Too serious???? No politics!

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Too serious???? No politics! Moderators: luluwhit, gotothewhip, cindyt, crossspur, ForumAdmin Jump to page :	Last activity 2020-10-31 4:31 PM 17 replies, 3271 views View previous thread :: View next thread
General Discussion -> Barrel Talk


NJJ Reg. Jul 2006	Posted 2020-10-28 4:16 PM Subject: Too serious???? No politics!
Fact Checker Posts: 16575 Location: Displaced Iowegian	1. If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented? 2. If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes? 3. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery? 4. If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled? 5. If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular? 6. Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker? 7. When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say? 8. Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a racing car not called a racist? 9. Why are a wise man and a wise guy opposites? 10. Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things? 11. Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one? (I like this one a lot!) 12. 'I am' is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that 'I do' is the longest sentence? 13. If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed? 14. I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks, so I wondered if Chinese mothers use toothpicks? 15. Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the postmen can look for them while they deliver the post? 16. You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive. 17. No one ever says, 'It's only a game' when their team is winning. 18. Ever wonder about those people who spend two pound a piece on those little bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backwards: 19. Isn't making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool? 20. If 4 out of 5 people suffer from diarrhea, does that mean that one enjoys it? 21. Why if you send something by road it is called a shipment, but when you send it by sea it is called cargo? Edited by NJJ 2020-10-28 4:18 PM
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vjls Reg. Mar 2005	Posted 2020-10-28 7:34 PM Subject: RE: Too serious???? No politics!
Miracle in the Making Posts: 4013	good 1
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Frodo Reg. Jul 2004	Posted 2020-10-29 5:39 AM Subject: RE: Too serious???? No politics!
"Heck's Coming With Me" Posts: 10797 Location: Kansas	....and how does it work that fat chance and slim chance mean the same thing in slang.
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Mighty Broke Reg. Jul 2004	Posted 2020-10-29 6:55 AM Subject: RE: Too serious???? No politics!
Guys Just Wanna Have Fun Posts: 5530 Location: OH	These are GREAT !!!!!!!!!!!!!
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vjls Reg. Mar 2005	Posted 2020-10-29 8:02 AM Subject: RE: Too serious???? No politics!
Miracle in the Making Posts: 4013	Frodo - 2020-10-29 6:39 AM ....and how does it work that fat chance and slim chance mean the same thing in slang. louise will say something
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bten Reg. Apr 2015	Posted 2020-10-29 8:33 AM Subject: RE: Too serious???? No politics!
Veteran Posts: 225 Location: Montgomery TX	Love these!!! Thank you for the comic relief!! Why do we park on driveways and drive on parkways?
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cranky B4 10am Reg. Dec 2009	Posted 2020-10-29 10:50 AM Subject: RE: Too serious???? No politics!
Witty Enough Posts: 2954 Location: CTX	Well, I was born in Holland, and have been called an a$$hole before..... so...close enough??? These are great!! Thanks!
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KindaClassey Reg. Sep 2011	Posted 2020-10-29 4:50 PM Subject: RE: Too serious???? No politics!
Extreme Veteran Posts: 489	Thanks for the chuckles. My favorite was #13
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bayonetquarterhorses Reg. May 2020	Posted 2020-10-29 5:22 PM Subject: RE: Too serious???? No politics!
Regular Posts: 64 Location: Sunny Florida	From my daughter Why can't orphans play baseball? They don't know there way home.
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Southtxponygirl Reg. Nov 2006	Posted 2020-10-29 6:17 PM Subject: RE: Too serious???? No politics!
A Somebody to Everybody Posts: 41354 Location: Under The Big Sky Of Texas	So cool Norma, heres a few that I have been saving for a long time. Did you ever noticed that when you blow in a dogs face, they get mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride he sticks his head out the window? What hair color do they put on a licenses of a bald man? Why is it that people say they slept like a baby, when babys wake up every 2 hours?
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Frodo Reg. Jul 2004	Posted 2020-10-30 6:55 AM Subject: RE: Too serious???? No politics!
"Heck's Coming With Me" Posts: 10797 Location: Kansas	Southtxponygirl - 2020-10-29 6:17 PM So cool Norma, heres a few that I have been saving for a long time. Did you ever noticed that when you blow in a dogs face, they get mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride he sticks his head out the window? What hair color do they put on a licenses of a bald man? Why is it that people say they slept like a baby, when babys wake up every 2 hours? ...and why do people say they work like a dog when our dog buddies mostly enjoy a life of sleeping, playing and eating.
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fulltiltfilly Reg. Dec 2008	Posted 2020-10-30 7:00 AM Subject: RE: Too serious???? No politics!
I hate cooking and cleaning Posts: 3314 Location: Jersey Girl	Sounds like things George Carlin would talk about..... Why do we park in a driveway and drive on a parkway? Why are they called apartments when they are all together? What does a dog do on his day off? He can't lay around because that's his job!
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Southtxponygirl Reg. Nov 2006	Posted 2020-10-30 9:22 AM Subject: RE: Too serious???? No politics!
A Somebody to Everybody Posts: 41354 Location: Under The Big Sky Of Texas	Frodo - 2020-10-30 6:55 AM Southtxponygirl - 2020-10-29 6:17 PM So cool Norma, heres a few that I have been saving for a long time. Did you ever noticed that when you blow in a dogs face, they get mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride he sticks his head out the window? What hair color do they put on a licenses of a bald man? Why is it that people say they slept like a baby, when babys wake up every 2 hours? ...and why do people say they work like a dog when our dog buddies mostly enjoy a life of sleeping, playing and eating. When you say I'm sweating like a pig, but pigs dont sweat..
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NJJ Reg. Jul 2006	Posted 2020-10-30 12:16 PM Subject: RE: Too serious???? No politics!
Fact Checker Posts: 16575 Location: Displaced Iowegian	LOL .... some of yours are funnier than the original ........
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Southtxponygirl Reg. Nov 2006	Posted 2020-10-30 2:53 PM Subject: RE: Too serious???? No politics!
A Somebody to Everybody Posts: 41354 Location: Under The Big Sky Of Texas	NJJ - 2020-10-30 12:16 PM LOL .... some of yours are funnier than the original ........ Who?!!!!
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NJJ Reg. Jul 2006	Posted 2020-10-30 3:19 PM Subject: RE: Too serious???? No politics!
Fact Checker Posts: 16575 Location: Displaced Iowegian	Southtxponygirl - 2020-10-30 2:53 PM NJJ - 2020-10-30 12:16 PM LOL .... some of yours are funnier than the original ........ Who?!!!! LOL .... you all did good ..... it is nice to have a little humor and fun here on BHW ......
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Southtxponygirl Reg. Nov 2006	Posted 2020-10-30 3:44 PM Subject: RE: Too serious???? No politics!
A Somebody to Everybody Posts: 41354 Location: Under The Big Sky Of Texas	NJJ - 2020-10-30 3:19 PM Southtxponygirl - 2020-10-30 2:53 PM NJJ - 2020-10-30 12:16 PM LOL .... some of yours are funnier than the original ........ Who?!!!! LOL .... you all did good ..... it is nice to have a little humor and fun here on BHW ...... I got more Texas slang, we always have something to say, LOL
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NJJ Reg. Jul 2006	Posted 2020-10-31 4:31 PM Subject: RE: Too serious???? No politics!
Fact Checker Posts: 16575 Location: Displaced Iowegian	More "interesting" thoughts ....... Advice from A Wise Old Man -Your fences need to be horse-high, pig-tight and bull-strong. -Keep skunks and bankers at a distance. -Life is simpler when you plow around the stump. -A bumble bee is considerably faster than a John Deere tractor. -Words that soak into your ears are whispered… not yelled. -Meanness don’t jes’ happen overnight. -Forgive your enemies; it messes up their heads. -Do not corner something that you know is meaner than you. -It don’t take a very big person to carry a grudge. -You cannot unsay a cruel word. -Every path has a few puddles. -When you wallow with pigs, expect to get dirty. -The best sermons are lived, not preached. -Most of the stuff people worry about ain’t never gonna happen anyway. -Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer. -Live a good, honorable life… Then when you get older and think back, you’ll enjoy it a second time. -Don‘t interfere with somethin’ that ain’t bothering you none. -Timing has a lot to do with the outcome of a Rain dance. -If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop diggin’. -Sometimes you get, and sometimes you get got. -The biggest troublemaker you’ll probably ever have to deal with, watches you from the mirror every mornin’. -Always drink upstream from the herd. -Good judgment comes from experience, and a lotta that comes from bad judgment. -Lettin’ the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier than puttin’ it back in. -If you get to thinkin’ you’re a person of some influence, try orderin’ somebody else’s dog around.. -Don’t pick a fight with an old man. If he is too old to fight, he’ll just kill you. -Most times, it comes down to common sense.
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