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 Underestimated Underdog
Posts: 3971
    
Location: Minnesota | Some of you may remember my post about me selling one of my horses to my friend and trying to figure out how to tell her that she needs to take some lessons or let me help her or something because the horse was starting to develop some pretty bad habits...well....this have gotten worse and I don't know what my next step should be.
I bought this horse a few years ago and never had any issues. I felt comfortable putting small children on her and was certain that she would take care of them. She rode down the trail like a dream, better than my main horse actually, so I felt comfortable with my decision to sell her to my friend who is a beginner.
A year later and I don't even recognize this horse. She crow hops, shakes her head, refuses to turn under saddle. I'm a mess about my decision but at the time I was moving out of my house and needed to board and having three horses was not an option. I was planning on taking my main horse and my old companion horse so I sold my other mare to my friend. Two weeks after I sold her my companion horse passed away. I didn't think it was right of me to go back on my word and ask for her back.
Today - I've had about all I can take to watch my friend ruin this horse. This horse had her teeth floated 9 months ago, is current on shots, trims and everything else. What can I do? I'm going out there tomorrow to ride her(my friend finally said I could after months of asking) and I'm basically wanting to try her for myself and show my friend that she needs to work on herself. I even offered to take lessons WITH my friend. Ive offered just about everything I can without saying, "Give me my horse back."
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  Warmblood with Wings
Posts: 27846
Location: Florida.. | no... only thing you can do is offer to buy her back.. othr then that no... you cant take her back..not even 2 weeks later.. like you said you regretted it.. now a year later.. offer to buy .. |
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Common Sense and then some
Location: So. California | Offer to buy her back for the same price so your friend can find another horse that is more suitable for her needs. |
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Underestimated Underdog
Posts: 3971
Location: Minnesota | Anniemae - 2015-07-31 6:35 PM
Offer to buy her back for the same price so your friend can find another horse that is more suitable for her needs.
She will get super offended about all of this. I started out by being very nice and giving her little tips and suggestions but we've progresses to me yelling at her, "DON'T PULL ON FACE LIKE THAT." She's so light in the mouth and having my friend yanking on her light that makes me mad. I've tried just about everything I can but this may be the end of our friendship if I ask to buy her back. |
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 Extreme Veteran
Posts: 304
Location: Up and over to the right | So you have to decide - the horse or the friend...
Though it doesn't have to be so dry cut and dramatic. Have you, oh I don't know, sat down and talked with her instead of screaming at her?
You sold the horse, you have no say in her future now - so possibly ruin a friendship to get a horse back or let it be and let her figure it out for herself. |
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 Money Eating Baggage Owner
Posts: 9586
Location: Phoenix | You sold the horse, you have no say anymore. |
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Underestimated Underdog
Posts: 3971
Location: Minnesota | ChasingCans04 - 2015-07-31 9:06 PM
So you have to decide - the horse or the friend...
Though it doesn't have to be so dry cut and dramatic. Have you, oh I don't know, sat down and talked with her instead of screaming at her?
You sold the horse, you have no say in her future now - so possibly ruin a friendship to get a horse back or let it be and let her figure it out for herself.
Of course I have, for the last year. |
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Underestimated Underdog
Posts: 3971
Location: Minnesota | Ctrygirl14 - 2015-08-01 8:04 AM
ChasingCans04 - 2015-07-31 9:06 PM
So you have to decide - the horse or the friend...
Though it doesn't have to be so dry cut and dramatic. Have you, oh I don't know, sat down and talked with her instead of screaming at her?
You sold the horse, you have no say in her future now - so possibly ruin a friendship to get a horse back or let it be and let her figure it out for herself.
Of course I have, for the last year.
If you read my post you would see I've offered to ride the horse, go to lessons with her, work with her, giving subtle hints, tips. I've told her what worked for me with the horse. I've tried it all for a year. I'm not going to sit back and watch her ruin a good horse because she doesn't want to learn and grow as a rider. I was asking how to go about this and for advice. Thank you. |
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 Elite Veteran
Posts: 678
Location: Canada | This is going to be the hard part --- you need to get it through your head she's not your horse anymore.
You have offered all these things and your friend hasn't taken you up on them. That right there should have been a flag to back off but you keep pushing. Your friend isn't interested in your help so you need to take a step back.
You are acting like this is a horse your lending out when you actually sold her. Yes sometimes it's frustrating to watch a horse you sold not perform as you had hoped because of the rider but then you need to take a big breath and walk away. If it bothers you to watch her run DON'T. Go for a walk, or check on your horses or whatever so you don't have to watch.
You begging to ride her horse to show her she is the problem is pointless. She has no desire to be shown up so leave it be.
You can nicely tell her you miss that horse so if she is ever interested in selling you'd like to buy her back and leave it there.
I know you want what's best for that horse but you sold her and need to step back. You may find by backing off your friend comes to you for help.
When she makes a run ask her how it went and when she tells you how it all went wrong just say something generic like "well youll get it next time" and leave it at that.
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Warmblood with Wings
Posts: 27846
Location: Florida.. | RunNitroRun - 2015-08-01 10:10 AM This is going to be the hard part --- you need to get it through your head she's not your horse anymore. You have offered all these things and your friend hasn't taken you up on them. That right there should have been a flag to back off but you keep pushing. Your friend isn't interested in your help so you need to take a step back. You are acting like this is a horse your lending out when you actually sold her. Yes sometimes it's frustrating to watch a horse you sold not perform as you had hoped because of the rider but then you need to take a big breath and walk away. If it bothers you to watch her run DON'T. Go for a walk, or check on your horses or whatever so you don't have to watch. You begging to ride her horse to show her she is the problem is pointless. She has no desire to be shown up so leave it be. You can nicely tell her you miss that horse so if she is ever interested in selling you'd like to buy her back and leave it there. I know you want what's best for that horse but you sold her and need to step back. You may find by backing off your friend comes to you for help. When she makes a run ask her how it went and when she tells you how it all went wrong just say something generic like "well youll get it next time" and leave it at that.
agree with this.. |
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Miracle in the Making
Posts: 4013
| hammer_time - 2015-08-01 2:38 AM You sold the horse, you have no say anymore.
totally agree |
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| You are going to lose a friend over this eventually. You state that you made all these offers, please excuse me if I'm mistaken about this; but did she ASK for your help or opinions etc.? I actually feel really bad for this gal as surely you must make her an absolute nervous wreck when she knows your critiquing her every move...which may actually be a part of the problem...she could be very nervous when you're around and it transfers to the horse which in turn makes all of the mentioned problems worse. You sold the horse, if you sold the wrong horse to the wrong person, that is your mistake and you need to let it go. You could nicely offer to buy the horse back stating that you miss her and wish you hadn't sold her...and then it's up to your friend to sell her back to you or not..her decision...other than that....you need to get over it and stay out of her business, unless asked...sounds like you are being a "helicopter" previous owner...hovering over them and attempting to be controlling....that's not a good thing, even with the best of intentions, it causes problems. News Alert: "Give me my horse back!", doesn't cut it...she's no longer YOUR horse...accept that fact. |
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 I Am Always Right
Posts: 4264
Location: stray dump capital of the world | I would simply say that you regret selling the horse, you were in a tough bind and you truly appreciate your friend's help in caring for the horse for a year. Say that you honestly miss the horse and you would LOVE to buy her back and then help her look for another horse to purchase. That way you get your pony back and the friendship is salvageable. |
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Warmblood with Wings
Posts: 27846
Location: Florida.. | sophiebelle - 2015-08-01 10:58 AM I would simply say that you regret selling the horse, you were in a tough bind and you truly appreciate your friend's help in caring for the horse for a year. Say that you honestly miss the horse and you would LOVE to buy her back and then help her look for another horse to purchase. That way you get your pony back and the friendship is salvageable.
she wasnt caring for her horse for a year.... The friend bought the horse and its hers. |
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 Strong Willed Woman
Posts: 6577
Location: Prosser, WA | RunNitroRun - 2015-08-01 7:10 AM
This is going to be the hard part --- you need to get it through your head she's not your horse anymore.
You have offered all these things and your friend hasn't taken you up on them. That right there should have been a flag to back off but you keep pushing. Your friend isn't interested in your help so you need to take a step back.
You are acting like this is a horse your lending out when you actually sold her. Yes sometimes it's frustrating to watch a horse you sold not perform as you had hoped because of the rider but then you need to take a big breath and walk away. If it bothers you to watch her run DON'T. Go for a walk, or check on your horses or whatever so you don't have to watch.
You begging to ride her horse to show her she is the problem is pointless. She has no desire to be shown up so leave it be.
You can nicely tell her you miss that horse so if she is ever interested in selling you'd like to buy her back and leave it there.
I know you want what's best for that horse but you sold her and need to step back. You may find by backing off your friend comes to you for help.
When she makes a run ask her how it went and when she tells you how it all went wrong just say something generic like "well youll get it next time" and leave it at that.
Spot on. All of it. |
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I Am Always Right
Posts: 4264
Location: stray dump capital of the world | Bibliafarm - 2015-08-01 10:00 AM sophiebelle - 2015-08-01 10:58 AM I would simply say that you regret selling the horse, you were in a tough bind and you truly appreciate your friend's help in caring for the horse for a year. Say that you honestly miss the horse and you would LOVE to buy her back and then help her look for another horse to purchase. That way you get your pony back and the friendship is salvageable. she wasnt caring for her horse for a year.... The friend bought the horse and its hers.
I totally understand that. Perhaps use a different mixture of words. My point was/is, commenting on how well cared for the horse has been goes a lot further than you suck as a rider and I want my horse back because I think you can't ride. |
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 Keeper of the King Snake
Posts: 7622
Location: Dubach, LA | All this. In my experience, all beginners (including myself) go through a phase where they know everything and don't want help. She may either figure it out, or find someone else she'll listen to better than you. |
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Warmblood with Wings
Posts: 27846
Location: Florida.. | sophiebelle - 2015-08-01 3:05 PM Bibliafarm - 2015-08-01 10:00 AM sophiebelle - 2015-08-01 10:58 AM I would simply say that you regret selling the horse, you were in a tough bind and you truly appreciate your friend's help in caring for the horse for a year. Say that you honestly miss the horse and you would LOVE to buy her back and then help her look for another horse to purchase. That way you get your pony back and the friendship is salvageable. she wasnt caring for her horse for a year.... The friend bought the horse and its hers.
yes it does.LOL |
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