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| I swear I always come on here for advice unrelated to barrel racing, but how do you rationalize when you feel something is right and outside factors tell you it isn't? Specifically in a relationship. I feel like I know that this person is the one, but they don't feel that way about me which is a horrible feeling. I'm pretty good at reading people I think and I thought they felt the same and sure as heck acted like it, and suddenly I'm not. I try to follow my gut and pray for God to give me guidance, but I still am getting the same feeling. I guess I feel stupid because I must be wrong and I thought I would feel a gut feeling and feelings overall telling me that it isn't right. I'm obviously not going to chase this person and make myself look like a dumb a** but I'm terribly confused. I don't get it. How do I get over/through this? | |
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 A Somebody to Everybody
Posts: 41354
 
Location: Under The Big Sky Of Texas | If he dont have the same feelings about you as you do him then hes not the one. Sorry  | |
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 Extreme Veteran
Posts: 456
Location: SW MO | Alright this may not be helpful but I went through this as well. We were planning on getting married, thats how much I thought we "felt the same" (looking back it was fake on his part). I was in that relationship for years, and I got a creeping feeling over time that we weren't on the same page anymore. It took me many months, many tears, and I felt very terrible about myself. I ended up ending things and I promise you that there is someone out there who will TRULY feel the same way you do, and you will be able to feel it. Your gut will tell you that, and you won't be uneasy or worried about it. I know its hard but you can't be in a situation that makes you feel bad, or waste time on someone who isn't on the same page. you deserve someone who wants the same you want.
Edited by Mzbradford 2016-09-12 3:32 PM
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 Expert
Posts: 1286
Location: Mississippi | I feel for you because I have been there. I stayed with someone for 6 years who I "thought" I couldn't live without. He actually told me quite a few times over the years that he didn't feel as strongly about me but being stubborn, I thought I could change his mind. Honestly, life is too short - if the other person does not feel the same way about you, move on. Easier said than done I know but I wish wish wish I hadn't wasted that much time being sad. It's hard now and will suck for a few weeks, months maybe depending on how long you have been together but every day will get easier and there will come a point that you will look back and wonder why you stayed as long as you did. And if you leave and he realizes he can't live without you then things will work out that way as well. | |
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 Owner of a ratting catting machine
Posts: 2258
| Well. How to get through it?
Grow a back bone, delete the texts, the pics, the numbers, the guy, and walk. Have some respect for yourself and stop questioning your self worth. Keep the anger and resentment, anxiety and confusion off social media.
Everyone deserves someone that would kill concrete for them, and walk through fire to prove it. They also deserve to have the dignity to go through something like this looking like a class act and the ungettable get.
Edited to add: He's obviously going to miss out!
Edited by classicpotatochip 2016-09-12 4:34 PM
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 Total Germophobe
Posts: 6443
Location: Montana | There are a million different ways you can rationalize something, but it doesn't necessarily make it the right thing, I've tried. You get over/through it by taking it one day at a time...it is just like going through the 5 stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. My most recent breakup I went through all of those emotions...sometimes all in the same day! It was the hardest thing I think I ever did. Praying is the best thing you can do. It is hard, but when you know it is the right thing, you won't regret it. Hugs to you. | |
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Expert
Posts: 1304
| Thanks guys. I consider myself a somewhat strong person but I just feel all kinds of emotions. I don't have social media so it's not on there, I've deleted pictures, and it kills me but I've been trying not to talk to him. He's all over the place with what he wants and he has acted so serious that the past few months we got more into looking at houses/properties together, he planned to move in with me and then us make the next step together, he's said and done so many serious things, his mom finally met some of my family just prior to this happening, etc etc...that's why I'm so dumbfounded. None of it adds up and it disgusts me. I've definitely been going through those stages as well. One minute I'm fine and the next I'm either a hot mess, PO'ed, or just in denial. I've actually been doing a lot on my own and have enjoyed alone time so it helps. I also had a super hot country boy get my number at the WVU game this past weekend so that gives me some sort of distraction,lol. I'm trying to make myself feel better and know this won't be easy. I feel stronger surprisingly but it still doesn't help how much I miss him. Thank you for the words of encouragement. I guess I just don't know how I was so wrong | |
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 A Barrel Of Monkeys
Posts: 12972
Location: Texas | Maybe cold feet, or maybe he's not sure about the relationship. Whatever is his problem, you are right to back off. Be aloof, don't contact him, don't be available.
Hold out for someone who loves you so much, they can't stand to be without you. Being with someone whom you love more than they love you is torture.
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 Some Kind of Trouble
Posts: 4430
| The heart DOES lie... that's all I can say. lol Your head is telling you the truth, the outside factors, the things that don't add up... those are the truth despite what you feel your heart wants. | |
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Expert
Posts: 1304
| Thank you for being my voice of reason. I'm feeling worse as time goes on because things are sinking in, and I literally feel like the days are long because I'm struggling but they all mesh together and seem like a daze and before I know it it's a new day. I'm trying to stay strong but it's definitely not easy. I really am enjoying alone time and feel stronger but weak all at the same time. Thanks BB's for listening!! Is it normal to feel like there's no closure? | |
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Extreme Veteran
Posts: 456
Location: SW MO | mtcanchazer - 2016-09-12 8:12 PM
There are a million different ways you can rationalize something, but it doesn't necessarily make it the right thing, I've tried. You get over/through it by taking it one day at a time...it is just like going through the 5 stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. My most recent breakup I went through all of those emotions...sometimes all in the same day! It was the hardest thing I think I ever did. Praying is the best thing you can do. It is hard, but when you know it is the right thing, you won't regret it. Hugs to you.
The 5 stages are exactly what I went through as well. This post is great advice!! | |
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Extreme Veteran
Posts: 456
Location: SW MO | blccwgl55 - 2016-09-13 12:52 PM
Thank you for being my voice of reason. I'm feeling worse as time goes on because things are sinking in, and I literally feel like the days are long because I'm struggling but they all mesh together and seem like a daze and before I know it it's a new day. I'm trying to stay strong but it's definitely not easy. I really am enjoying alone time and feel stronger but weak all at the same time. Thanks BB's for listening!! Is it normal to feel like there's no closure?
I have been out of the relationship since March.. and I don't know if I have full closure yet. Everytime I start to think about that relationship I have to stop myself and just remind myself how upset/ what a roller coaster I was because my life isn't like that now at all and honestly I would never go back. But it just feels like it never really went away, if that makes sense. | |
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| I've been on the other side of the coin...not having the same feelings. I Dated a guy years ago that was a wonderful person. Treated me like gold, bought me everything I wanted, took me places, etc. I tried hard to make it work and went through the planning a life and we're getting married thing too so I'm sure it was pretty heartbreaking for him when we split. I really wanted it to work but reality hit one day and I realized I just didn't have the same feelings, which maybe why suddenly things changed.
Anyhow, that was 24 years ago. I've now been married for 22 years to the love of my life and I couldn't imagine it any other way. He married after to a really nice girl, had a son, and is very happy. I'm sure he cannot imagine his life any other way either.
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Total Germophobe
Posts: 6443
Location: Montana | LAC - 2016-09-13 12:50 PM I've been on the other side of the coin...not having the same feelings. I Dated a guy years ago that was a wonderful person. Treated me like gold, bought me everything I wanted, took me places, etc. I tried hard to make it work and went through the planning a life and we're getting married thing too so I'm sure it was pretty heartbreaking for him when we split. I really wanted it to work but reality hit one day and I realized I just didn't have the same feelings, which maybe why suddenly things changed. Anyhow, that was 24 years ago. I've now been married for 22 years to the love of my life and I couldn't imagine it any other way. He married after to a really nice girl, had a son, and is very happy. I'm sure he cannot imagine his life any other way either. I've been through that too...we weren't planning a wedding, but we were looking to go for the long run. I just realized that I wasn't ready for that kind of committment (this was 4 or 5 years ago) and I just didn't feel that way about him, at least right then. And I know I broke his heart, and I felt bad about that but I couldn't do it.
Either way, it isn't a healthy relationship in the long run, no matter which side of the relationship you're on.
Edited by mtcanchazer 2016-09-13 1:58 PM
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Expert
Posts: 1611
| Do NOT waste your **** time.
If you have to force, chase, or hurt/lose yourself in the process just drop the toxic person.
I stayed in a relationship for 5 yrs with someone who was abusive and toxic. I didn't even realize how bad they messed up my life views until I got away from them. The best thing that happened to me was them finally leaving me for one of his flings he sore to god he was never having.
The only things you should ever chase are drinks and dreams NOT men.
It will hurt like hell to let go of someone you love but it will be the best thing you have ever done. The right person will never make you think twice about their affections for you. If they do then they are not the one.
Many ppl stay in relationships because they are scared. Years of unhappiness for both ppl involved. Screw that life is short! Do you and stand on your own two feet. Once you are on the outside and can stand on your own two feet single and happy the right person will come along. And if they don't so what be happy doing you. | |
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 Extreme Veteran
Posts: 545
Location: Texas | I can say I've been there in a similar situation. I dated a guy for 5 1/2 years. I just knew he was the one, but he always made some dumb excuses as to why we weren't getting married then, and sometime in the 'future'. Then as the years went on, things started to kind of go downhill. His lies started to come to life, he had been cheating and lying almost the entire relationship. When I would put puzzle pieces together and question him he would make me feel like I was the worst person for even thinking he would do that. Despite all that I loved him so much and loved his family and was super close to them making things even harder. The last 8 months of the relationship was spent with him telling me one minute he wanted to be with me and the next he wasn't sure what he wanted and he wanted to pursue one of the girls he had cheated with. Anyway his Dad ended up passing away in that time, and so through all that I was there but he didn't want me there really. So as I was trying to move on or decide why it wasn't working out and how he could just say he didn't want me, I was talking to his grandparents one day and they told me they loved me as their own, but I deserved someone who loved me as much as I loved him. I thought coming from his family that seemed odd, but as I started to take a step back I realized he didn't feel what I felt and we weren't meant to be together. I finally got enough courage to be done and allow myself to heal. Until I decided I was done for good, I spent several months crying, being angry, all of the things mentioned aboved. When I finally got the courage to be done for good and started living for me again I started becoming happier again. Then about two months later I ran into an old high school friend, who is now my husband and haven't looked back. I was always told that when you meet the right person, it makes up for all the time you spent on the wrong one. I didn't know that I believed that, but within a few months/year of dating my now husband, those 5 1/2 years didn't mean much. After I had moved on my ex called/texted many times for many years telling me he made the biggest mistake of his life and blah blah. Keep your head up and know that you deserve someone who loves you no matter what and can't live without you. I am sorry you're going through this and know it does get better. I questioned everything about myself, what was wrong with me, why didn't he want me, did I do something wrong, etc. It wasn't me, it just wasn't meant to be. Also sometimes, timing might not be right, so maybe he might be the one but the timing might not be right.
Edited by TXBarrelRacer84 2016-09-13 2:26 PM
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 Expert
Posts: 2457
| classicpotatochip - 2016-09-12 4:32 PM
Well. How to get through it?
Grow a back bone, delete the texts, the pics, the numbers, the guy, and walk. Have some respect for yourself and stop questioning your self worth. Keep the anger and resentment, anxiety and confusion off social media.
Everyone deserves someone that would kill concrete for them, and walk through fire to prove it. They also deserve to have the dignity to go through something like this looking like a class act and the ungettable get.
Edited to add: He's obviously going to miss out!
THIS ^^^ A million times, THIS!
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Blessed 
Location: Here | classicpotatochip - 2016-09-12 4:32 PM Well. How to get through it? Grow a back bone, delete the texts, the pics, the numbers, the guy, and walk. Have some respect for yourself and stop questioning your self worth. Keep the anger and resentment, anxiety and confusion off social media. Everyone deserves someone that would kill concrete for them, and walk through fire to prove it. They also deserve to have the dignity to go through something like this looking like a class act and the ungettable get. Edited to add: He's obviously going to miss out!
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Veteran
Posts: 285
| I'm sorry you ate going through this. I know it can be very hard. Over time, things will get better, I promise. Cut contact with him, have a girls night out, concentrate on work and your hobbies. Time will heal. Don't wonder why. I've been in relationships that I never understood why they left, and years later he tried to crawl back saying he was sorry. Find someone who can't imagine losing you. | |
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Expert
Posts: 1304
| Thank you guys. It really helps hearing that, that someone should hate the thought of losing you just like how I felt about him. One minute I'm good and the next not so much, but that thought is keeping me strong! And seriously though...that smokin country boy I met at the football game is keeping me distracted..I don't want a relationship for a long time, he's just nice to look at and talk to  Lol. I'm graduating with my Masters in May, working as a GA and weight loss coach, starting to apply to jobs next month, buying my uncle's truck, spending time with family and my twin and new little nephew, having a dog, getting ready for bow season are all keeping me pretty busy so that really helps!!! | |
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