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 I'm Here!!
Posts: 4583
  
Location: Is it Summer Yet? | I am a single mom, my son doesn't have a dad, therefore I don't get every other weekend. My parents will babysit for me, but they always make me feel like they're doing some great dead for me and I do nothing for them, so I don't like asking them. I was seeing this guy that would invite me to stuff my son could go to and then tell me my son wasn't invited. When he started calling me I made it very clear I'm a single mom and I won't ditch my son. I won't hang out like a family with guys but really a social event where other kids are that he'll jus go play. I'm at a loss I don't want to be a single mom forever but the dates where some guy comes over and we watch TV after my son goes to sleep really suck. |
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Sock Snob
Posts: 3021
| I not,a single mom but, i a, single and live in the boonies. I want to know best webaites to find a nice guy to day. Seems like i could find a man for,my mare before i could find me a date, i have been widowed since november 2012 and have not,seena nuce enough fellow to date. Not to, mentiion. Finding my mare a friend (my mare) would be easier.i dont care if he is a horse guy but would to find a nice guy i am 55 years old want someone nice and my pref. Is retired not working. I am goining to sell my business and eventually want not to,work but i want my guy not to know.
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 Mature beyond Years
Posts: 10780
 
Location: North of the 49th Parallel | I'd offer to babysit for you but I'm a couple hours too far from you! lol. But seriously, if you ever need a babysitter you have my number.
Edited by bccanchaser16 2014-02-26 2:12 AM
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Boot Detective
Posts: 1898
| Hire a babysitter for the first few dates or trade out babysitting with another parent(s). I would make it clear to anyone that you think is worth continuing to date that you have a child and they will have to plan to be around them because that child is a part of you and you two are a package deal. |
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 Dog Resuce Agent
Posts: 3459
Location: southeast Texas | IMHO, the red flag here, is telling you your son isn't invited.
i would think hard about having your son get to know men that won't stay in his life. |
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I Need a Xanax!
Posts: 2774
| A good man worth dating will be as excited about your son as you are. If he's not, he's not worth the impending heartache for you and your son. Also, it never hurts to check out older men who are more mature and giving and less concerned about having a kid to mess up their good times and free spirit. Also, what about single dads? They are in the same boat as you so maybe that would work out great. |
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Expert
Posts: 1314
Location: North Central Iowa Land of white frozen grass | I have been married to my wife for 33 years now. And I will tell you that as soon as that guy made the statement that your son was not invited you should have flat turned him down. The resentment of your child will only get worse in the relationship the farther you let it go. |
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 Elite Veteran
Posts: 1182
Location: Do I hear Banjos? | Are you expecting/wanting to take your son along on your first date? or even first few dates? That doesn't seem like a great idea for the new guy or the son IMO. You need the one on one first date or first few dates to get to know eachother a bit. See if it's worth pursuing for either of you. Of course you should let the guy know you have a son...but he shouldn't be playing dad on the first few dates!
I don't think it's good for a child to be involved or meet the new guy until you are sure this is worth pursuing further. It's bound to be confusing/awkward/stressful to the child to see guys come and go out of your life. Get a sitter...hire one if your parents aren't excited about watching him. Get to know a guy before you expose your child to him or expect the guy to play happy family.
You will know when you talk about your son whether or not the guy is open to the idea of the package deal. He needs to date just you for a bit first. JMHO YMMV |
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 Cyber World Challenged
Posts: 2526
Location: My Own Little World | TrailGirl - 2014-02-26 12:43 PM Are you expecting/wanting to take your son along on your first date? or even first few dates? That doesn't seem like a great idea for the new guy or the son IMO. You need the one on one first date or first few dates to get to know eachother a bit. See if it's worth pursuing for either of you. Of course you should let the guy know you have a son...but he shouldn't be playing dad on the first few dates!
I don't think it's good for a child to be involved or meet the new guy until you are sure this is worth pursuing further. It's bound to be confusing/awkward/stressful to the child to see guys come and go out of your life. Get a sitter...hire one if your parents aren't excited about watching him. Get to know a guy before you expose your child to him or expect the guy to play happy family.
You will know when you talk about your son whether or not the guy is open to the idea of the package deal. He needs to date just you for a bit first. JMHO YMMV
I'm a single mom of 2. They are 15 & 16 now. I've been single for about 11 years and dated 1 person for about a year. I only dated that person because of my own insecurities and now I am not happy that I did it because my children had to go through it too. SO, I have decided that I will remain single & celibate until my children are grown. This is because I am raising them to be married to one spouse for all time and to not have sex outside marriage. I HAVE to live the example because their father certainly isn't. (cheats all the time on his women) I am cautioning you to take your child to meet ANY man unless you think it's serious enough that this person is going to propose. It's fair to tell your child that you are going out with a friend, but live the life that is the example to your child |
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 Expert
Posts: 3782
Location: Gainesville, TX | My mom met my dad at church. She had my sister and I. They had been together in some general social situations beforehand at potlucks and such. He knew about us and had met us long before they really started dating. We went on their first date. My mom came home and said she was going to marry him. He's been the most awesome dad! Maybe try meeting someone in a place like that where you can get to them before dating where your kid might even be around and there' someone to help watch him. Then there's less pressure and the guy will be aware of your son from the getgo. You can flush out any losers that way and maybe a babysitter or two as well. . |
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 Always Off Topic
Posts: 6382
Location: ND | TrailGirl - 2014-02-26 2:43 PM Are you expecting/wanting to take your son along on your first date? or even first few dates? That doesn't seem like a great idea for the new guy or the son IMO. You need the one on one first date or first few dates to get to know eachother a bit. See if it's worth pursuing for either of you. Of course you should let the guy know you have a son...but he shouldn't be playing dad on the first few dates!
I don't think it's good for a child to be involved or meet the new guy until you are sure this is worth pursuing further. It's bound to be confusing/awkward/stressful to the child to see guys come and go out of your life. Get a sitter...hire one if your parents aren't excited about watching him. Get to know a guy before you expose your child to him or expect the guy to play happy family.
You will know when you talk about your son whether or not the guy is open to the idea of the package deal. He needs to date just you for a bit first. JMHO YMMV
^this^ |
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Expert
Posts: 1343
Location: East Texas | rodeorun68 - 2014-02-26 3:16 PM
TrailGirl - 2014-02-26 12:43 PM Are you expecting/wanting to take your son along on your first date? Â or even first few dates? Â That doesn't seem like a great idea for the new guy or the son IMO. Â You need the one on one first date or first few dates to get to know eachother a bit. Â See if it's worth pursuing for either of you. Â Of course you should let the guy know you have a son...but he shouldn't be playing dad on the first few dates! Â
I don't think it's good for a child to be involved or meet the new guy until you are sure this is worth pursuing further. Â It's bound to be confusing/awkward/stressful to the child to see guys come and go out of your life. Â Get a sitter...hire one if your parents aren't excited about watching him. Â Get to know a guy before you expose your child to him or expect the guy to play happy family.Â
You will know when you talk about your son whether or not the guy is open to the idea of the package deal. Â He needs to date just you for a bit first. Â JMHO Â YMMV
I'm a single mom of 2. They are 15 & 16 now. I've been single for about 11 years and dated 1 person for about a year. I only dated that person because of my own insecurities and now I am not happy that I did it because my children had to go through it too. SO, I have decided that I will remain single & celibate until my children are grown. This is because I am raising them to be married to one spouse for all time and to not have sex outside marriage. I HAVE to live the example because their father certainly isn't. (cheats all the time on his women) I am cautioning you to take your child to meet ANY man unless you think it's serious enough that this person is going to propose. It's fair to tell your child that you are going out with a friend, but live the life that is the example to your childÂ
 to you and deciding to take a stand and stick to it. I believe God will bring the right person to you when the time comes. |
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I'm Here!!
Posts: 4583
Location: Is it Summer Yet? | No I am not trying to take my son on my first date with a guy. But imagine being invited to go to the playground/ park by some guy then being told your 4 year old isn't welcome, yeah that guy is history. My aunt did watch my son on my first date with this guy. But 4/5 dates later and my son is still not welcome at child friendly events that's just BS. I'm just wondering how to juggle everything, next 14 years of being single doesn't sound like a lot of fun but that's pretty much what I'm looking at. |
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 Chicken Chick
Posts: 3562
Location: Texas | I am married, but I was once a single mom. Grandparents watched my son in the beginning, but he always asked why I didn't bring my son. Now granted if it wasn't a kid friendly thing he didn't ask, but if we were going somewhere my son could go too he always made sure that my son was included in the invitation. Before long, "dates" went out the window and him and my son were buds and I was the tag along lol. They would be planning things and my son would say "We better bring mommy so she isn't scared by herself." haha We are just shy of our 6th anniversary and those two are still buddies and have their "guy" talks about girlfriends and how to answer the "I like you" note he got at school lol.
If a guy wasn't interested in trying to include my son, they weren't worth my time. I was friends with my husband before I started dating him though, so to my son it wasn't like he was the new boyfriend. Just a friend that came to hang out. If I didn't know him before it would have been a while before he was introduced to my son, but I would still want him to try to include my son. If that makes sense. |
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Extreme Veteran
Posts: 596
Location: Somewhere in the middle of nowhere | As a single parent, I think we push to find that someone to share the parenting responsibilities with. We try to remain hopeful of that fairy tale we so desperately want...that happily ever after that never comes. I think Pinx said it best when she said they were friends first....quit looking for dating material and start looking for good quality friendships, because when things get really difficult, that friendship may be the only thing that saves the relationship. And once you find that friendship, the rest will follow. Good luck and may you find a friend for life. |
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Dog Resuce Agent
Posts: 3459
Location: southeast Texas | Lana - 2014-02-26 9:36 PM No I am not trying to take my son on my first date with a guy. But imagine being invited to go to the playground/ park by some guy then being told your 4 year old isn't welcome, yeah that guy is history. My aunt did watch my son on my first date with this guy. But 4/5 dates later and my son is still not welcome at child friendly events that's just BS. I'm just wondering how to juggle everything, next 14 years of being single doesn't sound like a lot of fun but that's pretty much what I'm looking at.
Being alone is a lot better than being alone in a relationship. |
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  Shipwrecked and Flat Out Zapped
Posts: 16390
Location: DUMPING CATS AND PIGS IN TEXAS :) | One of the fastest ways to get rid of a new guy is to bring my chihuahuas on our first date......kind of the same with kid's......you have to build a relationship with the dude first.......then spring the chihuahuas on him. |
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 The One
Posts: 7997
Location: South Georgia | I dont think the kid has a place in a date until you have decided that you would consider a future with the guy and it is very serious. This is just my opinion, but I dont think its good to have your son see different men. Kids develop attachments and you wouldnt want a breakup to hurt your child. |
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| A lot of women that I have dated over the years had single women friends that also had children and they would babysit for each other for free on date nights and then reciprocate .....
Many many times I have paid for babysitting in order to date a really nice beautiful woman that I was interested in ..... during polite conversation a guy can find out if kids are at a babysitters or if at home and typical costs and slip the money in the ladies pocket and tell her not to look until later .. ... a guy can also wiggle a finger to the at home babysitter and find out her charges and slip her the babysitting fee without being a butthole ... lol
GOOD LUCK ...
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 Get a Clue
Posts: 1228
Location: A Higher Elevation | I am a single mom too. I have two boys, 18 & 5 (same dad even!). I didn't date for about 6 months after the divorce. But, I was pretty happy to be by myself for a while. Married for 20+ years to a very controlling guy. But, I have been seeing a guy for a little more than a year now. We go out once or twice every other week. He lives a couple hours away. But, we aren't "official" or anything, so I haven't introduced him to the kids. We've know each other through rodeo for 20+ years and are both divorced and in no hurry to change our statuses. :) But, I won't have him hanging out with the kids unless/until it becomes "official", because I don't want them to get attached. Their dad lives local, so they go to his place, or my mom will watch the little one. And, if that doesn't happen, then the date just doesn't happen. He has a son too, but he lives 6 hours away & gets him once a month and some holidays.
The guy did stop by the house once, because he happened to be in town for another reason. My 5 yr old was home, but it was just a friend stopping by. Little Man spent the whole time showing The Guy his toys and talking about his dad. LOL
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