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 Chicken Chick
Posts: 3562
   
Location: Texas | I am usually a stay at home mom, however last year I got a job. Before, we always had everything in a joint account, but after I got a job I opened an account and savings in my name. He is bad with money, and he knows this. With me making more money he wanted to spend more money on toys. It ended up that I made double the money he did (They also worked me into the ground in the process). With my checks I would take a certain amount off the top to put into savings every week. Never less then a certain amount but if I had a really good check I would sometimes double it. Then I would fill my truck up for the week, get feed for my "farm" lol, then take out whatever I would need to live off of the next week. After that we used my money as "play" money. He still paid all the bills, I took care of myself, and my extra money is what we went shopping with or whatever. Or if he had a ticket or an unusually high electric bill I would pay that also.
It was still OUR money, I just had some things I wanted to do with it before he got his hands on it. Mainly savings and setting back what I needed for the next week. If that makes any sense at all. I have never been a fan of the whole Your money/bills and My money/bills thing. I have seen too many friends get resentful of their husband/wife because they were broke trying to pay "their" bills but their SO was out blowing money like it was going out of style. | |
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 Strong Willed Woman
Posts: 6577
Location: Prosser, WA | CYA Ranch - 2014-02-20 9:01 AM Talkeetnababe - 2014-02-20 10:58 AM equussynergy - 2014-02-20 10:28 AM Crowned Image - 2014-02-20 9:22 AM Talkeetnababe - 2014-02-20 10:06 AM Jinx - 2014-02-20 10:00 AM We don't have separate accounts but it isn't really fair for the one who makes less to pay 50% IMO. I know 'technically' half the bill would be theirs but I could see how it could cause resentment. This is kind of where I'm at. I make about 1/3 of what he does, and we split everything 50/50. On top of house bills I have a truck note, car insurance an student loans, which he has none of. It leaves me in a bind on a regular basis while he is free to play and spend as he pleases. I'm trying to not be resentful about it but it's getting where I can't help it. I just wasn't sure if I was being selfish thinking this way. Not to butt in or make you feel badly about yourself. Has he already paid off his student loans and car payment etc? obviously it isn't his duty to pay off your things. But if you're in a bind can you talk to him? say, "hey, I need some help I'm feeling too pinched and I feel like I can't get ahead, can you help me? can we change the way bills are paid for at least little while so I can get ahead or pay things off?" He may not even be realizing you're tight in the money dept.
Not 50/50 but 100/100 His company pays for his truck and insurance, and he didn't go to school so doesn't have student loans. House is 100% in his name even though we did the shopping together, so technically it's his, but we say it's ours. He doesn't have horses or any interest in them so I pay for that (someone had mentioned their hubby paying for horse feed ) Honestly I don't think he would be willing to help if I asked. He would tell me to sell the horses, which isn't happening. Don't get me wrong, I get back even somehow (never ahead ) so I can do it as it is, I just don't know that it is completely fair. Now I feel like I'm being whiny.
I think just living together and being married should be treated differently. Two different types of relationships. My now husband and I lived together for 4 years before we got married. We really didn't buy anything together and kept everything 50/50. We rented a house so that did make things easier. We knew too many people that purchased things together while living together and then they had to try to separate everything fairly once the relationship dissolved. I also think it's important for both parties in a relationship to know they can support themselves. My husband and I never once asked each other for money before we got married, but we were both making good money so that helped.
I will say that I seem to be horrible at picking roommates and great at picking a husband. LOL. I had so many roommate problems. Them not paying their share on time, owing me money when they left, one saying she sent the rent checks but the landlord never receiving them, dealing with their boyfriends/friends. I never thought I would live with a guy before marriage but I couldn't afford to live with women anymore. LOL. It was so much easier living with my now husband.
Once you get married that's when you start planning together for a future and that's when we put all our money together. Now I'm a stay at home mom and that doesn't pay too well. LOL.
To the OP I would not be splitting the cost of the mortage in half when your name is not on it. If you do break up, you will never see that money again. I can see paying your way but not like that.
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 Shelter Dog Lover
Posts: 10277
| MS2011 - 2014-02-20 11:17 AM CYA Ranch - 2014-02-20 11:01 AM Talkeetnababe - 2014-02-20 10:58 AM equussynergy - 2014-02-20 10:28 AM Crowned Image - 2014-02-20 9:22 AM Talkeetnababe - 2014-02-20 10:06 AM Jinx - 2014-02-20 10:00 AM We don't have separate accounts but it isn't really fair for the one who makes less to pay 50% IMO. I know 'technically' half the bill would be theirs but I could see how it could cause resentment. This is kind of where I'm at. I make about 1/3 of what he does, and we split everything 50/50. On top of house bills I have a truck note, car insurance an student loans, which he has none of. It leaves me in a bind on a regular basis while he is free to play and spend as he pleases. I'm trying to not be resentful about it but it's getting where I can't help it. I just wasn't sure if I was being selfish thinking this way. Not to butt in or make you feel badly about yourself. Has he already paid off his student loans and car payment etc? obviously it isn't his duty to pay off your things. But if you're in a bind can you talk to him? say, "hey, I need some help I'm feeling too pinched and I feel like I can't get ahead, can you help me? can we change the way bills are paid for at least little while so I can get ahead or pay things off?" He may not even be realizing you're tight in the money dept.
Not 50/50 but 100/100 His company pays for his truck and insurance, and he didn't go to school so doesn't have student loans. House is 100% in his name even though we did the shopping together, so technically it's his, but we say it's ours. He doesn't have horses or any interest in them so I pay for that (someone had mentioned their hubby paying for horse feed ) Honestly I don't think he would be willing to help if I asked. He would tell me to sell the horses, which isn't happening. Don't get me wrong, I get back even somehow (never ahead ) so I can do it as it is, I just don't know that it is completely fair. Now I feel like I'm being whiny.
You've got to get on the same page about money. I firmly believe in Dave Ramsey's program. If you're going to go thru life as a team, then you've got to agree on money. Things can't be 'his' or 'yours'... it's got to be 'ours'. Not that my hubby doesn't cuss 'my' barrel horses on occasion, but we make all decisions jointly. Anything over a couple hundred, entries, things for the house, trips... it's joint.
Edited by rodeomom3 2014-02-20 1:05 PM
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 Water Weight Barbie
Posts: 6829
Location: Oz, Kansas | We sat down & figured up all our bills & then figured out the percentage of how much more he makes than I do & I pay that percentage of bills. We did that several years ago & with all the increases we need to sit down again because everything has gone up but my salary.
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Expert
Posts: 1255
| I've been with my better half for 11 years and he pays for his stuff and I pay for mine .he makes around 6,000 monthly but is extremely selfish so we do our own thing and we have no bills because of solar other than insurance and phone.and the older I get the more I'm thinking this is for the birds I can't even get him to buy me a Pepsi on way home from work. | |
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 Swiffer PIcker Upper
Posts: 4015
Location: Four Corners Colorado | myhre - 2014-02-20 6:16 PM I've been with my better half for 11 years and he pays for his stuff and I pay for mine .he makes around 6,000 monthly but is extremely selfish so we do our own thing and we have no bills because of solar other than insurance and phone.and the older I get the more I'm thinking this is for the birds I can't even get him to buy me a Pepsi on way home from work.
This is an examaple of, why buy the cow when you get the milk for free. When I was younger I thought that saying had to do with having sex before marrige but now I see it really has to do with Money.
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Expert
Posts: 1255
| Sad part is that I thought it was normal till recently my ex wanted things split also because he said I should know what its like to struggle. | |
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 Thread Killer
Posts: 7545
| myhre - 2014-02-20 8:55 PM Sad part is that I thought it was normal till recently my ex wanted things split also because he said I should know what its like to struggle.
Your man *cough**cough* controlling psychopath *cough* is a complete D. I've said it before and I'll say it again: GET OUT and leave his sorry, stupid ass.
Edited by Just Plain Lucky 2014-02-20 8:22 PM
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  More bootie than waist!
Posts: 18425
Location: Riding Crackhead. | myhre - 2014-02-20 7:16 PM I've been with my better half for 11 years and he pays for his stuff and I pay for mine .he makes around 6,000 monthly but is extremely selfish so we do our own thing and we have no bills because of solar other than insurance and phone.and the older I get the more I'm thinking this is for the birds I can't even get him to buy me a Pepsi on way home from work.
That's not a better half that's a worse half. Lazy half, jackass half, POS half....would you like me to go on? As I said I've been married to the same guy for almost 22 years. I have never worked a full time outside the home job ever. I've worked part time until last year when the company I worked for sold. Since then I help my hubby as needed in the office of the family machinery dealership, I've raised 2 kids who are now 18 & 20 and I have my horses in which I do everything from putting up a couple hundred acres of hay each year to fixing fence to whatever needs to be done. My husband supports me 110%. If he wouldn't even buy me a Coke (I hate Pepsi) I'd tell him to take a hike. | |
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 Elite Veteran
Posts: 929
| bowersk - 2014-02-20 8:19 AM
I guess our situation is a little different than most, in that I make a bit more than he does, but I don't think we ever sat down and decided I was going to pay more than him or vice versa. Never had a joint account either. I take care of the mortgage and house maintenence (I had it before we were together), my truck note and related expenses like gas, insurance, and all horse expenses (because they're all mine, he's nonhorsey). He takes care of utilities (aside from propane, then it's whoever is home when the propane truck shows up), groceries, his car note, and student loan debt. I think I did add it up once, what both of us pay in a month and it was definitely fair for both of us. If there's a month where one of us is a bit short (a car repair for him, or a big vet bill for me), we just help the other out as best we can. :)
This is basically my hubby and I. When we got married in September he made more than I did but he got laid off 6 days after our wedding and found a new job that pays $0.50 less per hour than mine. We split the rent down the middle, he pays for his fuel and insurance, I pay for my truck note and any related expenses, along with all the horses and their care and vet bills. He pays our entry fees for ropings and/or barrel races, and any and all expenses for his daughter and school stuff or her entry fees. Now that I think about it I seem to be paying a bit more than he does...but he also spoils me when he has the extra $$ but is totally incapable of scrimping and saving like I am. | |
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 Elite Veteran
Posts: 927
Location: Iowa | I've lived with my SO for 9 years. He makes way more than me. I pay for my horses and related expense, He pays for our sons tuition for private school and I pick up the grocery bill and my insurance and cell phone. He pays for my truck and trailer because he can deduct it as farm business. | |
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 Elite Veteran
Posts: 1035
Location: TN | Talkeetnababe - 2014-02-20 10:06 AM
Jinx - 2014-02-20 10:00 AM
We don't have separate accounts but it isn't really fair for the one who makes less to pay 50% IMO. I know 'technically' half the bill would be theirs but I could see how it could cause resentment.
This is kind of where I'm at. I make about 1/3 of what he does, and we split everything 50/50. On top of house bills I have a truck note, car insurance an student loans, which he has none of. It leaves me in a bind on a regular basis while he is free to play and spend as he pleases. I'm trying to not be resentful about it but it's getting where I can't help it. I just wasn't sure if I was being selfish thinking this way.
My boyfriend and I have been together over 7 years and lived together almost 3. I make more money than he does usually so when I comes to the house (which is in my name) I pay the mortgage and bills. Then he pays for the land he bought that our horses stay on. He also has a truck payment. I don't expect him to split the utility bills or mortgage because he can't afford to. Plus he doesn't expect me to pay anything for the land even though my horse is there. It works for us but everyone is different so I hope you find a balance that works for you. | |
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 Expert
Posts: 1409
| Wow!! Who knew that married folk or live ins lived this way......... I am amazed actually at all the seperation of the money....... not passing judgement just really surprised.
Marriage = throw it all in one pot and go on about your lives together. 
Edited by TyE 2014-02-20 11:23 PM
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The Resident Destroyer of Liberal Logic
Location: PNW | My husband and I (married three years, together for 5 total) have a joint account, a savings account, and then each have a separate checking account. Along with each of our businesses having its own checking account
Livestock business - pays for truck, trailer, horse expenses, ranch expenses, vet work, vaccines, farrier, cattle/sheep transport, cattle/sheep maintenance such as sheering, marking, whatever.
Logging business - pays for husband's equipment, fuel, insurances, and my SUV because it is used as a "fleet vehicle"
Joint checking - pays all utilities for the house and personal: TV, Internet, phone, electric, etc.
Savings - obviously we save here
Separate checkings - mostly we put any "windfalls" here. If I sell a saddle, if he sells something, if I win money at a barrel race and actually make a profit <---- did I spell that correct? I don't use it much in terms of barrel racing... I like these accounts because they allow for such things as Christmas or birthday spending without the other person being like "oh what'd you buy from Cabellas for $200??"
I am a stay at home mom, we have a 15 month old and I'm due in august with #2. We run two successful businesses, my husband runs the majority of both - but my son and I do what we can to run a lot of the livestock business. We do all the feeding, moving, and book keeping. I keep the house clean, I keep our bills in order, and I put a meal on the table every night. I would say that while he makes 98% of the money - I definitely "earn my keep."
I grew up in a pretty financially humble family, while he grew up in a VERY wealthy family. It took me a LONG time to put my pride aside and be ok spending "his" money - even once we were married and it was "ours"
He is the most generous loving man I have ever met, and your SO should not lord money over you in my opinion. Once you are married - it should all be OURS. And I agree with previous posters about not paying into a mortgage that you have no claim on - NO, JUST NO. | |
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 Chatty Kathy
Posts: 6635
Location: In Ky following Barrel Races & Walker hounds. | At this moment, my husband works and I dont. He pays for everything and never complains. When I do work, that is purely "extra" to put back on any debt we have. He buys horse food, dog food, groceries, ect and never complains. Has since before we got married. Before we got engaged even, if I needed something, he made sure I got it. He has never made me go without or let me get in a bind with bills. Not saying we haven't had "tight" times, but we got through it together and helped each other.  | |
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Shelter Dog Lover
Posts: 10277
| CYA Ranch - 2014-02-20 8:17 PM myhre - 2014-02-20 7:16 PM I've been with my better half for 11 years and he pays for his stuff and I pay for mine .he makes around 6,000 monthly but is extremely selfish so we do our own thing and we have no bills because of solar other than insurance and phone.and the older I get the more I'm thinking this is for the birds I can't even get him to buy me a Pepsi on way home from work. That's not a better half that's a worse half. Lazy half, jackass half, POS half....would you like me to go on? As I said I've been married to the same guy for almost 22 years. I have never worked a full time outside the home job ever. I've worked part time until last year when the company I worked for sold. Since then I help my hubby as needed in the office of the family machinery dealership, I've raised 2 kids who are now 18 & 20 and I have my horses in which I do everything from putting up a couple hundred acres of hay each year to fixing fence to whatever needs to be done. My husband supports me 110%. If he wouldn't even buy me a Coke (I hate Pepsi) I'd tell him to take a hike.
Ain't that the truth. Same here, I had part time jobs in the early years but when our 4 kids got busy with sports I quit that. We have been married 26 years and I have had no income the last 20. My husband does well and he is so kind and generous. For my last birthday I wanted a scottish fold cat which are pricey ( my whole life I said I would never pay for a cat). He got me the cat :). A few years ago my other cat Winston was extremely sick, estimated vet bill was ridiculous. I text him amount and he responded I hope they can help him. I told him I would take it day by day and pull the plug if it didn't look good. He made it, had a huge bill, husband just said glad he made it. He loves me and likes to do things for me and vice versa. I spend hours on the tractor and fix anything I am capable of.
Edited by rodeomom3 2014-02-21 6:20 AM
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 Dr. Ruth
Posts: 9891
Location: Blissfully happy Giants fan!!! | RodeoCowgirl4u - 2014-02-20 9:30 PM bowersk - 2014-02-20 8:19 AM I guess our situation is a little different than most, in that I make a bit more than he does, but I don't think we ever sat down and decided I was going to pay more than him or vice versa. Never had a joint account either. I take care of the mortgage and house maintenence (I had it before we were together), my truck note and related expenses like gas, insurance, and all horse expenses (because they're all mine, he's nonhorsey). He takes care of utilities (aside from propane, then it's whoever is home when the propane truck shows up), groceries, his car note, and student loan debt. I think I did add it up once, what both of us pay in a month and it was definitely fair for both of us. If there's a month where one of us is a bit short (a car repair for him, or a big vet bill for me), we just help the other out as best we can. :) This is basically my hubby and I. When we got married in September he made more than I did but he got laid off 6 days after our wedding and found a new job that pays $0.50 less per hour than mine. We split the rent down the middle, he pays for his fuel and insurance, I pay for my truck note and any related expenses, along with all the horses and their care and vet bills. He pays our entry fees for ropings and/or barrel races, and any and all expenses for his daughter and school stuff or her entry fees. Now that I think about it I seem to be paying a bit more than he does...but he also spoils me when he has the extra $$ but is totally incapable of scrimping and saving like I am.
This is basically us too. We lived together for 2 years before we got married. But we had no bills except for our vehicles because we lived on the nursery. And we spent freely. lol!
We moved because of my job. And I make over double what he makes right now. It may be closer to 3x's. Thankfully my husband LOVES that I am as successful as I am and has no resentment or anything negative to say about it. I have always made more than him though. And he is working his tail off to move up in his job and do what he wants to do.
Anyways, we keep separate accounts. It is so much easier. He knows how he likes to budget and I know how I like to budget. I know not only exactly how much he takes home, but how much he has in the bank and how much he spends every month. Same thing on my side. Shoot, he knows my spending habits better than I do!!
I handle most of the bills. I actually have been begging him to let me take over the insurance because I want him to have more cash to play with.
Right now he handles the insurance, cable/internet, my ipad 3G, his phone (he has AT&T and I have sprint. I don't like AT&T and he doesn't like sprint so we keep them separate-lol), and his car payment. Everything else is me. I also contribute to a home improvements savings account for us.
I make plenty of money to cover all of our expenses easily and still have room to throw a LOT of money at the horses. I choose not to remember how much that is a month. lol!
I couldn't fathom having joint accounts and even when my husband gets to the police department, I owuld NEVER think to increase his share of expenses. It isn't fair and it isn't how our household works.
I think the biggest thing for us-and we literally just talked about this over the weekend-is that we have an open line of communication. He knows what I am spending money on and I don't hide any purchases. Same thing for him. No big purchases are made without letting the other know before the purchase is made but our unspoken rule is if you have the money go for it. We have plenty of money set aside and that is what matters.
As a side note-we also NEVER ask the other one to go do something. For instance, we are season ticket holders for the SF Giants. I LOVE going to opening day. He knew I was going to go but I told him I was going to book my flight for all first 6 games of the season. He then told me he was going to try and get the weekend off and would fly out for the last 3 games. Or this morning I told him we were headed to a barrel race and he would probably beat me home tonight and then we were getting up and headed to another one tomorrow. I don't ever ask. He never asks. That would never work in our relationship. lol! | |
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Married to a Louie Lover
Posts: 3303
| We moved in together when we relocated from Michigan to Iowa. In michigan we also lived an hour and a half a part, talk about a culture shock!
I make more than him. I bought the house in my name only. I pay the mortgage, he pays the utilities and food. This works out to about the same % and we are making so we feel it's fair. Then we each pay for what is ours - fuel, horses, truck omits, student loans etc. I have a truck pmt and loans and the horse whereas he does not. Some months I find myself a little stretched. I'm working quite hard to get the truck pmt done with.
We plan to get married someday. I'm not sure how the money will change then. Ideally I would like to have a joint account for household stuff, mortgage, bills, food, and an emergency bit for repairs. If he buys a horse at some point and hose expenses become equal then those too. He supports me with the horses and I know if I ever needed money for something like a vet bill he'd help me out. He's paid up entries a couple times when I was tight, and if I won something I paid him back or put fuel in the truck for the ride home. I support him in his endeavors which is pretty much work and school. I've told him if he ever needed to cut work hours for school id help him out financially to do so.
It works really well for right now. We've adapted to everything life has given us so far, so I'm sure we'll adapt in the future as well. | |
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 Forever Young
Posts: 6768
Location: relocated to Texas | CYA Ranch - 2014-02-21 7:17 PM myhre - 2014-02-20 7:16 PM I've been with my better half for 11 years and he pays for his stuff and I pay for mine .he makes around 6,000 monthly but is extremely selfish so we do our own thing and we have no bills because of solar other than insurance and phone.and the older I get the more I'm thinking this is for the birds I can't even get him to buy me a Pepsi on way home from work. That's not a better half that's a worse half. Lazy half, jackass half, POS half....would you like me to go on? As I said I've been married to the same guy for almost 22 years. I have never worked a full time outside the home job ever. I've worked part time until last year when the company I worked for sold. Since then I help my hubby as needed in the office of the family machinery dealership, I've raised 2 kids who are now 18 & 20 and I have my horses in which I do everything from putting up a couple hundred acres of hay each year to fixing fence to whatever needs to be done. My husband supports me 110%. If he wouldn't even buy me a Coke (I hate Pepsi) I'd tell him to take a hike.
Ditto. If a man is stingy like that, I would get away from him. That type of selfishness goes far beyond money, the way he deals with his money is just a reflection of who he is. | |
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 Ditch the Stirrups
Posts: 5369
Location: Sorrow Not! Defending against workplace bullies | You are not being whiny at all. Do you live in a community property state? After a certain amt of time living together you would be considered married in the eyes of the law. That would mean you share responsibility for liabilities and assets incurred from the date you were together (most likely the date you started living together) | |
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