|
|
 Extreme Veteran
Posts: 540
 
Location: My own little world :) | Does anyone have any stories of relationships where they were on the verge of divorce but then they reconciled? |
|
| |
|
 Elite Veteran
Posts: 679
Location: The Republic of Texas | I don't know if this will help you but when I first got married in 2004 I went to live in Germany with my husband who was stationed there after his first deployment he got back home and I've gotten back into horses and he told me that it was the horses or him and I said I'll take the horses thank you after that we separated for about 8 months into and then he decided the he wanted back in and the horses could stay and yes we did have children. |
|
| |
|
Extreme Veteran
Posts: 540
Location: My own little world :) | Did he pursue divorce or were you just separated? I love your story though! Wait to stand up for having your horses! That is awesome! And you had children at the time? |
|
| |
|
 Good Grief!
Posts: 6343
 
Location: Cap'n Joan Rotgut.....alberta | Heres my 2 cents...it broke for a reason..and unless you can see both parties giving full effort...the reason it fell apart will rear its ugly head again......so thats the long answer the short answer no......m |
|
| |
|
Location: MN | My friend actually got divorced (had one child together at the time). They were fully separated for over a year and a half. Got back together and remarried after a few years. They had another baby, and have been going strong for over 10 years now. I think they were young and just needed time to figure out what they wanted.
If this is regarding your relationship, I wish you all the best! It isn't easy to stay and make it work, and sometimes it's just as hard to let go and move on. |
|
| |
|
Expert
Posts: 1343
Location: East Texas | After being married for more than 37 years, I think I have a pretty good understanding of the happily married life and I wish you were gone life! Our marriage has been very, very good. Two children, 7 grandchildren... but, over those years, there are times when we both wished the other one would disappear. What has gotten us through is our deep faith in God and turning to him in those times of trouble. About 20 years into the marriage, things were about at the end. I asked God to show me what to do. I LOVED my horses and putting them first was one of my "parts" of the problem in the marriage. I believe to this day that God was telling me that "to gain something, you must lose something." I still had my horses, but quit going to barrel races and basically turned them all out for about a year. He changed some things that he was doing and we eventually got right back on track and have had another 17 years of a good, solid and happy marriage. And, yes, I did start riding and competing again, but was more careful of my time. He didn't demand it... that is what I chose to do. There are and can be reconciliations... mine has not ended and I am so thankful that it didn't!! |
|
| |
|
 Expert
Posts: 2128
| I know couples who have:
Gotten divorced, gotten remarried had children then divorced again.
A couple who had 3 kids got divorced, dated other people.. the man conceived a child with another woman, the two got back together and remarried included the new child into the family and are still together.
A couple who was married had a child, divorced ...fast forward ... they are back together and engaged to be remarried on the 20th anniversary of their divorce.
Edited by scwebster 2016-08-05 12:03 PM
|
|
| |
|
 Owner of a ratting catting machine
Posts: 2258
| horsesinharleton - 2016-08-05 9:58 AM
After being married for more than 37 years, I think I have a pretty good understanding of the happily married life and I wish you were gone life! Our marriage has been very, very good. Two children, 7 grandchildren... but, over those years, there are times when we both wished the other one would disappear. What has gotten us through is our deep faith in God and turning to him in those times of trouble. About 20 years into the marriage, things were about at the end. I asked God to show me what to do. I LOVED my horses and putting them first was one of my "parts" of the problem in the marriage. I believe to this day that God was telling me that "to gain something, you must lose something." I still had my horses, but quit going to barrel races and basically turned them all out for about a year. He changed some things that he was doing and we eventually got right back on track and have had another 17 years of a good, solid and happy marriage. And, yes, I did start riding and competing again, but was more careful of my time. He didn't demand it... that is what I chose to do. There are and can be reconciliations... mine has not ended and I am so thankful that it didn't!!
Thanks for sharing this! It's easy to forget that the Number One Priority in your life when you are married is your spouse. |
|
| |
|
Expert
Posts: 1343
Location: East Texas | classicpotatochip - 2016-08-05 12:24 PM
horsesinharleton - 2016-08-05 9:58 AM
After being married for more than 37 years, I think I have a pretty good understanding of the happily married life and I wish you were gone life! Our marriage has been very, very good. Two children, 7 grandchildren... but, over those years, there are times when we both wished the other one would disappear. What has gotten us through is our deep faith in God and turning to him in those times of trouble. About 20 years into the marriage, things were about at the end. I asked God to show me what to do. I LOVED my horses and putting them first was one of my "parts" of the problem in the marriage. I believe to this day that God was telling me that "to gain something, you must lose something." I still had my horses, but quit going to barrel races and basically turned them all out for about a year. He changed some things that he was doing and we eventually got right back on track and have had another 17 years of a good, solid and happy marriage. And, yes, I did start riding and competing again, but was more careful of my time. He didn't demand it... that is what I chose to do. There are and can be reconciliations... mine has not ended and I am so thankful that it didn't!!
Thanks for sharing this! It's easy to forget that the Number One Priority in your life when you are married is your spouse.
It's sometimes easy to forget. But if I am going to live a Godly life, I believe with all my heart that God is first and spouse after Him. It has definitely worked for us! |
|
| |
|
Extreme Veteran
Posts: 540
Location: My own little world :) | Thank you everyone. It is just so difficult to know which way to turn. You don't know if you are dumb for thinking there is still hope but then moving on feels like you're giving up and just feels wrong. I appreciate all of your insight and responses. Thank you. |
|
| |
|
Elite Veteran
Posts: 679
Location: The Republic of Texas | Zanadoo88 - 2016-08-05 7:58 AM
Did he pursue divorce or were you just separated? I love your story though! Wait to stand up for having your horses! That is awesome! And you had children at the time?
Yes I had children at the time, I did not do well in Germany and we were fresh out of high school when we moved there. Got married Dec 2004 pregnant in Feb 2005 moved to germany June 2005. We didn't pursue divorce, just separation, we couldn't justify divorce with us in separate countries. He finally realized that the woman he knew and loved was nuts without horses. He told his father once in front of me that it was cheaper to keep horses then to keep me locked up a nut ward...lol..... |
|
| |
|
 Expert
Posts: 3782
Location: Gainesville, TX | Yes I have a couple people I know on my husband's side. Married. Infidelity. Got remarried later. Been married over 20 years.
My husband and I also had some pretty significant struggles early on in our marriage. We had to realign our priorities and learn how to manage conflict. We were both young. But we are doing better now and just had our first child. |
|
| |
|
 Toastest with the Mostest
Posts: 5712
Location: That part of Texas | Zanadoo88 - 2016-08-05 4:00 PM Thank you everyone. It is just so difficult to know which way to turn. You don't know if you are dumb for thinking there is still hope but then moving on feels like you're giving up and just feels wrong. I appreciate all of your insight and responses. Thank you.
I have had a ton of people call to get an appointment to talk to me about hiring me to represent them in a divorce and had an initial consultation that ended at that point. The one thing that I have found is that you know when you are ready and everybody is different. Some figure things out, some just continue to live with the discord and others finally reach a point where it's the only good option for them. If you reach that point, you'll know and it's going to be for your own reasons. Getting good with yourself on it is what helps through the rocky aspects of it all and they will come no matter how agreed you both are. There's always a giltch -- some are just smaller and more manageable than others. You'll know -- either way you decide to go.
P.S. -- Don't be afraid to talk to a lawyer about your options and then feel bad if you don't decide to file. It happens and it's just part of the business. If you feel bad about wasting their time with a free consultation, gift cards for lunch are always a hit. I never expected anything when I did a free consultation but I have had a few people send back thank you notes letting me know they were working on their marriage and wanted to at least buy me lunch.
|
|
| |
|
 I Don't Brag
Posts: 6960
| Me.
After 25 years of marriage, me bending over backwards and never doing enough (putting him and his daughter first along the way), and two years of the classic fighting which we had never resorted to before, I was DONE. Then one day he shouted that he was moving out and wanted a divorce. I quietly said, OK. Anything he wanted then or later would be there when he needed it, anything of his daughter's was to be gone by the end of the week. He shouted "What!??" and I quietly repeated myself, no histrionics....
Then he got in my face and shouted "Do you want to go to counseling?!" And almost laughing, I said "Yes".
It was a case of not knowing what you had until you lose it (in his case...something men are prone to). We had tried counseling years before, he went but did not participate. I was able to find someone he would actually listen to, a woman, of all things (was a man before), and we got a lot accomplished along the way. We are headed towards our 38th anniversary in October. It is not as good as it could have been once upon a time, but it is WAY better than it was. His daughter is still an issue for him because I refuse to be pulled in to her drama an refuse to take the using and abuse....she is not allowed at my house nor do I go where she is (she lives 1/2 mile away, a place that OUR money allowed her and her then hubby to buy ). There is a long, ugly history there. I have no problem with him having a relationship with her or her kids but I refuse to be the facilitator any more. I bent over backwards for BOTH of them and not only did they take advantage but disrespected me greatly for it. He knows it and deals with the status quo but whines that it is hard on him sometimes.
So it CAN happen, but it takes BOTH sides to commit to making it work....again.
IMHO people lack the commitment these days and give up too easily, a tough thing when kids are involved. |
|
| |
|
 Expert
Posts: 1304
| I've not been married so I don't want to sound like a know it all because my experience isn't really the same, and marriage is definitely more serious. But..long story short, my boyfriend and I got together and were head over heels for each other and things were great. After over a year, we knew we loved each other but we just couldn't get along, at all. This spiraled into other problems; I had issues and he had issues and it just wasn't good. We finally took a break. As much as it hurt, I grew so much as a person and so did he. After keeping in touch off and on for about a month and a half, we met up again, reevaluated things, and decided to give it another try. Things have been better than ever since then, and I'm thankful God made us take a break. We're on the same page now, changed the way we communicate, had to give/take on some things, and we know that we want to work through everything together. So although I haven't been married, I just wanted to share that because I don't think it's dumb to think things could work again. I think it just depends on the severity of the issues and if both people are willing to address them and change. |
|
| |
|
 Three in a Bikini
Posts: 2035
| oija - 2016-08-08 8:43 AM
Yes I have a couple people I know on my husband's side. Married. Infidelity. Got remarried later. Been married over 20 years.
My husband and I also had some pretty significant struggles early on in our marriage. We had to realign our priorities and learn how to manage conflict. We were both young. But we are doing better now and just had our first child.
This.
I don't want to say I have ever been close to divorce but we have faced significant struggles. We did go to a Christian marriage counselor because of it and learned to look at things in a different light.
If you are at the end of your rope and can see a counselor I would recommend it. We only went one time. One swift kick in the butt was all we needed.
 |
|
| |
|
  Color My World
Posts: 4940
Location: My perfect world bubble | Sent you a PM |
|
| |
Folks on-line