|
|
 Scooters Savior
   
Location: "Si Fi" Ville | Well, it has been another fine day here in the swamp. Husband is out of town. The sun is sinking low below the horizon and the day is winding down. I make my way to the barn to feed and check water levels on the troughs as is my nightly ritual. As I pass the wash rack in the barn, I stop to change the water for the dogs. I reach for the water hose, and I complete a mental count at how many patches, clamps, and other devices have been attached to fix the once leaking hose while thinking to myself how many times I have mentioned to my husband, IT IS TIME, the hose has seen its better days. Being the "thrifty"(CHEAPSKATE) man he is, my requests fell on deaf ears and were in vain.
I reach for the hose, turn the valve, put it in the bucket and wait as the dogs look on waiting for a sip of fresh cold water. And we wait. Hmmm, that is odd. No water. I pick it up and look to see if anything is blocking the flow, nothing........, then, two drops fall. As I am puzzling over this new development, I turn to look at the valve and rest of the hose. Just before I can turn completely around, a geyser slaps me in the back of the head. For a few seconds, I am not registering what is happening, I am fighting back the water pressure, and mascara has obscured my vision. Then another geyser scores a direct hit in the bum. While yet another sprays the ceiling above my head, causing me to be clobbered by numerous dirt dawber nests dislodged in the process . Now I know truly understood Henny Penny's dilemma, as I quite did not grasp the concept in first grade.
Finally, I reach the nozzle, turning it off. The dogs abandoned ship, I guess they thought this was some new bizarre ritual to give them a bath.
I slosh my way to the tool room, grab a trusty wrench, after prying, pulling, saying a few words over, the hose, finally, it gives up, and turns loose from the hydrant. I walk it out the back of the barn and PLACE it up in a tree. I figure if my husband wishes to get the hose, he is gonna have to climb for it. I then text my friend who runs the local parts store and request that my husband be forever banned from buying any water hose repair parts and ask by chance if any water hoses are on sale.
Night all, time for another shower and fuzzy jammys.
| |
| | |
 Expert
Posts: 4121
Location: SE Louisiana |  | |
| | |
 Expert
Posts: 1343
Location: Oklahoma | Are you now or have you ever been an author? Because I thoroughly enjoyed your story! | |
| | |
Hungarian Midget Woman
Location: Midwest | Something similar happened to me once.
When I was in high school, I was the kennel wench at the local veterinary clinic. Duties included wrangling animals, cleaning cages, vacuuming, doing hospital laundry, counting pills.... basically all the general labor that was beneath the skilled staff.
My daily ritual would be to clean the cages, feed, then go out back and clean the dog runs. I would spray with the hose, disenfect, then spray again. So, I toddled off to the back with my bucket and scrubber in hand. Hose and soap all the kennels with little incident. I begin to start my final spray down, and at this point I notice a large bubble in the hose that appears to be growing in size at an alarming rate. The water than stopped- I said, "Oh, ****", and a deluge of water EXPLODED from the newly formed hose volcano. I was ablsolutely soaked from my head to my sneakers. I blocked my face, made my way through the spray to the valve, and shut the water off.
I walked inside to much laughter from the staff, and ended up changing into some dirty barn clothes (that had been buried under the seat in my old pickup). I threw my clothes and shoes into the hospital clothes dryer, and sighed. That was the point in which the hospital deemed it neccessary to bring out the new garden hose, that was apparently hanging in the garage.
I thanked the staff for being proactive in their hose maitenance.
They all laughed at me, because at that point I was wearing some old, paint-ridden tie dyed jeans and an old concert tshirt. Both of which were stained and in fact smelled like they had been under my truck seat for months.
It's been ten years, and the last time I visited they mentioned that story. LOL | |
| | |
Extreme Veteran
Posts: 357
Location: Colorful Colorado | Now thats funny! | |
| | |
I keep my change in my pockets
Posts: 2985
Location: MN | treasurehunter - 2014-06-07 1:00 AM
Well, it has been another fine day here in the swamp. Husband is out of town. The sun is sinking low below the horizon and the day is winding down. I make my way to the barn to feed and check water levels on the troughs as is my nightly ritual. As I pass the wash rack in the barn, I stop to change the water for the dogs. I reach for the water hose, and I complete a mental count at how many patches, clamps, and other devices have been attached to fix the once leaking hose while thinking to myself how many times I have mentioned to my husband, IT IS TIME, the hose has seen its better days. Being the "thrifty"(CHEAPSKATE) man he is, my requests fell on deaf ears and were in vain.
I reach for the hose, turn the valve, put it in the bucket and wait as the dogs look on waiting for a sip of fresh cold water. And we wait. Hmmm, that is odd. No water. I pick it up and look to see if anything is blocking the flow, nothing........, then, two drops fall. As I am puzzling over this new development, I turn to look at the valve and rest of the hose. Just before I can turn completely around, a geyser slaps me in the back of the head. For a few seconds, I am not registering what is happening, I am fighting back the water pressure, and mascara has obscured my vision. Then another geyser scores a direct hit in the bum. While yet another sprays the ceiling above my head, causing me to be clobbered by numerous dirt dawber nests dislodged in the process . Now I know truly understood Henny Penny's dilemma, as I quite did not grasp the concept in first grade.
Finally, I reach the nozzle, turning it off. The dogs abandoned ship, I guess they thought this was some new bizarre ritual to give them a bath.
I slosh my way to the tool room, grab a trusty wrench, after prying, pulling, saying a few words over, the hose, finally, it gives up, and turns loose from the hydrant. I walk it out the back of the barn and PLACE it up in a tree. I figure if my husband wishes to get the hose, he is gonna have to climb for it. I then text my friend who runs the local parts store and request that my husband be forever banned from buying any water hose repair parts and ask by chance if any water hoses are on sale.
Night all, time for another shower and fuzzy jammys.
 | |
| | |
Scooters Savior
Location: "Si Fi" Ville | Everyday its a circus around here. As for professions, I am an accountant and jewelry dealer. I bet you would have never guessed that especially since most of my accounting friends are quite formal and very structured and are convinced I have a serious mental disorder. I attained to be a bookie, but that is generally illegal and stripes make me look fat. | |
| | |
  Keeper of the King Snake
Posts: 7616
Location: Dubach, LA | I love it when funny stuff happens to other people! Thanks for the well-written laugh. | |
| | |
 Angel in a Sorrel Coat
Posts: 16030
Location: In a happy place | You are a really good story teller no matter what you do for a living. | |
| | |
 Hawty & Nawty
Posts: 20424
| I'm an author and I couldn't have wrote that better. Amazingly funny!!!! If you are old enough, you might remember Erma Bombeck. That sounded like something she would have wrote. | |
| | |
 A Somebody to Everybody
Posts: 41354
Location: Under The Big Sky Of Texas | Now thats funny , I think you did much better in writing this then any one that writes for a living.  | |
| | |
 Certified Snake Wrangler
Posts: 1672
Location: North MS | You should definitely be writing a book! You have the wit to write an amazing story about a calamity stricken barrel racer and her hopes to reach the NFR. | |
| |
| |
Folks on-line