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 Shelter Dog Lover
Posts: 10277
  
| redrodeo72 - 2014-03-04 9:39 AM
Do you all still find time to ride/barrel race after having more than one? There is no way I'd want more than 2, but even the 2nd scared me! I am not willing to give up my whole life just to raise children... I simply want them to be a big part of it.
We did not have horses back then but the only way I would have been able too is if I had a babysitter and we were definitely too broke for that. I think you are being smart too think this through so carefully. I used to belong to a group for stay at home moms that planned activities and brought in speakers. Some of the best advice given was to do something for yourself on a regular basis, don't give up everything. Be a happy healthy parent with a happy healthy relationship with your spouse so you have a happy healthy child :). |
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Veteran
Posts: 234
| Wow so many responses that are at very ends of the spectrum. I am an only child and adopted at that. I never felt lonely my parents made sure our house was the place to be. I had a wonderful childhood and was afforded many opportunities because I was an only child. My husband is one of four all about 2 years apart. They have NEVER liked each other at ALL. When both our parents started having health problems I first thought how great it would be to share the responsibilities with my brothers and sisters. It was a nightmare I have never seen so much fighting and such. It was a relief for me to make all decisions and lay my head down at night and know I did the best I could for my parents, compared to what my husband went thru with his siblings. In turn I choose to have only one child, she is now an adult college educated an accomplished barrel racer and horsewoman. So I think a person has to be honest with themselves and make decisions that is best for you and your family not what is expected by others. |
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 Expert
Posts: 1857
 
| I am one of 5. I'm the second oldest and there is 4-5 years between each of us, so me and the youngest are 13 years apart, 16 between my oldest brother and him. the fighting was there but we all looked after one another. We could pick on each other but no one else better! Ranching, horses, and rodeo where a part of our lives from the beginning. We had a responsibility to each other to watch out for one another and to help. I now have two kids of my own. I won't lie, barrel racing slows down if you don't have help until the kids get a little bigger. When the youngest was over 4 is when I could start getting serious again. He could ride by himself and would ride with his sister while I made a run. They love walking around in the warm up area following all the other barrel races around and around. There is no right or wrong answer to your question. If you don't want more children then don't have any more. If people are pressuring you remind them that you can make decisions regarding your family. I would have had more but my husband only wanted one so we compromised with two. They are 2 years apart, lots of fighting but on the other hand they look after each other. My youngest calls his sister "his abbie" He'll ask me "mom, where my abbie?" and she wants to mother him to death. Poor guy is never going to know what it's like to not have a women bossing him around. |
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 Firecracker Dog Lover
Posts: 3175
| I always thought I wanted two kids. Had my son and that was enough. We talked about another but decided one was enough for us. We don't live next to a bunch of people but there are kids his age in the neighborhood. He has never once said he wished he had a brother or sister. He is well adjusted, well rounded, can play on his own or with others at any given time. We are able to afford to do some things we wouldn't be able to otherwise do with only one child as well (and that was not even a remote factor in the decision to only have one). And we have time for our hobbies, our child, and each other without feeling overwhelmed. This works for us. Bottom line is, you have to do what is right for your family. Good luck! |
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 I Chore in Chucks
Posts: 2882
Location: MD | I don't have kids, but my sister and I are 9 years apart. while we weren't close as kids, as you can image a 16 year old having to take her 5 year old sister to horse lessons WHAT A DRAG. we are very close now. Don't rush if you aren't sure :) |
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 Party Girl
Posts: 12293
Location: Buffalo, Wyoming | I am one of 4 girls. My oldest sister and I are 5 years apart, then the next sister and I are 6 years apart and her and the youngest are 2 years apart.
I got along with all of them great (I think it was because I lived with my grandparetns but we were together everyday). The youngest to fought a lot while they lived together but now that we are older and everyone is out on their own we are each others best friends.
I have never really wanted kids and still don't know if I ever will. If I do I would want to have 2 for them to have a friend to grow up with. If it werent for my sisters I would be pretty lonely as I like to keep to myself a lot.
My SO has 2 younger sisters. He gets along with his youngest sister really well but doesn't have the best relationship with the other sister.
I think it really depends on that individual childs attitude if they will get along with their siblings or not. |
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 Chicken Chick
Posts: 3562
Location: Texas | My little sister is 4 years younger then me. In the beginning we were inseperable... then around the time I was a teenager we fought a lot. Mainly because I was "too cool" to hang out with her lol. I wasn't always the nicest person to her, but I was still the first person to beat the snot out of someone over her. Our mom knew when we were playing with our cousins (all boys except for us 2, and we could have had our own football team there were so many of us around the same age) that no one was going to mess with her. Now that we are both grown we get along ok. We are completely different people with different interests and honestly I am not the easiest person to get along with. I don't know what I would do without my sister though.
My kids will be almost 10 years apart, which was too big of a gap for me... but apparently the timing of our second wasn't our choice lol. I wish they were closer together, by the time my son is driving she will be starting school. So I know he isn't going to want to play with his sister much. They probably won't be that close because of the age difference either.
My goal was to have all my kids close together so once I was done with diapers and stuff... I was DONE and didn't have to go back and do it all over again 10 years later lol.
We have a big family. I have 14 aunts and uncles and all of them except for 1 has at least 2 kids, most of them are within 10 years of each other... and we spent a LOT of time together growing up some of them lived with us for an extended period of time. Some of them kind of went their own way and we grew a part, but the rest remained close and it is like we are all siblings. We fight, argue, tell each other when they are screwing up, and run off girlfriends we don't like lol... but at the end of the day we still love each other (including my sister). I don't know what I would have done being an only child without a herd of cousins around the same age. |
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  Color My World
Posts: 4940
Location: My perfect world bubble | I am one of 4 - I'm the oldest and my sister is 11 months younger than me, then a brother 3 years younger and one 6 years younger. We hated each other growing up. I felt cheated that I didn't get enough attention. We were broke and I often wondered why my parents had so many kids if we couldn't afford anything. I grew up thinking I wanted a different life for my kids. That being said - now that we are older (20s and 30s) we have a lot of fun together - but it's been a long road.
I have 2 kids now and they are almost exactly 2 years apart. I never thought I could love another child as much as I loved my son and then my daughter came along and like someone else said your heart just grows bigger. I will say though my son was a piece of cake. Easy kid, very independent, could/can take him anywhere. My daughter has been a completely different story. She is a handful, very strong willed but very needy as well. They are now 8 and 6 and I just started back riding this year - and that's only because my daughter rides. We don't have our own place and board - but if my daughter didn't ride and had some other hobby/love/activity I don't think I would ever have time. Two is a lot more work than 1 - at least it has been for me - but I wouldn't trade my daughter for anything. AND in the grand scheme of life - it is a VERY short period of time that you "raise" your kids. My daughter is 1/3 of the way to college. I only get 12 more years with her, and only 10 more with my son. It goes by SO, SO fast. I am glad I only have the 2 but I am SO glad I have both of them.
I have friends with only 1 child and there is no doubt their lives are "easier" and they have more time for their own activities. BUT there isn't a thing I love in the world more than watching my kids. In 12 years I will have all the time I want to ride - for now I ride when I can but more than anything I'm enjoying my time with them!
And 2 years apart is fine - they have their moments but they each have their own loves, friends and hobbies and truth be told don't spend a ton of time with each other. My husband and I divide and conquer each night! |
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Extreme Veteran
Posts: 578
| Thanks everyone for your thoughts and input. I think we are going to wait a year before trying. I hate to see my children another yr apart and maybe not so close, but with both of us having fairly new businesses and not being totally financially stable( although we do pay the bills!) it's best to wait. And most likely by then one of our moms will be ready to retire and could watch the baby part time so I can continue my horse career also :)
Edited by redrodeo72 2014-03-04 7:52 PM
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Veteran
Posts: 256
| Another thing to consider (I am not saying this would ever happen to you) but when parents divorce the only child is in the middle. Children with siblings always have each other, and have a buddy to share lifes ups and downs. Even if parents are not seperated there is alot of things you would share with sibling but not your parent |
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