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Extreme Veteran
Posts: 421
Location: Central Iowa | I had a county job for 5 years. My current boss hired me away from the county for way more money and less hours.
I work 8:30-2pm every day. (its awesome)
My current boss is a single 65 year old man who owns his own business (Crop Insurance & Commodity Broker) that is located on his property out in the country. It is just him and I in the office every day working side by side. This is my issue. He is an alcoholic. He does not drink at work but continuously is hung over. I have now worked for him over 5 years now and have had to bail him out of jail 3 times. This past weekend I was at a rodeo with my family (husband and 2 little kids 3 & 7) and he called and asked if I could come bail him out again. My family and I went and got him and didn't get home until 2:30 in the morning. Ruined our entire weekend because we were all so exhausted. I am at work now and he just acts like nothing is wrong and he will get the charges dropped and all is normal.
On top of that he dates young women (like 20-25) I am 33 and when they come in the office and disrupt our work day it makes me uncomfortable. He wants me to be friends with them but I have never crossed that line with any of them as far am becoming anything more then my bosses girlfriend and I talk with them when they come into the office. This last girl he dated got into drugs really bad and when he broke up with her she would come to the office and scream and yell at both of us. She even crawled across my desk and got in my face and called me every name in the book. It got so bad that my boss left the office one day and as he was leaving he casually told me that if she shows up to lock all the office doors and don't let her in. Well guess what she showed up while he was gone and I was kept hostage in my office for ah hour and a half. He finally got back to the office and distracted her while I could leave.
I guess I just don't know what to do. I am so sick of all this drama. I love my job and he is great to work for besides all this extra crap.
I just don't know when I should be like enough is enough.
It really hurt me to bail him out of jail over the weekend because my father was an alcoholic and passed away last October. He was single and passes away in his home in Texas, I am in Iowa and wasn't found for a few days. I have been around alcoholics my entire life and it just hurts. My boss reminds me so much of my dad and he just doesn't see what he is doing to himself.
I just don't know what to do! My husband and I are starting a new business and I have my realtor license on inactive. I have thought about going back to that and really pushing our new business but the consistent paycheck is really needed at the moment.
Edited by ropinbuzz 2018-04-09 10:40 AM
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 A Somebody to Everybody
Posts: 41354
  
Location: Under The Big Sky Of Texas | Tell him what you just told this board, if he dont get help then you should move on to a different job, No job is worth all this in my books and having to go bail him out of jail,,, now that has crossed a fine thin line. NOT RIGHT AT ALL having to go bail your boss out of jail at 2 in the morning, with kids and hubby in toll.. |
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 Popped
Posts: 20421
Location: LuluLand~along I64 Indiana | im not sure why you felt you had to go while you were with family at a rodeo. if you had let him set till morning would your job be in jepordy?
Crazy lady i would have had the cops come remove her from the premisis. Or at least told her they were on the way.
To me it sounds like you do anything he asks even if it goes against what you think is right. im not sure why? do you not have enough of a relationship to talk to him about this. if not why? |
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 Party Girl
Posts: 12293
Location: Buffalo, Wyoming | There is no way no how my Husband would ever let me bail my boss out of jail. He got himself there he can get himself out!!!!
As far as all the other stuff have you ever tried to sit down and talk to your boss about it? If not I would see if he would be willing to listen and go from there. If he doesn't change then I think you know what your next step it. |
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 897
| UTAHCANCHASER - 2018-04-09 2:49 PM
There is no way no how my Husband would ever let me bail my boss out of jail.  He got himself there he can get himself out!!!!Â
As far as all the other stuff have you ever tried to sit down and talk to your boss about it? If not I would see if he would be willing to listen and go from there. If he doesn't change then I think you know what your next step it.
I agree 100%. My husband would NEVER let me bail my boss out of jail. Inappropriate. If you absolutely need this job, I would hold onto it and REALLY push your new business and go back to real estate in the meantime. Have you told him that you are not comfortable bailing him out of jail? |
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  Fact Checker
Posts: 16575
Location: Displaced Iowegian | The first thing that I would tell him tomorrow morning is that under NO circumstances will you accept a phone call from him before or after your work hours. He is free to leave a message but explain that you do NOT check them frequently. Then I would look for another job. |
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Married to a Louie Lover
Posts: 3303
| Leave. At bear minimum start looking.
You don’t need that. Edited to add - if being in the slammer several times hasn’t made him realize he needs help, then it’s not likely anything you say or do will cause an epiphany. How long before he gets himself seriously injured or killed because of it and you’re out a job overnight? Next his dating preferences - how long before one of these mentally unstable dandies shows up and does serious harm, thinks you’re another lady friend and attack’s you or worse? Or even how long before your sicko boss decides you’re his new love interest? Just saying, I don’t know what would make me more uncomfortable if I had to work alone with someone like that, the drinking or the company he’s keeping.
You have marketable skills in this state and shouldn’t have to put up with that.
PM me if you want suggestions, I’m in the same line of business and location.
Edited by OhMax 2018-04-10 10:33 AM
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 Cute Little Imp
Posts: 2747
Location: N Texas | Stop bailing him out. Period. You're enabling him and it won't stop because he's clearly not learning his lesson.
Sure, the pay and hours are great, but is it REALLY worth what you're going through??
STOP dropping everything in your life to go rescue him!!
If you're seriously being held hostage in your office because of some crazy broad, don't wait for him to get back, call the dang cops. This behavior is ridiculous and you shouldn't be putting up with it. |
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 Miss Laundry Misshap
Posts: 5271
| If any of my bosses had EVER called me to bail them out of jail, I'd have probably laughed at them and told them they were big enough to get arrested, they are big enough to sleep it off on a concrete slab.
You aren't doing him or yourself any favors. You family is suffering for a guy who has serious issues, and you aren't his family, his doc, therapist, or anything. YOU are a WORKER. That's it. While yes, I feel bad for the guy, I also think your life needs to focus on you and yours.
If he knows your husband, take him with you and have a flat out serious conversation with him. He will never call after hours, he will never put you in charge of fixing his relationship issues, he will not ---Fill in the blanks with what you need. Then if he doesn't like it. You walk away. Money is NOT the be all and end all, because really, this is an abusive relationship. |
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 Good Grief!
Posts: 6343
Location: Cap'n Joan Rotgut.....alberta | For starters i wouldn't answer his calls out side of work hours. .so no bailing him out..and the cops would be the first call when crazy exs show up at the office.....why are you enabling him so much...m |
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Expert
Posts: 1599
| This is the inherent problem in small businesses with no HR and a male owner with a female direct report. Not to the same extent as what you are dealing with, but I've been in this situation, my best friend is this situation. Lines are blurred between business and personal responsibilities far too easily.
I assume y'all are have a close friendship.....if you feel that you can speak to him in a sincere way and he will sincerely listen, tell him that you are concerned about his health and that his actions are also affecting your ability to do your job to the best of your ability. If he's a good guy he will make it right. If he's an a**hole...get another job.
My best friend had this conversation last week, and left with a 20k raise and an understanding that makes it worthwhile to her to stay. Ulitmately, it's up to you what your boundaries are (and if he can clean up his mess).
Agree with above that although you guys are close, you cannot always answer his calls. He's treating you like family, so sit him down and talk to him like a caring family member.
If he becomes defensive, there is your answer.
Edited by lopnaround 2018-04-12 3:10 PM
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