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| I grew up around my husband's family and have always had a good relationship with them however, when we got married (5 yrs ago) and then had kids, my MIL has slowly started being very mean and aggressive toward my husband and I. I have always dismissed it and let the passive aggressive comments slide because I knew she was just trying to pick a fight with me or have me open the door so that she could tell me how she "really" feels.
Yesterday, she freaked out on everyone. I tried to talk to her but she just shuts me out, cries, and says something along the lines of "I don't want y'all to have to worry about how I feel...".
I'm not sure what I'm dealing with here and would like to keep the peace and remain respectful while also standing my ground.
I confided in my Mom because she is a member of the old school call it like it is club and will always tell me if I'm in the wrong but she is scratching her head on this one too.
Help!!! |
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  Fact Checker
Posts: 16575
  
Location: Displaced Iowegian | Has she had a health check-up.....health problems or depression will make people lash out at others. |
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 794
| Get her in for a full check up with a good Dr. not the old family Dr. but a really good one that will look at the whole picture. It sounds like she may be developing some depression and yes it can begin at a later age. Just because she has not always has these symptom does not mean she doesn't have some depression now. |
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 Mouhahaha
Posts: 1786
Location: British Columbia | cavlier - 2017-02-05 3:14 PM
Get her in for a full check up with a good Dr. not the old family Dr. but a really good one that will look at the whole picture. It sounds like she may be developing some depression and yes it can begin at a later age. Just because she has not always has these symptom does not mean she doesn't have some depression now.
Lol while this is good advice, don't "get her in for a good check up", maybe put it in her husbands ear or your own husband's ear or ask her if she's been feeling different lately and make a light suggestion. Having had a mother in law I did not get along with, I would NEVER have suggested outright something like that, as she did not see me as one of her own.
Edited by TMEquine 2017-02-05 5:34 PM
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Extreme Veteran
Posts: 380
| How old is your mother-in-law? |
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 Angel in a Sorrel Coat
Posts: 16030
Location: In a happy place | It sure sounds like she could be dealing with depression like Norma said. Not to scare you she could have a major medical issue beside depression. Not knowing her I wouldn't know how to convince her to see a doctor. |
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| She will be 60 in two months. |
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Extreme Veteran
Posts: 380
| BigMomma - 2017-02-05 8:53 PM
She will be 60 in two months.
Yeah I would figure out a way to get her physician informed. My mother-in-law is in her 70s now but we noticed some changes in her behavior a while ago. She started getting very short with people and even yelling at people. She started doing odd things like pulling hot pans out of the oven without oven mitts. Mixing up Mac and cheese while the pasta is still in the strainer. Forgetting her bother died last year. Going to the bank and forgetting why she was there and needing to call for help. She is not as social anymore, her clothes are not neat or matching so she looks disheveled often. Using words incorrectly "English lit professor". She is not like that all of the time. It's hit and miss but getting more frequent.
Her father was a neurologist who developed dementia and her mother died of alzimers. So she is not completely clueless as to what was going on. But she decided not to get treatment.
Now I am not saying that this is absolutely what is going on with your mother in law. But the extreme emotion and lashing out could be signs of cognitive changes. |
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| Thank y'all for the help! |
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 My Heart Be Happy
Posts: 9159
Location: Arkansas | SloRide - 2017-02-05 9:37 PM
BigMomma - 2017-02-05 8:53 PM
She will be 60 in two months.
Yeah I would figure out a way to get her physician informed. My mother-in-law is in her 70s now but we noticed some changes in her behavior a while ago. She started getting very short with people and even yelling at people. She started doing odd things like pulling hot pans out of the oven without oven mitts. Mixing up Mac and cheese while the pasta is still in the strainer. Forgetting her bother died last year. Going to the bank and forgetting why she was there and needing to call for help. She is not as social anymore, her clothes are not neat or matching so she looks disheveled often. Using words incorrectly "English lit professor". She is not like that all of the time. It's hit and miss but getting more frequent.
Her father was a neurologist who developed dementia and her mother died of alzimers. So she is not completely clueless as to what was going on. But she decided not to get treatment.
Now I am not saying that this is absolutely what is going on with your mother in law. But the extreme emotion and lashing out could be signs of cognitive changes.
Oh my this sounds so much like my grandmother. She was diagnosed with dementia not long after these changes showed up. She has since passed away, but it was unreal how she got mean and antagonistic so fast. . . . |
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Tried and True
Posts: 21185
Location: Where I am happiest | Why dont you just invite her out to lunch and sit down and actually talk to her? Ask her nicely what is going on as you can sense something is bothering her. Dont be confrontational at all, just listen and let her speak. Thats the adult loving way to get to the bottom of what is bothering her. |
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Go Get Em!
Posts: 13503
Location: OH. IO | ThreeCorners - 2017-02-06 7:19 AM
Why dont you just invite her out to lunch and sit down and actually talk to her? Ask her nicely what is going on as you can sense something is bothering her. Dont be confrontational at all, just listen and let her speak. Thats the adult loving way to get to the bottom of what is bothering her.
This is where I would start as well. |
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 Expert
Posts: 3815
Location: The best kept secret in TX | My mother went through this during Menopause... Doctor gave her some all natural supplements and it evened out her horomones. She was back to her old self in no time.
She would cry and cry and cry because of the littlest things and get raging mad about little things as well and those two feelings were sometimes both felt in a matter of minutes. She eventually went to see a therapist that our church provides to the women in our church who suggested she see a certain doctor here in town. A few months later she's a complete 180. Very mellow like her younger self. Very patient. Very kind. She's Momma again. I wish I could remember what the supplements were...
Get a full work up from a doctor who specializes in older women's help. If one chemical in our bodies/brains gets off we become completely different people. Prayers for you and your MIL. Also, I think it is so great that you are reaching out for help instead of complaining about her or her actions.  |
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Extreme Veteran
Posts: 380
| Chandler's Mom - 2017-02-05 10:38 PM
SloRide - 2017-02-05 9:37 PM
BigMomma - 2017-02-05 8:53 PM
She will be 60 in two months.
Yeah I would figure out a way to get her physician informed. My mother-in-law is in her 70s now but we noticed some changes in her behavior a while ago. She started getting very short with people and even yelling at people. She started doing odd things like pulling hot pans out of the oven without oven mitts. Mixing up Mac and cheese while the pasta is still in the strainer. Forgetting her bother died last year. Going to the bank and forgetting why she was there and needing to call for help. She is not as social anymore, her clothes are not neat or matching so she looks disheveled often. Using words incorrectly "English lit professor". She is not like that all of the time. It's hit and miss but getting more frequent.
Her father was a neurologist who developed dementia and her mother died of alzimers. So she is not completely clueless as to what was going on. But she decided not to get treatment.
Now I am not saying that this is absolutely what is going on with your mother in law. But the extreme emotion and lashing out could be signs of cognitive changes.
Oh my this sounds so much like my grandmother. She was diagnosed with dementia not long after these changes showed up. She has since passed away, but it was unreal how she got mean and antagonistic so fast. . . .
Sorry about your Grandmother. My MIL told me stories about caring for her mother and father until they passed. Very hard work mentally and physically. I told my husband to not take anything personal when and if she ever lashes out. And almost all of her ugliness has been directed at me. I know better and just let it roll off my back. My MIL is a naturally sweet, smart and diplomatic person so it can be unsettling to see her go into a rage. |
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| This is great advice. Thanks everyone!!! |
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 Straight Shooter
Posts: 5725
Location: SW North Dakota | jake16 - 2017-02-06 6:37 AM ThreeCorners - 2017-02-06 7:19 AM Why dont you just invite her out to lunch and sit down and actually talk to her? Ask her nicely what is going on as you can sense something is bothering her. Dont be confrontational at all, just listen and let her speak. Thats the adult loving way to get to the bottom of what is bothering her. This is where I would start as well.
I agree. Be careful about the words "I" and "you." Be empathetic, and show her you want to help her feel her best, without accusing her of being an ol' hag. (LOL) Be a trusted shoulder to lean on, if she'll let you. Good Luck!!  |
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My Heart Be Happy
Posts: 9159
Location: Arkansas | SloRide - 2017-02-06 8:46 AM
Chandler's Mom - 2017-02-05 10:38 PM
SloRide - 2017-02-05 9:37 PM
BigMomma - 2017-02-05 8:53 PM
She will be 60 in two months.
Yeah I would figure out a way to get her physician informed. My mother-in-law is in her 70s now but we noticed some changes in her behavior a while ago. She started getting very short with people and even yelling at people. She started doing odd things like pulling hot pans out of the oven without oven mitts. Mixing up Mac and cheese while the pasta is still in the strainer. Forgetting her bother died last year. Going to the bank and forgetting why she was there and needing to call for help. She is not as social anymore, her clothes are not neat or matching so she looks disheveled often. Using words incorrectly "English lit professor". She is not like that all of the time. It's hit and miss but getting more frequent.
Her father was a neurologist who developed dementia and her mother died of alzimers. So she is not completely clueless as to what was going on. But she decided not to get treatment.
Now I am not saying that this is absolutely what is going on with your mother in law. But the extreme emotion and lashing out could be signs of cognitive changes.
Oh my this sounds so much like my grandmother. She was diagnosed with dementia not long after these changes showed up. She has since passed away, but it was unreal how she got mean and antagonistic so fast. . . .
Sorry about your Grandmother. My MIL told me stories about caring for her mother and father until they passed. Very hard work mentally and physically. I told my husband to not take anything personal when and if she ever lashes out. And almost all of her ugliness has been directed at me. I know better and just let it roll off my back. My MIL is a naturally sweet, smart and diplomatic person so it can be unsettling to see her go into a rage.
I hope things get better for her. It is so hard to watch these type things happen to people we love, knowing we can't fix it. Prayers for all of you  |
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 1074
| I agree with a good checkup. I've seen dementia even cause people to have a change in personality. Something is definitely going on. |
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