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 Midget Lover
     
Location: Kentucky | Has anyone adopted a child within the US before? All I've heard is horror stories about the process. Any information would be great. |
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 Toastest with the Mostest
Posts: 5712
Location: That part of Texas | The majority of the adoptions that I have done as an attorney have been step-parent or taken place within the family on some level after the natural parent(s) have had their rights terminated.
Much of the court process on those involves a three-step process where you have to get the parent's rights (1) recognized (i.e., John Doe is found by the court to be the child's father) and (2) their rights to the child terminated. If you can jump through those two hurdles, you move on to the third step where you are evaluated by the court as a prospective parent and must complete the requisite steps (background check, home study, etc.) to be approved to be an adopter.
I have walked through the process with a friend who wanted a baby. Through friends she learned of a couple who already had four kids and had an "oops" baby on the way. They were pretty much living under the poverty level and this baby was really going to be a strain on their family. They promised her the child right up until it was born and then they changed their minds once they saw him. My friend was crushed and out a ton of money that she had given to them to help them during the pregnancy.
I've seen it happen that way many times -- no matter if the parents really aren't fit to raise them or even high on drugs, living in a bad situation, etc. You will find people who don't need a child fighting tooth and nail to keep them and raise them in crappy situations just because they had to have the child. I watch it everyday in certain CPS cases where everybody knows the kid(s) would be better off with someone else but they get sent back to live in bad situations.
My best advice would be to seek the counsel of a local family attorney who does adoptions and also speak with any of the adoption groups in your area. Sometimes you get lucky with a child in your area that needs a home. Otherwise, the majority of people I know adopt out of the U.S. because the process here can be so lengthy and the nature itself usually involves you adopting a child who has been through an emotional ringer that would bring most adults to their knees. Some make it out okay and others have some major issues that can lead to those nightmare situations you hear about.
Also check out any foster programs in your area -- those usually lead you to more information on permanent adopting and sometimes get your foot in the door with some kids that end up being adoptable in the long run. I've done adoptions on some really good kids that met their new parents through the foster program. |
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Extreme Veteran
Posts: 448
Location: lone star state | I applaud you for considering or inquiring about adoption! There are soo many kids who are available through the foster care system. Get involved with those programs as a volunteer to learn about abused and neglected children. If you want start by fostering so you can get an understanding about the issues these children face before you formally adopt. |
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 Accident Prone
Posts: 22277
Location: 100 miles from Nowhere, AR | My parents were one of the horror stories. My mom had to have a hysterectomy at 27 but wanted another baby. They tried twice, once within the family, and again through an attorney that ran a private adoption service. Cost them lots of money, and the birth moms changed their minds in both cases.
I do have a cousin who is adopted and that one went well. She grew up knowing her birth family and is close with her bio brothers as an adult. That was a friend knew someone who knew someone deal. I know a couple who are fostering and were recently able to adopt one of their older foster children (I think he just turned 10, seems like a good kid). They're trying to adopt the 3 year old they're caring for now. Fostering will break your heart if you're not careful...I don't think I could handle sending kids I cared about back into bad situations. |
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Midget Lover
Location: Kentucky | I am just now researching information, so thank you all for your insights and experiences!
I've heard out of country adoption is much easier, as I don't know anyone personally that has succeeding in adoption an US born child.
We would most likely be interested in a new born, but I'm still looking into things to see how the process goes. I do not want to get into something that is emotionally and financially draining. We have already been through that with two years trying to conceive on our own, and I don't think I can handle going through another horrible experience. |
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 Shelter Dog Lover
Posts: 10277
| Red Raider - 2015-01-02 7:44 PM The majority of the adoptions that I have done as an attorney have been step-parent or taken place within the family on some level after the natural parent(s) have had their rights terminated.
Much of the court process on those involves a three-step process where you have to get the parent's rights (1) recognized (i.e., John Doe is found by the court to be the child's father) and (2) their rights to the child terminated. If you can jump through those two hurdles, you move on to the third step where you are evaluated by the court as a prospective parent and must complete the requisite steps (background check, home study, etc.) to be approved to be an adopter.
I have walked through the process with a friend who wanted a baby. Through friends she learned of a couple who already had four kids and had an "oops" baby on the way. They were pretty much living under the poverty level and this baby was really going to be a strain on their family. They promised her the child right up until it was born and then they changed their minds once they saw him. My friend was crushed and out a ton of money that she had given to them to help them during the pregnancy.
I've seen it happen that way many times -- no matter if the parents really aren't fit to raise them or even high on drugs, living in a bad situation, etc. You will find people who don't need a child fighting tooth and nail to keep them and raise them in crappy situations just because they had to have the child. I watch it everyday in certain CPS cases where everybody knows the kid(s) would be better off with someone else but they get sent back to live in bad situations.
My best advice would be to seek the counsel of a local family attorney who does adoptions and also speak with any of the adoption groups in your area. Sometimes you get lucky with a child in your area that needs a home. Otherwise, the majority of people I know adopt out of the U.S. because the process here can be so lengthy and the nature itself usually involves you adopting a child who has been through an emotional ringer that would bring most adults to their knees. Some make it out okay and others have some major issues that can lead to those nightmare situations you hear about.
Also check out any foster programs in your area -- those usually lead you to more information on permanent adopting and sometimes get your foot in the door with some kids that end up being adoptable in the long run. I've done adoptions on some really good kids that met their new parents through the foster program.
This is what our family is dealing with right now. My niece is fostering to adopt 3 little girls who are CPS cases, 2 are twins that she has had since birth and this case is pretty much a done deal. Mother is a druggie, the girls were born with drug exposure but at 6 months show no effects and have hit every mile stone, laugh, giggle, love to be held and cuudled. The third is a 2 year old, not related to the twins and CPS has been a nightmare with this case. The case worker lied, said CASA was not an option for their area, we found out differently and now have an advocate for the child, CPS said dad's right were terminated, our lawyer discovered they were not. This did open a window for our family, my sister tracked him down and after much consideration he signed over his rights to my neice and her husband giving them legal standing to fight for the child. The mother, 22 years old, has been out of jail since June, is pregnant with her 3rd child by a 3rd dad, can not pay her bills, has not completed her servies yet CPS is fast tracking reunification- reccommending unsupervised overnight visits. CPS breaks protocol at the supervised visits as noted in the CASA report. The case is closing in on one year and I think they want to get it off the books and if the mother has a child in CPS care it complicates her taking the new baby home from the hospital.
That said, I would still reccommend exploring the foster care route. Get educated about it and set parameters on the child you want to adopt. My niece had an age limit and knew what issues she was willing to deal with. My neice and nephew went through the Baird Foundation which offers financial support all the way through college expenses. The 3 girls who have been brought into our lives are a true gift and a delight. I would love to post pictures but can't per CPS rules. |
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  Damn Yankee
Posts: 12390
Location: Somewhere between raising hell and Amazing Grace | We hope to be able to adopt older kids someday. I say hope because I know we aren't ready to right now, and there's no garauntee we will ever be "ready". I just hope that we are. We talk about it alot. But we want to wait until hubby retires from the military and we can have a permenant home. The kids already have had a rough life and trying to help them will be easier if we don't have to move them. |
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 Elite Veteran
Posts: 927
Location: Iowa | My brother adopted but it took 10 years to get her. Another friend of mine did foster to adopt. Only kids that were going to be adoptable they would take. First one went back but the second set they got to keep. |
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Expert
Posts: 1586
Location: west of East Texas | Some friends adopted a daughter from China which took over a year. They loved the process and were planning on another but they conceived naturally and stopped at two children.
A coworker's wife had a small percentage of Native American heritage. They were able to adopt through that program within about six months. A few years later, they adopted another and were done. Several years after that, they were called and asked to adopt a third baby. And they just couldn't say no, so they have three.
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 Special Somebody
Posts: 3951
Location: Finally horseback again.... | My daughter and son n law adopted through foster care last year.
It was not as difficult as some might say but the pins and needles of worrying about whether or not they could be taken away at any minute was horrible.
We were blessed last June the final adoption being granted.
These babies have been the biggest blessing in the world to our family. It makes me happy to watch how much they have blossomed over the past two years and how much they changed once the adoption was final and they knew they had their forever home.
These are my grand babies.
Edited by Canchasr1 2015-01-05 9:51 AM
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"Heck's Coming With Me"
Posts: 10797
Location: Kansas | Those children are adorable. My nephew adopted a child from Korea. It cost a fortune and they weren't allowed to take him home as a newborn. By the time they got him he was attached to his foster parents and it was really rough trying to get him to make the transition. All is well today though. They wanted two from Korea but decided to end it with one. |
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 Playing the Waiting Game
Posts: 2304
| I gave a baby girl up in 1977 I pray everyday she has had good upbringing
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 Expert
Posts: 2097
Location: Deep South | Some close friends of mine adopted through Women's Care Medical Center and had a wonderful experience.
They were chosen by the birth mom out of a group of candidates, were with her through about the last half of the pregnancy by the time they were chosen, took home a beautiful baby boy straight from the hospital.
The birth mom legally had the right to change her mind up to 5 days after he was born and take him back, but everything worked out for them. |
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Midget Lover
Location: Kentucky | BamaCanChaser - 2015-01-05 1:09 PM Some close friends of mine adopted through Women's Care Medical Center and had a wonderful experience. They were chosen by the birth mom out of a group of candidates, were with her through about the last half of the pregnancy by the time they were chosen, took home a beautiful baby boy straight from the hospital. The birth mom legally had the right to change her mind up to 5 days after he was born and take him back, but everything worked out for them.
That's what scares me the most. |
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 That's White "Man" to You
Posts: 5515
| My sister adopted two times, both times was a newborn from the hospital. Birth parents of coarse had time to change thier mind but didn't. It worked out great except for the second one it was in LA during Katrina, so that put a little bit of damper on things.
My parents also adopted my little bro. He was 1 1/2 years old. I was amost 4 at the time. They went to colombia, they went through a private attorney and it worked out great.
My wife and I are also considering it. She had a miscarrage several months ago and the dr. doesn't think she will be able to carry a baby to term. We would really like another so we are also looking into this as well. |
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 I am Woman hear me Roar
Posts: 3395
Location: Choctaw, Oklahoma | I'm sorry to hear about your struggles. I'm rowing that same boat right now. Look into your local DHS, or child welfare office. When I worked in maternal care, we handed over at least 20 babies a month to DHS. And many of those babies were adopted directly. My husband and I have talked about many possibilities, and we would adopt a child under 10 if the situation ever came up. So far we are in limbo with stuff. But would go through DHS to get a kid/kids that truly need a loving family..
Edited to add: if you start the process through child welfare it gets done if the background and home check stuff out of the way. So even if you do go through an agency, some of your court stuff is done
Edited by JRust 2015-01-05 1:38 PM
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