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Location: East of the Pecos | komet. - 2015-10-31 2:59 AM YES... It would make me mad..... He's been TOLD!! YES... You are being Drama----tic.... Check back with us in 20 years....
I predict we'll hear more bad about him within 2 yrs. Denial is not just a river in Egypt. | |
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 Elite Veteran
Posts: 600
Location: Oklahoma & Texas | I would flip my sh*t if I saw someone riding my horses without my permission... boundaries are important in any relationship...time to set some! I'd start with the girls at the barn too cause I would bet money they realize that's not cool...they took advantage of the situation with him there and not you...but Mr fiance needs to know too...if he's done this before and you were upset and now he did it again....I'd say he needs to respect you more than that. | |
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  Ms. Marine
Posts: 4627
Location: Texas | Would've been irate... | |
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 To the Left
Posts: 1865
Location: Florida | I am not sure which would have made me madder, him using my horse or him trying to impress teenage girls. Either way he sounds like you will never have a drama free relationship. | |
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 Fact Checker
Posts: 16572
Location: Displaced Iowegian | Bug Is Alive - 2015-10-31 12:22 PM komet. - 2015-10-31 2:59 AM YES... It would make me mad..... He's been TOLD!! YES... You are being Drama----tic.... Check back with us in 20 years.... I predict we'll hear more bad about him within 2 yrs. Denial is not just a river in Egypt.
If that long.......probably sooner! | |
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Member
Posts: 15
| This poor boy needs to run far and fast from this potential disastrous marriage........ | |
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Red Bull Agressive
Posts: 5981
Location: North Dakota | ccarpe18 - 2015-10-29 1:23 PM casualdust07 - 2015-10-29 11:14 AM Here's my perspective.. depends on these girls situations. There are some girls that are just horse crazy- we should all be able to relate- but don't have the blessing of getting horses like we do. When I was younger, my first reaction would have been to flip out. But, at this point in time, I welcome people to come out and see my horses, and let them ride with supervision. Yes, even our expensive 1D horses because they are actually three very gentle riding horses as long as we are within range to instruct them. I do understand the anger with having your fiance let someone ride without your permission. But at the same time, if my fiance was as knowledgeable about horses as you say, I would have trusted him in that situation. I would be VERY upset, however, if the girl got on my horse with no permission at all, or if someone at the barn i board at did that. In that instance, I would come unglued. I would hesitate to rip your fiance a new one over this. First off, he's actually out there with your horse, which is more than what some of us can say about our SOs. Second, he probably did it with good intentions. I would discuss it that he should ask first and respect your wishes whatever they may be, but... don't kill any passion he's got to be around your horses and that part of your life. Because, once they no longer give two ----- about what you do with the horses, or start to resent... you're in for real problems. Typically this is my perspective as well. But in every other case, he does not like my horse because she is grade. He only likes registered horses.
This type of scenario is the only time he pays any attention to my horse. Other than randomly throwing them some hay when I am at work in the morning. On the other hand, my other horse... 3 yr old andalusian stud cold (registered), he loves. BUT with this one, he mad handles when he get's drunk. My cold is extremely sensitive & intelligent & is now completely FREAKED out of him. So he's not allowed to mess with this one either. & he's not broke anyway.
Basically he likes to pretend the horses are his if he gets in a show off-y mood. 
Edited by cavyrunsbarrels 2015-11-02 2:10 PM
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 "Hottie"
Posts: 1373
Location: Okemah,OK | To be short and sweet...... Your fiancé is a child. A grown, mature, confident, well adjusted man does not act this way (abusing animals, ignoring your wishes, turning his mistakes into your fault, etc). I can't say whether he will ever grow up (some don't) but for now, he is nowhere near being man enough to get married. If you choose to stay with him, PLEASE wait for him to grow up before you get married. | |
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 Regular
Posts: 58
Location: Pa | I understand that from the outside looking in our opinions are hard to understand ... Later in life if he starts being abusive to you when he's drunk of sober you're going to wish you payed more attention to the " red flags " .. Believe me I know how hard it is. But try and think of all the immature crapy things he has done, if you were not the person in the relationship and it was one of your friends what honest advice would you give her? That will make you look at it from another angle | |
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 Extreme Veteran
Posts: 434
Location: Northwest Florida | OP -- Read This.
Take it from a 25 year old with two divorces under her belt. There are about 3478934 red flags that you are either choosing to ignore, or you are optimistically blind to because you want to believe you have found the right man to marry. I'm not saying you haven't, but if all that you have said is true, he isn't ready for marriage. Nor are you, if you don't have enough self worth to demand better treatment for yourself.
I'll start with the original post, and say that in short, what he did was put the interest of these two teenage girls in front of yours, his soon to be wife. That's not going to change. He may not use your horses anymore, but in time you will see that you still fall in the same slot on his list of priorities.
He says from now on your horses don't exist to him. What kind of immature, two-year old temper tantrum answer is that? "I can't lead high school girls around on them while you're away? FINE I won't touch them at all ever again!" Lol. Really? He needs to be an adult and treat them with respect and respect your wishes. Is that too much to ask?
He gets drunk and manhandles him? And you justify that by saying "it's not abuse, it's just in a way I don't like"... Does that make it ok? Should he not treat YOUR horse in the way YOU wish for him to be treated?
I mean he doesn't HIT him, so that means it's not ABUSE right? that's what I used to say about myself, until it escalated and there was no denying it anymore. Don't let it get that far.
More importantly, don't put future children in that position one day.
If your horse is scared of him then you should be too. They are much better judges of character than we are. Animals have no optimistic bias. They see the truth in people when we may try to deny it ourselves.
You are probably thinking I'm some crazy person that's taking this way too far, but having been were I've been it's impossible for me to stay quiet when I read or hear about situations like this. I hope I didn't offend, and please feel free to PM me. | |
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Fact Checker
Posts: 16572
Location: Displaced Iowegian | BigStarBound - 2015-11-03 9:18 AM OP -- Read This. Take it from a 25 year old with two divorces under her belt. There are about 3478934 red flags that you are either choosing to ignore, or you are optimistically blind to because you want to believe you have found the right man to marry. I'm not saying you haven't, but if all that you have said is true, he isn't ready for marriage. Nor are you, if you don't have enough self worth to demand better treatment for yourself. I'll start with the original post, and say that in short, what he did was put the interest of these two teenage girls in front of yours, his soon to be wife. That's not going to change. He may not use your horses anymore, but in time you will see that you still fall in the same slot on his list of priorities. He says from now on your horses don't exist to him. What kind of immature, two-year old temper tantrum answer is that? "I can't lead high school girls around on them while you're away? FINE I won't touch them at all ever again!" Lol. Really? He needs to be an adult and treat them with respect and respect your wishes. Is that too much to ask? He gets drunk and manhandles him? And you justify that by saying "it's not abuse, it's just in a way I don't like"... Does that make it ok? Should he not treat YOUR horse in the way YOU wish for him to be treated? I mean he doesn't HIT him, so that means it's not ABUSE right? that's what I used to say about myself, until it escalated and there was no denying it anymore. Don't let it get that far. More importantly, don't put future children in that position one day. If your horse is scared of him then you should be too. They are much better judges of character than we are. Animals have no optimistic bias. They see the truth in people when we may try to deny it ourselves. You are probably thinking I'm some crazy person that's taking this way too far, but having been were I've been it's impossible for me to stay quiet when I read or hear about situations like this. I hope I didn't offend, and please feel free to PM me.
Boy.....did you ever hit the nail on the head....people should listen to their horses and dogs. They are great judges of "character"! | |
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 Elite Veteran
Posts: 933
Location: north dakota | BigStarBound - 2015-11-03 9:18 AM
OP -- Read This.
Take it from a 25 year old with two divorces under her belt. There are about 3478934 red flags that you are either choosing to ignore, or you are optimistically blind to because you want to believe you have found the right man to marry. I'm not saying you haven't, but if all that you have said is true, he isn't ready for marriage. Nor are you, if you don't have enough self worth to demand better treatment for yourself.
I'll start with the original post, and say that in short, what he did was put the interest of these two teenage girls in front of yours, his soon to be wife. That's not going to change. He may not use your horses anymore, but in time you will see that you still fall in the same slot on his list of priorities.
He says from now on your horses don't exist to him. What kind of immature, two-year old temper tantrum answer is that? "I can't lead high school girls around on them while you're away? FINE I won't touch them at all ever again!" Lol. Really? He needs to be an adult and treat them with respect and respect your wishes. Is that too much to ask?
He gets drunk and manhandles him? And you justify that by saying "it's not abuse, it's just in a way I don't like"... Does that make it ok? Should he not treat YOUR horse in the way YOU wish for him to be treated?
I mean he doesn't HIT him, so that means it's not ABUSE right? that's what I used to say about myself, until it escalated and there was no denying it anymore. Don't let it get that far.
More importantly, don't put future children in that position one day.
If your horse is scared of him then you should be too. They are much better judges of character than we are. Animals have no optimistic bias. They see the truth in people when we may try to deny it ourselves.
You are probably thinking I'm some crazy person that's taking this way too far, but having been were I've been it's impossible for me to stay quiet when I read or hear about situations like this. I hope I didn't offend, and please feel free to PM me.
I don't think anyone has mentioned it but if he doesn't respect you and your animals what kind of Dad do you think he will be? | |
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 A Somebody to Everybody
Posts: 41354
Location: Under The Big Sky Of Texas | 
I went back to reread the OP's post and she say's that they live on his familys property sorry that I jumped the gun here, but I wonder do they all live together? If so maybe they belive in what is yours is mind too if all the OP's animals are there. Since they are old school Mexico this could be how they see it.
Edited by Southtxponygirl 2015-11-03 10:03 AM
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Extreme Veteran
Posts: 434
Location: Northwest Florida | That's what I was trying to touch on by suggesting she not put kids in that situation.
I was in a position once where I was trying to hold my dog in my lap, thinking he can't do anything to me while I'm holding my dog. Boy was I wrong.
I'm not yet a parent, but I know the pain of watching your animal get abused while you sit there helpless, and knowing you are the one to blame for putting them in that situation to begin with. I can't imagine it being your own child.
Again, I don't mean to come across as overreacting, but I know a red flag when I see one. (or many). | |
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 Expert
Posts: 3815
Location: The best kept secret in TX | BigStarBound - 2015-11-03 9:18 AM OP -- Read This. Take it from a 25 year old with two divorces under her belt. There are about 3478934 red flags that you are either choosing to ignore, or you are optimistically blind to because you want to believe you have found the right man to marry. I'm not saying you haven't, but if all that you have said is true, he isn't ready for marriage. Nor are you, if you don't have enough self worth to demand better treatment for yourself. I'll start with the original post, and say that in short, what he did was put the interest of these two teenage girls in front of yours, his soon to be wife. That's not going to change. He may not use your horses anymore, but in time you will see that you still fall in the same slot on his list of priorities. He says from now on your horses don't exist to him. What kind of immature, two-year old temper tantrum answer is that? "I can't lead high school girls around on them while you're away? FINE I won't touch them at all ever again!" Lol. Really? He needs to be an adult and treat them with respect and respect your wishes. Is that too much to ask? He gets drunk and manhandles him? And you justify that by saying "it's not abuse, it's just in a way I don't like"... Does that make it ok? Should he not treat YOUR horse in the way YOU wish for him to be treated? I mean he doesn't HIT him, so that means it's not ABUSE right? that's what I used to say about myself, until it escalated and there was no denying it anymore. Don't let it get that far. More importantly, don't put future children in that position one day. If your horse is scared of him then you should be too. They are much better judges of character than we are. Animals have no optimistic bias. They see the truth in people when we may try to deny it ourselves. You are probably thinking I'm some crazy person that's taking this way too far, but having been were I've been it's impossible for me to stay quiet when I read or hear about situations like this. I hope I didn't offend, and please feel free to PM me. Coming from an extremely abusive relationship 6 years ago I have to agree with all of this.
Might I add we aren't here to be mean, tell you that you're wrong, or bash you for your actions or your words. We've simply been there and don't want you to go there either.
Call us crazy, but you've thrown a good handful of red flags out there.
Don't make the mistake we did. Don't make excuses. There are plenty of fish in the sea who would give anything to have a great girl and to treat her right. Run now. Far and fast. Protect your future children, protect your animals and protect yourself. You're second place to all other things in his life. You're worth more than that....
Edited by IRunOnFaith 2015-11-03 11:21 AM
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Expert
Posts: 3815
Location: The best kept secret in TX | BigStarBound - 2015-11-03 9:47 AM That's what I was trying to touch on by suggesting she not put kids in that situation. I was in a position once where I was trying to hold my dog in my lap, thinking he can't do anything to me while I'm holding my dog. Boy was I wrong. I'm not yet a parent, but I know the pain of watching your animal get abused while you sit there helpless, and knowing you are the one to blame for putting them in that situation to begin with. I can't imagine it being your own child. Again, I don't mean to come across as overreacting, but I know a red flag when I see one. (or many).
I can relate... It's a nauseating feeling... I thought this once as well. Boy was I wrong... They take it out on the dog first, then you come next. It's terrible. 
6 years laster and I'm glad I have me a teddy bear now.... The same dog even comes to him tail wagging wanting scaratches... I knew he was a genuine person when she came to him tail wagging the frist time she met him.  | |
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 Extreme Veteran
Posts: 443
Location: Southern IL somewhere between KY and MO | First of all WTH is your man doing with a couple of teenage girls that would **** me off more then the horseriding but that is the icing on the cake, believe me. If he can't respect you on either level it is time to move him on out. | |
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Regular
Posts: 58
Location: Pa | IRunOnFaith - 2015-11-03 10:46 AM
BigStarBound - 2015-11-03 9:18 AM OP -- Read This. Take it from a 25 year old with two divorces under her belt. There are about 3478934 red flags that you are either choosing to ignore, or you are optimistically blind to because you want to believe you have found the right man to marry. I'm not saying you haven't, but if all that you have said is true, he isn't ready for marriage. Nor are you, if you don't have enough self worth to demand better treatment for yourself. I'll start with the original post, and say that in short, what he did was put the interest of these two teenage girls in front of yours, his soon to be wife. That's not going to change. He may not use your horses anymore, but in time you will see that you still fall in the same slot on his list of priorities. He says from now on your horses don't exist to him. What kind of immature, two-year old temper tantrum answer is that? "I can't lead high school girls around on them while you're away? FINE I won't touch them at all ever again!" Lol. Really? He needs to be an adult and treat them with respect and respect your wishes. Is that too much to ask? He gets drunk and manhandles him? And you justify that by saying "it's not abuse, it's just in a way I don't like"... Does that make it ok? Should he not treat YOUR horse in the way YOU wish for him to be treated? I mean he doesn't HIT him, so that means it's not ABUSE right? that's what I used to say about myself, until it escalated and there was no denying it anymore. Don't let it get that far. More importantly, don't put future children in that position one day. If your horse is scared of him then you should be too. They are much better judges of character than we are. Animals have no optimistic bias. They see the truth in people when we may try to deny it ourselves. You are probably thinking I'm some crazy person that's taking this way too far, but having been were I've been it's impossible for me to stay quiet when I read or hear about situations like this. I hope I didn't offend, and please feel free to PM me. Coming from an extremely abusive relationship 6 years ago I have to agree with all of this.
Might I add we aren't here to be mean, tell you that you're wrong, or bash you for your actions or your words. We've simply been there and don't want you to go there either.
Call us crazy, but you've thrown a good handful of red flags out there.
Don't make the mistake we did. Don't make excuses. There are plenty of fish in the sea who would give anything to have a great girl and to treat her right. Run now. Far and fast. Protect your future children, protect your animals and protect yourself. You're second place to all other things in his life. You're worth more than that....
This this this.. Take it from us who have been in the situation and wish we had people telling us to run | |
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