidence.  My husband sold the colt I got the concussion on because I was too shell shocked to ride him right, then bought me a really nice young mare who had been started and was pretty smooth and the first few rides I am sure all I did was saw on her mouth. Within a year I had her winning some pretty good money in barrels and heading.  THEN, it happened again - tried roping on a young horse and got flipped upside down when he went to pitching.  That has resulted in a life long neck injury that makes me very cautious about anything I get on.  My solution to this is I have a great trainer in Kansas who I send anything new to for a month to make sure it is ready for me to take over.  He started four colts for me last year -- one ended up staying four months, but he has never even began to try me once the trainer got past his fits.  Monetarily, I may not be able to make money on that one, but it averages out with the others, and you never know - with that bull headed attitude, he may be a good one! I get a little more money wrapped up in the horses this way, but I think it is definitely worth it. 

I'd say even if your horses are pretty finished that at least going to a horsemanship clinic would be a good place to start.

Oh my goodness, I go through this myself all the time. I really feel the lack of condfidence when I ride with others. UGH. I just keep at it. It is hard but worth it. My older horse has really helped me alot, it was a long hard haul but my cofidence is much improved. He tested me and tested me and I kept at it, he finally caved lol. Better him than me. lol Now when I am feeling that lack of confidence creeping up I get on him and get a lift. lol. We bought a spooky 4 year old. UGH, what was I thinking. I love him and it is going good, I do my deep breathing before I mount and all is good. Oh boy this has gotten long! I agree with the poster who said ALOT of sweaty blankets.

Hope it all works out

cantrnr

They both are pretty good, the mare is really sweet and willing when not in heat.  The gelding is my hubbys but I try to ride him when he can't.  They both are great horses. It is really me, I get scared and then everything they do is even scarier.  I have an older horse that my kids are riding now that I use to ride, I got bored and want something that has more go.  He is dead fred all the way.  I got tired of losing and realize I needed a faster horse.  I do ride the older one when my confidence is way down just to get some solid riding done.

Thank you guys for your advise , keep it coming please.

You guys are awesome. I reply to one and come back and there are several more post.  I really didn't think there would be so many people that have been through and willing to help .  Thank you

Teehaha- My hubby is just like my parents use to be-get back up there and no crying allowed.  He makes me so mad , but I do it mostly just to spite him.

Ladyrider- Welcome to the board.  Thank you so much for the still being young comment. I am really struggling with turning 30 , I so want to hold on to the 20's.

Thank you guys for so much support, you guys are great!!!!!

Playindueces,

do you try to do things with the mare just little by little. Let me try to explain. My colt is afraid of everything, so of course this frightens me. lolol. I think trail riding is the best relaxation for these horses and my self. Well this is not a good combination. So instead of going on a trail ride we just go a little ways, like up to my brother-in -laws(can see my house from his) and we stop and visit when the visit is done I get off lossen the cinch and walk home. We also do some loops close to the house. I will also take him on rides with someone riding the solid horse and when the ride is too iffy hubby will ride the colt. I use this system with my now solid horse and it worked great, we would go a little further when I felt confident enough.

Best of luck and take care

cantrnr

Playindeuces,

Mind if I copy this topic and give it to Kappy?  It's the EXACT thing we were talking about the other night out by her pool.....it's that "mental edge" thing that kicks in so naturally with her....and she SWEARS that she can teach those who want to be taught how to have it!  I'll copy and give to her for a "project" if you don't mind.

I will try this , I don't get to pasture ride much because my son is only 5 and I don't have anyone to watch him much., but I can ride down the street, it is not busy, and back. I think that will help alot.  Thank you.

Wow do I know this feeling.  Now that Missy is done barrel racing I have to ride Merle because she is the only barrel horse I have to ride and she kicks out and sometimes bucks.  So I had a family meeting and told Merle that if I am not around to work and take care of her she is on her own.  Last night she kicked out some but not that bad and because I really don't want to not be going this summer I just sat up and rode.

Deb, please do!!!!  I would love to hear what she has to say about this.  Everyone has given some great advise and I am just waiting for my cousin to pick up her kids so I can go ride.  I feel so much better hearing that some have went through this and survived.  Thank you Deb for thinking about doing this.  All the advice I am getting is great.

I think the more you do it, the easier it gets.  I agree with Baby Steps!!!  If you can't pasture ride a lot, do you just ride in the arena?  If so try doing different "tiring exercises", ones that poop them out, so you will feel more confedient then you can work yourself back into the "grove" again.  Did that make since? 

Or do you have a round pen?  If so, lung then out, have them tired before you step on that way you can feel good about your ride and you won't have to worry and that should build your confidence back up.  I had to do this, when I broke my leg for the 3rd time it was hard for me to get back on, knowing my horses were fresh and full of energy and all I had was nervous energy.  So at least I knew when their energy was on low for those first rides, I would be more comfortable riding them. 

I don't have a round pen, but do lounge them on a line. It helps for me to get comfy on the ground with them.  What are the excersizes you are talking about?  I would like to give that a try.

( to lighten my mood alittle)   I thought about asking the spounge monkies out, what horse would act up with them around?

Playindueces, I have a mare very similar to yours.  And I have had such a hard time getting my confidence built.  I even went to another horse and finally decided, this is a great horse.  I bought her for a reason and I'm going to get with her no matter what.  I struggle with fear a lot when it comes to certain horses.  And you do still have what it takes.  Don't let fear get the best of you.  I've just taken it slow with my mare.  I started going to a trainer to help me out.  It was really great to have the support of someone else.   Just don't get stressed out.  Go at your own pace.  And by all means...don't stop going!  

I won't quit going, I really know that one day I will go and not worry about getting dumped or hurt, I will just have fun. Like you I know I bought this mare for a reason, she is fun when not in heat.  I am going to try supplements for the heat thing and maybe will get it controlable.  I really think this mare is going to be the step I need to get out of the rut of being on dead head horses.  I really want to go faster and know I can it is just the fact of getting there ( and in my head getting there in one piece.)

Yes, the Sponge Monkeys are great helpers!!!!  When you are up there all tense and thinking bad thoughts - think what would the Sponge Monkeys do?  Those cute, kissable little things!  They would be torturing me just like Where Am I would! LOL 

Go get a radio put it by the arena, turn it up to your favorite station (that might relax you and get your horse ready for rodeos too - if noise won't spook him), after you've lunged him, get on.  Do you have your barrels set up in the arena?  If so, lope big circles around your whole arena (or long trot) it doesn't matter, we are just getting more comfortable.  Do it a lot each way, sing along with the songs, let your horses head drop and relax.  Enjoy yourself, we are hear for the fun of it.  Then lope BIG circles around any barrel 3 times then lope to another barrel and go around it the same way do all three each way.  (This also helps with picking them up), when your horse is relaxed, stop.   Turn around and do it again.  This is a great exercise to let you get comfortable back in the saddle and to let your horse know that barrels can be relaxing also and they can enjoy it.  Remember the more you enjoy yourself your horse will too!

I will try that .  I like the radio thing too. Gotta see if we have a plug in there , we rent and I haven't ever looked for a plug in.  Thank you.

 Been there, done that, and will do it again. Just push through it. and when you need that boost come on back here. we'll be here for ya.

I totally understand!!!! My 5 year old still intimidates me....

Did you go to the barrel race you were talking about in the post the Last barrel race?  How was your run if you have already made it?

How did you get a picture of the Sponge Monkeys Girlfriend? 

 Having that mental edge is hard  when you get old(er) and worry about getting hurt. It helps a lot to know others have the same concerns. 

That is so wonderful WR!!!!

See where one door closes many more open.

Hey Pam, dont give up! I had a HORRIBLE year last year barrel racing, and then to top it off, gained about 20 pounds, so I was very down on myself. I am trying to loose the weight (so far its a work in progress) but I learned that in my depressed moods I didnt want to ride and had every excuse in the book not to on a regular basis, Thus we were both unfit, ran and rode like crap, and now that I see it, I am dedicated to getting her and me fit so we can be back in the 1D where we were!

Also, I went and bought 2 colts, kept the crazy one, and shes out here bigger, stronger, and has more tricks up her sleeve for me at 44 years old for sure! So Im selling her and will try and find something that likes me.... I just dont have time for a colt at all. Anyone want an Another Feature/Shawne Bug 3 year old filly? Shes a cat, but can scratch for sure!

Hang in ther Pam, we all go thru it!!

I would love to hear what Kappy has to say about this topic.

I like the radio idea too. I rode my colt this weekend with the stereo on and he loped in time to the music. lolol.

Another thing I have done to challenge my fear is to ride with no fence. I dont know what the fence does to calm me but it does. We took the pen fence down to make an actual arena and I am going to leave it down for a while. It is helping me to trust my colt. lolol-for now-lolol.

cantrnr

Whiskey, I am glad you had such a great time.  I think things will only get better from here on out.

Cantrnr, I have the fence problem too.  I think if there is a fence they won't act up. Yeah right.

On a good note,  I went and rode both horses tonight.  My mare did wonderful, I just pushed myself alittle not to far out of my comfort zone.  She is a little fresh , we have had a lot of rain and cooler weather , I think I will go lounge her about lunch tommorrow then when my daughter gets out of school go ride.  I rode my 4yr old, I haven't been on him in 3 months because of the fear.  I just walked but I was pretty calm , not as scared as I have been. I want to do this so bad I get down when it doesn't come together faster, but I will take it a step at a time and see how it all works out.  Thank you guys again.

I'm really glad to hear that you rode both horses today.  It will get easier everyday.

I am really anxious to hear what Kappy has to say.  I joke and tell my family that I am conditioning my pro horse but I know once I pull into a barrel race, my confidence will be at 0 again.  It sure is easier just to live in my alternate reality at home where I am the world champion!!

I am really happy to hear about Whiskey Rider's success too!!  Way to go!

I am very interested in what Kappy has to say.  I got a note everywhere reminding me , last time I forgot. 

I was so excited to just walk my colt , my daughter thought I was nuts .  It felt good.  I know what you mean, I think I am the champion at my arena.  It feels good to dream.

Playindueces, wouldn't it be wonderful if we could always have that immortal childhood stay with us forever??? But unfortunatly for us, it seems to go away with the bringing up of our own children, and the more we aquire in life, the more we will have to lose if something happens. I know I used to just go and jump on anything! I was fearless. But now, I am a little more cautious because getting hurt just seems to obviously painful that it is not something that I want to go through.

That being said, think of all the times you have rode your horses with absolutly no problems? Think of how many people barrel race in one weekend, and how many wind up hurt? Not barrel racing would be like NOT driving a car because you might get in a wreck. While when someone does it hurt it sheds light on how dangerous this sport can be, it also takes the focus off of the other 300 people in that class that got through the pattern with no problems.

You seem to be a little paraniod since the trust you put in your horses has been shaken a little by their recent snottyness (is that a word??). I wouldn't push yourself into anything, just get your seat back, learn to trust your horses again. You have to ride them, punish them when they do something, even if it is not on their back, take them out and longe them for a while until they figure out that you are the boss again, and, until you figure out that you are the boss again.

Timidness and horses do not mix, they are bigger than us, stronger than us, and tougher than us. Who wouldn't be scared right?? They trick to being fearless around these animals is to mentally program your mind to think that you are bigger than them, to know that you are the boss, and to let them know you are the boss.

Good Luck, and remember you have been riding horses for a long time (I am assuming) why stop now? Mind over Matter. 

I've been battling with one horse.  He's a great horse but was abused when he was young.  It's taken a year for him to build up his trust in me.  I took things very slow with him.  Kinda followed his lead at the same time trying to encourage him along.  He was running 1D times but has some soreness issues and I think now associates that with running barrels.  He just doesn't run the same.  I've started doing basic stuff and slower stuff with him.  Getting him to bend and flex again.  I think it's the slow stuff that helps build the 2 way trust.

BTW, Whiskey did GREAT this past weekend.  It was good to chat with her!!   She is a wonderful person and I admire her sssoo much for sticking with it!!!!

I do the lunging and ground excersizes also. You must have the cofidence on the ground before you get in the saddle. But sometimes it all vanishes when you swing that leg over. lol.

Playinduces that is soooo wonderfully awsome. Just bit by bit. You might not even push again until next week. Get real comfortable with the new before you add more. (Boy I hope you understand that)lololol. I will also just keep a ride at a walk or slow lope circles. We will work on latteral movement, whoa and stuff like that ooooh and backing straight. Then add on from there, whith every little challenge met my cofidence and attitude become more possitive. Its a little like if I can do that I can do this next. lol.

Playinduces I am soooooo happy for you.

cantrnr

I just turned 35 in February and let me tell ya,  I have been where you are more than once already!!

I have six horses and all came to me at different levels.  Some as weanlings and others that were broke but not mannered by any means!!  Two of them are "greenies" that I still do not trust as far as I can throw them yet.  What I do to get confidence with them is start over from square one with the round-pen and just plane old lunging. I watch and study them to better help me predict what is causing certain behaviors and then while I am safely on the ground hit those trigger points and cause the behavior so I can remedy it.  Day by day as I get to know them better my confidence increases, by the time I'm back in the saddle I am sure they know that I call the shots and will be respected. 

I even do this with my seasoned barrel mare because she will get to a point where she thinks she knows what/when is best and needs to be reconditioned that NOPE, you over-achieving little witch, it's MY SHOW!!!

Chin-up, If you really and truely feel threatened by the gelding then sell him.  But, if you think you can recover from the incident then start from the beginning and get to know him and his reasons for his actions.

Boy I am glad this post was put on here!   I thought I was the only one with ZERO confidence.  I am not as brave as I used to be and I am starting my 3 year old this year who has had about 15 rides on him last year and one this year.  I am sick of waiting for "the bronc" riders in the family to get him going so I am armed with ideas on how to "cheat"!

Thanks Ladies!

I don't think there is anything wrong with any of you.  I had a horse that I purchased and it was a rearing sucker.   And, this fool could stand there for a few seconds.  Found out, he did this a lot with the girl that raised and trained him.  Funny how that little nugget of info was omited from our pre-purchase discussions.  I don't care how much potiental a horse has - there are WAY too many good, solid, sane horses out there to mess with any like that.  I got to where I hated that horse and he had to know it.  So, I prayed and prayed about and the PERFECT horse came out of nowhere.  I had actually placed an ad to sell him for my friend.  He will stay with me until the day he dies.  He has really built up my confidence and made me more aggressive because I trust him.  A friend told me before I bought him that I was paying way too much for a 2 & 3D horse - well, he is now a 1 & 2D horse, but even if he weren't - he is still worth every penny to me.

I sent you a PM>

Hey Diane!  There is an OCA in Kellyville at the Round Up Club and there is a NOBRA in Bartlesville at Yochams - both on Saturday.  Then on Sunday there is a barrel race at Barlesville at the Round Up Club - that one is $500 added.

Hope to see you this weekend!  I really like your young horse!