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Regular
Posts: 81
| 10 Ranch Women Facts
1. Always load your horse last in the trailer so it is the first one unloaded. By the time he's got his horse unloaded, you will have your cinch pulled and be mounted up ready to go - lessening the chance of him riding off without you with your horse trying to follow while you are still trying to get your foot in the stirrup.
2. Never - and I repeat never - ever believe the phrase "We'll be right back," when he has asked you to help him do something out on the ranch. The echoing words, "this will only take a little while" have filtered through generations of ranch wives and still today should invoke sincere distrust in the woman who hears them.
3. Always know there is NO romantic intention when he pleadingly asks you to take a ride in the pickup with him around the ranch while he checks waters and looks at cattle. What that sweet request really means is he wants someone to open and close the gates.
4. He will always expect you to quickly be able to find one stray in a four-section brush-covered pasture, but he will never be able to find the mayonnaise jar in four-square feet of refrigerator.
5. Count every head of everything you see - cattle especially, but sometimes horses, deer, quail or whatever moves. Count it in the gate, out the gate or on the horizon. The first time you don't count is when he will have expected that you did. That blank eyelash-batting look you give him when he asks "How many?" will not be acceptable.
6. Know that you will never be able to ride a horse or drive a pickup to suit him. Given the choice of jobs, choose throwing the feed off the back of the pickup. If he is on the back and you are driving, the opportunity for constant criticism of speed, ability and your eyesight will be utilized to the full extent. "How in the *@*# could you NOT see that hole?"
7. Never let yourself be on foot in the alley when he is sorting cattle horseback. When he has shoved 20 head of running, bucking, kicking yearlings at you and then hollers "Hold 'em, hold 'em" at the top of his lungs, don't think that you really can do it without loss of life or limb. Contrary to what he will lead you to believe, walking back to the house is always an option that has been used throughout time.
8. Don't expect him to correctly close the snap-on tops on the plastic refrigerator containers, but know he will expect you to always close every gate. His reasoning, the cows will get out; the food will not.
9. Always praise him when he helps in the kitchen - the very same way he does when you help with the ranch work - or not.
10. Know that when you step out of the house you move from the "wife" department to "hired hand" status. Although the word "hired" indicates there will be a paycheck that you will never see, rest assured you will have job security. The price is just right. And most of the time you will be "the best help he has" even if it is because you are the ONLY help he has.
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Location: Lost with the rest of the MINIONS! |  Every one of these is dead-on accurate! |
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 Undercover Amish Mafia Member
Posts: 9992
 
Location: Kansas | Thanks for sharing!  |
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 I Am Always Right
Posts: 4264
Location: stray dump capital of the world |  |
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 Special Somebody
Posts: 3951
Location: Finally horseback again.... | LOL!!! Laughing becasue I live each and every one of these and they are exactly correct!!!
Glad to know someone else understands too. |
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  Extreme Veteran
Posts: 494
Location: La Frontera | This one:
2. Never - and I repeat never - ever believe the phrase "We'll be right back," when he has asked you to help him do something out on the ranch. The echoing words, "this will only take a little while" have filtered through generations of ranch wives and still today should invoke sincere distrust in the woman who hears them.
Drives me CRAZY!!! "It will only take a couple hours," he says. Five or six hours later we get back .... |
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 Elite Veteran
Posts: 1100
Location: Southeastern Idaho | So awesome! We have to sort cattle on Saturday and I am DREADING IT! :) It is never as it seems with my husband...the day will morph into something entirely different than what he tells me! LOVE THESE! You nailed it!  |
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Expert
Posts: 1488
| That all seems fairly accurate
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 No Tune in a Bucket
Posts: 2935
Location: Texas | My husband likes to tell the story of when I retired and became his helper. When we got to a gate and I was expected to open it and said "if you need HELP opening the gate ...". Not a true story, but he likes to tell it. My being the helper lasted about a month, then I became the boss. I wasn't a supervisor for 30 years for nothing. lol |
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 Total Germophobe
Posts: 6443
Location: Montana | While I've not had those experiences with ranch work or a husband, I help my dad at his business and nothing ever just takes a little while. |
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Location: Keeping up with the numbers! | Loved these....I have become tone deaf due to I will never do these things to his exact liking. My nickname "GG" was passed down to my daughter a couple of years ago. Those not familiar with that term of endearment...."Gate Girl".....going back to why he wanted you along for the ride amongst other things. |
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 You just got to get mean and mean it.
Location: Arkansas | May I added one?
Never let them know you can drive a tractor!
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Folks on-line