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Expert
Posts: 2685
   
| How do you find the happy medium to where you can do your horses and give them the attention they deserve and not leave your SO out? Do you have designated days for horses/SO/ nights out? How does your SO handle the horses and the "horse life"
I know this is really silly but it's very sincere. |
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 I'm Cooler Offline
Posts: 6387
 
Location: Pacific Northwest | Mine just knows that the horses are part of my daily life...like how everyone else showers and brushes their teeth every day, I also have to feed my horses and clean stalls every day. I ride almost every day still and go to barrel races on the weekends but I will skip small races occasionally to do something else. I don't barrel race for a living, and I used to not miss a single race, ever, but I've realized it's okay to miss a $25 jackpot to go to something with people I care about (:
ETA mine doesn't like to ride, which is fine with me. As long as -I- can ride, I don't really care.
Edited by livexlovexrodeo 2013-12-22 9:39 AM
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Member
Posts: 18
| I just ride when ever I want for as long as I want without him. I do not "try and make time for him" He knew getting into our relationship I was a horse head and knows if I had to choose he will loose. He is an excellent fencer, caretaker, truck mechanic, hay hauler, etc. comes camping once in a while but not very often. I actually sold my second horse a couple of years ago. married in 1990, he rode with me while dating, then fizzled out after the ring was on, so did the marriage in 2001, I did not ride much in those 11 years 2 sons not interested in horses. 2002 SO rode with me for the first few years - again fizzled out - |
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 Money Eating Baggage Owner
Posts: 9586
Location: Phoenix | I just go ride. Back when I wasn't in San Diego without horses, I usually had a set time when I would go ride....which gave him time to play video games. My non-horsey SO is actually buying a horse now so we can ride together and he can learn more. I don't expect him to be out there as much as I am though. Honestly, the time spent riding....it's nice to be away. |
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 Veteran
Posts: 114
Location: southeast |
I was in a long term relationship with a SO that rode daily. Our life pretty much revolved around horses and barrel racing. That relationship ended around 3 yrs ago by his choice. For about 2 yrs I rode very little because it was too hard to try and find any joy in it since it was such a huge part of the last 16 yrs of my life and former relationship that I didn't want to end. I ended up getting a new horse in Nov of last year, wasn't really looking for another horse it just happened.... one of those things that just falls in your lap. I didn't even throw a leg across it until March. I started riding both my horses again this past spring and have finally gotten back in the grove and got my desire to ride and go again.
Meanwhile, I started dating a guy that doesn't ride but knows the whole farming thing. He has lots of cattle, grows hay and is a great farmer. He is a temendous help to me and will help me feed, turn horses out etc.. but is not interesed in going with me riding or even being around the horses. It has become really hard because I want to go to some shows that are a ways away but hate traveling and spending the weekend alone. He is fine with me going anywhere for as long as I want to with my horses. He is somewhat supportive but could care less if I do good, do bad etc... he asks but its out of consideration and the fact that I worked my butt off all week tuning and riding. He is so wrapped up in his life and farming that nothing else is a prioriy. We spend 95% of our time seperately doing our own things. It's great we can do our own thing but its tough and lonely not having someone that enjoys a common love of horses. I really miss that.....
Edited by Graceofgod 2013-12-22 10:17 AM
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 Member
Posts: 32
Location: WisCONsin | I met my boyfriend as a junior in High School. He is about 4 and a half years older than me. We will be dating for 5 years in April. He grew up in town but is the motor junkie of the family. He knew nothing about horses before I met him. I mean NOTHING! He can pull a trailer, but I had to teach him how to pull horses because they aren't strapped down (LOL). But I think I got very lucky. He is completely supportive of my horses and barrel racing. He helps me feed and take care of them whenever I need him to, but I try not to burn him out on it. I know it is my habit and not his, and I'm grateful for everything he does for me. He knows horses have to come first because they can't feed themselves. He comes to my barrel races as much as he can and in turn if he mentions that he wants to go fishing or snowmobiling or anything, I try my best to make time to let him do what he wants. Plus it is good for me to do something else too.
He loves my horses but has only ridden a handful of times in almost 5 years. I do like having a non-riding SO. We don't make designated days for just horses or for us time. We just have a mutual give and take relationship. And most of all I don't expect him to help me with my horses, he has every right to tell me no and I can't get angry with him for it. |
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 Expert
Posts: 2276
Location: ohio-in my own little world with pretty ponies :) | My boyfriend knows they are a huge part of my life and understands that they are what I love and they require a lot of work and attention. He goes to barrel races with me when he can, watches me ride at home, spends time with me in the barn sometimes. I also understand that he likes to do what he likes to do like hunting and fishing. We spend a lot of time apart especially since he works 2nd shift and I work 1st. So when we aren't working we do what we can to spend time together...whether that's him sitting out in the barn with me while I clean stalls or me miss a few hours of riding to go help him hang stands or go fishing(which I love almost as much as him). I've been blessed with an absolutely amazing guy! |
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 You get what you give
Posts: 13030
Location: Texas | I don't know. I try and make more time during the week so I can go to races and stuff. With vet school I don't get to go much anyway so he knows better than to say anything when I do get to make a race.
honestly he is more concerned about the money part of it when we get married and live on her own. he's convinced we won't be able to afford it. I'm determined to find a way. I will come out of vet school with over $120,000 in debt and he has ZERO college debt and instead of looking at it as a win that only one of us will have debt, he's already worrying about how quickly we can pay down my loans. Which isn't a bad thing. I just don't want him to go crazy about it. |
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 Veteran
Posts: 141
Location: Centerville, TN | My husband of 37 years does not ride but he supports me 100%. He helps with the feeding, gets hay for us to feed, cleans the stalls. He had never been around horse till he met me and we started dating. After we had been married a few years, he found a horse for me to try, he can watch a run and tell me everything I did right or wrong. He is a out door person, loves to deer hunt, bass fish and I support him. It can all work out if you really work at it and you can have the best of both worlds. |
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Location: Wherever the Army sends my husband | My hubby and I have been married for 6 years now. He knew from day 1 that the horses were a package deal and my # 1 priority. He doesn't want to ride and I don't force it but he goes to every barrel race he can. I don't try to balance time with him verses time with the horses. He helps with all the chores while I ride. But I don't haul all weekend long either. It's usually only once a week that we haul somewhere. |
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 Underestimated Underdog
Posts: 3971
Location: Minnesota | Every day is a horse day around here but we do have a night we consider "date night". The horses were around before my husband and will be after if he ever thought of making me choose. He's actually trying to join in a bit more and it makes me happy. My husband races Wissota Mod 4 dirt track and I go with him all the time and help him with his car so its nice to see him trying to help me as well. This summer he actually rode around the yard a few times. Ill see if I can get a picture to load.
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 Chicken Chick
Posts: 3562
Location: Texas | My hubby goes with me every time I ride because he worries about me. So even when he would rather sit on the couch and watch football he packs up and goes to watch me ride. Unless he is at work, then I have strict instructions to call him and my mom before I ride and after I am done, if I ride longer then he thinks I should and don't hear my phone... he calls in the national guard to go look for me, or he leaves work to look for me. I felt really bad one day when I was riding and my mom and husband showed up at about the same time because they couldn't get ahold of me.
I try to tell him he doesn't have to go with me (I know he doesn't enjoy it), but that has never worked lol. After he watched me get bucked off, he kicked it into over drive. |
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| I am 28 and married and have an 8 month old baby with someone 6 years younger than me. He was not a horse person when we met...but very very supportive. Not so much now. He wanted to start roping so I bought him a head horse in September. He went to one roping, has ridden him maybe ten to fifteen times since. I won quite a bit this year for just having a baby...but I can tell you he doesnt get it. He thinks its the easiest thing in the world. I thought buying him a horse would make him understand, especially since I can out rope him any day of the week. Still has no appreciation for the sport or how much time it takes to be good...or even just better than average. We have a deal worked out now. I always keep my daughter. I haul her all over and try to find help either at the races or with grandparents that dont get to see her very often weekly. I ride during her nap time so as not to take away from his time. I take one weekend a month off to have a family weekend with him away from the horses. That is all that I feel like I owe him and he is lucky that I give him that. Its not my fault he changed so dramatically after getting married. As of current he has been acting very supportive...wondering what the catch is. Either way his ignorance is still annoying and I actually enjoy the fact that he is not around me and the horses...it is my much needed escape |
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 I Chore in Chucks
Posts: 2882
Location: MD | Mines incredibly supportive and understanding for someone who knew nothing about horses when we started dating.
Goes with me to every race, helps as much as he can. But we always have Sundays, watch football, eat a lot of food. That will obviously change come warmer weather and show season! But i guess if a so doesnt want to be involved then maybe you should find a day every week to just be a him and you day! |
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 Veteran
Posts: 253
Location: EDGE OF INSANITY | i wish i could say oh he helps blah blah. Nope, at times, it is a war at our house. He will watch the kids so i can ride, but thats pretty much it. One of the horses is even his (that he NEVER messes with-i broke him to ride bc my husband refused to do anything with him) and he doesn't ever offer to help. Not even to throw feed or turn on the freaking water hose to fill up the trough. He used to at least go to shows with me-not any more. Doesn't even ask how i did when i get home. At times it bothers me, but the horses were there before him and will always be there. I make time to spend with him, its just frustrating/hurtful that he won't do the same. Do i want to watch him work on trucks? NO, but i do so i can spend time with him. Buuut this is my own drama haha. Hope you have better luck than i do  |
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 I Love My Mares!
Posts: 1613
Location: Moved to Montana | Honestly it is work either way... I have had relationships with both and arguments with both over horses. I think it is more about the relationship it self and how healthy it is with horses becoming a point of contention like money, parenting, ect. |
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Cat Collector
Posts: 1430
| i let him come and video my runs... lol |
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 Elite Veteran
Posts: 1119
| My husband prefers 4 wheels over 4 legs, but he helps any way he can. He feeds hay for me, fills water buckets, whatever. He's even told me that if something ever happened to me, he would keep Harley because he is "the favorite." It made me happy to know that he must enjoy them enough (even as just companions) to want to keep one around! None of his friends understand the "horse thing" and are always telling him (or me) that I need to sell them, but as long as that thought doesn't cross his mind, I'm ok with him not being into them. |
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 Dr. Ruth
Posts: 9891
Location: Blissfully happy Giants fan!!! | my goodnesss am I grateful for a great non-horsey husband. My husband, while sometimes he loves to jab me, is extremely supportive of my horses. Shoot today we were just talking about setting up another account and he said it could also be used for emergency horse funds too.
I don't ask him to do horse stuff for me. I grew up with the understanding that horses were mine and as such my sole responsibility. I don't ask for help if I don't need to. And I stand by that. I feed, I clean, I get them to the vet, I am there for the farrier, etc. However, I travel for work and I get busy. And my husband is there when I need him to be. He also puts round bales out for me and fixes fence and whatever.
He 100% recognizes the horses are very important to me and that I need them. I don't have to tell him-never really have needed to either. I make my horse decisions and he never questions them.
He also knows that barrel races are extremely boring and usually I am only there long enough to saddle up, ride, make my run, cool off and go home. Except for in the truck, there really is no hanging out time. I also know barrel races are very boring so I don't usually ask him to come. However, given our work schedules he has come with me just to spend time with me. And if I need him to video he will come with me. Usually there is a place that he can drive his RC cars now so that has made it easier for him to come with me.
I would never ever force my horses or my horse habit on him. I think that is really important. He also knows that if he wanted to do something I would not go to a barrel race or do a horse thing to spend time with him. I also am very cogniscent of my time with my horses. While I spend A LOT of time with them, if I feel like I have spent too much time with them and not enough time with my husband, I make time. And I will plan to do something where it is just the two of us. He also knows he can say something to that effect and I will take it to heart and do something with him. He NEVER abuses that and I am not even sure he has ever said it because I am really aware of time.
I think we just have a great relationship and are always wanting to make sure both of us are really happy. |
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