Actually more like a kick in the hinnie!!!!

I am going through a confidence thing.  I need some advice, something to get me out of it. I know it is up to me, but I need a little support. My hubby just says "get er done" , does not help.  I have a new mare and she is great when not in heat, when she came in heat when I would nudge her with my feet she would kick up.  I am getting her some moody mare something.  Now I am afraid to kick her.  I also have a 4 year old gelding that I would love to ride , but he reared up with me and I am so scared to ask him to do anything now.  Both horses have lots of potiental but I don't think I have what it takes anymore.  I keep trudging along because I love riding and racing, don't want to give it up.  Thought I would take a break and when it got warmer I was back at it, I don't want to be away from the horses.  I am fixing to turn 30 , is this mid life crisis?  Has anyone else went through this , I would love to hear how you got through it.  I am so afraid that I will get hurt and not be able to take care of my family.  My hubby works all the time ,plus out of town.  He is the only one bringing in a check.  I really don't want to quit and I won't quit, both horses have been rode by other people just to see if it is them or me.  IT"S ME!!!!  Sorry this is long , just need advice.  Thank you.

I think we all get this way

I know I do!!!!

This board has been a big inspiration to me at times and gets me back going.

I wish I had some words of wisdom but being I am fighting the same thing all I can say I am trying too!!!

I know how you feel....

I was going through the same thing as you a month ago.  I have an 11 month old daughter and I hadn't ridden hard since before she was born.  I was still feeling like a chicken and so afraid of getting hurt because I am her main caretaker.  My stud came off of four months of stall rest last month and I was scared of him at first, (even though he'd never taken a dishonest step with me.)  It is breeding season and after four months off, I was sure that he'd be frisky.  I got the ok from the vet to start riding him again and it took me about a week before I finally took off on him.  I had to wait until it wasn't windy or muddy since I was a chicken.  Anyway, I took off and if he'd stumble or swish his tail, I was sure I was going to get dumped off.  I didn't even kick him the whole ride because I was sure I'd make him mad.  The second ride, I was braver and after a few more sweaty saddle blankets, I was feeling sure of myself again.  I have been conditioning him for three weeks now and ride 4-6 miles a day.  I am back to my old self again.  I'm feeling the "mojo" coming back.

I know if you aren't feeling confident, the horse is going to feel you and be nervous too.  When I got home from the hospital last year, I was helping my brother with his colt.  The colt was being great but my brother needed help teaching him laterals.  I got on to help and was so nervous.  The colt could feel me and started acting like an idiot.

Maybe you could start by riding a horse that you can trust or riding your mare when you know she is not in heat.  I think all you need is some sweaty saddle blankets.  Good Luck.  It might only take one good ride and you'll be out of the slump you are in!!  I can't believe how different my days are now that I am getting to ride every day.  There sure is something magical about horses!

I have been to barrel clinics , but not general horsemanship clinics, never thought of that. 

Solid ,I am just so afraid of getting hurt, neither horse has really tried anything, my gelding reared with me one time and I am just sure everytime I am on him he is waiting for the right time to rear. Gees , I think I think way to much. 

I wish I could just relax and have fun again.  My sis is coming down and we are going to camp out at the sand dunes.  We are going with the dirt bikes and four wheelers and she mentioned horses and I froze. I have ridden my other horses at the dunes just not my mare and my hubby has rode the 4 year old out there and he has no problems .  It is so in my head, if I could get someone to knock it out of there I would be good.

Hello....I'm new to this bb but playindueces I just wanted to let you know that all of us go through what your dealing with right now.  From time to time we all wonder if we still have "what it takes".   And yes I think age (although your still very young) has a bit to do with it.  Having competed in barrels and poles since I was 8 years old and now over 45 I have questioned myself many times.  I don't compete to the extreme that I did at 20 but still enjoy the challenge.  I agree with GoMistyGo, sometimes anything that might be a confidence booster such as a basic horsemanship class is all that's needed.  Sometimes just time and a bunch of good friends does the trick.  Wishing you all the best.

Been there, done that... after a really nasty concussion when I was about your age, I was absolutely shot on confidence.  My husband sold the colt I got the concussion on because I was too shell shocked to ride him right, then bought me a really nice young mare who had been started and was pretty smooth and the first few rides I am sure all I did was saw on her mouth. Within a year I had her winning some pretty good money in barrels and heading.  THEN, it happened again - tried roping on a young horse and got flipped upside down when he went to pitching.  That has resulted in a life long neck injury that makes me very cautious about anything I get on.  My solution to this is I have a great trainer in Kansas who I send anything new to for a month to make sure it is ready for me to take over.  He started four colts for me last year -- one ended up staying four months, but he has never even began to try me once the trainer got past his fits.  Monetarily, I may not be able to make money on that one, but it averages out with the others, and you never know - with that bull headed attitude, he may be a good one! I get a little more money wrapped up in the horses this way, but I think it is definitely worth it. 

I'd say even if your horses are pretty finished that at least going to a horsemanship clinic would be a good place to start.

Oh my goodness, I go through this myself all the time. I really feel the lack of condfidence when I ride with others. UGH. I just keep at it. It is hard but worth it. My older horse has really helped me alot, it was a long hard haul but my cofidence is much improved. He tested me and tested me and I kept at it, he finally caved lol. Better him than me. lol Now when I am feeling that lack of confidence creeping up I get on him and get a lift. lol. We bought a spooky 4 year old. UGH, what was I thinking. I love him and it is going good, I do my deep breathing before I mount and all is good. Oh boy this has gotten long! I agree with the poster who said ALOT of sweaty blankets.

Hope it all works out

cantrnr

They both are pretty good, the mare is really sweet and willing when not in heat.  The gelding is my hubbys but I try to ride him when he can't.  They both are great horses. It is really me, I get scared and then everything they do is even scarier.  I have an older horse that my kids are riding now that I use to ride, I got bored and want something that has more go.  He is dead fred all the way.  I got tired of losing and realize I needed a faster horse.  I do ride the older one when my confidence is way down just to get some solid riding done.

Thank you guys for your advise , keep it coming please.

You guys are awesome. I reply to one and come back and there are several more post.  I really didn't think there would be so many people that have been through and willing to help .  Thank you

Teehaha- My hubby is just like my parents use to be-get back up there and no crying allowed.  He makes me so mad , but I do it mostly just to spite him.

Ladyrider- Welcome to the board.  Thank you so much for the still being young comment. I am really struggling with turning 30 , I so want to hold on to the 20's.

Thank you guys for so much support, you guys are great!!!!!

Playindueces,

do you try to do things with the mare just little by little. Let me try to explain. My colt is afraid of everything, so of course this frightens me. lolol. I think trail riding is the best relaxation for these horses and my self. Well this is not a good combination. So instead of going on a trail ride we just go a little ways, like up to my brother-in -laws(can see my house from his) and we stop and visit when the visit is done I get off lossen the cinch and walk home. We also do some loops close to the house. I will also take him on rides with someone riding the solid horse and when the ride is too iffy hubby will ride the colt. I use this system with my now solid horse and it worked great, we would go a little further when I felt confident enough.

Best of luck and take care

cantrnr

Playindeuces,

Mind if I copy this topic and give it to Kappy?  It's the EXACT thing we were talking about the other night out by her pool.....it's that "mental edge" thing that kicks in so naturally with her....and she SWEARS that she can teach those who want to be taught how to have it!  I'll copy and give to her for a "project" if you don't mind.

I will try this , I don't get to pasture ride much because my son is only 5 and I don't have anyone to watch him much., but I can ride down the street, it is not busy, and back. I think that will help alot.  Thank you.

Wow do I know this feeling.  Now that Missy is done barrel racing I have to ride Merle because she is the only barrel horse I have to ride and she kicks out and sometimes bucks.  So I had a family meeting and told Merle that if I am not around to work and take care of her she is on her own.  Last night she kicked out some but not that bad and because I really don't want to not be going this summer I just sat up and rode.

Deb, please do!!!!  I would love to hear what she has to say about this.  Everyone has given some great advise and I am just waiting for my cousin to pick up her kids so I can go ride.  I feel so much better hearing that some have went through this and survived.  Thank you Deb for thinking about doing this.  All the advice I am getting is great.