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 Expert
Posts: 1304
 
| Well I had posted about a month and a half ago asking for advice after being broken up with after a long term relationship. I have met someone who is simply awesome, shares the same goals, morals and values, and has his crap together. I really like him on so many levels and he's the kind of person I always saw myself wanting to love and be with long term. Aside from that, whether I liked someone or not, I can't help but miss my ex boyfriend severely...unfortunately to help myself I have to try and translate his flaws and all of the crappy things he did into making him a bad person. This helps me cope. No matter how much I know that it was for the better and how much I know that I'm a lot happier, I still catch myself missing him so so much. It's very frustrating and down right makes me angry because I didn't do anything, was dumped unexpectedly and in a crappy way, and am left to deal with all the pain and hurt. I got zero closure. I'm not trying to move on too fast but this new person that God brought into my life, I believe for a reason, is wonderful and I want to be able to appreciate him and open my heart to him but know I can't for a long time and I'm freaking impatient. I don't mind bein single and am not someone who always has to be in a relationship but it's not about being in a relationship, it's just he waltzed into my life out of nowhere and is perfect and I really feel like God knew what he was doing. We've hit it off and clicked like that. I know I gotta take things slow and time heals, but I'm just having a hard time and want this whole process to be over. What can I do to make this better? By the way, I have no social media and live 2 and a half hours away from my ex boyfriend and have not talked to him since around the time it happened, as well as I don't let anyone talk to me about him or anything like that so I'm doin pretty good in that sense and that all really helps but it's just not enough to get him out of my mind. Honestly I haven't been home (where he lives) for awhile and don't want to go home for a long time because we share the same friend network and live/hang out with in miles of each other and I don't want there to be any chance of running into him. I just wanna pretend like he doesn't exist right now. I keep praying and I'm just trusting in God to help me but need some help here now. I also have went to counseling offered free through my university but there's a long waiting list so that's really frustrating. I've been focusing on the positive and let one of my best friends stay with my about 85% of the week because with people around me I think about him a lot less often and having a lot of fun girl time, etc really helps. I work two part time jobs, go to school full time, am involved at our university farm very often with my classes, and volunteer so I definitely stay busy but in the down time I have or just laying in bed or even driving from place to place stirs up memories of him. I was told not to feel guilty because it's only natural to think of him because we were together for almost four years but I can't help but feel guilty and think that if I were to be getting to know someone better like I am, that it would make my ex boyfriend feel like our relationship meant nothing to me, which is completely the opposite. I'm not sure why I care so much because he doesn't care about me, and it makes me mad that I care like I do. I'm sorry to post about it on here but I don't know who else to vent to. What can I do to make this easier? |
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 Elite Veteran
Posts: 1182
Location: Do I hear Banjos? | Sometimes its not really missing the person...it's not having had any control over the ending. It's the sudden loss that lingers. It's like mourning a death in a way...the death of that relationship. You need to allow yourself to truly grieve the loss itself. Not avoid any and all mention/memory of the person. You need to accept that it is over before you can move on...not just shove it to the background.
Ask yourself...would you take him back if here were standing there now asking? If not...then you have turned the corner. Just allow yourself to grieve the loss of the relationship a bit. That's normal. |
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 Accident Prone
Posts: 22277
 
Location: 100 miles from Nowhere, AR | Relax and enjoy where you ARE without worrying about where things are going with the new guy. Cultivate his friendship, don't hurry into the physical side of things, and let the rest take care of itself. The biggest regrets people have are not the chances they took that didn't work out, but the roads not taken and explored. |
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 Cute Little Imp
Posts: 2747
Location: N Texas | He was a big part of your life for a long time, so it's going to take a little while to completely get over it. Sounds like you're staying strong, and keep reminding yourself that you're better off without him!  |
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 Elite Veteran
Posts: 929
| Feel free to become good friends with this new person, but don't move into a new relationship too quickly or just to take your thoughts off the old one. Being single can be FUN. You REALLY learn to be your own best friend and what YOU want and what YOU like. It's also a good gauge of what you will and won't be willing to put up with or look for in a new partner.
Kudos to you for stopping friends from talking about your ex. Unless its something you NEED to know...you don't need to know. Stay on the opposite side of town for a while and do your own thing. It will help you out in the long run. |
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Expert
Posts: 1304
| Sorry it took me so long to respond and thank you for all of the advice! Every day gets easier but I have really down days, like the day I posted. You all are right, and as much as I have deep feelings left for my ex I don't think I could ever go back because of his immaturity and all the hurt. I'm a lot happier now and just need to keep on keepin on. |
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 Ms Bling Bling Sleeze Kitty
Posts: 20917
Location: LouLouVille, OK | if you keep looking back you will miss what's next...
your ex and you didn't work for a reason...
my best advice... don't date... for AT LEAST 3 months, 6 is better and a year is the best! lol once you are happy in your own company, truely happy and don't long for that "relationship" is when one will find you... getting them out of your mind just takes time, but find things you enjoy and allow yourself to heal
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 You get what you give
Posts: 13030
Location: Texas | My boyfriend of 7 years broke up with me in July.. I was expecting marriage...I've been surviving vet school without him but of course now he regrets his decision and wants to fix things.. and of course that all changed when I finally decided I was over it and he could take a hike. At least you have someone who's interested in you, LOL. All I've had are dead ends and now ex bf who wants to get back together.. |
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 Love Me Some Robert Redford
Posts: 2335
Location: WV | TrailGirl - 2014-10-30 12:59 PM
Sometimes its not really missing the person...it's not having had any control over the ending. Â It's the sudden loss that lingers. Â It's like mourning a death in a way...the death of that relationship. Â You need to allow yourself to truly grieve the loss itself. Â Not avoid any and all mention/memory of the person. Â You need to accept that it is over before you can move on...not just shove it to the background.
Ask yourself...would you take him back if here were standing there now asking? Â If not...then you have turned the corner. Â Just allow yourself to grieve the loss of the relationship a bit. Â That's normal.
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 Extreme Veteran
Posts: 412
Location: In Husker Land | I had something similar happen to me..had been in a 3 yr relationship with a guy that didn't treat me the way I should have been treated..but I had fallen for him, had blinders on, etc. He did the same thing to me..dumped me unexpectedly. I was heartbroken, but I credit God in what he did next. I met my husband that same week that I got dumped, he had a massive tradegy in his life, he was with his best friend when he accidently shot himself and was killed. We hit it off, had our first date on my birthday, and the rest is history. My birthday is on Monday and we have been together for 14 years, married for 11. I know God placed him there and me there for him..and we only grew up 15 miles apart our whole lives. God places people in your life for a reason..just thought I would share my story..
Edited by hckbarrelracer 2014-11-06 9:57 PM
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  Ms. Marine
Posts: 4641
Location: Texas | Three 4 Luck - 2014-10-30 10:00 AM
 Relax and enjoy where you ARE without worrying about where things are going with the new guy.  Cultivate his friendship, don't hurry into the physical side of things, and let the rest take care of itself.  The biggest regrets people have are not the chances they took that didn't work out, but the roads not taken and explored.
Excellent advice!  |
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