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Doggy Diaper Designer
Posts: 2322
 
Location: WI | I'm really curious what people say that have kids grown and gone. Do any of you regret giving up too many things for yourself while giving everything to your kid? An example might be that you gave up riding to watch him play football 3 days per week or whatever other sports etc they do.
Do you ever wish you would have spent just a little more time on yourself to show your kids how to do that?
I watch several people I know give up doing anything for themselves just to watch every single game or event or just to do nothing with the kids every single day.
Don't twist this, I'm not knocking mom's for this and I'm not saying any of it's bad, I'm just really curious.
I see many people do this and I really wonder what happens when kids leave home and you gave up everything you knew. Then what do you do?
Does anyone wish they would have done more for themselves while obviously still supporting the children appropriately? |
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I just read the headlines
Posts: 4483
| Nope, absolutely NO regrets at all. We did everything as a family and we are doing it again with my grandson. I made time for myself- I rode every evening that the kids didn’t have games or competitions, heifer shows. I went to barrel races when I could and barrel clinics once a year or so. But I did not ever miss any games or shows because I didn’t want to miss them. I got a bigger thrill watching my son pitch a winning game, intercept a pass against much taller, heavier kids, my daughter win on my mare, make regional band, make nationals in competition cheerleading and let me tell you, my heart about burst with pride when both kids won major shows with our bred and own Santa Gertrudis heifers. We won Texas State Championships with our heifers and bulls and even won the National Jr. show with our own, not to mention winning county livestock show with a Gert beating the haired heifers!
But, that was what worked for me. I fully realize that it isn’t every parents cup of tea. My DIL isn’t going to be like me and that is ok, but I will be at my grandson’s events just like I was for his dad.
To each his own.  |
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I just read the headlines
Posts: 4483
| I figured I get back to barrel racing after the kids were gone, however my interests have changed somewhat. Still have my horses but I am going to go in a different direction that may or may not lead me back to barrels. |
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 Saint Stacey
 
| Absolutely not. I raised a remarkable daughter! She is my best friend and she is fully aware as to what I gave up so she could pursue her childhood goals and dreams. She’s extremely appreciative of those sacrifices.
When I had her, I realized her childhood was a very small amount of time in my life. Watching HER win, lose and struggle was a greater gift to me than my own successes.
Not one regret from this momma. I’d do it all over the same way. Maybe with the exception of getting a colt to drag around for me. |
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 Shelter Dog Lover
Posts: 10277
| No, the flip side is it teaches them to support and love someone, I think most have the taking care of themselves, choosing to do what they want down. I stayed home with my 4, now I have grandkids, when they get into sports I will be skipping races to go watch them-no regrets, life is about choices, everyone needs to choose what works for them. |
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 Extreme Veteran
Posts: 599
| I have an 11 year old and a 9 year old with special needs. He’s in very competitive soccer (4-5 days/week), she’s in swim class once a week, and I go to shows when I can. I try to balance. I wish I could go to more shows, but not when it means my kids have to sit all day while I do my thing. |
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 Popped
Posts: 20421
Location: LuluLand~along I64 Indiana | i will say that i do have a few regrets.... but may be different than what you are asking. my husband and i each had children. i had a daughter and he had two sons. The boys came and went on our weekends. the daughter didnt have such structure with her father. our family seemed to stay split. she and i went the way of the horses. the boys usually stayed at the farm with the dad. my regret was we didnt do more together when they were young... it makes it harder now to be a family and not still have those divisional lines. Hindsight is 20/20 right?????
I firmly believe you will not regret spending time with your kids and family. There is plenty of time for you when the house gets quiet. and that wont take long very long. |
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 My Heart Be Happy
Posts: 9159
Location: Arkansas | I will simply say I don't think you can do too much for or spend too much time with your children. They're young years are gone in a flash, and trust me, I'll never say I wish I'd done more for Debra. . . I say almost daily tho i wish I'd done more for or spent more time with Chandler. He was in a Civil War memorial program today, and my heart almost burst when he rode up on his horse to represent the last Confederate soldier leaving Little Rock when the federals took it. I am so proud of that young man and what he's done and how he's handling what he's gone thru/is going thru. Most of y'all know our story, so I won't drag on. He's my heart, and I'm blessed to be his mother. |
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 A Somebody to Everybody
Posts: 41354
Location: Under The Big Sky Of Texas | No regrets what so ever, when you have children the time just pasts, well really flys by and befor you know it you're babys are having babys, I miss my boys so much being little/young boys, I miss being a mommie to them, I miss telling them its time to go to bed or time to get up, they are grown now the oldest is 37 and the baby is 28.. Some one said dont let children be a death sentence to your way of life on here a few weeks back and that didnt set well with me, I still did my barrel racing and rodeos I did what I wanted I have the best hubby that was the best daddy that always did something with them on the weekends when there was a barrel race or rodeo going on, when you are a mom or dad you cant help but want the best for your kido's, I dont think you can over parent your children, I loved being a parent, my only regret was not having that 3rd child..  |
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My Heart Be Happy
Posts: 9159
Location: Arkansas | Reading what you wonderful ladies have written makes me know there are some very good young men and women out there. . . . |
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  Neat Freak
Posts: 11216
Location: Wonderful Wyoming | Â I think there is a healthy balance. I go to 3 or 4 horse shows a year. At first I had to drag them along because my husband trucked. Now he's home on the ranch. I can count on both hands though how many nights I have spent a part from them. One boy is 6 and the other is 10. We live too far from town for school sports to work. Ranch life is more important and has more of a future than the likely hood of a sports scholarship. They do 4h instead which keeps us hoppin plenty. Anything else we do as a family, so don't really give up, but include them. I will say the last thing I want to raise is a self centered child that thinks everything we do should revolve around him. I was raised on tough love and so are they, they seem to understand how the world works and how to navigate it successfully.
Edited by wyoming barrel racer 2018-09-15 11:28 PM
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Addicted to Baseball
Location: Where the stars at night are big and bright, TX | Nope, no regrets. Mine aren't grown and gone but one is in high school this year and the other will be next year. I feel it's my duty to help them explore and discover who they are to be. Just as my parents gave me a leg up into my various interests, I do the same for my kids. I've been able to have horses all these years. Competing has been tough because of our location, not because of my kids. Now that they are older, they feel less inclined to chase every single activity and are coming into their own true talents, thus shedding some of their past pursuits and focusing on just a few. Because of this things have opened up some in my schedule and finances and I'm back to full time show jumping training. Life is about give and take, balance, juggle, stepping back and stepping ahead, it's about seasons of activities and time. If someone wants to give up all their past interests for their kids it's no one's business. They may not feel like doing what they did at 20 anyway. I feel more sorry for the kids who are an afterthought or are pushed/forced/drug into their parents own interests and have no heart for it themselves, just so the parent doesn't have to give up anything and calling that "family time".
Edited by Tilt The Kilt 2018-09-16 8:25 AM
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 I Prefer a Beard
Posts: 1944
| As my boys got older it got harder and harder to find the time for my horses and barrel racing. I quit riding about four years ago and just recently sold my last rideable horse. I still have an old retired mare I can go pet when I need my horse fix. To answer your question no I don’t regret it at all. My oldest son will graduate from high school this year and I’m already sad thinking about him moving on to college. My younger son will start high school next year. I have two amazing kids that I couldn’t be prouder of. I couldn’t imagine missing out on the things they have done over the years. I get so much joy watching them accomplish things. Time moves so fast and reality is my younger son will be moving on to college in five short years. I’m not sure horses and barrel racing are in my future I’ve found other hobbies I enjoy. But I do know if I choose to barrel race again it will be there when I’m ready.
Edited by caspersabelpip 2018-09-16 9:35 AM
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| I think it's a fine line everyone has to find for themselves.
I do think it is important to be there for your kids, to nuture and support their goals and dreams so they find that drive and fire in their life as well as building a strong relationship.
I also think it is important that kids see parents that have that same fire for their own goals. I have seen a lot of self-centered kids as a result of thinking the whole world is all about them, because it was all about them. And I have seen a lot of parents completely lost once the kids go off to college and they have no idea who they are or what they want anymore.
Ultimately I think the balance is different for everyone. Look how many dads and moms make it to the NFR every year. Look how many quit to parent full time and start up again after the kids are grown and gone. Everyone is trying to 'do it all and have it all' in life and sometimes it's a hard give and take. There is no right or wrong answer. |
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 Chicken Chick
Posts: 3562
Location: Texas | So from the Childs perspective. My mom went to every single game and practice from the time I can remember to my Senior year, no matter how many sports I was in. Same for my little sister. She didn't give up horses, but there were times that we couldn't do both in a day so she chose to go to my event. I respect her SO much for being present and just showing me she cared. My dad made 1 t-ball game and 1 varsity game, every other time he sat at home or whatever. I had a lot of... anger? towards him when he asked me how my game went. Everytime I just thought to myself "really? What do you care?"
I don't think my mom regrets her decision to put us first. She has never even hinted that she wishes she did anything different, or that she got to do more. Now she is at all of my son's games and all of my daughter's games, I would think if she had regrets she would be skipping more of those to do her own thing.
Now with my kids. I am at every single practice and game. I go early to pick my son up from football practice every day so I can watch the practice. 3 days a week we go to MMA immediately after practice. Now that my daughter is old enough for sports I make all of those also. My husband makes every game and practice unless he just can not get off work for it. He leaves work early often for games at odd times, but some days he just can't get away. My kids only miss their sibling's game/practice if they are at their own sporting event.
It is a family thing for us to support each other in whatever we are doing. I mean I could squeeze in horses... but right now it would just add more on my plate. When I am done raising my kids to the best of my ability, or I somehow get more time I will think about getting horses again. Now though... my kids are growing up SO fast and I don't want to miss a thing.
To me raising kids only takes up a small portion of your whole life, why not give them all you have at the time? |
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 Not Afraid to Work
Posts: 4717
| AnotherRound - 2018-09-16 7:12 PM
I think it's a fine line everyone has to find for themselves.
I do think it is important to be there for your kids, to nuture and support their goals and dreams so they find that drive and fire in their life as well as building a strong relationship.
I also think it is important that kids see parents that have that same fire for their own goals. I have seen a lot of self-centered kids as a result of thinking the whole world is all about them, because it was all about them. And I have seen a lot of parents completely lost once the kids go off to college and they have no idea who they are or what they want anymore.Â
Ultimately I think the balance is different for everyone. Look how many dads and moms make it to the NFR every year. Look how many quit to parent full time and start up again after the kids are grown and gone. Everyone is trying to 'do it all and have it all' in life and sometimes it's a hard give and take. There is no right or wrong answer.
I agree with this.
I was able to watch my Mom follow some dreams - attended night school when I was young, vaguely remember but I remember her bettering her life. She worked in sales, traveled a lot and my Dad works construction so long hours. They certainly didn't make it to everything but I am also very independent due to it. I also witnessed them climb their way up the ranks and be able to give themselves and us kids more and more. We have a great relationship and I adore them. |
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Doggy Diaper Designer
Posts: 2322
Location: WI | Very interesting read.
I don't have kids and chose not to have them mostly because I felt I was selfish and I want to do what I want to do. And I'm not married so kinda tough to have a baby with no spouse anyhow lol.
Reading this I also see how much my parents failed me and perhaps that's why I question those who do give up everything. |
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Shelter Dog Lover
Posts: 10277
| stef73433 - 2018-09-18 10:04 PM Very interesting read. I don't have kids and chose not to have them mostly because I felt I was selfish and I want to do what I want to do. And I'm not married so kinda tough to have a baby with no spouse anyhow lol. Reading this I also see how much my parents failed me and perhaps that's why I question those who do give up everything.
It’s not selfish to not want kids because you want to do what you want, that is making the right choice for you and there is nothing wrong with that at all. Most of us don’t view it as giving up everything but gaining that time and those new memories, there is a way to balance it and still get “me” time which I think is very important. |
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Industrial Srength Barrel Racer
Posts: 7264
| pinx05 - 2018-09-16 9:04 PM
So from the Childs perspective. My mom went to every single game and practice from the time I can remember to my Senior year, no matter how many sports I was in. Same for my little sister. She didn't give up horses, but there were times that we couldn't do both in a day so she chose to go to my event. I respect her SO much for being present and just showing me she cared. My dad made 1 t-ball game and 1 varsity game, every other time he sat at home or whatever. I had a lot of... anger? towards him when he asked me how my game went. Everytime I just thought to myself "really? What do you care?"
I don't think my mom regrets her decision to put us first. She has never even hinted that she wishes she did anything different, or that she got to do more. Now she is at all of my son's games and all of my daughter's games, I would think if she had regrets she would be skipping more of those to do her own thing.Â
Now with my kids. I am at every single practice and game. I go early to pick my son up from football practice every day so I can watch the practice. 3 days a week we go to MMA immediately after practice. Now that my daughter is old enough for sports I make all of those also. My husband makes every game and practice unless he just can not get off work for it. He leaves work early often for games at odd times, but some days he just can't get away. My kids only miss their sibling's game/practice if they are at their own sporting event.
It is a family thing for us to support each other in whatever we are doing. I mean I could squeeze in horses... but right now it would just add more on my plate. When I am done raising my kids to the best of my ability, or I somehow get more time I will think about getting horses again. Now though... my kids are growing up SO fast and I don't want to miss a thing.
To me raising kids only takes up a small portion of your whole life, why not give them all you have at the time?
My dad went to every game, every practice and coached my softball team in high school and beyond and I will never forget it. He got up and cooked bacon and eggs every morning - there was no cold cereal breakfasts. I was a very, very lucky kid! Dad was a grade school principal so it's not like he had much spare time, but he ALWAYS made time for me. I was so very blessed. |
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