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 Reaching for the stars....
Posts: 12708
   
| Gunner11 - 2018-03-26 9:31 AM That's amazing!! The only advice I can give is to take it slow and don't have high expectations. She could continue to deny you and have no desire to meet you. Don't take it personally, you don't know what's going on in her mind. She could be completely embarrassed that she had to make that decision (like if she got pregnant out of wedlock and was forced/shamed into giving you up) and has spent her whole life suppressing those emotions. There are counselors who specialize in reuniting families and help facilitate positive interactions, so if you're feeling overwhelmed or think it could be a difficult situation, I strongly suggest looking into professional help. Good luck, that's so exciting!!
My bio family tree is very complex. My two aunts (twins) are also adoptees. They are half sisters to my bio mother. I have a full brother and two full sisters, plus a half brother from my bio father. My aunts and full brother are very communicative and want to meet me and my daughter.
My bio mother did contact Kansas and let them know she was not interested in contact at this time. That hurts. But I was told that I was an 'oops' baby and assumed that meant I was from older parents, so I also assumed that meant since my mother had passed that chances were high that my bio mother had also. Not the case. My siblings and I came in a space of 5 years, with my bio mother being 16 when my full brother was born, and 21 when I was born.
Also complicating, or making the situation more interesting, is that I gave my daughter up for adoption. I have personal experience both as an adoptee and as one who has given up a child for adoption.
I hope my bio mother will change her mind in time. But if she doesn't I will understand. Different people handle the loss and guilt in different ways. I carried my pain of loss and guilts at the front of 'me' for the 19 years my daughter was not in my life. The pain ended when we made contact again 11 years ago, and the guilt is much reduced - just little nigs here and there. But I faced it fully every day, and still do, so it is easier to put to bed and go on and have a healthy life.
In the meantime - I have two wonderful and crazy (by their admission - but good crazy) aunts and a big bro who is already chomping at the bit to meet! I just have to work all this into a busy show season. I now know that the horses have become a true addiction since I can't seem to put them aside for this new development!!!
I've never been part of a family. I hope they will be OK with my loner ways. | |
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 Cute Little Imp
Posts: 2747
Location: N Texas | lonely va barrelxr - 2018-03-26 9:39 AM
Gunner11 - 2018-03-26 9:31 AM That's amazing!! The only advice I can give is to take it slow and don't have high expectations. She could continue to deny you and have no desire to meet you. Don't take it personally, you don't know what's going on in her mind. She could be completely embarrassed that she had to make that decision (like if she got pregnant out of wedlock and was forced/shamed into giving you up) and has spent her whole life suppressing those emotions. There are counselors who specialize in reuniting families and help facilitate positive interactions, so if you're feeling overwhelmed or think it could be a difficult situation, I strongly suggest looking into professional help. Good luck, that's so exciting!!
My bio family tree is very complex. My two aunts (twins) are also adoptees. They are half sisters to my bio mother. I have a full brother and two full sisters, plus a half brother from my bio father. My aunts and full brother are very communicative and want to meet me and my daughter.
My bio mother did contact Kansas and let them know she was not interested in contact at this time. That hurts. But I was told that I was an 'oops' baby and assumed that meant I was from older parents, so I also assumed that meant since my mother had passed that chances were high that my bio mother had also. Not the case. My siblings and I came in a space of 5 years, with my bio mother being 16 when my full brother was born, and 21 when I was born.
Also complicating, or making the situation more interesting, is that I gave my daughter up for adoption. I have personal experience both as an adoptee and as one who has given up a child for adoption.
I hope my bio mother will change her mind in time. But if she doesn't I will understand. Different people handle the loss and guilt in different ways. I carried my pain of loss and guilts at the front of 'me' for the 19 years my daughter was not in my life. The pain ended when we made contact again 11 years ago, and the guilt is much reduced - just little nigs here and there. But I faced it fully every day, and still do, so it is easier to put to bed and go on and have a healthy life.
In the meantime - I have two wonderful and crazy (by their admission - but good crazy) aunts and a big bro who is already chomping at the bit to meet! I just have to work all this into a busy show season. I now know that the horses have become a true addiction since I can't seem to put them aside for this new development!!!
I've never been part of a family. I hope they will be OK with my loner ways.
That's awesome that you've found bio relatives that are eager to meet! It's too bad your bio mom feels that way, but she probably doesn't want to face and/or relive that pain of giving you up. I know that hurts, but like you said, maybe she'll come around in time. She might be worried that you hate her. Of course these are all speculations and you may never know her reasons, but at least you've found a few supportive family members  | |
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 Expert
Posts: 3815
Location: The best kept secret in TX | Gunner11 - 2018-03-26 10:35 AM
lonely va barrelxr - 2018-03-26 9:39 AM
Gunner11 - 2018-03-26 9:31 AM That's amazing!! The only advice I can give is to take it slow and don't have high expectations. She could continue to deny you and have no desire to meet you. Don't take it personally, you don't know what's going on in her mind. She could be completely embarrassed that she had to make that decision (like if she got pregnant out of wedlock and was forced/shamed into giving you up) and has spent her whole life suppressing those emotions. There are counselors who specialize in reuniting families and help facilitate positive interactions, so if you're feeling overwhelmed or think it could be a difficult situation, I strongly suggest looking into professional help. Good luck, that's so exciting!!
My bio family tree is very complex. My two aunts (twins) are also adoptees. They are half sisters to my bio mother. I have a full brother and two full sisters, plus a half brother from my bio father. My aunts and full brother are very communicative and want to meet me and my daughter.
My bio mother did contact Kansas and let them know she was not interested in contact at this time. That hurts. But I was told that I was an 'oops' baby and assumed that meant I was from older parents, so I also assumed that meant since my mother had passed that chances were high that my bio mother had also. Not the case. My siblings and I came in a space of 5 years, with my bio mother being 16 when my full brother was born, and 21 when I was born.
Also complicating, or making the situation more interesting, is that I gave my daughter up for adoption. I have personal experience both as an adoptee and as one who has given up a child for adoption.
I hope my bio mother will change her mind in time. But if she doesn't I will understand. Different people handle the loss and guilt in different ways. I carried my pain of loss and guilts at the front of 'me' for the 19 years my daughter was not in my life. The pain ended when we made contact again 11 years ago, and the guilt is much reduced - just little nigs here and there. But I faced it fully every day, and still do, so it is easier to put to bed and go on and have a healthy life.
In the meantime - I have two wonderful and crazy (by their admission - but good crazy) aunts and a big bro who is already chomping at the bit to meet! I just have to work all this into a busy show season. I now know that the horses have become a true addiction since I can't seem to put them aside for this new development!!!
I've never been part of a family. I hope they will be OK with my loner ways.
That's awesome that you've found bio relatives that are eager to meet! It's too bad your bio mom feels that way, but she probably doesn't want to face and/or relive that pain of giving you up. I know that hurts, but like you said, maybe she'll come around in time. She might be worried that you hate her. Of course these are all speculations and you may never know her reasons, but at least you've found a few supportive family members
I agree. She may feel like it's a bad idea. I think that if you have her email and you send her an email as to why you want to meet she may come around. And if she doesn't at least you have your big brother and aunts. I think with more contact from them your bio mom will eventually hear them telling stories, etc and contact you.
I am so happy for all these good things that have happened in your life lately! You may need to change your name on here ;) Hehe | |
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Reaching for the stars....
Posts: 12708
| IRunOnFaith - 2018-03-26 12:31 PM Gunner11 - 2018-03-26 10:35 AM lonely va barrelxr - 2018-03-26 9:39 AM Gunner11 - 2018-03-26 9:31 AM That's amazing!! The only advice I can give is to take it slow and don't have high expectations. She could continue to deny you and have no desire to meet you. Don't take it personally, you don't know what's going on in her mind. She could be completely embarrassed that she had to make that decision (like if she got pregnant out of wedlock and was forced/shamed into giving you up) and has spent her whole life suppressing those emotions. There are counselors who specialize in reuniting families and help facilitate positive interactions, so if you're feeling overwhelmed or think it could be a difficult situation, I strongly suggest looking into professional help. Good luck, that's so exciting!!
My bio family tree is very complex. My two aunts (twins) are also adoptees. They are half sisters to my bio mother. I have a full brother and two full sisters, plus a half brother from my bio father. My aunts and full brother are very communicative and want to meet me and my daughter.
My bio mother did contact Kansas and let them know she was not interested in contact at this time. That hurts. But I was told that I was an 'oops' baby and assumed that meant I was from older parents, so I also assumed that meant since my mother had passed that chances were high that my bio mother had also. Not the case. My siblings and I came in a space of 5 years, with my bio mother being 16 when my full brother was born, and 21 when I was born.
Also complicating, or making the situation more interesting, is that I gave my daughter up for adoption. I have personal experience both as an adoptee and as one who has given up a child for adoption.
I hope my bio mother will change her mind in time. But if she doesn't I will understand. Different people handle the loss and guilt in different ways. I carried my pain of loss and guilts at the front of 'me' for the 19 years my daughter was not in my life. The pain ended when we made contact again 11 years ago, and the guilt is much reduced - just little nigs here and there. But I faced it fully every day, and still do, so it is easier to put to bed and go on and have a healthy life.
In the meantime - I have two wonderful and crazy (by their admission - but good crazy) aunts and a big bro who is already chomping at the bit to meet! I just have to work all this into a busy show season. I now know that the horses have become a true addiction since I can't seem to put them aside for this new development!!!
I've never been part of a family. I hope they will be OK with my loner ways. That's awesome that you've found bio relatives that are eager to meet! It's too bad your bio mom feels that way, but she probably doesn't want to face and/or relive that pain of giving you up. I know that hurts, but like you said, maybe she'll come around in time. She might be worried that you hate her. Of course these are all speculations and you may never know her reasons, but at least you've found a few supportive family members I agree. She may feel like it's a bad idea. I think that if you have her email and you send her an email as to why you want to meet she may come around. And if she doesn't at least you have your big brother and aunts. I think with more contact from them your bio mom will eventually hear them telling stories, etc and contact you. I am so happy for all these good things that have happened in your life lately! You may need to change your name on here ; ) Hehe
My name came from way back in what - 2004?? Back then I didn't think there were many barrel racers here in Virginia. Horse per capita there aren't, and in the area I live in, Northern Virginia, there isn't, but there is still a good barrel racing family here. | |
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  Fact Checker
Posts: 16575
Location: Displaced Iowegian | Oh my goodness...I am so happy for you ..... IMO, your interactions with the family who are willing to meet with you will eventually soften the heart of your bio-mom ...... as you have stated, guilt is profound in those who give up a child ..... once she finds that you do not judge or hate her, I believe that she will come around ....Good Luck with your new horse AND your new family !!!!!!!!!! | |
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Expert
Posts: 3815
Location: The best kept secret in TX | lonely va barrelxr - 2018-03-26 11:56 AM IRunOnFaith - 2018-03-26 12:31 PM Gunner11 - 2018-03-26 10:35 AM lonely va barrelxr - 2018-03-26 9:39 AM Gunner11 - 2018-03-26 9:31 AM That's amazing!! The only advice I can give is to take it slow and don't have high expectations. She could continue to deny you and have no desire to meet you. Don't take it personally, you don't know what's going on in her mind. She could be completely embarrassed that she had to make that decision (like if she got pregnant out of wedlock and was forced/shamed into giving you up) and has spent her whole life suppressing those emotions. There are counselors who specialize in reuniting families and help facilitate positive interactions, so if you're feeling overwhelmed or think it could be a difficult situation, I strongly suggest looking into professional help. Good luck, that's so exciting!!
My bio family tree is very complex. My two aunts (twins) are also adoptees. They are half sisters to my bio mother. I have a full brother and two full sisters, plus a half brother from my bio father. My aunts and full brother are very communicative and want to meet me and my daughter.
My bio mother did contact Kansas and let them know she was not interested in contact at this time. That hurts. But I was told that I was an 'oops' baby and assumed that meant I was from older parents, so I also assumed that meant since my mother had passed that chances were high that my bio mother had also. Not the case. My siblings and I came in a space of 5 years, with my bio mother being 16 when my full brother was born, and 21 when I was born.
Also complicating, or making the situation more interesting, is that I gave my daughter up for adoption. I have personal experience both as an adoptee and as one who has given up a child for adoption.
I hope my bio mother will change her mind in time. But if she doesn't I will understand. Different people handle the loss and guilt in different ways. I carried my pain of loss and guilts at the front of 'me' for the 19 years my daughter was not in my life. The pain ended when we made contact again 11 years ago, and the guilt is much reduced - just little nigs here and there. But I faced it fully every day, and still do, so it is easier to put to bed and go on and have a healthy life.
In the meantime - I have two wonderful and crazy (by their admission - but good crazy) aunts and a big bro who is already chomping at the bit to meet! I just have to work all this into a busy show season. I now know that the horses have become a true addiction since I can't seem to put them aside for this new development!!!
I've never been part of a family. I hope they will be OK with my loner ways. That's awesome that you've found bio relatives that are eager to meet! It's too bad your bio mom feels that way, but she probably doesn't want to face and/or relive that pain of giving you up. I know that hurts, but like you said, maybe she'll come around in time. She might be worried that you hate her. Of course these are all speculations and you may never know her reasons, but at least you've found a few supportive family members I agree. She may feel like it's a bad idea. I think that if you have her email and you send her an email as to why you want to meet she may come around. And if she doesn't at least you have your big brother and aunts. I think with more contact from them your bio mom will eventually hear them telling stories, etc and contact you. I am so happy for all these good things that have happened in your life lately! You may need to change your name on here ; ) Hehe
Ah I see. Well before my time. I got to the party in 2009. I was a bit late. Per usual. | |
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