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 A Somebody to Everybody
Posts: 41354
   
Location: Under The Big Sky Of Texas | This is not a young man that is just starting out in life, he's a 32 year old man, he and his wife to be should be paying for their own stuff. Does this 32 year old have a job? Is this his first time to get married? And I would just tell them to go to a JP and get married. Will save some money.
Edited by Southtxponygirl 2014-04-24 12:55 PM
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 915
Location: SE KS | My thoughts on the income situation, are irregardless of who makes the money, I would want my husband to tell his child, that he will discuss it with me and let him know.
Since the son is 32, and was 26 when you two got together, I can see where you aren't real close to his kids. I married my husband when his kids were 3 & 4, & I am still not close to his oldest child. Mainly because of interference from the mom & a whole bunch of crap. So I can see why the son didn't ask you, which should be no big deal as long as hubby said he'd discuss it with you!
The son knows you barrel race, and as long as hubby & you discuss the leaving to go to said barrel race, then I see no reason why you shouldn't go.
IMO!
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  Warmblood with Wings
Posts: 27846
Location: Florida.. | Son should pay for own stuff..
You should go to wedding with your husband and its his son. only if its his first wedding.. imho.for your husband if no one else.. you married him knowing he had kids.. good or bad..
Edited by Bibliafarm 2014-04-24 6:18 PM
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 Transplant Okie
Posts: 1206
Location: Always on call..... | Okay why is everyone saying the son should pay for all his own wedding expenses just because he is 32??? If it's a second marriage I would agree, but as someone who got married in my late twenties I never understand this sentiment. Aren't we always telling young people to go to college, get an education, experience life, etc and to not rush into marriage??
Because someone does this, and waits until they are older to get married they don't deserve any financial help for the wedding from their family? Whereas if he got married at 22 no one would think twice about helping to pay for it?
I realize the OP's stepson is having second thoughts which changes the situation. But many of you posted that the son didn't deserve anything paid for because he was 32 before she posted that. | |
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 Goat Giver
Posts: 23166
| Dr. J - 2014-04-24 10:44 PM Okay why is everyone saying the son should pay for all his own wedding expenses just because he is 32??? If it's a second marriage I would agree, but as someone who got married in my late twenties I never understand this sentiment. Aren't we always telling young people to go to college, get an education, experience life, etc and to not rush into marriage?? Because someone does this, and waits until they are older to get married they don't deserve any financial help for the wedding from their family? Whereas if he got married at 22 no one would think twice about helping to pay for it? I realize the OP's stepson is having second thoughts which changes the situation. But many of you posted that the son didn't deserve anything paid for because he was 32 before she posted that.
Having a wedding that costs $$ is a choice, not a necessity. I paid for much of my son's because I was able to and I WANTED to. However, I probably spent less than $500 because they kept it simple. Family only, dinner after at a local steakhouse, I cooked the rehersal dinner. They are just as married as they would have been if we spent $50,000 and my grandaughter should be here within a week or two. | |
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Hungarian Midget Woman
Location: Midwest | kmcsunshine - 2014-04-25 6:22 AM Dr. J - 2014-04-24 10:44 PM Okay why is everyone saying the son should pay for all his own wedding expenses just because he is 32??? If it's a second marriage I would agree, but as someone who got married in my late twenties I never understand this sentiment. Aren't we always telling young people to go to college, get an education, experience life, etc and to not rush into marriage?? Because someone does this, and waits until they are older to get married they don't deserve any financial help for the wedding from their family? Whereas if he got married at 22 no one would think twice about helping to pay for it? I realize the OP's stepson is having second thoughts which changes the situation. But many of you posted that the son didn't deserve anything paid for because he was 32 before she posted that. Having a wedding that costs $$ is a choice, not a necessity. I paid for much of my son's because I was able to and I WANTED to. However, I probably spent less than $500 because they kept it simple. Family only, dinner after at a local steakhouse, I cooked the rehersal dinner. They are just as married as they would have been if we spent $50,000 and my grandaughter should be here within a week or two.
Sort of an aside, but I had a moderately expensive wedding. My folks paid for most of it. I did not ask- they offered the money when we got engaged (We were 26). My parents did not have much of a wedding, and my mom REALLY enjoyed having a big party. They wanted to offer me the money of their own accord, because it was a suprise to me when they did so (aka I didn't ask). So realistically, if the family wants to pay, I don't see anything wrong with that. I owned my own home at the time, worked, etc etc. Personally, I'm glad I had the wedding I did.
That being said, this situation is way different, but sorry OP, sounds like you should just suck it up and deal. Making a big deal about stuff at this point probably won't change anything, and it will just make you look bad. And skip the barrel race... there will be others, and honestly it ain't worth hearing the b****ing that will likely follow you afterward. Unless they don't want you there, I'd just go to the reception for your husband's sake and tough it out. Put on a brave face and be the bigger person. | |
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 More bootie than waist!
Posts: 18425
Location: Riding Crackhead. | kmcsunshine - 2014-04-25 6:22 AM Dr. J - 2014-04-24 10:44 PM Okay why is everyone saying the son should pay for all his own wedding expenses just because he is 32??? If it's a second marriage I would agree, but as someone who got married in my late twenties I never understand this sentiment. Aren't we always telling young people to go to college, get an education, experience life, etc and to not rush into marriage?? Because someone does this, and waits until they are older to get married they don't deserve any financial help for the wedding from their family? Whereas if he got married at 22 no one would think twice about helping to pay for it? I realize the OP's stepson is having second thoughts which changes the situation. But many of you posted that the son didn't deserve anything paid for because he was 32 before she posted that. Having a wedding that costs $$ is a choice, not a necessity. I paid for much of my son's because I was able to and I WANTED to. However, I probably spent less than $500 because they kept it simple. Family only, dinner after at a local steakhouse, I cooked the rehersal dinner. They are just as married as they would have been if we spent $50,000 and my grandaughter should be here within a week or two.
You're going to be a Granny!!!!???? OMGosh congratulations!!! | |
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 Shelter Dog Lover
Posts: 10277
| CYA Ranch - 2014-04-25 7:04 AM kmcsunshine - 2014-04-25 6:22 AM Dr. J - 2014-04-24 10:44 PM Okay why is everyone saying the son should pay for all his own wedding expenses just because he is 32??? If it's a second marriage I would agree, but as someone who got married in my late twenties I never understand this sentiment. Aren't we always telling young people to go to college, get an education, experience life, etc and to not rush into marriage?? Because someone does this, and waits until they are older to get married they don't deserve any financial help for the wedding from their family? Whereas if he got married at 22 no one would think twice about helping to pay for it? I realize the OP's stepson is having second thoughts which changes the situation. But many of you posted that the son didn't deserve anything paid for because he was 32 before she posted that. Having a wedding that costs $$ is a choice, not a necessity. I paid for much of my son's because I was able to and I WANTED to. However, I probably spent less than $500 because they kept it simple. Family only, dinner after at a local steakhouse, I cooked the rehersal dinner. They are just as married as they would have been if we spent $50,000 and my grandaughter should be here within a week or two.
Congrats on the new baby!!!! | |
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 Forever Young
Posts: 6768
Location: relocated to Texas | Dr. J - 2014-04-25 9:44 PM Okay why is everyone saying the son should pay for all his own wedding expenses just because he is 32??? If it's a second marriage I would agree, but as someone who got married in my late twenties I never understand this sentiment. Aren't we always telling young people to go to college, get an education, experience life, etc and to not rush into marriage?? Because someone does this, and waits until they are older to get married they don't deserve any financial help for the wedding from their family? Whereas if he got married at 22 no one would think twice about helping to pay for it? I realize the OP's stepson is having second thoughts which changes the situation. But many of you posted that the son didn't deserve anything paid for because he was 32 before she posted that.
Because at 32 years of age he should be on his feet well enough to pay his own way. If the family wanted to help pay his expenses and offered to do so, that would be differnet. But to expect it at that age is ridiulous. What if he waited until he was 50? Should the parents who are now looking at retirement, be expected to pay then too? You don't need financial help for a wedding, actually. You need financial help if you want to throw a shindig. In reality, you can get married for a couple of hundred bucks. | |
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Hungarian Midget Woman
Location: Midwest | Hollywood's Fan - 2014-04-26 10:38 AM Dr. J - 2014-04-25 9:44 PM Okay why is everyone saying the son should pay for all his own wedding expenses just because he is 32??? If it's a second marriage I would agree, but as someone who got married in my late twenties I never understand this sentiment. Aren't we always telling young people to go to college, get an education, experience life, etc and to not rush into marriage?? Because someone does this, and waits until they are older to get married they don't deserve any financial help for the wedding from their family? Whereas if he got married at 22 no one would think twice about helping to pay for it? I realize the OP's stepson is having second thoughts which changes the situation. But many of you posted that the son didn't deserve anything paid for because he was 32 before she posted that. Because at 32 years of age he should be on his feet well enough to pay his own way. If the family wanted to help pay his expenses and offered to do so, that would be differnet. But to expect it at that age is ridiulous. What if he waited until he was 50? Should the parents who are now looking at retirement, be expected to pay then too? You don't need financial help for a wedding, actually. You need financial help if you want to throw a shindig. In reality, you can get married for a couple of hundred bucks.
It's like 30 bucks at the courthouse. lol | |
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Shelter Dog Lover
Posts: 10277
| barrelracr131 - 2014-04-26 11:12 AM Hollywood's Fan - 2014-04-26 10:38 AM Dr. J - 2014-04-25 9:44 PM Okay why is everyone saying the son should pay for all his own wedding expenses just because he is 32??? If it's a second marriage I would agree, but as someone who got married in my late twenties I never understand this sentiment. Aren't we always telling young people to go to college, get an education, experience life, etc and to not rush into marriage?? Because someone does this, and waits until they are older to get married they don't deserve any financial help for the wedding from their family? Whereas if he got married at 22 no one would think twice about helping to pay for it? I realize the OP's stepson is having second thoughts which changes the situation. But many of you posted that the son didn't deserve anything paid for because he was 32 before she posted that. Because at 32 years of age he should be on his feet well enough to pay his own way. If the family wanted to help pay his expenses and offered to do so, that would be differnet. But to expect it at that age is ridiulous. What if he waited until he was 50? Should the parents who are now looking at retirement, be expected to pay then too? You don't need financial help for a wedding, actually. You need financial help if you want to throw a shindig. In reality, you can get married for a couple of hundred bucks.
Edited by rodeomom3 2014-04-26 12:07 PM
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![](<a href="http://s1191.photobucket.com/albums/z470/alicat0909/?action=view¤t=yellaandcalf.jpg" target="_blank"><img src="http://i1191.photobu) Heeler Hater
Posts: 3014
Location: Texas | If its his first marriage id pay for it.
Even if I didn't like my stepson (i dont have any lol) Id go to the wedding and stay for the reception. My ex father in law didnt go to mine and my first husbands wedding and even though we hated each other it would have been nice for my then husbands sake.
Cowboy up and go to the wedding. Suck it up and pay the bill...if its first marriage. If not hes on his own.
Embrace the step son and his new wife. Trust me, all of my ex's families hated me (boyfriends and ex husband alike) it was torment on me. I always felt so out of place. Nothing worse then going to a family function to be respectful and everyone hating you. Let by gones be by gones.
My husbands family loves me and I enjoy it so much more. And our relationship isnt strained because of it. | |
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 794
| Cowgirl up get over it and give the money with the thought that you helped someone that needed it and go to the wedding there will be another barrel race but their will never be another first wedding for your stepson. | |
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 Elite Veteran
Posts: 974
Location: USA | I understand being aggravated/offended about the step son not calling you and asking you to foot the bill, and honestly, being a stepdaughter myself, I would have never called my step mom either for anything like that - even though she's been in my life since I was an infant. But my question is, why didn't your husband discuss paying for the rehearsal dinner with you?? That is what I'd be more annoyed with. I think any big expense should be discussed between the two of you, not just one person making all the decisions. I make more money than my hubby, but any big expense, we discuss it, regardless of who's account the money is coming out of.
Secondly, how old are your children? Are the kids even friends? Do they talk to each other outside of family functions?
And third, I think it would send a really negative message if you left after the I do's, even though you predict the demise of the marriage in 3-5 years. It's not only offensive to your step son, it's also offensive to your husband. One of my bridesmaids did this to me on my wedding and it was incredibly offensive. And you're the step-mother of the groom, you just can't do that and not think there will be hurt feelings and repercussions.
Blended families are hard. I grew up with a stepmom and a stepdad, and I am now a stepmom myself. They are incredibly hard to navigate. Taking the high road isn't always easy. And sometimes you have to do stuff you don't want to do, and put someone else before yourself. It's just for a few hours anyway. Come on cowgirl, put your big panties on and deal with it  | |
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