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 Shelter Dog Lover
Posts: 10277
  
| Three 4 Luck - 2014-09-29 10:26 AM Do what you need to do to save your sanity and get through the grieving process. Just don't do anything permanent right now. This is good advice. My sister lost her 31 year old daughter almost 3 years ago to a brain tumor. She was special needs and the focus of my sisters life, especially the last 6 years. Not a decision was made without first thinking of Anne's care and needs. When she passed my sister not only lost her daughter but she also lost what had occupied her mind, soul and heart 24 hours a day. Like her, I can see you now being lost without the focus of your dad to take care of in addition to grieving for your dad. Take care of yourself, take one day at a time, take an extended vacation if you can. It will get better, the loss and grieving for your dad will always be
with you but gradually the grief will turn into much cherished memories that will also make you smile while at the same time missing him. My sister also had tremendous guilt that she couldn't save her daughter, that she didn't do enough. Nothing could be farther from the truth as is the case with your dad. Sorry for your loss.
Edited by rodeomom3 2014-09-29 2:06 PM
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Veteran
Posts: 103
| Therapists, medication, time away....these are all examples of us trying to fix a situation that can only be fixed by God. He knows the path of your life, yesterday, today and tomorrow. He is waiting for you to ask for his guidance and direction. He is the only one who can help and the one that has been there with you all along. Open your heart to his presence. I don't know the extent of your faith, but if you need help, contact a pastor at a local church of your choice. They will be glad to pray with you and let God speak to you. God bless you and I will pray for you. | |
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  Playing the Waiting Game
Posts: 2304
| just a prayer and a hug   | |
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 I Prefer to Live in Fantasy Land
Posts: 64864
Location: In the Hills of Texas | Sending prayers and hugs...
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 Toastest with the Mostest
Posts: 5712
Location: That part of Texas | classicpotatochip - 2014-09-29 10:57 AM I have a Xanax scrip for when it just gets to be too much. I take maybe 10 of them all year long. I can feel my mind sort of waiting for my body to play along and start dumping adrenaline and other nasties into my bloodstream, but my body just stays relaxed, heart rate steady. I get the right amount of sleep and wake up rested. I still react and live my life, but I don't overreact when I'm on it. Don't be scared of the right tool. Use the stuff the doctors gave you as a tool for daily living quality, not a crutch to be abused, and I think you can really appreciate any help you can get.
+1 -- I agree on possibly trying some meds on a short term basis. I've taken similar stuff in the past to get by in some pretty trying times and it helps to know that for a little bit you can get some relief, even if it's just a guaranteed good night's sleep.
When I was reading your story, the one thing that did come to mind was maybe your father knew he was much sicker than he appeared but he also knew there probably wasn't much that could be done for him. Instead of spending possibly more grueling days ahead at a hospital and having the same outcome, he got to spend his last day with you in the place that he loved -- not hooked up to some machine and you having to make harder decisions about whether or not to go full force on keeping him here or letting him go. He might have made the decision for you instead.
I also think that he may have been steering stuff from beyond when it came to the autopsy, funeral and some other stuff going on. Maybe instead of seeing it as how you were denied things, think of what you might be being protected from by not having things go as planned. Something may have possibly been worse up both of those roads and he spared you by having stuff happen the way it did.
I have a saying in my office that reads "Stress makes you believe that everything has to happen right now. Faith reassures you that everything will happen in God's timing." Don't let the stress around this situation force you to make a big move right now. Whenever that stress comes along, recognize it for what it is, put it in a box and only give it the consideration that it's due -- which is one that shouldn't be at the forefront. If it stays there in the next couple of months, I'd look at it again when it's not so overwhelming and tempting. Definitely take a good vacation though and be good to yourself. You'll be in my prayers.
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